As Blighty follows 2011 into oblivion, it is once again time
for the much awaited list detailing the worst and the very worst of the knobhead bastards that have robbed, screwed and taken the piss out of us over the last
twelve months.
The panel (myself, his Maj and the Butler) has spent at
least two and a half minutes going through the thousands, OK hundreds, oh all
right, the couple of nominations for this coveted prize.
We have decided not to include the obvious such as members
of the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires
Club Coalition, (apart from a few exceptions) or all the other thieving, useless,
inept, arrogant MPs and the “we are all in this together” lying Pratts that
think we are as stupid as they are.
Instead the focus will.....well focus on those who have
managed to exceed even my standard of total bollix in the last 364 days.
Starting at the end:
Number ten:
Will be posted to The Royal Mail who has managed to cut back
on deliveries and collections, close more post offices than there are managers
in the NHS, bump up prices until it is cheaper to drive to the address and
shove the letter under the door and take nine days to deliver a package
posted in Guildford Surrey to the Castle dahn ‘ere in ‘Ampshire (ten miles).
Number nine:
Is transported to the bus, train and airline jonnies who have
reduced services, put up prices, couldn’t keep to a timetable if our lives
depended on it and give even less of a shit about us than that lot in Westminster.
Is awarded to all the “energy suppliers” who have managed to
bring twenty million households in Blighty to their knees with swingeing price
increases, indecipherable bills, unimaginable “plans”, and Piss Poor service
whilst blaming someone else for charging more.
Number seven:
Goes to the European Union which has managed to totally
balls up the “Eurozone” leaving more than a couple of countries so far in debt
that they will still be bankrupt in 2050, and then has the temerity to ask us to
contribute to yet another bailout fund.
Number six:
Is retailed as Tesco, who keep raking in astronomical
profits while “giving” us ‘price drops’ and still manages to increase my weekly
shopping bill by about five percent each seven days.
Number five:
Is emailed to “The electronic Media” such as Auntie BBC,
Channels three, four, five, and even higher numbers who have managed to dumb
down our viewing experience with such delights as Strictly come bleedin
dancing, Britain’s got talent, Big brother, come dine with me, I’m an arsehole get
me out of here, and East Enders which is even more depressing than real life.
Number four:
Has to be the BWankers that managed to lend billions to
people who had about as much of a chance of repaying as finding a gold bar in the
bog after a dump, and then gladly accepted hundreds of billions from us so that
they could continue to pay themselves vast bonuses while we fell into the black
hole.
Number three:
Is the first exception; Son of a
B....aronet (and alien reptile in disguise) George (my wallpaper shop is going
dahn the drain) Osborne who has managed to plunge sixty odd million inhabitants
of our once fair land into abject poverty using his tunnel vision and lack of common sense, foresight,
fiscal knowhow, and total absence of an IQ.
Number two:
Is the second exception and is given with many thanks to
U-Turn Dave and his brown nosed side kick what’s his name who have decided that
we will not have a referendum on staying in the EU, will see our standard of
existance decline to the point where Africa is offering us aid, has managed to
put more people on the dole than their predecessors, borrowed more dosh on “our
behalf” than you could shake a knob at, lied and cheated their way into power
and all the while seem to exist in an alternative universe.
Number one:
Is of course.......us, the general public who once again believed
the lying, cheating bastards that have ruined the economy, the NHS, the housing
market, the job market and screwed all and sundry without actually being
elected.
So on behalf everyone in broken, bollixed up Blighty I
gratefully accept this prestigious award on our behalf.
Angus