Ethical vacuum: Poor Old Farts: Bacon face: Sex in a Swiss box: Rubbish Wi-Fi: and Loop Quantum Cosmology.

Mammoth amounts of lack of warm, multitudes of layers of scrapey-scrapey stuff, minimal amounts of skywater and not a sign of Dawn’s crack at the Castle this morn.

Didn’t post yestermorn, had an early Tooth Doctor’s appointment after the stale bread, gruel and his Maj’s food run dahn Tesco, I won’t go into details but suffice it to say that spitting up blood isn’t one of my favourite pastimes.

 

According to Leveson

The publication of naked pictures of Prince Harry and the Duchess of Cambridge shows that the "Blogosphere" is an “ethical vacuum”, and that while people will not assume that what they read on the internet is “trustworthy”, they expect newspapers to be a “quality product”.

At the inquiry, newspapers argued that stricter regulation of the press would be meaningless without greater controls of the internet.

“The press, on the other hand, does claim to operate by and adhere to an ethical code of conduct. Newspapers, through whichever medium they are delivered, purport to offer a quality product in all senses of the term.”

“In contrast, the internet does not function on that basis at all. People will not assume that what they read on the internet is trustworthy or that it carries any particular assurance or accuracy; it need be no more than one person’s view.”

 

Isn’t that what free speech is all about?

 

And the Torygraph thinks that

People over the age of 50 are “sleepwalking” into a pension crisis by over-estimating how well-off they will be in retirement.

A report by the Institute for Fiscal Studies (IFS) and the National Association of Pension Funds (NAPF) found that a third of people aged between 52 and 64 have no idea what their workplace pension income will be in retirement.

It also found that six in ten people over the age of 50 who are still in work have not yet thought about how many years of retirement they might need to finance.

The NAPF said the findings mean that millions of workers will be poorer than they think when they stop working.

The study found that women in their 50s believe they will live until they are 84, when their life expectancy is 88. Men, meanwhile, predict they will live until 83 when their life expectancy is 85.

The report found that on average people in so-called defined contribution workplace pension schemes aged between 50 and 64 would need to see their pot make investment returns of 77 per cent to reach the income they expect in retirement. The average UK pension fund makes annual returns of just 4.3 per cent.

 

So where has all the money gorn-oh yes the Bankers pissed it all away gambling on the markets....and the “government” let them.

 

Left to the home of cholesterol and the land of “big” stuff

A bacon-scented shaving cream has hit the market, so men can carry the smell of fried pork with them wherever they go.Its makers, J&D's Foods, claim it will make users 'smell and feel like a champion'.

However one customer who tested the lotion at Earl's Cuts in Seattle, Washington, sounded a little unsure about the meaty aroma, telling The Seattle Insider 'I feel like I'm in a skillet'

The new product, which launched yesterday, is described as 'high end' and 'luxurious' and the U.S. brand adds that men should use it after a hot shower or before an 'important date'.

Justin Esch and Dave Lefkow, the men behind J&D's Food, have only created 2,500 jars of their $14.95. Bacon Shaving Cream.

Apparently Mr Lefkow said: 'This is something that every bacon loving male needs. You’re going to smell good, you’re feeling good and you're probably going to taste good.'

While Mr Esch, who also had a hand in creating the strange toiletry item, explained: 'Breakfast is the most important meal of the day and bacon is the best part of breakfast. Why not smell like it and be the best?'

Oh joy......wonder if they do one that smells of money?

 

East to the land of tall, rocky things and pointy chocolate

The Swiss city of Zurich is to open drive-in sex boxes in an attempt to rid the town of street prostitution.

Zurich council has approved a plan to build the boxes, which will, it hopes, provide a discreet location for prostitutes and their clients to conduct business when they open in August next year.

Located in an industrial area of the city, the row of garage-like boxes will have roofs and walls for privacy, and easy access for cars. The council estimates that around 30 prostitutes will meet clients at the site of the boxes, and use the drive-in slots on a first-come-first-served basis.

The prostitutes who use the sex boxes will also have to take out medical insurance and buy a £26 licence in order to ply their trade. On top of that they will also have to feed five Swiss francs, about £3.30, into a roadside ticket machine each night when they clock on.

 

Traffic jam sex?

 

Norf of the border

 

Aberdeen is set to spearhead a refuse revolution by installing hi-tech litter bins in the city centre – which will also provide free Wi-Fi access for visitors to the area.

