One million scroungers: Fornicating Harry: Elfandsafety Numpty: Sack a Santa: Dead loss in Spain: Pasty penny: and exploding toilets.

The usual meteorology at the Castle this morn-damp, dark, drear and a bit depressing, the study is filling up with suicidal thingamys and his (no nuts) Maj is busy chasing anything that moves-and doesn’t move around the garden.

James over at Nourishing Obscurity left an interesting comment on yesterday's post, "U-Turn Cam has said increasing UK contributions to the International Monetary Fund "does not put Britain's taxpayers' money at risk".

He assumes, quite rightly as it turns out, that people are thick as a brick, don't read and don't remember.

So he can get away with saying these things.

I agree 100%, what is the matter with us? Why are we willing to put up with a useless bunch of wankers in Parliament that are only interested in feathering their own nests at our expense?

Apparently almost one million people will be stripped of their incapacity benefit payments and forced to look for jobs under major reforms to the welfare system over the next three years, research has found.

The Coalition’s tougher rules on who can claim incapacity allowances will be felt most strongly in Labour’s heartlands of the north of England, Scotland and Wales, according to the study, which criticised the plan.

The report from Sheffield Hallam University, in the Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg’s constituency, warned that that “vast numbers” of people will be impoverished and left in distress as a result of the reforms.

Over the next three years, major changes are being introduced to incapacity benefit, including a tougher medical test for claimants, the re-testing of existing recipients of payments, and a limit on the length of time individuals are entitled to non-means tested benefits.

Disabled groups and charities have claimed the new tests are stigmatising the disabled and mentally-ill as “scroungers” in order to save money from the welfare bill.

Ministers insist that the reforms are not an attempt to stop “scroungers” but will help more people currently deemed unable to work find jobs.

No comment...

 

Over the big, wet, salty thing on the left

The mayor of a US town where Prince Harry is staying during helicopter training has warned him to be on his best behaviour with its young women.

Harry has been moved to Gila Bend, in the Arizona desert, for the last stage of a weapons course he has been undergoing in the United States.

Ron Henry, mayor of the 1,700-strong town, has put the fun-loving royal on notice that dalliances with the town's daughters are unlikely to go down well among the staunchly-Christian community.

Mr Henry, 64, told the Daily Mail: "There are probably some fathers here who would go to extremes to protect their daughters.

"Some of the dads won't take too kindly to a Prince fornicating the night away."

 

Time will tell-in about nine months when a plethora of red headed babies wearing Nazi uniforms arrive on the scene,

 

Back in the Northern-ish bit of Blighty

Paul Cavanagh’s attempt to teach a group of employees how to use a ladder got off to bad start when he climbed up without his hard hat.

One of the group threw him the headgear as he stood on the ladder, which was leaning against a semi-detached house.

Mr Cavanagh, who was tethered to the ladder, took his hands off several times before his already shambolic demonstration took a turn for the worse.

He slipped around the ladder, which crashed sideways over a fence and into a neighbouring garden – with Mr Cavanagh still tied to it.

As he lay sprawled, one worker – who posted the footage on YouTube – said: ‘That proves the system doesn’t work.’

Mr Cavanagh has been suspended from his job at Morrison Facilities Services, which works on behalf of the Gateshead Housing Co to manage properties for the local council.

Chris Morgan, the company’s safety boss, said: ‘We are dismayed by this isolated event.

Ah, the old Elfandsafety “one orf” ploy.....

Back over to the land of the broke and the home of austerity

Faced with the difficult task of balancing a budget in austere times, officials in New York's Suffolk County said on Friday they had no choice: they had to sack Santa Claus.

The county executive said he could not justify carving out $660 from his $2.7 billion budget to pay David McKell, 83, a World War II veteran and former homicide detective, to don his Santa suit for the tenth year running and greet children on Long Island.

He said that some 750 county employees were facing layoffs as a result of budget restraints, including what he described as a $20 million cut in state aid to the county's health system.

"Let either the private sector come forward with a donation, or, better yet, let's tap the volunteers in the community," he said.

Levy was quickly called a Grinch by his opponents.

