Cor- up your apple: Spare a room?: Dopey wants it all: Grilled Hawk: Oil move in: Old farts wisdom: and 5p a job returns.

Cold, calm and sunny at the Castle this morn, carried out some severe vandalism in the garden yesterday and took 17 bags of “recyclable” stuff dahn the dump.

The study has been occupied by a gang of Macs that appear to have caught a cold, so I have had to call in the local Paedophile Priest to carry out an exorcism, but I have kept the whip and chair in reserve.

 

And talking of all things Mac

The world's biggest technology company Apple has reported full year results, showing net profit for the year to 25 September at $25.9bn (£16.5bn), up 85% from the previous year.

In the fourth quarter of the year, Apple sold 17.1 million iPhones, which was a 21% increase on the same period last year, and 11.1 million iPads, which was a 166% increase.

Apple sold 4.9 million Mac computers in the quarter - up 27% over the same period last year. 

I hate Macs, I don’t know why but I do, but if you have a Mac virus you can get an antivirus Here.

And:

According to Welfare Reform Minister Lord Freud

Spare bedrooms for people in social housing are a luxury the country can no longer afford.

Asked by You and Yours presenter Julian Worricker, if a spare bedroom should be regarded as a "luxury" for those in social housing, Lord Freud said: "Exactly - we have got a housing benefit expenditure that is simply out of control.

"It's very unfair for taxpayers to have to fund people to live in property that's larger than they can afford themselves.

According to the Welfare Reform Bill, those currently living in social housing with one spare room can expect to lose £11 a week while those with two or more extra rooms may lose around £20 a week.

The proposals aim to address the shortage of social housing by matching families to the right size of accommodation but critics argue that there simply aren't enough smaller properties available.

Figures from the National Housing Federation suggest that around 180,000 social tenants in England are "under-occupying" two-bedroom homes, but just 68,000 one-bedroom social homes became available for letting in a single year. 

Our “caring” millionaires Club Coalition, simple answer-take in a lodger.....wonder how many “Lord” Freud has in his mansion.

And:

The Speaker of the House of Commons

Hi ho dopey Bercow has refused to cut his lucrative pension arrangements in line with other MPs and ministers.

Snow White’s mate’s retirement package, one of the most generous in the country, will pay him the equivalent of half his salary throughout his life, whenever he retires.

It is currently worth about £40,000 a year. A similar pension would cost more than £2million to fund privately.

Mr Bercow does not have to make any contributions to the scheme. He is entitled to an additional MP's pension, which requires contributions, although it is not known if he has accepted this option.

Alright for some.......

Over the big salty thing on the left

A customer who’d been driving at more than 60 miles an hour when a red-tailed hawk jammed into the radiator grille of his car appeared in the service bay of Park Place Lexus in Grapevine.

Matt Whitehead, a mechanic said "I looked in there and [the hawk] had his head turned kind of sideways," Whitehead said. "I could see his eye and he blinked."

The hawk was alive.

And soon, thanks to Whitehead, the bird was also free.

"Nothing was broke," Whitehead said. "He wasn't even missing a feather that I'm aware. I never even saw any feathers."

The hawk could flap, but not fly. So Whitehead loaded him up and drove him to veterinarian Greg Moore.

 Red tailed Lexus?

Back over to the North Sea

Fancy somewhere nice and quiet with plenty of spare rooms?

For sale: oil rig with sea view and 20 rooms- "Platform for sale in good condition: 20 rooms, panoramic sea view, plenty of space for a helicopter": the oil platform Huldra in the North Sea is up for grabs.

Norwegian Oil Company Statoil plans to dispose of the giant installation now that the oil well is drying up, and the company published a parody of a real estate advertisement in a brochure posted on its website on Tuesday.

Statoil noted tongue in cheek that the platform has no car park.

"How to get there: take the boat, go west out of Bergen and head out to sea," the ad reads.

The starting bid is set at one Norwegian krone ($0.17, 0.13 Euros) which is about £2.50 in “proper” money.


The only snag is that the future owner would also have to pay the cost of moving the platform elsewhere.
 

Wonder if it would fit in the moat?

According to research

Scientists have discovered that years of life experience makes older brains as effective when it comes to decision-making as much younger minds.

