CHunt is at it again: Up your infrastructure: Tesco are horsing around: Crap commuter: Blue Hole bay: Boeing-Boeing gone: Scarcely fit for her job: and Half a Milky Way.

Cold enough to freeze the nuts orf a frozen squirrel at the Castle this morn, more than touch of scrapey-scrapey stuff, not a glimmer of solar stuff and nary a whimsy of atmospheric movement, the butler has had to install a second conveyor belt for the furnace and fat, carbon neutral teenagers are becoming hard to come by because of the lack of warm.

I spent an hour or three yestermorn trying to sort out fucking Bloggers’ lack of progress on the IE/ blogger lack of picture insertion, downgraded IE from 9 to 8 ‘repaired’ IE, did a diagnostic on Office, threw some chicken bones on the altar, danced around the laptop anticlockwise all to no avail, so I will have to continue to waste what is left of my life using HMTL editing.

 

The ‘Elf Secretary Jeremy CHunt 

Has decided that Millions of confidential medical histories will be shared between hospitals and GPs despite fears that patients’ privacy could be breached.

Allegedly thousands of staff working in council social services departments, private health firms, and nursing homes are also expected to have access to the health records of patients on their books.

Apparently knob head CHunt is going to set a 12-month deadline for all hospitals to computerise their patients’ records, ready for details to be shared with clinics and GPs across England.

By 2018, all records and communications inside the NHS will be “paperless” in a reform that Mr CHunt said could save more than £4 billion and “thousands of lives”.  

Oh Har-Fucking-Har, “they” can’t even mange to deliver water to patients let alone get the right set of details on a piss poor computer system.

 

All across botched up Blighty

 

Consumers will have to pay for new plans for new roads, rail lines and power stations through higher bills, as well as the taxes, the public spending watchdog says.

A report from the National Audit Office said that ministers had not thought through the possibility that the huge investment would have to be paid for by consumers.

It said that “there is the possibility of a failure to take into account the cumulative impact on consumers of funding those infrastructure projects where the costs are recovered by charging users.

The NAO criticised the Government for failing to carry out an “overall assessment” on the “full impact of spending on economic infrastructure in the years ahead”.

Alien reptile in disguise George (I can afford it-you can’t) Osborne unveiled plans at the autumn statement last month to spend £310billion over the next two years and beyond on new infrastructure projects such as energy, rail, road, water and flood defence schemes.

Two thirds of this investment likely to be funded by private companies “the burden of funding [is] likely to shift towards the public as consumers rather than taxpayers”.

It warned that train users could have to cover the cost through higher fares, while vehicle and road tax could go up to pay for new roads. Of the £310billion, more than half - £176billion is being spent on energy projects, with £123billion due to go on electricity schemes.

Apparently the Treasury’s proposal to issue guarantees to encourage new finance will need careful monitoring to ensure the taxpayer does not get hit with extra expense.”

 

No shit; here’s an idea why don’t we live within our means and only build what we can afford to keep all this “infrastructure” in the public domain...

 

At my favourite retailer 

 

It seems that we should say “neigh” to their dobbin burgers, investigations are under way to try to find out how beef burgers on sale in UK and Irish Republic supermarkets became contaminated with horsemeat.

Irish food safety officials, who carried out tests two months ago, said the products had been stocked by a number of chains, including Tesco and Iceland stores in the UK.

They said there was no human health risk and the burgers had been removed.

Tesco said it was "working... to ensure it does not happen again".

The Food Safety Authority of Ireland (FSAI) said the meat had come from two processing plants in the Irish Republic - Liffey Meats and Silvercrest Foods - and the Dalepak Hambleton plant in Yorkshire.

The burgers had been on sale in Tesco and Iceland in the UK and the Republic of Ireland, where they were also on sale in Dunnes Stores, Lidl and Aldi.

A total of 27 burger products were analysed, with 10 of them containing traces of horse DNA and 23 containing pig DNA.

Horsemeat accounted for approximately 29% of the meat content in one sample from Tesco, which had two frozen beef burger products sold in both the UK and Ireland contaminated with horse DNA.

