Flash dump choo choo: Glowing in the dark: Heads you win: Alice Springs scrapyard: M&S Tripoli: and a Pussy up a tree.

Coldish, cloudy and breezy at the Castle this morn, bit late today because for some strange reason after I gave my mac address to Orange my internet connection from Talk Talk has suddenly become unreliable and cuts orf when it wants to-odd that…. 

So a bit of a truncated post-just in case. 

If you live in the Southern Railway area it might be a good day

Thousands of train tickets will go on sale today for 50p each way, in the latest and biggest "flash sale" in the travel industry. The operator of Brighton-to-London trains, Southern Railway, which links London with Surrey, Sussex and Hampshire, is cutting all its advance fares by 90 per cent in a one-day online sale. 

Unless you use Talk Talk for your connection… 

Up in Kings Cliffe

Plans for low-level radioactive waste disposal to be allowed at a landfill site in Northamptonshire have been given the go-ahead by the government.

The decision for Kings Cliffe near Peterborough follows a two-year stand-off between the hazardous waste company Augean and campaigners.

Some 98% of people who voted in local referendums opposed the plans.

 So much for the Piss Poor Policies millionaires club “localism” thingy.

If you go across the sea to Ireland

A severed head alleged to belong to the patron saint of genital diseases will hit the auction block on Sunday.

Saint Vitalis of Assisi died 640 years ago, but the Italian Benedictine monk's encased head can now be yours.

Auctioneer Damien Matthews of Matthews Auction Rooms estimates the ancient skull could fetch up to $1,650.

The 14th-century Saint reportedly performed miracles for sufferers of bladder and genital diseases.

As a youngster, Vitalis was sexually promiscuous and immoral, so to relinquish his sins he went on pilgrimages in Italy and Europe. He then became a Benedictine monk and chose to live as a poverty-stricken hermit. His only possession was an old container to get water.

Matthews couldn't confirm it's actually the head of Saint Vitalis.

No…really? Sounds like a poxy lot to me……

Dahn Unda

The world's second aircraft storage facility will be set up on a site adjacent to the terminal at Alice Springs Airport.

The only other such site for ageing aircraft is a 1,000 hectare facility in Tucson, Arizona, known as The Boneyard.

Airport general manager Katie Cooper says a key for the selection of Alice Springs was the capacity to expand on the 110 hectare site set aside for the development.

Ms Cooper says Alice Springs not only has the perfect climate for the storage and preservation of aircraft but also a runway capable of catering for planes as big as an A-380.

"We have the ability to take that aircraft here," she said.

"We can have the ability to service all sorts of fleets, be it the smaller aircraft that the recreational or general aviation people use, right up to the very large commercial aircraft that are operated to do the long-haul sectors.

"There is a lot of scope for us to provide some great service."

 And a lot of pollution as well….

M&S soldiers on in Tripoli

The UK embassy is shut, the ambassador's residence has been destroyed, but the British stalwart of the high street is still open.

There is no logo in sight, just a white building with steps up.

A pair of chinos will set you back the equivalent of about £100 in Tripoli. They cost much less in the UK. 

No wonder their profits are so high….

And finally:

Back in Blighty

A cat has finally been rescued after surviving 12 days stuck up a 100-foot tree.

Bess, found herself out on a limb after being sent scrambling up the huge tree by a family of foxes.

Owner Gwen Russell-Jones began fearing the worst after she hadn't been seen for over a week.

But she refused to give up and continued her frantic hunt for the mischievous moggy.

Last Friday she spotted the hapless animal who she has looked after for two years since taking her in as a stray, perched dangerously high in the tree.

Without food and water for almost two weeks and having to battle strong winds and sweeping rain, Mrs Russell-Jones said she was relieved the horror ordeal would soon be over for Bess.

Tree surgeons Andrew Parrott and Craig Archer heard about Bess's dangerous plight and immediately raced to her rescue before she had to spend another night in the tree.

The pair, who work for Heart of England Tree Services, used their specialist equipment to scale the tree before abseiling to where Beth was perched.

A tin of cat food put her at ease then she was carefully put in a bag and lowered down.

