Stacking the deck: Up your energy: False imprisonment: The road to nowhere: Wi-Fi wobblers: Exploding vodka: and Cats in hats.

Dark, dry and dismal at the Castle this morn, Dawn’s crack has just appeared on the horizon, the study is half full of non functioning whatsits and I have sent my Gas and Leccy supplier a stiff email on a bit of cardboard.

According to “those in the know” ten million voters could be knocked off the electoral register under government plans which have left MPs "genuinely shocked".

Many of those likely to be affected are from poorer backgrounds and considered more likely to vote Labour.

MPs on the political and constitutional reform select committee realised the potential effect of the changes after three evidence sessions this week with election experts.

Even Tory committee members expressed surprise at the proposals, which would register voters individually and no longer make it compulsory to co-operate with electoral registration officers.

Tristam Hunt, a Labour committee member, said: "These plans show how little this government really cares about democracy or fairness.

"If they get away with it, the effect on the 2020 general election will make the chaotic boundary review published this week look minor. This is designed to wipe the poor and the young off the political map.

"We are moving from a notion of registering as part as a civic duty to something akin to personal choice like a Nectar card or BA miles."

Or maybe a ticket to the circus.....

 

Chris (no nuclear/yes nuclear power) Huhne

Has decided that he will “get tough” on the six companies that dominate the energy market.

The Liberal Democrat minister believes that making it easier for customers to switch energy suppliers will drive down prices.

One reform intended to encourage switching is the introduction of regulations obliging companies to carry out requests to switch within three weeks, instead of the six it takes currently.

Mr Huhne will also offer customers the chance to join online “co-operatives” to bulk-buy electricity and gas from energy companies and automatically get the lowest price available.

Ministers are increasingly worried about public anger over ever-higher prices, which have meant falling standards of living for many homes. All the so-called “big six” firms — British Gas, Scottish and Southern, EDF, E.ON, Npower and Scottish Power — have increased prices in the past month, leaving households facing average bills for electricity and gas of more than £1,200 a year.

Yeah right-just like no increase in VAT and tuition fees......

Up in Rochdale

Two security firm workers have been sacked after being tricked into putting an electronic tag on a criminal's false leg.

Christopher Lowcock, 29, wrapped his prosthetic limb in a bandage and fooled workers at security services company G4S who failed to carry out the proper tests when they set up the tag and monitoring equipment at his home in Rochdale, the Rochdale Observer reported.

Lowcock could then simply remove his leg - and the tag - whenever he wanted to breach his court-imposed curfew for driving and drug offences, as well as possession of an offensive weapon.

A G4S spokeswoman said: "Failure to follow procedure is a serious disciplinary offence, and the two employees responsible for the installation of the tag have now been dismissed."

Oh well...that’s alright then.

Dahn in Wiltshire

A new bus service has been introduced in Wiltshire which, due to council cuts, is offering no return service.

The 87 bus timetable, released earlier in the month, offers three buses a day and one on Saturday from Winterslow, Wiltshire to Andover, Hampshire

But with a limited return service and buses scheduled to leave before passengers arrive, residents say the route is effectively a one-way service.

Anne Riggs from Winterslow said "it would be better not to have it at all".

She said: "We've never had it before but when we found out that there was going to be a bus service to Andover - we thought wow, good a bit of variety.

"But with the new one-way service, we can board a bus and travel to Andover but there is no provision for getting us back."

The 87 bus route operates three buses a day from Winterslow arriving in Andover at 1040, 1240 and 1440. The return service leaves Andover at 0945 and at 1145.

The service on Saturday arrives in Andover at 1850 with a return service available at 0815.

Makes you proud.....

Over to the left a lot

Dozens of Americans who claim to have been made ill by Wi-Fi and mobile phones have flocked to the town of Green Bank, West Virginia

Ms Schou is one of an estimated 5% of Americans who believe they suffer from Electromagnetic Hypersensitivity (EHS), which they say is caused by exposure to electromagnetic fields typically created by mobile phones, Wi-Fi and other electronic equipment.

Symptoms range from acute headaches, skin burning, muscle twitching and chronic pain.

Her symptoms were so severe that she abandoned her family farm in the state of Iowa and moved to Green Bank, West Virginia - a tiny village of 143 residents in the heart of the Allegheny Mountains.

