U-Turn Cam-Hypocrite: Charity begins at Domino’s: Corpse Medicine: Dumb Mutt: Beer and Rabbits: and the priciest petrol.

‘Tis a stonking start to the day at the Castle this Saturday morn, sunny, calm, warmish but still no sign of wet stuff from above.

I spent several hours in the grounds hedging, mowing, shrubbing, bordering and vandalising yesterday, and I am knackered, I ache in places I didn’t know I had and vital bits have lost all sense of feeling.

Who said gardening was relaxing?

It seems that U-Turn Cam is a touch hypocritical

While people are dying in Bahrain as the Saudi-backed Al-Khalifa dynasty continued to clamp down on protesters demanding a better life.

In dear old Blighty U-Turn Cam was welcoming Bahrain's Crown Prince, Sheikh Salman bin Hamad al-Khalifa with a nice warm handshake.

Until the wave of demonstrations began, British firms were supplying Bahrain with assault rifles, sub-machine guns, shotguns, sniper rifles, hand grenades, smoke ammunition, stun grenades, and tear gas. In 2009-10, arms sales totalled £6.4m. In February the Foreign Office hastily revoked 44 individual or open licences for arms sales.  

Apparently it seems that as far as the Piss Poor Policies Coalition is concerned the customer is always right-no matter whom they are.

Another cunning plan from the Piss Poor Policies Coalition

Is that Restaurants and shops will be urged to round up customers' bills to the nearest pound and give the increases to charity under new plans to bolster David Cameron's Big Society.

The plans include promoting technology that allows customers to make small donations to charity when they use a credit or debit card. Banks will also offer customers the option to donate to charity at cash points.

A White Paper on Monday will set out plans for charitable donations and volunteering to become a "social norm". Ministers will announce a "Round Pound" initiative aimed at encouraging people to make donations using the payment cards that are rapidly replacing cash for many purchases.

A working party of major retailers, banks and charities will be set up to explore ways of making "micro-donation" a part of everyday life.  

Here is an even more cunning plan-get us out of the EU and cancel the billions in “overseas aid” and give a percentage of the dosh saved to charities-sorted.

According to Dr Richard Sugg of Durham University

British royalty dined on human flesh, the well-off and well educated in Britain and Europe swallowed parts of the human body, including its flesh, blood and bones, as medicine right up until the end of the 18th century it is claimed.

Even as they denounced the barbaric cannibals of the New World, they applied, drank, or wore powdered Egyptian mummy, human fat, flesh, bone, blood, brains and skin.

He said “One thing we are rarely taught at school yet is evidenced in literary and historic texts of the time is this: James I refused corpse medicine; Charles II made his own corpse medicine; and Charles I was made into corpse medicine.”

"Along with Charles II, eminent users or prescribers included Francis I, Elizabeth I's surgeon John Banister, Elizabeth Grey, countess of Kent, Robert Boyle, Thomas Willis, William III, and Queen Mary."

Which does explain the lack of humanity in the “upper crust”.

Over the whatnot to the left and up a bit

A bungling beagle has been branded the world's worst hunting dog after failing to spot a fox trotting along behind him.

The hapless hound had strayed too close to a den containing four cute fox cubs.

But their protective parents were not going to be hounded out without standing their ground.

The foxes shot off through the undergrowth to confront the hound, but, amazingly, the male fox ended up behind the dog.

Naturalist and photographer Mircea Costina captured the scene in a forest north of Montreal, Canada.

The Dog’s bollocks?

Dahn Unda and right a bit

A New Zealand bar has come up with a novel idea to help with central Otago's rabbit plague - half-priced jugs of beer for four dead rabbits.

Bullock Bar manager Margo Johnston said the promotion at the weekend was not only to reduce the rabbit numbers, but also because the New Zealand Warriors were playing the Sydney Rabbitohs in a rugby league match in Auckland on Sunday.

'Hopefully it will eradicate a few rabbits from Central Otago farmland,' she told The Southland Times.

The dead rabbits are expected to be turned into dog food. 

Really bright idea-that’s all you need a load of pissed “hunters” with shotguns…….

And finally: 

The Worlds dearest petrol.

London-£1.35

Amsterdam-£1.36

Brussels-£1.39

Stockholm-£1.39

Copenhagen-£1.43

Monaco-£1.44

Athens-£1.44

Oslo-£1.58

Asmara-£1.64

And: Istanbul-£1.65.

