Three core Cable backs down: May-be May-be not: Holy pizza: Hop it with a fine: Dead Alien isn’t: and Fuelling a Numpty.

Yesterday’s meteorology didn’t turn out too well, it was cloudy for most of the day and cool-ish, but it did allow me to mow the grass, hedge the hedges, border the borders and shrub a few shrubs.

But today is spiffing at the Castle this morn, which will allow me to do sod all and just sit in the garden admiring my handiwork, apparently today is “Good Friday”, which didn’t turn out too well for JC, and as a sop to those who believe in such things it appears that “himself” has made a second coming on a Pizza which you can’t own by bidding on Ebay, because it has been snapped up for AU $153.

Each to his own…..slice.

Three Core Vince Cable has decided that he will stay in the Coalition Sideboard as “Business Secretary” After openly attacking the prime minister's stance on immigration and appearing alongside Mr Miliband, former Labour home secretary Alan Johnson, Green London Assembly member Darren Johnson and union leader Billy Hayes.

Not all good news then…..

And Theresa May has insisted she will not take in any of the migrants fleeing turmoil in northern Africa as concerns grow that they could head for UK shores.

The Home Secretary has told her EU counterparts that Britain is not prepared to join any “burden sharing” as tens of thousands of people cross in to Europe, The Daily Telegraph can disclose.

Italy, where the refugees are arriving on a daily basis, has urged its EU partners to help ease the pressure by accepting some of the migrants.

But at a meeting of her justice and home affairs counterparts last week Mrs May said Britain will only offer support to Italy to help deal with the issue there.

She will repeat her firm stance when the EU Justice and Home Affairs Council meet again next month.

Yeah right….why is it that I don’t believe anything the members of the Coalition Millionaires Club says?

Up North

A disabled man was given a £70 parking ticket after he pulled his car over because his false leg had fallen off.

Lee Scarrott, 47, had stopped his car to search for a suction cup that came off just before he drove away.

But he returned to find himself hit with the fine.

Mr Scarrott, who lost his right leg in a motorbike ­accident in 2007, said: “I was only gone for five minutes.”

Nottingham City Council initially rejected his appeal, but backed down when he threatened to go to the Traffic Penalty Tribunal

He will probably be targeted by the Dept of Witless Pillocks now; after all he could work as a one legged arse kicker…

Over to the cold bit of Europe

A video of the find shot by Timur Hilall, 18, and Kirill Vlasov, 19 - supposedly showing the alien's mangled body frozen in snow in Irkutsk, Siberia - became a world-wide sensation after appearing on YouTube.

Now the pair has admitted it was a prank after being quizzed by police over the stunt.

A Russian interior ministry spokesman said: 'We found the alien in one of the student's homes.

'It was lying under his bed and an examination of it revealed it had been made of bread crumbs which were then covered in chicken skin.'

Chicken shit Alien?

And finally:

Numpty-ism is a world wide affliction

Police say a Connecticut man poured about $200 worth of gasoline onto a city street then went to a scrap metal yard and tried to sell the empty container worth $60.

Emilio Valentine of Bridgeport was charged Tuesday with illegally dumping hazardous material. He was released on a promise to appear in court.

Stephen Scholz of PC Metals tells The Connecticut Post that the 52-year-old Valentine dumped the fuel as he was driving and the metal container was still dripping when he pulled into the scrap yard. Scholz told Valentine to leave.

Police say Valentine admitted dumping the gas only after failing in efforts to sell it.

The state Department of Environmental Protection cleaned up the mess.

A number for Valentine couldn’t be located.

Thank what’s his name for idiots.

That’s it: I’m orf to have a frack.

And today’s thought: "A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it is written on". - Sam Goldwyn.

Angus

The Sunday Section

Waste of a good drive; Nu Labour in the doo again; Second time unlucky; Explosive Numpty and Sydney Harbour breakfast.






An extra hour in bed, yeah right! Problem is no one told my bleeding cat that the clocks went back and she woke me up at 5 am for her food.

There I was Bribbling away when she let loose, volume akin to Concorde taking off with the afterburners on full, this is the only cat that has been evicted from the vets for noise.

Being totally deaf she doesn’t know the neurological damage that she causes to the unwary with her screams and my ear was only four inches away from the font of all noise.

Roll on British Summer Time.



First up:

Marathon OZ Golf course

The Nullarbor Links will test the patience and stamina of everyone who plays it - because it stretches along 850 miles between Ceduna and Kalgoorlie.

The holes are positioned near petrol stations and motels along the mostly deserted and featureless highway.

Few people bother to stop unless they have to; tourism officials hope there are now 18 more reasons to do so.
But if you like to play your golf on carefully-manicured greens and pristine fairways, this course is not for you.

There is hardly any grass, just dirt and stones. The greens and tees are artificial, and some aren't even green. Because of a lack of water for irrigation, some putting surfaces are made from sand mixed with diesel.

Alfie Caputo, the course's project manager, acknowledges it's hardly in pristine condition.

He says the world is full of courses like that, but his is different.