In addition, 31 beef meal products, including cottage pie, beef curry pie and lasagne, were analysed, of which 21 tested positive for pig DNA.

 

Now I know why I have had this urge to eat grass and piss in the garden...

 

Left to the Big Apple

 

A 31-year old Bronx man fell to his death while having a crap between subway cars on a moving number 6 train, cops said. 

The man fell onto the tracks and was run over by the northbound train as it was leaving 125th Street station shortly after 4 pm, police said. 

Around the same time on the opposite platform, a bloody and extremely battered man crawled up from the tracks — just as the northbound 5 train was pulling in — with a broken pelvis, severe buttocks injuries and cuts.

The man — who sources said was Manuce Dulcio, 50 — might have been hit by the train, cops said.

It’s unclear why he was on the tracks.

Dulcio was “very intoxicated,” a police source said.

Officials had initially said that the men had been involved in a fight. But they now believe the bizarre incidents were totally unrelated.

Riders were stuck on the 5 train for 45 minutes after the incident.

“They told us the brakes weren’t working, but we all knew it was something else,” said Angel Torres, 17.


Maybe the brakes weren’t working because they were covered in shit....

Dahn a fairway to the Bahamas 

 

Fancy a nice weekend getaway? Blue Hole Bay, a 180-acre Bahamanian property is up for sale listed for $24 million, apparently in this "remotest part of the Bahamas," as Bob Simon of "60 Minutes" described it in a segment Sunday night, "you'll have trouble finding it on any tourist map today."

He continued: "The jet set doesn't come here, because jet planes don't fly here from America or Europe. There are hardly any hotels, no golf courses and no frozen margaritas."

But what you do get is 663-foot-deep Dean's Blue Hole, the deepest saltwater hole in the world and therefore the world's "Mecca of free diving," to test out their ambitious, body-contorting breathing exercises: a diver on last night's show descended to a record-breaking 410 feet using only one fin.

 

And less than one brain cell……

 

East to the land where nothing ever happened to nuclear stuff

 

A Boeing 787 Dreamliner headed for Tokyo made an emergency landing Wednesday morning in Takamatsu, Japan after error messages indicated there was a problem with the plane's batteries and smoke in the plane.

An "unusual smell" was detected inside the cockpit and the passenger cabin, according to a news conference held by All Nippon Airlines, whose plane was grounded. Fire trucks were deployed after the plane landed, but there was no fire to put out.

This adds to a slew of recent problems with Boeing's new Dreamliner aircraft. Another 787 -- the world's first mainly carbon-composite airliner -- had two fuel leaks, a battery fire, a wiring problem, brake computer glitch and cracked cockpit window last week.

The two Japanese airlines -- ANA and Japan Airlines -- said they would ground the 21 Boeing 787 jets currently being flown for further safety checks.

Both Japan and the United States have opened broad and open-ended investigations into the plane after a series of incidents that have raised safety concerns.

ANA said instruments on the early Wednesday domestic flight indicated a battery error. All passengers and crew evacuated safely by using the plane's inflatable slides, ANA said.

 

Still at least the emergency chutes work....

 

Back to the home of lawyers and the land of compo 

Photo: Community Press, Heidi Fallon

A former high school teacher has sued the school district where she used to work, saying administrators discriminated against her because she has a fear of young children.

Maria Waltherr-Willard, 61, had been teaching Spanish and French at Mariemont High School in Cincinnati since 1976.

The retired educator, who does not have children of her own, said that when she was transferred to the district's middle school in 2009, the seventh and eighth-graders triggered her phobia.

The fear caused her blood pressure to soar, forcing her to retire in the middle of the 2010 school year, she claims.

In her lawsuit, Ms Waltherr-Willard said that her fear of young children falls under the federal American with Disabilities Act and that the district violated it by transferring her in the first place and then refusing to allow her to return to the high school.

The lawsuit seeks unspecified damages.

Gary Winters, the school district's attorney, said that Ms Waltherr-Willard was transferred because the French programme at the high school was being turned into an online one and that the middle school needed a Spanish teacher.

