Bugger the EU: Spooky spots: Toasted Squirrel: Feeling blue in Juzcar: AFDB: and Weather its fashion-or not.

Warmish, wettish and wondrous-ish at the Castle this morn, not a whimsy of white crusty stuff, the study is still holding on to has-been hoo hahs, and his Maj has discovered the delights of playing chase.

Been down to Tesco to stock up on stale bread, gruel and pussy food, only one checkout out of thirty open, the place looks like Japan after a tsunami, and they have moved everything around so that they can fill up every little bit of space with Crimbo stuff.

Apparently Kim Jong Il isn’t any more, mainly because he has kicked the bucket, but at least he won’t be ronery any more....

And Microsoft is going to introduce automatic updates for IE users from January next year.

Nice...

 

Allegedly those Blighty lovers over the channel

Want us to stump up a £25,000,000,000 “contribution” to help bail out the Eurozone.

European finance ministers will aim to agree a new €200 billion (£167.7 billion) loan to the International Monetary Fund as part of a deal to save the single currency.

Three quarters of the money is expected to come from eurozone members, but Britain will also be asked to provide funds.

Figures suggest European Union officials expect British taxpayers to be the second largest contributor. Our beloved unelected Prime Monster has repeatedly promised not to provide any extra funding for the IMF for the specific purpose of saving the euro and Britain is already liable for £12 billion of loans and guarantees to Ireland, Greece and Portugal.

Under IMF rules, Britain would underwrite a portion of loans to struggling countries, but only pay out if they defaulted. Only countries that are members of the IMF and contribute to its wealth can apply for loans.

The Prime Minister has argued that no country has ever lost money by lending to the IMF.

Until now.....

 

Up in the Smoke

Among the nooks and crannies is a garage used by MI5 in the 1970s to get its cars souped-up and kitted out with surveillance equipment.

But the garage near Clapham in south London was later uncovered by the Russians, prompting the Security Service to move their specialist mechanics to ‘somewhere in west London’.

The Londonist Top 10 Spy Sites also features a warren of tunnels underneath Kingsway, near Holborn.

Originally used as air raid shelters, they were taken over by the Inter Services Research Bureau, which served as a front for the research arm of MI6 – aka Q Branch in the James Bond novels.

A more exotic stop on the trail is Polish restaurant Café Daquise in South Kensington, where Russian Cold War spy Yevgeny Ivanov and lover Christine Keeler used to meet.

Keeler was also seeing defence minister John Profumo, an affair which led to his resignation amid fears national security had been compromised.

While some of the buildings in the guide, including MI6’s headquarters at Vauxhall Cross, are already well known to the public, others such as the spy school on Borough High Street would not attract a second glance.

The Millennium Hotel in Mayfair provides a more sinister twist, as it is where ex-Russian spy Alexander Litvinenko was poisoned in 2006.

Spooky...

Dahn in ‘Ampshire

A nutty squirrel was caught red-handed nicking toast by Paul Hawks who took the snap at his home in Fordingbridge, Hampshire.

It had already poked a hole through the middle of the bread and is seen gnawing away at the top of it.

It seemed oblivious to what was going on around it and that moment of sloppiness could have led to a grilling.

It allowed Mr Hawks to grab his camera and take the incriminating shot.

The villainous vermin made off with a piece of toast that was nearly the same size as it.

It was last seen hopping along the patios with the toasty treat in hand.

Looking for some marmalade....

Right a bit and down a lot

The inhabitants of a Spanish village which was painted entirely blue for the filming of box-office smash hit The Smurfs movie voted to keep their houses a vivid shade of azure, instead of returning to traditional white.

The 221 residents of Juzcar, in southern Spain, were promised by Sony Pictures six months ago that their homes would be returned to their former dazzling white state but found The Smurfs animated movie brought them an unexpected lifeline in tough economic times.

