Dwarf economy: Nifty note: Banger bonus: Corduroy messiah: and Show me the cup size.

Warmish, wettish and windyish at the Castle this morn, the study is devoid of dead do-dahs and I am getting ready to take his Maj to the Vets to have his crown jewels excised.

He hasn’t had anything to eat since 8 of the pm yesterdark thing and is now trying to devour my feet.

Not going to be a good day.

I see that the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition U-Turn Cam

Has ordered his sideboard ministers to come up with more "go-for-growth" policies yesterday as new figures showed that the economy grew by just 0.5 per cent in the three months to September, U-Turn Cam told ministers to "roll their sleeves up" and focus on implementing its growth strategy.

 Although the Prime Minister insisted there was "unity of purpose" in the Cabinet on the Government's fiscal strategy, his spokesman said his words reflected fears about the "obstacles" to pro-growth measures such as planning rules and clearing legal hurdles before major building projects could go ahead.

In the Commons, son of a B...aronet (and alien reptile in disguise) George Osborne rebuffed calls for a U-turn as he clashed with Ed Balls, the shadow Chancellor, who asked: "How much longer will the country have to wait before the Chancellor decides to listen?" Accusing Mr Osborne of complacency, he said the UK recovery was "choked off" by the Government's austerity package, not the crisis in the eurozone.

For once I agree with starey eyes Balls.

 And:

Apparently a new £50 note will enter circulation today, featuring images of Matthew Boulton and James Watt, leading figures of the Industrial Revolution. But the biggest change comes in the form of new security measures introduced by the Bank of England to deter counterfeiters.

One of these features, called Motion Thread, includes semi-translucent windows woven into the note that show the £ symbol and the number 50 when held up to the light.

"When a note is tilted from side to side, the images move up and down. And when the note is tilted up and down, the images move from side to side and the number 50 and £ symbol switch.

There are around 2.8 billion bank notes in circulation in the UK, including £9.9 billion in £50 denominations.

Most of which are in the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Cub Coalitions’ wallets....

East to the land of well made-ish cars and paper

A butcher shop employee in the German town of Braunschweig inadvertently handed a customer a bag containing more than 2,000 Euros ($2,835) in cold cash rather than the cold cuts she usually gets.

The 79-year-old pensioner paid five Euros for her package of cold cuts and veal steaks. She said she was surprised to find more than she bargained for when she opened the package at home.

“I was completely flabbergasted,” the pensioner told Bild newspaper. She called the butcher shop but it had already closed. So she called the police, who later returned it.

The owner of the butcher shop had packed the day’s take in a paper bag and placed it, as he usually does, next to the cash register. The employee mistook it for the customer’s cold cuts and unwittingly handed her the package.

The honest pensioner got a 100 euro reward from the butcher — and a free basket of sausages.

 

20 bags of cold cuts in the pipeline then...

 

West to the large round fruit

Corduroy fans in New York are anxiously awaiting November 11 - when they hope to welcome their 'messiah'.

The city's Corduroy Appreciation Club is seeking a child who turns 11 on 11/11/11 - the date it says resembles the ribs of its favourite textile.

"That child is the messiah of corduroy," Miles Rohan, founder of the club, told the New York Daily News. "We liken it to finding the Dalai Lama."

The New York-based club said it had already been contacted by twins from Wisconsin who will turn 11 on November 11.

But they are looking for a locally based child to attend their "grandest meeting" in Manhattan on that date.

The child will be installed on a throne and treated like textile royalty after being carried into the meeting.

Members who attend the meeting will also be required to wear three items of clothing made of corduroy, instead of the regular two.

Is that child abuse?

 And finally:

Over to the cold bit of Europe

A Swedish branch of a Scandinavian lingerie chain has come under fire from some employees for having them wear tags displaying their bust circumference and bra cup size.

The question is whether they're displaying the information willingly and now the Commercial Employees' Union says it may sue the chain Change over the policy, The Local Sweden reports.

A former employee claimed the tags were mandatory when she started work there and "you receive a document which states that 'name tag with size is always worn' so to me that doesn't reflect that it was voluntary. It isn't great when you're out on the town and people greet you with your name and cup size".

