Olympic gold: Piss Poor air travel: Stoned old farts: DIY La Espana: Free ride: and Saddam’s buttock.

Cloudy, clammy and coldish at the Castle this morn, the study is still empty of fixable what-knots, and the garden is still in need of a medium, fettling. 

It seems that Blighty already has Olympic gold

Olympic bureaucrats have spent more than £100,000 on corporate credit cards in two years, spending taxpayers’ money on 5 star hotels, shopping trips to Fortnum & Mason, Krispy Kreme doughnuts and trophies for staff.

Officials at the Olympic Delivery Authority, the quango responsible for building London 2012 Olympic park, spent £4,350 on hosting board dinners at The Athenaeum, a private Pall Mall gentlemen’s club whose former members include Sir Winston Churchill and the Duke of Wellington.

The full scale of spending on the cards has been revealed following a parliamentary question. Executives also spent £106 on a “get well soon basket” from Fortnum & Mason, the upmarket shop, and £1,475 at Formans, the famous salmon restaurant and fishmongers, in a visit by the Planning Committee.

Other bills include £391.31 at Autosound Ltd, a Bradford company that fits car radios and sat nav devices, and £410 at Brown’s, a London flower shop.

More than £445 was spent at Doggett's Coat and Badge, a pub in London, during a “transport team stakeholder meeting”. The bill for a team-building away day for finance staff at All Star Lanes, a 'boutique’ 1950s-themed bowling alley which serves cocktails and dinner came to £397.

Records show quango staff spent £355 at James Shoe Care, a cobbler’s shop, to engrave trophies for “contractor diversity” and “health and safety” awards, while £94 was spent on Krispy Kreme doughnuts. A spokesman said the sugary treats were bought “to get people to turn up” for events at which contractors bid for projects.

Speculate to accumulate?

 

And:

Ryanair unveils its latest plan to save money

Passengers on Europe’s biggest airline may soon need to cross their legs – or queue to use one toilet between more than 200 people. Ryanair has dropped its plan to charge passengers for using on-board toilets, but is pressing ahead with proposals to remove two of the three lavatories on each plane and replace them with seats.

The airline, which will carry 75 million passengers this year, has only one aircraft type: the Boeing 737-800. Ryanair has installed 189 seats on each plane, the maximum allowed under current rules.

“We’re trying to push Boeing to re-certify the aircraft for six more seats, particularly for short-haul flights”, said Mr O’Leary. “We very rarely use all three toilets on board our aircraft anyway.”

 The airline’s chief executive, Michael O’Leary, told The Independent “It would fundamentally lower air fares by about five per cent for all passengers” – cutting £2 from a typical £40 ticket.

Buckets for sale-£2 each.........

Over in the land of brave and the home of the free

Three senior citizens have been hospitalized after unknowingly eating pot brownies during a memorial service for a friend.

The victims, who are in their 70s and 80s, were admitted to Hoag Hospital on Saturday complaining of "nausea, dizziness, and inability to stand unassisted" after eating the brownies.

"At the service, a tray of brownies were offered that has since been determined to have contained 'medical' marijuana," Huntington Beach Police Department officials said.

"No one was told the brownies contained the marijuana before they were consumed."

All three victims are going to be okay.

Investigators say someone brought the brownies as a tribute to the deceased, who apparently used medical marijuana on a regular basis.

 Ah; the good old Sixties. Seventies. Eighties......

Back over to bollixed up Europe

A cash-strapped Spanish town has surprised its residents by asking them to pick up a broom and sweep their own streets and pavements.

The official request by the mayor of Esparreguera, a town of 22,000 people in north-eastern Spain's Catalonia region, did not go down well with all inhabitants.

"The town hall does not have the financial means at the moment to improve municipal cleaning and gardening services," said the request by Mayor Joan-Paul Udina of the moderate Convergence and Union party.