 Bless Bess. Four lives left?

 That’s it: I’m orf to test my pussy on physics.

And today’s thought: "My friends, no matter how rough the road may be, we can and we will never, never surrender to what is right." - Dan Quayle

Angus

Three Core Cable in the Doo-again: iPod exam: Chinese puzzle: Russian Roswell: Blown up trucker: and Love it or hate it-but ban it?

A scrumptious start to the morn at the Castle this mid week day, sunny, calm, warmish and dry, the Talk Talk fiasco continues, I am awaiting delivery of my mac code which apparently takes five “working” days, then I can change over to orange.

Bit late this morn; probably has something to do with “entertaining” the new resident to prevent him from destroying the furniture and sundry wires scattered about the Castle.

Anyway, allegedly Three Core Vince Cable has upset his Tory masters yet again, this time by telling the Greeks that they would have to delay repaying some of their debts.

Downing Street quickly made it clear that the Liberal Democrat Business Secretary was not authorised to set out government policy on the Eurozone crisis.

In comments that left the Chancellor and No 10 privately seething, Mr Cable told a newspaper that Greece would have to change its commitments to the bondholders who have lent it money.

Some sort of “rescheduling” of the debt “will happen”, he said.

Mr Cable added: “What they are going to have to do is to have a rescheduling of their debt and it can be done in a soft way or a hard way, and that’s what the current debate is about.” 

Well done three core, and to be honest as we are not in the “Eurozone” who gives a Badger’s Bollocks?

North of the border

A schoolgirl has won the right to listen to an iPod while sitting her exams - after threatening to sue her school.

The Edinburgh pupil claimed listening to music helps her concentrate during exams, reports The Sun.

At first the sixth former's demand was rejected by Mary Erskine School and the Scottish Qualifications Authority.

But they were forced to back down after being threatened with legal action under the Equalities Act.

Teachers will load her favourite tracks on to a new iPod to ensure it doesn't contain study notes.

The pupil, who hasn't been named, suffers from autism and attention deficit disorder. She'll sit in a separate area so the noise doesn't disturb other pupils.

Nick Seaton, of the Campaign for Real Education, added: "This is ridiculous. Exams lose their integrity if some children are treated differently from the others."

Linda Moule, deputy head of Mary Erskine School, said they lifted the restriction due to a "special arrangement".

An SQA spokesman added: "This decision sets no precedents. We treat all requests for special arrangements on their individual merits."

Yeah right………..

Many, many miles to the East

A cat has shocked its owner by overcoming its natural tendencies and is acting as a mother to 30 newborn chicks.

Chinese farmer Lao Yang was worried when he first saw his cat, Niu Niu, with the chicks.

"I came back home and found Niu Niu had got into the chicks' box and I thought she was going to eat them," he said.

"I shouted at her and she froze. But then I realised that the chicks were climbing all over her and she was just playing with them."

Lao, of Suibing County, Heilongjiang Province, said he now leaves Niu Niu to look after the baby chicks while he goes out to work.

"It's amazing," he said. "Niu Niu even embraces the chicks in her sleep, and they chirp as if they are under their mother's belly.

"Niu Niu seems to just love lying down with the chicks. She licks them clean and plays with them while they follow her everywhere." 

Chicken Pussy; or patient hunter?

West lots and lots

According to investigative journalist Annie Jacobsen the Roswell incident was no UFO but rather a Russian spacecraft with "grotesque, child-size aviators" developed in human experiments by Nazi doctor and war criminal Josef Mengele.

Bill Lyne who self-published a book called "Space Aliens from the Pentagon" in 1993, agrees that the Roswell incident was faked, but he thinks the hoax was perpetrated by the U.S. government — not the Russians.

"They're just saying what I've been saying all along, that it was a hoax," he told the Santa Fe New Mexican. "But that Mengele stuff is a bunch of hogwash because Mengele was recruited by the CIA (rather than the Russians), and he was actually brought to Albuquerque."

Personally I think it was a failed escape attempt by the last sensible people on Earth to get away from the lunacy…

Dahn Unda and right a bit

A New Zealand truck driver who inflated "like a balloon" when he fell buttocks-first onto a compressed air nozzle was described as lucky to be alive Wednesday.