Older people were found to be less bothered by making a mistake and used their brains in a far more efficient way, only engaging certain parts of it at the exact moment that they were required.

The findings contradict previous theories claiming that our brains deteriorate with age, making us less able to make sound decisions.

Canadian researchers studied 24 young people aged 18 to 35 and a group of ten older people aged 55 to 75, all of whom still held down a job.

Study author Dr Oury Monchi, from the University Geriatrics Institute of Montreal, compared the findings to the fable of the hare and the tortoise. 

Oh well, it must be true then.....

 And finally:

 Its back

For one week a year eager young scouts will once again be seen in towns and villages across the country helping out with gardening, car cleaning and shopping.

Scout Job Week, affectionately known as Bob-a-Job week, which saw scouts carrying out jobs in return for a small payment was abandoned in 1992 after nearly 50 years, following concerns over "health and safety".

Fears raised that young people should not knock on the doors of strangers.

The week, now called Scout Community Week will be held in May next year, with youngsters throughout the UK helping out in their local areas and volunteering instead of being paid.

Oh joy......

That’s it: I’m orf to visit the space port. 

And today’s thought: You're just jealous . . . the voices only talk to me.

 

Angus  

Switch orf: 1st class mail: Pippa’s back: Todger revenge: and squirrel in the dark.

Cold, clear and a touch more than a tad breezy at the Castle this morn, the study is still void of any broken one eyed monsters, and I was woken up at three of the am by terrible wind, and the weather wasn’t much better. 

I see that the Piss Poor Policies Millionaire Club Coalition failed to front up to the “energy” companies coming up with an expected Piss Poor “solution”-change your supplier.

Chris (no nuclear/yes nuclear) Huhne said "We should be switching if we're not on the cheapest tariff and taking the opportunity ahead of this winter to really make sure that we're insulating so that we can save money."

 

So why is it that with new loft insulation, cavity wall insulation and double glazing with “heat reflecting” glass, the castle’s fuel bill has gorn up from £48 per month to £87 per month when the cost of “fuel” has only supposedly gorn up by 25%?

Piss poor liars.... 

And:

Royal Mail could be allowed to set the price of first class stamps for the first time, prompting fears that the cost of sending a letter will rise sharply.

Ofcom, the new postal regulator, is proposing to let Royal Mail set its own prices for first-class post. The price of second-class stamps will still be regulated, to ensure that those on low incomes can afford to use the post, but there are fears that the changes will create an exaggerated two-tier service.

 R.I.P snail mail.....

 And:

Pippa Middleton  has been snapped getting close with a mystery man at a boxing match as her boyfriend Alex Loudon looked on.

The 28-year-old - famed for her pert behind - was dressed in a plunging silk Alice Temperley number as she was lifted up on the dance floor Dirty Dancing style by the unknown man after the final round of the charity boxing event.

Nevertheless, Miss Middleton's 31-year-old long-term partner did not seem perturbed by her daring performance.

Although the couple attended the annual Boodles Boxing Ball two weeks ago, these photos have just been posted on the event's Facebook page.

Bit of a paunch there Pippa, not up the duff are we?

Over in the land of Agent Orange

A Vietnamese woman said she snipped off her husband's penis with scissors and threw it into a river after he allegedly had an affair and beat her, Taiwan police told AFP.

Police said the 30-year-old woman, identified only by her last name, Pan, cut off about half of her sleeping partner's penis at their home in Tainan.

Pan turned herself into police and faces assault charges, investigators said Sunday.

The woman claimed she threw the severed appendage into a river for revenge.

Her Taiwanese husband is 29, jobless and known to use drugs, police said.

His condition was not released.

Probably feeling a bit inadequate.....

 And finally:

 In the land of the overhead transformer and the home of the dark

A squirrel cut off half of Greenwich's power leaving 15,000 people in the dark for hours as they woke up.

Connecticut Light & Power spokesman Mitch Gross said the squirrel, which was zapped by tens of thousands of volts of electricity and died instantly, caused a piece of equipment in the company's Cos Cob substation to malfunction.

'The squirrel is history now,' Gross added.

The incident happened just after 8am and before Gross said at 10am that the outages would last for several more hours.

All power has since been restored to those affected.

