Tuesday, 20 October 2009

Jesus hangs out in IKEA; Car Catastrophe; Fifty at one hundred; Chile Sauce attack; and Humpty is OK




'Weather-don’t ask, state of the garden don’t ask, but the cat is behaving.

I am not surprised about the Prisoner shuffle ‘story’ but I am surprised it has taken so long for the “powers that be” to discover it, wonder if it happens in the NHS?

And NASA has put its new Ares 1-X “propulsion system” on show, which may be cancelled soon because of cost, well done guys.

First up:








A bearded face, with long flowing hair, is plainly visible on the wooden door of the men’s toilet in the Braehead outlet of the Swedish furniture and meatballs giant.

Some debate over whether the face truly represents the Son of Man, or whether it is in fact Gandalf out of the Lord of the Rings, or even a member of ABBA.

If the image is agreed to be Jesus, rather than a fictional wizard or a bearded, middle-aged pop singer, it may be the oddest place for a vision of the Saviour since a Welsh woman spotted His face in the lid of a jar of Marmite during breakfast in May this year.

The mind boggles.







An elderly woman has had a lucky escape after the disabled-adapted car she was test-driving plummeted over the edge of a 100-foot hillside in Highcliffe, Dorset.

The woman, who is in her 80s, pressed the accelerator instead of the brake and sped through a park bench, sailed through the air, and came to rest half-way down the slope on a cushion of gorse before emerging unscathed.

She was driving round the car park of the Cliffhanger Cafe, in Highcliffe, Dorset, when she tried to pull into a disabled bay facing out to sea.

But instead of coming to a stop, the car lunged forwards and toppled over the cliff, rolling down a steep slope and into a patch of gorse.

Martin Jeffreys, 63, from New Milton, Dorset, said: "It's miracle she wasn't hurt - the car literally flew through the air.

"I was just getting out of my car when I saw her pulling up in the disabled bay.

"But she hit the accelerator by accident and just went lurching forwards.

"The car went up a small hill in front of the cliff edge, took the wooden bench out and went straight over.

"The car actually took off, it was unbelievable.

Well, I suppose there was a fifty-fifty chance of getting it right.







Half of babies now born in the UK will reach 100, thanks to higher living standards, but our bodies are wearing out at the same rate.

To achieve "50 active years after 50", experts at Leeds University are spending £50m over five years looking at innovative solutions.

They plan to provide pensioners with own-grown tissues and durable implants.

New hips, knees and heart valves are the starting points, but eventually they envisage most of the body parts that flounder with age could be upgraded.

The concept is to make transplantable tissues, and eventually organs, that the body can make its own, getting round the problem of rejection.

So far they have managed to make fully functioning heart valves using the technique.

It involves taking a healthy donor heart valve - from a human or a suitable animal, such as a pig - and gently stripping away its cells using a cocktail of enzymes and detergents.

The inert scaffold left can be transplanted into the patient without any fear of rejection - the main reason why normal transplants wear out and fail.

Yeah, and the Gov will raise the retirement age to 99.






German police are investigating a chilli sauce to determine whether it was so spicy that it was capable of causing grievous bodily harm when used in an attack.

Police took a sample of the sauce from a kebab stand in Bremen's central train station after a kebab salesman threw it into the eyes of a customer during a fight over napkins.

"Legally, the question of whether the spiciness of the kebab sauce constituted 'normal' or grievous bodily harm must be addressed," local police in the northern city said on Friday.

Officers broke up a scuffle that kicked off after a 23-year-old wiped his kebab-soiled hands on the stand because the salesman refused to give him a paper napkin. The seller responded by flinging a ladle of sauce in the man's face.

The victim's eyes became bloodshot and police are investigating why the napkin dispute broke out, a spokesman said. Both men could end up facing charges, he added.

They should be locked up for eating Kebabs.


And finally:








The BBC has been criticised after rewriting Humpty Dumpty - to give the nursery rhyme a happy ending.

The last line - "All the king's horses and all the king's men, couldn't put Humpty together again" - was changed for a CBeebies show.

Instead it ended with "Made Humpty Dumpty happy again", reports The Sun.

Labour MP Tom Harris watched the show - called Something Special - with his sons aged three and five.

He said: "For goodness sake. Kids should be exposed to real life a bit, not cosseted away. We need to stop this moronic activity.

"Let them see colourful and violent cartoons, and let them be children."

The Glasgow South MP said he had also seen Little Miss Muffet changed on the channel so she made friends with the spider rather than fled.

But a BBC spokeswoman said: "The small change to Humpty Dumpty was for no other reason than being creative and entertaining."

Here’s one for the BBC.

Auntie BEEB has lost the plot
Auntie BEEB knows not a lot
Humpty Dumpty smashed to bits
When off the wall he fell and hit
The concrete floor below his seat
But Auntie BEEB is more upbeat
And thinks that Humpty will cheat
And scrambled egg king’s men won’t eat

Well it is off the top of my head.

Angus

AnglishLit

Angus Dei-NHS-THE OTHER SIDE

Angus Dei politico

6 comments:

James Higham said...

The one which makes me most annoyed is the Beeb rewrite. WTF?!

angus said...

Time to do away with the public funded waste of space, let them go commercial and live in the real world.

Anonymous said...

Angus - I know you are not gay but if you MUST post about £50 Million for an extra 50 years with a feminine pic comments to go with your could you not add a male pic just for the benefit of your female fans?

Anonymous said...

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
And all the kings horses –
And all the Kings men.....


Had scrambled eggs for breakfast.

angus said...

Anon

Just for you, tune in tommorow:)

CherryPie said...

I don't think the problem with the BBC is that they are public funded more that they are government manipulated.

And that face on the door it is a goblin or troll ;-)