He’s a poet-not: Back to basics: Virtual ID: Dead meat restaurant: All you can’t eat: 7 Election: and a Fishy tale.

Not much lack of cold, even less solar activity, a definite dearth of atmospheric movement and oodles of ex skywater at the Castle this morn.

Just returned from the stale bread, gruel and his Maj’s food run dahn Tesco, well every little helps considering their financial situation. 

Did even more coloured stuff application yesterday, I am knackered, today’s daily Dei decorating tip-pay someone else to do it....

 

And according to the Guardian

 

And Michael Gove, the education secretary reckons that primary school children should learn and recite poetry by heart as part of broader changes to the curriculum.

And to start them orf:

 

There was a young lady from Ealing

Who had a peculiar feeling

....

And:

There once was an MP called Hunt

Who was a really  daft.....

 

Today’s lesson is to finish orf the above limericks without using rude words...

 

All over our dear old NHS

 

Apparently patients are being treated so Piss Poorly because they are wrongly viewed by doctors and nurses as simply "medical conditions" to be dealt with rather than individual people.

According to the Royal College of Physicians medical staff frequently have such little time to deal with them, that patients' full medical and emotional needs are not met.

Patients are also being left in a high state of anxiety because staff do not talk to them enough.

The institution has joined forces with the Royal College of Nursing to publish new guidance today, urging hospitals to give the morning ward round the priority it deserves.

 

Not bad, it’s only taken them 60 bleedin years to realise that....still it’s not as if they are being paid to do their jobs...

 

And staying on the Piss Poor theme

Some gormless knobhead in the Millionaires Club Coalition sideboard has come up with a spiffing cunning plan.

A national identity scheme which will allow people to use their mobile phones and social media profiles as official identification documents for accessing public services.

Want a tax credit, fishing license or a passport?

Choose from a list of familiar on-line logins from social media sites, banks and supermarkets to prove who you are.

Once you have logged in correctly by computer or mobile phone, the site will send a message to the government agency authenticating that user’s identity.

The system will be trialled when the Department of Work & Pensions starts the early roll out of the Universal Credit scheme, a radical overhaul of the benefits system, in April.

Users who access the Government’s online one-stop-shop of public services will be asked to identify themselves by choosing one organisation from a selection of logos. (This feature is called a “Nascar screen”, in reference to the logo-filled livery of the famous American racing cars.)

 

Splendid; what could possibly go wrong?

 

Left a lot to fried chicken land

An eastern Kentucky health inspector says he has shut down a restaurant after finding Roadkill in its kitchen.

Paul Lawson told WYMT-TV that he went to inspect the Red Flower Chinese Restaurant in Williamsburg after customers complained to the health department that it appeared employees had brought in a dead animal. Lawson said he immediately shut the place down.

Lawson said the restaurant owner's son apparently picked a dead deer up from a roadside and brought it to the eatery. Lawson said the owner reported he didn't plan to serve the animal to customers; he planned to feed it to his family.

The inspector said the owner wasn't aware of health regulations, and will not face any fines.

He said the restaurant can reopen if it passes another health inspection.

Num, num...

 

 Back in bulky Blighty

 

And dahn to the sarf coast, friends George Dalmon and Andy Miles have been banned from an all-you-can-eat restaurant - for eating too much.

For two years, ex-rugby player George Dalmon and his friend Andy Miles helped themselves to five bowls of stir-fry each during their regular sessions at the Mongolian barbecue.

But now the ‘greedy’ pair has been banned – because the manager feared for his business.

They were called ‘a couple of pigs’ and told never to return to the Gobi in Brighton.

The manager, who did not want to be named, said: ‘Basically, they just come in and pig out.

‘We have put up with them for two years but I’ve had enough.

The restaurant invites customers to create their own dishes from the buffet.

The chef cooks it and diners are invited to go up ‘as many times as you wish’ for £12.

The manager said the voracious eaters stuck to water, they never ordered drinks and never paid the optional service charge.

He added: ‘We are not a charity, we’re a business. It’s our restaurant and we can tell people not to come back if we don’t want them to.’

 

Still all publicity is good publicity-isn’t it?

 

Back in the home of Presidents and the land of 7/Eleven

You go into a 7/Eleven, you buy coffee, and you choose a blue cup or a red cup.

