The Police are revolting: U-Turn Cam on Justice: Homeless Coalition: Dead Weasel: Goosey, Goosey sandals: The Wrong shoes: and a Beer crate bike Numpty.

Sunny, calm and pleasant at the Castle this morn, the Strawberries are just about ready to pick, and I have just returned from Tesco’s with the stale bread, gruel and cat food.

Nightmare of a day yesterday, hence no post-fucking Microsoft decided to download an “update” while I was backing up my laptop and it froze then crashed, I couldn’t repair it so I spent 12 hours re-installing Vista(again), but I have lost the last three years of blog posts, picture, emails and my backup hard drive is stuffed as well.

I can recover the lost data if I am willing to pay $89 which I am not, so a truncated post today.

Anyone got a Mac they don’t want?

Apparently the “law” is revolting

Over 2,000 frontline police officers are to demonstrate against police budget cuts in London next month.

The rally will be the police's biggest protest in the capital for three years and will be held by the Police Federation of England and Wales at Methodist Central Hall on July 13th.

Wonder if they will be “Kettled”.

Old fart Ken Clarke is in the doo, U-Turn Cam doesn’t know which way to face and crims are in abundance on our streets.

Her Majesty's Inspectorate of Constabulary and Her Majesty's Crown Prosecution Service Inspectorate found that more than 100,000 criminal offences wrongly result in an “out of court disposal” every year.

The verdict was delivered as David Cameron faced calls to sack Kenneth Clarke, the Justice Secretary, over his plans to halve the sentences of many senior criminals who plead guilty.

More than a third of the 1.3 million crimes resolved by the police every year result in an “out of court disposal” such as a fixed penalty notice, a caution or a warning, a total of almost 500,000.

In a report published today, the inspectors conclude that around a third of those cases should have been dealt with in court, where magistrates or judges could impose larger fines, community sentences or a jail term.

Those who escaped court proceedings were “frequent or serious” offenders, the inspectors found.

No surprises there then....

 

And apparently the Millionaires Club Coalition is making people homeless.

Have a read, interesting article.

Over the wide wet thing to the left

Police say a man was carrying a dead weasel when he burst into an apartment and assaulted a man in Washington State.

The victim asked, "Why are you carrying a weasel?" Police said the attacker answered, "It's not a weasel, it's a marten," then punched him in the nose and fled.

Police later found the 33-year-old Hoquiam man arguing with his girlfriend at another location and arrested him after a fight.

He said he had found the marten dead near Hoquiam, but police don't know why he carried it with him.

A marten is a member of the weasel family.

The mind boggles, pop goes the Weasel?

Down a fair bit

Gator the rescue goose’s adoptive parents, Bob and Lauree Strouse, were so concerned his feet would suffer on their walks; they got him a pair of sandals.

The couple designed the footwear to combat the hot and harsh concrete in the town of St Augustine, Florida.

The trio have become a regular sight since finding Gator wandering along the edge of Lake Roy in Winter Haven, Florida.

They feared its resident alligators would gobble him up, so took him under their wing. ‘We rescued him,’ said Mrs Strouse. They called him Gator because it’s a shortening of the rather pessimistic ‘Gator bait’. That was four years ago.

They now regularly take him out for a walk but make sure he is on a lead in crowded areas to make sure he does not get into mischief.

But at heart Gator is a home body. ‘He grazes in the yard,’ said Mr Strouse. ‘He eats grass and ants and bugs,’ his wife added.

Hippy Gander...

Back in Blighty

And talking of footwear, a school that banned 17 pupils from a GCSE exam as they were wearing the wrong shoes was labelled “draconian” by parents yesterday.

Four students refused to take off their casual footwear and missed the maths test, while 13 took it in socks.

Patrick Doherty, 15, was worried his feet would smell and sent his sister to fetch another pair – but she got back after the exam started and he was not allowed in.

Mrs Doherty has complained to governors at Cardinal Newman Catholic School in Coventry.

The school stated: “We have offered financial support to help buy shoes so there is no reason why anyone should not be in full uniform.”