I find that wrapping silver foil round my head and Man Veg works quite well, but you do tend to rustle a bit while walking round Tesco.

Dahn in Welsh Wales

A man was left dazed and wandering the streets in his singed underwear after almost blowing himself up brewing home-made vodka.

Ten neighbouring dwellings had to be evacuated after Lawrence Toms, 43, had a tinker with his distillation equipment, sparking an explosion so powerful it blew out the windows and damaged the roof of his home in southern Wales, newspaper the Daily Express reported.

Neighbours said Mr Toms, an inventor, had been making vodka after downloading a recipe from the Internet.

The crews of four fire engines battled a blaze while Mr Toms was taken to a specialist burns unit for treatment. Police have begun to investigate the explosion.

Mr Toms is believed to have made a still in a bedroom of the terrace house.

Should have used the silver foil trick....

And finally:

Designer Amelie has created a hat for every cat - and every possible occasion.

From French berets, to witches hats, Stetsons and sombreros, every chic kitty is sure to look their best.

And the cute clobber isn't just for felines; they can be worn by other four-legged fashionistas too.

Amelie, from Atlanta, US, sells the lightweight headpieces, which stay in place thanks to an elastic band, from just $14 each.

And she even gives her buyers some tips on how to dress their pets on her ToScarboroughFair website.

She says: "Don't force the cat if he or she really does not want to 'dress up'.

"Encourage and praise the kitty for good behaviour. Always be very gentle and talk in a warm, soothing voice."

 Yeah right.....

That’s it: I’m orf to change my energy supplier to Biomass.

 And today’s thought: how to combat global warming-turn the air conditioning up.

Angus

Charity begins at the Jobcentre: In or out Dave?: Back in the bunker: Ferrari fishing: That takes the biscuit: and 'Ficken' schnapps.

Here we are again, the big blue thing is clear, the big yellow thing is out, but a tad nippy at the Castle this morn, the study is beginning to fill up with non working thingy’s, and I am orf to Tesco for the stale bread, gruel and pussy food run.

The holiday seems like a long time ago and his Maj is galloping around the garden like....well his Maj.

From this Monday morn tens of thousands of benefits claimants will be referred to food banks by the Government, which is worried that many Britons face a stark choice: starvation or feeding themselves by begging or stealing.

Jobcentres in England and Wales will refer the needy to charity-run food banks that will give them a food parcel. It is the first time in living memory that hungry people will have been passed on to charities in this way.

The move comes amid growing levels of food poverty, fuelled by rising food prices and high rates of unemployment. Under the scheme, people whose benefits have been delayed, or have been refused crisis loans, will be referred to their local food bank. A claimant will be limited to three consecutive referrals – each time giving them enough food for three days. They will be given basics such as tinned soup, baked beans, meat, fish and pasta. 

Ah, the caring, sharing Government, and just to put it in perspective.

Apparently David Cameron must call a referendum on Europe or face a rebellion from his own party and a backlash from voters, a leading back-bench Tory warns today.

Writing in The Daily Telegraph, Mr Pritchard says that the EU has become an “occupying force” which is eroding British sovereignty and that the “unquestioning support” of backbenchers is no longer guaranteed.

He says the Government should hold a referendum next year on whether Britain should have a “trade only” relationship with the EU, rather than the political union which has evolved “by stealth”.

And if we had some ham we could have ham and eggs.....if we had some eggs.......

According to “experts”

A dead satellite will fall to Earth in about a week.

Officials yesterday moved up their prediction for its arrival to Friday, September 23, give or take a day.

NASA scientists have calculated the satellite will break into 26 pieces as it gets closer to Earth.

The odds of it hitting someone anywhere on the planet are one in 3,200.

The heaviest piece to hit the ground will be about 159kgs (350 pounds) but no one has ever been hit by falling space junk in the past.

 

First time for everything....

Over to the other red bit on the map

The world's fastest Ferrari has wound up in deep water after spinning out of control in a road race in Canada after the driver confessed to a 'slight mishap'.

Zahir Rana was driving the 240mph Enzo in the Newfoundland Targa race when he lost control of it on the gravel surface.

The Ferrari spun 180 degrees before careering off the road into the water.

It then drifted back to shore, after being in the water for an hour, where it was hauled from the water onto a recovery vehicle.

