Not even a plan A (part Deux): Oftwat: Dopey’s missus aims at Brighton: Frosty parade: Septic loo paper: Yeti isn’t: and a Folding pussy.

Cold and clammy with vast amounts of high velocity atmospheric movement at the castle this morn, the study has a couple of Macs awaiting a blow through and his Maj has discovered how to open doors by hanging on the handles.

I see that son of a B...aronet (and alien reptile in disguise) George (I failed my O level maths) Osborne is thinking about using £10 billion of our money to underwrite loans to small businesses.

Under the "credit easing" scheme, aimed at boosting growth, the government would underwrite banks' borrowing so they could borrow more cheaply.

I may not be very bright but isn’t “growth” so piss poor because the electorate doesn’t have any money to spend, thus we are buying less which leads to manufacturing decreases, which leads to more unemployment which leads to even more of us having less money to spend, which leads to....

Solution: we need more money-reduce VAT and go juice tax, ban above inflation rises by “energy” suppliers and transport movers then we could begin to spend again and maybe despite the Piss Poor policies Millionaires Club Coalition’s efforts to totally balls up Blighty the economy might begin to recover.

But then again, I may not be very bright.

 And talking of rip orf “providers”

Household water bills will rise by up to 10 per cent next spring, heaping further misery on consumers and adding as much as £60 to annual bills.

The price rises will further dent families’ disposable incomes, which are already depleted by rising petrol, heating and food prices.

Household water and sewage prices are fixed every April by the UK’s 22 water companies. The utility firms base their prices each spring on the previous November’s RPI inflation figure, meaning that next year’s bills will increase by the current rate of inflation, which is running at a near-record high of over 5 per cent. This alone will add £20 to the average household water bill of £356.

However on top of the inflation-based increase, industry regulator Oftwat allows water companies to raise prices by an additional amount each year.

These above-inflation allowances, which are pre-arranged by Oftwat every five years, will push many bills up significantly further.

For example Thames Water, which provides water to 9 million people in London and the Thames Valley, is allowed by the regulator to raise next year’s prices by 4.6 per cent above inflation. This means that a typical water and sewage bill in London could rise by £30 to £350 in total.

Of the UK’s 22 water companies, just six have been set targets by Oftwat to reduce their prices after inflation next year.

 Point made.... 

Meanwhile: 

House of Commons speaker Bercow’s bride

Wants to be an MP; Dopey’s better half marked her birthday last week by declaring she is ready to throw her "hat into the ring" to become a Labour MP. But, after confiding she didn't fancy all the "slogging around" looking for a seat, she has hopes of winning back a marginal for Labour.

Apparently "Brighton could be one, because I don't think they are into identikit politicians," she told The Argus newspaper in the city. "I know Brighton very well. I was brought up in West Sussex, and I love Brighton to bits."

Nice to see that bed sheet Sally is fully committed....

More than a smidge over to the left

A man in a "Frosty the Snowman" costume was arrested Saturday during the annual Christmas parade in Chestertown, on Maryland’s Eastern Shore. He’s accused of scuffling with police and kicking at a police dog.

Sgt. John A. Dolgos tells The Star Democrat of Easton that 52-year-old Kevin Michael Walsh became agitated when a dog-handling officer tried to escort him away from the crowd.

Bit of a frosty reception then...

And further down the Americas

Federal prosecutors in Florida say at least three people working for a septic tank company duped customers into buying about $1 million in unnecessary products -- in some cases enough toilet paper to last more than 70 years.

More than a dozen customers were told they needed special toilet paper to avoid ruining their septic tanks because the federal government changed regulations on toilet paper. The federal government does not regulate septic tank products.

The trio pleaded guilty in federal court to conspiring to commit wire fraud.

The Miami Herald reported that they worked for FBK Products. A phone number for the Riviera Beach-based company was not working Saturday.

The trio faces up to two decades in prison when they are sentenced in February.

Hope the toilet paper in jail is soft.....

Right a lot to the other side of the non-existent iron curtain

Last month a group of international scientists made headlines last month after suggesting they were "95 percent" certain they'd found evidence that the elusive Yeti -- or fabled Siberian Snowman -- really exists.

But one scientist who was part of the big snowman hunt tells The Huffington Post that local Siberian officials staged the entire snowman scenario -- all for publicity.

 Oh Yeti is....

And finally:

Back over to the land of the pet and the home of the vet

A rare breed of feline descended from a Perthshire barn cat has become the hottest new pet in Hollywood.

The Scottish Fold – distinctive because its folded down ears give it an appealing “owl-like” appearance – has become one of the most desired cat breeds in America, with celebrities including Kirsten Dunst, Mia Farrow and country music megastar Taylor Swift – who tweeted pictures of her new Scottish Fold kitten last week – shelling out thousands of dollars to get hold of one.

The exotic breed is descended from a white barn cat that lived on a farm near Coupar Angus in 1961, when its unusual folded-ear appearance, believed to be the result of a spontaneous genetic mutation, caught the eye of local shepherd William Ross. He asked for a kitten from the litter for breeding purposes and every Scottish Fold is believed to be descended from that one animal.

Scottish Folds cannot be bred with each other without causing severe genetic mutation, meaning it is common for a litter to contain only one cat with the true folded ear appearance. As a result they regularly change hands for up to £1,000. Prospective owners are often placed on waiting lists or even entered into lotteries for available kittens.

Nowt to do with me.....bless....

That’s it: I’m orf to check for fakes.

And today’s thought: 

Angus