Catholic school-should have been wearing chastity belts....

And finally:

Over to the land of sauerkraut.

A beer-loving inventor who created a motorbike out of a lager crate and a lawnmower engine is in hospital with after pranging the creation on its maiden voyage.

Mechanic Martin Koenig, 22, from Ober Olm, Germany, overturned the trike on a turn and was hurled to the ground, say police.

"Unfortunately he was not wearing a helmet and he hit his head. It wasn't the most stable vehicle in the world," explained one officer.

"He had built the entire thing himself from the frame to the engine.

"We don't think he'd consumed all the beer from the crate before the crash, but as he was on private land he wasn't tested for alcohol."

Just for his IQ,

That’s it: I’m orf to update the periodic table.

And today’s thought: If you think things can’t get worse it’s probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.

Angus  

Aid Superpower: Guaranteed NHS: UFO files Dahn Unda Fuck Orf: Biting Beavers: Cabbage art: and The Titanic sinks again.

Not bad at the Castle this morn, sunny, coldish and calm, my day trip to friends in Cheltenham turned into a weekend away, which then became a three day break, I arrived home late last night and his Majesty was so pleased to see me that he went straight for the left ankle.

The garden is looking even rosier-

Even if the lawn does look like coconut matting. 

And I am thinking of starting a “lottery Site” for cars, it will work like this-you tell me what car you want and give me your credit/debit card number, I make you wait a couple of months then I take money out of your account, then you wait another two weeks, then I tell which car you will get.

 Got to be a winner-well it “works” for the Olympics….

According to Andrew Mitchell the “development Secretary” we Brits will love being an “Aid Superpower”.

 Mr Mitchell conceded that a growing aid budget was hard to sell to voters in tough economic circumstances, but insisted that the Government’s decisions will ultimately prove popular.

With the Department of Health, the Department for International Development is one of only two Whitehall departments whose budgets are growing over the current four-year spending round.

Overall aid spending will rise from £7.8 billion this year to £11.5 billion under a Coalition pledge to provide real increases in development funding, a real-terms increase of 34 per cent.  

He don’t know us very well do he…

And U-Turn Cam has made five “guarantees” about our poor old battered NHS.

Allegedly U-Turn will say:

•  The NHS will remain a universal service
• Changes will improve "efficient and integrated care" not hinder it
• Hospital waiting times will be "kept low"
• NHS spending will be increased, not reduced
• The NHS will not be sold off and competition will benefit patients

 Pinch of salt time…….

Dahn Unda

It seems that the Aussie UFO files have gone walkabout.

Fairfax sought access to the Australian version. But the response was more surprising than what the files might have contained - the material has largely gone missing.

The department spent two months searching its offices for files that would be captured by the Herald's FOI application, which sought a ''schedule of records held by the Department of Defence … which relate to unidentified flying objects''.

But in late May, the department's FOI assistant director, Natalie Carpenter, delivered a reply that seemed almost designed to set online chat rooms alight with conspiracy chatter.

The only file Defence was able to locate was titled ''Report on UFOs/Strange Occurrences and Phenomena in Woomera''; the others had been destroyed.

Photoshop that ain’t.

Left oodles of non metric units to the ex colonies

Game wardens remained stumped about a spate of "truly bizarre" rabid beaver attacks in and around Philadelphia.

Three people were bitten by a beaver last week in Pennypack Park in the city's north-eastern region before the animal was killed and officials determined it had rabies.

A married couple was fishing on Wednesday when the large beaver bit the woman's leg, then turned on her husband and bit him in both arms and on his chest, the Pennsylvania Game Commission said.

On Thursday, a child was bitten in the same park. A short time later, a park ranger located the beaver nearby.

That animal was killed and tested positive for rabies at a Health Department lab. Game wardens are looking through the park for other beavers that could be infected.

Park officials were baffled by the location of the attacks and the fact that the mammal was a beaver -- not a raccoon or skunk.

It’s been many years since I even got near a Beaver, let alone got bitten by one…..

