Fuelling the bills: Cracker of a Numpty: The Ginger gang: A Grave error: Elephants in the bus stop: Imaginary car: and Negligent discharges.

Still not sure about the weather at the Castle this 13^th morn of the month, cloudy and coldish with a hint of dingy and a whimsy of windy.

The study is three quarters full of broken difference machines, the garden is in dire need of fettling, his Maj requires cat litter and the bollards have finally been replaced (photo to follow)

I see that Chris Huhne has a cunning plan to meet the triple challenge of climate change, high bills for householders, and security of energy supply.

The ultra-free market which has been in place since electricity was privatised 20 years ago is to be drastically modified, with the Government offering generating companies long-term contracts at fixed prices to produce low-carbon power – that is, from renewable sources and nuclear installations. Going back to what is effectively a form of central planning is seen as essential to attract the huge investment – £110bn over the next decade – which is needed to replace Britain's ageing energy infrastructure.

The programme will put about £160 per year on to the average energy bill by 2030, the Energy and Climate Change Secretary, Chris Huhne, said yesterday, compared to £200 without the changes.

 That makes me feel really well orf...

 Over in Colorado

Sean Ogden, a 19-year-old Durango resident, was seriously injured Monday after putting fireworks in a coffee grinder and attempting to mix them to create a larger firework. The mixture exploded.

Ogden was taken to Mercy Regional Medical centre and later flown to the University of Colorado for more extensive treatment.

The Durango Herald reports the fireworks were purchased in or near Cortez, Colorado. Ogden likely decided the fireworks were too small and followed directions on the internet to dismantle and reassemble them into something larger.

Durango Fire & Rescue Authority's fire Marshal, Tom Kaufman, speculated that friction from the coffee grinder ignited the mixture. The ensuing explosion shook houses a quarter-mile away.

 You can even learn how to be a Numpty on the web.

 Dahn Unda

Known locally as the "Ginger-Haired Gang," a group of 18 teenagers with orange-dyed hair is running rampant in the Townsville suburb of Garbutt -- making residents fearful for their lives and their property, the Townsville Bulletin reported Wednesday.

A resident, who did not wish to be named for fear of retribution, told the Queensland newspaper the group had been destroying public property and threatening locals for months.

"They're 14 to 17-year-old boys and girls, it's not like kids on school holidays being stupid, these ones are organized," the resident said.

"They've kicked fences in, ripped palings out and used them as weapons; they've been throwing rocks at ... old people.

How many points do you get for that?

 Back over to the States

Two sisters are suing a cemetery for $25 million (£16m) after discovering their mother was not buried in the grave they have been visiting for 20 years.

Evelyn and Hortense Edwards reportedly bought the plot at Rosehill Cemetery in Linden, New Jersey, for their mother Beatrice Williams, who died in 1990.

But after they complained about the state of her grave, they were told last summer she was buried elsewhere in the graveyard. According to the cemetery's website she is one of seven Beatrice Williams buried in the cemetery.

$25 million for six feet of ground is a bit high.....

 In the country of engineering and strudel

Two runaway circus elephants in Germany surprised passersby and police by showing up at a bus stop during a brief bid for freedom, officials in Hanover said on Tuesday.

Dunia, a 40-year-old Indian elephant, and her counterpart Daela, a 25-year-old African elephant, were apprehended by police near the western city of Hanover over the weekend nonchalantly munching on tree leaves and looking for all the world as if they were waiting for the bus.

The pair had escaped from their enclosure at a nearby travelling circus and walked some 50 metres (165 feet) to the stop, police said. 

Just as well, they probably didn’t have the right change anyway....

 Somewhere in the world

The Monster Mk1 is an imaginary car made from bad parts of other models to represent worst performing cars on the road.

It's a concept car inspired by some of the best-known names in motoring.

But this is a banger that would break down every month and cost £2,050 in annual repairs.

It boasts an MG TF engine, sits on the suspension of a BMW M3, has the electrics of the Renault Megane, the gearbox of a Land Rover Freelander and the braking ability of the Audi A8.