Steven McCormack was working on his truck at Opotiki on the North Island on Saturday when he slipped between the cab and the trailer, dislodging the compressed air hose that feeds the brakes, the Whakatane Beacon reported.

It said the brass fitting that the hose had been attached to pierced McCormack's left buttock in the fall, sending compressed air rushing into his body.

The 48-year-old said he felt as if he was going to explode and began to scream as his neck, feet and hands swelled up.

"I was blowing up like a football... it felt like I had the bends, like in diving. I had no choice but just to lie there, blowing up like a balloon," he told the newspaper.

Workmates rushed to McCormack's aid, turning off the compressed air and packing ice around his swollen neck.

Ambulance officers removed the brass nozzle from his buttock and rushed him to Whakatane Hospital, where a surgeon treated the injury and drained one of his lungs, which had filled with fluid during the ordeal.

McCormack said doctors later told him that the air separated fat from muscle and they were surprised his skin did not burst.

Now recuperating in Whakatane Hospital, he told the Beacon his skin felt "like a pork roast", hard and crackly on the outside but soft underneath.

A hospital spokeswoman confirmed details of the freak accident, which she said could have killed McCormack.

"It's fair to say he's lucky to be alive, it was a potentially life-threatening situation," she told AFP on Wednesday.

I’ve had wind, but never that bad.

And finally:

Marmite has been banned in Denmark

 The strongly flavoured dark brown spread made from brewer's yeast has joined Rice Crispies, Shreddies, Horlicks and Ovaltine prohibited in Denmark under legislation forbidding the sale of food products with added vitamins as threat to public health.

Many well known breakfast cereal and drink brands have already been banned or taken off supermarket shelves after Danish legislation in 2004 restricted foods fortified with extra vitamins or minerals.

But Marmite had escaped notice as an exotic import for a small number of ex-pats until the Danish Veterinary and Food Administration telephoned Abigail's, a Copenhagen shop selling British food, to ban the famous yeast spread.

The shop has now started a "Bring back Marmite" campaign to overturn a ban that is seen as discriminating against Britons living and working Denmark.

Lyndsay Jensen, a Yorkshire born graphic designer working in Copenhagen, told the British ex-pat RedHerring.dk website, that Britons would carry on spreading Marmite on their toast, even if it meant smuggling it in to Denmark.

"They don't like it because it's foreign," she said. "But if they want to take my Marmite off me they'll have to wrench it from my cold dead hands."

Not that Bovrilled then……. 

That’s it: I’m orf to have a chat with a robot.

And today’s thought: "I become more convinced that beings from other planets are using the Earth as a lunatic asylum" - George Bernard Shaw.

Angus

I hate Talk Talk: Lordy Lordy: Cultural men: Seeing Eye Goats: Paddling Numptys: Pippa gets a new job: Pissed Parrots: and climbing the ladder of Elfandsafety.

Calm, sunnyish, warmish and dry at the Castle this morn, the new resident is snuggled up against me and is in the land of nod after an hour of lunacy and the Honda is covered with yellow dust again, which will probably be added to by the volcanic ash which is allegedly on its way.

I am in the process of changing my ISP, I have been with Tiscali since the orf and have been very happy, decent prices, excellent connection and no bovver.

Then Talk bleedin Talk took them over and my last monthly bill has risen by almost fifty pc, so I phoned them to find out why they were ripping me orf (at my expense) and as soon as the twelve year old found out that I am with Tiscali transferred me to “the other division”.

Twenty seven minutes later I was left with the promise of a phone call to “sort things out” in a months time and look forward to receiving my next inflated bill in a few days time.

So I contacted Orange (my mobile provider) who have offered me a great deal, a new wireless router, no connection charge and fixed prices for the next 18 months.

The only snag is that they tried to contact Talk Talk to obtain my mac code and surprise, surprise they couldn’t get through.

So Orange will ring me back today at 11 of the am and we will try again.

I hate Talk Talk…..

Apparently Lord Hanningfield is a bit bemused by all the hoo-ha over his expenses

He told Chelmsford Crown Court he was "horrified" to find himself being prosecuted because of claim forms he spent just "a minute a month" filling out.