"She wants money," Mr Winters said of Ms Walter-Willard's motivation to sue. "Let's keep in mind that our goal here is to provide the best teachers for students and the best academic experience for students, which certainly wasn't accomplished by her walking out on them in the middle of the year."

 

You think?
 

 And finally: 

In a galaxy where we live 

A meeting of the American Astronomical Society was held in California to expose the unexpected results of the work to determine the mass of the Milky Way Galaxy. According to scientists, the mass of our galaxy is twice as less as was previously assumed.

Determining the weight of an entire galaxy is apparently quite difficult. It consists not only of the weight of all stars in the galaxy, but also of the weight of the invisible dark matter, which provides most of the mass.

As a rule, in the calculations, researchers proceed from the speed of rotation of galaxies at a distance of about 45,000 light years from the centre. Afterwards, they compare the results with theoretical concepts about the location of the dark matter.

The scientists, having made the public statement on the new weight of our galaxy, added that the new data did not claim to be definitive. The reason is simple. To date, all calculations are approximate, containing a number of assumptions.

 

Still, they do say that a milky way is light and fluffy...

 

That’s it: I’m orf to sweep the chimney-just in case

 

And today’s thought:

NHS computer system

 

 

Angus

Dumbing dahn: Boomers “costing” the NHS: Big Tablet: Don’t piss orf Icelandair: and her Maj wants a dishwasher.

A middling amount of lack of warm, a massive amount of lack of solar stuff, meandering amounts of atmospheric movement and missing amounts of skywater at the Castle this morn.

I have taken advice from those who visit this piss poor blog and am using Google “Chrome” to post this, don’t really like it because it doesn’t have all the bells and whistles I am used to on IE but needs must.

Bloggers “advice”:

The photo upload icon is not appearing for some users on Internet Explorer. We're investigating the issue and will update this post as soon as we have more information.

In the meantime, you can workaround this issue by using a different browser (such as Chrome or Firefox) or temporarily switching to the Edit HTML mode of the compose editor.

Thanks for that.

Just a comment on the “Ronseal” clones-You do get what it says on the tin; a pair of rich, useless, overeducated, inexperienced mind numbingly arrogant twats.

According to “experts”

The male of the species is getting dumber, Dr Gerald Crabtree, a biologist from Stanford University in the US, thinks that human intelligence peaked at the time of hunter-gatherers and has since declined. He says “genetic mutations” have slowly eroded the human brain’s intellectual and emotional abilities.

According to Dr Crabtree, whose hypothesis has just been published in the journal Trends in Genetics, our ancestors had to think more critically and creatively to survive. When the right decision could mean the difference between life and death, they always had to be at the top of their intellectual game.

With the advent of industrialisation and our mastery of the natural world, that need became less apparent. As a result, natural selection has been weakened and the door opened to genetic mutations that leave us just a little bit dumber.

Dr Crabtree’s hypothesis suggests that all humans are getting dumber. But other research finds that really, it’s mainly just men.

For 100 years men outperformed women in IQ tests, right up until the latest figures were released this July. They showed that women had caught up with men and in many countries had taken a slight lead.

One possible explanation is that women’s lives have become more demanding as they juggle raising a family and doing a job. Another is that women may have a slightly higher potential intelligence than men but have only been able to fully realise it in the last few years.

The research, by renowned IQ expert James Flynn, does offer one crumb of comfort for men. It contradicts Dr Crabtree’s assertion that people are becoming progressively dumber.

“In the last 100 years the IQ scores of both men and women have risen but women’s have risen faster,’ said Flynn. “This is a consequence of modernity. The complexity of the modern world is making our brains adapt and raising our IQ.”

We are fucked guys......

And according to Tory MP Dr Phillip Lee

The NHS can't go on being free if selfish baby boomers consult GPs for the slightest aches and pains and
bother the doctor with minor complaints when their grandparents would have grinned and borne it, and have unrealistic expectations of what the health service can provide.

And his solution is that we are going to have to start paying for some medical services at the point of delivery.

And according to Andrew M Brown who edits The Sunday Telegraph's Comment pages and also writes about mental health and the influence of addiction on culture.