7-Eleven tallies the results, and correctly predicts the US election. It's called 7-Election and it's worked since 2000.

The blue cup is for Democrats and the red cup for Republicans. In 2000 and 2004 more red cups were chosen by coffee drinkers and George W Bush won those elections.

In 2008, the groundswell of public opinion swayed towards blue-tinged java and Barack Obama won the election.

The current stock take across the states participating in 7-Election has Obama getting up 60-40.

Maybe we should try that here-using loo rolls...

 

 And finally:

 

Over to the place where all the politicians reside

Apparently a Thurston County, Wash., man says he managed to shoot himself in the head with a .22-caliber rifle while fishing for salmon.

A sheriff's report says the man told deputies he fired a shot into the Deschutes River on Sunday afternoon but the bullet ricocheted off a rock and hit him in the temple. When he scratched the spot with his finger, he says the bullet fell out of his head and into the river.

The tale came to light although the man went home and refused to tell his girlfriend how he had been injured. After he left again, she called 911. When deputies pulled over the man's pickup truck, he told them what happened.

The man was treated at an area hospital and released. The Olympian newspaper says the man was not cited for any violations.

Apart from being a dickhead.

 

That’s it: I’m orf to stay away from wetlands

 

And today’s thought:

The Angus Dei view of the world

 

Angus

Time to cut the cuts: Education goes back in time: Speed cam, cams: Road of many colours: Criminal uniforms: Not a load of bull.

A bit of solar stuff, even less white fluffy stuff, not a lot of lack of cold and not even a drop of wet stuff at the Castle this morn.

Another year has passed at the speed of time for this daft old fart; and at the unexpected age of sixty one I only have another five months and nineteen days and I can apply for my bus pass.

As I wandered abaht the bedroom without my shirt on I could have sworn I saw the glint of a telephoto lens in the distance-I must call my lawyers...

And as this Piss Poor blog is still infesting the Blogosphere it seems that pics of the Royal rectum are acceptable while snaps of the minor Royal Norks are a no-no.

Double standards methinks...

 

All around the leaning tower of Westminster

Allegedly what’s his name has been warned by Liberal Democrat activists that he must not allow George Osborne to impose more welfare cuts in return for securing the party's long-cherished goal of a wealth tax.

The Social Liberal Forum (SLF), which is on the party's left, fears that Mr Clegg, is preparing the ground for a Coalition deal under which the Lib Dems back the Chancellor's plan for £10bn of welfare cuts in return for moves towards a wealth tax such as a levy on homes worth more than £2m.

The SLF will seek to tie U-Turn Cams fag’s hands at the Lib Dems' autumn conference in Brighton, which starts a week today.

 

He should be used to a bit of bondage-after all he did go to public school....

 

And staying with the deputy Prime Monster

Changes to the exam system for 16-year-olds in England will "give parents confidence" in the examinations their children take in the future according to Thingy.

Do-da and Education Secretary Michael Gove are due to unveil the new exam regime.

GCSEs will be ditched in 2015, and replaced with what minister’s claim will be a more rigorous system.Assessment will be based on an O-level style single end-of-year exam.

 

That’s education set back another 25 years then...

 

Left to the state of Maryland

Prince George's County cops announced they are installing new cameras designed to keep a watchful eye on the Maryland counties speed cameras, WTOP reports.

Since April, six speed cameras have been attacked by angry citizens, according to WTOP. One camera was shot at and another burned.

Prince George's County Police Maj. Robert Liberati said he doesn't think people's rage is a result of the cameras, per se.

"The roads are choked; there are lots of drivers on them. I think traffic itself is the cause of frustration [toward speed cameras]," Liberati said. "But, we have a duty to make the roads safe, even if takes a couple extra minutes to get to your destination."

 

Anyone see the flaw in logic?

 

Dahn to the country of naughty trims

And in the town of Manaus the road became a rainbow when a truck carrying 28,000 pounds of paint tipped over.

 Bet Zippy is excited...

 

Up again to the home of jails and the land of private enterprise

Two southeast companies that make U.S. military uniforms are shedding hundreds of jobs, as the government looks to federal inmates for the fatigues.