Bet that makes you feel better…….

That’s it: I’m orf to prepare for Doomsday.

And today’s thought: “Don't wake me for the end of the world unless it has very good special effects”.

Angus

Liam Fox in La-La land: The Caring, sharing state of Blighty: Capping it off in Quebec: Insurance orgy: Planks at Woolies: and The Fish Slapping Dance.

‘Tis bright, sunny, calm and cold at the Castle this morn, I intend to do a bit of gardening later; or maybe not.

The new resident is a total loony, but there is the occasional respite.

According to Defence Secretary Liam Fox

 The UK will remain in the "Premier League of military powers" despite cuts to the armed forces.

Tackling the crisis in the public finances was, he said, not just a matter of economics but an issue of national security.

"It is central to sustaining, in the long term, Britain's reach, military power and influence," he said.

"Relative economic power is the wellspring of strategic strength. Conversely, economic weakness debilitates every arm of government.

"Structural economic weakness, if not dealt with, will bring an unavoidable reduction in our ability to shape the world." 

So when is the Piss Poor Coalition going to start then?

Still our dry and pleasant land

A disabled man who is supposedly being protected by the courts was wandering homeless yesterday after bailiffs used sledge-hammers to evict him from his home.

Lee Gilliland, 42, said that had no warning of their arrival, because a court has ruled that he is not competent to look after himself.

When The Independent tracked him down, he was in a Bristol cattery, trying to arrange a safe home for his four cats, having no idea where he would be spending the night.

His case has been taken up by the campaigning Lib Dem MP, John Hemming, who says that it illustrates serious flaws in the way the legal system deals with people who are judged to be unable to manage their own affairs.

Mr Gilliland has been told that the Official Solicitor is handling his affairs, but claims that no one representing the Official Solicitor warned him that bailiffs from the High Court were coming to evict him.

“They came at about 10 this morning with sledge hammers, and smashed out the windows and doors,” he said. “I was in the back room downstairs pleading with them through the wall, but they just smashed the door open.

“I had no warning whatsoever. About 20 people just turned up, including police and fire engines with ladders.

Mr Gilliland’s case follows a series of Court of Protection cases in which judges have been asked to rule on whether individuals have the mental capacity to look after their own interests. Mr Gilliland says that he was never shown the medical report on which his judgement was based.

He added: “They say I lack mental capacity, so everything that has been done has been through the Official Solicitor – but he has never contacted me, because as far as he is concerned, I’m comatose. You can form your own opinion on that.”

Mr Gilliland's solicitor was not available for comment yesterday. A spokesman for the Official Solicitor said: "We do not comment on individual cases."  

Justice of the Coalition Millionaires Club, and Old Fart Ken Clarke.

Across the big wet thing to the left. And up a bit

Police in Quebec City have seized more than 3,000 counterfeit hubcaps.

The RCMP announced Wednesday officers searched an auto parts business and two warehouses to find the fake hubcaps, which had well-known trademarks on them such as Cadillac, Audi, BMW, Volkswagen and GM.

Four men were arrested and charges are pending, police said.

"The illegal production and sale of counterfeit goods account for losses of several million dollars annually. Counterfeit goods can pose health and safety risks to the public. The RCMP invites consumers to make the right choices to prevent the harm caused by such criminal activity," the police said in a release.  

That about caps it off. 

Right lots and lots of thingy’s

A German insurance company rewarded its best salesmen by organising an orgy with prostitutes in a renowned Hungarian spa, the company said.

About 100 top salesmen had been invited to the orgy, which featured numerous scantily clad hostesses and about 20 prostitutes, Ergo insurance spokesman Alexander Becker said.

The event organised by one of its divisions in Budapest's art nouveau Gellert Baths represented a clear violation of the company's values, he stressed.

"All measures have been taken to prevent a repeat of such an event," Mr Becker said.

Those responsible for the June 2007 event - dubbed an "incentive trip" - have left the company, he added.

Prostitution is legal in Hungary and Germany.

Ergo insurance belongs to Munich Re, one of the world's biggest reinsurance companies, in which US billionaire Warren Buffet's investment firm Berkshire Hathaway holds a 10 per cent stake.