East about the same number of thingies

Ju Duoqi stocks up on cabbages in the Beijing vegetable market and then transforms the humble vegetables into works of art depicting beautiful women -- that sometimes leave very little to the imagination.

The 38-year-old said she started using cabbages in her work five years ago when she was looking for a way to bring her art together with everyday life.

"Cabbages come in different sizes and colours. Under different light and in different contexts, I can make cabbages into various forms and take photos of them that produce different moods," Ju said.

She often spends hours in the market picking out cabbages that reflect the curves of a woman's body, or that can be cut to make limbs or other accessories, using a combination of round cabbage and longer, slim "celery" cabbage.

Back in her studio on Beijing's outskirts, Ju uses toothpicks and knives to reshape the cabbage leaves to represent different parts of the body -- carving tiny hands, say, or using individual leaves for effect.

She then uses a combination of whole cabbages and leaves to form sculptures. Different stages of decomposition -- fresh, rotten or dry -- create different effects.

Once done, Ju photographs the cabbage woman as she reclines on her worktable, and then reconstructs her, piece by piece, using editing software.

Ju's cabbage beauties series has been shown in Beijing, London, Paris, Los Angeles and Miami. The limited edition prints sell for 2,000 to 3,000 Euros ($2,900-$4,300).

 No wonder veg is so expensive.

And finally:
 

Dahn in Dorset

When Mark Wilkinson took his new 16ft boat out for its maiden voyage, it lived up to its namesake, and sank.

Mr Wilkinson was left floundering as the vessel sprang a leak and began taking on water before disappearing beneath the waves.

Holidaymakers looked on while Mr Wilkinson, from Birmingham, was pulled out of the sea by the local harbour master.

Titanic II was was later towed out of West Bay harbour in Dorset.

Mr Wilkinson, aged in his 40s, said afterwards: "If it wasn't for the harbour master I would have gone down with the Titanic.

"It's all a bit embarrassing and I got pretty fed up with people asking me if I had hit an iceberg."

Numpty.

That’s it: I’m orf to build a warp core.

And today’s thought: It is a sin to believe evil of others, but it is seldom a mistake.

 

Angus

I hate Talk Talk: Lordy Lordy: Cultural men: Seeing Eye Goats: Paddling Numptys: Pippa gets a new job: Pissed Parrots: and climbing the ladder of Elfandsafety.

Calm, sunnyish, warmish and dry at the Castle this morn, the new resident is snuggled up against me and is in the land of nod after an hour of lunacy and the Honda is covered with yellow dust again, which will probably be added to by the volcanic ash which is allegedly on its way.

I am in the process of changing my ISP, I have been with Tiscali since the orf and have been very happy, decent prices, excellent connection and no bovver.

Then Talk bleedin Talk took them over and my last monthly bill has risen by almost fifty pc, so I phoned them to find out why they were ripping me orf (at my expense) and as soon as the twelve year old found out that I am with Tiscali transferred me to “the other division”.

Twenty seven minutes later I was left with the promise of a phone call to “sort things out” in a months time and look forward to receiving my next inflated bill in a few days time.

So I contacted Orange (my mobile provider) who have offered me a great deal, a new wireless router, no connection charge and fixed prices for the next 18 months.

The only snag is that they tried to contact Talk Talk to obtain my mac code and surprise, surprise they couldn’t get through.

So Orange will ring me back today at 11 of the am and we will try again.

I hate Talk Talk…..

Apparently Lord Hanningfield is a bit bemused by all the hoo-ha over his expenses

He told Chelmsford Crown Court he was "horrified" to find himself being prosecuted because of claim forms he spent just "a minute a month" filling out.

The former Lords opposition frontbencher and Essex County Council leader is alleged to have fraudulently claimed parliamentary expenses for hotels in London between March 2006 and April 2009 when he did not in fact stay overnight in the capital.

Lord Hanningfield, 70, who denies six counts of false accounting, said he "quite honestly assumed" he could claim the maximum amount after learning that this was what 85% of peers did.