Zahir, a supercar dealer from Calgary, Canada, says the custom-made 840bhp car only suffered ‘slight damage’ to the front bumper and wing and is repairable.

Apart from the slightly flooded fuel system....

A single biscuit from Ernest Shackleton’s Antarctica ­expedition looks set to make a packet at auction.

The Huntley and Palmers snack that stopped the explorer and his exhausted men starving to death in 1909 is expected to fetch £1,500.

It has somehow survived intact for an amazing 102 years since returning from the intrepid group’s hut on the frozen wastes near the South Pole.

Specially made for the gruelling trip and fortified with ­concentrated milk protein Plasmon, the biscuit helped keep up the men’s’ diminishing strength as they returned from their trip, called the Nimrod mission. One, Frank Wild, later told how Shackleton made him eat the snack daily to stay alive as they headed home from their failed bid to reach the South Pole.

The biscuit will go on sale at Christie’s in London on September 29. Spokesman Nicholas Lambourn said: “The biscuits played their part in the Nimrod expedition.

“A lot were made and this one survived for over 100 years.”

The highest price paid for a biscuit at auction was £7,637 in 2001. That was from Shackleton’s more famous Antarctic expedition in 1914.

Crumbs, that’s almost as dear as Tesco....

And finally:

East a smidge to the land of boring cars

A German drinks company has won a court battle to register the F-word as a trademark.

Liquor manufacturer EFAG will now enjoy legal protection of the brand name of its 'Ficken' schnapps.

Drinkers in Germany might feel a little embarrassed about asking for the drink - it is named after the German word for "f***."

But the manufacturer can take solace in the fact that the brand name is now legally protected.

EFAG took the case to Germany's Federal Patent Court after officials refused to register the name as a trademark, arguing that it was socially offensive.

Following its legal victory, EFAG now owns the 'Ficken' trademark for clothing, mineral water and fruit drinks, as well as alcoholic drinks.

In its ruling, the court explained that, although the name was unquestionably in poor taste, it was not "sexually discriminatory" and did not violate public morals.

Well...fick me....

That’s it: I’m orf to throw away the dark matter I have collected.

 

And today’s thought: Middle age ends and senescence begins, the day your descendant’s outnumber your friends.

Angus

The Government can kiss my arse; I’ve reached (private pension) retirement age at last.

Or maybe not.......

Today I achieve the (not so) venerable age of 60 long, tiring years, getting to forty was a surprise, fifty was a shock and now I am gobsmacked, and thanks to the WBankers, the ex Gov, the present Gov, stock traders and all and sundry after forty years of giving them my hard earned money my payout from the “Private Pension” people is about half what it should be, as is the monthly pittance paid into the Angus bank account.

Which means that the world cruise is orf, as is the fully restored classic car, new clothes, new glasses, decent food, trips out and relaxing.

I was going to “retire” but that is orf as well, my aspirations of a quiet life pottering about in the garden and visiting “interesting” places have been flushed down the loo with the ever increasing water costs, I was going to spend much more time blogging, visiting and commenting on other blogs but it seems that the study will remain full of broken computers waiting to be fixed.

And the Piss Poor Policy Coalition Millionaires Club Coalition are extracting the urine, it seems that 60 is no longer “oldish” I will have to wait until the 6^th of March 2013 for my bus pass and heating allowance but I do get free prescriptions from today.

Which is handy because I see that the number of patients still waiting to be seen at hospital more than a year after being sent for treatment by a doctor has risen by 40 per cent since January.

Sent the powers that be £77.50 for a new bio thingy passport so that I could pay even more taxes to leave the country, been away to the big warm salty thing in foreign climes, and spent a while laying in the warm on the beach watching the turds float by,  got back early Thursday morn.

What the hell has happened to this country in a week and a bit?

It was “summer” when I left, now its autumn, leaves are falling orf the trees, the Virginia creeper has turned red and it’s cold and damp.

Inflation is up, unemployment is up, food prices are up, and I have just got an email from my Gas and Leccy provider to tell me that they are doubling my monthly payment, and just to imitate a prostate exam I popped into Tesco for some go juice and they are charging £1.339 for a LITRE of petrol, which works out at about SIX QUID a gallon!

And the demand for the Honda road fund license has just dropped on the mat (£130 squids).

But at least “we are all in this together”- aren’t we?