• Bins will use Wi-Fi technology to alert refuse department when they are full

• Wi-Fi hotspots will also be used to distribute tourist information advice

The City Council, in partnership with the Aberdeen Inspired initiative, is planning to spend almost £250,000 by ordering 60 “Big Belly Bins” for key locations around the city centre.

The solar powered bins are fitted with waste compactors, ensuring they need emptied less often than standard designs. The bins also use wireless technology to alert authorities when they are full and the electronics used to issue the alerts will also allow the bins to act as Wi-Fi hotspots, providing visitors with up to date guides to the city and its sights, shops and restaurants.

The £246,500 cost of the project is to be shared by the city council and Aberdeen Inspired, the banner under which the Aberdeen BID (Business Improvement District) is operating.

Susan Bree, chief executive of Aberdeen Inspired, said: “We want Aberdeen to be at the forefront when it comes to technology and the Big Belly Bins are just one of the examples of the initiatives we are pressing ahead with.

“The additional feature of providing Wi-Fi access is also a major bonus, all part of our wider aim to increase footfall in the city centre and make Aberdeen more attractive to visitors.”

Ever been to Aberdeen? I have........once........

 

And finally:

 

There is a new paradigm shift for the infant universe

 

Using techniques from an area of modern physics called loop quantum cosmology, developed at Penn State, the scientists at Penn State University have extended analyses that include quantum physics farther back in time than ever before — all the way to the beginning. The new paradigm of loop quantum origins shows, for the first time, that the large-scale structures we now see in the universe evolved from fundamental fluctuations in the essential quantum nature of “space-time,” which existed even at the very beginning of the universe over 14 billion years ago. The achievement also provides new opportunities for testing competing theories of modern cosmology against breakthrough observations expected from next-generation telescope

Allegedly the new paradigm provides a conceptual and mathematical framework for describing the exotic “quantum-mechanical geometry of space-time” in the very early universe. The paradigm shows that, during this early era, the universe was compressed to such unimaginable densities that its behaviour was ruled not by the classical physics of Einstein’s general theory of relativity, but by an even more fundamental theory that also incorporates the strange dynamics of quantum mechanics. The density of matter was huge then — 1094 grams per cubic centimetre, as compared with the density of an atomic nucleus today, which is only 1014 grams. In this bizarre quantum-mechanical environment — where one can speak only of probabilities of events rather than certainties — physical properties naturally would be vastly different from the way we experience them today. Among these differences, Ashtekar said, are the concept of “time,” as well as the changing dynamics of various systems over time as they experience the fabric of quantum geometry itself.

 

So now you know.....

 

That’s it: I’m orf to see if the Skylon engine will fit in the Honda

 

And today’s thought:

Not in my back passage

 

 

Angus

Lifestyle NHS: Bouncy injuries: Capsulated char: Cambridge terminators: Half an Ark: and the worst scam........ in the world.

Numbing amounts of lack of warm, niggling amounts of atmospheric movement, Nano amounts of skywater and not a glimpse of solar stuff at the Castle this morn, I wasn’t able to post yestermorn because I couldn’t access my Google/blogger account thingy, quite miffing but I did manage to start on the clean up after all the decorating.

 

The “Lifestyle” NHS raises its moronic head again

According to Tory MP and GP Phillip Lee those of us who are unfortunate to suffer from ‘lifestyle-related diseases’ such as type 2 diabetes should be made to pay for their prescriptions.

Lee said that to ensure that people could continue to access care when they needed it; the NHS needed a fundamental reform. He told the audience at the Institute of Economic Affairs that the government and the public needed to recognise that the way the NHS had been set up for a generation of ‘stoic’ British people was now no longer viable and take steps to reform it accordingly, otherwise the health system faced what he alarmingly described as ‘collapse’.

In order to encourage patients to take responsibility for their own health, as well as saving what he estimates from FOI requests to the Health Department to be around £400 million, Lee proposes removing the right to free prescriptions for those with diabetes and other similar illnesses. He also praised the Danish system of giving a patient a budget for their prescriptions, which they would have to top up themselves if they exceeded, and suggested that all GPs should dispense medicines. Insisting that this was not part of a desire to privatise the health care system or prevent it from being free at the point of access, he said: ‘I just think that we have got to have an affordable system that rewards individual responsibility.’

 

This is the thin end of the wedge that could lead to smokers, drinkers and the not so slim being charged for treatment from the dear old lady.

 

But what about those “other lifestyle” medical needs-the joggers who damage themselves wearing out the pavements, the weekend footballers who damage others on the pitch, the speeding drivers who crash and damage themselves and others on the black, pothole infested driving things and all other self inflicted injuries from diy, athletics, rugby, tennis, squash and other assorted “pastimes”.