I prefer my Squirrel baked rather than zapped...

That’s it: I’m orf to reinvent the wheel 

And today’s thought: Experience is what you get whenever . . . you don't get what you want.

 Angus

Silly Billy and repatriation: The lights are on but nobody is home: Woolly Penguins: Ex-moose: Psychopathic language: and Night, night Dahn Unda.

Cold, calm and cloudy at the Castle this morn, the study lies empty, I’m orf to Tesco with a pound in my pocket for the trolley and his Maj has decided that the lack of height in the liquid metal gauge is reason to stay inside. 

I see that U-turn Cam has decided that the government needs to work "harder and faster" to bring down energy bills.

The energy secretary has invited the six biggest power firms to meet consumer groups and regulator Ofgem.

Writing ahead of the meeting, Mr Cameron said they wanted to work out how to create a "trusted, simple and transparent" market.

 

Bollocks.....

 
And:
 

Silly Billy Hague

Has decided that there is no "immediate prospect" of repatriating powers from the European Union (EU).

The Foreign Secretary insisted he had "not gone soft and will never go soft on Europe".

However he said the Government's priority had to be ensuring the eurozone was stabilised without damaging Britain's interests.

"The repatriation of powers, which is something I support by the way, is not an immediate prospect because no countries are proposing widespread treaty change," Mr Hague told the BBC's Andrew Marr show.

He went on: "Our priority is for the eurozone to be stabilised and at the same time to protect the British national interest."

More bollocks...

Up in the Smoke

A government ­department facing massive cuts is ­wasting thousands of pounds at its new HQ... ­because the lights cannot be turned off.

Ken Clarke’s Ministry of Justice – which must slash £2billion from its £9billion annual budget – is throwing away cash every day as switches at the Prison ­Service building in London does not work.

Instead, Clive House uses a ­central ­timer, meaning the entire block is automatically lit up for hours whether lights are needed or not.

A source at the Central London site said: “Every light in the place is either on or off. As winter approaches, they’ll effectively be on 24 hours a day.” 

Bet the “energy” companies are rubbing their hands in glee.

Dahn Unda-and right a bit

Napier-based Skeinz Natural Yarn Store has knitters going like the clappers to make penguin jumpers for the Bay of Plenty disaster.

General Manager Brendan Jackson told NewstalkZB three to four dozen penguin outfits are likely to be needed.

The knitwear prevents the birds from preening their feathers and ingesting the toxic oil that they've been exposed to.

The Oiled Wildlife Response Unit is taking care of 91 animals as a result of the spill, mostly little blue penguins.

Bless...

Over in the Vermont bit of the States

The owner of the game park where Pete the Moose lived has taken responsibility for covering up the death of Vermont's favourite animal, the state's fish and wildlife commissioner said Saturday.

Pete, whose life in captivity helped prompt the state to pass new wildlife laws and who received a gubernatorial pardon last winter, died in early September at the Big Rack Ridge in Irasburg while being tranquilized during hoof trimming. But state officials insisted he was alive until Friday, even issuing a photo taken Thursday of a moose it identified as Pete.

Richard Nelson told WCAX-TV that the family misled the state.

"The blame goes to us," he said. "We're the ones that didn't say Pete died."

"We said we would take care of Pete, and then a few weeks later, geez, Pete died," he said. "And so we were mortified, and we said, `Oh, we'll just sit on this one.'"

Bit odd that-sitting on a dead Moose...

Across to the Big Apple

The language of psychopathic murderers provides a window to their souls, new research shows.

The words they use "match their personalities, which reflect selfishness, detachment from their crimes and emotional flatness," says Jeff Hancock, a professor of computing and information science at New York State's Cornell University. He conducted the study with colleagues at the University of British Columbia.

Psychopaths were more likely to use the past tense, suggesting a detachment from their crimes, say the researchers. They tended to be less fluent in their speech, using more "ums" and "uhs."

The exact reason for this is not clear, but the researchers speculate that the psychopath is trying harder to make a positive impression, needing to use more mental effort to frame the story.

 Sounds like Parliament...

 And finally:

Dahn Unda

Taxpayers have forked out for federal public servants to take lessons in how to get a good night's sleep.