Ergo's board of directors only learned about the orgy when those responsible for it had already left the company, Mr Becker said. He could not specify since when the board was briefed on the orgy.

Probably annoyed they didn’t get invited.

Dahn Unda

Planking is sweeping Australia and has left one man dead. Now major retailers are cracking down on planking, sacking workers who get busted performing the dangerous manoeuvre on the job.

Woolworths has axed eight employees across three states this week for planking, which involves lying flat and face-down on top of an object and being photographed - on top of meat grinders, display shelves, trolleys and stacks of milk crates - then boasting about it online.

In southern NSW, the manager and assistant manager of a Dick Smith electronics outlet - owned by Woolworths - were shown the door after the company discovered they had planked on a 2m-high shelving unit. In northern NSW, three Woolworths night fill workers were sacked for planking on top of trolleys and display units. Two Woolworths meat department employees were also dismissed for planking on a mincing machine in Victoria, while a Queensland casual worker was sacked for planking on a pile of milk crates.

Benedict Brook from Woolworths said the planking was putting customers and employees at risk

Funny that, I thought that Woolworths only employed planks……

And finally:

With the cost of food so high, here is a You Tube snippet.

That’s it: I’m orf to find some Dark Energy.

And today’s thought: Do people in Australia call the rest of the world "up over"?

Angus

Sack the troops-build a new Trident: Fare’s fare: Stormy Hobbits: Quietly doesn’t do it: Castle in the air: and Judgement Day.

Dry, calm and sunny at the Castle this morn, unlike yesterday when there was endless amounts of dreary drizzle which got into every nook, cranny and fold.

No broken computers for the next few days I need to fettle the garden-once it has dried out. 

I will ignore Old Fart Ken Clarke and his inane comments on rape, not unexpected; he should have taken his morning nap, or better still handed in his resignation a year ago.

But the Piss Poor Policies Coalition

Which is cutting billions from welfare, the NHS, Police, public services and the armed forces has managed to open U-Turn Cam’s secret draw and find a few billion to start the process of replacing Trident.

In the first phase, the specialised steel to build the submarines and propulsions systems will be ordered.

This procurement will cost about £3bn, out of a total estimated cost for replacing Trident of up to £20bn. 

Wonder which country will get the contracts?

Philip Hammond, the Transport Secretary

Is going to “reform” rail fares, the cost of some peak time rail travel could fall under the biggest shake up of train ticket pricing in a generation.

But at the same time, the price of journeys just outside the rush hour are set to rise following a sweeping review of fare structure to be announced.

The proposed changes are intended to be “revenue neutral” with the amount raised from higher off peak fares being balanced by the reductions in the price of some rush hour tickets.

These changes are most likely to apply to fares charged to passengers who make occasional trips to and between major cities.

Other initiatives are being considered for commuters including the introduction of “smart season tickets” which, like the Oyster Card in London, would offer discounts for travelling outside the rush hour.

Unlike current season tickets, passengers would not be charged for days in which they do not travel.

The review will also aim to simplify the current fare arrangements, which have left passengers baffled.

Yeah right, so those in work will pay a bit less and the old, unemployed and families will pay a lot more-I see “we” are still “all in this together”.

Over in Hungary

Messages broadcast yesterday mostly on state radio and TV warned Hungarians about floods and catastrophic weather in Gondor, Rivendell, Helm's Deep and other locations inhabited by hobbits, orcs, elves and dwarfs.

Officials said they didn't want to alarm people by mentioning real locations and wanted to gauge how effectively the messages reached young people.

Bet Gandalf is a bit pissed off.

Meanwhile over in the colonies

Lakeysha Beard was speaking loudly on her mobile phone for 16 hours on the journey between Oakland, California, and Portland, Oregon.

It seems passengers complained to train staff about Beard's chattering, but time and time again the 39-year-old chose to ignore requests for her to be quiet.

Beard is then said to have been involved with a 'verbal altercation', resulting in workers for train operator Amtrak calling police to come and remove her.

The train was called to a halt at a crossing just outside Salem, Oregon, where cops boarded to remove the talkative traveller. She has now been charged with disorderly conduct.

 And treated for verbal Diahorrea.

Still in the tame west

Some Tucson parents had just a few seconds to react and move children away from a bouncy castle as a dust devil approached and lifted it in the air.