American Power Source makes military clothing in Fayette, Ala., but its government contract expires in October. Federal Prison Industries – which also operates under the name UNICOR will snag the work, and leave the task to inmates. FPI has the first right of refusal for U.S. Government contracts, under a 1930 federal law.

American Apparel, the Selma, Ala., based military clothing manufacturer closed one of its plants and continues to downsize others due to the loss of some of its contracts to FPI.

According retired Air Force colonel and spokesman Kurt Wilson, the company laid off 255 employees and cut the hours of 190 employees this year alone so private workers end up losing their jobs to prisoners.

 

Has Ken Clarke been in the States recently?

 

And finally: 

Back in bullish Blighty

 

A County Antrim farmer is celebrating after his pet bull made it into the record books for being the shortest in the world.

Ryan Lavery says that Archie, who is 76cms (30ins) tall, was originally destined to be made into burgers but, after he failed to grow sufficiently by Christmas time, the family decided to keep him as a pet.

Despite being officially named as the shortest bull in the world, and being dwarfed by most of the other animals on the farm, Mr Lavery still says that Archie feels he’s the big man, or short bull, on campus.

Ryan said that he was delighted that Archie, a Dexter bull, had made it into the Guinness Book of Records.

'I knew Archie was small but I never realised he was that small,' he said.

 

Bullocks?

 

That’s it: I’m orf to de-virus my desktop...

 

And today’s thought:

All fur coat and no knickers-royal?

 

Grassy arse to Bernard for the pic

 

Angus

Royal Norks-allegedly: Taking the piss: still taking the piss: El Sluggo: Funnel Web hunters wanted: Dead end voting: and Plane daft.

Loads of atmospheric movement, not a lot of lack of cold, even less solar stuff and much less skywater at the Castle this morn.

I think I may have to give up this blogging thing, the old brain cell is seriously on the blink, can’t remember words, forget to do the spell check, forget to add labels, forget what I was going to ramble about, forget to reply to comments, forget to visit/comment on other bloggers and sometimes I forget to blog at all...

 Now what was I saying?

Allegedly while in French France

And even more allegedly Will’s bird got her headlights out on the terrace of a guest house during a brief holiday she enjoyed with the tall bald bloke in France last week.

The couple were staying in Provence at a chateau owned by Lord Linley, the Queen's nephew, ahead of their Diamond Jubilee tour of south-east Asia and the South Pacific on behalf of the Queen.

And surprise, surprise it seems that a naughty person with a camera snapped the royal norks-allegedly.

The magazine's French website showed an image of its new front cover with a heavily pixilated image of a woman with dark hair, it claims is the Duchess, in a bikini apparently about to remove her top.

William and Kate were told about the allegations this morning before they visited they Assyakirin Mosque and had also looked at the images on the website.

Speaking about the royal couple a source said: "They're saddened their privacy has been breached - if it has been breached."

The source stressed it could not confirm if the pictures were of Kate as they appeared to have been taken with a long lens and were pixilated.

 

So what’s all the bleedin fuss about then?

 

What price education?

Apparently the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition has managed to splurge £500 million on private schools for the orfspring of diplomats and military personnel in the last three years.

Ministers last year backed down on plans to scrap the allowance, which costs the taxpayer more than £21,000 per child, as part of public sector spending cuts. Instead they promised to cut the bill through "efficiencies". But research by the Bureau of Investigative Journalism has revealed that the cost of the perk has increased by nearly ten per cent since 2009 and last year stood at £203m across three departments.

The privilege, known as the Continuity of Education Allowance (CEA), exists to support children whose parents work for the government overseas. It covers the costs of schooling abroad and in the UK, but the majority, at least £99m each year, is spent on fees for expensive British boarding schools.

Public schools where the state has subsidised places include Marlborough College, Tony Blair's old school Fettes College and Roedean.

By far the biggest bill for private schooling comes from the Ministry of Defence (MoD), which funded more than £189m of school fees last year. All ranks are eligible for the perk but, because families have to make a contribution of a least 10 per cent, it is overwhelmingly taken up by officers.

Despite promises to make savings on the scheme the total bill has actually risen by £16m since 2008/9 – in part caused by new tax arrangements. It comes at the same time as the Army is in the process of axing 20,000 posts because of budget cuts.

 

Greedy, arrogant, self centred bastards....