One anonymous employee earlier told union paper Handelsnytt.

"We have dirty old men coming into the shop looking at my cup size. Why should everyone get to know that?

I’m not that old......

 

That’s it: I’m orf to try out a tractor beam 

And today’s thought: I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to respect.

 Angus

DWP in the surgery: Up your debt: Crabby crab: Thick Knicks: and a smashing Taxi.

There is definitely meteorological activity at the Castle this first day of November, damp, dull and dingy, the study is partially crowded with ailing laptops and last night the dear little Kiddlies came round begging for stuff that will make them even fatter and rot their teeth.

So I left them a small bag of “goodies” on the portcullis, some nice Hot sweets out of the bag and some chocolate which will give them some exercise-isn’t Ex-Lax a wonderful invention....

 Also in Blighty:

It seems that the Dept of Witless Pillocks

Has got together with the Piss Poor GMC to harass GPs into “encouraging” patients with long-term illnesses to find a job.

The Department for Work and Pensions responded to a General Medical Council consultation to suggest that doctors should regard a patient returning to work as an “essential” indicator of successful clinical treatment.

Niall (dickhead) Dickson, the chief executive of the GMC, said the phrase was inserted because there was a lot of evidence that “productive activity can be life-enhancing”. “We don’t want to suggest doctors become policemen of the state,” he said. “It has to be where it is in the patient’s best interest that encouragement and support is given.”

A Department for Work and Pensions spokesman said: “Being in work is good for people’s health and well-being and most people with common health problems can return to work with the right support, which is why the department is committed to helping those who can work back into employment, while ensuring those who are too sick to work receive support.”

 Looks like there will be redundancies at the Job Centre Minus then...

And allegedly:

Britons have taken on the highest levels of debt since the height of the recession in May 2009 as they struggle to fund the rising cost of living, official figures have found.

Households have amassed £208.6 billion of outstanding debts in credit cards, bank overdrafts and other loans, equivalent to £9,070 for every household in the country.

In the past year household debts - excluding mortgages - have risen by over £5 billion, the biggest annual increase since the recession, the Bank said.

In the last month alone, Britons have increased their debts by £629 million.

Economists said that the figures show that people are having to borrow money simply to fund their day-to-day living in the face of rising inflation.  

No shit...

East to the land of expensive gas and crap cars

A man wearing a Russian soldier's cap was following a group of crabs as they walk alongside the curb of a rural road.

The man catches one of the crabs and holds it up to his face.

The crab clips onto the man's nostril, making him scream out in pain, but that doesn't stop the crab.

It continues to clamp down as the man's nose starts to turn white from the pressure

Though the first minute of the clip is the pursuit, the action comes in the last 15 seconds.

Go on have a laugh...

East even further to the land below Il Jong Kim’s place

The government of South Korea has ordered all government employees to start wearing thick underwear—the high-tech thermal kind preferred—to stave off quickly rising energy consumption levels.

As of January 17^th, public servants in South Korea must turn off all heating devices from 11:00am to 12:00am and 5:00pm to 6:00pm. In addition, at all other times the heating cannot be set any higher than 18-degrees Celsius, or 64-degrees Fahrenheit.

To prevent a possible blackout, the government is encouraging its employees to be extra frugal with their energy use. Long johns are okay, but thermal underwear is recommended. If employees are going to waste energy to stay warm, better they waste their own.

Sounds a bit like the advice given to those in fuel poverty in warm old Blighty.

And finally:

Back in the land of expensive oil and tractors

A drunken taxi driver was caught naked by police in Moscow following a rampage in which he smashed into 17 cars.

City police became aware of Vitaly Grodi's erratic driving after he ignored a road sign and refused to stop.

The driver bumped into 17 vehicles including a police van – reports The Russian News & Information Agency RIA Novosti

He also narrowly avoided hitting a school bus.

The driver was finally caught by officers who were shocked to find him in nothing but his birthday suit when he emerged from his cab.   

The taxi driver told police he was unhappy and had decided to get into his cab following an argument with his girlfriend.

Bet he wasn’t even wearing a seat belt.

That’s it: I’m orf to chase a Neutrino 

And today’s thought: Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire public relations officers.