Camera phone video shows the castle in the air and whipping around violently last Friday at a Tucson park.

A fire department spokeswoman said Monday that 6 children had minor injuries from flying debris that included ice chests, part of an air compressor and a stroller. 

Good job the Angus Castle is tethered…..

And finally: 

Heads between your legs and kiss your arse goodbye.

According to the president of US conservative group Family Radio the world is going to end on Saturday.

Billboards advertising our impending doom boldly claim that the "Bible guarantees" destruction this weekend.

Mr Camping said that the beginning of the end will start with an earthquake; and that while believers will be instantly raptured; those dismissive of his claims will face five months of misery on Earth before the end of the world in October.

He said: "On May 21, there's going to be a terrific earthquake way, way greater than anything else the Earth has ever experienced and that will be the beginning of Judgment Day.

"The rest of the world will know instantly that Judgment Day has begun because all of the earthquake sensors will pick that up instantly."

Mr Camping said that he determined May 21 as the Day of Judgment after calculating various dates from past biblical events, starting with the great flood, that he believed, happened in 4990 BC.

It is not the first time that the minister has made an apocalyptic prediction. He has previously claimed the world would end in 1994, but puts this error down to a miscalculation.

 Oh well: Maybe third time lucky.

That’s it: I’m orf to check out Higgs Boson.

And today’s thought: "All you have to do is go down to the bottom of your swimming pool and hold your breath." - David Miller, US DOE spokesperson, on protecting yourself from nuclear radiation.

Angus

Aid the world: Freedom!-sort of: Hide and seek in Hubei: Cheeky Tat: Dwarf Star-Bucks: and Illegal Bologna.

Darkish, coldish and dryish at the Castle this morn, I have cleared the kitchen of mistreated computers and am going to take a few days off.

The garden still needs fettling and the water carrier has resigned.

I see that the row over overseas aid staggers on

Apparently it is now called “International Development” and costs us £8 billion a year which will rise to £11 billion fairly soon. 

So how big is the deficit now?

And here is a list of twenty of the things you can do to improve your community without being sued-according to the Piss Poor Policies Coalition.

1 Put a plaster on a child’s cut

2 Develop a community organisation or social enterprise using easily available guidance without needing a health and safety adviser

3 Operate a safe working environment without requiring annual PAT tests

4 Put up hanging baskets

5 Hold a pancake race

6 Develop exciting and challenging playgrounds

7 Use bunting or flags at events

8 Support a voluntary organisation that works with children and vulnerable adults without a CRB check unless you have “frequent and intensive” contact with them

9 Clear snow from the footpath

10 Offer to become a trustee of a local charity

11 Hold local fundraising events for good causes

12 Support your community and gain skills if you are on benefits

13 Help with teaching reading at school

14 Help at school sports day

15 Play conkers without wearing goggles

16 Wear goggles in swimming lessons

17 Take photographs of your children at a school play

18 Use your business skills to support a local organisation

19 Organise a village fete

20 Offer meeting space in your offices to a local community group

 How exciting…..

East a lot to China

This little lad had to be rescued by firefighters after getting stuck in an 15inch gap between two walls.

He was trapped for three hours after a game of hide and seek with friends went wrong in central China's Hubei Province.

Ah the joys of childhood.

Still in the Orient

A patient is refusing to leave hospital in China after claiming medical staff tattooed his backside during surgery.

Sheng Xianhui, 34, of Kunming, southwest China's Yunnan Province, claims two Chinese characters were tattooed on his right buttock.

He claims the tattoo - which translates as 'Stone Disease' - was given to him by staff at Yunnan Stone Disease Hospital after he had gall stones removed.

The hospital has now called police to try to evict Sheng - but he has welcomed the police involvement and asked them to investigate.

"I'm not leaving," he said. "I'm worried that if I go out for even half an hour, the hospital will claim I had the tattoo done outside.

The hospital denies the mark is a tattoo and says it could have been caused by an allergy to the hospital's bed sheets.

What a bummer…..

 Left even more

The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission is suing Starbucks for firing a dwarf who asked for a stool to perform her job as a barista at an El Paso shop.

An EEOC statement said the lawsuit was filed Monday in federal court in El Paso. It alleges that Starbucks fired Elsa Sallard after three days of training because it deemed she'd pose a danger to customers and coworkers. The EEOC contends Starbucks' actions violated the Americans With Disabilities Act.