Nah; he’s not a Grinch, just another politician who cannot see that saving just a few bucks will cause misery to hundreds.

East more than a lot to the land of Euro snakes

A Spanish cemetery has begun placing stickers on thousands of burial sites whose leases are up as a warning to relatives or caretakers to pay up or face possible eviction.

Jose Abadia, deputy urban planning manager for northern Zaragoza city, said Monday the city's Torrero municipal graveyard had removed remains from some 420 crypts in recent months and removed them to a common burial ground.

Torrero, like many Spanish cemeteries, no longer allows people to buy grave sites. It instead leases them out for periods of five or 49 years.

Abadia said the cases involved graves whose leases had not been renewed for 15 years or more. He said Torrero currently had some 7,000 burial sites with lapsed leases out of a total of some 114,000.

He said leases generally lapsed because the relatives or caretakers had died or had moved house and failed to renew the contract. He said in other cases, with the passing of year’s family descendants sometimes no longer wanted to pay for further leases.

Maybe they could be buried in the land that the "authorities" have grabbed from people who have had their houses demolished...

West about as far as you can go in Blighty

Ian Jones, chief executive of Volunteer Cornwall says the county - where the Prince of Wales owns tens of thousands of acres as head of the Duchy of Cornwall - should adopt its own currency.

He said Cornwall should consider "radical ideas" to protect itself in the economic downturn.

The Cornwall currency could be modelled on local money schemes such as the Totnes and Lewes pounds which were created by the Transition Network movement, he said.

Several Cornish mining areas in the 19th century set up their own banks and issued their own banknotes.

In 1974 banknotes were issued by pressure group the Cornish Stannary Parliament partly "to raise money to aid it in the restitution of Cornwall's legal right to partially govern itself".

Wonder what the ooaar/sterling exchange rate will be?

And finally:

Back over to the left

Exploding toilets injured two workers at a federal building in Washington D.C because of a plumbing malfunction that blasted out tiny shards of porcelain.

A woman from the General Services Administration (GSA) building was taken to a hospital with serious cuts to her leg from 'flying debris' caused by the toilet blast.

Another loo exploded within minutes of the first, injuring another employee using the bathroom at the same time.

Chuck White, vice-president of Technical and Code Services for the Plumbing-Heating-Cooling Contractors Association, said that while he's never seen an exploding toilet himself, it is something you read about in plumbing textbooks.

'If you're not careful about how you release pressure, the contents of that bowl will come up like old faithful,' White told the Huffington Post. 'Plus, you would have the surprise factors,' he added.

The explosion was because of a control system malfunction that caused a rise in pressure in the water storage tank, GSA spokesman William Marshall said. This in turn caused the plumbing system to 'malfunction' when flushed.

The 2,500 federal employees in the eight-storey building were sent a memo declaring bathrooms off-limits because the plumbing had malfunctioned and the situation was dangerous.

I have a lot of back pressure but have never exploded....

That’s it: I’m orf to cancel my holiday in Italy. 

And today’s thought: How do men sort their laundry? "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable"

Angus

Nein! Nein! Nein!: U-Turn Cam makes another “promise”: Toowoomba bum branders: Exploding buses: and Lion on the line.

Cold, damp, drizzly and calm at the Castle this morn, loads of calls yeaterday from desperate parents wanting their “fix” because Johnny/Jonnette needs to do their “PowerPoint” homework but they have bollixed up their laptops playing virus infected games on the inter thingy.

U-Turn Cam gave an oath that frontline NHS staff would not suffer in these days of austerity

Unfortunately U-Turn’s oaths, promises and pledges are worth about as much as the Euro these days, the latest bright idea is that Medical support staff with as little as eight weeks training are responding to 999 emergency calls instead of qualified paramedics at half of ambulance trusts as they impose frontline cuts.

The assistants are being used as 'first responders' and put in charge of ambulances attending a range of potentially life-threatening situations including heart attacks, chest pains and breathing difficulties.

However, the Emergency Care Assistants (ECAs) only have basic first aid training and are unable to administer life-saving drugs or give injections, unlike paramedics who are trained for three years.