We should applaud Dr Lee’s courage in stating politically unpalatable truths, and his common sense. (He is refreshingly honest, for instance, about how difficult a job dispensing prescriptions is: “It’s like counting Smarties.”) We need to accept reality rather than hand over even more problems to the next generation: if we want to continue to enjoy the sort of health service where GPs are on hand to fuss sympathetically over every twinge, and dish out expensive medicines in vast quantities as well, it is going to cost us more money. Either that, or we will have to learn to be as tough and lacking in self-pity as the wartime generation, and that’s unlikely to happen.

And according to Angus Dei-fuck orf you Twats, we pay our “national insurance” and are entitled to treatment whether you like it or not, if you don’t like being a doctor then go and get a job that you enjoy, and if you want to pay for medical treatment join BUPA.....

Lenovo has got a big one

Lenovo's new PCs have screens the size of eight iPads and can respond to ten fingers touching them at the same time.

The IdeaCentre Horizon Table PC is allegedly the first "interpersonal computer" - as opposed to a "personal computer".

At first glance, it looks like a regular all-in-one machine in the vein of the iMac: it is a 27-inch screen with the innards of a Windows 8 computer built into it and it can stand up on a table.

But you can pick it up off the table, unhook the power cord and lay it flat for games of Monopoly.

It is big enough to fit four people around it and the screen can respond to 10 fingers touching it at the same time.

As a tablet, it is a monstrosity. The screen is the size of eight iPads stitched together and it weighs 15lbs. It is almost as homebound as a flat-panel TV.

The Table PC will include plastic "strikers" for Air Hockey, and joysticks that attach to the screen for other games, including multi-player shooter Raiding Company.

Lenovo, a Chinese company that owns IBM's former PC business, said the Table PC would go on sale this summer starting at £1,060.

Spiffing, I’d like to see the case and keyboard for that.....

High above the big salty thing on the left

A passenger who became unruly after allegedly drinking too much alcohol had to be taped to his seat on a trans-Atlantic flight, witnesses and authorities said.

A photo of the subdued man ended up on a blog run by New York businessman Andy Ellwood, who said he received the picture from an acquaintance who witnessed the incident.

“My friend was on the flight and he sent me the photo because we like to trade travel war stories,” Ellwood told NBC News.

His friend did not want to be identified or talk with the media, Ellwood said, but he recounted the story to him in detail.

The passenger “drank all of his duty free liquor on the flight from Iceland to JFK yesterday,” Ellwood wrote in his blog post.

“When he became unruly, (i.e. trying to choke the woman next to him and screaming the plane was going to crash), fellow passengers subdued him and tie (d) him up for the rest of the flight. He was escorted off the flight by police when it landed.”

Icelandair did not immediately respond to a request for comment, but a spokesman for the airline confirmed the incident to Icelandic media, adding that plastic ties and tape are standard on board flights to help in such situations. 

Aerobatics?

And finally:

Her Maj is looking

For a dishwasher prepared to travel from palace to palace to accompany the Royal Family around Britain.

The travel to royal residences – including the Palace of Holyroodhouse in Edinburgh and Balmoral on ­Deeside – is a “mandatory requirement” for the £14,200-a- year-job. The general catering assistant (wash up) – as it has been formally described – will mainly work in the staff restaurant of the Royal Household but also wash other ­royal dishes too.

“You must be willing to work away from London for up to three months of the year,” says the job advert on the royal website. “You will join the team responsible for maintaining the cleanliness of the staff restaurant, wash-up areas and equipment in accordance with the health and hygiene regulations to ensure the smooth operation of the staff restaurant.”

Although based at Buckingham Palace, the successful ­applicant must “be happy to travel and work at other royal residences in the UK and at weekends”.

The 40-hours-a-week job is an official position paid for from the Civil List. Experience of a similar job is “desirable”. The closing date for ­applications is 15 January.

Be cheaper to buy old Liz a pair of marigolds....

That’s it: I’m orf to give a Sony a bath

And today’s thought:

Message to Dave and what’s his name.

Angus 

Care-less NHS: Redheads, Journalists, Mothers, Bankers and Germans: Transport tossers: The Nerd Calendar: Ex Nazi only takes cash: and Brown runny stuff.