Apparently Spanish towns are hard up. By the end of June, municipal debts amounted to 37.64 billion Euros ($51 billion), or 3.5 percent of gross domestic product. In addition, the country's 17 regional governments have a total debt of 133.172 billion Euros, or 12.4 percent of GDP.

 

Join the bleedin club.....

East many, many kilometres

Japan will offer 10,000 foreigners free airfares to visit the country next year, in an attempt to boost the tourism industry.

The Japan Tourism Agency plans to ask would-be travellers to submit online applications for the free flights, detailing which areas of the country they would like to visit, the Yomiuri Shimbun newspaper reported.

The agency will select the successful entrants and ask them to write a report about their trip which will be published on the internet.

Don’t forget to pack the radiation suit.......

And finally:

Back in Blighty

Ex-SAS man Nigel Ely, 52, smashed off a buttock from a statue of Saddam Hussein when it was toppled to mark Iraq’s liberation in 2003.

Nigel sneaked the bronze souvenir out of Iraq then paid £385 in excess baggage charges to get it back to Britain and has kept it at home ever since.

Now he is selling the buttock in aid of injured soldiers – and auctioneers think the piece could raise at least £10,000.

Nigel, who was working with a TV news crew as Baghdad fell, said: “When we arrived in Firdos Square the statue had just been toppled and US Marines had erected a cordon of tanks to guard the square.

"But I wanted a piece of the statue and when I mentioned to the Marines I was an old soldier they told me ‘No problem – help yourself’.”

Hansons Auctioneers will put the buttock under the hammer in Derby on October 27. Auctioneer Charles Hanson, of BBC’s Bargain Hunt, said: “It’s unlikely that more parts of the statue survived since almost everything metal or of value in Iraq was scrounged and melted down after the invasion.”

Bum lot-wonder where the winning bidder will “hang” it?

That’s it: I’m orf to source a wildcat 

And today’s thought: "Is this chicken or is this fish? I know it's tuna but it says chicken of the sea." - Jessica Simpson.

 Angus

Piss “Poor” Policy: Le Train: Pitt Police: Tilting time: Light of the Elfandsafety: and Oh Yeti is.

Dark, dismal, damp and dingy at the Castle this morn, the study is empty of all things broken and bollixed, his Maj is chasing things in the garden, the Honda has reached 162 miles on twenty squids worth of go juice and my lovely young lady arrived yestermorn to trim my locks.

According to the Institute of Fiscal Studies

The number of children living in poverty in Britain will rise by 600,000 to 2.8 million by 2012-13.

The introduction of the irritable bowel twins universal credit will lift 450,000 children out of poverty but, the IFS says other benefit changes – such as linking payment increases to consumer prices – will offset this. It projects that by the end of the decade, 23 per cent of children will be in absolute poverty and 24 per cent in relative poverty.

That would mean the legally binding targets set under the 2010 Child Poverty Act being comprehensively missed. The 2010 Child Poverty Act set a target for absolute poverty to fall to 5 per cent of children and relative poverty to fall 10 per cent by 2020.

The Department for Work and Pensions says the IFS did not take into consideration the beneficial impact on poverty levels that it expects to result from improving the incentives for parents to work.

Which means that if the IFS are right 23 percent of families in Blighty will be “living” in poverty?

 And allegedly:

British taxpayers are spending up to £400,000 a year to help maintain French trains in the aftermath of a failed European transport project.

The aborted rail scheme cost British taxpayers more than £180million but the Department for Transport continues to fund the failure.

It spent “between £300,000 and £400,000 last year” on mothballed facilities for the aborted Regional Eurostar project that would have provided a direct link between cities such as Manchester and Glasgow to Paris.

Seven trains were built for the Regional Eurostar but they were passed to the French train operator SNCF because its high-speed link between Paris and Lille was short of carriages.

A depot in Manchester to maintain the trains is still the responsibility of London & Continental Railways, a firm which is wholly owned by the DfT. 