 

Up in the cabinet office part of the Smoke

A council chief criticised by ministers for collecting an "unacceptable" £420,000 pay-off has been awarded a senior new job cutting waste in Whitehall.

Katherine Kerswell was last night accused of riding the government "job merry-go-round"; after it emerged she is the new director-general of civil service reform at the Cabinet Office.

Her salary will be £142,000 for the role, which ministers have struggled to fill since April 2011.

The 49-year-old was awarded the new job almost a year after leaving Kent County Council with a £589,000 pay package, including her salary and the hefty pay-off. She had been in the job just 16 months before taking redundancy.

Francis Maude, the cabinet office minister, said she would be leading the Coalition’s plan to improve the civil service set out in June.

“I want to see a Civil Service that is flatter, faster, more digital, more unified, with better capabilities and performance management, focused on outcomes not process, with modern terms and conditions, and which is more enjoyable to work for,” he said.

 No wonder she is fucking laughing...

 

All across beleaguered Blighty

The Spanish slug, that can grow up to 15cm long, is thought to have arrived in salads during the summer – and has already spread as far west as Wales

Giant Spanish slugs that invaded Britain are mating with native ones to create a mutant super slug capable of wreaking crop havoc.

They are also threatening to wipe out local species with new diseases and ­parasites or by simply devouring them

Sylvia Locke, 72, from the Amman Valley in Wales, has seen several in her garden. She said: “We caught them eating snails. It was gruesome.

“Our dog caught one it was so big I thought it was a mouse.”

 

Saw one meself yestermorn but I managed to deal with it by hitting it with half a brick-cheaper than slug poison.

 

Dahn Unda

The Australian Reptile Park wants new recruits in the hunt for funnel web spiders.

The tourist attraction has sent out an SOS to residents across the coast for funnel webs, particularly males, which are milked for their venom used to create anti-venom.

"Usually at this time of year we have been inundated with people bringing in funnel webs, because we have experienced that warmer weather mixed with spring showers which is what they like, but it's been quite dry for the last few weeks so sightings are down," Australian Reptile Park operations manager Tim Faulkner said.

The spiders are milked once a week and it takes about 70 milkings to create a single dose of anti-venom.

If you see a funnel web and want to catch it, Mr Faulkner said it's best to use a glass container.

"We tell people if they feel comfortable collecting them either use a stick or a utensil to help scoop them up and into the glass container, and don't panic ... they won't chase you," he laughed.

 

Sod that....

 

Left to the home of administration and the land of elections

 

Apparently officials in Texas are sending out about 1,800 letters marked "VERIFICATION OF VOTER STATUS."

What you're supposed to do, within 30 days is contact county elections officials and tell them you are not dead.

According to Rich Parsons, director of communications for the Texas Secretary of State's office.

More than 13 million people are registered to vote in Texas, and 76,990 of them were found to be on the "potentially deceased" list. The total includes strong matches (meaning the registered voters name, Social Security number and date of birth were exactly the same as a potentially deceased person) and weak matches (in which some but not all of the elements paired up, maybe a few digits of the Social Security numbers were off).

All of the names were sent to voter registrars across the state. Tarrant County Elections Administrator Steve Raborn says about 4,000 of them came to his office.

Raborn says people in his office searched the list, eliminated many of the weak matches, removed clearly identifiable strong matches from the voter registration rolls and last week mailed letters to about 1,800 people whose life-or-death status was uncertain.

By law, those who don't respond within 30 days will be removed from the voter rolls, although if they show up to vote in the Nov. 6 election they'll still be allowed to cast a ballot and their votes will be counted.

My brain hurts...

 

And finally:

 

Still in the place which thinks it is Dahn Unda

 

A US man is trying to sell his damaged plane online - after landing it upside down in a storm.

The seller, named only as Jim on the Craigslist, wants the equivalent of £10,000 for the 1968 Cessna 172 H.

In the listing, Jim explains in his own way how the plane came to look like a turtle flipped on its back.

"It started out as a bad hair day, ya know kinda windy, got called out to plow, course here in DV (Death Valley) we plow gravel off the road, anyway must have had a twister come thru so I spent the afternoon flipping my plane," he admitted.

Jim goes on to list the extensive list of damaged parts that potential buyers may wish to consider before lodging a bid.