Angus

Snowy Army: Empty cells: Bad bad luck: Naked Elfandsafety: and Yoda loses the force.

Damp, drizzly and dreary at the Castle this morn, been to Tesco on the stale bread, gruel and pussy food run, and his Maj is curled up next to me on the sofa.

Wonder how he will react to his first winter?

And talking of the cold bit to come

The Army is to be put on standby this winter as part of emergency planning measures in case of a severe freeze.

Ministers are determined to avoid the panic that gripped the last Government when it was thought to be close to having to shut down motorways because of a grit shortage.

Coordinated plans to be announced tomorrow will include calling troops in, in the event that roads do become impassable for ambulances.

However a two-million tonne salt stockpile will be in place to try to keep them open.

I won’t hold my breath.....

 And:

Eleven prison officers are being paid to guard a jail with no inmates.

Latchmere House, in Richmond, South West London, was closed last month but staff are still working there to provide ­­“security”.

Spiffing...

 

East a lot to the ex colony

A Hong Kong based widow from the Ma On Shan district ended up killing a passing pedestrian when she lost her footing and fell from outside her high-rise flat. The elderly and considerably larger woman, Lam, was picking up her washing when she slipped and plunged down from the 27th floor.

According to various reports, Lam was outside her flat, collecting clothes from a drying rack when the accident took place.

The other victim was Chan Kwai-mui, a 51 year old cleaner, who was on her way from work. Unfortunately for her, she got caught in Lam’s tragic flight downwards.

It’s not the fall that kills you, its landing on some poor passerby...

East even more to the Big apple

City officials have flushed all the fun out of a downtown art exhibit.

The Department of Health warned the New Museum yesterday that it can no longer have more than one visitor at a time splashing around -- often nude -- in a giant bathtub that’s part of an adult-playground exhibition.

“The Health Department contacted administrators at the New Museum and advised them of the requirements in the Health Code and the conditions that would require approval and a permit,” said DOH’s John Kelly.

“The New Museum made the decision to limit the use of the tank to one person.”

The swirling “Psycho Tank” of super-salted water -- which is warmed to body temperature -- is a highlight of Carsten Höller’s “Experience” exhibit.

Visitors sign a form saying they do not “have any communicable diseases or other adverse health conditions that could be transmitted by being in water with others.”

Once they were immersed, jets of water would send strangers bouncing into each other in the buff.

Bugger it; I have just paid for the plane ticket...

And finally:

Over in the land of banks with a lot of money

German police called to a traffic incident early Sunday found themselves face-to-face with Jedi master Yoda from Star Wars, much the worse for wear after Halloween celebrations.

In the early hours of Sunday morning, a 42-year-old male driver, resplendent in his Yoda costume, had a minor collision with a pedestrian and sped off in his car, only to be collared by a police vehicle two minutes later.

The pedestrian was left with only light injuries following the accident, but the Jedi master look-alike found himself on the wrong side of the law and, despite his green mask, was left decidedly red faced.

"The officers were especially surprised to see ... Grand Master Yoda at the wheel," said the statement from police in the city of Darmstadt, near Frankfurt in western Germany.

It appears Yoda had enjoyed his evening too much to be driving and authorities took him to the station, confiscated his licence and took a blood sample. "The hapless Jedi returned home on foot," said police.

 

"Much to learn, you still have."

That’s it: I’m orf to relocate to Russia 

And today’s thought: Snowflakes are one of nature’s most fragile things, but just look what they do when they stick together.

Angus

Useless, inept, lying U-Turning bastard: In–out NHS: Alien pussy: Posh UFO: Wet guide to Queensland: and some Euro Jokes.

Not bad at all at the Castle this Sunday morn-warmish, dryish and calmish, bit late or is that early, I get confused when they bugger about with the time machines, and his Maj isn’t very happy to have to wait an extra hour for his food.

And talking of his Maj and his love of edibles, he adores his Whiskas, is ecstatic about his Dreamies but goes wild at the thought of a “Chewy”stick, and just to prove it below is a short clip of him climbing my battered old bod to get at one.

And here is a new game-spot the cat, click on the photo to enlarge.