Here’s an idea-I have heard that there is a tunnel under the channel, why not take the trains to the French owners and let them pay.

Over in the land of wheat and wine

Hungarian police announced Monday they had seized a shipment of weapons stored in a warehouse near Budapest airport, only for a film producer to reveal they were props for a new Brad Pitt movie.

Police told a press conference they had found and confiscated the arsenal -- which included machine guns, hand guns and sniper guns but no ammunition -- at a customs-free area near the airport during a raid at dawn on Monday.

"The military guns arrived from London on Saturday at Liszt Ferenc International Airport," Janos Hajdu, director of the police's Counterterrorism Centre, was cited by Hungarian newswire MTI, adding that the aircraft transporting the weapons left the airport right after unloading.

The Hungarian police had contacted its counterparts in Britain for more information, he also said.

As it turns out, the weapons were actually meant as props for a new zombie movie featuring Hollywood star Brad Pitt, "World War Z”.

Shooting in Hungary for the film was to begin Monday evening in an industrial district of Budapest, according to RTL Klub.

 

Firing blanks?

Back in Blighty

It seems that Big Ben has gorn all Italian

St Stephen’s tower is a bit wonky, and is on the lean to such an extent that the tilt can now be clocked with the naked eye, according to a report commissioned by London Underground and the Parliamentary Estates Department.

“The tilt is now just about visible. You can see it if you stand on Parliament Square and look east, towards the river. I have heard tourists there taking photographs saying ‘I don’t think it is quite vertical’ - and they are quite right,” emeritus professor and senior research investigator at Imperial College, London, John Burland, told the Sunday Telegraph.

The level of the tilt has accelerated since 2003, increasing to 0.9 mm a year, compared to the long-term average rate of 0.65 mm a year, the report revealed.

These levels are not considered to be unsafe.

The tilt has resulted in the formation of cracks in the walls and ceilings of parts of the House of Commons, including the Minister’s Wing.

Maybe it’s the entrance to the underworld opening up for the residents.

Up North

A church is refusing to change a light bulb because it says overzealous health and safety rules mean it would cost £500 to change the £2 fixture.

Health and safety rules mean scaffolding is required whenever a bulb needs replacing in the 30ft internal roof at St Mary's Church in Cottingham, Humberside. The church says the rules mean they cannot simply use ladders to change the bulb.

He added: "Health and safety concerns also rule out candlelight as an alternative for the grade one listed building.

But there may soon be light at the end of the tunnel for St Mary's. The village church is now looking at installing an LED (light-emitting diode) lighting system. LEDs have a longer lifetime so the lights would not have to be so frequently replaced."

Not replacing bulbs would save the church valuable funds at a time when costs are high. The church has had £30,000 of roof lead stolen in five raids in the past three years, including the latest theft in August.

Father Smith said stolen lead is being replaced with stainless steel in a bid to deter the thieves. Villagers have rallied round to help with fundraising, with the church's recent annual Gift Day raising about £6,000.

 

Ah, the old Elfandsafety scaffold ploy....

And finally: 

Over to the right a fair way

Yesterday a Russian region in Siberia confidently proclaimed that its mountains are home to yetis after finding "indisputable proof" of the existence of the hairy beasts in an expedition.

The local administration of the Kemerovo region in the south of Siberia said in a statement on its website that footprints and possibly even hair samples belonging to the yeti were found on the research trip to its remote mountains.

Apparently they found its footprints, its supposed bed, and various markers with which the yeti marks his territory, the statement said. The collected "artefacts" will be analysed in a special laboratory.

Probably Premier league footballers in hiding......

That’s it: I’m orf to check out the moat-just in case. 

And today’s thought: Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.

 Angus

Poor old Blighty

Warm and windy at the Castle this morn, just got back from Tesco on the stale bread, gruel and pussy food run and I am a bit miffed.