Seat’s Alhambra provides the air-conditioning while heating and cooling systems are from the Spanish car maker’s Toledo. Steering is courtesy of the Volvo C70.

The nightmare model was created by Warranty Direct, which merged under-performing cars based on the average cost of repairs, frequency of breakdowns, age and mileage.

Duncan McClure Fisher, the company’s managing director, said the Monster Mk1 represents the worst-performing cars on the road.

He added: ‘the wide range included in our blend highlights how mostly reliable cars can be dragged down by one problem part.’

Why am I smiling?-I’ve got a Honda...... 

And finally: 

Back over to the left

Labelling himself as "a pretty unprofessional outdoors show host", Derek "Tex" Grebner lived up to that reputation after he shot himself in the leg during a video demo.

Grebner uploaded the clip to YouTube, as a warning that "negligent discharges happen."

In the video the keen guns-man explained that the accident had happened after he had been practicing "how to draw and fire from defensive retention."

Fortunately, Grebner managed to stop the bleeding before the paramedics arrived.

Despite the incident, Grebner encouraged his viewers at the end of the video to join the National Rifle Association "to protect our rights." 

The right to bare arms?

 That’s it: I’m orf to have a chat with the Honda 

And today’s thought: Why is abbreviation such a long word?

 Angus

King Cobra killer: Easter present: Big Squid: No nuts Numpty: Tesco get done: and a Flying motorcycle.

Sunny, calm and warm at the Castle this morn, extremely late, overslept and had to go to Tesco for stale bread, gruel and His Majesty’s food.

The study is still full of HPs, Acers, Dells and the occasional Mac because I decided to fettle the garden yesterday, the lawns are lawned, the hedges have been hedged, the borders have been bordered and the shrubs have been vandalised.

His Maj decided to help out, and spent the day chasing anything that moved-or didn’t between stealing my chair, and I popped inside to don my stockings and suspenders to fell a twenty foot California lilac that died of athlete’s foot or some other fungal infection a couple of years ago, there is just the four foot stump to sort out, but I ran out of steam, and the Butler doesn’t “do” gardening.

I see that the owner of a Nottinghamshire snake sanctuary has died after apparently being bitten by one of his own animals.

Luke Yeomans, 47, was due to open the King Cobra Sanctuary, in Eastwood, to the public this weekend.

Police confirmed they were called to a property in Brookhill Leys Road, near Eastwood, where Mr Yeomans had suffered a suspected heart attack.

Officers confirmed the snake had been contained and there was no danger to the public.

In an interview with the BBC earlier this year, Mr Yeomans said he had started the sanctuary in 2008, in reaction to the depletion of the snake's natural habitat in the forests of south-east Asia and India.

At the age of 16 he opened his first pet shop, specialising in snakes and other reptiles and two years on he started to breed his own.

"People do say that I am mad but I say it's better than people saying you're bad. I think everything I am doing is good," he said.

Except for the last thing......

Over in the Island of big heads

A drug has been discovered which scientists believe can reverse the effects of premature ageing and could extend human life by more than a decade.

Rapamycin, which has been nicknamed the “forever young” drug, was created from a chemical found in the soil on Easter Island, one of the most remote places on Earth and 2,000 miles off the coast of Chile.

It was used in experiments on children suffering from Hutchinson-Gilford Progeria Syndrome (HGPS), a rare genetic condition in which ageing is hyper-accelerated and sufferers die of “old age” at around 12 years.

Rapamycin is already used to suppress the immune system in organ transplants.

Dimitri Krainc, one of the study's co-authors, said: “Even a small activation of this 'debris removal' system would extend the health and life-span of our cells and organs.” 

Long way to go to get it though..

Up to the land of the brave and the home of the free

Several people were fishing over the weekend just off Florida's Atlantic coast when they pulled up a 23-foot-long squid.

They say they were fishing about 12 miles offshore from Port Salerno when they saw the squid, WPTV reported.

"We pulled up... thought it was something to fish on, a pallet or something like that. We looked at it, all three of us were like 'holy mackerel,' " Robert Benz told WPTV.

