Thursday, 10 December 2009

Snappers of the year: OAPs revenge; Duck killer plucked; Charity begins in bins; and the Ten stupidest Crimbo pressies.




Still not sleeping, weather-don’t know too dark to tell, personal life f#####d, finances f####d, country f####d, economy f####d, and just to prove it: Britain’s national debt will hit £1.5 trillion after the Government was forced to increase its borrowing plans again.

In his pre-Budget report, Alistair Darling, the Chancellor, set out plans to borrow almost £800 million over six years after the sharpest economic contraction in modern history inflicted more damage on the public finances.

Great, and let’s not forget who got us into this mess.






And: Prezza has opined on Nu Labour: John Prescott has admitted he regarded Tony Blair's rebranding of "New" Labour as "a load of crap".

The former deputy prime minister revealed that when he was told about the renaming of the party: "I said: 'What a load of crap... what the bloody hell are you on about?' I've never used (the term). It's Labour, for Christ's sake."

In a typically outspoken interview with the New Statesman, Mr Prescott said he would have preferred Gordon Brown to have become leader in 1994 rather than Mr Blair, who he said he had once accused of being "a bloody Tory".

Join the club, but not the bit about Gord.....



First up:


This is for the “snappers” among my esteemed readers: Scroll through the pics,
My favourite Is number 2, Ah......

A gang of pensioners who kidnapped and tortured their financial adviser when their fortunes dipped due to the global credit crisis were yesterday charged with illegal hostage taking and grievous bodily harm.

American-born James Amburn, 56, was ambushed outside his home in Speyer, West Germany, where he was bound with masking tape and bundled into the boot of a car after being hit over the head with the walking stick of one of his kidnappers.

It took them quite a while because they ran out of breath," said Mr Amburn, who was driven to the Bavarian lakeside home of one of the gang who lost the equivalent of almost £2 million in total.
Another retired couple joined the kidnappers in the cellar where Mr Amburn was chained up and tortured for four days in June.

"The fear of death was indescribable," Mr Amburn said. He was rescued when he was ordered to send a fax to release funds from a Swiss bank and managed to scribble a message on it for the recipient to call police

His captors now face a minimum of five years in jail each if they are found guilty. Their trial begins in the New Year.
Chief public prosecutor Volker Ziegler said: "They were angry because they invested money in properties in Florida and Kuwaiti funds and he lost it all.

"This was black money – they hadn't declared it to the revenue authorities in Germany."


Grey power.
A driver who ran over and killed a mother duck walking her 12 ducklings across a Massachusetts mall parking lot has been sentenced to a year of probation.

Witnesses say Joshua Linhares deliberately drove at the ducks in the Dartmouth Mall parking lot in June, turning sharply and speeding up. Surveillance video from nearby stores supported their account, The Standard-Times newspaper reported. The 25-year-old man testified he didn't see the ducks because he was distracted by a woman waving her arms at him. He says he left the scene because he panicked.

New Bedford District Court jurors took 15 minutes Tuesday to convict him of animal cruelty.

The ducklings were adopted by a family and then released into the wild.


Nice “man”.

Children are being put through the hatches of recycling banks to steal second-hand clothing in Lincolnshire.

A recycling bank containing Oxfam donations at Morrison’s car park, in Wainfleet Road, Skegness, has been targeted five times since July.

Police warn the practice is "extremely dangerous" and say lives could be at risk, reports the BBC.

Eight bags of charity clothing were stolen in the latest incident. Oxfam officials say their shops are suffering due to the stolen donations.

Oxfam spokeswoman Sue Ray said: "They are putting a person into the hopper, usually a child, into a dark metal bank not knowing what's in there. It's got to be extremely dangerous."

Police community support officer Claire Scott said: "We urge those responsible to have a conscience and stop what they are doing."


Never mind “urging” them, nick the amoral gits.


And finally:



How about treating your loved ones to some reindeer food that is safe for humans or a belching beer pager in case they keep losing their beer?

Online retailer Stupid.com has released its third annual list of the stupidest gifts, gadgets, presents and stocking stuffers that can be found around the globe for that relative or friend who already has everything -- including a sense of humour.

"Nothing relieves the tension of a tough year better than a good laugh," said Stupid.com president Jim Kalmenson, adding that 5 000 gag gifts had been reviewed to come up with the final 10.

Here is the list of the top 10 stupidest gifts of 2009 from Los Angeles-based Stupid.com.
Reuters has not endorsed this list.
1. Swine Flu Recovery KitWhether you've got a sick friend or you're suffering from it yourself, the Swine Flu Survival Kit has everything you'll need to survive the nasty H1N1 bug, including some pig-shaped soap, bacon band-aids, bacon dental floss, and a sick bag.
2. Dog Poo Christmas OrnamentThis charming tree decoration doesn't really smell at all, but it is about as vile as an ornament can be.
3. Life Vest for Golf BallsNow you can save your golf ball and maybe your game with the Golf Ball Life Vest. This tiny orange flotation device is custom-made to fit over your golf ball, so you need never dread the water hazard again.
4. Freudian SlippersSlide your feet into a pair of Freudian Slippers and watch your anxiety, paranoia and obsession melt away. These plush and comfy slippers feature a stuffed Sigmund on the front.
5. Wall Street Finance ChimpFor the cost of a few bananas, get some advice from the Wall Street Financial Expert Chimp. This play set features an executive monkey, a chair, desk and a computer displaying an important deal.
6. Choke The Annoying ChickenAnger management takes a new form with this brightly coloured, super annoying squawker. Just give it a choke and it dances and struts to the Chicken Dance, making it possibly the most irritating toy ever.
7. Belching Beer PagerYou'll never lose another beer again no matter how much you drink! With a click of the remote your ice cold brewsky holder burps loudly and lights up as far as 60 feet away.
8. Talking Toilet PaperThe Talking Toilet Paper Dispenser allows you to record your own personal message that will be played every time someone pulls paper off the roll.
9. Obama Dress Up KitWho really is President Barack Obama? Now you can decide by dressing him up in a variety of magnetic outfits and props ranging from superhero to beach dude or business executive.
10. Reindeer Food for HumansThis holiday season, when you're leaving cookies and milk out for Santa, why not throw in a little Reindeer food as well? This bowl of yummy pellets is safe for human consumption. - Reuters


My fave is number six, as long as it has Gord’s face on it.


Angus

AnglishLit

Angus Dei-NHS-THE OTHER SIDE

Angus Dei politico





4 comments:

James Higham said...

I wonder if those pensioners realized they were never going to get away with it?

It's probably something like that which will start the ball rolling over our way and a lot of OAPs would be put away before anything was achieved - for many, posthumously.

angus said...

Don't know James, but if somebody ripped me off for £2 million I think I might have taken action.

As to OAPs here at least they wouldn't have to worry about food and heat;)

James Higham said...

True.

Life Vest for Golf Balls gets my vote, by the way.

CherryPie said...

There are some lovely photographs amongst those winner although one or two are a bit over manipulated for me.