The former Lords opposition frontbencher and Essex County Council leader is alleged to have fraudulently claimed parliamentary expenses for hotels in London between March 2006 and April 2009 when he did not in fact stay overnight in the capital.

Lord Hanningfield, 70, who denies six counts of false accounting, said he "quite honestly assumed" he could claim the maximum amount after learning that this was what 85% of peers did.

Asked by his defence counsel why he thought he was entitled to the full sum, he said: "The £30-40 a day that was then available on the daily allowance was very little."

The peer, from West Hanningfield, near Chelmsford, Essex, told the court he saw the money as a "living-out-of-London allowance" rather than overnight subsistence.

Lord Hanningfield said he spent "a minute a month" completing the Lords' expenses claim form in exactly the same way each time, not even including rises in train fares.

"If I had known how important some people saw those forms, I would have done much more. I didn't see it as self-certifying, I saw it as means of getting expenses," he said.

Isn’t hindsight a wonderful thing......?

According to “research”

Simply observing culture improves the physical health and mental wellbeing of men more than attempting to be creative, it is claimed.

Women seem to benefit more from taking part in artistic activities than just watching them, however.

Researchers suggest that doctors and policymakers should therefore promote cultural activities as a simple way to lower stress.

“The results indicate that the use of cultural activities in health promotion and healthcare may be justified,” say the authors, whose study is published online in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health.

In the paper, researchers from the Norwegian University of Science and Technology analyse the results of a three-year questionnaire of 50,797 adults, who were asked about what cultural and creative activities they took part in as well as their health and happiness.

They were asked how often they went to museums, art exhibitions, concerts, plays, films, church or sporting fixtures, as well as how often they participated in club meetings, sang or played musical instruments, danced, worked out or played a sport, or took part in outdoor activities.

The academics conclude: “This population-based study suggests gender-dependent associations between cultural participation and physical health, anxiety, depression and satisfaction with life.”

Money helps quite a bit as well.

Across to the place O’Bama has left

Michelle Feldstein was prepared to provide special accommodations for the blind horse she recently added to the flightless ducks, clawless cats and homeless llamas inhabiting her animal shelter in Montana.

But nothing could prepare her for the 40-legged, seeing-eye entourage that accompanied "Sissy," a sightless, 15-year-old quarter horse.

"Sissy came with five goats and five sheep -- and they take care of her," said Feldstein, the force behind Deer Haven Ranch, a private rescue facility she runs with her husband, Al, on 300 acres north of Yellowstone National Park.

The seeing-eye sheep and guard goats are never far from the white mare, and they never lead her astray. They shepherd Sissy to food and water, and angle the horse into her stall amid blowing snows or driving rains.

"They round her up at feeding time and then move aside to make sure she gets to the hay," Feldstein said. "They show her where the water is and stand between her and the fence to let her know the fence is there."

Oh bless….

Dahn Unda

Twenty-year-old Grace Nash and her 22-year-old boyfriend Bruce Crawford, of Geauga County, northern Ohio, found themselves up to their ankles in trouble for rafting on a swollen river, the Grand River, in an emergency without safety jackets and lying about it afterwards.

A ranger on April 23 observed their raft in the water with river conditions above flood stage and saw they weren't wearing life jackets, the News-Herald reported.

The pair were able to get back on land by themselves, but lied when an official asked whether they were the people who had been in the water.

At least nine departments then arrived to search for missing rafters until 9.30pm - including a US Coast Guard helicopter that was dispatched from Detroit.

The couple pleaded guilty to misdemeanour misconduct during an emergency. Painesville Municipal Court Judge Michael a Cicconetti sentenced the pair to 60 days in jail or to stand in a kiddie’s inflatable pool while wearing life jackets and handing out water safety brochures at a festival in Painesville, 48 kilometres northeast of Cleveland, Ohio.

And their punishment? Standing in a kiddie’s inflatable pool, in life jackets and handing out water safety leaflets.

They got orf lightly if you ask me.

Pippa’s new job

Pippa Middleton has reportedly landed a new job working for her ex-boyfriend.

