Tuesday, 23 August 2011

Order-order: The milk of Elfandsafety: Jumping knicker nicker: Bum holes: Volleyball is pants: and Dudley dunces.


Dark, dim and dismal at the castle this morn, lots of sky water expected later, the study is full to the brim with non-computers, still knackered, the garden needs a serious fettling and his Maj is having the time of his life.


Sally Bercow is set to attract more controversial headlines after entering the Big Brother House last night.
The Speaker's wife has already attracted lurid media attention by telling the Express newspaper how she persuaded her husband John Bercow to let her go on the reality TV show.
"I just used my feminine wiles and took John away for a dirty weekend in Devon. I gave him a weekend he wouldn't forget which left him happy if breathless," she said.
"He eventually gave in, though he made me promise not to say or do anything that might harm him."
 

Too fucking late you dozy publicity seeking mare.




Which have been used as props for countless games involving ships, cars, dens and castles, have been taken away over fears that pupils could be injured on them.

"In all the time we have had the crates, we have not had a single child hurt themselves," said Anne Bardsley, a teacher at Wychwood Primary school in Oxfordshire, who described the decision to remove them as "outrageous".
The crates, once donated by a friendly milkman, were seized by Dairy Crest during a routine delivery.
Lyndsey Anderson, from the company, apologised for any distress. "Whilst we understand their disappointment at losing something they had come to view as playground equipment, it remains a fact that milk crates are not toys and current health and safety guidelines require that they should not be used as such," she said. 

Bollocks....




Bouncing Benji is in the doo after escaping from his owner and going on a knicker nicking spree.
Benji bounced from garden to garden in Prague, Czech Republic, collecting ladies lingerie as he went.
He was only caught when one victim looked out of her kitchen window and saw the two-year-old marsupial hopping it with her undies.
A police spokesman explained: "We had a call from Benji's owner saying his pet kangaroo had escaped. At the same time we started getting reports of a number of thefts from washing lines.
"We didn't think they could possibly be related until he was caught red-handed," he added.
Benji's relieved owner Petr Hlabovic, 35, said: "I'm very relieved to have him back. I've got no idea what he thought he was up to - he certainly didn't pick up the habit from me."


Yeah right......



In the upcoming Gastroenterology journal report by a team led by Shreya Rhagavan of the University of Michigan Medical School in Ann Arbor, researchers relate that they have successfully mixed human muscle cells with mouse nerves, and then grown them on a circular mold to make replacement sphincter rings. The findings could have implications for aging Baby Boomers.
"Faecal incontinence because of degenerated or weakened internal anal sphincter (IAS) has a high incidence rate in aging populations," begins the study. "Bioengineering could play a role in developing a translational approach to remedy faecal incontinence because of weakened IAS."


Great, that’s something to look forward to then....



Britain’s women beach volleyball champions are going for the bottom line after renting out their rears in an advertising deal.
Zara Dampney and Shauna Mullin will have a Quick Response barcode printed on the back of their bikini bottoms.
Then when spectators use a Smartphone to photograph the girls the codes will take them to a betting website.
Shauna, 26 and 24-year-old Zara – ranked 26th in the world and aiming for London 2012 – agreed on the adverts as part of a sponsorship deal with online bookies Betfair. Their bikinis will make an eye-catching addition to the Olympic beach volleyball tournament next summer. But they can be seen first at a test event at Horse Guards Parade, London, starting today. 

Just orf to the station.....

 And finally: 


Council contractors might have been wise to take a dictionary with them as well as brushes when painting this new road marking.
Drivers will no doubt get the message but “Keep Claer” is not exactly English as we know it.
The road sign, in Oak Street, Kingswinford, near Dudley, West Midlands, angered Irene Willis, 76, who lives nearby.
She said: “I can’t believe they could be so stupid – a child could spell that.
“Their mistake will probably end up costing the taxpayer money as they will have to come back to do it again.”
However Dudley councillor Patrick Harley, cabinet member for transportation, said: “We have been made aware that our contractor has spelt the word ‘clear’ incorrectly.
“The mistake will be corrected as soon as possible by the private contracting company at no extra cost to the council.”


The mond biggles....



And today’s thought: “Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.”

 Angus

3 comments:

James Higham said...

Wonder if the Berc has any idea what she looks like in the eyes of human beings.

Hope your dental and other health is holding too.

CherryPie said...

I am wondering who the Claer is that we have to keep...

Angus said...

not sure wether to call her Berc or Cow James, I am OK, getting bettter by the day.

Me too CherryPie:)