Asked by his defence counsel why he thought he was entitled to the full sum, he said: "The £30-40 a day that was then available on the daily allowance was very little."

The peer, from West Hanningfield, near Chelmsford, Essex, told the court he saw the money as a "living-out-of-London allowance" rather than overnight subsistence.

Lord Hanningfield said he spent "a minute a month" completing the Lords' expenses claim form in exactly the same way each time, not even including rises in train fares.

"If I had known how important some people saw those forms, I would have done much more. I didn't see it as self-certifying, I saw it as means of getting expenses," he said.

Isn’t hindsight a wonderful thing......?

According to “research”

Simply observing culture improves the physical health and mental wellbeing of men more than attempting to be creative, it is claimed.

Women seem to benefit more from taking part in artistic activities than just watching them, however.

Researchers suggest that doctors and policymakers should therefore promote cultural activities as a simple way to lower stress.

“The results indicate that the use of cultural activities in health promotion and healthcare may be justified,” say the authors, whose study is published online in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health.

In the paper, researchers from the Norwegian University of Science and Technology analyse the results of a three-year questionnaire of 50,797 adults, who were asked about what cultural and creative activities they took part in as well as their health and happiness.

They were asked how often they went to museums, art exhibitions, concerts, plays, films, church or sporting fixtures, as well as how often they participated in club meetings, sang or played musical instruments, danced, worked out or played a sport, or took part in outdoor activities.

The academics conclude: “This population-based study suggests gender-dependent associations between cultural participation and physical health, anxiety, depression and satisfaction with life.”

Money helps quite a bit as well.

Across to the place O’Bama has left

Michelle Feldstein was prepared to provide special accommodations for the blind horse she recently added to the flightless ducks, clawless cats and homeless llamas inhabiting her animal shelter in Montana.

But nothing could prepare her for the 40-legged, seeing-eye entourage that accompanied "Sissy," a sightless, 15-year-old quarter horse.

"Sissy came with five goats and five sheep -- and they take care of her," said Feldstein, the force behind Deer Haven Ranch, a private rescue facility she runs with her husband, Al, on 300 acres north of Yellowstone National Park.

The seeing-eye sheep and guard goats are never far from the white mare, and they never lead her astray. They shepherd Sissy to food and water, and angle the horse into her stall amid blowing snows or driving rains.

"They round her up at feeding time and then move aside to make sure she gets to the hay," Feldstein said. "They show her where the water is and stand between her and the fence to let her know the fence is there."

Oh bless….

Dahn Unda

Twenty-year-old Grace Nash and her 22-year-old boyfriend Bruce Crawford, of Geauga County, northern Ohio, found themselves up to their ankles in trouble for rafting on a swollen river, the Grand River, in an emergency without safety jackets and lying about it afterwards.

A ranger on April 23 observed their raft in the water with river conditions above flood stage and saw they weren't wearing life jackets, the News-Herald reported.

The pair were able to get back on land by themselves, but lied when an official asked whether they were the people who had been in the water.

At least nine departments then arrived to search for missing rafters until 9.30pm - including a US Coast Guard helicopter that was dispatched from Detroit.

The couple pleaded guilty to misdemeanour misconduct during an emergency. Painesville Municipal Court Judge Michael a Cicconetti sentenced the pair to 60 days in jail or to stand in a kiddie’s inflatable pool while wearing life jackets and handing out water safety brochures at a festival in Painesville, 48 kilometres northeast of Cleveland, Ohio.

And their punishment? Standing in a kiddie’s inflatable pool, in life jackets and handing out water safety leaflets.

They got orf lightly if you ask me.

Pippa’s new job

Pippa Middleton has reportedly landed a new job working for her ex-boyfriend.

The 27-year-old has agreed to take the new 'green' job that will see her working at the geothermal energy firm which is run by her ex George Percy.

She was recently spotted enjoying a break away with George, 26, and some friends in Madrid.