It will never work; we pays our stamp and we are entitled to treatment, no matter what the cause of our “illness” is, smokers pay way more tax into the coffers than they take out from the NHS, excessive drinkers are just a pain in the arse and should know better, larger than life people should probably consume less fatty stuff (if they can afford it), but none of these “lifestyles” is the concern of  The Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition, Blighty is supposedly a “free” land where we pay our taxes, some of us obey the laws, and the function of Government is to keep us safe, control the economy and keep the fuck out of our business.

 

Sadly “they” have done none of these things, so “they” look for someone to blame-us.

 

According to “experts”

Excitable children suffered an “alarming increase” in injuries while jumping on inflatable’s, Researchers studying hospital statistics found a 15-fold increase in wounds including broken bones, head injuries and cuts since 1995.

Fractures, strains and sprains were found to be the most common injury, with one in five hurt children reporting damage to the head or neck.

Current advice from the Boys’ Brigade, the youth organisation, cites statistics showing approximately 10,000 injuries arising from bouncy castles in the UK every year.

It claims 4,000 of these were caused by playing on inflatable’s in private homes, while the remainder were at public events.

Most of the injuries are caused by children bouncing off the inflatable and onto the ground, being hit by other children or just falling awkwardly” the charity’s guidance notes. “

Researchers writing in the journal Paediatrics are now calling for safety guidelines, as they find 43 per cent of all bouncy castle-related injuries are caused by falls.

Other painful accidents were caused by children attempting spectacular stunts or colliding with one another.

 

Simple solution-don’t inflate the stupid things...

 

Somewhere over the teabag

The latest thing in the world of brews is Tê, a pod-based tea maker prototype which could signal the demise of the very bag itself.

The firm behind the new system claims it features "a disposable capsule and the ability to reduce brew time and increase drink quality".

The Tê system brews tea in two minutes, rather than the traditional four that is recommended by tea companies, it also allows users to select the strength of their tea; prices of capsules would vary depending on the quality of the tea, and the machines would likely be cheaper than some coffee machines.

 

Tea bags are recyclable, what do you do with the plastic capsule?

 

According to Cambridge “researchers”

The Centre for the Study of Existential Risk (CSER) will study dangers posed by biotechnology, artificial life, nanotechnology and climate change.

The scientists said that to dismiss concerns of a potential robot uprising would be “dangerous”.

“The seriousness of these risks is difficult to assess, but that in itself seems a cause for concern, given how much is at stake,” the researchers wrote on a website set up for the centre.

The CSER project has been co-founded by Cambridge philosophy professor Huw Price, cosmology and astrophysics professor Martin Rees and Skype co-founder Jaan Tallinn.

“It seems a reasonable prediction that some time in this or the next century intelligence will escape from the constraints of biology,” Prof Price told the AFP news agency.

“What we’re trying to do is to push it forward in the respectable scientific community.”

He added that as robots and computers become smarter than humans, we could find ourselves at the mercy of “machines that are not malicious, but machines whose interests don’t include us”.

 

If we are still here the centre will launch next year.

 

Who pays for this bollocks...?

  

Staying with the end of the world thingy

 

Lu Zhenghai from Urumqi, China was afraid the rumours about the apocalypse happening in December of 2012 might be true, so he decided to follow Noah’s example and build an ark.

He spent all his life savings of 1 million Yuan ($160,500) on building his apocalypse proof boat, capable of keeping him safe in case of a disastrous flood. The vessel, designed by Lu himself, is 21.2 meters long, 15.5 meters wide, 5.6 meters high and displaces about 140 tons of water. It’s not much to look at, but Lu claims that once it’s finished, it will fulfil its purpose.

The new Noah started working on his DIY ark in 2010, but after two years of constant spending, he has exhausted all his financial resources. With less than a month to go before the dreaded deadline, the boat still needs about a million Yuan in equipment to be ready.

Just in case the 2012 apocalypse doesn’t happen, Lu plans to use his boat to offer sightseeing tours on the Tarim River, combat floods and provide ferry services.

Maybe he could go to the bank for a loan-after all they won’t need the money after December...

 

And finally: 

Got this in the email this morn (when I finally managed to log in).

angusdei@live.co.uk:

Information reaching my desk shows that you are the next on the list to receive a compensation amount of 500,000.00 GBP (Five hundred thousand Great British Pounds). You are receiving this compensation because your email, amongst others, was submitted to us by the anti-fraud unit of the Interpol as previously scammed victims. This compensation was provided by the United Nations as reconciliation.