Over the weekend they have introduced the “give us a quid or you can’t have a trolley” policy, which is OKish but: they didn’t tell anyone and I didn’t have a quid in change so I had to stagger round with a basket and two of their “small green bags” to get my shopping.

And I suppose that the old guy who collects all the trolleys is now unemployed.

And just to make me feel better a couple of ditties.

Tesco are taking the piss

And it has lost its appeal

If you don’t have a pound you can stagger around

With a basket instead of some wheels

Sales are down but profits are up

Runneth over does their cup

Price drop they say to go is the way

So why has my shopping gone up

Tesco are taking the piss

There really is something amiss

When I have to spend more to get even less

My wallet is now in distress.

And:

There once was a man called Dave

Who thought he was everyone’s fave

He has many millions but still screws civilians

Or should that be billions or zillions

Now Dave is a man with a mission

A bit like nuclear fission

Go the wrong way and goodbye today

As we all go down in decay

And Dave has a mate called Nick

Who is an obnoxious collude

His nose is so brown he takes it lying down

Os standing up if Dave’s in the mood

Dave wants a big society

And we all should act with propriety

To help each other is Dave’s big idea

But Dave is taking the urea

And as Blighty sinks into the sea

Dave and his mates all agree

That the rich will get richer, the poor will get poorer

But that’s how government works you see

Angus

“Can do” U-turn cam: Smooth operator: Stone Numptys: Missus on yer back: China 5: and Shark infested golf.

Dull, wet and nippy at the Castle this morn, as I sit here watching the Japanese Grand Prix his Maj has jumped through the window and landed in my lap-he is soaking wet and cold so the Angus body warmer is working well. 

Apparently under the “destroyer of Blighty”

Piss Poor Policy U-turn Cam’s 'can-do' Britain has 20,000 fewer companies.

David Cameron's claim to be the champion of new business was undermined yesterday as new figures showed the number of firms in Britain fell by 20,000 during his first year as Prime Minister.

Mr Cameron used his party conference speech last week to promise a plan that would do "everything we can to help businesses start, grow, thrive, succeed". In the wake of his speech, the Federation of Small Businesses demanded "clear action to match the rhetoric"; while the manufacturer’s organisation EEF warned promoting growth is "now a matter of urgency".

This week there is expected to be a series of announcements from the Department for Business, the Treasury and No 10 on job creation, particularly in manufacturing, which lost 4,800 businesses alone. In March 2010, there were a total of 2.1 million businesses with VAT or PAYE registrations but a year later it had fallen to 2.08 million, according to the ONS.  

The only announcement I want to hear is that the Millionaires Club Coalition has resigned....

And:

Thanks to the arseholes at the GMC

A surgeon who is facing claims he botched 85 operations is still working for the NHS.

The hospital trust where Manjit Bhamra worked has already paid out £1 million to 10 patients whose surgery went badly wrong.

Now it is facing a further 85 complaints – in what could become one of Britain's biggest clinical negligence claims against a single surgeon.

Mr Bhamra has twice been referred to the General Medical Council but is now working at a different hospital which said it had "no concerns" about him.

The orthopaedic surgeon, 55, is accused of leaving hip patients in such pain that they were housebound and unable to work, with one man forced to sleep in a chair at night because he was unable to lie down.

Payments of between £1,750 and £500,000 have already been made in ten cases treated by Mr Bhamra at Rotherham Hospital, South Yorkshire – though liability was not accepted in all cases.

A spokesman for Rotherham Hospital said the trust had "a robust procedure in place in which to fully investigate any complaints that are received".

Tim Hendra, Medical Director at Mid Yorkshire Hospitals NHS Trust, which runs Pinderfield hospital said that delivering safe high quality care was the hospital's top priority, and that all medical staff were subject to a robust recruitment process and routine monitoring.

Bollocks...

A while back I posted about thieves who stole a driveway.

It now appears that the stone Numptys didn’t get far, as they were forced to abandon their haul on the M25 and flee after their transit van collapsed under the weight.