They may be consoled that the plane, currently at Furnace Creek airport in Death Valley, California, has at least now been turned the right way up. 

Must be worth £10, 001 by now then...

 

That’s it: I’m orf to decipher Climate Shuffles

 

And today’s thought:

Worth £21,000 of anyone’s money

 

 

Angus

The cost of education: The Subterranean Development Bill: Hair today-tattoo tomorrow: Money to burn: Man on a bicycle: More 3d street art: and Welsh toilet training.

Even colder at the castle this morn, the liquid metal in the heat gauge has buggered orf to somewhere warm and the fallic glu is so bad that I want to write double entendre’s all the time and I had to retreat to the four poster yestermorn.

As university fees reach the £9,000 mark

The knobs at the top of the educational edifices have taken advantage of all the new loot and awarded themselves nice fat pay raises.

Five vice-chancellors enjoyed increases in total pay packets of more than 20 per cent and 13 more were awarded rises of more than five per cent.

The average university head was paid £239,000, while 3,403 university staff received more than £100,000 – a six per cent rise.

The highest-paid vice-chancellor was Prof Andrew Hamilton, head of Oxford University, who earned a total package of £424,000 – a slight rise on the year before.

Prof David Eastwood, head of Birmingham University, received a seven per cent rise, taking his total pay package to £419,000.

Nicola Dandridge, chief executive of Universities UK, which represents vice-chancellors, said: “For 2010-11, there have been very few increases across the sector, reflecting the current funding climate.

“The remuneration packages for vice-chancellors reflect what it takes to recruit and retain individuals able to run complex, multi-million pound organisations, which are operating in an increasingly competitive, global market. These packages are in line with those in competitor countries and also with heads of public and private organisations of a similar size.”

Nationally, pay packages – including salary and pension contributions – rose by only one per cent on average. But some university heads took much greater increases.

The worst offenders are:

1. Paul Curran and Julius Weinberg, City University, London - £322,000 (£239,000) - 35%

2. Graham Upton, Cumbria University - £258,938 (£196,541) - 32%

3. Paul Thompson, Royal College of Art - £224,526 (£175,000) - 28% (includes two years' pension contributions)

4. Sir Leszek Borysiewicz and Dame Alison Richard, Cambridge University - £312,000 (£249,000) - 25%

5. Ian Diamond, Aberdeen University - £335,000 (£268,000) - 25% (was only part-time for part of the year before)

Nice to see that “we are still all in this together”

Up in the posh bit of the smoke

U-Turn Cam’s father-in-law has complained of Russians who moved into his “smart street in London” and started digging an underground basement.

Viscount Astor joined peers calling for tougher regulations for basement extensions amid concerns about their effect on neighbouring properties.

The Subterranean Development Bill was given an unopposed second reading after the House of Lords heard of the damage that could be done by wealthy homeowners installing swimming pools, gyms or extra rooms below their properties.

Lord Astor, who lives in basement flat in a Belgravia townhouse “on quite a smart street in London”, said his problems started when some Russian neighbours moved in and starting excavating the basement.

 Oh dear-what a shame....

Up to Brummy land

A British company said it is opening salons across England dedicated to the tattooing the scalps of bald men to make it look like they have short hair.

Company HIS Hair, or Hair-Ink-Skin, based in Birmingham, said it is opening facilities across England to allow men who have lost their hair to give the appearance of hair growing back using a tattooing technique applying different shades of pigment to the scalp to emulate the look of a buzz cut, The Sun reported Friday.

I find that a felt tip does much the same job- is a lot cheaper and doesn’t hurt at all...

East a smidge to the land of less food

Hungary's central bank is burning old monetary notes to help the needy in Europe's deadly cold snap.

The bank is pulping wads of old notes into briquettes to help heat humanitarian organisations.

Barnabas Ferenczi, head of the bank's cash logistics centre, said: "For the central bank, corporate social responsibility is an important thing.

"That's why we thought that since we destroy approximately 40 or 50 tons of currency every year, this thing can be useful for charities that have a problem finding fuel for burning."

"Our examination showed that the heating properties of these shredded currency briquettes are similar to brown coal so they are pretty useful for heating and resolve the problem to find fuel."

It takes the equivalent of £14,000 in notes to make a single one-kilogram briquette.

Wouldn’t it be better just to give them the money?

