Non à referendum: Rubbish “art”: Flesh eating bananas: Dead end motor: Marshmallow moron: and how to solve the Euro crisis.

Bloody cold and damp at the Castle this morn, and apparently the Met Office has decided that “winter” is on the way, as we are in December I am not surprised.

My first day as a benefit scrounger was “interesting”, I spent a while filling out forms and talking to an “advisor” who seemed to be about 12 years old and was more interested in how much his pension would be in fifty years time than my lack of employment.

Then I wasted a bit more of my free time checking out the “jobs” on the government computers, it seems that if I want to be a carer, cleaner or a call centre chappie at minimum wage then all is well.

Or not.....

Up in the Smoke to the house with no front door lock

It seems that U-Turn Cam is physic, even before the changes are made to the Euro treaty we have been told by the Prime Monster's spokesperson that a "significant transfer of power from the UK to the EU" was not being discussed in this week's talks on how to resolve the eurozone crisis, so a referendum was not required.

Allegedly Downing Street made clear that the adjustments currently being discussed did not constitute a major shift.

"That's not what's set out in the Act," U-Turn’s spokesperson added.

"The position is set out very clearly. What the Act says is where there is a transfer of powers from London to Brussels, that should trigger a referendum... we have a coalition government and we have a government policy."

Har bloody har...

Up North a bit

Martin Boyce, the artist who transforms gallery spaces into modernist urban landscapes, has won the 2011 Turner Prize.

The ceremony was held at the Baltic Centre for Contemporary Art in Gateshead, where photographer Mario Testino presented the award.

Boyce's installation on display there for the Turner Prize exhibition, Do Words Have Voices, recreates an autumnal park scene with geometric leaves suspended from the ceiling and a stylised rubbish bin in the corner. His attention to detail was so great that he even redesigned the room's ventilation grills to complement his installation.

The judges praised Boyce's "pioneering contribution to the current interest which contemporary artists have in historic modernism". They said his work "uses his knowledge of historic design to create distinctive sculptural installations while opening up a new sense of poetry".

My brain hurts.....

Over to the lack of light continent

Rumours of flesh-eating bananas in Mozambique have sparked a plummet in the sale of the fruit, prompting the health minister Friday to reassure people of its safety.

"From the work conducted by the Ministries of Agriculture, Health and Trade and Industry, it was concluded that there is no record of entry of any infected banana in the country," according to a joint statement.

An email and text message hoax warning people against eating bananas for the next three weeks went viral as people feared being infected by necrotising fasciitis, or skin-eating disease.

In a separate statement South Africa's agriculture ministry denounced the messages as a hoax. It strongly advised against burning the skin around the supposed infection, as suggested in the message.

No worries-can’t afford bananas.

Left to the land of gas guzzlers and the home of the used car salesman

In a lawsuit filed in Oakland County Circuit Court, Margarita Salais of New Baltimore alleges the second hand car dealership's staff sold her a 2006 Ford Expedition last March without telling her it once held a dead body, The Detroit News reported Monday.

"They bought the car while it was still cold out in March," her attorney, Dani Liblang, told the News. "The warmer it got, the worse the smell got."

Salais said when she brought the car back to the dealership someone told her the smell came from a dead animal. She said she filed a claim with her insurance company, whose investigators determined odour was of human origin.

The insurance company later learned the car had been stolen three times, something Salais said the dealer also failed to tell her.

Her efforts to return the car were fruitless and she now seeks $25,000 plus court fees.

Probably be OK after a valet....

Still in the non colonies

A central New York man faces prison time after admitting he threw flaming marshmallows at his neighbour’s house.

The Auburn Citizen reports that 18-year-old John Munger pleaded guilty Thursday in Cayuga County Court to third-degree felony arson.

He admitted tossing the blazing balls of sugar at a gas meter on the side of his neighbour’s house. Although the meter wasn't seriously damaged, Munger admitted that it could have been.

He noted that he was drunk at the time.

No shit...

And finally:

East to the place where one for all and all for one no longer applies

The European Central Bank has launched an iPad and iPhone game that allows the public to see how they would cope with an economic crisis.

The Bank, now battling to save the euro, has produced a computer game in which players set interest rates to keep inflation low and growth steady.

Economia, where the first E is the euro symbol, is promoted with the line: "Will you be a hawk or a dove? Have you got what it takes to be among central banking's best?"

It is unclear how much the game cost to develop, reports the Daily Telegraph.