The agency also seeks lost wages and compensatory damages for Sallard and a court order that Starbucks adopt policies to correct and prevent disability discrimination.

Starbucks said in a statement that their policies provide for equal employment opportunities and strictly prohibit discrimination on the basis of disability.

Think their HR dept needs a sort out.

 And finally: 

Down a bit

U.S. Customs and Border Protection officers at Santa Teresa seized 385 pounds of Mexican contraband bologna from behind the seat of a pickup that stopped at the port on Friday.

It's illegal to bring the bologna across the border because it's made of pork and has the potential to introduce foreign animal diseases into the U.S. pork industry.

The 33-year-old Mexican man who was transporting the meat was assessed a $1,000 fine and released.

Usually officers see one or two rolls of bologna -- not 35 as in this case. Officials say it was the largest bologna bust ever recorded at the Santa Teresa crossing.



Piggin bologna.



That’s it: I’m orf to visit Gliese 581d to see if the neighbours are in.



And today’s thought: Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery - Spike Milligan.



Angus

Who’s who does a “U” at number 10: Water stressed Blighty: We don’t want to live forever: Stephen Hawking-no heaven: Pencil sharpener museum: and the Owl and the Pussycat.

Quite sunny, warmish, calmish and still dry at the Castle this morn, no rain again for more than a couple of days, the lawn is reverting to a nice brown colour and the twice daily wetting of the pots, wall boxes and the borders continues.

The kitchen is overflowing with non computers and the new resident is settling in nicely.

Up in the house of horrors

Correspondence from Downing Street officials will no longer be signed with fake names, U-Turn Cam has said.

The policy change follows a complaint from Labour MP Sir Gerald Kaufman after he received a letter signed by "Mrs E Adams", only to be told it was a computer-generated pseudonym.

The use of false names on letters from No 10 began in 2005 in response to a security threat.

But the prime minister said this would "no longer" be the case.

In the Commons last week, Sir Gerald revealed how he had written to Mr Cameron at the request of a constituent and received a reply from 10 Downing Street signed "Mrs E Adams, direct communications unit".

In a written reply, the prime minister said: "Correspondence was handled under arrangements put in place in 2005 when on security advice, following an incident in which a member of staff was personally targeted and threatened; members of staff were advised not to use their names.

"After review this approach will no longer be used."

The non anonymous Gov.

Drought on the way

Caroline Spelman said that water companies’ drought preparations are being reviewed as several areas of the country are already “water stressed”.

She met with farm leaders yesterday who have warned the Government that this year’s food harvest will be earlier and the yield lower. The situation could force up food prices even higher, farming experts warned, with the price of vegetables particularly likely to be affected later this year.

According to the latest inflation figures from the Office for National Statistics, food prices are already 4 per cent higher than a year ago.

England and Wales has recorded the lowest rainfall in March and April since 1938 with the warmest spring in centuries. The water levels in some rivers are already being compared to those during the record drought of 1976.

In some eastern counties just 5mm of water has fallen since the end of February.

Last night, Mrs Spelman admitted that the dry weather has caused “irreversible” damage on agriculture but insisted “we don’t have a drought yet”.

But that won’t stop “Them” from putting the prices up.             

Four score years and ten

Only 15% of people would like to live forever and just 9% would like to live to more than 100, according to new research.

The most common age at which people would like to die is aged 81-90 (27%), with younger people more likely than older people to want to live forever, the study found.

Although most people think that talking about death is less of a taboo than it was 20 years ago, two thirds agree that people in Britain are uncomfortable discussing dying and death, the research commissioned by the Dying Matters Coalition found.

OH shit! Another thirty years to go……..

And according to Mr S Hawking

Heaven is a “fairy story for people afraid of the dark”.

The 69 year-old physicist, who was diagnosed with motor neurone disease at the age of 21, insisted that he is “not afraid of death”.

Shortly after being diagnosed with the incurable illness many expected the author of A Brief History of Time to die.

But he said it has instead led him to enjoy life more.

In an interview with The Guardian, ahead of key note speech on Tuesday, Prof Hawking discusses his thoughts on death.

He rejected the idea of life beyond death and emphasised, what he described as the need to fulfil our potential on Earth by making good use of our lives.