Sharon Gould, 52, from Spindlewoods, Tadworth, was horrified to return home on September 21 to find 120 York stones, dating back to 1910, had been taken while she was out to lunch with her mother.

After the back-breaking work of digging up the stones and loading them onto their white Ford transit van the thieves must have thought that driving them away would be a doddle.

But they had not reckoned on the impact of three tonnes of stone on a van.

As they drove down the M25 a tyre blew out and the suspension collapsed.

Forced to abandon the vehicle on the hard shoulder between the junctions 9 and 10, the two men were last seen running away into nearby fields after removing the vehicle's number plates in a bid to avoid being traced.

 Natural justice?

Over the saline pond on the left

The 2011 North American Wife Carrying Championship was held yesterday.

Wife Carrying teams are comprised of a male and female competitor, however, the female does not need to be the legal wife of the male nor does she have to let her male teammate carry her. Teams have the option to have the male carried by the female if they so choose. 

So it isn’t really a “Wife carrying” contest then, still the results are here.

Keep going West for quite a bit

And several Chinese online stores are offering die-hard Apple fans the opportunity to buy the much-anticipated next-generation iPhone 5. There's just one catch -- the US tech giant hasn't released it yet.

The fake smart phones are available for as little as 200 Yuan ($31) on hugely popular websites such as China's largest online marketplace Taobao.com, which has 370 million registered users.

Some of the smart phones offered are billed as "HiPhone 5" in a bid to avoid accusations of counterfeiting, but photos of the devices show the Apple logo on the back of the phones and "iPhone 5G" printed in the battery compartment.

Even before Tuesday's launch of the iPhone 4S at Apple headquarters in California, Chinese authorities had seized fake versions of the US firm's supposed latest offering.

Commerce department inspectors in the south eastern city of Fuzhou found 61 iPhone 5s on sale that featured new capabilities such as dual sim cards, the official Xinhua news agency reported earlier this week.

Vendors said the phones had been manufactured in the southern boomtown of Shenzhen, the report said. The Fuzhou trade and commerce bureau was unavailable for comment.

Got to be a lot cheaper than Apple, and they will probably work better.....

And finally:

Dahn Unda

Members of a golf club in Australia have something more to worry about than just their swing - playing on what's thought to be the world's first shark-infested course.

The sharks got onto the Queensland golf course when it flooded some years ago after a river broke its banks.

Golfers often pause during games for a few minutes to see if they can spot the sharks before they head off to the next tee.

The sharks, which are between 8 and 10ft long, have proved quite a hit at corporate events and their fins have even been spotted during wedding ceremonies held on the course.

Half a dozen man-eating Bull sharks live in the lake in the centre of the course where their fins poking through the water have become a regular sight. 

Hope the Japanese don’t read this...

 

That’s it: I’m orf to read the green blueprint. 

And today’s thought: "Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit." - Billy Connolly

 

Angus  

Credible Chancellor: Healthy staff: Bonkers Conkers: Bag a train: Cheapskate in China: and a paper car.

Cloudy, cold and calm at the Castle this morn, the study is empty of anything ailing, the garden still needs a medium fettling and his Maj is not happy with the lack of temperature.

According to son of a B...aronet (and alien reptile in disguise) George Osborne

The Government has a "credible fiscal plan" to enable Britain to ride out the economic storm.

Asked on BBC Radio 4's Today programme about his previous comments in 2009 that 'printing money is the last resort of desperate governments when all other policies have failed', Mr Osborne said: "We inherited as a Government a pretty desperate fiscal position and we had to take action.

"I think the crucial difference this time is that you've got a credible Government plan to deal with our debt."

He added: "I said the path of radical monetary action and responsible fiscal policy, that is the right route and in 2011 that is precisely the route we're following."

Mr Osborne said Britain's authorities were using "all the tools available" to deal with the "worsening global debt storm".

 

“Tools” being the operative word....

And:

Allegedly.