The 27-year-old has agreed to take the new 'green' job that will see her working at the geothermal energy firm which is run by her ex George Percy.

She was recently spotted enjoying a break away with George, 26, and some friends in Madrid.

A source said to UK newspaper Sunday Mirror: "Pip and George are really close friends so when he needed someone to help out with office stuff, she was the obvious person to ask.

"She's enjoying getting stuck in to something new."

 I bet she is……

Back Dahn Unda

Pissed Parrots have been accused of being drunk and disorderly by residents living in Palmerston, Australia.

The birds are thought to get into their inebriated state by eating a particular plant that makes them exhibit all the tendencies of having overdone it on the sauce.

According to Ark Animal Hospital vet Dr Stephen Cutter, the birds act in a drunken manner and then fall over: ‘It's probably a plant with alcohol, or toxins in a plant making it worse’.

The birds typically start out by making a lot of racket on a Friday night at the Palmerston Markets, followed by more loud drunken behaviour before they eventually fall over.

Sorry about the video-I couldn’t resist…..

And finally:

Back in Blighty

A pensioner who contacted her local council for help with a nest of angry wasps outside her bathroom window was told nothing could be done, because the job required climbing a ladder. Pendle council in Lancashire claimed that using ladders was too dangerous when environmental health staff were required to wear protective clothing and carry poison.

David Whipp, a local councillor, said: “Unfortunately, you do not find wasps nesting on the ground.

“People wearing cumbersome suits managed to land on the Moon. Presumably, we would never have got there if the health and safety brigade had their way.”

Officials stood by the policy yesterday, saying it was safer for staff to apply poison to nests with a pole.

Pendle Council in Lancashire has been stung by criticism that using ladders is too dangerous when environmental health staff are wearing a bee keepers' smock and hood, and carrying poison.

But officials stood by the policy yesterday, saying staff were better off applying the poison with a pole.

The row blew up after a resident was turned down for the service after telling the council the nest about 20ft off the ground - could only be reached by ladder.

Ah-the old Elfandsafety pole excuse…..

That’s it: I’m orf to look for a new species

And today’s thought: I intend to live forever -- so far, so good!

Angus

Big Society Mk4: Not a pothole: Ex Nazi phones Endeavour: One wheel on his bike: Hanging out Dahn Unda: and The Fete of Elfandsafety.

Cloudy, cool and calm at the Castle this morn, the phone calls have started from desperate users and I am orf to Tesco for some stale bread, gruel and cat food. 

I see that the Irish/Kenyan/Hawaiian/American president Barack O’Bama is due to visit our dry and broken land.

Now there’s a good reason to stay at home.

And U-Turn Cam is about to try to explain his “Big Society” for the fourth time

In a speech in Buckinghamshire, U-Turn Cam will insist that creating the Big Society is the central mission of the Government alongside cutting the deficit. Ministers will announce that they have reached agreement with banks that will allow customers to give money to charity through cash machines for the first time. Every minister will also be instructed to undertake a day of volunteering work a year.

Members of Mr Cameron's Cabinet view his decision to make another high profile attempt to reinvigorate the idea of the Big Society with some bemusement.  

He still doesn’t get it does he……

Apparently Lambeth Council has decided that a pothole is not a pothole when it is less than 1.57 inches deep.

Under the guidelines, holes that are less than 1.57 inches (40mm) in depth will no longer be repaired. Previously, holes as shallow as 0.98in (25mm) were filled in.

The cost-cutting move, by Lambeth council in south London, is set to be followed across the country with nearly three-quarters of local authorities preparing to cut their roads maintenance budgets.

It comes as parliamentary research shows that the total cost of repairing every pothole on England’s roads has soared to more than £13 billion, following a run of bad winters which damaged road surfaces across the country.

In Lambeth, the council has also cut road inspections from every four months to every six months in a further bid to cut costs.

And the moral of this story-fill your holes when they appear or prepare for a lot of damage claims.

The Ex Nazi (and rather creepy looking) Papa has phoned the Endeavour shuttle and bestowed a blessing on the astronauts.