The Department of Parliamentary Services also pays for its staff - which in 2010/11 totalled 847 - to use the gym in Parliament House.

The Department has revealed in its annual report that "health-related activities" during the year included seminars on the topics of diabetes, kidney health, cancer prevention, depression and "getting a good night's sleep".

Officials told a Senate estimates hearing in Canberra today that staffers also received free gym membership under their enterprise agreement.

"We are very concerned about health and well-being, both physical and mental, of our staff," Department boss Alan Thompson told the hearing.

Ten of the Department's staff earn more than $170,000 a year.

 
$170,000 Aussie dollars-that’s about £7.50 per annum.......

 
That’s it: I’m orf to Tweet my MP 

And today’s thought: "Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau. - Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, October 16, 1929

 Angus

Euro prop: Bat crossings: Peanut inflation: Bank bonuses: Don’t shoot Obama: and adopt an onion.

More than a whimsy of “mists and mellow fruitfulness” at the Castle this morn, the butler is desperately shoving fat teenagers into the furnace, the study is finally devoid of all things broke and bollixed up and his Maj is bored because he has nothing to play with-and this is why.

I see that son of a B...aronet (and alien reptilian in disguise) George Osborne

Said he was willing to consider a plan to increase the International Monetary Fund's firepower, provided a rescue deal had been agreed that would bring the two-year sovereign debt crisis to an end.

Osborne's qualified support for the creation of a larger global safety net could see the UK commit further loans to the IMF, though officials said a comprehensive rescue deal would make extra demands unlikely. His remarks were designed to support moves by G20 finance ministers to arrive at a definitive solution to the crisis while appeasing rightwing Tory MPs who have voiced concerns about extending further loans to the eurozone.

 Along with 64 million Brits...

Apparently

Civil servants have come under fire for spending half a million pounds of taxpayers' money - on building bridges for bats.

The Highways Agency has spent almost £500,000 on the five bridges across Norfolk in the past three years.

Now it wants to build six more bridges - which direct them over busy roads to avoid being hit by cars - as part of plans to widen the A11 near Thetford, Norfolk.  

Cheaper to put in pelican crossings....

 And: 

Allegedly

Peanut butter prices are set to shoot up in the coming weeks following one of the poorest peanut harvest seasons growers have seen in years.

Prices for a ton of runner peanuts, commonly used to make peanut butter, hit nearly $1,200 this week, according to estimates by the U.S. Department of Agriculture. That's up from just $450 per ton at this time last year.

Shoppers should expect these price increases to spread their way.

Kraft will raise prices for its Planters brand peanut butter by 40% starting Oct. 31, while ConAgra's Peter Pan brand will see prices jump between 22% and 24% this month, according to company spokesmen. A spokesperson for Unilever, which produces Skippy, would say only that the company "is watching the commodities market very closely and will take pricing adjustments as needed".

Marion Nestle, a nutrition professor at New York University said "For the average person in America," she said, "it would be a good idea to eat less of almost everything."

Back in the bunker Marion.

Dahn Unda

Bank staff are being offered Christmas party bonuses, free meals and other prizes to push more credit cards, loans, insurance policies and other products to customers.

Australia's biggest lender - the CBA - has launched a "double up" campaign to push personal bankers and tellers into selling twice as many products, such as increasing credit limits, each week.

The other three major banks - the NAB, ANZ and Westpac - are also forcing branch staff to meet stringent weekly sales targets as the "big four" battle for market share.

An internal CBA document obtained by The Sunday Telegraph reveals the pre-Christmas push to supersize customers - increase their credit limits, convince them to take out home and contents policies and open up new accounts.

"We are under increasing pressure from competitors who are looking for a greater share of our retail banking business," CBA retail banking boss Ross McEwan says in the document.

The briefing reads: "The campaign encourages sales teams to double their sales productivity during October and November to earn double the fun (and funds) at their end of year team celebrations."

As long as the W Bankers are going to have a good Crimbo.....

Over the Pacific

US secret agents feared a Royal Navy warship was about to blast Michelle Obama after it left its guns trained on her hotel room.

Spooked minders ordered the captain of HMS Edinburgh to stop pointing the Sea Dart missiles in the direction of the First Lady’s five-star suite.