Health service managers who are responsible for funding patient care spent more than £100,000 in a year on awards ceremonies, away days and parties.

One Primary Care Trust alone had a bill of almost £15,000 for motivational staff events and entertainment that included a Christmas dinner.

Others used public money to pay for meetings at golf courses, retirement parties and barbecues.

It comes despite growing evidence that PCTs, who decide what drugs and hospital treatment to pay for, are increasingly restricting patient access to care.

A recent report claimed that some trusts are deliberately increasing waiting times to save money, with the additional result that some patients either “go private or die”.

Others are rationing access to cancer scans and expensive medicines, as the NHS struggles to save £20billion by 2015. 

Power corrupts....

Up in Northamptonshire

The World Conker Championships has been cancelled due to high winds.

The annual competition at Ashton Conker Club has been called off after bad weather blighted efforts to set up marquees at the site in Polebrook near Oundle.

About 300 competitors from 20 countries were set to take part in the championships on Sunday.

John Hadman, secretary of the club, said: "It is very sad."

Established in 1965, the championship attracts thousands of visitors every year that come to watch entrants from across the globe compete for the Conker Crown.

Mr Hadman said the event was too large to be staged indoors.

"The future is in the balance," "We want to carry on but the weather could be just as bad next year."

 Shouldn’t have held the curry eating contest first....

Over in the land of loads of bicycles and no hills

Dutch national rail operator NS unveiled plans on Friday for passengers to have access to urinal bags on trains without toilets should they face an urgent need, courting controversy with commuters and politicians.

“This is for emergency planning, not casual use, like having first aid kits onboard. We are preparing for the winter, say for example when there is one metre of snow and evacuation is not possible,” NS Spokesman Edwin van Scherrenburg said.

Dutch media had a field day on Friday publishing stories with images of biodegradable urinal bags and several Dutch politicians expressed disbelief and amusement with the plans, which they said showed the need for toilets on all trains. 

And if you need a number 2?

 

East more than a lot

A Chinese woman astonished tourists when she scrambled up a 70ft castle wall - to avoid paying the £2.50p admission fee.

Nimble Ma Jei - who had no rope or safety equipment when - told other visitors she'd been climbing the walls of Zhonghau Castle since childhood and had never once paid to get in.

But when other visitors tried to follow her example, by trying to scale the virtually sheer walls of the attraction, in Nanjing, Jiangsu province, they came unstuck.

Two tourists needed hospital treatment after falling and breaking their legs while three others had to be rescued by police officers.

"She ran up the wall like a goat and made it look easy. But when people tried it for themselves they saw it wasn't quite as simple as they thought," explained one tourist.

 

Monkey sees........

And finally:

A paper car.

 

This 1969 Ford Mustang is made entirely of paper. Reproduced in its entirety down to the nuts and bolts and made to full scale, the famous American muscle car is displayed at the Hosfelt Gallery in New York City. The complex piece was created by 31-year-old artist Jonathan Brand.

 Wonder why it doesn’t have windscreen washers.....

 That’s it: I’m orf to have a butchers at the Crab Pulsar.

And today’s thought: "A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke; 'Just looking.'- Tommy Cooper.

 

Angus

Bank bonus: 2,000 Sacked-but only for three months: Text neck: Jumbo jam: Bridge not over troubled water: Cat in a cup: and this is the road to a cell.

Tis bright, calm and bloody cold at the Castle this morn, the study is almost empty of misbehaving electronic boxes and the butler is out collecting fat teenagers for the furnace. 

I see that the old lady of Threadneedle Street has decided to give the banks £75 Billion to add to the £200 billion already in the W Bankers pockets to “buy” assets such as government bonds, in an attempt to boost lending by commercial banks. 

Didn’t work last time, so why try it again?

And Auntie has pledged to become “significantly smaller” by sacking 2,000 staff.

Snag is Auntie’s keeper Mark Thompson immediately struck a deal with unions to allow departing employees to return as freelances after three months.