A source said to UK newspaper Sunday Mirror: "Pip and George are really close friends so when he needed someone to help out with office stuff, she was the obvious person to ask.

"She's enjoying getting stuck in to something new."

 I bet she is……

Back Dahn Unda

Pissed Parrots have been accused of being drunk and disorderly by residents living in Palmerston, Australia.

The birds are thought to get into their inebriated state by eating a particular plant that makes them exhibit all the tendencies of having overdone it on the sauce.

According to Ark Animal Hospital vet Dr Stephen Cutter, the birds act in a drunken manner and then fall over: ‘It's probably a plant with alcohol, or toxins in a plant making it worse’.

The birds typically start out by making a lot of racket on a Friday night at the Palmerston Markets, followed by more loud drunken behaviour before they eventually fall over.

Sorry about the video-I couldn’t resist…..

And finally:

Back in Blighty

A pensioner who contacted her local council for help with a nest of angry wasps outside her bathroom window was told nothing could be done, because the job required climbing a ladder. Pendle council in Lancashire claimed that using ladders was too dangerous when environmental health staff were required to wear protective clothing and carry poison.

David Whipp, a local councillor, said: “Unfortunately, you do not find wasps nesting on the ground.

“People wearing cumbersome suits managed to land on the Moon. Presumably, we would never have got there if the health and safety brigade had their way.”

Officials stood by the policy yesterday, saying it was safer for staff to apply poison to nests with a pole.

Pendle Council in Lancashire has been stung by criticism that using ladders is too dangerous when environmental health staff are wearing a bee keepers' smock and hood, and carrying poison.

But officials stood by the policy yesterday, saying staff were better off applying the poison with a pole.

The row blew up after a resident was turned down for the service after telling the council the nest about 20ft off the ground - could only be reached by ladder.

Ah-the old Elfandsafety pole excuse…..

That’s it: I’m orf to look for a new species

And today’s thought: I intend to live forever -- so far, so good!

Angus

Trust me-I’m a Tory-U-Turn cam: Out of Afghanistan: Quaking Romans: Whale Vomit: Pastie petrol: Heavens Angel: and Up and Down in Sarf Africa.

Bit sunny, quite calm and a lot chilly at the Castle this morn, I have de-fluffed most of the computers in the kitchen, and spent a not very pleasant afternoon re-installing vista which I couldn’t restore on a laptop that had serious virus problems because there was no anti-virus installed.

Life is fun……

Late this morn Blogger has been down………I blame James; it was fine before he came back.

U-Turn Cam is the latest “person” to ignore poor Old Nick (kick me) Clegg by telling the country that “Only the Conservatives can be trusted with the NHS”, while Nicky was sitting to U-Turn Cam’s right-hand side.

And  

Staying with our non elected “leader”

David Cameron has triggered a row with military chiefs by insisting that hundreds of British troops must be withdrawn from Afghanistan within weeks.

But British commanders have warned David Cameron that an early exit could jeopardise the counter-insurgency mission, allowing the Taliban to regain territory and popular support.

As a compromise, defence chiefs have reluctantly drawn up plans to withdraw 450 of Britain's 10,000 troops from Afghanistan. Mr Cameron wants to agree their withdrawal with Barack Obama when he visits London later this month.

The British troops could leave Afghanistan as soon as July, when the American withdrawal begins.

How many feet can u-turn fit into his facial orifice?

Across Europe to the land of past glories

Last week I mentioned that Rome was expecting an earthquake yesterday; apparently twenty [per cent] of Romans didn't go to work. On the other hand, hotels and agritourism facilities have had a boom in bookings," said Primo Mastrantoni, head of the Association for the Rights of Users and Consumers.

An institute set up to study the writings of Raffaele Bendandi has emphasised he never made a prediction of an earthquake in Rome on May 11, but that has done little to stop the rumour spreading by word of mouth.

Traffic was particularly light on the Italian capital's normally clogged streets and the usual crowds in the metro and outside schools were absent.

Shopkeepers in the Chinese-dominated Esquilino quarter took off, with nine out of 10 shops shuttered with signs saying "illness" or "re-stocking".