The squid’s body is about 11 feet long, and its tentacles were so long, it barely fit into the 23-foot-long boat.

“Nobody believes a fisherman," said Benz. "It didn't seem it had been dead long, the tentacles were still moving and it was sticking to you when we got it in.

The Florida Fish and Wildlife Commission took the squid to a facility in St. Petersburg for a necropsy.

 Isn’t that illegal?

Dahn in Devon

A knife-wielding robber's attempt to rob an off-license shop in Devon is thwarted by the owner's dog.

Eve Watson, 55, and her six-year-old Staffordshire Bull Terrier, Cane, took on the intruder after he jumped over the counter with a Stanley knife demanding money from the till.

The shop owner fought back by grabbing a nearby craft knife, telling the robber, "so you like to play with knives, do you".

Mrs Watson then grappled with the robber and managed to pull down his hood, exposing his face to the CCTV cameras in the shop.

Her dog then joined in, biting the man between his legs before the intruder fled the shop empty-handed.

Apart from his nuts which he put in his pocket.

 Still in the land of the broke and the home of anyone who wants to come here

A married couple conned a major UK supermarket out of more than £1,000 ($1,600) by using the same grocery coupon 63 times.

Nigel and Penny Ward's austerity measures saw them use Tesco Clubcard savings coupons valued at £17.50 at seven stores across the eastern English county of Cambridgeshire, the Cambridge News reported Wednesday.

The Wards, who live in the small village of Fordham, near Newmarket, pleaded guilty to a charge of fraud by false representation from Dec.15, 2010 to June 8, 2011.

The couple, who are both in their 40's, carried out the fraud by using self-service counters to scan the coupon, then leaving a plain piece of paper instead of the used coupon, Cambridge Magistrates' Court was told.

Mary Cleaver, who represented the couple, said, "It was not a sophisticated piece of criminal activity. There was no effort to cover their tracks and they even kept all their receipts."

The case was adjourned until next month for sentencing.

 Oh dear-what a shame.......still every little helps.

And finally: 

Star Wars cometh

Chris Malloy tests out his flying motorbike, which he built entirely in his own garage.

The “Hoverbike” can soar to 10,000ft and fly at 100mph. The inventor and helicopter pilot, 32, from Sydney, spent two-and-half years on the project.

Think I’ll stick to the Honda.

 That’s it: I’m orf to castrate a water boatman.

 And today’s thought: "A Windows user spends 1/3 of his life sleeping, 1/3 working, 1/3 waiting."

 Angus

Big silver bird: Dead seas: Lambo Numpty: T up your phone: Wired for sun: and Thar’s gold in the Big Apple.

Usual again at the Castle this morn-dull, damp, dingy and decidedly cool, the study is overflowing with broken things, and his Majesty is chilling out.

 

I see that Old fart Ken Clarke has done a Coalition U-Turn over the prison discount whatnot, and it appears that you only have a 50/50 chance of surviving a fire if you have smoke alarms.

Boeing have built a big silver bird,  The 747-8 is the largest plane ever built by the US aerospace giant, which makes it an ideal people-mover on a grand scale.

The "dash-eight", as they call the plane, flew straight into an order-flurry that saw it clock up some $5.4bn (£3.3bn) worth of deals at list price during the first day of the Paris air show.

With 17 fresh orders for the 747-8 Intercontinental, Boeing has pulled in 50 firm and five conditional orders for the passenger version, in addition to some 70 orders for the 747-8 windowless freighter.

 Let’s hope it is more reliable than the Airbus A380.

According to “experts”

A preliminary report from an international panel of marine experts said that the condition of the world's seas was worsening more quickly than had been predicted.

The scientists, gathered for a workshop at Oxford University, warned that entire ecosystems, such as coral reefs, could be lost in a generation.

Already fish stocks are collapsing, leading to a risk of rising food prices and even starvation in some parts of the world.

The experts blamed the increased amount of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere for pushing up ocean temperatures, boosting algae so there is less oxygen and increasing acidity of the water.

The conditions are similar to every previous mass extinction event in the Earth's history.