But sales of the game will not raise the billions needed to bail out bankrupt states - it is being given away free.

That gives me confidence....

That’s it: I’m orf to check out a couple of “supermassive” black holes and I’m not talking about the economy and the place where the deputy prime monster’s nose resides.

And today’s thought:

Angus

I’ve had enough: Clegg’s mates: Yea or Nay: Tough Mudders: Home alone: Keeping it in the family: and that’s as Ferrari as you go.

Cold, crusty and confused at the Castle this morn, just got back from the stale bread gruel and pussy food run, despite all their claims about “price drops” my bill keeps going up for the same things and his Maj is finally mastering the cat flap-sort of as long as I hold it open when he comes in or goes out. 

Momentous day this 5^th of December; I have decided to give up the “work” thing and join the ranks of benefit scroungers, as part of the “private sector” I have realised that demand has fallen to such an extent that it is no longer viable to carry on struggling to earn a “living” because the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition doesn’t give a Meerkat’s moolies about one man bands, all they seem to be interested in is Europe.

As long as I don't eat, turn the heating on buy anything or go anywhere I reckon I can manage...

So the good news is that I will be able to blog a bit more and visit my fave sites, and even leave the odd comment.

Meanwhile the brown nosed bit of the Prime Monster

Has appointed a key position in the Deputy Prime Minister’s office to Neil Sherlock, a senior executive at KPMG, the accountancy partnership, and will become Mr Clegg’s “director of government relations” in the New Year.

Last year, it was disclosed that he was among a number of businessmen who had paid money directly into Mr Clegg’s bank account to help fund the Liberal Democrat MP’s private office before he was in government.

Mr Sherlock has also donated money to the Lib Dems and last year his wife, Kathryn Parminter, the former head of the Campaign to Protect Rural England, was elevated to the House of Lords by Mr Clegg’s party.

The recruitment of Mr Sherlock, who is expected to be paid more than £100,000, comes amid a drive by Mr Clegg to beef up his private office and appoint more advisers across Whitehall.

I see that the old boys’ club is still functioning well.

And apparently the ConDems are on opposing sides when it comes to referendums 

The deputy Prime Monster and the Irritable Bowel Twins are at odds over the requirements for a referendum on the EU, appearing on the Andrew Marr programme Mr Clegg said he didn't believe there needed to be a UK referendum over moves to closer fiscal union on the continent.

"It will only take place if there is an additional surrender of sovereignty from us to Europe," he said.

At almost exactly the same time, welfare secretary Mr Duncan Smith was outlining an entirely different test to Sky News, saying "substantial changes that affect Britain" would trigger a referendum.

"If there is major treaty change we have to have a referendum," he said.

No wonder they don’t have a bleedin clue.

Over the briny to the warm bit at the bottom of the Americas

The Tough Mudder Florida was held on Dec. 3 and 4 with events challenging participants' strength, stamina and mental grit.

Tough Mudder races were developed by British Special Forces to challenge athletes with natural and man-made obstacles. Participants can compete individually or as part of a team on a roughly 12-mile course, which is expected to take the toughest participants 2 1/2 hours to complete.

The event raises money for the Wounded Warrior Project, which supports the needs of severely injured service men and women. Tough Mudder participants raised $650,000 last year for the organization.

Runners pay anywhere from $80 to $150 to participate, depending on when they signed up. Spectators are also welcome to attend; tickets are $20 in advance or $40 at the event.

 Glad I missed that...

Dahn Unda

The Sinclair family lost everything when a raging fire tore through their home on September 15, 2010.

Not only was the house completely destroyed, they also lost all their photos, sporting memorabilia, clothes and even their pet dog and its three newborn puppies.

They have been living in a "half house" on a nearby block since the fire.

The rebuild was going at a snail's pace but the entire frame had finally been erected and the outside cladding was waiting to be installed.

"The windows were in the frames and everything was ready for the cladding," Mrs Sinclair said.

"But someone has dismantled and stolen the whole bloody thing."

The isolated location of the house contributed to the level of damage caused in last year's fire.

It also meant whoever stole the Sinclair’s' house had plenty of time and space.

 Sometimes it just isn’t worth getting out of bed......

Right a fair bit and down a lot to the Dark Continent

Titus Ncube decided to employ a sex worker as he was having marital difficulties, but collapsed in shock when his daughter, 20, turned up.