400 people joined a Facebook group whose members spent the night camped out in the wide open spaces of the Circus Maximus, an ancient Roman arena.

Others organised giant earthquake picnics in the city's many parks.

Been to Rome it didn’t shake my world…..mind you parts of it looked as if it had had a nine on the Richter scale.

Dahn Unda and right a bit

A Maori tribe on New Zealand's North Island were celebrating an unexpected windfall after finding a large chunk of whale vomit while burying the corpse of a stranded sperm whale that had been mutilated by vandals.

The 40kg lump of ambergris has just been sold to a French company for an undisclosed sum after being discovered last year, The Dominion Post reported.

Dargaville broker Adrienne Beuse said tens of thousands could be paid per kilogram of ambergris, dependent on its quality. Some estimates of the value of the New Zealand find were as high as $400,000.

Sperm Whale vomit is more correctly known as ambergris, and is a rare and often valuable ingredient in fine perfumes.

Ah the old Chanel number chuck up.

Up in Lincolnshire

Scientists plan to power cars using oil garnered from Cornish pasties, pies and other waste food, it has been announced.

Eco-friendly fuel firm Greenergy have revealed their intentions to make biodiesel using oil extracted from various forms of food waste.

As well as pasties, crisps and other notoriously oily products that would normally be send to landfill sites and disposed of will be taken to a processing plant in Immingham, Lincolnshire.

There, the cooking oil - which scientists say can make up around 30 per cent of some processed foods - will be extracted and re-filtered in order to be compatible with combustion engines.

The finished product will be made up using a fine blend of regular diesel fuel extracted from crude oil and the waste food oil.

Around £50million of investment is being channelled into the venture, Greenergy have said, and it will eventually lead to the new form of fuel being sold on petrol station forecourts.

Think I’d rather eat the pasties.

Up a bit to Cricket County

A vicar who calls himself "heaven's angel" has celebrated setting the inaugural world record for a motorcycle hearse when he clocked just over 114mph on an airfield runway.

The Rev Ray Biddiss, 57, had to reach a speed of more than 80mph at Elvington Airfield, near York, on Tuesday in his specially built "trike-hearse" to be recognised by Guinness World Records.

And the clergyman, from Halifax, West Yorkshire, managed to hit 114.1mph in The Rocket, which he says he uses for real funeral services.

The good news is that if you are in the back you won’t get the speeding ticket…..or will you?

And finally:

Right a lot and down even more

A British thrill-seeker set a world record with 105 bungee jumps in seven and a half hours – plus two more after lunch before the cold stopped him.

Scott Huntly, 49, made the repeated jumps at Bloukrans Bridge in South Africa, the highest commercially-run bungee spot on Earth at 708ft.

The expat dad of one, from Edinburgh, said: “I only stopped twice to go to the toilet; otherwise I was either jumping down or bouncing back up.”

Maybe they should change the sign to “Worlds highest Numptys”.

That’s it: I’m orf to search for the “First Fungi” in the moat.

And today’s thought: Don't be stupid. We have politicians for that. 

Angus

Piss poor Policies Dave C’s Piss Poor performance: Fit for work ESA not fit for purpose: Oil be back: Ghosts of Bedlam: Take a seat: and Shoot the victim.

‘Tis cold and windy at the Castle this morn, the kitchen is full of non working computers, the butler is out collecting more fat teenagers for the furnace, and my shiny red Honda is now completely yellow.

As usual I watched what is laughingly called “Prime Minister’s” question time, and the “calm down dear” attempt of the most inept PM ever to grace our green and chilly land to play to the TV audience.

Not bothered about the PC side of the comment, the phrase has been about for years in the insurance advert, what bothers me is the complete inability of Piss Poor Policies Dave to string together enough words to give us information about our economy without resorting to childish comments.

It seems that we are “Governed” by the Eton dorm gang with the nouse of a leprous Armadillo and the common sense of an onion.

Who voted for this bunch of lacklustre pillocks?