But the guns contained only blanks loaded by sailors during a ceremony to mark the death of a colleague on board.

A source said the agents told them: “You can’t point those guns at the First Lady.”

But the minders were last night accused of over-reacting and they should have had known the Navy would not put anyone at risk, particularly the wife of the US president.

Mrs Obama was on an ­official visit to Cape Town, South Africa, when the ship came into port with her ceremonial Sea Dart missiles on show.

As she was moored the guns could be seen pointing at the five-star Table Bay Hotel where Mrs Obama was staying.

If only...

And finally:

Dahn in Kent

Diane Connor and three friends have set up a website appealing for veggie lovers to ‘save’ bulbs that have been forcibly pickled in jars.

The mother of four said: ‘I got the idea in the pub. There was a group of us talking about the different things you can adopt for charities.

‘One of the blokes with us said something like, “You may as well adopt a bleeding pickled onion”. When I got home I started thinking about it and thought it might actually work. I hope to make millions.’

The £6.99 adoption gift package includes a greetings card, certificate and a postcard from your chosen onion – each of which has a name and back-story.

Mrs Connor, 46, from Hextable in Kent, has written to Dragon’s Den investor Peter Jones and is desperate for a return on her £3,500 investment after husband Patrick’s building company went under.

 

IQ of an onion.....

That’s it: I’m orf to add an extension to the shed

And today’s thought:Get the facts first . . . you can distort them later       

Angus                                                                                                                                                                                                 

Fox hole: Oil be empty: Doped goats: Crap mobiles: Cat in a van: and Sky high sack.

 Clear, calm and very, very cold at the Castle this morn, his Maj is curled up on my lap instead of tearing around the garden and the study is still half full of expiring do-dads.

 

And talking of things computerised

I see that India's recently launched Aakash is the world's cheapest touch-screen tablet computer - with an off-the-shelf price of about $60. 

You gets what you pays for

And Mr/Dr/the right hon. Liam Fox has finally done the decent thing and buggered orf,

Allegedly the Defence Secretary had personally asked a City financier to bankroll his unofficial adviser.

Foxy Liam announced that he was resigning after detailed disclosures showed Mr Werritty’s activities were funded by companies and individuals that potentially stood to benefit from Government decisions.

Within an hour of Dr Fox stepping down, the venture capitalist Jon Moulton, who provided money for Mr Werritty, said the Defence Secretary had asked him to give cash to his friend’s firm. It is understood that an investigation into Dr Fox’s dealings with Mr Werritty by Sir Gus O’Donnell, the Cabinet Secretary, had concluded that his position was untenable.

Better late than never, but I look forward to seeing Sir/Dr Liam Fox in the Lords next year.....

According to “experts”

The end of oil is coming sooner than governments and oil companies are prepared to admit.

The assessment, based on officially reported figures, has once again pushed back the estimate of when the world will run dry.

However, scientists led by the London-based Oil Depletion Analysis Centre, say that global production of oil is set to peak in the next four years before entering a steepening decline which will have massive consequences for the world economy and the way that we live our lives.

According to "peak oil" theory our consumption of oil will catch, then outstrip our discovery of new reserves and we will begin to deplete known reserves.

BP's Statistical Review of World Energy, published yesterday, appears to show that the world still has enough "proven" reserves to provide 40 years of consumption at current rates.

Well; oil be buggered.......

Over in the land of the Capra hircus and the home of dope tests

Colorado officials have disqualified the grand champion goat from this year's State Fair because they say it tested positive for an unapproved drug.

The Pueblo Chieftain reported Friday (http://bit.ly/r2l4oQ) that a second goat entered by another child from the same family also was disqualified for the same drug.

Susan Weinroth of Sedalia says the family got a letter from the attorney general's office saying her family's goats tested positive for a feed additive approved for swine but not goats.

She suspects the food may have been tampered with and says the family reported their suspicions to officials. She says the family will appeal.

Disqualification means her daughter and son can't collect their earnings from the sale of the goats, $5,500 for the champion and $1,300 for the other.

Dopey pair.....

Back in Blighty

One in six cell phones in Britain may be contaminated with faecal matter that can spread E. coli, likely because so many people don't wash their hands properly after using the toilet, a new study contends.