Not quite as much lack of warm bit more atmospheric movement, nary a drop of skywater and sod all solar stuff at the Castle this morn, the butler is happily feeding fat, carbon neutral teenagers onto the furnace conveyer belt and his Maj has discovered the joy of ambush from under the cover on the garden table and chairs.

Blogger still won't let me post pictures unless I edit in HMTL, which takes ages and is a real pain in the rear exit (just like Blogger), I know because I have just spent an hour or so editing this post.

And it keeps freezing up and crashing due to some "long running script"


Anyway here is Fridays load of old bollocks...

 

Apparently U-Turn Cam

 

Has finally admitted that piss poor “treatment” in our ‘Orspitals is killing and maiming the not so well.

The Prime Monster reckons that there is still a "long way to go" to raise standards of care in the NHS in England, and that he wanted to make improving care one of his top priorities for 2012 plus one.

But he insisted progress was being made, pointing to initiatives that were being rolled out.

He highlighted a new "friends and family" test starting in April and the extra ward rounds being put in place.

The "friends and family" test, which has already been announced, involves all hospital patients being asked whether they would recommend the place they were treated in.

Mr Cameron described it as a "flashing light" to alert hospitals if fewer people started replying positively to the test.

 
Which is total bollocks of course because when you are lying there in a piss soaked bed with tubes in most orifices you are not going to tell the “medics” that are “treating” you how badly they are doing as they stand there holding an eight foot tube ready to shove it up your rear exit.

Try again Dave....

 

All across backed up Blighty
 

Every weekend in January, one of these five groups will receive 10pc off full-price bottles at Oddbins.

According to the company blog  "The 'cap' on maternity and paternity pay is just an innovative use of a three letter word beginning with 'c' which sounds different but still means 'cut'," the group writes. "With inflation almost tripling the capped figure, the net result is that mums and their families will be even worse off in 2013.

"On top of which, on Monday the government will be removing or reducing child benefit for approximately 15pc of families... Why can’t our politicians provide a childcare system that doesn’t strong-arm a hugely important part of the county’s workforce into making a choice between their career and children?"

From January 11 until January 13 it's the turn of bankers and journalists. Urging the public to focus on the "good things that banks do", Oddbins bemoans the fact that the word "banker" has "become a derogatory term used to refer to only a select group of rogue investment bankers".

The following weekend (January 18-20) Angela Merkel could grab a bargain. On top of praising the German Chancellor for steering her country through the financial crisis and striving to bring fellow eurozone countries back into line, Oddbins also says it's time the UK moved on from the Second World War.

Lastly, Oddbins is aiming to break "the final taboo" and embrace redheads. "We love your hair and think 2013 should be the year we all put this nonsense behind us," the company states.

 

No wonder it is called “Odd Bins”; just what we need- a bunch of German, red headed, journalistic, banker mothers staggering about pissed as farts...

 

Transport across the world

Has its fair share of Pillocks.

Thank him/her upstairs for the AA.

 

East a bit to the land of red headed banker mothers

A calendar for nerds who find old computers a turn on has been created by technology fans in Germany.

The Nerd Calendar features ancient technology being fondled by models dressed as gorgeous geeks.

One blonde is seen lovingly caressing the joystick of a classic Atari games computer during the photo session in Frankfurt.

Other models get to grips with 1970s and 80s computers like the original Apple Macs, Commodores, and the Sinclair ZX81.

Classic computer fan Jan Kaufmann - who dreamed up the calendar - explained: "I just wanted to make the kind of calendar I'd always dreamed about when I was a boy."

 

Get a fucking life Herr twat....

 

East a bit more to a state within a country

 

Visitors to the home of the Ex-Nazi El Papa can only pay by cash after card payments for museum tickets, souvenirs and other services were blocked by Italy's central bank over money laundering fears.

The tiny city-state can no longer use electronic payments because the Holy See has not complied with European Union safeguards against money laundering.

As a result, Deutsche Bank Italia, which has provided the Vatican with the electronic payment services for 15 years, had its authorisation halted on December 31.