 

Easy for him to say, he sits about on his arse all day.

Over to Ohio

Tourism officials in the United States have made a display out of the thousands of pencil sharpeners collected by an Ohio minister who died last year.

The Reverend Paul Johnson kept his collection of 3400 sharpeners in a small shed he called his museum.

He started it after his wife gave him a few sharpeners as a gift in the late 1980s. He kept them organised in categories, including cats, Christmas and Disneyland. 

Can’t wait to visit that….. 

And finally:

Another YouTube snippet.

That’s it: I’m orf to study some Tarantulas-with a rolled up newspaper.

And today’s thought: "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any" - Alice Walker. 

Angus

Silly Billy’s empire grows: Be nice to Crims: Hamming it up in Italy: Paper milk bottle: and a bit more of Pippa.

‘Tis ‘orrible at the Castle this morn, dark, cloudy, windy and cold, the butler has had to snatch a few fat teenagers for the furnace and the phone started ringing early from users wanting their fix, the kitchen is prepared for the onslaught.

Silly Billy Hague is it seems sitting on an expanding worldwide property empire that is worth more than £2bn.

The number of properties owned by the FCO across the globe has risen to more than 2,300 – at a time when all government departments have been under severe pressure to cut costs.

Two years ago, Foreign Office mandarins threatened widespread sales of British embassies and official residences, as part of a crackdown on the costs of maintenance, staffing and expensive duties including official entertaining. In 2008-09 alone, the FCO sold over £60m-worth of property in 11 countries.

In spite of further warnings about large-scale sell-offs when the coalition came to power last May, the number of UK-owned properties has risen from 2,180 to 2,318 in the three years up to last September.

The value of FCO property in 126 countries around the world rose from £1.7bn to more than£2bn in the same period.

Do we get free hols in our properties?

Lawrence Sherman, professor of criminology at Cambridge University,

Thinks he knows how to cut both crime and the prison population. At a ‘fascinating’ talk at the think tank Civitas last week, he argued that prison is essential to protect the rest of us from hardened and violent criminals. But most prisoners aren't actually in that category: they're guilty of lots of relatively minor offences. And keeping them locked up is not the only way of reducing their criminal behaviour, merely the most expensive.

Instead of being sent to jail, Prof Sherman suggests that criminals in this group should be monitored by the police. When the cops catch them, it will often be better to offer them a deal than to prosecute: the police should tell the low-level criminal that if they go on a drug rehabilitation course, say, or get a job, or go for training, and stay out of trouble, they will not initiate the process of prosecution. If the criminal agrees, but is subsequently caught violating the terms of the deal, then the hammer comes down. But if he keeps his side of the bargain, nothing will happen.

Time will tell……

Over to the land of non earthquakes

Four people were hospitalised in Italy after a dispute over the thickness of a supermarket's ham slices turned violent.

The row broke out when a 50-year-old woman shopping in the Tuscany town of Livorno yesterday protested that the ham slices being cut by a counter assistant were too thick, ANSA news agency said in a report.

A scuffle unfolded involving the shop assistant's father as well as the woman's husband and two sons.

Police were called and three ambulances were also sent to the scene.

The shop assistant, the disgruntled ham shopper and her husband all suffered bruises and were treated in hospital.

The shopkeeper's father was also hospitalised after feeling ill, the news agency said.

Too thick? They should try shopping at Tesco, you can see through the slices there.

Up in Suffolk

Green Bottle, a tiny Suffolk-based company that has developed a green alternative to plastic bottles is in advanced talks with a consumer goods giant for a global deal to supply it with environmentally friendly detergent bottles – made out of paper.

The company currently has a deal to supply biodegradable paper milk bottles to 15 Asda stores as a precursor to a planned national roll-out with the supermarket chain later this year.

The bottles consist of a paper shell and an inner plastic liner that holds the liquid. While plastic bottles take an estimated 500 years to decompose and can be recycled just once, a Green Bottle paper shell will decompose in approximately five weeks. The paper casing can also be recycled up to five times or can be disposed of on a compost heap.

Spiffing, so how long does it take the plastic liner to decompose?

And finally:

A bit more of Pippa

The 27-year-old is enjoying a well-earned break in Spain with a gaggle of girlfriends, and old flame George Percy.

