Hospital helpers: £175,000,000,000,000 in the pot: $600,000,000 dahn the drain: Un-happy feet: and F1 comes to the streets.

Warmish, sunny and calm at the Castle this morn, I see that the UARS satellite has finally “landed”, according to Nasa who says that its six-tonne satellite plunged to Earth over the Pacific Ocean, off the US west coast.

It appears likely the decommissioned craft came down between 03:23 and 05:09 GMT - with a best estimate of 04:16. 

At least I can put the tin hat away now.

And allegedly the heads of the Royal College of Nursing and the Royal College of GPs have called on patients' relatives to help nurses carry out some of their caring duties, such as feeding and taking them to the toilet.

Not both at the same time I hope.

It looks as if German and French officials have come up with a spiffing plan to “save the Eurozone”.

The eurozone deal, being brokered by the G20 group of nations, would seek to "ring fence" the crisis around Greece, Portugal and Ireland - preventing it from spreading to major EU economies such as Italy and Spain.

It would involve the bailing out those European banks - mostly French - most at risk from their massive lending’s to tottering economies.

At this stage, a new bail-out programme would be devised for Greece - with cash coming at least in part from the International Monetary Fund, in which Britain holds a 4.5 per cent stake.

This could mean British taxpayers paying out more than the £1billion they are already slated to have to contribute under the terms of the first Greek bailout fund.

Greece, crucially, would be able to default on at least some of its more than £300billion debts but remain inside the eurozone. The Greek government's private creditors would bear most of the increased costs.

Most of the money in the new rescue package would come from the EFSF - limiting Britain's involvement. The fund is currently valued at £350billion, but would need much more cash pumped into it from its members states.

£1.75 trillion-that’s nearly a tank full for the Honda.

Over the wet thing to the left

The federal government has doled out more than $600 million in benefit payments to dead people over the past five years, a watchdog report says.

Such payments are meant for retired or disabled federal workers, but sometimes the cheques keep going out even after the former employees pass away and the deaths are not reported, according to the report this week from the Office of Personnel Management's inspector general, Patrick McFarland.

In one case, the son of a beneficiary continued receiving payments for 37 years after his father's death in 1971. The payments — totalling more than $515,000 — were only discovered when the son died in 2008.

The government has been aware of the problem since a 2005 inspector general's report revealed defects in the Civil Service Retirement and Disability Fund. Yet the improper payments have continued, despite more than a half dozen attempts to develop a system that can figure out which beneficiaries are still alive and which are dead, the report said.

Piss poor policies is a world-wide phenomenon.

Remember “Happy Feet”?

The emperor penguin which became a global star after coming ashore in New Zealand has been eaten by a killer whale just days into his 2,000-mile trek home, it was feared yesterday.

Happy Feet was released into the Antarctic Ocean on September 4 after he was found wandering Peka Peka beach on the North Island in June.

He was gravely ill after eating sand he mistook for snow.

Experts fear the worst after his tracker device has failed to pick up a signal for three days.

Life really is a bitch, but wouldn’t the tracker be inside the Killer Whale?

And finally: 

An Essex engineer has stunned other motorists after creating a completely road legal F1 car.

Russ Bost's custom-built mean machine is capable of 0 to 60mph in three seconds and can reach 170mph.

But unlike a real Formula One car, his version can be snapped up for a mere £10,000 and does 30 miles to the gallon.

Mr Bost calls the finished vehicle, which can legally be driven on British roads, Furore F1.

He said: "I get so many funny looks when I am out and about in it and I often get people asking me if it is a real Formula One car.

"I have had the occasional boy racer revving at the lights. I let them drive off then I pass them a second or so later anyway. I don't want to encourage bad driving."

The Furore F1 was made entirely from spare parts, with an engine from a 1,400cc Kawasaki motorbike engine.

Meanwhile, the gears and brakes come from an old Toyota MR2 that Mr Bost, from Benfleet, picked up for £300.

As well as building one for himself, he has also built a number of the two-seater cars for enthusiasts from as far afield as the US and Canada.

I want one! But I don’t think I would be able to get out of it......

That’s it: I’m orf to see if this is the way to Armadillo... 

And today’s thought: The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

Angus