 Oh well, it was nice while it lasted.....

East to the land of  many, many people

A Chinese man who transformed his old Nissan car into an eye-catching Lamborghini had it confiscated by police on its maiden voyage.

Liu Yuandong, of Kunming, in southwest China's Yunnan province, spent more than £8,000 on the transformation.

But he was pulled over by the police within minutes of taking the 'sports car' for its first spin around the cities streets.

Police spokesman Pu Weiping said: "His car is not registered, and should not be driven on the road.

"It appears to have been rather roughly put together and we were concerned it wouldn't meet health and safety standards."

The car is currently being held by local traffic officers who will decide whether or not to return it to Liu after a thorough inspection. 

That’s the problem when you copy something-always a flaw, in this case the Numpty behind the wheel.

Up in Glastonbury

A prototype T-shirt has been designed to power mobiles while festival-goers watch bands in action.

Users can plug their phone in to the shirt, which uses noise-responsive technology, for a quick top-up charge whenever they need it.

Mobile phone giant Orange will be conducting live testing of the device on site at the festival this weekend to see which acts and beats are the "best to charge to" around the Spirit of 71 stage.

Tony Andrews, co-producer of the Spirit of 71, said it could provide "a real solution to mobile phone charging" while on the go.

"Sound vibrations, particularly bass frequencies, will create enough shaking to produce electricity from a material as simple as piezoelectric film," he said.

How does that song by the Move go? I’m just sitting charging mobiles in the rain....

Over to the later York

A New York woman has launched a lawsuit because she says her bikini was too hot.

Robin Corrente, 50, claims the underwire in her black swimsuit top heated to the scorching point when she was sunbathing in 32 C weather in August 2008, causing third-degree burns and blistering after about an hour in the sun.

Corrente reportedly sought medical attention and doctors removed a piece of flesh about the "size of a dime" from her right breast.

She's filed a lawsuit in Manhattan Supreme Court against Swimwear Anywhere, manufacturer of the Coco Reef bikini. 

Sun? I have heard of it, but apparently it is banned from Blighty.

 And finally: 

An unemployed jewellery setter has taken to combing the streets of New York with a pair of tweezers to cash in on dropped gems and gold.

Raffi Stepanian, 43, has begun crawling around the New York 'Diamond District' on his hands and knees, plucking jewels and fragments of precious metals from between the slabs.

Armed with a pair of tweezers, Mr Stepanian, an unemployed diamond setter from Queens, claims to have collected $1,010 (£623) worth in the past fortnight.

His haul so far has included chips of diamonds and rubies, bits of platinum and gold fragments from watches, earrings and necklaces.

He has sold most of his discoveries to metal refiners or diamond sellers, while keeping some gold with a view to melting it down for future use.  

Should have kept quiet about it....

 That’s it: I’m orf to add a new nose to the Honda. 

And today’s thought: A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

 Angus

Cooking with gas: Stumpy Numpty: Down the drain: Bugarach magic: Don’t do it yourself: and a flying sheep.

Tipping it down at the Castle this morn, just returned from Tesco after purchasing the usual-stale bread, gruel and pussy food, and I dropped into the fuel forecourt bit to buy a pint of petrol, went in to pay and I see that the recession has hit hard-Tesco is now giving just one point for every two gallons of go juice-half of the previous amount.

That should help turnover.

His majesty has discovered rolled up foil balls, he has a nice collection of  twenty or so which he hides under the wardrobes, behind the washing machine and anywhere else he can think of so that I will make another and then recovers them and puts them all in a neat pile.

I won’t mention the Microsoft word....still trying to recover my data.....

The Piss Poor Policies Coalition Millionaires Club has announced that 800,000 of the poorest pensioners will be among the first to receive the new Warm Home Discount, worth at least £120 this year.

Payments are also expected to be made to disadvantaged families, the disabled and the long-term sick.

Energy companies are to be required by law to give rebates totalling £1.1 billion over the next four years, three times as much as they provided under the previous voluntary arrangements.