The (goodish) news- the renovations at the Castle are finished, the garden is fettled and his Maj has learnt to climb the six foot fence at the bottom of the grounds.

I have purchased a new laptop-500gb hard drive, 8gb ram, hi def screen, DVD dual layer re writer, and it runs Windows seven which I hate to admit I am quite impressed with (so far).

That’s about it, back on Monday for the usual.

Oh to be in England now that recession’s back...

Angus

Simply the best: Simply the worst: Double trouble: slithering bargain: Silver budgie smugglers: Ear-ear Elfandsafety: and Earl Grey is revolting.

Sunny, coldish and a touch windy at the Castle this bank holiday Monday morn, no post yesterday-too busy on the re-modelling front, but nearly finished, his Maj had the hump all day because Him/her upstairs decided to dump sky water on the grounds in increasing amounts as the day of rest progressed.

Apparently according to an “expert” our beloved NHS is one of the best in the world

The NHS is one of the most efficient healthcare systems in the world, according to a surprising new report.

In a development which will complicate the government's arguments for healthcare reform, a Journal of the Royal Society of Medicine report found only Ireland's healthcare system saved more lives per pound spent.

"The government proposals to change the NHS are largely based on the idea that the NHS is less efficient and effective than other countries, especially the US," said Professor Colin Pritchard, the Bournemouth University academic who analysed post-1980 data for the report.

"The results question why we need a big set of health reform proposals.

The NHS saved 3,951 lives per million of the population, compared to just 2,779 in France and 2,395 in Germany.

 But: And there is always a but.

The NHS complaints system requires drastic change if it is to operate effectively, MPs have said.

A report from the Commons' health committee suggests that the health service ombudsman is not currently given enough scope to review complaints.

Committee chair Stephen Dorrell questioned the "legal and operational framework" the ombudsman currently works under, suggesting it needed to be "widened".

He said: "The ombudsman's current terms of reference prevent her from launching a formal investigation unless she is satisfied in advance that there will be a 'worthwhile outcome'. We have concluded that this requirement represents a significant obstacle to the successful operation of the complaints system.

"Patients should be able to seek an independent review of the findings of internal reviews by care providers; the terms of reference under which the ombudsman works prevent her from properly fulfilling this role. This needs to be changed."

A report by the ombudsman in 2005 called for the establishment of clear national guidelines on dealing with complaints.

However the health committee said the organisation of the complaints procedure is inadequate and accused the NHS of being too defensive and failing to adopt a more open culture. 

No shit, tell me about it...

  

Double dole

The number of long-term unemployed has more than doubled since the financial crisis struck in 2008, leaving tens of thousands of people with little chance of ever working again, according to the Institute of Public Policy Research.

More than 400,000 people have been unemployed for over two years – the highest number since 1997.

The IPPR analysis shows that 100,000 older workers (those aged 50 and over) who were made redundant at the start of the recession could be forced to retire earlier than they planned. This means many will be left with significantly lower pensions and therefore lower standards of living, Tony Dolphin, the chief economist at the IPPR, says. But long-term unemployment has increased even more among younger people – trebling to 95,000 since 2008. Research from previous recessions suggests that members of this group are likely to earn less than their peers when they do find work and more likely to experience further unemployment in later life. 

Still no “Plan B” Dave?

 Over to the left a lot

A Hollidaysburg couple got one more item than they bargained for at a yard sale Wednesday, and it came back to bite them.

Amber Thalhouser was driving on Interstate 99 in Duncansville with Donald Forshey when a snake apparently sneaked out from among stuff they'd purchased - including a weed trimmer and a milk crate full of items - slithered up front and nipped Forshey on the lower leg, Borough Police Chief James Ott said.

Forshey tried to pin the serpent to the floor with a crutch - he'd recently had an operation - and Thalhouser pulled to the shoulder of the road before they both bailed out, state Trooper David Nazaruk said.

They called 911, and authorities who "tore apart" the car looking for the snake, without success, Nazaruk said. 

I think my crutch would be the last thing I would use to pin a snake to the floor...

Over to the right a smidge

A group of teenage tycoons have claimed they are sitting on a fortune - after developing a range of radiation-proof pants for mobile phone users.

The special boxers have pouches lined with silver which is said to deflect up to 99 per cent of radioactive emissions from mobiles, feared to be responsible for cancer and infertility.