Somewhere in the Northern hemisphere

French artist and copyeditor Guillaume Blanchet from Montreal has lived on a bicycle for over a year.  Apparently he even cooked his own food and flirted with women, while perched on the narrow bicycle seat.

Blanchet does everything on the go, and he never stops pedalling. As he rides hands-free, he is occupied with the various mundane activities of life. Numerous items make an appearance, such as frying pans, shaving kits, laptops, telephones, Rubik cubes, and even musical instruments.

If you are tired of life watch the video-but beware the music is really annoying...

Tosser.....

Right a lot to the place near Edam

Dutch artist Leon Keer is exhibiting at the latest art show RawExpo in Rotterdam from 8 February – 4 March 2011.

The harbour area and abandoned warehouse forms the backdrop for the exhibition of more than 60 sculptures and installations curated by Piet de Jonge.

The 3d painting measures 45 square meters and is made directly on the concrete.

Spiffing.

And finally:

Dahn in Welsh Wales

Bosses at Swansea University have put up signs instructing students how to use the toilets properly after some were found in a mess.

They have blamed "cultural differences" in the way that the toilets are used by foreign students.

A university spokeswoman said: "The posters were produced to help address cultural differences that were unfortunately causing damage and hygiene issues.

"Swansea University is a multi-cultural campus community and the informational posters were produced, for use in both male and female facilities.

"The information was produced in conjunction with the International College Wales Swansea and displayed in key areas around the campus.

Students....

That’s it: I’m orf to have a look at Steve Jobs FBI file and then back to the four poster.

And today’s thought:

Angus

Schools out: Bad maths: Tyred bull: Flying porn: Chickenpox lollies: and a Piss Poor Pilot.

‘Tis a bit nicer at the Castle this morn-warmish, dryish and calmish, the study is devoid of non adding machines, and his Maj has brought me his first catch-a worm.

I’m orf to the smoke later to visit “Ms” sister up near Kew Bridge, should be interesting, I don’t do heights and she lives on the sixteenth floor.

And here is a nice pic of the asteroid that didn’t hit us the other night.

Allegedly head teachers are about to go on strike over their pensions

But union chiefs say it is still "not too late" to resolve the public sector pensions impasse.

Members of the National Association of Head Teachers (NAHT) voted by three to one in favour of the November 30th walkout over the coalition's plans to slash teachers' pensions. Turnout was 53.6%.

The 'yes' vote is a historic moment for NAHT, which had not previously backed strike action in its 114-year history. Its members hold leadership positions in 85% of primary schools and over 40% of secondary schools.

Should be given detention.

And staying on Education, education, education

Apparently too many children leave school unable to add, subtract and divide after being put off by “flawed” maths lessons, according to a leading examiner.

Mark Dawe, chief executive of OCR, one of Britain's biggest exam boards, said growing numbers of young people struggled to function in further education or the world of work after failing to “acquire the maths skills that society demands” at school.

He suggested that the existing curriculum was unable to cater for children with different needs, including the very brightest at one end and those that struggle with the basics at the other.

Currently, almost half of 16-year-olds fail to achieve grade C at GCSE, with just 15 per cent studying maths beyond that level.

It is also feared that as many as a quarter of economically active adults are "functionally innumerate".

Maybe the “Heads” should concentrate a little more on the pupils....

Over to the Island state on the left

A rodeo bull in Hawaii appears comfortable again after spending about 20 hours with his head stuck in a giant tyre.

The 800-pound bull, named Skywalker, couldn't eat or drink after he got his head lodged in the truck tyre that someone dumped at the Triple L Ranch in Maui, ranch owner Paige De Ponte said.

"He was uncomfortable and it took all day to get him out," she said Wednesday.

No one could get near the cranky bull Tuesday until Skywalker became exhausted enough for ranch worker Kawika Manoa to use a piece of wood to pry off the tyre, which weighs more than 50 pounds. Skywalker didn't put up a fight and then went straight for the water trough after being released from the rubber ring, De Ponte said.

Just as well that tyre is dangerous, it’s bald.....

Ryanair CEO Michael O'Leary

Is thinking up yet another cunning plan to make a bit more money by offering a host of web-based offerings to flyers via an app including gambling and even pornographic movies.