 They were introduced four years ago to ease the burden on paramedics by taking patients into hospital and driving ambulances. Official guidance states that they should be "guided by a qualified clinical practitioner". Their role is similar to that of PCSOs who support police officers.

And as you lay dying from a heart attack while a “first aider” treats you, have a think about who you voted for.....

 

Staying with the useless, inept, lying rich bastard

U-Turn Cam has said increasing UK contributions to the International Monetary Fund "does not put Britain's taxpayers' money at risk".

Knobhead Dave said it was "in our interests" to support the IMF but stressed again that the money would not support a eurozone bailout.

He also suggested any increase would not be put to a vote in the Commons.

So the arrogant wanker doesn’t even want to test parliament on the issue.

Dahn Unda

Paramedics and police were called to an address on North Street in Toowoomba about 2.30pm Sunday, where the three males had suffered burns to their bottoms after they used a fire poker to "brand" their backsides in Toowoomba Saturday night.

A spokesman for the Department of Community Safety said it appeared the teens had injured themselves on Saturday night.

However, the trio waited until they had some hindsight and didn’t call an ambulance until Sunday afternoon.

It is understood paramedics, unsure of whether or not there had been an assault, called police.

When emergency crews arrived, they quickly got to the bottom of the mystery and realised it was nothing but a juvenile prank, dreamed up during a night of fun.

The males did not require hospitalisation, but were treated by paramedics at the scene.

They should move to Darwin-Numptys.

Still in the land Dahn Unda

An exploding bus has forced NSW authorities to introduce new safety measures.

Union bosses demanded the upgrades on the Mercedes-built, gas-powered vehicles after one was engulfed in a fireball in July.

Bus drivers held a snap strike on October 18 after video footage of the drama emerged, forcing hundreds of gas buses off the road.

At the Industrial Relations Commission (IRC) on Monday, the State Transit Authority (STA) confirmed it will carry out four safety upgrades.

The safety upgrades include new fire suppressant materials, early warning systems in the driver's cabin and additional staff training.

There'll also be a new check-list for managers to use in the event of another blaze.

There are currently about 700 gas-powered buses in NSW, but Mr Preston said he was only bothered about the Mercedes-built model, 255 of which are in use.

 They should have a word with Boris Johnson about his “bendy busses”.

And finally:

Up to the county that isn’t Lancashire

Passengers were forced to remain on board a train for two hours at Shepley station in Yorkshire on Sunday after police received a report of a lion on the loose in the vicinity.

West Yorkshire police received a call at 3.30pm from a woman saying she had spotted a lion as she was driving through Shepley, near Huddersfield. Officers say they believe the woman was a genuine caller but, after a two hour search involving a police helicopter and 12 officers, the inquiry was brought to a close with no lions found, and no further sightings.

 Nah-what she actually said was “leaves on the line”.

That’s it: I’m orf to make some Cyborg yeast. 

And today’s thought: The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.

 

Angus

Passing rock: Five year kicking: EU veto: Assisi Satan: Numb nuts hackers: The age of guns: and Old Fart parking.

Not bad at the Castle this morn, cloudyish, coldish, dryish and calmish, study-empty, his Maj-still bonkers, been out for a drive while the roads are quiet, and hopefully the bonfire bollix is over so that me and my pussy can get a bit of peace.

Apparently an asteroid bigger than an aircraft carrier will dart between the Earth and Moon on Tuesday the closest encounter by such a huge space rock in 35 years.

Scientists say this one will not threaten to destroy Earth.

“We’re 100 per cent confident that this is not a threat,” said the manager of NASA’s Near Earth Object Programme, Don Yeomans.

The asteroid, named 2005 YU55, is a quarter-mile across and is being watched by ground antennas in California and Puerto Rico as it approaches from the direction of the Sun. The closest point will occur at 11.28pm on Tuesday when the asteroid passes within 202,000 miles of Earth and 150,000 miles from the Moon. Both the Earth and Moon are safe “this time”, said Jay Melosh, professor of Earth and atmospheric sciences at Purdue University in Indiana.