Highlights of the Vatican Museums include the Sistine Chapel

The Vatican says it is working to rectify the situation affecting thousands of tourists that flock to the Vatican Museums, which include highlights like the Sistine Chapel.

The museums, and tours of the Vatican’s ancient underground paces, with their entrance fees and popular souvenir shops, are a big money-maker for the Vatican.

Tourists have complained about the inconvenience. Fluger William Hunter, an American tourist, said: "A lot of tourists don't have cash on them, so they have to get Euros and don't know where to get them."

The central bank said a routine inspection found that Deutsche Bank Italia had not sought authorisation when it first started providing services at the Vatican, according to the Corriere della Sera newspaper.

 

And finally:

 

Somewhere in a physiotherapy dept at a Norovirus infected NHS ‘Orspital

 

That’s it: I’m orf to purchase a “Larry” (just in case)
 

 

And today’s thought:

So how much discount did you get at Oddbins....

Angus

National Harm Service: JC balls up: Signs of the “end of the world”: Climb every staircase: Not Mushroom for art: and The Dwarven Helm.

Still chucking it dahn, still a lot of lack of warm, still not a glimmer of solar stuff and still being blasted by atmospheric movement at the Castle this morn, the toofache is a bit better after several doses of antibiotics and his Maj has decided that the nice dry litter tray is preferable to sitting in the rain to do his business.

 

All across Foundation Trust Blighty

Patients both young and old are being killed by piss poor treatment, by even piss poorer medics and some “nurses” that would be more at home in a slaughter house.

That is not to say that most of those unfortunate enough to end up in ‘Orspital manage to leave alive and in reasonable health, but there does seem to be a growing number of patients that do not.

And the reason for this downturn in “care”....

 

My belief is that it has been the “Foundation Trust” frenzy, that point where financial targets replaced patient care, where ‘Orspitals were given autonomy from control and allowed to do as they wish.

The point where patients became a financial drain, “clients” or “customers”, where nurses became “assets”, doctors became even more egotistical than they were and “the management” became lord of the wards.

I have seen it first hand, my local butchers shop (Grimly Dark); before “Foundation trust status” was a reasonable place to be ill, it was a bit shoddy but the attitude of the medical staff was almost human until “it” happened, then the atmosphere changed, those in the beds were downgraded from the priority of all and sundry to a cost effective bag of organs to be moved along the conveyer belt as quickly and cheaply as possible to emerge (or not) at the exit whether they were cured (or not).

And the only control of the management lords is the CQC which is about as much use as the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition when it comes to looking after our wellbeing.

 

So a plea to “those in power”, rescind the Foundation Trust status of our ‘Orspitals, return control to the people, do away with the boards of directors, the multiple layers of management, the atmospheric salaries paid to those who rule, spend the money on better training and more importantly better nurses and doctors, better facilities for the ill and a better NHS for those who actually pay for it.

 

Meanwhile east to the land of stables and childbirth

Apparently according to archaeologist Aviram Oshri JC wasn’t born in Bethlehem on the West Bank south of Jerusalem but in Bethlehem of the Galilee 7 kilometres from Jesus’ childhood home, Nazareth.

Allegedly there is proof, according to the archaeologist, that what Israelis call Judea – the other Bethlehem in the West Bank – was not even inhabited when Jesus was born.

 

Ooops.....

 

West a fair amount to the place where there are not a lot of plumbers or builders

Residents of Koniec Swiata have accused outsiders, who believe the Mayan apocalypse prophecy, of nicking the towns signs and making their daily lives difficult.

‘Our name means literally End Of The World, so once the doomsday hunters found this out they wouldn’t leave us alone,’ said 50-year-old local Roman Adamus.

‘We’ve lost six of them this year so enough is enough and they’re coming down.’

Irritated neighbour Marianna Warszawska added the people that were pinching the signs were causing a lot of problems.

‘I’ve lived here all my life and these people are a bloody nightmare,’ the 85-year-old said.

‘Hopefully they’ll leave us alone when the world doesn’t end.’

 

 Seems that her wish may come true....

 

East again this time to the land of everything

 

A 300-foot staircase along a mountain face in the Taihang Mountains in Linzhou, China is the next best thing if you want the same feeling you get when mountain climbing. The hike up the stairs provides a great experience one will not easily forget, and no special gear is needed.