We have instructed our bankers to transfer 500,000.00 GBP to your bank account without delays. Details of our bankers are as follows:

Bank Name: NatWest Bank PLC – Edinburgh Branch – United Kingdom
Tel: +447024055365
Fax: +447040905126
Contact Person: Sharon Burnett (General Fund Manager)

Please kindly send the below information to our bankers to enable them transfer your funds immediately.

1. Full names
2. Residential address
3. Phone/ Mobile number
4. Fax number
5. Email address
6. Reference code (Your reference code is HM-099118)
7. Bank account details
8. Copy of your international passport or driver’s license

You should send the above details by fax. Their fax number is +447040905126. They will transfer 500,000.00 GBP to your account as soon as you have faxed your information to them. It will take only three working days to receive your funds.

Please inform us as soon as you receive your money

Best Regards

Rt Hon Alistair Darling MP
Chancellor of the Exchequer
HM Treasury
1 Horse Guards Road
London
SW1A 2HQ
United Kingdom

Tel: +447024075301

 

Spot the error...

 

That’s it: I’m orf to have a butchers at Sesame out in the East

 

And today’s thought:

R.I.P. NHS

 

Angus

Boris does the sub-continent: Up your VAT: 'Temperature tolerant chocolate': Reckless electricity: Eternal Tardigrades: and a Squeaky brat.

Bathfuls of sky water, bothersome atmospheric movement, blissful amounts of lack of warm and bugger all solar stuff at the Castle this morn, following yestermorn’s battle with the Giant Flying Freudian Penis and tethering it dahn to the patio I was kept awake by wet stuff dripping on it all night.

Still watching updates being “installed” on the “new” desktop and have just returned from the stale bread, gruel and his Maj’s food and “Dreamies” run dahn Tesco.

 

And his Maj has discovered the joy of a nice warm TV screen.

 

East to the land of warm weather and Boris

Apparently the Mayor of the Smoke has begun a six-day tour of India to promote business links.

He said the UK could no longer rely on the colonial sentiments of the past as it seeks to build new business links with India.

Boris Johnson said to simply rely on India's history with the UK "simply didn't cut the mustard".

BJ began his tour visiting the Akshardham Hindu temple, before heading to India Gate, in Delhi.

He was greeted by monks with a garland of rose petals and the traditional kanku - with the red dot daubed on his forehead.

But a bemused Indian local mistook him for Wimbledon legend Boris Becker.

Akash Bharadia, 18, who is spending his gap year volunteering at the temple, said: "One of the locals shouted out it was Boris Becker while some people asked whether he was the King of England.

 

Nah: It’s the king of cock-ups; there goes any hope of trade with the sub Continent.

 

And according to the Institute for Fiscal Studies

Son of a B.....aronet and alien reptile in disguise George (I enjoyed the sus anal bum party) Osborne is so bleedin bad at his attempts to do his job that he may have to raise VAT to 25% to balance the budget.

Weak economic growth and lower than expected tax payments have left a hole in the Chancellor’s plans that may need to be filled by higher taxes or further cuts to public spending, the Institute for Fiscal Studies said.

Even under the most “optimistic” forecast, the Chancellor will miss his target for debt to fall between 2015 and 2016 and should abandon the goal, the IFS said.

But a more pessimistic assessment suggests that Mr Osborne will also fail to achieve his key “fiscal mandate”, which is to balance the budget within five years, the IFS said.

If the current weak growth and low tax receipts are permanent, the Chancellor will need another £23 billion of tax rises or spending cuts to be on course to meet his mandate by 2018, the report said.

The think-tank said this would be “roughly equivalent to increasing the main rate of VAT from 20 per cent to 25 per cent”, or imposing even deeper welfare cuts than announced so far.

 

Nice work you useless twonk...

 

In the Chocosphere

Cadbury’s scientists have come up with a new kind of chocolate that stays solid in the most sweltering temperatures.

The newly invented Dairy Milk bars can remain in boiling temperatures of up to 104 degrees for more than three hours before even starting to soften up

Engineers at the Cadbury’s research and development plant in Bourneville have set out their revolutionary technique for making the ‘temperature tolerant chocolate’ in an 8,000 word patent application.

The secret to the new bars is a change in the so-called 'conching step' - where a container filled with metal beads grinds the ingredients, which usually include cocoa butter, vegetable oils, milk and sugar.