Student Rico Kogleck explained:"I was sitting in a lesson at school and we were talking about radiation from Laptops and mobile phones.

He told the Austrian Times: "I started thinking about what we could do to protect ourselves from it and then I thought about protective boxer shorts."

Rico and four pals took a year to design and manufacture their Safety Shorts product, now on sale for £26.

Glowing testiclemonia?

Auntie’s Elfandsafety

The corporation has produced a report warning that musicians playing in its orchestras are at risk of damaging their hearing, and even their health, by working in a noisy environment.

It acted after European Union rules were brought in to limit exposure to noise in the workplace.

Now musicians in its five orchestras have been told they should think about using ear plugs, chewing gum and - in a new interpretation of the term musical arrangement - sitting further away from other members of the orchestra.

The advice is contained in a 50-page report which comes after a three-year study by the BBC's in-house safety adviser.

It warns that trombonists and trumpeters are exposed to decibel levels approaching those given off by chainsaws, an average of 92 decibels.

Other musicians are also warned of the hazards they face: during a three-hour session, a horn player, for instance, is exposed to the equivalent noise of a half hour journey on a motorbike, while for an oboist it is the same as an hour spent on a London Underground train.

Even their own playing can be stressful: "The adrenaline rush you thrive on in performance can turn under certain circumstances to unhealthy stress that is associated with raised blood pressure, compromised immunity and changes to metabolism."

 Yet another waste of money report from the University of the bleedin obvious.

 And finally: 

Tasteful tea

For nearly two centuries, Earl Grey has been the tea of genteel contentment.

Now, though, its drinkers are rising in revolt against a producer which dared to change its flavour.

The unlikely rebellion was sparked when Twinings relaunched its Earl Grey.

The company was so confident it would triumph by adding "a dash of lemon and a touch more bergamot" that its website proclaimed: "Even the Earl himself couldn't have imagined how wonderful his favourite tea could taste. Do you think it's our best ever?"

They didn't - in fact they decided it wasn't their cup of tea, and they weren't happy.

Among the almost universally damning, but elegant responses now appearing on the Twinings website are remarks including "horrid", "positively unpleasant" and "vile - like lemon cleaning product."

The good news - if there is any - for the Earl Grey rebels is that every customer who complains to Twinings is being offered "the ten day challenge": £10 to try the new tea for ten days and see if it grows on them.

Perhaps more importantly, if they refuse to take part in the challenge, they get a year's supply of the old Earl Grey - an offer which may lead to cynics wondering if the whole protest over the change is an internet ruse to raise sales of the tea bags.  

Think I’ll stick to my Tesco teabags.

That’s it: I’m orf to check out supersymmetry. 

And today’s thought: "A bargain is something you can't use at a price you can't resist."

Angus

Float your boat: Sinking the M5: Septic home: Bercow gets the boot: Flagging Squirrel: and a Budgie smuggler.

A whimsy of sun, a smidge of warm and a tad of breeze at the castle this morn, the garden is in serious need of fettling, there seems to be an outbreak of slugs and snails, and I am doing a bit of remodelling to the grand hall.

I see that the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition

Has come up with a spiffing plan to solve the housing crisis, it wants more people to live on houseboats.

Local authorities will be given financial incentives to allow more residential moorings on rivers, canals and tidal waters, while the public could qualify for housing benefit to cover mooring fees.

About 15,000 people live on boats and ministers want to make the option available to many others amid concern about the cost of getting a foot on the housing ladder and the number of new homes being built.

Grant Shapps, the Housing Minister, said yesterday: "Whilst they will never overtake bricks and mortar in putting a roof over the heads of families, innovative new ways of housing families – such as residential moorings – play an important role in allowing people to live near their place of work, children's school, or family, and where perhaps they would not be able to afford to otherwise." He believed many more people would like to live on boats. With half the population living within five miles of a waterway, he said, the wider public could benefit from a funding injection.

Where houseboat residents pay council tax, communities will be eligible for the "new homes bonus", a £250m-a-year pot of grants to encourage local authorities to provide more housing.

Alan Wildman, chairman of the Residential Boat Owners' Association, said: "Living afloat is arguably the most sustainable, lowest impact way to live."

And if you “live” in a borough where there are no rivers, canals or tidal waters?

Staying with the boat theme

Yesterday at approximately 17.35pm, police received a report of a boat on fire on the M5.