Back to the boring stuff

David Cameron's cast-iron pledge to insulate the NHS from cuts has been broken, official figures revealed for the first time yesterday.

The statistics – showing that spending fell in real terms during the coalition government's first year – will fuel controversy over whether the Prime Minister has been honest with the public about the NHS.

The official analysis from the House of Commons Library – which is independent of political parties – shows that in real terms, when inflation is taken into account, NHS spending fell by £800m in 2010-11.

The Prime Minister, whose party manifesto at the last election pledged to "increase health spending every year", has gone out of his way to say the coalition government would protect frontline health cash.

In June Mr Cameron launched five NHS "guarantees you can hold me to and that I will be personally accountable for" – including "not to cut spending on the NHS, but to increase it".

The only thing that has been ring fenced at No10 is the lying bastard’s rear exit.....

And staying on the subject of the old lady

A series of NHS executives who quit their posts with lucrative payoffs have been re-employed on temporary contracts worth thousands of pounds a day.

In one case an official given a £300,000 payoff was re-employed on daily rates of £3,400.

He was among 14 "temporary" executives on more than £1,000 a day, according to NHS accounts. Most had previously worked elsewhere in the health service.

The "revolving door" of managers includes one who had to leave a previous job in disgrace after he presided over a hospital whose own doctors said some of its services were worse than the Third World.

MPs expressed concern at the scale of payments being made to senior managers.

Don’t express “concern” do something about you bunch of Wankers...

East to the land of ex communism

Siberian air traffic controllers claim that a female-sounding alien spoke to them in a cat-like language.

They say that a mysterious object - which they believe was a high-speed UFO - appeared on flight monitors over the remote Russian city of Yakutsk according to the Daily Mail .

The aviation workers tried to make contact with the ship, as evident in a video posted to YouTube.

"I kept hearing some female voice, as if a woman was saying mioaw-mioaw all the time," one air traffic controller told the pilot of a passing Aeroflot flight.

The UFO was automatically designated as "00000" as it did not have a flight number.

Airport officials have not commented on the footage.

I do like a bit of alien pussy...

Left more than a smidge

LA Galaxy and former Manchester United and Real Madrid soccer player David Beckham's wife, former Spice Girl and now fashion designer Victoria Beckham, Tweeted: "UFO hovering above our house last night!!!!!" X vb" and posted a picture of the said UFO.

37-year-old Victoria has joined a list of celebrity sightings of UFOs.

Robbie Williams has seen them, and just last week, Miley's father and country crooner, Billy Ray Cryrus, spotted his own visitation.

I want some of what they are taking.....

Dahn Unda

The State Government of Queensland will spend nearly $4 million on an education campaign telling Queenslanders how to get ready for the wet season.

Emergency Services Minister Neil Roberts says the program, which includes a state-wide mail out of a guide to 1.9 million letterboxes, will help people understand potential dangers, advise them how to prepare and tell them where to get more information and help.

The $3.8 million campaign will also encourage people to be prepared to sit it out at home for a minimum of three days if essential services and transport routes are cut.

``Less than 10 months ago Queensland was devastated by one of the worst series of natural disasters to impact our state, which included widespread flooding and the most severe tropical cyclone to make landfall in 100 years,'' Mr Roberts said in a statement.

 Wasn’t Piss Poor Policies U-Turn Cam in Aussie this week?

And finally: 

Some “jokes” about the Eurozone

And before you start I didn’t write them, I am just “reporting” them so don’t get pissed orf with me.

Q:"Why did Greece fail to get the latest instalment of EU/IMF aid?"

A:"Because no one in Greece works long enough to complete the application form."

"A Greek, an Irishman and a Portuguese go into a bar and order a drink. Who picks up the bill?

A German."

In Bratislava -- 'For 400 Euros you can adopt a Greek. He'll stay at your place, sleep late, drink coffee, have lunch and then take a nap, so you can go to work.'" 

Q:"What's the difference between Iceland and Ireland?"

A:"One letter and about six months,"

Q: "How many European finance ministers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. There's nothing wrong with the light bulb."

Q: What economic model correctly forecasts the outlook for the European economy? A double-dip recession, a V-shaped recovery, or something else?