She fled after Ncube collapsed, and is reportedly no longer working in the sex industry but planning to go back to school.

On hearing the news, Ncube's wife said: “If it were not for my children, I could have divorced him a long time ago,”

According to the Zimbabwe News Ncube said “I am sorry for what I did,” he said. “I spoke to my wife and my daughter… I apologised for my actions because I just wanted my family back."

Oops.... 

And finally: 

East even more to the land of glowing things

A fleet of high-performance cars, including eight Ferraris, has been involved in one of the most expensive accidents in history after an astonishing multi-car pile-up in Japan.

Police said three Mercedes Benz cars and a Lamborghini Diablo were also involved in the massive crash at the weekend on the Chugoku Expressway, in the country’s south-west.

Witnesses reported hearing a “tremendous noise” just a few moments before the accident on the Yamaguchi prefecture highway amid terrible driving conditions.

While the majority of the 14 vehicles – which also included a Japanese supercar Nissan GT-R Skyline and a Toyota Prius – were travelling along the Osaka Prefecture-bound bended lane at least one Mercedes CL600 was driving in the opposite direction.

The total damage bill is expected to hit several million pounds. A new Ferrari 355 retails for several hundred thousand pounds.

The other Ferrari models understood to have been involved in the pile-up include a F512, F355, F430 and a F360.

It is thought the crash occurred when the lead driver hit a central barrier after losing control of their Ferrari while trying to overtake in wet conditions.

Cheap Ferrari anyone?

That’s it (or maybe not): I’m orf to check out the moat for Mesonychoteuthis hamiltoni

And today’s thought:

Angus

“Special advisors”: Not a bleedin clue: Blind cuisine: Dog bites man-dog dies: Not smart phone: and Having a blast in Koblenz.

Cold, calm and clammy at the Castle this morn, the study is still a vacant space for disabled do dahs (I blame Crimbo) and the garden is still awaiting a fettle.

And my internet thingy is still dropping in and out.

The Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition

Has managed the impossible-it now has more spin-doctors than under Labour.

After the election, the number of policy and media political aides was cut. In the past 18 months the number has crept up, in part fuelled by concern that civil servants were hindering the coalition's plans.

Last month, the Liberal Democrats appointed an additional six advisors to counter claims they were not influencing every area of government.

Why am I not surprised......

And allegedly:

A Government row is delaying a new law that would oblige ministers to increase spending on international aid.

Ministers are at odds over when to pass legislation committing Britain to spend 0.7 per cent of gross national income on aid.

The plan was announced in last year's Coalition Agreement, which pledged to "enshrine in law" the aid target.

However, no bill has yet been introduced in Parliament.

Andrew Mitchell, the Development Secretary, is said to be pressing for the law to be introduced soon, possibly even before Christmas. He is being backed by the Liberal Democrats.

However U-Turn Cam is trying to delay the new law, which will be unpopular with some Conservative MPs.

And the rest of us...

Over to the right a smidge

A French restaurant where diners cannot see what they are eating, often spill their wine and must conduct conversations while staring into pitch darkness has proved such a success in Europe that it is making a foray into the Americas.

After expanding from Paris into London, Moscow, Barcelona and St. Petersburg, the "Dans Le Noir" chain, staffed by blind waiters, will open an outlet in the neon-lit tourist hub of New York's Times Square this month.

Dans Le Noir uses visually impaired waiters to guide patrons past heavy black curtains into a pitch-dark dining room where they are served a surprise two or three-course menu.

Sounds a bit like our beloved Government-keeping us in the dark and feeding us shit....

East to the land where there are two less Pandas

A pet dog that was running free in Yunnan province's Mengla county bit a 70-year-old man - then died half an hour later.

The elderly citizen, a member of the Yao ethnic group, was bitten on his right hand and foot, and had to sit down after finally getting away from the dog.

His son, who arrived afterwards, was able to put a leash on the dog and took the father to a clinic. When they returned to the scene, they found the dog dead.

The son suspected the dog was rabid and called the police. They offered 100 yuan ($15) for clues leading to its owner and said there was nothing wrong with the dog.

Apart from the fact it was dead.....

Back in Blighty

We have had “text neck”, now we have "text thumb injury".

Health experts in Britain have warned that the strain injuries stemming from long periods spent staring at small screens and tapping at tiny keys can be debilitating. And the injuries are becoming more common as high-tech gadgets grow ever more popular.