The findings also suggest that many people lie about their hygiene habits, according to the researchers at the London School of Hygiene & Tropical Medicine and Queen Mary, University of London.

The study authors went to 12 cities and collected 390 samples from the cell phones and hands of volunteers, who were also asked about their hand-washing habits.

Ninety-five percent of the participants told the researchers that they washed their hands with soap and water where possible. However, lab tests revealed that 92 percent of phones and 82 percent of hands had bacteria on them. The researchers also found that 16 percent of hands and 16 percent of cell phones harboured E. coli bacteria, which is found in faeces and can cause serious illness.

The study was released to coincide with Global Handwashing Day on Oct. 15.

Moral- never borrow someone else’s Mobile....

Back in the States

A mechanic was the one doing the surgery at an Ohio animal facility when a woman drove in with a cat stuck behind her minivan's dashboard.

WBNS-TV reports the mechanic had to take apart the dash during a three-hour rescue operation Thursday in the Columbus suburb of Hilliard.

Driver Nehal Dhruve says she hit the cat with her van and decided to take it to the local humane society. The brown and black cat wouldn't stay on the van's seat but instead hopped down and climbed up under the dashboard.

Mechanic Daryl McKay cut his hands trying to free the feline, so an animal control staffer with smaller hands took over and pulled it out.

Dhruve says she now wants to adopt the cat.

After it has paid for the work.......

And finally: 

Back in Blighty

Construction workers who recreated a classic photo by posing on a girder 800ft above London may be fired for their stunt, the photographer claims.

Mick Crompton persuaded 11 of his friends to pose on the 48th floor of the Heron Tower with newspapers, doughnuts and a can of cider.

He hoped to recreate the famous 1930s image of steel workers on a lunch break as they built the RCA Building at New York's Rockefeller Centre.

But bosses are said to have taken exception to the 61-year-old's artistic efforts and have now warned the 'models' they could face disciplinary action.

It is claimed the workers breached health and safety rules by sitting sideways on the beam rather than straddling it.

Ah; the old Elfandsafety straddling ploy.....

That’s it: I’m orf to stock up on Nanotubes.

And today’s thought: If everything is relative . . . what is everything else?

Angus

Garden police: Bagel heads: Don’t shoot the Moose: Bikini sunset: Electric pavements: and an Ostrich in a hole.

Sunny, dry and calm at the Castle this morn, the study is bulging at the seams with non-adding machines and I inflicted some serious vandalism on the garden yesterday.


Bit late, slight problem with blogger-it doesn't want to insert hyperlinks, so I had to do it manually, and I can't centre any text without moving half the post as well.


Up in Hertfordshire

An elderly woman was left "mortified" after being confronted by Taser-wielding police officers - just for watering her neighbour's garden.

Patricia Cook was picking up loose apples and watering plants as a favour to her close friend Karen, who had gone on holiday to Scotland.

"I go to that house every week. My friend, Karen, went on holiday and asked if I would keep an eye on it - if I could water the plants.”

But the 67-year-old pensioner was suddenly faced by police carrying powerful Taser weapons after they scaled a 7ft fence to challenge her.

The drama erupted after another neighbour rang 999 fearing that burglars had broken in.
She had gone into her neighbour's garden opposite her house with her daughter Louise to water plants and pick some apples.

Karen had asked her to look after the house and garden while she was away on holiday.

But two police cars with flashing lights had dashed to the scene after less than 10 minutes of the two women going, with three officers climbing the garden fence.

Shocking.....

And over in the land of glowing things

A recent trend in body modification is implanting objects, such as magnets, in the skin.

But the latest thing is injecting saline solution under the skin, which results in “Bagelheads”.

A saline solution drip, which is injected at your local tattoo/piercing shop by a professional piercer. The injection causes massive swelling, which can then be moulded and pressed into the shape of your choosing.

Apparently, if a skin-shaped bagel isn’t enough for you, you can add food dye to give colour to your bump. So, with a few dots of black food colouring, I guess you could easily transform your plain old Bagelheads into a much more delicious cinnamon raisin.

The fad isn’t relegated to just the face. Low-IQ Japanese in Tokyo and Osaka have also been injecting bagels into their boobs, arms and arse.