The regulations introducing the new scheme are already in force, according to the Department for Energy and Climate Change. The Energy Secretary, Chris Huhne, said: “The Warm Home Discount will give the most vulnerable pensioners practical help to manage rising energy bills through an annual rebate. Energy companies will be required by law to provide this support.”

 

And what will the “Energy” companies do? Put up their prices to cover the loss.

Up North

For five years Sean Murphy was driven to distraction by a painful blemish that no amount of creams, ointments or doctors' appointments could cure.

So he came up with his own radical and permanent procedure to remove the stubborn wart forever - he blasted it with a 12-bore shotgun.

But not only did the blast take off almost his entire finger, it also left him facing 15 years in jail for the illegal possession of a firearm.

Yesterday, with only a stump to show for the middle of his left hand, and a suspended 16-week prison sentence, he insisted he had no regrets.

“I’m happy with that,” he said outside Doncaster Magistrates’ Court, South Yorkshire.

 Pillock.....

Even further North

A businessman tore up and flushed a handful of 'fake' £20 notes down the toilet - only to later find they were real.

The man, who does not wish to be named, was among a number of businessmen led to believe their cash was counterfeit on the Western Isles of Scotland.

It happened after bank staff became suspicious of £10 and £20 notes on the Isle of Lewis and a police inquiry was launched, reports STV.

The town's banks and many local shops stopped accepting £10 and £20 notes and purchased ultra-violet scanners in a bid to catch the counterfeit notes.

But the 'fake' notes have since been scrutinised by experts from the Serious Organised Crime Agency who pronounced them all absolutely genuine.

The businessman complained: "This is a right mess and it was caused by the RBS and Bank of Scotland.

"I tore up the £20 notes returned to me by the bank as fakes and I put them down the toilet to stop them getting back into circulation.

"I thought that was my public duty. How do I prove that and who is going to compensate me?"

 Pass......

Across the bit over the Chunnel

A small French town has come under scrutiny by the official cult watchdog after droves of visitors descended on it, claiming it is the only place on Earth that will survive a 2012 apocalypse.

A report by the watchdog, Miviludes, published yesterday said the village of Bugarach near Carcassonne should be monitored in the run-up to 21 December, 2012, when the gullible say the world will end, according to a supposed Mayan prophecy.

Bugarach (population 200), has long been considered magical, partly due to what locals claim is an "upside-down mountain" where the top layers of rock are older than the lower ones.

Mr Fenech said he recently visited Bugarach, and found six settlements set up by members of the American Ramtha School of Enlightenment. Other "gurus" and messianic groups have been organising fee-paying conferences at local hotels. "This is big business," he said.


Good luck with that....

Over the whatnot to the left

Sales of suicide kits, like the do-it-yourself asphyxiation hood used by a man to kill himself late last year, could soon be outlawed in the state of Oregon.

The state's House of Representative passed the bill on Monday to ban the products. It must now be considered in the state Senate, which passed similar legislation in May.

Sponsors say the bill would in no way impinge on a landmark 1997 state law legalizing physician-assisted suicides for terminally ill individuals in Oregon.

Washington is the only other state with such a statute on the books.

The newly passed Oregon bill was sparked by notoriety surrounding an elderly California woman who sells self-asphyxiation kits through a mail-order business, and the December suicide of one of her customers from Eugene, Oregon, 29-year-old Nicholas Klonoski.

 No repeat business there then....

 And finally:

 Right a lot to Welsh Wales

Fire fighters risked life and 'lamb' to rescue a sheep - which was stuck on the roof of a house.

Residents dialled 999 after the sheep was spotted scrambling across roof tiles in the remote village of Pontycymer, South Wales.

A team from Bridgend Fire and Rescue Service took 40 minutes to bring the animal down from the terraced row using a Large Animal Rescue appliance.

A spokesman for Bridgend Fire and Rescue Service said the sheep had got onto the roof by climbing up from a garage at the rear of the terrace.

He said: "We have never had anything like that before, though we have found sheep in some difficult places. 

I am not even going to mention those boots by Wellington.

 That’s it: I’m orf to oscillate some Neutrinos.