According to a recent YouGov poll, 44 per cent of Britons use their mobile phone for activities other than making calls, for between 30 minutes and two hours a day. The pollster quizzed 2,034 adults over several days in September.

"I had a patient who developed inflamed tendons in her thumb from using her Smartphone and was unable to use her hand for weeks due to pain," said Tim Hutchful from the British Chiropractic Association.

Some pointers for gadget aficionados to avoid injury-such as keeping Smartphone use at under 40 minutes.

Keep use to a minimum, take regular breaks and look at different ways of interacting, such as voice recognition software for texting.

Apparently in Britain the biggest risk group are children and teenagers, who are heavy users of the latest computers and phones.

 

Doesn’t bother me I can’t afford a “Smartphone”, but it does make it easier for the butler to round them up for the furnace...

And finally:

Right a bit

Bomb disposal experts in Germany will attempt to defuse a British bomb dropped during the Second World War.

The city of Koblenz, in the west of the country, is being evacuated while the operation takes place.

Around 45,000 residents have been moved, with seven nursing homes, two hospitals and a prison being emptied.

Officials cleared an area with a radius of 2km (1.2 miles) from where the 1.8-ton bomb was found.

Trains and vehicles in the area will be stopped during the delicate operation.

The device was discovered last week along with a 275lb bomb dropped by American troops.

They emerged when the water levels in the Rhine fell after the area experienced a particularly dry spell.

Let’s see them throw a towel over that...

That’s it: I’m orf to X-ray all the pictures in the Castle

And today’s thought:

Angus

Not even a plan A (part Cinq): Council Tax celebs: Rock on Tyrol: There’s a hole in my warehouse: Chicken bunny: and I bet that hurts.

Coldish, moistish and calmish at the Castle this morn, the study is still suffering from a lack of lackadaisical logic machines, the elbow is hurting again and his Maj is still bringing me worms.

U-Turn Cam has done it again.

According to the free press, our beloved Prime Monster will put the urgent need to secure a rescue deal for the euro ahead of demands by Conservative MPs for Britain to grab back powers from Brussels.

U-Turn’s position is recognition that he has limited bargaining power because the UK is outside the single currency – and that submitting a long shopping list in the talks would get short shrift from the other 26 EU members.

Same old bollocks, referendum time.....

Up in the Smoke

Camden Council has paid thousands of pounds to celebrities to appear at its functions, Alexei Sayle and Simon Amstell, and writer Giles Coren, are among those to have been paid for one-off events over a five-year period.

On another occasion a rapper called Donaeo, real name Ian Greenidge, was given £8,000 to appear at a youth action day at Haverstock School – whose alumni include Labour leader Ed Miliband.

And if you want to see where your money goes across the rest of Blighty click Here and have a butchers.

Over to the land of yodelling and speeding down mountains on bits of wood

Although the skiing season is officially open, there is no sign of snow in the Tyrol region of Austria.

45 kilometres west of Innsbruck, near the picturesque village of Haiming, skiers have found the perfect place to test out their skiing equipment, even though there’s not one white patch of snow in sight.

The brave Numptys daredevils climb a rock-covered slope on foot and descend on their skis, leaving a cloud of dust behind them. The rocks aren’t as smooth as snow, and they obviously do a lot of damage to their equipment, but the avid skiers don’t seem to mind, as long as they get to practice their favourite sport. Falling of your skies during a descent on the rocky slope of Haiming isn’t what you’d call a pleasurable experience, that’s why only experienced skiers are advised to try their luck here.

Think I’ll skip that…

Left to the place where things are always bigger

The owners of a furniture warehouse in Plymouth, Mass., want to know the origin of a chunk of metal that plunged through the roof.

No one was hurt when the 6-inch, cylindrical piece of metal weighing about 5 pounds came through the roof Wednesday or Thursday. The chunk punched a small hole in the roof over a closet and scattered ceiling-tile debris.

Federal Aviation Administration inspectors say the piece of metal was broken at both ends and was not an airplane part.

An FAA spokeswoman says the chunk likely came from a piece of heavy machinery, possibly a wood chipper.

Police are stumped...

Right a lot to the land where snow abounds

Otto the confused bunny came as a free gift to Ville Kuusinen's home, when he bought nine Silkie hens and a rooster from a farm, the funny bunny likes hatching eggs, scratching around the coop and roosting on a beam with the rest of the hens.