The boat, which was being towed by a Toyota Hilux, was on fire on the hard shoulder of the westbound carriageway at junction 30.

Police units, fire & rescue service and Highways Agency attended. There was a gas cylinder in the boat and both carriageways of the motorway were closed briefly whilst firefighters tackled the blaze and ensured the cylinder posed no risk.

Westbound traffic was heavy at the time of the incident as many people were heading to the South West for the Bank Holiday weekend.

That’s another homeless family then....

Over in the Big Apple

A tanker truck carrying 300 gallons of sewage crashed into the living room of an upstate New York home.

No one was home at the time of the crash. The home, in the small town of Gaines, about 30 miles west of Rochester, was declared uninhabitable. Police were trying to determine what caused the septic tanker truck to veer off the western New York road and slam through the wall of the home before coming to rest in the living room.

Calkins lost control of the truck, which crossed the centre line, hit a stop sign, and continued moving until it crashed through a garage attached to the ranch home and ended up in the living room, according to NBC affiliate WHEC-TV.

Calkins was transported to a Rochester hospital for treatment.

Police say the truck was carrying 200 gallons of fresh water, some of which spilled out, and a separate load of 300 gallons of waste product, which didn't leak. 

Flushing hell?

And a bit of good news

Dopey’s missus, that publicity seeking sheet wearing mare has been booted out of Celebrity Big Brother.

Sally Bercow departed the show after failing to garner as many votes as nomination rivals Kerry Katona and Bobby Sabel - though the voting margin was just 1%. 

The Speaker's wife said goodbye to her fellow housemates at the foot of the stairs and strode out of the building to a mixture of cheers and boos.

She explained to host Brian Dowling: 'I got really upset when I was nominated. I've got emotions, I'm human, my image isn't as someone who bursts into tears a lot but. I was so upset just because I had to fight quite hard to get here and I just imagined people thinking, "Ha-ha, I told you that you'd be first out". I was embarrassed.'

Who gives a Bulldog’s bollocks?

Back over to the left

Police in Ohio have discovered that small flags being swiped from a police memorial were being squirreled away.

Two Toledo officers watched on Wednesday as a squirrel quickly snatched a flag off its wooden dowel and ran off with it. Lt. James Brown told The Blade newspaper (http://bit.ly/nBGR5A ) the bushy-tailed critter was too quick to catch.

Later, police noticed a squirrel hanging out on a tree branch outside a third-floor window at their headquarters building. They also spotted a squirrel's nest made of leaves and branches — and at least two of the little flags.

Brown says at least three of the flags have gone missing in recent days.

He's careful to point out he can't prove all were the work of the same squirrel.

Patriotic rodents...

 

And finally:

Back in Blighty

A convicted budgie thief is to be tagged after a court heard he had a "fixation with small creatures".

Dean Wells, 19, admitted stealing three budgerigars from his uncle's house in Elgin, north east Scotland.

He also stole two more from a nearby aviary, where he was caught with the birds in his pockets.

Wells will be electronically tagged for six months after he appeared for sentencing in Elgin Sheriff Court on Thursday.

 Flight of fancy?

 

That’s it: I’m orf to cancel my BT phone line. 

And today’s thought: "Most cars on our roads have only one occupant, usually the driver." - Carol Malia, BBC Anchorwoman.

Angus

Arse about face Blighty: Pippa who?: Foxy conveyor: A hairy dilemma: Cool motor: and the Naked rambler gets nicked-again.

Not a nice start to the day at the Castle this morn, wet, coolish and dismal, his Maj has the hump because he can’t go out, the study is nice and empty and the Bank holiday weekend starts here. 

What is left of my mind is more than a bit befuddled by this tale

A failed asylum seeker who committed more than 25 crimes within six years of arriving in the UK is in line for "substantial" damages after a judge ruled he had been unlawfully detained by immigration authorities.

Amin Sino is set to receive damages from public funds running into tens of thousands of pounds while taxpayers will also pick up the bill for his legal costs estimated at up to £50,000.

Deputy High Court Judge John Howell QC accepted that the public would be "outraged" by the ruling in favour of Sino, who deliberately misled officials about his identity in a bid to thwart deportation to his native Algeria, and had proved to be a "risk to the community".

But, in a written ruling following a hearing in London, he said that an immigrant's failure to cooperate with authorities was not a justification for detention.