Scientists has developed a way of breaking down sugar particles into smaller pieces, reducing how much fat covers them and making the bar more resistant to heat

 The only snag is that Cadbury’s confectionary invention will not be available to Brits – even when the weather starts to warm up, it will only be available in tropical countries thought to include India and Brazil.

 

With our wevver I don’t think it will make much difference....

 

Norf of the border

A Dundee man is facing court accused of “recklessly producing household electricity” with a bizarre homemade transformer, a court heard today.

Charles McKenzie is alleged to have rigged up a “dangerous transformer assembly” at his flat in Dundee’s Dudhope Court.

It is alleged he “culpably and recklessly” produced electricity “with total disregard for the safety of yourself and others”.

Fiscal depute Laura Bruce said: “The Crown’s position is that he had this man-made assembly in his house suspended from the ceiling by thin ropes.

“There was a car battery and cans of petrol nearby.”

 

Shocking....

 

The secret of immortality

 

You probably know this but:

There are creatures called Tardigrades which were put out into open vacuum space and solar radiation for ten days, and survived. Some of the ones that died managed to mysteriously resurrect themselves

Commonly known as waterbears or moss piglets they are small, water-dwelling, segmented animals with eight legs. They form the phylum Tardigrada, and part of the superphylum Ecdysozoa. It's an ancient group, with fossils dating from 530 million years ago, in the Cambrian period. The first Tardigrades were discovered by Johann August Ephraim Goeze in 1773. Since 1778, over 500 new tardigrade species have been found.

Usually, Tardigrades are 1mm when they are fully grown. They are short and plump with 4 pairs of poorly articulated lobopodial limbs. Each limb has 4-8 claws also known as disks. Tardigrades all possess a buccopharyngeal membrane apparatus, which, along with the claws, are used to differentiate the different species. Tardigrades are covered in cuticle which contains chitin and protein.

Knew there would be a snag....

 

And finally:

 

Left to the Big Apple

 

Family and teachers thought 7-year-old Hector Flores Jr. of New York was playing a trick on them when they heard him making a squeaking sound.

Turns out, the boy had swallowed a whistle from his plastic toy duck nearly a month ago.

His family took him to the emergency room and doctors were able to remove the whistle piece from Hector's lung.

 

Quackers....

 

That’s it: I’m orf to Oxfordshire to check out the synchrotron.

 

And today’s thought:

Blighty export

 

 

Angus

Giant flying Freudian penis: and The Lord of the building sites “artistic” snaps.

I don’t normally post on Sundays, it is not a religious thing but just that I can’t be arsed, and I am sick of watching the 104 “updates” being installed on my “new” desktop computer so I thought this tale might amuse a couple of readers.

 

 

I was woken at 5.30 of this am by a blast of wind through the master bedroom (and no it wasn’t the curry I had last eve but atmospheric movement), and then as I crawled out of the four poster to close the window ( I always sleep with the window open-even in the depths of the cold stuff) I saw a giant Freudian penis (cylindrical object) shoot up vertically past the glass covered orifice, and attached to said giant Freudian penis (GFP) was what looked like one of my metal garden chairs.

The GFP then descended past the window to land with a bit of noise on the patio and took orf across the garden dragging said heavy garden chair at more than a rate of knots.

Donning my slippers I sort of dashed dahn the stairs and into the garden in my jim-jams (funny place to have a garden I know but strange things go on at the Castle) I then managed to catch the chair attached to the GFP (which turned out to be the cover for the chairs and table which reside in the other garden (not in my jim-jams), there followed a game of ‘chase me’ as the wind caught the GFP and dragged me and metal chair up and dahn the lawn a couple of times before I pounced on the errant GFP, deflated it and threw it into the undergrowth (see shaky pic).

As I limped back into the Castle covered in skywater and wet earth his Maj was lying on his back on the window sill with his mouth wide open, I swear the little sod was laughing....

 

The other thing which may be of interest

 

This came from an old (Anonymous) friend

Is regarding the Lord of the Building site and his ex-collection of “erotic photos from the world of high fashion” which came up for sale back in 2003.

Allegedly the owner of “A (Very) Private Collection: Fashion and Eroticism Photographs 1970-1990 –was keen to remain anonymous.”

The Sunday Times noted the collection was initially thought to be that of an ageing roué, with an eye for the ladies, who was now desperate for the 100,000 or so pounds the collection is expected to bring.

The paper then received a tip the seller was the prodigious collector and former Tory treasurer, Lord Alistair McAlpine, who is hardly short of a quid (or £310,000 or so).