 His model is the pay TV services hotels offer guests.

O'Leary said he hopes to launch an in-flight web offer that mimics hotel room pay-TV services.

"I'm not talking about having it on screens on the back of seats for everyone to see," O'Leary told The Sun. "It would be on handheld devices. Passengers would be able to log into a Ryanair app using their iPads or smart phones." 

Numpty...

 

Back over to the other fifty states

US parents who reportedly buy mail order lollies infected with chickenpox to try to help their children build up immunity from the virus are being warned the practice could be dangerous.

The treats have apparently emerged following chickenpox "parties" - where parents get their youngsters together with an infected child so they catch it, in the belief it will strengthen their defences.

Such gatherings have become popular in recent years following health concerns related to vaccinations.

But Jerry Martin, US attorney for the Middle District of Tennessee, said he was concerned by reports in Phoenix and Nashville of people going on Facebook to find lollipops, saliva or other items from children who have chickenpox.

He said: "Can you imagine getting a package in the mail from this complete stranger that you know from Facebook because you joined a group, and say, 'Here, drink this purported spit from some other kid?'"

Mr Martin said it was a federal crime to send diseases or viruses across state lines in the post.

Nice.....

 

And finally:

 

Back in Blighty

A 71-year-old light aircraft pilot almost paid the ultimate price for wanting to spend a penny, it was revealed today.

Having eaten a light meal and downed two mugs of tea, the pilot took off from Husbands Bosworth in Leicestershire, a report by the Air Accidents Investigation Branch (AAIB) said.

After 45 minutes he decided he might need a "toilet call" but had already passed three landing sites he visited regularly.

He considered landing at Breighton airfield in North Yorkshire but decided to continue on to Rufforth, only 15 minutes further away.

The AAIB report said the pilot came in to land at Rufforth "with the toilet call still on his mind".

He was lining the plane up and then "remembered nothing else until he was crawling out of the aircraft".

Should have flown Ryanair......

That’s it: I’m orf to test drive a new motor 

And adding up today’s thought: "Students nowadays are so clueless", the math professor complains to a colleague. "Yesterday, a student came to my office hours and wanted to know if General Calculus was a Roman war hero..."

Angus

English Baccalaureate-sort of: Litigious Victorians: Pastafarian: Smelly socks: No Brats: Tired out: The Lynx effect: and the Crumpet man’s thinking.

‘Tis surprisingly clementish at the Castle this morn, sunny, calm and almost tepid, the study is now a quarter full of non working thingies, the garden is still in need of fettling, his Maj has been de-wormed and de-fleaed  and is not a happy bunny, and I couldn’t be arsed to take a snap of the new bollards. 

I see that more than four out of 10 secondary schools have axed key subjects from the curriculum as a result of the Government's new English Baccalaureate, a conference was told yesterday. Drama, arts, religious education and information technology have all suffered severe cutbacks with teachers in these areas being made redundant.

In addition, teenagers are being told to switch GCSE subjects in mid-year to help their schools do well in exam-league tables. In most cases, it has been to slot in a languages GCSE – one of five subject areas demanded by the new qualification. Youngsters have even been enrolled on "twilight sessions" after school to try to ensure a top grade pass in the new subject area. 

Since when have drama, arts, and religious education been “key” subjects?

Allegedly Aviva, formerly known as Norwich Union, has discovered a raft of claims from the 1860s to the early 1900s, which indicate that consumers were paid out considerable sums of money for small and sometimes comic accidents.

A merchant from Glasgow was paid £42 in 1895, the equivalent of £2,575 in today's money, after he was injured while jumping out of bed to catch his wife who had fainted. Meanwhile a Lancashire grocer received £15 in 1878, or £724 in today's money, after he slipped "while playing Blind Man’s Buff".

The trawl through the archives, ahead of an exhibition in Norwich, found a vicar from Shropshire who fell while playing a game of Leap Frog and a gentleman from Mold in Wales who missed a dog while trying to kick it and struck a sofa instead, injuring his big toe.