 Bollocks.

Over in the very ex colonies

It seems the Americans aren't very taken with Kate's younger sister.

According to a survey by Vanity Fair magazine, the majority of Americans have no clue who Pippa Middleton even is.

When asked 'Who is Pippa Middleton?' 32 per cent correctly identified her as a 'British socialite' while 52 per cent didn't know as six per cent thought she was a children's book heroine.

Finally two per cent though Pippa was an adult film star.

 Fame is such a fleeting thing.

Back in broken Blighty

A Fox with a sense of fun uses all his wiles to turn a derelict quarry conveyor belt into a makeshift slide.

The four-month-old cub even appears to grin with delight as he speeds down the chute before climbing up to have another go.

His escapade was caught by British cameraman Duncan Usher at a disused gravel pit in Bursfelde, Germany. Mr Usher, 56, said: “The fox sat on the belt and, after a few seconds, started to slide down using its front paws to drag itself forwards.

Or maybe he has the worst case of worms in the world....

According to “experts”

Research has shown that one in three women leave the shower running while they shave their legs, wasting around 50 billion litres of water a year.

Thames Water, which commissioned the study, said the amount wasted would be enough to supply the whole of London for 25 days.

The research also found that one in four people leave the sink tap running while they brush their teeth, which accounts for around 120 billion litres of water wasted per year.

A spokesman for Thames Water said yesterday: “It may seem like it’s always raining, but we’ve had below average rainfall across our region for nine of the past 12 months. 

Another excuse for putting prices up...

Back over to the big bit of land on the left

Police were called to a parking lot in Richmond, B.C., earlier this month where they found a man trying to load a full-sized fridge into the trunk of a four-door sedan.

"The fridge was one-third in the trunk while the remainder teetered over the edge of the car's bumper," Const. Justin Stewart said in a release. "The fridge was secured to the vehicle using rope and the seatbelts from the car."

Stewart said the driver told him he thought what he was doing was OK and apologized after he was told that the load was unsafe for transport.

He then removed the fridge from the trunk of his car and arranged for a less precarious mode of transportation, police said.  

Numpty

 And finally:

 North of the border

The so-called Naked Rambler is back behind bars after stripping off less than a minute after being released from prison.

Stephen Gough, 52, was arrested outside Perth Prison almost immediately after he was released from his previous 21-month sentence.

He has now been jailed for another 21 months after turning up naked for his trial at Perth Sheriff Court, reports the BBC.

The hearing was initially held up while court staff found a sheet of brown paper for him to sit on "for hygiene reasons".

Gough appeared naked in the court dock and was found guilty of breaching the peace and being in contempt of court.

Sheriff Fletcher told him: "The court expects people to come here in a decent state of dress."

Gough earned the title Naked Rambler by walking unclothed from Lands End to John O'Groats after quitting his job as a lorry driver.

The former Royal Marine, from Eastleigh in Hampshire, has been behind bars in Scotland for much of the past decade.

He has been repeatedly arrested in the street outside Perth Prison by police waiting for him to be released at the end of each sentence.

He claims that arresting him for walking around naked is a breach of his human rights and his right to freedom of expression.

 

Naked Numpty. 

That’s it: I’m orf to Serpens to stake my claim.

 And today’s thought: Lead me not into temptation . . . I can find my own way there.

 

Angus

Swiss cheese: Decorporn: Ca (t) cti: hanging on: White headed pants snakes: and Elfandsafety in Blighty.

Rotten weather at the Castle this morn, wet, warm and muggy, the study is empty of all things computerish, just got back from the stale bread, gruel and  food for the pussy run from Tesco-still can’t find anything and his Maj has taken to bringing me sticks from the garden so that I can throw then for him, I must stop feeding him dog food.

I see that the Piss Poor Policies Coalition Millionaires Club has done a deal with the Swiss WBankers to recoup more than £5bn in unpaid tax from Britons with Swiss bank accounts under a deal between the UK and Switzerland signed last night. Switzerland's strict secrecy laws have made it a safe haven for the rich, but the UK Government is cracking down on offshore tax evasion.

In 2013, the Swiss banks will hand over a one-off levy of more than £5bn to settle past tax liabilities of Britons with money salted away in the country.