Juzcar became the world's first official Smurf Village and, whereas 300 tourists a year would pass through, an estimated 80,000 have been to see "Smurftown" in the past six months.

The village put it to a vote and the inhabitants overwhelmingly decided - 141 in favour to 33 against - that their homes should stay painted entirely in that unique hue, Smurf blue.

 Smurfin....

The latest fashion accessory for those of a “sensitive” nature

Is the AFDB or Aluminium Foil Deflector Beanie, which can apparently shield your brain from most electromagnetic psychotronic mind control carriers.

It seems that AFDBs are inexpensive and can be constructed by anyone with at least the dexterity of an MP.

“This cheap and unobtrusive form of mind control protection offers real security to the masses. Not only do they protect against incoming signals, but they also block most forms of brain scanning and mind reading, keeping the secrets in your head truly secret. AFDBs are safe and operate automatically. All you do is make it and wear it and you're good to go! Plus, AFDBs are stylish and comfortable.”

Already have one, it didn’t work; I got struck by lightning.

And finally: Staying with the fashion thing.

The people that provide us with atmospheric forecasts

Has launched its own fashion range, complete with its famous weather symbols, it combines our national obsession with the weather and the government’s need to bring in more money:

In collaboration with an eco-clothing company, the national weather forecaster has developed a range of T-shirts emblazoned with its famous weather symbols.

Designs include their cloud symbol with a bolt of lightning signifying stormy weather, and a fashionable adaptation of the rainy weather symbol featuring a cloud with rain drops in the shape of cats and dogs.

Another design includes a cloud transformed into an ice cream cone with a lightning rod as the “flake” to “celebrate English summertime”.

The £20 T-shirts are made from organic cotton, manufactured in a wind powered factory on the Isle of Wight by the company Rapanui.

No wonder they keep getting it wrong-too busy pimping up clothes.

That’s it: I’m orf to Google a new motor.

And today’s thought:

Angus

Low Carbon con: Out but In: Bus Puss: Texas prezzies: Kitten classes: and Crimbo is orf in Wales.

Oodles of fast moving atmosphere, wet stuff and a whimsy of white fluffy stuff at the Castle this morn, the study is still replete with misbehaving machines, his Maj has decided that going out is orf the agenda and the butler is stuffing fat teenagers into the furnace faster than even U-Turn Cam can change what is laughingly called his mind. 

Apparently:

Low-carbon technology won’t cost the Earth

According to “them” the costs of wind farms and other low-carbon technology will not lead to sharp rises in fuel bills.

The Committee on Climate Change (CCC) says increases in bills over the past few years have been largely due to higher wholesale gas costs.

Members said their "best estimate" was that green policies would add £110 to bills per household in 2020.

It emerged recently that an estimated 1.5m people are in fuel debt in the UK.

The combined gas and electricity bill for typical households could go up from £1,060 in 2010 to £1,250 in 2020, according to analysis by the committee.

But further energy efficiency measures - such as loft and wall cavity insulation - could see the projected 2020 bill fall to £1,085 per household, it said.

CCC chief executive David Kennedy said the committee had analysed the impact of investing in technology including offshore and onshore wind, nuclear and carbon capture and storage.

Mr Kennedy said the cost of this investment was "significantly" outweighed by the benefits - including a reduced reliance on imported fossil fuels.

Coulda, woulda, shoulda.....

And allegedly: 

Over in the bankrupt EU

British officials are to take part in discussions on plans for a new EU fiscal pact, despite U-Turn Cam refusing to sign up to the agreement.

The Prime Monster agreed the move in a phone call with the president of the European Council, Herman von Rompuy.

The decision comes as the head of the International Monetary Fund (IMF), Christine Lagarde warned Europe's debt crisis would not be solved by Europe alone and called on all countries to work together to avoid a 1930s-style depression.