And according to Chris Grayling three out of four benefits claimants are fit for work.

Three quarters of people who applied to claim sickness benefits for the first time turned out to be fully capable of work, new figures show.

Four out of 10 applicants for the Employment and Support Allowance (ESA) were found to be fit to undertake employment after being forced to submit to tough new health assessments.

Another 36 per cent abandoned their application before submitting to medical tests, leading ministers to suggest that many gave up their attempt after realising that they would have to be assessed by a doctor.

Just six per cent were signed off work, with another 16 per cent found to be capable of some form of employment if they received help and support.

Or in other words 40 percent were found capable of work, 16 percent were found incapable and 36 percent still had enough pride left not to submit to the “Billy no mates” quacks that take money from the exchequer in order to fail the sick, instead of working in hospitals and GP surgeries where they belong, but then again they already have a job-or two….

Over the what not to the colonies

Rises in fuel prices have led to an increase in the number of used fryer grease (oil) rustlers roaming restaurant alleys in the United States.

Grease thefts have spiked whenever fuel prices climbed during the last four years and this spring is no different, according to Tom Cook, president of the National Renderers Association.

"It's on the rise and it's because of higher oil prices," Cook told Reuters in a telephone interview. "I have one member who told me it's costing his business $1 million a year."

Recyclers typically contract with restaurants to pick up the waste product. The grease is cleaned and sold for use as bio fuel, livestock feed and other products.

An Omaha recycler has filed theft reports with police in Omaha and Lincoln in Nebraska, and Sioux City, Iowa. Thieves recently stole about 4,200 pounds (1,909 kgs) of used grease from six Lincoln fast-food restaurants.

Processed fryer oil is not trash. It is called yellow grease and is traded. Its value is driven by higher prices of gas and ethanol.

Recyclers and collectors pay restaurants about 18 cents a pound for grease. After further processing, it can be sold for 42 to 45 cents a pound, said Cook, who is based in Alexandria, Virginia.

Naughty, naughty-but you can tell the culprits by the smell of chips when a diesel motor drives past.

Dahn Unda

Haunting images of bedlam - an Australian lunatic asylum that opened more than 170 years ago.

An exhibition by photographer Yvette Worboys titled Ghosts has captured eerie images of the former Gladesville Mental Hospital, in Sydney, which opened in November 1838 and closed in 1997.

Worboys, who has lived in the area most of her life, said she was drawn to the partly derelict hospital by its residual energy.

"There is quite a presence, an energy there," Worboys said.

The hospital was originally called the Tarban Creek Lunatic Asylum.

The exhibition takes place Cafe Giulia in Sydney from May 5 to June 11 and is part of the Head On Photo Festival

She said the mediums were drawn to one photo in particular of a doorway covered in vines, where they identified a strong presence to the left of the door.

Nope, can’t see a thing.

Back across to the land of the free and the home of the brave

A robbery suspect who escaped from a Buffalo police station by slipping out a back door while handcuffed to a chair has been apprehended after he was spotted riding a bike with the cuffs still on.

Police tell Buffalo media outlets that 58-year-old John Caesar of Buffalo was taken into custody Tuesday for questioning in connection with the theft of money from the Anchor Bar, the restaurant known for inventing the city's famous chicken wings.

Officials say Caesar was handcuffed to a chair in a police station when he escaped around 4 p.m. Police say he was caught Wednesday morning on a city street corner.

Well they did tell him to take a seat.

And finally:

Right a fair bit to the land of the Teutons

A German woman who had escaped without serious injury from a dog attack was accidentally shot by police while she hid from the animal behind a door, police said on Wednesday.

Police in Berlin shot the dog dead, but a stray bullet went through the door behind which the woman was cowering, striking her in the arm.

The woman was not seriously injured. She had gone to visit neighbours at their apartment on Tuesday evening when their two-year-old dog Carlito attacked her.

A police officer was also grazed in the throat by a ricocheting bullet. Police are investigating possible charges of negligence against both the dog's owner and the police officers who fired the shots.