The announcement that 2,000 jobs are to go across the corporation was undermined by the National Union of Journalists, which sent an email to staff confirming that it had secured an agreement that those who left under the cuts programme would be free to “return to the BBC on a freelance or casual basis after three months from their departure date”.

£205 million of savings will be found from programming budgets, including sweeping cuts to BBC Two’s daytime programming and fewer panel shows.

About £145 million will be redirected into a fund for high-quality content such as Panorama, children’s programming and BBC One’s prime-time schedule, as well as ensuring that Radio 4’s programming budget is not touched.

So F1 will go part time but the “good” news is that they will be keeping Strictly come bleedin dancing......

Apparently:

A new condition dubbed "text neck" is on the rise

The affliction, caused by flexing the neck for extended periods of time, can be a forerunner of permanent arthritic damage if it goes without treatment.

Cases of the repetitive strain injury are on the rise as smart phones and tablet computers such as the iPad become increasingly popular, experts said.

In severe cases the muscles can eventually adapt to fit the flexed position, making it painful to straighten the neck out properly.

One chiropractor said her company had treated thousands of patients for the condition, which can also result in headaches and shoulder, arm and wrist pain.

Rachael Lancaster, of Freedom Back Clinics in Leeds, said: "Text neck is caused by the neck being flexed for a prolonged period of time.

Simple answer-turn the bloody things orf......

Up North

An Elephant named Five decided to take a nap in the middle of the road at a West Midlands safari park, causing a “huge” traffic jam.

The 20-year-old African elephant laid across one of the roads at the safari park, much to the amazement of park visitors who were forced to sit in their cars until Five was ready to move.

The out-of-season warm October temperatures are believed to be the main cause of Five's relaxation stunt. However it was not too long until the elephant, weighing in at 11,000Ibs, went on his way to find somewhere less gravelly to rest.

Just a temporary Jumbo Jam then.

Across the big wavy thing on the left

Police in Pennsylvania are investigating the case of a stolen bridge, presumably dismantled to be sold as scrap metal.

The North Beaver Township bridge, made of corrugated steel and valued at about $100,000, was stolen sometime between Sept. 27 and Wednesday, the Ellwood City (Pa.) Ledger reported Thursday.

The 50-foot-long, 20-foot-wide bridge was near a railroad line in a wooded area not owned by the township. Its owner's name was not released.

Picture is of the South Beaver Township bridge.... couldn’t find one of the North Beaver bridge because someone has nicked it.....

Dahn in Welsh Wales

Coffee shop worker Mary Sullivan really got the jitters when the latte she was making turned into a Casper-cino.

She had just poured frothy milk into the cup when the apparition formed in the foam.

'It was very scary, I was petrified,' said the 51-year-old. 'It made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. It was one of a kind - I don’t think it'll ever happen again.'

She served it to Gary Breton, 48, a customer in Atlantic Coffee, Cardiff.

Nah-not Caspar it’s a cat.....

And finally:

Across to Essex

A pensioner who led police on a 27 mile low-speed chase at 10mph finally stopped after an officer tapped on her window while running alongside the car.

Caroline Turner, 76, ignored blue flashing lights, but eventually stopped when an officer ran alongside her on a dual carriageway and tapped on her window.

He asked her to stop and she said: "Why, what have I done?" a court heard.

The officer explained that her driving was unacceptable. She replied: "There is nothing to discuss, I'm going home."

She was detained in a police cell overnight on Tuesday (4 October) because officers feared her driving could lead to a fatal accident.

Turner sparked the major police operation after she drove the wrong way round a roundabout in Thorpe, Essex.

She veered onto the opposite side of the road into oncoming vehicles, then refused to stop as cops pursued her along the A12.

She was followed by an unmarked police car from Thorpe to Weeley to the A120 and on to the A12.

Her speed varied from 10mph to 20mph on the 27-mile "chase".