A: The bathtub. A steep decline, then a period of stagnation, then it goes down the drain.

Q: How do you know it's going to be a double-dip recession?

A: Greek exports of taramosalata and tzatziki have plunged.

 I said they were “jokes” I didn’t say they were funny.

 That’s it: I’m orf to search for knotweed.

 And tomorrow the dear little children will bang on strangers doors begging for sweets, bless...

And today’s thought: Anyone who uses the phrase “easy as taking candy from a baby” has never tried taking candy from a baby.

Angus

Moving law, order and other tales

Warmish, calmish and dampish at the Castle this morn, the study is devoid of any non functioning machines, his Maj has decided to find the muddiest bit in the garden, have a roll about in it and then sit on my lap....

I see that the biggest car park in the world is twenty five

At 117-mile (188km) and more than 11 years to build, cost £1bn and used more than two million tonnes of concrete and 3.5 million tonnes of asphalt. The M25 is a monster of the road in many ways.

The final section was opened by Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher in October 1986 to a huge fanfare. It has gone on to change many things, including our economy, environment and living habits.

Happy birthday.....

 And: 

U-Turn Cam’s “support team” spent £3,500 plus to join him on holiday

Allegedly; newly released details on government spending showed that members of his private office charged taxpayers almost £3,600 to act as the “Prime Minister’s support team during a visit overseas (holiday in Ibiza)”.

A Cabinet Office spokesman said the spending covered accommodation for members of Mr Cameron’s private office “to enable him to continue working when he was on holiday so he could stay in contact with Downing Street at all times”.

The disclosure came in new data showing civil servants have racked up more than £360 million of debit card bills since the Coalition came to power.

It emerged that the Ministry of Defence has spent £48,000 in “bars, lounges, taverns and discos” and £1,260 at “bowling alleys” since April.

Since the beginning of the year, officials from the Department for Transport have stayed at hotel chains, including Hilton, Sheraton and Malmaison.

The Ministry of Justice, which looks after prisons, records more than £3,000 of payments to hair and beauty parlours, £1,700 to a classic car dealership and more than £900 to a company called The Wedding Direct.

But forget not-“we are all in this together”.

  

Over in the land of the brave and the home of the free

A former Creek County judge convicted of exposing himself and using a male enhancement device while seated at the bench is not eligible to receive judicial retirement benefits, the Oklahoma Supreme Court ruled on Tuesday.

The high court upheld a decision by the Oklahoma Public Employees Retirement System Board of Trustees, ruling that Donald D. Thompson, a 23-year veteran of the Sooner State legal system, violated his oath of office by using a penis pump while presiding over trials, according to NewsOK.

Thompson served about 20 months in prison after being found guilty in 2006, at which time his monthly pension of $7,789 was discontinued.

During his own trial, Thompson unsuccessfully argued that the criminal actions did not disrupt the proceedings in his courtroom. 

The Westminster Wankers should look out then...

Up a bit to the cold bit of the States

The captain of a supply boat was arrested on suspicion of drunken driving after his vessel ran aground early on Thursday in Anchorage's small-craft harbour, police said.

It appears to be the first case of an alcohol-related marine accident at the port of Anchorage in recent memory, said Lieutenant Dave Parker of the Anchorage Police Department.

The vessel, a 53-foot cargo craft, was steered up onto the harbour's concrete boat ramp, where it was left "high and dry," Parker said. On its way into port, boat also appeared to have struck and damaged an offshore piling, he said.

A blood-alcohol test of the captain, Albert Anderson, 57, revealed he was at least one-and-a-half times the legal limit for operating a motor vehicle or water craft, Parker said. 

Police are treating the case as a routine drunken-driving incident, albeit one that does not involve a car, he said.

 What shall we do with the drunken sailor-Put him in the bilge and make him drink it.

Back in Blighty

A policeman illegally parked a patrol car so he could tick off other drivers for poor parking.

The officer ignored road markings and left his vehicle with two wheels on the pavement as he monitored parents dropping off their children outside Thorpe Hesley Junior School near Rotherham, Yorkshire.

But his badly parked car was captured on camera and he later apologised after being disciplined by senior officers.