Thankfully, the bagels only last for one night before your body absorbs the saline solution and the skin returns to normal. Possible side effects include headache, infection, stretched skin, the inability to wear a hat and looking like a real plonker.

If you want a permanent Bagelhead just have a wander over to the nuclear plant.

Left to the big bit above the States

Mounties in Newfoundland and Labrador say they get calls every day during the annual moose hunting season about people shooting the animals from the highway, sometimes while driving.

"They are basically reporting persons driving on the highways and secondary highways hunting from their vehicles," said Sgt. Boyd Merril. "Most honest hunters call it laziness. Some call it dangerous. The RCMP refers to it as unsafe, dangerous and illegal."

Merril said some people drive slowly along the highway, peering at the woods and impending traffic, while others stop to shoot moose from the roadside.

"As well, we get reports of some hunters driving with loaded firearms in their moving vehicles," he said.

The force is reminding people that this behaviour, however convenient, is unacceptable and can yield a slew of charges under the Highway Traffic Act, the Wildlife Act and the firearms sections of the Criminal Code.

"We have an enforcement campaign to deal with issues such as this, but we also have an awareness campaign, as some hunters may not know the difference - even though they should," said Merrill. "It is important to note that this is not the majority of hunters. It is a small but highly visible minority."

The mind boggles.....

Dahn a fair way

In New York, there's a clear line between public indecency and performance art and it's marked by the setting of the sun.

City officials have told artist Andy Golub who body paints nude women in public that his models cannot go bottomless until the sun goes down, the New York Post reports.

"It's a compromise that is allowing Andy to paint, and the police to do more important things - although less fun," said Golub's lawyer, Ronald Kuby, after a judge agreed to let charges against the artist lapse if he is not rearrested in six months.

Golub had been arrested for public lewdness in late July as he finished painting two nude women in Times Square.

Under an agreement approved prosecutors, he will be allowed to paint topless, but not bottomless, women all day long - subject to any crowd control issues.

Full public nudity is allowed in New York City, so long as it is part of a play, performance, exhibition or show.

Very liberal....

Back in Blighty

Paving slabs that convert energy from people's footsteps into electricity are set to help power Europe's largest urban mall, at the 2012 London Olympics site.

The recycled rubber "PaveGen" paving slabs harvest kinetic energy from the impact of people stepping on them and instantly deliver tiny bursts of electricity to nearby appliances. The slabs can also store energy for up to three days in an on-board battery, according to its creator.

In their first commercial application, 20 tiles will be scattered along the central crossing between London's Olympic stadium and the recently opened Westfield Stratford City mall -- which expects an estimated 30 million customers in its first year.

"That should be enough feet to power about half its (the mall's) outdoor lighting needs," said Laurence Kemball-Cook, a 25-year-old engineering graduate who developed the prototype during his final year of university in 2009.

The green slabs are designed to compress five millimetres when someone steps on them, but PaveGen will not share the precise mechanism responsible for converting absorbed kinetic energy into electricity.

They should put them on the roads; then I wouldn’t have to give half my income to the thieving gas and electric “suppliers”.


And finally:

Up a bit to Bedfordshire

An Ostrich gave a Rhino a close inspection; the two-tonne beast’s back legs left the ground when the bird pecked at flies and insects on his hide.

‘Ostriches are known for their lack of intelligence, their brain is smaller than one of their eyeballs, and this bird probably thought it was being friendly,’ said Abi Crowley, marketing manager for Woburn Safari Park in Bedfordshire.

'Kai has never met an ostrich and it's safe to say this encounter startled him.'


Makes a change from shoving its head in the sand I suppose, at least it is warmer....

That’s it: I’m orf to convert the Honda to electricity.




And today’s thought: The road to success is always under construction.

Angus

Lack of care: My blackberry is out of juice: Pompey Pensioners orf sex: Automatic Numpty: Fine bit of skidding: and a pilfered Pelican.

‘tis warm, calm and sunny at the Castle this morn, there was a massive ingress of broken adding machines into the study yestermorn, already been down to Tesco on the stale bread, gruel and pussy food run, last week I splashed out on sic crusty rolls-70p, this week I thought I would do the same-75p, thieving b’stards.....

