Monday, 26 November 2012

Boris does the sub-continent: Up your VAT: 'Temperature tolerant chocolate': Reckless electricity: Eternal Tardigrades: and a Squeaky brat.


Bathfuls of sky water, bothersome atmospheric movement, blissful amounts of lack of warm and bugger all solar stuff at the Castle this morn, following yestermorn’s battle with the Giant Flying Freudian Penis and tethering it dahn to the patio I was kept awake by wet stuff dripping on it all night.
Still watching updates being “installed” on the “new” desktop and have just returned from the stale bread, gruel and his Maj’s food and “Dreamies” run dahn Tesco.
 
And his Maj has discovered the joy of a nice warm TV screen.
 


Apparently the Mayor of the Smoke has begun a six-day tour of India to promote business links.
He said the UK could no longer rely on the colonial sentiments of the past as it seeks to build new business links with India.
Boris Johnson said to simply rely on India's history with the UK "simply didn't cut the mustard".
BJ began his tour visiting the Akshardham Hindu temple, before heading to India Gate, in Delhi.
He was greeted by monks with a garland of rose petals and the traditional kanku - with the red dot daubed on his forehead.
But a bemused Indian local mistook him for Wimbledon legend Boris Becker.
Akash Bharadia, 18, who is spending his gap year volunteering at the temple, said: "One of the locals shouted out it was Boris Becker while some people asked whether he was the King of England.
 

Nah: It’s the king of cock-ups; there goes any hope of trade with the sub Continent.

 


Son of a B.....aronet and alien reptile in disguise George (I enjoyed the sus anal bum party) Osborne is so bleedin bad at his attempts to do his job that he may have to raise VAT to 25% to balance the budget.
Weak economic growth and lower than expected tax payments have left a hole in the Chancellor’s plans that may need to be filled by higher taxes or further cuts to public spending, the Institute for Fiscal Studies said.
Even under the most “optimistic” forecast, the Chancellor will miss his target for debt to fall between 2015 and 2016 and should abandon the goal, the IFS said.
But a more pessimistic assessment suggests that Mr Osborne will also fail to achieve his key “fiscal mandate”, which is to balance the budget within five years, the IFS said.
If the current weak growth and low tax receipts are permanent, the Chancellor will need another £23 billion of tax rises or spending cuts to be on course to meet his mandate by 2018, the report said.
The think-tank said this would be “roughly equivalent to increasing the main rate of VAT from 20 per cent to 25 per cent”, or imposing even deeper welfare cuts than announced so far.

 
Nice work you useless twonk...

 

Cadbury’s scientists have come up with a new kind of chocolate that stays solid in the most sweltering temperatures.
The newly invented Dairy Milk bars can remain in boiling temperatures of up to 104 degrees for more than three hours before even starting to soften up
Engineers at the Cadbury’s research and development plant in Bourneville have set out their revolutionary technique for making the ‘temperature tolerant chocolate’ in an 8,000 word patent application.
The secret to the new bars is a change in the so-called 'conching step' - where a container filled with metal beads grinds the ingredients, which usually include cocoa butter, vegetable oils, milk and sugar.
Scientists has developed a way of breaking down sugar particles into smaller pieces, reducing how much fat covers them and making the bar more resistant to heat

 The only snag is that Cadbury’s confectionary invention will not be available to Brits – even when the weather starts to warm up, it will only be available in tropical countries thought to include India and Brazil.

 
With our wevver I don’t think it will make much difference....

 


A Dundee man is facing court accused of “recklessly producing household electricity” with a bizarre homemade transformer, a court heard today.
Charles McKenzie is alleged to have rigged up a “dangerous transformer assembly” at his flat in Dundee’s Dudhope Court.
It is alleged he “culpably and recklessly” produced electricity “with total disregard for the safety of yourself and others”.
Fiscal depute Laura Bruce said: “The Crown’s position is that he had this man-made assembly in his house suspended from the ceiling by thin ropes.
“There was a car battery and cans of petrol nearby.”

 
Shocking....

 
 
You probably know this but:

There are creatures called Tardigrades which were put out into open vacuum space and solar radiation for ten days, and survived. Some of the ones that died managed to mysteriously resurrect themselves

Commonly known as waterbears or moss piglets they are small, water-dwelling, segmented animals with eight legs. They form the phylum Tardigrada, and part of the superphylum Ecdysozoa. It's an ancient group, with fossils dating from 530 million years ago, in the Cambrian period. The first Tardigrades were discovered by Johann August Ephraim Goeze in 1773. Since 1778, over 500 new tardigrade species have been found.

Usually, Tardigrades are 1mm when they are fully grown. They are short and plump with 4 pairs of poorly articulated lobopodial limbs. Each limb has 4-8 claws also known as disks. Tardigrades all possess a buccopharyngeal membrane apparatus, which, along with the claws, are used to differentiate the different species. Tardigrades are covered in cuticle which contains chitin and protein.

Knew there would be a snag....

 

And finally:

 

video
 

Family and teachers thought 7-year-old Hector Flores Jr. of New York was playing a trick on them when they heard him making a squeaking sound.

Turns out, the boy had swallowed a whistle from his plastic toy duck nearly a month ago.

His family took him to the emergency room and doctors were able to remove the whistle piece from Hector's lung.

 

Quackers....

 


 

And today’s thought:
Blighty export
 

 

Angus

5 comments:

Bernard said...

Some years ago I saw a DVD for sale which just played views of a tank of fish. A 'virtual fish tank' thingie for Doctors waiting rooms? I would have got one for my cats, except for the £12.99 price tag!
Still searching charity shops for a cheapo. I expect they are on ebay?

Angus Dei said...

You can indeed Bernard the Bargain hunter: just put fishtank dvd in the ebay search box and you can pick one up for about £1.50

James Higham said...

Boris has been quite disappointing of late with his backtracking.

CherryPie said...

Cats always find the best places. I startled next doors cats this morning when I went to work. For some reason they always prefer sitting outside my front door ;-)

Angus Dei said...

I think he is preparing to go for the Prime Monster's "job" James.

I have one that sleeps on my dustbin CherryPie, it frightens the life out of both of us when I open the Portcullis in the morn:)