Parent Kevin Leach, 32, said: ‘The policeman was marching up and down, strutting his authority in an attempt to ensure the rules of the law were being followed.

The old “do as I say, not what I do” ploy.

Right a smidge to the land of fast roads

Four Britons driving a car transformed into a pirate ship were stopped by German police as they drove through Europe on their way to a competition.

The motley bunch dressed head-to-toe in pirate attire were on their way to an iconic vehicle contest.

The amateur ship - aptly named Black Pearl after Pirates of the Caribbean’s star Jack Sparrow's beloved boat - troubled motorway authorities near Holzkirchen in Germany.

It is believed the four-wheeled pirate ship was heading towards Munich when it was spotted and stopped.

The pirate wannabees - who have not been identified by police – were sent on their way after testing negative for alcohol and supplying necessary documentation.

A police spokesman said: ‘They had a road safety certificate for all of the modifications including the mast and the galley and so we wished them a safe voyage and allowed them to continue on their way.’

Handsomely

Back over to the land of big cars and even bigger trucks

While fire-fighters in Pittsburgh were at City Hall getting flu shots, the trucks they parked outside were getting parking tickets.

The trucks were parked for about 5 minutes Wednesday in permit-only spaces reserved for City Council members. But council President Darlene Harris denies any involvement.

Mayor Luke Ravenstahl says the tickets never should have been issued. He says fire-fighters were encouraged to get flu shots to stay healthy.

Fire-fighters union attorney Josh Bloom says they drove the trucks to City Hall so they could stay on duty.

Fire Chief Darryl Jones tells KDKA-TV he has appealed the tickets. He says he'll ask a judge for leniency.

 Who will probably be too busy “pumping up” to listen.

And finally:

Back to the thin blue line in bollixed up Blighty

A female police officer who hit her head on a cabinet after the back of chair snapped off received £10,000 compensation, figures show.

Another officer was paid £5,000 after slipping on a wet patch in a lavatory, according to Bedfordshire Police.

A Public Protection Officer who burnt his hand in flames at training course at RAF Cosford - £4,875

A Response Volume Crime Officer received a knee injury after he lost control approaching a corner - £1,600

A Response Officer put his hand through a pane of glass while running out of a station on a 999 call - £2,052

And.

A Central Ticket Office staff member claimed that complaints about backache and an "uncomfortable workstation" were not addressed - £1,000

Compo coppers......
 

That’s it: I’m orf to berate a Seagull 

And today’s thought: Every rule has an exception-especially this one.

Angus

Old age: Market forces: Killer rights: Vic’s Knicks: Pumpkin Pillock: and the Roman Empire fine.

Wet, windy and wanting at the Castle this morn, the study is filling up with comatose computers and his Maj is waiting for next Wednesday when he has his dangly bits lopped orf-not. 

Getting on a bit isn’t a lot of fun, bits stop working properly, things seem to move on their own accord to places that you can’t find, you move a lot slower but time seems to speed up, you buy more food but eat less and the face in the mirror doesn’t look like you at all. 

But, does the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition give a Tortoises’ Testes

No; at one time not so long ago age was a sign of wisdom and maturity deserving of respect, now it appears that those of us who are tottering towards the last of the summer wine are just a burden, we are economically void, and all “they” can see is an ever increasing drain on the economy.

The latest attack on the teenage challenged is that the ‘government’ funding for nursing homes and support for frail pensioners has been cut by almost a fifth.

More than £1.3 billion has been removed from councils’ annual spending on help for the over-65s since the Coalition came to power, House of Commons analysis found.

Most councils are increasing the fees they charge families for home help and meals on wheels as they attempt to plug the funding gap left by Treasury cuts.

Last year, son of a B...aronet (and alien reptile in disguise) George Osborne, who apparently is the Chancellor, promised an extra £2 billion for councils to spend on care homes, meals on wheels and help for the elderly and disabled with daily tasks such as washing and dressing.

The analysis of government figures conducted by independent researchers in the Commons Library suggested that this extra money, which was not “ring-fenced”, had not made it to the front line.

 Probably because “we” have sent it to India in “aid”, makes you think...doesn’t it?