From then on, Switzerland will impose a withholding tax of 48 per cent on income such as interest and 27 per cent on capital gains such as shares rising in value. It is unclear how much this will raise because some Britons may move their assets elsewhere.

 £5 billion....does that mean that next year’s cuts are orf?

And ex-Home Secretary Jacqui Smith is trying to justify using day-release prisoners to help paint her home because they “didn't have anything else on”.

The former Labour MP admitted that two inmates spent three hours decorating the detached property that she shares with her husband, Richard Timney. Questions remain about why the prisoners, who should have been doing work that benefited “the whole community”, were instructed to do the painting.

She resigned as home secretary in June 2009 after claiming expenses for pay-per-view pornographic films her husband had ordered.

It emerged that Ms Smith gave a number of plants to a programme at a local prison the day before the inmates arrived to offer their help. 

Oh well, that’s alright then-or will she claim them on expenses?

Over in Arizona

A bobcat, which clambered up a 15m (50ft) giant saguaro cactus stayed there for six hours to escape a mountain lion.

The bobcat refused to crawl back down for several hours, instead sitting on the cactus’s 5cm (2in) spikes. Amazingly, it appeared to have suffered hardly a scratch.

The scenes were taken in the Sonoran Desert, Arizona, by photographer Curt Fonger, 69, who said: ‘The mountain lion probably had cubs, the bobcat had intruded on its territory and she gave chase to warn the bobcat not to come close to her young family.

Lesser of two evils?

What’s in your loft?

Scalextric tracks and Rubik’s cubes top the list of nostalgic toys Britons are hoarding in storage facilities.

Other 1980s classics - including Micro Machines and Sony Walkmans - are among the possession we cannot stand throwing away, it has emerged.

A survey of 1000 households by Access Self Storage found that Britons preferred to keep certain items rather than throw them away or sell them on eBay.

The most favoured were those with an emotional connection or a link to childhood - with toys from the 80s and 90s particularly popular in self storage.

Clothes that no longer fit but evoke memories featured highly, along with family photos and love letters.

Top storage items:

1. Nostalgia toys, first edition comics and brand memorabilia ranging from modern day Harry Potter collectables to "old skool" ranges from Star Wars, Rubik’s Cube, Barbie and Scalextric

2. Favourite outfits that no longer fit.

3. Photos of family and friends from Christmas and summers gone by

4. Royal memorabilia

5. Special edition newspapers and tribute magazines

6. Wedding dresses

7. Music cassettes, VHS and Betamax tapes and vinyl

8. Electricals including first mobile phones, old PC's and Walkmans

9. Love letters from ex-boyfriends and girlfriends

10. Greetings cards and birthday cards from the 80s to today

Guilty......

Back in Arizona

Police say an Arizona man stole several baby albino boa constrictors at a pet store by stuffing them in his shorts.

Eric Fiegel was arrested Tuesday after police reviewed surveillance footage from Predator's Reptile Center in Mesa. They say a July 30 video shows the 22-year-old man entering the store, removing several snakes from their cage and placing them in the pocket of his shorts before exiting the store without paying.

Police say Fiegel then travelled to another pet store and traded several of the snakes for $175 and a large reptile tank.

Nutter-one snake in the pants is enough for me.

 And finally: 

Elfandsafety comes clean

A list of Britain's daftest health and safety bans has been released - by the Health and Safety Executive.

They include bans on dodgem cars bumping into each other, school sack races and kite-flying.

Ministers have ordered a wide-ranging review and pledged to consolidate or simplify the law.

Butlins banned bumping on dodgems at its resorts at Skegness, Minehead and Bognor Regis in April over fears of being sued.

Schools in Oxfordshire stopped pupils using playground monkey bars unsupervised while a school in Merseyside banned leather footballs.

East Riding Council said it would fine kite-flyers up to £500 on Bridlington and Hornsea beaches because of the danger of kites hitting people.

Even the Royal British Legion made the list for not giving out pins to attach poppies, in case supporters pricked themselves.

And Wimbledon bosses featured for barring fans from watching tennis on Murray Mount after rain, in case they slipped.

Employment minister Chris Grayling, whose brief covers the issue, said: "This has to stop. These regulations are intended to save lives, not stop them."

No shit....

That’s it: I’m orf to study Halls rock. 

And today’s thought: "Eskimos are uncivilised because they don't have any shops." - Jodie Marsh

 Angus