But the nice old Lord of the B&B had kindly donated 700 photographs by the likes of Bob Carlos Clarke, David Bailey, Terence Donovan, designer Karl Lagerfeld and others to the Art Gallery of NSW.

The marketing manager for Bloomsbury Book Auctions, which is handling the sale, would not reveal to Sauce the identity of the seller, except to confirm it was an institution rather than an individual.

Despite the art gallery’s director, Edmund Capon, being a friend of Lord McAlpine, the peer knew nothing of the sale until contacted by the Sunday Times.

When Sauce contacted McAlpine, who is busy with the upcoming opening of his B & B, formerly a 14th century convent in southern Italy, his lordship was more miffed by the sleazy title.

“I’m not put out, because if they [the art gallery] want to sell something I gave them, that’s their business. The fact is I just think it was very silly to sell these things.

“While they might not seem of great importance to a curator or photographer sitting in Sydney, which isn’t the epicentre of the new world, they are considered to be an important collection.”

The works are described by a Sunday Times critic as influential, daring and highly formalised and that the clothes depicted “signal glamour and the high-life, not sleaze”. “The pictures in this collection were shot as high art, but their effect has been to spread this kind of eroticism throughout the culture,” the article said.

“This collection is extraordinary because it captures the moment just before we chose to make eroticism banal, an environmental itch rather than a secret delight.”

Back at the B & B, Il Convento di Costantinople, near the town of Marittima in Puglia, prospective visitors will be pleased to know that while it has no erotic photos, it is crammed with other works from the host’s vast art collection, including a substantial number of Aboriginal artworks…

 

I’m saying nothing, but I thought you might find it interesting-especially the fact that he had a phone back in 2003, unlike now....

 

And whatever you do-DO NOT RETWEET THIS (I can’t afford it).

 

 

Angus

Freudian prick: Obama’s turkey: Amphibious caravan: Herne bay hoo-ha: Serbian Vampire: and Tiger, tiger, tiger and a shepherd.

Volumous amounts of Keats, vast amounts of lack of warm, vacuous amounts of atmospheric movement and very little skywater at the Castle this morn, spent most of yesterday upgrading the old desktop computer in the study, new motherboard, CPU, memory, 320gb sata hard drive and video card.

His Maj decided he would “help out” by curling up on my chair as soon as I got up to do something.

 

In Nasty Blighty

Sigmund’s great grandson who is apparently the Minister for Welfare Reform has been letting orf a bit of steam about the benefits system.

Baron David Anthony Freud-ex Financial Times journalist, ex-‘business man’, ex-Banker and now “advisor” to the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition on “welfare reform” has allegedly said the benefits system was "dreadful" and allowed lone parents and sickness claimants to "have a lifestyle" on the state.

Poor people should be prepared to take more risks because they have the least to lose, and insisted he understood the reality of living on benefits, arguing "you don't have to be the corpse to go to a funeral"..

He added: "You know, the incapacity benefits, the lone parents, the people who are self-employed for year after year and only earn hundreds of pounds or a few thousand pounds, the people waiting for their work ability assessment then not going to it - all kinds of areas where people are able to have a lifestyle off benefits and actually off conditionality."

 

His “lordship” dismissed the possibility of taking part in a television documentary which filmed him living on benefits for a week, something a number of politicians have done in the past.

"I have thought of the issue," he said. "The trouble is it's a stunt when someone like me does it because you do it for a week. That's not the point."

 

Someone like him- Rich, over educated, arrogant, ignorant, and condescending wouldn’t last a day on benefits.

  

Left to the home of the gobble and the land of stuffing

A turkey pardoned by President Barack Obama at Thanksgiving 2011 was put down three days prior to this year's holiday, Virginia's Mount Vernon Estate said.

The estate, where pardoned turkeys are taken to live out their lives, said Peace, the understudy for 2011's turkey, Liberty, was put down Monday after suffering an illness during the weekend, The Independent reported Friday.

The newspaper said news of the bird's demise has "conspiracy theorists all aflutter" but Rebbecca Aloisi, vice president for marketing at the Mount Vernon Estate, said there was no conspiracy to have the pardoned turkey end up as part of a Thanksgiving dinner.

"I know that it was done in a humane manner but I don't know the mechanics," she said. "I appreciate where you're going with this, but I assure you that these birds are extremely well cared for."