And while the old look forward to –not a lot

Britain's top company directors have enjoyed a pay rise of almost 50% in the past year, taking their average earnings to almost £2.7m.

A study of FTSE 100 companies by Incomes Data Services (IDS) showed that the 49% increase, which covers salary, benefits and bonuses, was higher than the 43% seen by chief executives.

Average bonus payments for directors increased by 23% from £737,000 in 2010 to £906,000 this year, said the report.

Steve Tatton of IDS said: "Britain's economy may be struggling to return to pre-recession levels of output, but the same cannot be said of FTSE 100 directors' remuneration.

"The generous remuneration packages that FTSE 100 directors now receive indicate a marked improvement in boardroom fortunes. 

Unlike the rest of us.

Over in the land of the free and the home of the 13^th amendment

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) claim the chain of theme parks violate the rights of killer whales under the 13th Amendment of the US Constitution.

Five performing whales at SeaWorld - Tilikum, Katina, Corky, Kasatka, and Ulises - are listed as plaintiffs in the complaint.

"All five of these orcas were violently seized from the ocean and taken from their families as babies," said PETA president Ingrid Newkirk.

"They are denied freedom and everything else that is natural and important to them while kept in small concrete tanks and reduced to performing stupid tricks," she said.

SeaWorld San Diego labelled the lawsuit, filed in the city on Tuesday, as "offensive". 

So why aren’t the Orca families suing then?

North of the border

A large pair of Queen Vic’s white silk bloomers, with a price tag of £3,000, is to be sold alongside a selection of other undergarments.

Black-and-white, hand-stitched silk stockings she wore when she went into mourning over the death of husband Prince Albert are expected to fetch between £500 and £800.

And three pairs of silk stockings, a lace night-gown and a pair of her gloves will also be sold.

The collection comes from the contents of Old Battersea House - the London home of the Forbes family, the American publishing dynasty.

The items will be auctioned by Lyon and Turnbull at their Edinburgh salesroom on November 1.

Must have a look through the Angus draws draw, there may be gold in them thar pants...

 

West a lot and up a bit

A teenager attacked with a pumpkin was taken to hospital Wednesday in a town north of Toronto.

Police said they were called to a high school where a 59-year-old man and a 17-year-old chased down another boy over a dispute. The 17-year-old then assaulted the victim, who is 18, while the man cheered him on. During the attack the victim was hit on the head with a large pumpkin, police said.

He was treated by paramedics and taken to hospital.

The man and the teen, both of Innisfil, were arrested.

The pumpkin was sentenced to be hollowed out and a silly face cut in the front and dragged around the neighbourhood by begging children.

And finally:

East to the land of Berlusconi and down a bit

Police in Sicily issued a whopping 32,000 Euros ($44,500) fine for an illegally parked car after totting up 2,000 years of interest by mistake, Italy's Repubblica newspaper said Wednesday.

The interest due was calculated from the year 208 A.D. after a policeman dated the fine back to the year 208 instead of 2008.

"When she opened the envelope with the parking fine, the owner of the vehicle had a dizzy turn and had to be taken to hospital," the paper said on its website.

The police later acknowledged the error and the woman's husband stumped up the 102 Euros actually due. 

He should pay it in Denarius.

That’s it: I’m orf to look for Drake’s body-should be easy to find-it‘ll be the one with bowls on it.

And today’s thought: Retirement is the time when you never do all the things you intended to do when you were still working.

Angus

NIMBY Charlie: “Cratering” Blighty: Devon “pits”: Marmite scent: Sausage and mash: and Armageddon-again.

Wet, windy and wobbly at the Castle this morn, the study is vacant of all things broken and I have just got back from the stale bread, gruel and pussy food run at Tesco.

It is getting hard to understand the language dahn there-Russian, Polish, Nepalese and the odd English, but we are “multicultural”-aren’t we?

And talking of those not indigenous to our fair Isle

It seems that more than 5,000 foreign criminals who should have been deported remain in the UK, an official report has said.

The number who are not deported or cannot be deported at the end of their sentence is increasing, the independent inspector of the UK Border Agency said.