And today’s thought: Anywhere is walking distance, if you’ve got the time.

Angus

Fucking Microsoft: Up your inflation: The Indian aid trick: Benevolent sexism: Junkyard art: Weedrobes: One degree of separation: and a Car-a-van.

Mirror image of yesterday’s weather at the Castle this morn-cloudy, cold and a smidge breezy; that was a quick summer.

I spent a very enjoyable hour sitting in the garden picking strawberries from the wall box, dipping them in sugar and devouring them, his majesty spent the time tearing round chasing flies, bees and anything else that moved.

Back to it today, the kitchen is packed full of things that don’t work and I still haven’t managed to recover my backup of three years “work” from the XP desktop because fucking Microsoft can’t manage to come up with a programme that works across XP and Vista, the “data connection cable” arrived and isn’t recognised by either Operating System, and  I tried a network cable but fucking Microsoft refuses to allow me to restore the 25gb backup because XP and Vista aren’t compatible across a network.

 Fucking Microsoft....

Boris the bollocks has come up with a cunning plan to ease the water shortage, he said "Since Scotland and Wales are on the whole higher up than England, it is surely time to do the obvious - use the principle of gravity to bring surplus rain from the mountains to irrigate and refresh the breadbasket of the country in the south and east."

Err, slight snag there Boris, seeing as “Gravity” has been around for a few years, wouldn’t it have happened already?

I see that inflation is “holding steady” at 4.5pc,

Which means that the CPI rate has now overshot the Bank of England's 2% target for 34 of the past 40 months.

The Retail Prices Index (RPI) measure of inflation - which includes mortgage interest payments - was also unchanged at 5.2%, according to the Office for National Statistics (ONS).

Fuel and food prices continued to be the main contributors, with both components up 1.3% from April.

Meanwhile, alcoholic drinks and tobacco have now recorded a 9.8% increase since last year - the highest year-on-year rise on record - thanks in part to the VAT rise. 

Bastards, but don’t forget......”We are all in this together”.

Apparently MPs are supporting the £280 million we give to India each year

Britain should continue to channel £280m of its annual overseas aid budget to India despite the Asian country's fast-growing economy, according to an all-party group of MPs.

India has nuclear and space programmes and spends about £300m a year on aid to poorer countries. It has more billionaires than the UK and its economy is expected to grow by 9 per cent next year.  

Remember-“we are all in this together”.

And it seems that Chivalry is actually 'benevolent sexism'

A group of feminist psychologists are trying to ensure that chivalry is dead, concluding that a man who helps his wife with her heavy shopping is actually guilty of "benevolent sexism".

The researchers created a list of such damaging acts as: helping a woman to choose the right computer, calling a group of both men and women "guys" and offering to do the driving on a long distance journey.

Even men who think they are expressing affection might be guilty - the scientists said calling a woman a "chick", showering her with unwanted affection or saying that you cannot live without her could also be sexist.

The researchers, from the feminist Society for the Psychology of Women, which is based in Washington DC, said there were many acts of unnoticed sexism taking place every day through acts or comments that suggested women could not cope without men's help.

They said the victims might be unaware of the damage but the acts were helping to create a culture of women being seen as the vulnerable sex and encouraging inequality and injustice.

The study concluded that both men and women were "not aware of the overall prevalence and extent of sexism in their personal lives".

What a load of old bollocks...

Over the wet thing to the left

"One man's junk is another man's treasure," goes an old proverb. That's certainly true for one north-western Pennsylvania man: His creative instincts have turned his front yard into a veritable open-air gallery of junkyard art.

"When I was a kid, I saw a jeep with two front ends on it [on display] and thought, 'When I grow up, I'll do the same thing.' So, I did," Dick Schaefer told AOL Weird News. "It started out with a two-faced car, but I still haven't grown up yet."

Schaefer is a retired automotive dismantler who has been turning trash into treasure for as long as he can remember. Most of his sculptures were fashioned from scrap metal he handpicked from his brother's junk yard. Today, many of those same sculptures dot the landscape of his front yard on Hershey Road in Erie. 