It also follows the first signs of cracks forming in the new European Union finance deal signed up by all EU countries except the UK at the Brussels summit last week with the leaders of the Czech Republic and Hungary announcing they will not sign the pact unless tax harmonisation plans are dropped.

Do I give a gorilla’s gonads? Nah...

Dahn in Dorset

Dodger the 15-year-old tom boards buses for up to 10 miles, sits on passengers’ laps and gets off without paying. Drivers even know his home bus stop.

Dodger’s servant Mrs Fee Jeanes, 44, said: “My daughter Emily told me one of her friends had seen him on the bus at Charmouth. I panicked and then the bus pulled up and he got off.

“That afternoon I saw Dodger climb on another bus and I rushed to tell the driver. She told me Dodger was always on there. Sometimes he sits in the middle of the road and waits.”

A spokesman for bus firm First said: “Given this cat is elderly we suspect it would be eligible for free travel, perhaps a bus puss.”

 

I can’t get my bus pass until March 2013...

Over the large salty thing on the left to the Lone Star State

A North Texas police department is handing out gift cards instead of tickets.

This week, the Prosper Police Department is rewarding good traffic habits.

The majority of the giving happens in schools zone. Police stop people dropping off their kids to surprise them with the $10 gift cards.

"There's such a high concentration of drivers at pick-up and drop-off times that we can safely approach those vehicles," Assistant Prosper Police Chief Gary McHone said. "Maybe they had a safe speed coming into a parking lot, their inspections were up-to-date, they were using the safety belts in the vehicles, and their child was in a safety restraint."

McHone said it's their way to live up to a well-known police motto.

"To protect and serve -- I think this is a key component in serving is to acknowledge and give thanks to our community," McHone said.

 UK plod take note.....

Dahn Unda

An Australian vet is offering one-to-one obedience classes for cats.

Nicole Hoskin claims she can train kittens to sit, stay and fetch.

One of her most challenging students so far has been a 10-week-old hearing-impaired kitten called Buzz.

The youngster needs to learn hand commands because he is unlikely to ever respond to vocal commands.

Dr Hoskin said: "He's been dumped and is going to be harder to re-home so I've had to teach him to pay attention to me.

"Already he's sitting on command and high-fiving with one paw and he can high-10 with both paws over his head."

Originally, Dr Hoskin offered a service similar to puppy obedience classes but the project failed.

"If you get more than one cat in a room, the claws come out," she said.

She says dogs learn just to please their owners, but cats will only pay attention for food rewards.

Tell me something I don’t know....

And finally:

In Welsh Wales

Thousands of children have been left heartbroken after Father Christmas was turned away from their school – for criminal checks.

The Welsh Assembly has ordered that all Santa’s be vetted by the Criminal Records Bureau.

But the demand came too late for many schools in Pembrokeshire, south Wales, which have been forced to abandon their traditional gift-giving events.

Pembrokeshire MP Stephen Crabb branded the cancellation of Christmas in schools – which often involves fathers and grandfathers – as ‘red tape gone mad’.

The Tory said: ‘Criminal record checks were never supposed to be used for volunteers that sustain and support so much of school life on an infrequent basis.

Volunteers from Fishguard and Goodwick Round Table have accompanied Santa into schools for several years but now felt their ‘hands were tied’.

Chairman Peter Devonald said: ‘Our Father Christmas is CRB checked but we all have to have CRB checks to accompany him.

But a government spokesman said: ‘It is for Pembrokeshire county council to ensure appropriate checks are made on staff and volunteers who come into contact with children.’

 Sigh....

 

That’s it: I’m orf to buy a chest wig.

And today’s thought:

Angus  

Mental MPs: M25 meander: Yoof of today?: Plastic sheep pens: Mental EU: and some more street art.

‘Tis hurling it down at the Castle this morn, the air is moving faster than the fastest thing you could think of and the liquid metal gauge is whimpering in the corner.

