Thursday, 23 July 2009

Legal Gnomes, Bonking Tortoises, Floating Maserati, Chrith Eubank and Griff Rhys Jones

Weather is still crap, rain, windy and dull, I blame the Government.

And I have to venture out to stock up on chicken for the rat faced bat cat.


First up:


The Nuremberg Gnome is not illegal:
After a preliminary inquiry over the past week, prosecutors in the Bavarian city ruled that the 40-centimetre gnome is ridiculing the Nazis rather than promoting a return of the Third Reich.

"It is pretty clear that garden gnomes are silly and that they do silly things. In 1942 I would have been shot by the Nazis for this," prosecutors quoted the gnome's creator, artist Ottmar Hoerl, as saying.

Hitler salutes and Nazi symbols have been illegal in Germany since the end of World War II, but prosecutors said they were allowed if they were used clearly to counter national socialist ideology.

Hoerl, who expressed surprise at the investigation when it was announced, has also exhibited his golden Nazi gnomes in Belgium, Italy and Aschaffenburg, Germany.


I was thinking of buying 640 odd gnomes doing the one finger salute as a going away present for the inhabitants of the palace of Westminster, what do you think?



Nonagenarian tortoise gets his leg over:

Lonesome George, the last remaining giant tortoise of his kind, may soon be a father.

Unhatched eggs have been found in his "bachelor" pen in the Galapagos Islands, his keepers said.

For decades, the last known Pinta island tortoise had shown little interest in reproducing. But at age 90, George is said to be in his sexual prime.

Galapagos tortoises were among the species Charles Darwin observed to formulate his theory of evolution in the 19th century.

Scientist have been trying to get George to mate since 1993, when they introduced two female tortoises of a different subspecies into his pen.

The Galapagos National Park said the five eggs found on Monday were "in perfect condition" and have been placed in an incubator.



You just can’t rush us males!





Is your Maserati seaworthy?

Marco Amoretti and Marcolino De Candia (both aged fifty) decided it would be a good idea to convert their Maserati into a boat.

And then decided to take it for a voyage from Bocca di Magra port , in northern Italy, after five miles they pulled into Forte dei Marmi for a meal at a restaurant and promptly got nicked by the local coastguard.

They were fined several hundred euros and had the boat confiscated for failing to have the necessary paperwork and safety equipment for a sailing boat in Italian waters.

Amoretti said: "We didn't go very far and were just testing it to prepare for a trip around Italy. I was really surprised that the coastguard made such a big fuss."

Viareggio coastguards spokesman Fabrizio Ratto Vaquer said: "We're still examining the vehicle but they don't seem to have any papers that prove it is seaworthy.

The pair of Popeye’s thought that the MOT would suffice for their cruise.

In 1999 Amoretti and De Candia travelled across the Atlantic Ocean - from the Canary Islands to Martinica - in a converted Ford Taunus and a Volkswagen Passat.


Some people just don’t learn do they?




Eubank: You know it makes senth
That modest, shy, retiring, timorous beastie Chrith Eubank has dethided that he wanths to looth hith lithp, and is prepared to spend £30 grand to do it.

The 42-year-old old travelled to Ireland last week to undergo treatment, which he hopes will fix his speech defect by closing the gap in his front teeth.

Dentist Barry Buckley is carrying out the work at Clane Hospital, Co Kildare, which will also see all his other teeth slightly lengthened.

Eubank said: "Before long nobody will be able to accuse me of having a lisp. He's seeing to it."

Dr Buckley explained that although the main purpose of the work was to give Eubank a "new image" initial work had improved the boxer's speech impediment.

He said: "Chris is having the full cosmetic makeover.

"We're getting rid of the gap between his front teeth, adding length to the teeth and widening his smile slightly.

Shame that I used to enjoy listening to him talking to his opponents, saying “take thith and thith” while he was putting them in hospital.

And finally:




Another “celeb” in the news.
Griff Rhys Jones, one of three men and a dog in a boat, has managed to piss off anglers after encouraging canoeists and boaters to "disturb as many fishermen as possible" on their travels.
Rhys Jones has just finished filming a BBC documentary in which he rediscovered the country's forgotten rivers by travelling along them in a canoe.

The 55-year-old has been vocal in his criticism of anglers who he claims have too much say and control over British rivers and wants water users to exact some revenge by spoiling their chance of a catch.

But his remarks have outraged the angling community who claim he is encouraging trespassing.
"We take great exception to Griff Rhys Jones' calls for canoeists to cause disturbance to anglers and to trespass," said Mark Lloyd, chief executive of the Angling Trust.

"Anglers pay 3.5 billion pounds a year towards the British economy, 25 million pounds of that is on rod licences and hundreds of pounds for the right to fish on certain rivers. They have a legal right to go fishing in peace."

Currently canoeists and boat owners have access to 41,000 of the 150,000 miles of British rivers.

They have a right to navigation on tidal rivers and some non-tidal parts of rivers such as the Thames and Severn.

Rhys Jones said after his year canoeing, swimming and surfing along British waterways, he had discovered the rivers 'no longer belong to the people' but had been hijacked by stockbrokers, anglers and farmer.

"Private fishing clubs have bought up the banks, controlling the water to the middle where they meet rival fishing clubs," he complained.

"You cannot pass without permission. Our dislocation from our watery heritage has happened so slowly that no one has really noticed."


Yep; we all have months to spare canoeing about and getting Paid for it out of our license fee don’t we.

Angus



Angus Dei politico

Angus Dei-NHS-THE OTHER SIDE

5 comments:

Phidelm said...

Agh really, your understanding of feline sign language is not improving - RFtBC really asked for organic freerange guinea fowl.

1. Yes do, but only if you shove 'em all down 640-odd throats to give 'em taste of own medicine.
2. Chaps - picky,picky, picky.
3. They turned a ... into a ...? This hurts.
4. Ah, Jaysus, an wait 'till yer man wakes up - he'll only bleedin foind he's bin grafted wi auld Biddy Mulligan's teeths da she got from a heiffer over Mullingar way - rapi' wha'?!
5. He's got a Roger-Deakin-type point. But canoeists have the canals (and waterways increasingly being opened-up). Rivers not being owned/open to all? They'd only fill up with Tesco's shopping trolleys.

Excuses, excuses - you could always turn back garden into gravel pit for water conservation & allow occasional use to canoeists (for small consideration).

angus said...

Phdelm

RF&BC can whistle for Guinea Fowl, mind you I have been thinking about stuffing.........

Would be a pleasure to insert said Gnomes in facial orifices of said MPs.

We just can't be rushed, we do that to ourselves.

I know, doing that to a Lambo, they should be locked up.

Chrith Eubank-that's the only thing I liked about him "if it aint broke why fix it?"

GR Jones pompous, smug git.

Not allowed to do gravel extraction, because no gravel, live at the top of a hill with sandstone two feet down.

James Higham said...

Lonesome George, the last remaining giant tortoise of his kind, may soon be a father.

Forgive me, Angus, for not understanding about the birds and the bees but if he's the last remaining ......

angus said...

James

The "conservationists" introduced two females of a subspecies so that poor old george could do his thang.
It only took him 16 years to get hold of the viagra:)

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