If 2005 YU55 was to hit earth, it would blast out a crater four miles across and 1,700ft deep, says Professor Melosh. This would mean an earthquake magnitude of 7 and 70ft waves – twice the height of the 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami, which killed 230,000 people in 14 countries.

 

Bigger than an aircraft carrier-how big is that, as we don’t have any I need a point of reference.

And yet again-hard pressed households will see their gas and electricity bills rise by 30 per cent within the next five years, according to a senior industry watchdog.

That comes on top of the 21 per cent rise in energy prices over the past 12 months that has left families and pensioners struggling to find, on average, an extra £224 for heating and with a bitterly cold winter said to be on the way, rising energy prices will have “dangerous consequences” and put people’s health at risk, says Ann Robinson, director of consumer policy at price comparison website uSwitch.

Research by uSwitch found that 23 million households, or 89 per cent of the population, will ration their energy usage this winter, either by keeping their heating on low or turning it off altogether to save on fuel bills.

Given current trends, she believes that energy prices will have risen by nearly a third by 2016.

Just a guess then...

Allegedly Britain will be marooned inside a "permanent minority" in European Union decision making in just three years' times after rule changes kick in on member states' voting powers, according to a new report.

The document seen by The Sunday Telegraph shows that under changes already agreed to in the Lisbon Treaty, eurozone countries voting as a "caucus" will have a permanent in-built majority in the EU's Council of Ministers - its main decision-making body - from November 2014.

Britain will be unable to block a plethora of new laws even it if it joins together with other countries not in the eurozone - risking severe damage, in particular, to the City of London.

Yet another reason to get the hell out....

Over in the land of onions and the odd basilica

Art restorers have discovered the figure of a devil hidden in the clouds of one of the most famous frescos by Giotto in the Basilica of St Francis in Assisi, church officials said on Saturday.

The devil was hidden in the details of clouds at the top of fresco number 20 in the cycle of the scenes in the life and death of St Francis painted by Giotto in the 13th century.

The discovery was made by Italian art historian Chiara Frugone. It shows a profile of a figure with a hooked nose, a sly smile, and dark horns hidden among the clouds in the panel of the scene depicting the death of St Francis.

The figure is difficult to see from the floor of the basilica but emerges clearly in close-up photography.

A devil: How many are there then?

Still in the land of smelly cars and Vino

A fan site for a French rugby union team is recovering after hackers mistook it for the website of the German stock exchange and launched an attack.

The allezdax.com website for second division Dax in rugby-loving southwest France was shut down for two weeks after its usual 700 daily page hits -- 1,200 on match days -- skyrocketed to 80,000 because of the attack.

"Our defences were certainly inadequate," one of the site's administrators who gave his name as Stephane told the France Bleu Gascogne radio station.

He said the hackers had "insulted us copiously in German" thinking they were something to do with the DAX, Germany's blue-chip stock market index. 

Shame they weren’t on pay to click....

Left a lot to the land of the right to wear short sleeved shirts

South Carolina officials say a 10-year-old trick-or-treater pulled a handgun on a woman who joked that she'd steal his Halloween candy.

The Augusta Chronicle reported today a 28-year-old woman told authorities she recognized some youngsters Monday evening and she joked she'd take their candy.

Aiken Public Safety Lt. David Turno says a 10-year-old in the group said "no" and pointed the handgun at her.

Turno says the gun wasn't loaded but the boy had a clip of ammunition. He was taken to the police station and was turned over to his parents.

Turno said the boy's brother, who is also 10, told officials he also had a gun and both weapons were recovered by police. Turno says the boys got them from their grandfather without his permission.

Think I would rather have the treat....

And finally: 

Still in the land of submarine motors

An 86-year-old woman in America is recovering after accidentally driving her car into a swimming pool.

It happened when Mary Lee Fine, who lives in a retirement home in Austin, Texas, tried to get into her car through the passenger seat because the driver's side was blocked by another car.

After starting the car, it unexpectedly went into drive, reversed and hit another vehicle.

It then sped through the parking area, hitting a fence and finally landing in the pool.