Otto does not like to sit on laps or eat carrots like most pet rabbits. The rabbit that has lived with chickens all his life prefers chicken feed and runs with the chickens outdoors and sometimes plays with them by jumping over them.

Wonder what chicken and rabbit stew tastes like....

And finally:

 I bet that hurts.

That’s it: I’m orf to find some Flerovium, and maybe a bit of Livermorium.

And today’s thought:

Angus

Shed stress: Feckless parents: Higgs boson-nearly: Audible burp: Big bug: and are you H.A.P.P.Y?

Definite lack of vertical distance in the liquid metal heat gauge at the Castle this morn, the study is still awaiting delivery of any type of non working what knots, his Maj has decided to stay in the warm today and I spent an hour replacing the ballcock yestermorn.

Apparently the Daily Fool reckons that:

Sheds “could help men live longer.” The “newspaper” adds that the “therapeutic effects of pottering around relieves stress, which lowers blood pressure and even boosts self-esteem”.

Yeah right, hands up all those “potterers” who can’t even get into their haven because of all the crap stored there.....

And the Irritable Bowel Twins

Think that giving more money to poor families will not help the issue of child poverty because feckless parents will spend it on themselves, Iain Duncan Smith warned on Thursday night.

He warned that extra money provided to dysfunctional families may simply be spent on drugs or gambling, rather than on helping children.

Sigh... 

Over to the big round magnetic thing

Earlier this month, physicists announced results of a combined search for the Higgs by the Atlas and CMS experiments at the Large Hadron Collider (LHC).

Their analysis, presented at a meeting in Paris, shows that physicists have now covered a large chunk of the search area in detail, ruling out a broad part of the mass range where the boson could be lurking.

An even more important milestone in the Higgs hunt beckons in December.

Researchers have now excluded the possibility that the Higgs (in its conventional form) will be found between the masses of 141 gigaelectronvolts (GeV) and 476 GeV.

Finding the Higgs boson at a mass of 476 GeV or more is considered highly unlikely.

This means that physicists are now focussing their hunt on the remaining "low mass" range - a small window between 114 GeV and 141 GeV.

Within that window, there is an intriguing "excess" in observations - a Higgs hint, perhaps - that stands out at 120 GeV.

But as fluctuations go, this one is relatively weak - at around the two-sigma level of certainty.

Get it, got it- good...

 

Over to the land that is doing even worse than Europe

A 13-year-old was handcuffed and hauled off to a juvenile detention for burping in class, according to a lawsuit filed against an Albuquerque school principal, a teacher and city police officer.

The boy was transported without his parents being notified in May after he "burped audibly" in PE class and his teacher called a school resource officer to complain he was disrupting her class.

Good job he didn’t fart......

Dahn Unda and right a smidge

Discovered up a tree, this giant Weta has been declared the largest ever found – weighing the equivalent of three mice.

The insect, with a 7in wing span, was found by American bug lover Mark Moffett, 53, on Little Barrier Island, in New Zealand.

The nocturnal creature, known as Wetapunga or "god of ugly things", is the largest sub-species of the giant Weta, weighing the same as a small bird.

The Wetapunga can grow up to 10 centimetres long and its leg span can reach 20 centimetres.

Need a roll of wallpaper to sort that out....

 

And finally:

In a parallel universe

A study of well-being has shown 76 per cent of people rated themselves as seven out of 10 or more when asked to gauge how satisfied they were with life.

A further 73 per cent rated themselves as seven or more out of 10 when asked how happy they felt yesterday.

But more than one in four, or 27 per cent, rated themselves above five out of 10 in a scale where zero rated as ''not all anxious'' and 10 rated as ''completely anxious'' when answering the question ''how anxious did you feel yesterday?'' compared to more than half, or 57 per cent, with ratings of less than four out of 10.

The poll of 4,200 adults carried out by the Office for National Statistics (ONS) showed the figure rose to 78 per cent when people were asked to rate the extent to which they feel the things they do in life are worthwhile.

When “they” have asked the other 63 million odd and come up with a proper answer I might take some notice.

That’s it: I’m orf to print orf a backbone for Nick Clegg

 

And today’s thought:

Angus

My Old Dutch: No chance Nick: 10 days to Armageddon: Scotch bonnet: Mucky truck: Clarkson should be hung, drawn and quartered: and the dog and duck.

Wettish, calmish and coolish at the Castle this morn, the study is still devoid of devastated do dahs, his Maj is still bringing me worms and the elbow has finally stopped hurting. 

