The pick pocket U-turn time warp Coalition: NHS Knobs raking it in: Holy groceries: 999-my kettles broken: Why electricity prices are so high: and Three Numptys in a boat.

Usual at the Castle this morn, sunny, calm and nippy, still no sky water, the phone started ringing at 6 of the am with users demanding a computer fix, the Honda is yellow again and the lawn is turning a nice shade of brown.

According to Roger Bootle, a former government adviser who now works with Deloitte, the accountancy firm the typical UK household will see its disposable income fall by 2 per cent this year, the equivalent of £780.

He added that if interest rates were to rise, British families would not have seen conditions deteriorate so badly since 1952.

Thanks U-turn Cam, shame that prices won’t be at 1952 levels.

And talking of U-turn Cam, who said he would do away with waste in the NHS.

Click on the link above to see the list of the highest paid NHS knobs.

Over to the land of long blowy things and big hills

An Austrian deacon is making a special offer at his local supermarkets -- free spiritual guidance and counselling when you pick up your groceries.

Deacon Willi Holzhammer is touring the Alpine province of Tyrol each Saturday and setting up his service for shoppers.

The retired computer specialist already runs a page on social networking site Facebook where followers can "Ask Willi" for advice.

"Personal encounters are just another step," Holzhammer said in a press release from Catholic news agency Kathpress.

His supermarket service will run for five weeks and be held at different towns in the western province.

That’ll double fish sales on a Friday.

Dahn in Welsh Wales

A woman rang 999 to ask police to fix her kettle.

She was one of 1,000 time-wasters who called operators in South Wales last year.

A police spokesman said: “We’ve had some daft calls but this takes the biscuit.”

Others included people asking directions to the royal wedding and some inquiring if they were a missing person. 

Numptyism is a kingdom wide trait.

North of the border

Six wind farms were given six-figure payments to switch off their turbines because the Scottish grid network could not absorb all the energy being produced, it has emerged.

Research by the Renewable Energy Foundation (REF) found energy companies were paid a total of £900,000 for stopping the turbines for several hours between April 5 and 6 this year.

The REF said some of the payments were as high as 20 times the value of the electricity which would have been generated if the turbines kept running. 

Remember this next time your electricity supplier puts up their prices blaming “the cost of supply”.

And finally:

Talking of Numptys

Rescuers said three men in an inflatable dinghy thought they had made it from England to France when they were rescued only 2 miles from where they departed.

The RNLI said the men entered the English Channel in Littlehampton, Saturday night without warm clothes or life jackets and were spotted waving for help by a birdwatcher the following morning, The Daily Telegraph reported Monday.

The men, whose names were not released, believed they had made it to France in their 7-foot raft and greeted rescuers by saying "Bonjour."

The RNLI said the men were treated for hypothermia and all made complete recoveries.

"These three gents were extremely fortunate to be seen by a vigilant member of the public and so lucky to have survived overnight with no protection and no life jackets," said Nick White, lifeboat operations manager for RNLI. "It would have been so easy for the dinghy to have been capsized by the smallest of waves."

Blow up Numptys.

That’s it: I’m orf to give the Blue Tits an IQ test

And today’s thought: "No man is rich enough to buy back his past." - Oscar Wilde

Angus