"In pushing myself to get over, I either hit the key or the gear shift, I don't know what happened, but the car backed up - wooo whoom," she said.

Mrs Fine's car started filling with water but it was propped up by a garden chair that was knocked into the pool during the incident.

It stopped the car from sinking, allowing Mrs Fine to remain safe until her neighbour was able to wade into the pool and rescue her.

Luckily, she said, the water was warm.

She added she may take a taxi the next time she goes shopping.

Wasn’t an Austin Maxi then....

That’s it: I’m orf to Charlie’s place in Falmouth 

And today’s thought: George Osborne should resign, as there isn’t any money left in the treasury he's got nothing to do.

Angus

Changing change: Clause 41(and it ain’t Santa): Classic cock up: Mucky pup: Doughnut driver: Pedal-high: and Chicken fiddler.

Warm, calm, dry and more than a whimsy of mist at the Castle this morn, the study is vacant of all things broke and bollixed, and his Maj is back to normal-bonkers.

And the firework arseholes started their mindless waste of money last eve.

                       

I see that according to The Local Government Association the Treasury should pay the £5.5m bill that councils face for altering parking meters to accept new coins, the Local Government Association has said.

From January, 5p and 10p coins are set to be minted using steel instead of copper and will be 11% thicker.

The coins are currently made from the nickel and copper alloy cupro-nickel

The Treasury plans to make the new coins from nickel-plated steel instead of the alloy, which has become more expensive as the price of copper has risen in recent years.

 Couple of points:

1.      Didn’t even know that they were changing change to cheap and nasty.

2.      For “Treasury” and “Local Government” read the public.

And:

Allegedly: Plans for sweeping new Henry VIII-style powers would enable ministers to rewrite the statute book without consulting Parliament, a report warned.

The Lords Constitution Committee said the Government's Protection of Freedoms Bill would enable ministers to create more extensive powers of entry to homes and premises without needing further legislation.

The Government has said the power would mainly be used "to consolidate different powers of entry", but the peers warned that "benign intentions in the future ought not to be assumed".

Under the current law, Government authorities and agencies are allowed to enter private property for law enforcement purposes under more than 1,200 separate powers of entry.

While reform of this "veritable jungle of law" is long overdue, the committee warned that clause 41 would give ministers the power to issue an order rewriting the powers of entry, potentially bringing in new powers without consulting Parliament.

You have been warned....

 

Another Piss Poor Policy from the Millionaires Club Coalition

This time they are thinking that Classic cars could be exempt from the MoT test under proposals unveiled by the Government.

The plans would apply to cars built before 1960 which, the Government believes, are better maintained by their owners.

It is estimated that there are 162,000 cars on the road which are more than 50 years old, equivalent to 0.6 per cent of the total.

According to the Government two-thirds of these cars are driven fewer than 500 miles a year and they have a lower accident rate than newer models.

Mike Penning, the road safety minister said “We are committed to reducing regulation which places a financial burden on motorists without providing significant overall benefits,”

Bonkers idea, and if “they” want to reduce the financial burden on motorists, what about sorting out the escalating price of go juice and the rip orf insurance premiums...

Up in the Smoke

Angus Funston's pop up doggy diner The Mucky Pup is succeeding where many others have failed.

Twentieth Century Fox were in town to launch the DVD of its season eleven series of the U.S. cult TV show Family Guy.

They chose the Mucky Pup because the show's dog Brian apparently likes the odd cocktail - when he's not working of course.

Some may think Angus is barking mad but judging by the number of satisfied pooches he may be on to a winner.

 

Someone called Angus barking mad?

 

Over in the place that is so good they named it twice

Drivers were stuck in a huge jam after a motorway was closed when a lorry spilled its load of doughnuts in New York State.

Broome County Sheriff's Sergeant Tom Sienko said the driver suffered minor injuries when he fell asleep, causing the truck to hit a guard-rail and roll over.

Sgt Sienko said "a lot of doughnuts" spilled when boxes split open. Southbound lanes were closed while crews repaired the guard-rail and removed the doughnuts.