 

It comes as no surprise that

Elderly patients in half of NHS hospitals are not being properly fed or cared for because of a lack of “kindness and compassion”, the health watchdog warns today.

The Care Quality Commission says that too often staff pay more attention to paperwork than those they are looking after.

Unacceptable care has become standard in some trusts, with doctors and nurses talking down to patients, ignoring their calls for assistance and failing to help them eat, drink or wash.

It isn’t just older patients that receive piss poor care.....and don’t listen to all the excuses-not enough staff, not enough money, not enough time or too many managers.

Apparently there is a problem with the Blackberry (again)

Angry BlackBerry users have called for compensation as the internet outage that has crippled their smart phones continued through Wednesday and spread to North America and Asia.

In a statement, RIM, which makes BlackBerry devices, said: "BlackBerry subscribers in the Americas may be experiencing intermittent service delays this morning"

The firm faced growing calls for compensation from users all over the world. European, Middle Eastern and African BlackBerry owners have now endured three working days without mobile internet access, including email and instant messaging.

RIM made no comment on the whether it would offer any money back as it battled to restore services. Users bombarded its Twitter accounts with demands for compensation on Wednesday afternoon.  

Run the video above, and all will be revealed.

Dahn in Pompey

It seems the pensioners of Portsmouth are simply not interested in sex, after a sexual health workshop for the over 60s failed to receive any interest.

Given the title Generation Sex, the workshop aimed to explore 'the realities of sex in the 21 century', encouraging the practice of safer sex among older people.

A spokesman for the event described it as having the potential to be 'frank, fun and factual' - however the event was cancelled due to lack of interest.

Portsmouth City Council's annual 60+ festival was to feature the workshop as a means of breaking down the taboo of people over 60 indulging in sex.

A spokesperson for the Council explained: 'The background was the risk of sexually-transmitted diseases in older people and the need to practice safer sex.

'It was decided to cancel the event because too few people booked places.'

Studies have shown that there has been a rise in STIs among over-45s, with a growing number of men and women over 60 becoming infected.

Given half a chance would be nice.....

Somewhere over in Europe

A BMW driver ended up plunging through a multi-storey car park wall after he put his automatic car into the wrong gear and then put his foot down.

Markus Barosch, 78, went plunging through the car park wall and was trapped for nearly an hour until firemen arrived to set him free.

The rescuers had to stop the car toppling backwards and prop up the demolished wall before they could rescue the trapped pensioner from Rathenau, Germany.

He escaped with a minor bruise but the car was a write off and will have to be scrapped, the Austrian Times reported.

Forward, reverse, it’s all in the box somewhere.

Dahn a bit

A biker is in trouble after being caught speeding - while sliding along the ground without his motorcycle.

Police in Switzerland say Boris Maier, 38, from Bern, set off a speed camera while careering helplessly at 67mph in a 50mph zone.

The speed camera failed to record what speed the bike was travelling as it slid down the road in a shower of sparks - focusing instead on the unlucky biker.

Traffic police believe he would have been going a great deal faster when he first saw the camera.

A police spokesman said: "It appears that he suddenly saw the traffic control measure ahead and lost control as he tried to slow down."

Police say the motorcyclist, who was wearing protective leathers, was unhurt apart from minor cuts and bruises.

He faces a fine and a police spokesman said he was lucky not only in surviving unhurt but also as he would have lost his licence if he had been going a fraction faster.

The incident happened between the towns of Cibourg and La Chaux-de-fonds, close to Bern and the French border.

 On skid row?

And finally:

 

Over to the left more than quite a lot

Authorities in the San Francisco Bay area town of Novato are in a flap about the theft of a park statue—a 700-pound bronze pelican.

The Marin Independent Journal says the statue, titled "Omay"—a Miwok Indian word for pelican—apparently was stolen over the weekend from a park near Scottsdale Pond.

The statue was commissioned by the city council in 2007 at a cost of $27,500. It is 9 feet tall with a 10-foot wingspan.

Novato police say it may have been stolen for its metal but the motive isn't clear yet. They're offering a $1,000 reward for information leading to the thieves.

Melted down Pelican....

That’s it: I’m orf to check out the TV.

And today’s thought: Learn from your parents' mistakes . . . use birth control.

Angus