The trip to the dentist yestermorn took a bit longer than expected, but after some jabs, a lot of drilling and a second shower I now have a shiny new front “toof”, which was produced on the magic laser guided printer thingy while I waited.

I think I am going mental myself, I sorted this out at six of the am and then forget to publish it....

Apparently MPs need annual mental health checkups

According to Dr Ashley Weinberg heavy workloads and absence from their families may affect politicians' abilities to do their jobs.

He suggests the tests should involve whether MPs have confidence in themselves, their ability to make decisions, their emotional state and whether stress levels are affecting their sleep.

"We need to discover whether MPs are suffering from extreme stress, depression or anxiety. In any working population twenty per cent may well be."

He also says David Cameron should have a regular "behind the scenes" test of his mental well-being.

I’ll second that, but how about testing them BEFORE they become MPS...

All around the Smoke

It was a car trip around the M25 to see his baby grandson which should have taken him just 60 minutes.

But Dennis Leighton, 82, got lost along the way – and was eventually found by police 30 HOURS after setting off.

The shattered grandfather had spent two freezing nights in his vehicle and neighbours said yesterday he was being treated in hospital for hypothermia.

Widower Dennis was believed to be “confused” and was “very grateful” when he was found by officers yesterday.

A source said: “He had been driving around the south of the country, predominantly on the M25 motorway, but had also gone on to some A-roads in the area.

“We think he stopped to catch up on some much-needed sleep, in a motorway service area, before setting off again.”

He set off at 7.30pm on Monday from his home in Windsor, Berks. Ahead of him was a 53-mile journey to his daughter Hazel King’s family home in Swanley, Kent.

It was an anti-clockwise trip round the M25 – turning off at junction three – which he had done many times.

But when he failed to arrive, 40-year-old Hazel, who married husband Peter on her dad’s 70th birthday, became worried and called the police.

Dennis’s car was spotted the next day at 11.20am by a number-plate recognition camera on the M25 at Dartford, Kent.

He was only six miles away from Hazel – but he had driven too far along the M25. His silver Vauxhall Astra Estate was then not seen again for another 13 hours. Dennis was finally found at the wheel by police officers in South London at around 12.45am yesterday morning

And I thought I was a daft old fart-should have bought a satnav....

Still in busted, broke bollixed up Blighty

A British teenager has threatened to kill Santa Claus if she doesn't get what she wants.

"This Christmas, I don't ask for much, so if I don't get at least two of the things I want, I will literally kill you! Do you understand?! Oh, also, I'll hunt down your reindeers, cook them and serve their meat to homeless people on Christmas Day," Mekeeda Austin, 13, wrote in her letter, the Daily Mail reported. "No one wants that, so here's what I want."

The girl lists a BlackBerry, money, a dress, high-top Converse shoes and the real Justin Bieber.

"Remember, two of these or you die," she wrote, signing it, "Love from Keedy."

Her mother found the letter and said she thought the letter was humorous, and she'll try to get her daughter everything she wants.

"I know it sounds like she is spoiled but I like to get my daughter what she wants, also you don't want to get on the wrong side of her," Tracey Soares told the newspaper, although she admitted getting the Canadian pop singer might be difficult because Bieber "will be busy with (his) own (family) on Christmas Day

Austin told the reporter she didn't see any problem with the letter.

"I want all of these things and I don't see why I shouldn't get them," she said.

I know what I would give her....

Dahn to the bottom of our wet and windy land

Six green plastic sheep on a West Sussex roundabout have been put behind bright yellow safety barriers to stop drivers thinking they are real.

The fake flock was installed at the junction on the A283 in Shoreham to promote the South Downs National Park, reports the BBC.

A West Sussex County Council spokeswoman said: "The sheep are bright green so they are not mistaken for the real thing.

"However, because some motorists have expressed concerns that the sheep are real, temporary roadwork barriers were placed around them two weeks ago."

The promotion was part of a scheme in which companies and organisations could sponsor a roundabout by paying for maintenance and improvements.