It being the 1^st of December and our 40^th wedding anniversary I wasn’t going to post today but life goes on and below is a tribute to my lovely “M”.

Sorry about the sound quality.

It seems that optimist and brown nose Nick Clegg

Is in a bit of a quandary after endorsing another two years of public spending cuts following the next general election.

Muppet Danny Alexander, the Liberal Democrat Chief Treasury Secretary, could not say where cuts required after 2015 would fall. "In good time, well before the election, we will set out where those savings will be made," he said. Asked if the Liberal Democrats would go into the next election promising nearly £30bn more austerity, he replied: "I'm afraid so."

 The Lib Dems have about as much chance of winning the next election as..........the Tories.

Allegedly over in the Eurozone

Banks have been told to brace themselves for financial Armageddon after being told there were just ten days left to save the euro.

They were advised to make contingency plans for the inevitable collapse of the single currency unless European leaders can come up with a last-minute rescue package.

Can’t wait....

Back in British Blighty and up a bit

Scotch Bonnet Cheddar - the hottest cheese ever to be sold in the UK - is about to land on supermarket shelves across the country.

It has been made using the fearsome Scotch Bonnet chilli pepper, which is known to pack a flaming punch.

The Scotch Bonnet emits a heat intensity that blows away the more commonly used Jalapeno. The intensity of a chilli is measured in Scoville units and the Scotch Bonnet has a rating of 100,000-350,000, while the Jalapeno only has a 2500-8000 score.

The cheese has been developed for Tesco and will be available in over 700 stores, priced at £2 for a 250g pack.

Tesco cheese buyer Ashleigh MacFarlane said: 'Britain has a huge growing chilli culture which is increasingly creeping into all kinds of everyday foods from chocolate, jams, crisps, nuts and now cheese.

Save having to buy mouse traps-just put the cheese down and you end up with a ready cooked snack....

Right oodles of lengths

To the land of bamboo and noodles a trucker tried to shoot the lights at a junction in Shenzhen, Guangdong province, southern China managed to tip his motor over and dumped more than a smidge of dirt on a taxi.

Cabbie Lui Ming, 45, suddenly found himself in more than half a tonne of soil when the lorry driver had to brake suddenly and ended up overturning his truck.

"I was waiting at a traffic light and the squeals of his brake behind me - and then it went complete dark," he explained.

Passersby helped dig him out but the crushed car was a write off, say police.

Dirty trick....

And not surprisingly

The BBC has been forced to apologise after Jeremy Clarkson said he would like to see striking public sector workers "shot" in front of their families.

The Top Gear presenter made his comments on BBC's The One Show on the evening of Britain's biggest public sector strikes in 30 years.

He said of the strikers: "I'd have them all shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

"I mean, how dare they go on strike when they've got these gilt-edged pensions that are going to be guaranteed while the rest of us have to work for a living."

Work for a living? Travelling the world at our expense driving Asbo Martins, Lambos, Bugatti Veyrons, Koenigseggs and Ferraris is “work” is it?

Fuck orf Clarkson.

And finally:

Left to the land of the gun and the home of the Numpty

An American man was rushed to hospital after being shot in the buttocks by his dog during an ill-fated duck hunting accident in Utah.

The 46 year-old, who has not been named, was hit just a few feet away from his "excited" pet canine, which had stepped on a shotgun in his boat.

He escaped serious injury – only receiving an injury to his buttocks and, almost certainly to his pride. Police confirmed the incident was not a hoax.

Officers said the man, and an unidentified friend had been duck hunting on the Great Salt Lake, in the country's west, at the weekend.

The hunter, from Brigham City, about 60 miles north of the state capital Salt Lake City, was shot as he climbed out of the boat to move decoys in the shallow marsh area.

Kevin Potter, the Box Elder County Sheriff’s deputy chief, said the man left his 12-gauge shotgun in the boat before the dog stepped on it, causing it to discharge.

The right to bare arse?
 

That’s it: I’m orf to apply for a job

And today’s thought:

Angus

Not even a plan A (part quatre): EU MOT: Real deal meal: Bouncing basketball: Applied sexuality: and Cor-sa all at sea.

Cold, clear, windy and wettish at the Castle this morn, the study is still lacking in the malfunctioning machines dept, his Maj is still bringing me worms and my lovely young lady has been and trimmed the head hirsuteness.