Must remember to take Erie out of the GPS.

Up a bit

Nichole Dextras is an artist in Vancouver, B.C., who is showing that left over leaves and plants can be a fertile ground for the imagination.

For the past six years, she has taken the native plants of the Pacific Northwest and turned them into elaborate dresses she calls "Weedrobes."

The dresses are beautiful, but Dextras has more than a pretty picture in mind. Her plant-based apparel is designed to confront important environmental concerns.

"I've had an ongoing interest in environmental art, and working in the theatre as a clothes designer opened me up to the idea that the way people dress affects their psychology," Dextras told AOL Weird News. "I want these dresses to open a dialogue to people about where their clothes come from."

 

If you buy one remember to take a can of insecticide with you when you go out.

Dahn to the windy city

Ilona Sales and Wanda Lupina both say they ended up bruised in a tussle when Sales turned the heat up to 68 degrees.

Lupina turned the heat down one degree, to 67, and that's when the trouble started, the Chicago Tribune reported Sunday.

Lupina claims Sales then punched her, pulled her hair and knocked her to the ground. Sales has been charged with misdemeanour battery and a court date was set for Monday afternoon in Joliet.

Sales' attorney, Steve Haney, told The Associated Press on Sunday that Sales never knocked her sister to the ground. Sales alleges that Lupina started the fight and left her with bruised arms.

Haney called it "an instantaneous cat fight that last 15 to 20 seconds."

It apparently was the last straw. Now Sales wants to move out and has filed a civil lawsuit over their home.

Sibling warmth.....

And finally:

 How to save money on petrol

Police in Germany were stunned when they pulled over a white van - and found a car parked on its side in the back.

Two men from Kazakhstan had decided to save on a trailer cost after snapping up the silver Mazda 626 to ship back home.

When the car didn't fit in the van the proper way up - the two men called a few pals and loaded it in on its side - putting a mattress underneath to stop the doors getting scratched.

The trip back home for Konstanty Krol, 38, and Cezar Chmielewski, 28, came to an end when police stopped the heavily laden vehicle after seeing it lurching from side to side in Bargthheide, Germany.

Konstanty told the German Herald newspaper: "I don't know why we were stopped - we had taken great care to get the car into the van. It was safe - we hadn't noticed any problems.

Mechanical Numptys....

 That’s it: I’m orf to count Exoplanets.

 And today’s thought: Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.

 Angus

Out of energy: Still in the nineties: White Tips of St Ives: Chinese Tin man: Numpty Knight: and a steaming idiot.

Splendiferous start to the day at the Castle this morn, sunny, warm and calm, the kitchen is empty of any sort of ailing difference machines, the strawberries are ripe for the picking and his majesty has discovered the garden.

My lovely young lady is due at nine of the am to shear what is left of my locks, the Honda has been washed clean by the exuberant sky water and I don’t need to schlep around with the watering can.

Does it get any better than this......

And my friend Bernard over at The Organ Grinders Monkey in response to my request for a free classic car.

Sent me this:

Found these for you.

Not sure if they are what you require, but they might have a few miles left in them?

David Cameron: Mazda MX5.
Slick, snappy U-turns, doesn't sell well in the North

Nick Clegg: DeLorean DMC.
Once wanted by all. Now, loved by only a handful of collectors

Chris Huhne: Bugatti Veyron.
Top speed 253mph, fast enough to dodge M11 cameras

Ed Miliband: Toyota Prius.
Very right-on, and not bad-looking. But no acceleration, or drive. At its best when parked.

Yvette Cooper: Golf GTI.
Looks bland, but isn't. Manoeuvrable, durable, loads of horsepower. Don't bet against her".

Ed Balls: Lamborghini Cheetah:
Big, horrible to look at, wastes fuel likes it's going out of fashion, clunky and able to bulldoze its way through anything in its path. Unloved.

John Prescott- a LADA.
Out of date, bulky, cannot turn easily, wasteful but surprisingly attractive to some, simple to understand because of their simplicity and always seem to be around

Says it all I think.

According to “energiser” Chris Huhne.