"For larger roundabouts, such as A283 Shoreham, we expect a feature such as a sculpture or enhanced planting to be provided," added the spokeswoman.

"We are discussing a long-term solution with the sponsor."

Bloody baa-rmy Elfandsafety  Jobsworths...

 And talking of barmy

According to the EU prunes do not have a laxative effect and producers cannot say that they do.

It comes after the organisation was mocked last month a ruling that led to a ban on claims that drinking water can prevent dehydration.

Despite a long held belief that prunes, traditionally served with custard, are good for improving bowel function, the European Food Safety Authority (EFSA) has ruled this is not the case.

Its experts said there was "insufficient" evidence of a link between the dried plums and normal bowel function after looking at three studies of prune consumption.

Last February, an EFSA paper reported: "The Panel concludes that the evidence provided is insufficient to establish a cause and effect relationship between the consumption of dried plums of 'prune' cultivars (Prunus domestica L.) And maintenance of normal bowel function.

The authority had been asked to investigate claims that prunes ensure healthy digestion and bowel function.

In two studies, it was claimed there was no significant difference to participants after eating prunes.

Feed the Pratts on prunes for a week or so and then wait for the conclusion....

And finally:

Some nice art to cheer up your day.

That’s it: I’m orf to keep an eye on a black hole

And today’s thought:

Angus

Back to the gravy train: In or In?: Accidental outlaw: The Falcon and the Black widow: Flying cars: and Dundee they ain’t.

Massive amounts of wind and wet stuff at the Castle this morn-and the weather isn’t much better, did the Crimbo shopping yestermorn-one Crimbo dinner in a box, six mince pies and some custard, and I posted all the Crimbo cards-sorted.

There are still plenty of piss poor number crunchers in the study and his Maj thinks he is invisible.

Apparently “hard up” MPs want to return to the “good old days”

A parliamentary committee is demanding changes to the way MPs' expenses are handled, saying the current independent method was "untenable".

According to the slimy, lying, money grabbing useless gits:

"We believe the status quo is untenable, for the following reasons: the administration of the system does not provide value for money; MPs are being hindered in carrying out their parliamentary duties and deterred from making legitimate claims, to the detriment of their constituents and the democratic process."

Instead they want to go back to the former system of paper receipts which operated at the time of the expenses scandal, with Ipsa official inputting the details into computer systems rather than MPs and their staff doing it.

I like the status quo, even if they can only play two chords....

And U-Turn Cam has decided that we will not get a referendum on our membership of the EU

He ruled out a referendum on British membership of the EU and said that membership brought significant economic and diplomatic benefits. “Britain remains a full member of the European Union,” the Prime Monster told the Commons. “The events of the last week do nothing to change that.”

He said membership was “vital to our national interest”, and the single market helped secure trade, investment and jobs.

Nice one knobhead; trade, investment and jobs are really getting better, and your “decision” made sure that there will be no referendum.

Apparently;

New research suggests many Brits may be breaking the law online

Potential crimes can include defamation in a Tweet or Facebook status, such as accusing someone of something they didn’t do or ruining their reputation without evidence.

Downloading music and movies illegally is another common pitfall while even simply changing the status on Facebook of a friend or family member without their permission is against the law.

The top five areas of concern found by the research were:

1) Uploading copyrighted content such as photos or song lyrics to a personal website or social network with just a 33% average pass rate.
2) Using copyrighted material on blogs (35%)
3) Discussing or publishing details of a super injunction (38%)
4) Defamation of other people through social media (42%)
5) Uploading and downloading of music illegally (44%)

Naughty, naughty.....

In austerity ridden second class Blighty

Mechanics stripping down a classic car imported from America were startled to find two deadly black widow spiders nesting inside.

One was discovered under the fuel tank while the other was lurking behind the dashboard of the 1964 Ford Falcon.