"I think people are looking for an adventure, and an experience," he said.

"This is the real Australia, it really is. They'll never play anything like this anywhere in the world."

And as they've had 1.7 million hits on their website, it would suggest that there's been huge international interest in the new course.

You have to be really desperate to get away from the wife to play this one.

Let em in

Labour ministers deliberately encouraged mass immigration to diversify Britain over the past decade, a former Downing Street adviser has claimed.

Andrew Neather said the mass influx of migrant workers seen in recent years was not the result of a mistake or miscalculation but rather a policy the party preferred not to reveal to its core voters.

He said the strategy was intended to fill gaps in the labour market and make the UK more multicultural, at the same time as scoring political points against the Opposition.

Mr Neather worked as a speechwriter for Tony Blair and in the Home Office for Jack Straw and David Blunkett.

"Mass migration was the way that the Government was going to make the UK truly multicultural," he wrote in the London Evening Standard.

"I remember coming away from some discussions with the clear sense that the policy was intended - even if it wasn't its main purpose - to rub the Right's nose in diversity and render their arguments out of date."

On the BBC's Question Time programme, Jack Straw faced questions about whether the policy has played a part in the rise in popularity of the BNP.

Still when “Tone” is president of the EU maybe he will reverse it.

Time to move

Over the pond and up a bit: A northside home was damaged for the second time in three years by a vehicle early yesterday when a woman in her 70s lost control of her truck and slammed into the house.

Police believe she suffered a "medical event" before the accident, a police spokesman said.

The woman was driving near 94 Street and 142 Avenue around 9 a.m. when she skidded across two front lawns and ploughed into the living room of Don and Dorene Whitworths' house.

The accident ripped off an entire corner of the home, leaving a gaping 2.5-metre tall hole.

The woman was taken to hospital with minor injuries, police say.

As startling as it might have been to wake up to a "kaboom," the most shocking part of the accident was it wasn't the first time it happened, said Don.

Around three years ago a woman trying to park her vehicle alongside the street backed into a decorative planter attached to the front of the house.

This time around, said Don, "I thought a bomb hit the house. Everything shook."

The impact rattled the home so hard, the attic door flew open, spewing insulation, he added.

The couple was still in bed after an early morning trip to the airport to drop off their son when the woman hit their home.

Don immediately shot out of bed to get his shoes and go outside to see what happened while Dorene went to investigate in the living room.


"The wind was blowing through the curtains and I heard a truck motor," Dorene said, while a construction crew filed in and out of the living room.

"I thought, 'Oh no, not again.' "

Meanwhile, Don was outside where he saw the woman trapped in the truck.

He ran to get some wire cutters, fearing the overturned and still-running vehicle would spark a fire.

But by the time he returned to the truck, ambulances and police had arrived on scene.

"They had to get the roof off the truck to get the woman out," he said.

The couple are the only people who have ever lived in the house, which was built around 1970. After the remnants of the first accident took months to repair, they worried this time around it would be the same.

Roll on 2012 then.

Brain dead banger

Also from over the pond: This South Carolina Numptys good intentions defy belief.

After the man's uncle died, he discovered that his relative had collected explosive materials including grenades, dynamite and black powder.

The man, fearing that the materials might fall into the wrong hands (his), drove 80 miles to his uncle's house and loaded his truck with some of the items. Then he drove back to his home county of Union on Wednesday to give the materials to police.

Union County Sheriff David Taylor says the man brought the items to him because the two know each other.

Taylor says deputies closed off several streets and called the bomb squad when they learned about the items. The materials were later destroyed.

No ‘charges’ are expected.


And finally:

Thanks for rubbing it in OZ

Thousands sat down to breakfast on the Sydney Harbour Bridge on Sunday after the iconic structure was closed to traffic and carpeted with grass for the first time for a giant picnic.

About 6,000 early risers were on the steel bridge from 6:30 am to take part in the two-hour event designed to showcase Sydney's best food and outdoor lifestyle.

As accordion players and trumpeters provided the background music, those who had won tickets to the picnic in a random lottery munched on fruit, pastries, muesli, yoghurt, and the staple Australian breakfast spread Vegemite.

"It's amazing to see the bridge in this perspective," said Sydneysider Don Fuchs of the structure which is used by about 100,000 cars daily.

"Usually you sit in the car, you cross it, and that's it."

"It was beautiful," said Linda Curnow who attended the picnic with her family. "The grass was so thick it was like being in your back yard."

New South Wales state Premier Nathan Rees said the event was set to become an annual feature of Sydney's month-long October food festival.

About 45,000 people applied for tickets to the breakfast for which people brought their own food but were able to taste samples from some of the state's best producers.

"I don't think we were ever doubtful of the success of this event today," a government spokesman told AFP. "It was a unique world first for this iconic attraction. This type of event typifies the Australian personality."

Organisers are planning to use about 40 percent of the grass on Sydney parks.

The bridge was due to reopen at about 1:00 pm.

I was going to go but this extra hour thing made it impossible, and my breakfast would probably be cold by the time I got there.


Angus

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