 And the snags-However, due to safety and health concerns, the management has qualifications before anyone is allowed to ascend. Climbers must be under 60 years of age and are asked to fill out a form confirming that they do not have heart or lung problems.

 

Glad I’m 61.....

 

West to the land of fiscal cliffs

Boston-based artist Corey Corcoran uses mushrooms as canvases for his original illustrations.

The size of his works ranges from six inches to two feet, depending on the mushroom canvas, and the theme mostly revolves around plant life, insects, and people.

 

Edible art-nice….

 

And finally:

 

Fancy something to keep your dwarf warm?

Well now you can purchase the dwarven beard, helm forged from yarn for your favourite small person.

 

Must get one for the butler...

 

That’s it: I’m orf to buy a bullet ticket

 

And today’s thought:

Time to get fit.

 

Angus

Willy Windsor: A grand (and a bit) Days Work: Private Finance Idiot: Tesco Bird Bandits: Scum Villages: Treegonometry: and an Eight year old snack.

More than a lot of lack of warm, minimal amounts of atmospheric movement, minus amounts of skywater and missing solar stuff at the Castle this morn.

 

 

Allegedly Pippa’s sister has been banged up by some tall bald bloke and is in ‘Orspital with a touch of morning sickness, that’ll teach em.

 

All across up the duff Blighty

Doctors are earning £1,200 for a single day’s work due to high demand for out-of-hours GPs.

Some are even being paid bonuses for going out and visiting patients rather than dealing with them over the phone according to the Daily Turdygraph

Younger GPs are shunning the traditional route of working their way up in a practice, they say, in favour of locuming which enables them to earn up to £20,000 a month.

Carmen Marshall, who runs The Locum GP Consultancy in Luton Beds said hourly rates, had risen in the past five years because of a paucity of GPs.

She said the £1,200 figures tended to be for 12-hour shifts on bank holidays.

A spokesman for the British Medical Association said locums were in general paid less than partner GPs. He added: “Locums have always been part of the workforce.”

 

No wonder the NHS is going tits up...

 

Son of a ........Baronet

And alien reptile in disguise George (I have an IQ lower than a turd) Osborne is to announce a new generation of PFI schemes, but allegedly he will introduce safeguards to ensure the taxpayer shares in any profits.

Companies involved in the private finance projects will also be forced to disclose their profits following fears that unjustified “windfalls” have been made at the expense of taxpayers because of poorly designed schemes.

In his Autumn Statement tomorrow, the Chancellor will announce a programme called PF2, to replace the original scheme. It will be used to finance a new generation of hospitals, schools, roads and other taxpayer-funded projects.

“Mr” Osborne will also disclose that he will save £2.5 billion by helping Whitehall departments and local authorities to renegotiate their current PFI deals.

The Government is committed to paying £229 billion in the coming decades for PFI schemes that were agreed by previous administrations to build public services. The schemes have been undermined by allegations that taxpayers are forced to pay hundreds of pounds for basic maintenance such as changing a light bulb.

More than 20 NHS trusts are facing serious financial instability and resultant problems with paying for medical services because of the costs of the schemes.

The first PF2 project is expected to be a £1.7 billion scheme to rebuild and renovate 219 schools. Work is expected to begin in the spring.

The “Chancellor” will also outline plans for an expansion in gas-generated power stations, with 30 plants to be providing electricity by 2030.

This marks a victory over the Liberal Democrats, who wished to move towards greener energy.

 

Oh good, can’t wait, mainly because I will be dead by 2030......

 

Norf of the border

A 24-hour Tesco store has resorted to closing late at night in order to evict a couple of persistent visitors.

Two birds – a robin and a 
pigeon – have been making themselves at home at the Tesco Extra store in Inshes, Inverness, defying repeated attempts by managers to bar them. The pair has taken to circling the checkouts and loitering in the cafe window, searching for scraps of food dropped by 
customers.

Managers have now been reduced to cutting the store’s opening hours in an attempt to deal with the birds as effectively as possible, while keeping the inconvenience to customers at a minimum.