An officer left his vehicle, ran alongside her Ford Fiesta, tapped on the window and asked her to pull over after Turner ignored emergency flashing lights.

Police formed a rolling road block and closed the A12 when she refused to pull over. She was eventually pulled over at Marks Tey - eight miles after entering the dual carriageway.

 Nutty old fart....I'm amazed they could find a woodentop that can run at 10mph...

 That’s it: I’m orf to look for a quaternary rainbow-maybe somewhere over......... 

And today’s thought: Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything.
- Frank Dane.

Angus

Tesco Law: Well- F##k you Boris: Grand price of energy: Lego of Star Wars: and Swiss Numpty.

Sunnyish, unwarmish and windyish at the Castle this morn, the study is overflowing with broken one eyed monsters, his Maj has decided that it is too cold to venture out and the Honda is up to 157 miles on twenty sqids worth of go juice.

I see that my favourite retailer will soon be able to sell consumer legal services in England and Wales for the first time following a change in law.

The government says the new Legal Services Act will offer more choice and better value for the public.

It says it also means law firms will benefit from investment and allow them to explore new markets.

Yeah right.....

 And:

Boris has decided that action will be taken so that police can arrest members of the public for swearing at them, Boris Johnson has promised.

The London mayor attacked police guidance advising officers not to try to arrest those who verbally attacked them on the basis that police should have thicker skins.

"I reckon we need to get back to where we were before some judge given law of 1988 and be clear that if people swear at the police, they must understand they will be arrested," Mr Johnson said.

I reckon that Boris should leave the alternative universe he seems to live in and join the real world.

 And:

The cheapest annual gas and electricity deal for UK households has hit £1,000 for the first time after above inflation price rises by energy companies.

The record energy bills come as three in 10 Britons admit that they are struggling to afford their energy bills.

Eight in 10 householders say they will be forced to start rationing their energy use by going without adequate heating, according to a survey of 2,300 people.

“Britain is on the brink of an affordability crisis when it comes to household energy,” said Uswitch.com, the price comparison site which carried out the survey.

The milestone of the £1,000 bill was reached earlier this week when Scottish Power pulled a £990 ‘dual fuel’ tariff from the market.

Mark Todd, a director at Energyhelpline.com, which released the findings about the £1,000 bills, said: “The cheapest energy tariffs keep getting axed and now there are no tariffs costing under £1,000 a year for an average home.”

 “This is the first time that has been the case and emphasises in stark terms how bills are reaching historic levels,” he said.

No shit........

Over in the sunny, old bit of the USA

A Star Wars fan spent six months and 30,000 Lego bricks recreating a scene from one of the movies.

Jay Hoff spent £1,500 on piecing together the moment the Emperor arrives to inspect a new Death Star in Return Of The Jedi.

Mr Hogg, a teacher, created the 6ft by 6ft model for his school's annual Science Discovery Day in Miami, Florida.

Pupils are expected to bring in a small Lego creation to display so he decided to join in to show his young charges how it's done.

He said: "The kids went absolutely crazy about it, which made it all worthwhile.

"I only got to display the model for one day and I still haven't had the heart to take it apart yet!"

Star Wars-science? And this guy is a teacher......

And finally: 

Over to the right a bit to the hilly, holey cheesy bit of Europe

A drink driver tried to park his car in a river after mistaking a slipway for an underground car park ramp in heavy fog.

Peter Thaler, 42, abandoned the car and walked home when he realised he'd almost ended up in the Ruess river in Sins, Switzerland.

But he was arrested the next morning when he returned to collect it while police were retrieving it and was still so drunk he failed an alcohol breath test.

"He was confused because of the fog but mostly because of the drink," said a police spokesman.

"He lost his licence and will be fined and will have to pay all the costs of the recovery of his car."

Didn’t have GPS then......

That’s it: I’m orf to check out the garden.

And today’s thought: I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good, either.

Angus