Seated at a table before a television set tuned to NASA’s live broadcast from orbit, Benedict told the space travellers that “you are our representatives spearheading humanity’s exploration of new spaces and possibilities for our future”. 

Hoping for some brownie points from his boss?

Over in China

A cyclist has found a novel way of making his bike safe from thieves - he has thrown away the front wheel.

Li Qingyou, 24, from Shenzhen, in southern China's Guangdong Province, says he can ride his bike on just the back wheel.

He reckons that he can ride his one-wheeled bicycle for more than 30 miles at speeds of up to 20mph.

"I was curious to try, to see if I could ride with only one wheel - and after a month of practice, I mastered it," he said.

"I have never had my bike stolen since I started riding like this. I don't even lock it because no thief could ride my bike."

Unless they bring a front wheel now that they know….

Dahn Unda

Apparently teenage girls are flaunting more skin than ever and raising the eyebrows of older women across Sydney as the hemlines get shorter and shorter.

Girls as young as 13 are purposely - and proudly - revealing breasts, bums, navels, bare backs, and wearing clothing so tight little is left to the imagination. 

Bet there are no complaints from the men….. 

 And finally: 

Back in Luton

A council has created a 20-page “risk assessment form” for putting on fetes. Not only do organisers have to read through a 20-page “risk assessment form”, but they must to sign it to vouch that they have taken precautions against 78 potential hazards.

Risks identified in the paperwork include:

- Injuries caused by stray balls from the coconut shy

- Someone accidentally eating a fire-lighter from the barbecue

- Children who are allergic to facepaint

The form ranks the possible accidents that could occur at a public outdoor event in order of their potential risk. Among other perils for organisers to take account of are 'road rage’ caused by the slow pace of traffic. The form states “Reducing traffic to a slow pace and/or standstill leads to driver frustration and possible U-turns creating hazards to other drivers and pedestrians”.

Pony rides are also another potential source of injury. “Ponies with good temperaments [should be] used,” the form states, adding that riders could fall off, be bitten or trodden on by their mount.

There could also be “potential conflict” over gaining entry to the event, the form states.

The guidance says that organisers of activities such as children’s races and sponsored walks should ensure that the ground is even, and free of stones and dog faeces.

Concerns are raised over ensuring the welfare of children, though the risks it highlights are particularly specific.

It says that they could suffocate in the ball pond, which might also contain balls contaminated with urine or faeces, and could be allergic to having their face painted.

“Erect sign: if child has allergy/skin condition then must not have face painted,” the document recommends.

Even the traditional car-boot sales do not escape the risk assessment, advising that sturdy tables must be used as otherwise they could collapse and hurt members of the public.

Fete accomplis?

That’s it: I’m orf to try out MotionScan.

 And today’s thought: 'It's not pollution that is hurting the environment; it's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.' - Dan Quayle

Angus

Modern technology: U-Turn Cam’s six pack: Out of Iraq: Smokin Dahn Unda: Bradford Numptys: How not to mend a bus: and Prince Andrew loves Sakskiye Banyas.

Well, it didn’t end did it? Still here; or maybe Heaven looks just like the Castle, with a bit of rain thrown in.

I wonder how many gullible idiots blew their life savings yesterday. 

And as its Sunday a bit of Spike.

I see that up in Iceland Grimsvotn has started to erupt; Iceland's Isavia airport authority said a flight ban of 120 nautical miles had been imposed around the area. Last year's outpouring of ash from Eyjafjallajokull led to the largest closure of European airspace since World War II.

About 10 million travellers were affected and some questioned whether the shutdown was an over-reaction.

However, a scientific study published last month said the safety concerns had been well founded.

 Not quite Armageddon.

And according to Lord Judge, The Lord Chief Justice those who spread lies on the internet and paedophiles who circulate child pornography are fairly alike.

And reckons that ways should be found to prevent those "who in effect peddle lies about others" online to prevent the misuse of modern technology, just as ways had been found to stop the circulation of child pornography, or at least to "hunt down and prosecute" those responsible.

I wonder if that applies to lying, thieving politicians and Judges?

Allegedly a special six-pack of Guinness could be winging its way to Downing Street to commemorate David Cameron's visit to the famed brewery.