John Vine said the majority of successful appeals against deportation were made on human rights grounds.

The Home Office said it was deporting foreign criminals quicker and is changing immigration rules.

It appears that the Human Rights of those crims from foreign parts are more important than ours....

 And:

 

Her Maj’s oldest offspring

Has joined a campaign to save the ‘fairytale forests’ of Romania, because his Transylvanian ancestors can be traced back to Vlad the Impaler.

Many of the tiny Saxon villages have not changed for centuries and bears and wolves can still be found in the woods.

However rapid economic growth in the new EU country of Romania means that both the forests and the ancient way of life is under threat from building and demand for timber.

The Prince, who recently brought a home in a small village in the area, is calling for protection for the forests before they are lost forever like the woodland that once covered much of Britain.

Not in Charlie’s back yard then, but he will have to be careful of the wolves and bears-I hear they like a nice old nag...

 

Apparently: 

Living standards will drop, the UK economy is "Cratering" and growth will fall to only 0.5 per cent next year, well below the Government's official projections, warned Adam Posen, a member of the Bank of England's interest-rate setting Monetary Policy Committee.

He was speaking exclusively to The Independent in his first interview since prevailing in his personal crusade to persuade members of the MPC to restart the Bank of England's £200bn quantitative-easing programme. 

“Cratering”, is that like “planking” or “Owling”? Whatever it is we are stuffed...

Dahn in the Western bit of Blighty

According to police young children are stealing to pay off gambling debts they've run up playing marbles.

The craze, called "Pits", involves flicking the marbles into an open water meter cover in the street surface. Police in Plymouth, Devon, said groups of up to 40 youngsters, some as young as five, are playing the game in the street.

And parents have complained that some children are resorting to stealing cash, DVDs and computer games to pay off debts.

Police and housing association staff are now going door to door in the area to talk to parents about the problem. Letters have also been sent to parents by the nearby school.

Sue Shaw, a director at Plymouth Community Homes, said: "Youngsters can end up very frightened when they find out that someone thinks they 'owe them' money - and we would encourage anyone in this position to speak to their parent or carer straight away."

Lost my marbles years ago...

Up North a bit

Burton-on-Trent has got its own designer scent which apparently smells of Marmite, leather, pickle and beer.

The city, said to smell of ale from the surrounding hops fields, has inspired the bizarre new perfume called Eau-de-Burton, reports the Daily Telegraph.

Businesswoman Victoria Brookes thinks her new fragrance works perfectly and is selling it for £36.50 in the run up to Christmas.

She said: "Burton is known for its smell but not always in a good way. But the perfume smells really good - I have had lots of compliments from people.

"It is made up of Gourmand, representing Marmite and Branston Pickle, which were invented in Burton.

"It also has leather, representing the boots and footballs used at Burton Albion, and Ambra, inspired by amber nectar, the beer which made Burton famous worldwide.

Problem is it makes your toast soggy...

Up in the Smoke

A cash machine in East London, is offering customers the choice of using the service in either Standard English or Cockney.

The ATM, in Leytonstone, asks if you want Sausage & Mash (cash), a balance on Charlie Sheen (screen balance) or a Huckleberry Finn change (pin change).

You can also choose to have a Lady Godiva (£5), Speckled Hen (£10), Commodore (£15), Horn of plenty (£20), Pony (£25), Dirty (£30), Double Top (£40) or a Nifty (£50).

One customer said: "This is brilliant. I think it's great to have a bit of light-hearted fun during this current financial climate.

"It's tough enough withdrawing cash when you've not got much but if you can do it with a giggle it makes all the difference."

 Wonder what sausage and mash is in Polish?

And finally: 

According to Carl Johan Calleman

Tomorrow will be the end of the world-again, Calleman believes that the end of the Mayan Long Count Calendar is October 28, 2011, and not, as was previously thought, December next year.

“It seemed to me,” says Calleman on his website, “that it would be of greater value to humanity if I could solve the Mayan calendar, than if I could solve the riddle of cancer.”

 Nutter...

 

That’s it: I’m orf to offer my “expertise” to the Met Office. 

And today’s thought: If you can’t convince them, confuse them. - President Harry S Truman

Angus