Dough Numpty?

East to the land of bamboo things and many, many people

A Chinese man made a bicycle with the front wheel more than five feet high "just for fun".

Zhang Lianjun, of Tangshan, Hebei Province, spent about £1,800 creating the unusual bike.

It also features a huge lamp, a loud horn and four tiny rear wheels.

The original plan was to use a seven feet high tractor wheel but it was to too high and heavy to ride.

So he decided instead to build it with a slightly smaller front wheel which he got from a shovel loader.

"Although the tyres vary greatly in size, it's actually very safe and comfortable to ride," claimed Zhang.

 

Bugger pedalling that up a hill...

And finally: 

Get your ear plugs out.

The chicken fiddler.

That’s it: I’m orf to Saturn-in the garden

And today’s thought: “On the Internet, nobody knows you’re a Dog.”

Angus

Grow some gonads Cleggie: Even Germany cocks it up: Copacabana cow: Dirty diners: Cardboard sucker; and How not to recycle.

Wet, windy and washed out at the Castle this morn, bit of a disturbed night-it started at one of the am with a thunder storm and a deluge of skywater which is still going on.

The study is filling up with deteriorating do-dahs and his (no nuts) Maj is allowed to escape into the garden today-shame about the meteorology...

And apparently the weather for "bonfire night" is going to be piss poor-oh dear....

 

Apparently Nick (who?) Cleggie is threatening to veto a controversial Treasury plan to freeze pensions and state benefits next April.

Son of a B...aronet (and alien reptile in disguise) George Osborne, who is allegedly the Chancellor, is considering whether to break the Government's pledge to raise benefits in line with inflation in order to save up to £10bn. But the move has provoked a rift with the Liberal Democrats, who are arguing that the most vulnerable people in society should not bear the brunt of efforts to reduce the deficit.

Mr Osborne, who will announce his decision on 29 November, has a dilemma because inflation is rising faster than earnings. The Government's policy is to increase most benefits each April in line with the consumer prices index (CPI) the previous September – 5.2 per cent this year.

It has also pledged to raise the basic state pension by whichever is the higher of three figures; 2.5 per cent, the rise in average earnings (currently 2.5 per cent) or the CPI. The Liberal Democrats have trumpeted this "triple lock" on pensions as a major "win" inside the Coalition because it featured in their election manifesto last year.

Yesterday Downing Street dismissed the idea that benefits might not be fully indexed as "rumour and speculation".

A bit like the hike in VAT and tuition fees then...

And:

German W Bankers

Managed to make a 55-billion euro ($75 billion) bookkeeping blunder that exposed it to ridicule across Europe, the Teutonic finance minister said Wednesday.

Wolfgang Schaeuble said it was "an extremely annoying mistake" for the nationalised mortgage bank Hypo Real Estate (HRE) and the PwC accountancy firm to have let such an error slip through undetected.

The Berlin government has been scathing about Greece's bookkeeping practices during the euro zone crisis.

"I don't believe in looking for scapegoats," Schaeuble told a news conference after summoning executives from HRE and the accountancy firm to his office.

"Everyone promised improvements."

 Oh well that’s alright then...

 

Over to the left a lot and down just as much

From Rio de Janeiro's famed Copacabana beach to the busy streets of its downtown area, dozens of fibreglass cows took up their positions on Thursday (November 3) as the CowParade exhibition kicked off.

Brazilian artists painted and decorated the 72 life-sized sculptures, placed at key places in the city, including some of the city's once-notorious slums.

Along Copacabana beach, a cow that was holding a guitar in tribute to the Rock in Rio festival won admirers.

In Ipanema beach, a blue cow wearing a snorkel and flippers also caught the eye of passers-by.

The sculptures will be on display until December 20. At the end of the exhibit, the cows will be auctioned and the money will be donated to charity institutions.

CowParade has been held in more than 50 cities around the world since it was founded in Chicago in 1999. It first arrived in Brazil in the business capital of Sao Paulo in 2005.

Mooving tale...

 

Up more than a smidge

San Francisco is drawing the line at nude public dining.