Must be terrible having to slum it like that.

That’s it: I’m orf to not to buy a Google laptop.

And today’s thought: "My shoes are size 2 and a 1/2, the same size as my feet" - Elaine Page.

Angus

U-Turn Cam on the NHS-again: let’s talk about the EU: Top Tomato: Bunny hop: Camero comes home: and the price of petrol.

Same again at the Castle this morn-sunny, cold and a bit windy, the kitchen is devoid of any fluffy computers and the garden needs fettling.

There is a new resident at the Castle, a nice young chap in need of a warm, comfortable, safe home, but as there weren’t any available he ended up here.

He is well mannered, quiet, tidy and eats what is put in front of him, his name is Oliver and he looks like this.

Here we go again!

I see that the Grave robbers have apparently found Lisa Gherardini Del Giocondo, the “model” for the Mona Lisa.

The crypt was found under the floor of the St Ursula convent in Florence after a foot of modern concrete was removed and unearthed a layer of ancient, 35 inch wide bricks.

Professor Vinceti yesterday said: "We are roughly where the altar stood and we have found not one crypt but two, one is older than the other and we believe that one of them is that of Lisa Gherardini.

"We are still a long way to go and we will have to work several more days before we actually reach the tomb and open it to recover the bones.

Leave the poor bloody woman alone.

U-turn Cam is at it again over the NHS

Allegedly he is to come out fighting over the NHS and insist that controversial health reforms will go ahead.

In a major speech on Monday, Dave the lad will say that the health service must change if it is to improve and avoid a future dogged by a succession of crises.

The address, in West London, will open up a major dividing line between the Conservatives and their Liberal Democrat coalition partners over the future of public services. Last weekend Nick Clegg, the Deputy Prime Minister, vowed to block NHS reforms unless they were substantially changed.

Wonder what Kick Me Nick’s chances are?

And apparently “We” want to talk about the EU

According to the Torygraph the voters want a debate on Europe's influence, and the Government should let them have it.

Don’t bother talking; just get us out……

Who’s been Google-ing Tomatoes?

The tomato is the UK's most Googled fruit, according to new research.

People are twice as likely to Google tomatoes as apples, which is the second most common searched-for fruit.

The review, by the World Cancer Research Fund (WCRF), found Google lists 53.6 million web pages mentioning tomatoes. Bananas and peaches are in joint third place on the Google search, followed by oranges.

Fascinating…..

Over to Austria

A driver who swerved to avoid a rabbit in the road made a splash landing when she sailed through a garden hedge into a swimming pool.

Martina Boller, 42, told police in Grafenwoerth, Austria, she'd braked and steered suddenly when she realised the bewildered bunny wasn't going to move.

One fire fighter said: 'She managed to land exactly in the pool which would have been quite a stunt if she'd meant to do it.

'Apart from being very wet and very embarrassed the driver was not hurt.'

The bunny escaped without getting wet.

Across to the US of A

A classic muscle car stolen from New Jersey's largest city nearly 36 years ago has been recovered on the other side of the country.

A Santa Maria, Calif., man bought the 1969 Chevy Camero SS from a seller on eBay in February. But Keith Williams tells KSBY-TV he contacted the California Highway Patrol after certain features of the car didn't match the model.

Police discovered the vehicle was stolen from Newark, N.J., on July 8, 1975.

The original owner, Janice Maffucci, told the TV station the car was stolen from the post office where her father worked. She can't believe the vehicle was recovered.

Maffucci says she plans to sell the car.

Police are tracing the registration in hopes of finding the thief.

Here’s an idea; why not give it back to the man who last bought it-I presume Ms Maffucci claimed on her insurance.

And finally:

Want cheap petrol?

Here are the places to go to:

10-Algiers-20p  per litre.

9-Muscat-20p per litre.

8-Cairo-19p per litre.

7-Doha-15p per litre.

6-Kuwait City-14p per litre.

5-Manama-13p per litre.

4-Ashgabat-12p per litre.

3-Tripoli-9p per litre.

2-Riyadh-8p per litre.

And number 1:

Caracas-3p per litre.

And just to piss us off:

UK-£1.37 per litre.

That’s it: I’m orf to have a look at the universe.

And today’s thought: "Food is an important part of a balanced diet." - Fran Lebowitz, US writer.

Angus