Consumers should vote with their feet and switch to a different supplier if their power company raises its charges.

Mr Huhne said people did not have to take price increases "lying down".

He urged people to hit firms "where it hurts" by finding a cheaper supplier.

Yeah right; another tosser living in La-la land, it takes quite a few weeks to switch, and by the time the deal is done the supplier you have switched to ups its prices.

Apparently the TUC has found out that

Low and middle income earners have been in a livelihood crisis for three decades.

Over the last 30 years low and median incomes rose by 27 and 56% respectively despite the UK economy doubling in size.

The Trades Union Congress (TUC) report, Britain's Livelihood Crisis, has claimed that only an unsustainable rise in personal debt held off the effects of the crisis before the recession struck.

Report author Stewart Lansley said: "Up to a third of those of working age are facing a deepening livelihood crisis, one which has brought weakening job opportunities, low living standards and a range of new economic uncertainties compared with the immediate post-war decades.

No shit......

Dahn in the Tourist Tax County

A fisherman out on the water has said he was nearly toppled from his wooden boat by a man eating shark.

The angler was out looking for mackerel a mile off the coast of St Ives, when suddenly his boat was rammed by the 7ft fish.

As it swam away – passing another boat – he identified it as an oceanic white tip, a shark famed for feeding frenzies around shipwrecks and plane crashes.

While the prospect of this killing machine swimming around our coast sounds terrifying, before any one flees the water, experts are already pouring cold water on the reports.

They claim the shark, normally found in tropical waters, has never been seen this far north – and even if it has entered our waters it will be virtually comatose by the cold.

Nevertheless the fisherman are adamant.

Why would a man eat a shark a mile out into the sea?

East lots and lots

A Chinese man stunned his colleagues by walking into the company wearing a set of Iron Man armour he made at home, in Shanghai.

Wang Kang, 25, who works for a leading telecoms company, donned the 50kg Iron Man armour around his workplace before walking out to the public area for a demonstration.

"No colleagues knew my mission, and some of them froze as I approached, and some were even screaming," explained Wang

Wang walked along the company corridors and visited different departments. Each time he visited an office, there would be a larger crowd following him around.

Wang revealed that since wearing the Iron Man armour, women have even sent him messages, asking to be his girlfriend. Wang beamed: "They said I am a happy and creative man, and they wanted to know me."

The main material of the armour is EVA foam, which is glued onto an aluminium frame. Soldering irons were used to make the effect of rough iron plate edges. The whole armour was painted the colour of aged iron and took three months in total to create.

After the frame and the glued 'iron' plates were completed, Wang then installed wires, pipes and circuits into the impressive armour.

Whatever floats your boat I suppose?

West a fair amount to the land of plumbers

A would-be knight who tried to woo a maiden by riding into her home on a horse is facing five years behind bars for aggravated breaking and entry.

Lovelorn Jan Rudnicki, 40, hatched the scheme to bowl over divorcee Gosia Domoslawska after a night's drinking down his local bar in Jarnoltowka, Poland.

But terrified Gosia, 36, dialled 999 when her drunken suitor - stripped to the waist - galloped up her garden path and smashed his way through the front door like a battering ram.

"He's a loon. I was at home watching TV with my daughter when I heard this deafening crash and suddenly this half-naked man on a horse appeared in my front room," she said.

"I never fancied him before and I certainly don't now. If this was supposed to win my heart he must be seriously off his rocker," added Gosia.

You think....

And finally;

West even more and up a touch

A man who allegedly took a steamroller on a joyride in Sudbury Ontario had to be rushed to hospital after he became pinned beneath the machinery.

Police were called around 3:20 a.m. Sunday after received reports a man's ankle was under a steamroller and he was pinned. He was taken to hospital with a serious leg injury.

Police said the man had allegedly taken the steamroller for a joyride and lost control, the steamroller tipping over on him.

Police said alcohol was a factor.

The man is facing charges of theft and impaired driving. An investigation is underway.

Well at least it was a rollover for him this week.

That’s it: I’m orf to check out my asteroids.

And today’s thought: On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key.

Angus