The car was imported into the UK to Damax, a motorsport company in Bicester, Oxfordshire, last January, but work only started on it last week.

Manager Robin Ward said after they found the first spider they put it in a plastic container before identifying it on the internet.

He admitted: “I had quite a shock when we first suspected it could be a black widow. We continued stripping the car with a great deal of caution, and couldn’t believe it when we found a second spider under the dashboard.” He added: “We would have never found either of the spiders had we not completely stripped the car but we’re certain there are no more.”

 

Yeah right....

 

Right a smidge to the land of Latvians

 Latvian airline airBaltic announced Monday it was branching out into another business, claiming to be the world's first carrier to sell cars during its flights.

From Friday, passengers on all airBaltic flights will be able to buy a Mini Cooper R56 -- provided they have a spare 24,699 Euros ($33,048).

They will be asked to make a 50 euro ($67) down payment while in the air and complete the purchase once they land.

They should be done under the trades description act-it isn’t a Mini Cooper, it’s a bleedin BMW box.

 

And finally:

Dahn Unda

Two fishermen in far northern Australia are lucky to be alive after a crocodile tried to eat them for dinner.

The 10-foot (three-metre) saltwater croc lunged at the men but could not get at them because spindly mangroves were in the way at the creek on the outskirts of Darwin.

The men clambered up small trees to escape. But one of them slipped and plunged into the water.

Senior Sergeant Greg Pusterla said the angler got out of the creek and back up the tree in record time. One of the men had a cell phone and called police.

Officers raced to the scene and saw the croc lurking nearby. They rang Parks and Wildlife rangers who shot the animal because it was aggressive.

Of course it was aggressive it was a Croc-Darwin Numptys...

That’s it: I’m orf to check out Dan Dare.

And today’s thought:

Angus

In or out: “L” of a motorway: Leaking Ark: Where’s the money: Grand sandwiches-70 of them: and Plastic manhole covers.

Not quite as cold as the coldest thing you can think of at the Castle this morn, the butler is inserting fat teenagers into the furnace at a rate of knots, his Maj is tearing around like a lunatic and I broke a tooth last eve while eating an apple-so much for “healthy eating”.

 

As I am sure you all know by now

U-Turn Cam has refused to join an EU financial crisis accord after pointless negotiations in Brussels.

Britain and Hungary look set to stay outside the accord, with Sweden and the Czech Republic having to consult their parliaments on it.

A full accord of all 27 EU members "wasn't possible, given the position of our British friends," President Sarkozy said.

Mr Sarkozy said the eurozone countries would sign an intergovernmental accord aimed at stabilising the currency in the face of the debt crisis, plus any other EU members that wanted to join.

He could have told them “Non” by text, now all we need is a referendum....

The Dept of Transport

Is allegedly going to let learner drivers on motorways from next year, the intention is to end the situation in which young drivers can be confronted with traffic driving at speeds of 70 mph or above without any preparation.

Under the plans announced by Mr Penning, it will be possible for learner drivers to undergo some training on a motorway but only if accompanied by a qualified driving instructor.

One of the snags is that the change will not be made compulsory because of the difficulties learner drivers in remote areas of the country would face in finding a motorway within a reasonable distance of where they lived.

Since taking office Mr Penning has stopped driving test centres publicising the routes which will be used during the examination.

He has also banned the publishing of answers to the theory test to prevent candidates learning by rote.

In a further change Mr Penning plans to ban trainee driving instructors giving lessons unless they themselves are supervised by a fully qualified colleague.

Ever seen a “young driver” going down a dual carriageway.... 

Over to the big bit under what is left of Europe

A leaky church roof could be about to give the world the chance to glimpse the legendary Ark of the Covenant.

No one has been allowed to see the holy object, described in scripture as being made from acacia wood, plated with gold and topped with two golden angels, except one solitary elderly monk, who must watch over the Ark for the remainder of his life, and is never allowed to leave the chapel grounds.