 

Still got the touch then Barack

 

Right to the land of engineering and logic

 

 

Cometh the Sealander schwimmcaravan; an amphibious “mobile home” in which you can “Enjoy your free time, an innovative mobile home with amphibian characteristics. It offers utmost flexibility. Just hitch the SEALANDER to your car and go. Enjoy an unrestricted ride, for when you arrive ashore the journey hasn't ended, it has only just begun”,

“Thanks to the integrated waterproof chassis the SEALANDER can be let into water without need of a boat slip or trailer system. The width of the lower shell provides stability and a secure position on water. Because of the modest draught you can explore even shallow waters. The low-emission electric motor permits license free access to most inland waters. The rechargeable battery of the outboard engine also supplies electricity to the interior living area and can easily be recharged from the towing vehicle during the journey on land.”

 

Must get one for the moat; mind you it could come in handy in waterlogged Blighty.

 

Back in boo-hoo Blighty

A Kent town's Christmas display was booed by crowds when the lights were switched on.

A few hundred people gathered in Herne Bay last Friday to watch the stars of the local Sleeping Beauty panto, Gareth Gates and Toyah Wilcox, turn them on.

One person said the decorations looked like normal light bulbs, while another said he had more in his shop window.

Canterbury City Council said it was the same display as last year, but it would consult with local businesses.

Greengrocer Karen Truelove described the switch-on in the town centre as "completely flat".

"There was nothing for people to look at... within half-an-hour the town was like a ghost town."

 

No change there then...

 

East a middling amount

 

Sales of garlic are booming in western Serbia after the local council issued a public health warning that a vampire was on the loose.

The warning came after an old ruined mill, said to once have been the home of notorious vampire Sava Savanovic, collapsed.

Savanovic was said to have lived in the old watermill on the Rogacica River, at Zarozje village in the municipality of Bajina Basta where he drank the blood of anybody that came to mill their grain.

The watermill was bought by the local Jagodic family, and they were too scared to use it as a mill - but discovered it was a goldmine when they started advertising it to tourists.

But the family were worried about carrying out building work on the mill because they were scared they might disturb the vampire or unleash his wrath if his home was messed around with - and now the property has collapsed through lack of repair.

But for locals it has sparked rumours that the vampire is now free once again.

Local mayor Miodrag Vujetic admitted: "People are worried; everybody knows the legend of this vampire and the thought that he is now homeless and looking for somewhere else and possibly other victims is terrifying people. We are all frightened."

He confirmed that the local council had advised all villagers to put garlic on their doors and windows to protect them from the vampire as it was well known they can't stand the smell.

He added: "We have also reminded them to put a Holy cross in every room in the house."

 

My brain hurts.....

 

And finally:

 

Over a bit to the place where people don’t stand still

 

Three tiger cubs abandoned by their mother have found an unusual replacement - a white Swiss Shepherd dog called Tallim.

The cubs were rejected by their natural mother, a tigress called Bagira, soon after their birth in a Russian zoo on November 14.

The Oktyabrsky zoo in the Black Sea resort of Sochi immediately advertised the vacant position of a tiger mother on the internet.

Staff had been prepared for the situation because Bagira had abandoned two other newborn cubs five months previously.

They found a white Swiss Shepherd dog from Yeysk, in the Krasnodar region, to take over.

The canine is now feeding and nurturing the three cubs - two males named Olymp and Dar and one female named Talli after her adoptive mother.

Although the tiger cubs initially showed their claws and hissed, Tallim nursed them patiently and afterwards showered them with attention, nudging them playfully.

 

The zoo staff says the tiger cubs do not pose any threat to their adoptive mother.

 

I do like an optimist...

 

That’s it: I’m orf to have a look at Sinocalliopteryx

 

And today’s thought:

Freudian family

 

 

Angus

Public shock treatment: Bishettes: Dorries stuck Dahn Unda: Chinese puzzle: The Last Ninja: and a $4.2 million Crimbo “tree”.

Masses of skywater, more atmospheric movement, meagre amounts of lack of cold and a minimum of solar stuff at the Castle this morn, the butler is inserting fat, carbon neutral teenagers into the furnace on his new conveyer belt and his Maj has decided that my head is a nice warm place to sleep during the dark thing.

 

All across defibrillated Blighty

More than 1,300 emergency heart devices in public places like shopping centres may not work because of a battery fault, warns a UK health regulator.

According to The Medicines and Healthcare products Regulatory Agency says first aiders should check their Samaritan PAD 300/300P defibrillators.

The company was alerted about the fault by person who noticed a problem when they were doing a routine spot check of the equipment.

They can turn on or off when not in use, draining the battery.