The city's Board of Supervisors has adopted new rules that ban naked people from eating in restaurants, and forces nudists to place a cover on public chairs and benches before they sit down, the San Francisco Examiner reported.

Anyone who disobeys the new code will be fined $100 for a first offence, $200 for a second offence and three-time offenders face a $1,000 fine and up to a year in jail.

The law was approved in an 11-0 vote with no debate and will face final consideration next week before it can be signed into law by Mayor Ed Lee.

Public nudity is generally tolerated in the city and is particularly popular in the Castro neighbourhood.

No sausages on the tables then....

Back in Blighty

A student has designed an eco-friendly vacuum cleaner made out of its own cardboard packaging.

Jake Tyler, 23, from Birmingham, came up with the idea as part of his final year project at Loughborough University.

And manufacturers Vax were so impressed that they are to mass produce it and put it on sale next year.

Created with the help of engineers at Vax, the vacuum is made up from the very box that it comes in - even down to the wheels.

Mr Tyler, who achieved a first class honours degree in his Industrial Design and Technology course, has now landed his dream job with Vax.

Vax spokesperson Jo Sawyer said: "It's a high performance vacuum cleaner constructed for optimum sustainability, using recycled and recyclable materials that reduce the burden on landfill."

 That should piss orf Dyson....

And finally:

Dahn a bit to the Smoke

Blow up dolls; vibrators and an urn containing ashes are among items placed in recycling bins, a council revealed today.

Enfield Council in London said it "beggared belief" what some of its residents tried to recycle as it published a list of some of the most extreme cases.

These include dead pets, oil paintings, a fish tank, sex toys, and a plastic Christmas tree which was placed in an organic waste bin.

Refuse collectors discovered an urn containing the ashes of a person or animal - so placed it back on the property's doorstep.

Councillor Chris Bond said: "It's no laughing matter because if recycling is contaminated it has to be sent to landfill and it costs us a fortune to dispose of it.

No, it costs us a fortune...

That’s it: I’m orf to charge up the iPhone 

And today’s thought:

"I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something." -Jackie Mason

           

Angus

Blowing smoke: Iran-here we come: Beach art: Golden iPad: Euro snake: and know your Particle Physics.

Exceedingly wet, warm and wibbly at the Castle this morn, his Maj (minus his crown jewels) was collected from the vets yesterday pm, had some food and promptly fell asleep, he hasn’t stopped purring since he got home, the vet described the “op” as a chip and snip, which means that wherever he may roam he is on the database.

The study is half fullish of busted bloody computers, and I have just returned from the stale bread, gruel and pussy food run at Tesco.

It seems that U-Turn Cam is about to do it again

Ex smoker David Cameron has admitted to a change of heart about the smoking ban, saying he now considered it a success.

Speaking at Prime Minister's Questions, he said: "As a former smoker and someone who believes strongly in liberties and someone who did not support it at the time, it has worked."

He was responding to a Labour backbencher's question about a smoking ban in cars when children were present.

On that issue, the prime minister said, he would have a "serious think".

Stockton North MP Alex Cunningham, who asked the question, claimed the vast majority of people backed such a ban, and asked the government to support his Bill criminalising it.

 Too many fags at public school...

 

And:

Allegedly British armed forces are stepping up preparations for potential military strikes on Iran as the country triples its nuclear enrichment programme.

In anticipation of a potential attack, military planners are reported to be examining where best to deploy Royal Navy ships and submarines over the coming months as part of what would be an air- and sea-launched campaign led by the US.

The RAF could also provide air-to-air refuelling and some surveillance capability, should it be required.

The Ministry of Defence has played down strike preparations, saying they have been in place for some time.

It said they were secondary to a dual track strategy of pressure and engagement for a ‘negotiated solution’ in order to avoid a regional conflict.

Something to look forward to...

Dahn in Jersey

French artist Sam Dougados's designs of parallel lines within concentric circles transformed a beach from a plain seaside image into a fantastic display.

His award-winning design, which took a number of hours to create, was one of many in the World Beach Art Championships held in Jersey, sponsored by MyMemory.com.