But now the chapel – which was designed by the Ethiopian leader Emperor Hailie Selassie – has had to be covered in a tarpaulin to stop rain getting in.The water damage could mean the Ark will be moved for the first time in decades giving religious worshippers and adventurers alike a chance to see it.

 Doesn’t work very well do it.......?

 Left more than a lot

The head of bankrupt US brokerage firm MF Global, Jon Corzine, has told a congressional committee that he has no idea where its clients' money has gone.

An estimated $1.2bn (£760m) in customer cash is missing from accounts.

The company filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy on 31 October after making a $6.3bn bet on European sovereign debt.

In written testimony read out to the committee Mr Corzine apologises to "all those affected" by the businesses failure.

"I simply do not know where the money is, or why the accounts have not been reconciled to date," he added.

Ah, the old “it wasn’t me guv” defence.

Back in second tier Blighty

Lothian and Borders Police invited tenders for a £70,000 contract to provide sandwiches for the force, giving details of the length and flavours they were willing to accept.

The police force managed to stretch the description to 45 pages in a 10,000-word tendering document for catering firms supplying snacks to beat officers.

The force, which has up to £70,000 to spend on just 7,500 packed lunches per year, specifies that officers will require a baguette measuring 11 inches long, and containing one of 17 different fillings set out in a separate spreadsheet, which include brie and cranberry, smoked salmon and cream cheese and prawn mayonnaise.

It adds that 75 per cent of the baguettes must be made from white bread and 25 per cent from brown, and filled to “the standard size and weight stipulated by the British Sandwich Association”.

Crisps must be Walker’s, Mackie’s or “equivalent” and each packet must contain “no less than 34.5 grammes of product within the bag”.

As for the water bottles, they must contain “no less than 500ml of still or carbonated spring water” which must be “supplied from Scottish wells and springs and have been bottled in Scotland”.

Other sections of the document cover health and safety rules, requirements for environmentally-friendly packaging, compliance with anti-discrimination and anti-bribery laws, as well as a host of financial and legal clauses.

On Tuesday The Daily Telegraph reported that officers had complained “in vast numbers” about the choice of sandwich fillings in the snacks they were given, and in particular moaning that tuna, chicken and egg had a limited shelf life and exposed them to the risk of food poisoning.

Make your own bloody sandwiches then and save us seventy grand.

And finally:

Dahn in Zomerzet

A cunning plan has been devised to stop the drain on resources caused by metal thieves; North Somerset Council is trialling the use of the new plastic, anti-skid covers in Nailsea after scores of metal ones were stolen earlier this year.

A total of 19 manhole and drain covers, made out of wrought iron and costing around £4,000, were stolen from across North Somerset in just 48 hours in March.

The new plastic covers cost in the region of £400 each and last for around 15 years compared to the metal ones which cost around £110 but need replacing every five years.

Three and bit times the times the price for three times the life?

Anyway isn’t an anti skid manhole cover also known as a butt plug?

That’s it: I’m orf to plumb the depths of the moat.

And today’s thought:

Angus

Non à referendum: Rubbish “art”: Flesh eating bananas: Dead end motor: Marshmallow moron: and how to solve the Euro crisis.

Bloody cold and damp at the Castle this morn, and apparently the Met Office has decided that “winter” is on the way, as we are in December I am not surprised.

My first day as a benefit scrounger was “interesting”, I spent a while filling out forms and talking to an “advisor” who seemed to be about 12 years old and was more interested in how much his pension would be in fifty years time than my lack of employment.

Then I wasted a bit more of my free time checking out the “jobs” on the government computers, it seems that if I want to be a carer, cleaner or a call centre chappie at minimum wage then all is well.

Or not.....

Up in the Smoke to the house with no front door lock

It seems that U-Turn Cam is physic, even before the changes are made to the Euro treaty we have been told by the Prime Monster's spokesperson that a "significant transfer of power from the UK to the EU" was not being discussed in this week's talks on how to resolve the eurozone crisis, so a referendum was not required.