An assistant at the supermarket said: “We’ve had to start closing the store for a while at 11pm, when it’s quiet. All the staff has to go to the staff room and wait while the birds are chased out of the store.”

 

Morrisons has better fruit and veg.....

 

Right a bit to the land of the “Dam”

Amsterdam is to create "Scum villages" where nuisance neighbours and anti-social tenants will be exiled from the city and re-housed in caravans or containers with "minimal services" under constant police supervision.

Social housing problem families or tenants who do not show an improvement or refuse to go to the special units face eviction and homelessness.

Eberhard van der Laan, Amsterdam's Labour mayor, has tabled the £810,000 plan to tackle 13,000 complaints of anti-social behaviour every year. He complained that long-term harassment often leads to law abiding tenants, rather than their nuisance neighbours, being driven out.

"This is the world turned upside down," the mayor said at the weekend.

The project also involves setting up a special hotline and system for victims to report their problems to the authorities.

The new punishment housing camps have been dubbed "scum villages" because the plan echoes a proposal from Geert Wilders, the leader of a populist Dutch Right-wing party, for special units to deal with persistent troublemakers.

"Repeat offenders should be forcibly removed from their neighbourhood and sent to a village for scum," he suggested last year. "Put all the trash together."

There are already several small-scale trial projects in the Netherlands, including in Amsterdam, where 10 shipping container homes have been set aside for persistent offenders, living under 24-hour supervision from social workers and police.

Under the new policy, from January next year, victims will no longer have to move to escape their tormentors, who will be moved to the new units.

A team of district "harassment directors" have already been appointed to spot signals of problems and to gather reports of nuisance tenants.

The Dutch Parool newspaper observed that the policy was not a new one. In the 19th century, troublemakers were moved to special villages in Drenthe and Overijssel outside Amsterdam. The villages were rarely successful, becoming sink estates for the lawless.

"We have learned from the past," said the mayor's spokesman. "A neighbourhood can deal with one problem family but if there are more the situation escalates."

 

Take note Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition---"We have learned from the past,"

  

Back in almost Crimbo Blighty

 

The formula for decorating the perfect Christmas tree has been cracked.

Getting the correct ratio of lights and tinsel is also crucial to lighting up your life, say students at Sheffield University's maths society.

Their calculations suggest the tree-topping angel or star should be precisely one tenth the size of the tree. The number of lights required is found by multiplying the mathematical constant Pi (3.14) by the height of the tree in centimetres.

For example, a 183cm (6ft) tree needs 574cm of lights (183 x 3.14) or 18ft 9in. But perfection is only obtainable with 37 baubles and 920cm (30ft) of tinsel.

'The formulas took us about two hours to complete,' said formula creators Nicole Wrightham and Alex Craig, both 20. 'We hope they'll play a part in making Christmas a bit easier for everyone.'

The work was commissioned by department store Debenhams.

Christmas decorations buyer Sarah Theobold said: 'The formula is so versatile it will work for a tree large enough for the Royal Family at Balmoral but also on trees small enough for modest homes.'

 

Nah: the picture is what the perfect Crimbo tree looks like-still in the ground....

 

And finally:

 

Left to the place where mammals are kept in captivity

An eight-year-old girl has had a lucky escape after a dolphin she was feeding bit her at a US theme park.

Jillian Thomas was holding out fish to feed to dolphins at Orlando's SeaWorld when she got an unexpected surprise.

While she was feeding the usually friendly mammals, a dolphin lunged at her and nipped her hand.

The girl, whose parents posted the video on YouTube to make other people aware of the dangers, suffered three small puncture wounds.

Jillian's father, Jamie Thomas, told local media the family were angry at the theme park for not warning them of the dangers of dolphin feeding.

"We felt powerless," he said.

"We thought, look, we've got this video, let's make it public, and let's try to put some pressure on SeaWorld to make some changes."

 

How about realising that feeding a large mammal with teeth by hand could be a bit chancy you twonk....but did it do it on Porpoise.....

 

That’s it: I’m orf to bung my flash memory in the oven

 

And today’s thought:

One dahn one to go.

 

 

Angus