Plan A is an ex parrot

After wasting an hour or so of my life watching son of a B.....aronet (and alien reptile in disguise) George (I need a torch to find my rear exit) Osborne rambling on about resurfacing the A 12, polishing railway tracks and taking away tax credits to pay for the 5.2% increase in “benefits” I have come to the conclusion that our dearly beloved unelected Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition is about as much use as all the other self serving gutless “political” vermin that is infesting the palace of Westminster in the guise of MPs.

Basically we are fucked; “they” are going to do bugger all to make our lives better-unemployment up, the deficit up, food up, “energy” costs up, go juice up (despite the delay in tax), fares up (despite the pitiful cut in over inflation rises), water up; pensions down, wages down and our standard of living down.

If anyone is thinking of doing an e-petition calling for a vote of no confidence in “them” send me a link and I will gladly sign it.

And just to add to our joy

A raft of changes will be implemented in January represent the biggest overhaul of the MoT test since car emissions were included in the early 1990s.

Initially a motorist whose car fails to meet the new standards will be given a period of grace to make the necessary repairs.

But by the end of the year the necessary repair will have to be done straight away for an MoT certificate to be issued.

The overhaul, which was announced by the Vehicle and Operator Services Agency, comes as the Government considers delaying the first MoT test until a car is four years old and extending the interval between inspections from one year to two.

However the tougher rules are being brought in to comply with EU requirements aimed at ensuring that the testing regime covers the latest innovations.

 And that applies to my 13 year old Honda how....

Over in the land of the fish and the home of caviar

Restaurants around the world will soon use new DNA technology to assure patrons they are being served the genuine fish fillet or caviar they ordered, rather than inferior substitutes, an expert in genetic identification says.

In October, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration officially approved so-called DNA bar coding – a standardised fingerprint that can identify a species like a supermarket scanner reads a bar code – to prevent the mislabelling of both locally produced and imported seafood in the United States.

Other national regulators around the world are also considering adopting DNA bar coding as a fast, reliable and cost-effective tool for identifying organic matter.

Yeah right-that’s going to work...

Still in the place where lingerie football abounds

Becauseof the NBA lockout a group of nightclub owners appear to have taken things into their own hands.

This morning it was revealed they want to form a basketball league of topless dancers to attract attention to the sport while the NBA saga drags on after nearly five months of crisis.

Rick's Cabaret group's league, consisting of dancers from their 23 clubs, has reportedly said a former NBA star will be announced next week as coach of the New York team, which will unveil its uniforms - we're suspecting some of the most minute ever seen on a court -next week as well.

Gianna no last name, a player for the New York team has reportedly said.

"The girls are really excited. We're practically busting out of our tops.

They won’t be the only ones who are excited...

East a lot to the country that didn’t invade Poland

At the £1,400-a-term International Sex School in Vienna, Austria, corporal punishment is part of the curriculum, not a punishment.

Swedish-born headmistress Ylva-Maria Thompson says anyone over the age of 16 can enrol as a pupil to learn at what she calls "the world's first college of applied sexuality".

Students live in a mixed sex dormitory block where they're expected to practise their homework.

Added the school head: "Our core education is not theoretical, but very practical. The emphasis is on how to be a better lover.

"Sexual positions, caressing techniques, anatomical features. And we teach people hands on."

Raunchy adverts showing a couple making love have already been banned by straight-laced Austrian TV.

"This is wrapped up in a very stylish way but it is just selling sex," said one protester.

Thank him/her upstairs I’m too old for school. My old heart couldn’t stand the strain.

And finally:

Dahn in Welsh Wales

Authorities in the Swansea region are asking ships to keep an eye out for a Vauxhall Corsa after it was submerged after being parked on a slipway near Swansea yesterday afternoon.

Despite the best efforts of coastguards, the search for the silver hatchback proved elusive, with it slipping under their radar.

Luckily, the two passengers managed to get out of the rental car before it slipped underwater - although they probably won't be getting their deposit back.

The couple had been parked at near Knab Rock in Mumbles, Swansea, when the tide turned and a local recovery service was said to have been unable to recover the vehicle.

A spokesman for the Swansea Coastguard said: 'We broadcast navigation warnings every four hours, and in that broadcast today we have asked vessels to look out for silver Vauxhall Corsa.

'It is possible it could be anywhere in the Bristol Channel.'

The good news is that the Corsa has landed on Mumbles beach.

That’s it: I’m orf to become a scientist.

And today’s thought:

Angus