Allegedly Downing Street made clear that the adjustments currently being discussed did not constitute a major shift.

"That's not what's set out in the Act," U-Turn’s spokesperson added.

"The position is set out very clearly. What the Act says is where there is a transfer of powers from London to Brussels, that should trigger a referendum... we have a coalition government and we have a government policy."

Har bloody har...

Up North a bit

Martin Boyce, the artist who transforms gallery spaces into modernist urban landscapes, has won the 2011 Turner Prize.

The ceremony was held at the Baltic Centre for Contemporary Art in Gateshead, where photographer Mario Testino presented the award.

Boyce's installation on display there for the Turner Prize exhibition, Do Words Have Voices, recreates an autumnal park scene with geometric leaves suspended from the ceiling and a stylised rubbish bin in the corner. His attention to detail was so great that he even redesigned the room's ventilation grills to complement his installation.

The judges praised Boyce's "pioneering contribution to the current interest which contemporary artists have in historic modernism". They said his work "uses his knowledge of historic design to create distinctive sculptural installations while opening up a new sense of poetry".

My brain hurts.....

Over to the lack of light continent

Rumours of flesh-eating bananas in Mozambique have sparked a plummet in the sale of the fruit, prompting the health minister Friday to reassure people of its safety.

"From the work conducted by the Ministries of Agriculture, Health and Trade and Industry, it was concluded that there is no record of entry of any infected banana in the country," according to a joint statement.

An email and text message hoax warning people against eating bananas for the next three weeks went viral as people feared being infected by necrotising fasciitis, or skin-eating disease.

In a separate statement South Africa's agriculture ministry denounced the messages as a hoax. It strongly advised against burning the skin around the supposed infection, as suggested in the message.

No worries-can’t afford bananas.

Left to the land of gas guzzlers and the home of the used car salesman

In a lawsuit filed in Oakland County Circuit Court, Margarita Salais of New Baltimore alleges the second hand car dealership's staff sold her a 2006 Ford Expedition last March without telling her it once held a dead body, The Detroit News reported Monday.

"They bought the car while it was still cold out in March," her attorney, Dani Liblang, told the News. "The warmer it got, the worse the smell got."

Salais said when she brought the car back to the dealership someone told her the smell came from a dead animal. She said she filed a claim with her insurance company, whose investigators determined odour was of human origin.

The insurance company later learned the car had been stolen three times, something Salais said the dealer also failed to tell her.

Her efforts to return the car were fruitless and she now seeks $25,000 plus court fees.

Probably be OK after a valet....

Still in the non colonies

A central New York man faces prison time after admitting he threw flaming marshmallows at his neighbour’s house.

The Auburn Citizen reports that 18-year-old John Munger pleaded guilty Thursday in Cayuga County Court to third-degree felony arson.

He admitted tossing the blazing balls of sugar at a gas meter on the side of his neighbour’s house. Although the meter wasn't seriously damaged, Munger admitted that it could have been.

He noted that he was drunk at the time.

No shit...

And finally:

East to the place where one for all and all for one no longer applies

The European Central Bank has launched an iPad and iPhone game that allows the public to see how they would cope with an economic crisis.

The Bank, now battling to save the euro, has produced a computer game in which players set interest rates to keep inflation low and growth steady.

Economia, where the first E is the euro symbol, is promoted with the line: "Will you be a hawk or a dove? Have you got what it takes to be among central banking's best?"

It is unclear how much the game cost to develop, reports the Daily Telegraph.

But sales of the game will not raise the billions needed to bail out bankrupt states - it is being given away free.

That gives me confidence....

That’s it: I’m orf to check out a couple of “supermassive” black holes and I’m not talking about the economy and the place where the deputy prime monster’s nose resides.

And today’s thought:

Angus