No other HeartSine Technologies Ltd automated external defibrillator products are affected.

 

The following serial number ranges are affected with one or both of the identified faults:

0400000501 to 0700032917 inclusive

08A00035000 to 10A00070753 inclusive

10C00200000 to 10C00210318 inclusive

These were distributed around the UK between August 2004 and December 2010 with a warranted life of up to seven years.

 

Or not, as the case may be....let’s hope there is an AA guy selling expensive “”memberships” when your old ticker goes tits up while out buying Crimbo presents.

 

 

Last night I tried to watch Question Time

And the first fifteen minutes (one quarter) of the “programme” was wasted on a pointless ‘massderbate’ on whether we should have Bishops without dangly bits.

Allegedly only 12 percent of Blighty’s sinners attend those large, cold, empty buildings with bells on regularly; which means that 88 percent of us don’t give a cardinal’s cock who flounces about in a long red frock pursued by small boys with long white frocks.

 I am all for those who wish to believe in a “Deity” that may or may not exist, and I am 100 percent in favour of believers who want to save themselves from fire and brimstone by attending church, synagogue, mosque or any other centre of wishful thinking.

 

But, please, please don’t expose me to your faiths, hopes and lack of charity which is prevalent in the very small minority of “look at me I am holy” bum holes who seem to think that the next world is far more important than what is left of this one.

 

But one interesting fact I did discover is that the Irritable Bowel Twins (Iain Duncan Smith) is a practising Catholic; which does explain a lot about his Piss Poor Policies at the Dept of Witless Pillocks (DWP).

 

Dahn Unda

Nadger Nadine is in even more bovver with the Con party than she was before, it seems that dumbed dahn Dorries who is currently staying in a luxury five-star hotel in Australia after she became the first contestant to be voted off the ITV reality television show on Wednesday night may be contractually obliged by ITV to remain there while the game-show is on for another fortnight.

A spokesman for ITV said they would know by this morning whether Ms Dorries will stay in Australia or not for the remainder of the show.

 

Should have read the fine print; personally I would like to see the bollock chewing nearly ex-MP kept in the outback until she finally grows up and finds herself a proper job”.

 

East to the land where everything came from

Construction workers in China have built a new road around a five-storey apartment block after two residents refused to leave.

Construction workers in the country's Zhejiang province surrounded their five-storey building with asphalt, leaving motorists to navigate an unlikely obstacle.

China's People's Daily newspaper said the couple refused to leave because they were unhappy with the compensation package they were offered.

Their neighbours are understood to have moved on, although some of their apartments have been left standing.

Once complete, the highway through Xiazhangyang village, on China's eastern coast, will lead to Wenling railway station, which is served by China's super-fast bullet trains.

 

But the good news is that they will excellent access to the chuff-chuff network...

 

Over a whimsy to the land of not a jot of radiation

 

Apparently Japan's era of shoguns and samurai is over, but the country does have one, or maybe two, surviving ninjas.

Ninjas passed skills from father to son - but today's say they will be the last.

Japan's ninjas were all about mystery. Hired by noble samurai warriors to spy, sabotage and kill, their dark outfits usually covered everything but their eyes, leaving them virtually invisible in shadow - until they struck.

Ninjas were also famed swordsmen. They used their weapons not just to kill but to help them climb stone walls, to sneak into a castle or observe their enemies.

Most of their missions were secret so there are very few official documents detailing their activities. Their tools and methods were passed down for generations by word of mouth.

Using weapons such as shuriken, a sharpened star-shaped projectile, and the fukiya blowpipe, they were silent but deadly.

 

I’ve had more than a few of those but luckily I have my Deoest fart proof draws.

 

And finally:

 

Still in the place where nothing glows in the dark

A jewellery store in downtown Tokyo has a pure gold revolving "tree" covered in Disney characters such as Mickey Mouse, Tinker Bell and Cinderella.

The tree-like ornament is made of 40 kg (88 pounds) of pure gold, standing about 2.4 meters (7.9 ft) high and 1.2 meters in diameter. It is decorated with pure gold plate silhouette cut outs of 50 popular Disney characters and draped with ribbons made of gold leaf.

The price tag? A mere 350 million yen ($4.2 million).

 

 Or if things are a bit tight you could have a scaled dahn version for just $243,000, which in “proper” money is about the same as you will pay for a non-fungus infected wooden one.

  

That’s it: I’m orf to have a squeeze of a rocky exoplanet, or two.

 

And today’s thought:

Just like home

 

Angus