The beach art was created by dragging a broom-like instrument across the sand.

So that would be a broom then...

Up to the proper bit of Blighty

An iPad customised with gold, diamonds and shavings of Tyrannosaurus rex bone has been billed as the world's most expensive gadget.

The £5m device is being promoted by British luxury goods specialist Stuart Hughes.

The iPad 2 is encrusted with 12.5-carat diamonds and has 53 separate gems forming the iconic Apple logo.

The back section has been formed in 24-carat gold and weighs two kilogram’s.

But the most expensive part is actually the main front frame which is made from the oldest rock the world has to offer - Ammolite.

Sourced from Canada, the stone is more than 75 million years old.

Just to cap off the unique design, part of a T-rex thigh bone dating back 65 million years is claimed to have been shaved into the stone.

The final touch is a single-cut 8.5-carat flawless diamond inlaid in platinum surrounded by 12 satellite gems.

Anyone want a 75 million year old iPad?

East a touch to what is left of the Eurozone

A Spanish man had a shock when he went to withdraw some money - and a snake came slithering out of the cash machine.

The man had stopped to get some cash from a branch of the Caja Madrid bank in Llodio, Alava, at 8am on his way to work.

The middle-aged man managed to grab hold of his money despite the snake attempting to attack him, reports Euro Weekly News.

He then alerted the police, who arrived on the scene, and with the help of the bank manager, discovered that the snake was trapped by the mechanism of the cash point.

The manager activated it from the inside, freeing the snake, which was put in a box and taken to a shelter.

Police say they have not ruled out the possibility that someone may have put it there for a prank.

However, they say that it is a rural area so it's possible the snake got there of its own accord

 That’s one way to cut spending...

And finally:

Just to get the old grey cells moving: 

A quiz on Particle Physics.

1.      Which sentence best describes the known dimensions of physics?

a) There are two known dimensions: matter and antimatter
b) We live in a multi-dimensional universe with infinite dimensions
c) There are four known dimensions: length, height, width and weight
d) There are four known dimensions: Length, height, width and time

2.      Our universe is dominated by…

a) Ordinary matter
b) Dark matter
c) Dark energy
d) Equal amounts of all three

3.      Fundamental or elementary particles are particles that aren't made up of smaller particles. What is the most common type of fundamental particle in the universe?

a) Atom
b) Meson
c) Neutrino
d

4.      . What are the fundamental particles of an atom?

a) Quarks, gluons and electrons
b) Protons, neutrons and electrons
c) The nucleus and electron orbits
d) An atom cannot be broken down into anything smaller than itself

5.      What are fermions?

a) Elements with ferrous metallic properties
b) Fundamental particles of matter
c) Hard subatomic solids
d) Groups of particles with the same charge or mass

6.      What are bosons?

a) Elementary crew members on merchant vessels
b) A term in particle physics used to describe matter
c) Subatomic particles that carry forces
d) An electron switch used in nano-circuits

7.      Why are scientists looking for the so-called God particle or Higgs boson?

a) They like crashing atoms together for fun
b) They want to find a force carrying particle that gives other particles mass
c) They want to find evidence of God
d) Because physicist Peter Higgs wants his boson back.

8.       What are mesons?

a) A type of composite particle produced by high energy
b) A contagious disease caught by subatomic particles
c) An antimatter version of the electron
d) A type of Japanese soup

9.      Which of the following sentences about antimatter is NOT true:

a) Antimatter is normal matter with an opposite charge
b) Antimatter is only produced in particle accelerators
c) Antimatter annihilates matter
d) Equal amounts of antimatter and matter were created during the Big Bang

10.  What is super string?

a) Coloured material which can be sprayed out of cans and provide hours of fun for all ages
b) A time line in physics and chemical reactions needed for an effect to take place
c) Forces needed to hold atoms together
d) A hypothesis which attempts to explain the elementary particles of nature

All answers to Stephen Hawking, well it will give him something to do while he sits a bout on his arse all day.

That’s it: I’m orf to buy 75 birthday cake candles.

And today’s thought: Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.

Angus