A Bank Clerk slipped on orange peel £156 paid in 1900 (modern equivalent: £8,901), an innkeeper from Handsworth, Birmingham, took poisonous potion in mistake for a sleeping medicine – £1000 paid in 1878 (modern equivalent: £48,310), A travelling salesman from Belfast hit his head on a pole while watching an accident from the top of a tram – £7 paid in 1904 (modern equivalent: £401), A shipbuilder from Great Yarmouth swallowed a fishbone – £1000 paid in 1900 (modern equivalent: £57,000) and An artist from Swansea blown down by gale of wind – £30 paid in 1886 (modern equivalent: £1,796). 

It seems that “times, they aren’t a changin”....

Over in the land of Austrians

Niko Alm has won the right to be photographed wearing a pasta strainer for his driving licence on grounds of religious freedom.

A self-styled "pastafarian", Mr Alm said he belonged to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, which lampooned religion. "Today I was able to get my new driving licence, and in it you can clearly see that I'm wearing a colander on my head to demonstrate my allegiance to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster," Mr Alm wrote in his blog.

"My headwear has now been recognised by the Republic of Austria."

The spaghetti church was founded in 2005 in opposition to pressure on the Kansas school board in the United States to teach the theory of intelligent design in biology class as an alternative to evolution, and since then it has engaged in a light-hearted campaign against religion. 

Austrian Baccalaureate?

 Scientists are working on a weapon to fight malaria mosquitoes

Smelly socks-attract four times as many of the deadly mozzies as the scent of a human body.

By spraying a similar reek into special traps outside homes, they stopped the bugs going inside and biting people.

Dr Fredros Okumu, who is developing the traps, said: “The disease has claimed so many lives, including those of people close to me, and my hope is this will be part of the solution.”

Bed nets and indoor spraying have already cut malaria cases. But scientists have not been able to combat mozzies outdoors.

Experts at the Ifakara Health Institute in Tanzania found smelly socks were the most effective bait.

I wondered why there were no mozzies at the Castle......

Across to the big country on the left

A US restaurant has sparked controversy by banning children under the age of six - because their volume can't be controlled.

"This is not a kid-oriented place," said Mike Vuick, owner of McDain's, a restaurant and driving range in Monroeville, Pennsylvania.

The restaurant sent an email to regular customers to inform them of the policy change, reports the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.

"We feel McDain's is not a place for young children. Their volume can't be controlled and many, many times they have disturbed other customers," it said.

On its website, McDain's advertises itself as a place for "cocktails and fine casual dining" and calls its atmosphere "upscale, quiet and casual".

"Nothing wrong with babies," added Mr Vuick, "but the fact is you can't control their volume.

 I find that a plastic bag over the head works quite well......

Up a bit

After 15 long years of collecting Canadian Tire money, a local man can cash in his collection to buy the lawnmower he began saving for as a teen.

At 14 years old, Brian McPherson - now 29 - received his first 10 cents of Canadian Tire money after buying a hockey stick. That 10 cents was the start of McPherson's road to becoming a "Canadian Tire thousand-aire."

"I thought it'd be a good idea to save up all the money and buy what at that time was the most expensive thing in the store, which was a riding lawnmower," said McPherson.

Over the course of 15 years, McPherson saved $1,053 in Canadian Tire money through purchasing gas, repair items and "pretty much anything you can buy at Canadian Tire," to reach his goal.

McPherson plans to claim his prize - a rider lawnmower - Wednesday night.

 Great! Err, what is “Canadian Tire”

Right a fair distance to the land empty of Plumbers

A rejected wild lynx kitten has found an unlikely new mum - a spaniel.

Kraska the nine-year-old spaniel took six-month-old Mis under her paw when owners at a wildlife park in Kadzidlowo, Poland, found the lynx had been rejected by its mum.

"Kraska had just given birth to a litter of puppies so we decided to introduce Mis to the litter," said owner of the wildlife park, Marta Kowalska, 35.

"And she immediately accepted her as one of her own. Now they are inseparable and love playing with each other. Mis is a true part of Kraska's family," she said. 

Bless.....

 And finally:

Just for James

Pippa Middleton's world famous bum has been immortalised in crumpets.

The giant mosaic, along with another of Pippa's face, took more than 24 hours to complete using 15,000 crumpets and more than 100 jars of spreads, including butter, jam and Marmite and was commissioned to celebrate Beefeater Grill's new breakfast menu.

One of those love it or hate it things....

That’s it: I’m orf to track the space shuttle. 

And today’s thought: Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of. 

Angus