Taoiseach Enda Kenny, who accompanied the prime minister on the tour and will also get a sample, quipped whether it would be named the "Cameron Brew".

Doubt it; they could call it the Tossers Tipple though.

Iraq finally belongs to the Iraqis again

The UK's military operation in Iraq is to end within hours when the Royal Navy stops training Iraqi sailors.

Operation Telic, the name for the UK mission in Iraq since 2003, will finish but a handful of staff will remain at the British embassy in Baghdad.

At its peak the operation involved some 46,000 personnel.

Most UK forces withdrew in July 2009 from Basra, their main base, but 81 Navy trainers remained at the port of Umm Qasr.

The completion of the mission on Sunday comes eight years after Britain became involved in invading Iraq to remove Saddam Hussein.  

Better late than never.

Dahn Unda

Health Minister Nicola Roxon has dismissed the idea of forcing smokers to apply for a licence to light up before eventually banning smoking altogether.

Anti-smoking campaigners have told Fairfax newspapers that a licensing scheme could pave the way for a smoking ban within 10 to 15 years.

But Ms Roxon said the government has no such plans. "It's not part of our policy," she told Network Ten.

"I certainly understand why public health advocates want to keep pushing the boundaries but we are already trying to break new ground."

The Gillard government wants to introduce world-first plain packaging for cigarettes from mid-2012.

Ms Roxon said Labour had a big fight on its hands on that front alone. She denied a smoking ban was the logical conclusion of government anti-smoking policies. 

Funny that; “they” all want to stop smokers doing their thing, but are quite happy to take billions in taxes. And don’t forget if smoking is ever banned Dahn Unda or in Blighty the pompous, self righteous anti’s will have to make up the difference to the exchequer.

Back in our brown and cracked land.

Hundreds of motorists were flashed by a speed camera after practical jokers erected a rogue 40mph speed limit sign in a 30mph zone.

Locals in Wyke, Bradford, said the camera had been flashing like a "disco strobe light" as motorists sped by at the wrong speed.

Highway chiefs condemned the prank as "crassly irresponsible", reports the Bradford Telegraph and Argus.

Bradford Council has now removed the sign, which it believes was installed several days ago.

Local resident Dave Clarke said: "People were coming at 30mph but this sign brought them back up to 40mph so people were picking their speed up and setting the flash off.

"Some evenings it's been like a strobe disco light. There have obviously been a lot of people who have been caught by it."

Council engineer Darren Badrock said: "The 40mph sign was not put up by the council and appears to have been placed there by a member of the public. We have now removed it.

He said anyone who received a fixed penalty notice as a result of the fake sign should contact the authorities. 

Or maybe not send out any fixed penalty notices at all……

Right a fair few non metric units

Traffic police in China were left stunned after intercepting a badly damaged coach - missing its front windscreen and held together with sticky tape and boards.

The dilapidated coach, which was supported in parts only by its original frame, was stopped at a toll booth in the country's Zhejiang Province.

Its driver had decided to take the battered vehicle hundreds of miles to his friend's maintenance depot to save money on repairs. 

That didn’t work then…… 

And finally: 

The truth is out

Fat, oldish plonker Prince Andrew is in love with Sakskiye Banyas.

‘Airmiles Andy’ likes to relieve stress with an ancient form of Central Asian herbal sauna known as a Sakskiye banya.

The steam baths are traditional among nomads, who beat each other with twigs and drink fermented horse milk during the sessions.

Prince Andrew’s love of the Banyas – the Russian word for saunas – was revealed by his close friend Goga Ashkenazi, the multi-millionaire socialite, in an interview with Russian television channel NTV.

She said: ‘He is especially in love with Sakskiye Banyas. We believe that these Banyas make you younger. I don’t know whether it is true or not, but Andrew believes in it, too. He is getting so many compliments after visiting these Banyas.’

That’s not working either, but his horse faced Daughter’s hat is now up to quite a lot on Ebay, still it is for charity….

That’s it: I’m orf to join the fight against toxic caterpillars.  

And today’s thought: "I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people." - Dan Quayle

Angus