My worst nightmare-a gang of Numptys with guns.

That’s it: I’m orf to search for Desert Dragonflies.

And today’s thought: "Computers in the future may have only 1, 000 vacuum tubes and perhaps only weigh 1 1/2 tons." - Popular Mechanics, 1949

Angus

Three core Cable backs down: May-be May-be not: Holy pizza: Hop it with a fine: Dead Alien isn’t: and Fuelling a Numpty.

Yesterday’s meteorology didn’t turn out too well, it was cloudy for most of the day and cool-ish, but it did allow me to mow the grass, hedge the hedges, border the borders and shrub a few shrubs.

But today is spiffing at the Castle this morn, which will allow me to do sod all and just sit in the garden admiring my handiwork, apparently today is “Good Friday”, which didn’t turn out too well for JC, and as a sop to those who believe in such things it appears that “himself” has made a second coming on a Pizza which you can’t own by bidding on Ebay, because it has been snapped up for AU $153.

Each to his own…..slice.

Three Core Vince Cable has decided that he will stay in the Coalition Sideboard as “Business Secretary” After openly attacking the prime minister's stance on immigration and appearing alongside Mr Miliband, former Labour home secretary Alan Johnson, Green London Assembly member Darren Johnson and union leader Billy Hayes.

Not all good news then…..

And Theresa May has insisted she will not take in any of the migrants fleeing turmoil in northern Africa as concerns grow that they could head for UK shores.

The Home Secretary has told her EU counterparts that Britain is not prepared to join any “burden sharing” as tens of thousands of people cross in to Europe, The Daily Telegraph can disclose.

Italy, where the refugees are arriving on a daily basis, has urged its EU partners to help ease the pressure by accepting some of the migrants.

But at a meeting of her justice and home affairs counterparts last week Mrs May said Britain will only offer support to Italy to help deal with the issue there.

She will repeat her firm stance when the EU Justice and Home Affairs Council meet again next month.

Yeah right….why is it that I don’t believe anything the members of the Coalition Millionaires Club says?

Up North

A disabled man was given a £70 parking ticket after he pulled his car over because his false leg had fallen off.

Lee Scarrott, 47, had stopped his car to search for a suction cup that came off just before he drove away.

But he returned to find himself hit with the fine.

Mr Scarrott, who lost his right leg in a motorbike ­accident in 2007, said: “I was only gone for five minutes.”

Nottingham City Council initially rejected his appeal, but backed down when he threatened to go to the Traffic Penalty Tribunal

He will probably be targeted by the Dept of Witless Pillocks now; after all he could work as a one legged arse kicker…

Over to the cold bit of Europe

A video of the find shot by Timur Hilall, 18, and Kirill Vlasov, 19 - supposedly showing the alien's mangled body frozen in snow in Irkutsk, Siberia - became a world-wide sensation after appearing on YouTube.

Now the pair has admitted it was a prank after being quizzed by police over the stunt.

A Russian interior ministry spokesman said: 'We found the alien in one of the student's homes.

'It was lying under his bed and an examination of it revealed it had been made of bread crumbs which were then covered in chicken skin.'

Chicken shit Alien?

And finally:

Numpty-ism is a world wide affliction

Police say a Connecticut man poured about $200 worth of gasoline onto a city street then went to a scrap metal yard and tried to sell the empty container worth $60.

Emilio Valentine of Bridgeport was charged Tuesday with illegally dumping hazardous material. He was released on a promise to appear in court.

Stephen Scholz of PC Metals tells The Connecticut Post that the 52-year-old Valentine dumped the fuel as he was driving and the metal container was still dripping when he pulled into the scrap yard. Scholz told Valentine to leave.

Police say Valentine admitted dumping the gas only after failing in efforts to sell it.

The state Department of Environmental Protection cleaned up the mess.

A number for Valentine couldn’t be located.

Thank what’s his name for idiots.

That’s it: I’m orf to have a frack.

And today’s thought: "A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it is written on". - Sam Goldwyn.

Angus