The Angus Dei Cupid Stunts awards 2011

As Blighty follows 2011 into oblivion, it is once again time for the much awaited list detailing the worst and the very worst of the knobhead bastards that have robbed, screwed and taken the piss out of us over the last twelve months.

The panel (myself, his Maj and the Butler) has spent at least two and a half minutes going through the thousands, OK hundreds, oh all right, the couple of nominations for this coveted prize.

We have decided not to include the obvious such as members of  the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition, (apart from a few exceptions) or all the other thieving, useless, inept, arrogant MPs and the “we are all in this together” lying Pratts that think we are as stupid as they are. 

Instead the focus will.....well focus on those who have managed to exceed even my standard of total bollix in the last 364 days.

Starting at the end: 

Number ten:

Will be posted to The Royal Mail who has managed to cut back on deliveries and collections, close more post offices than there are managers in the NHS, bump up prices until it is cheaper to drive to the address and shove the letter under the door and take nine days to deliver a package posted in Guildford Surrey to the Castle dahn ‘ere in ‘Ampshire (ten miles).

Number nine:

Is transported to the bus, train and airline jonnies who have reduced services, put up prices, couldn’t keep to a timetable if our lives depended on it and give even less of a shit about us than that lot in Westminster.

 Number eight:

Is awarded to all the “energy suppliers” who have managed to bring twenty million households in Blighty to their knees with swingeing price increases, indecipherable bills, unimaginable “plans”, and Piss Poor service whilst blaming someone else for charging more. 

Number seven:

Goes to the European Union which has managed to totally balls up the “Eurozone” leaving more than a couple of countries so far in debt that they will still be bankrupt in 2050, and then has the temerity to ask us to contribute to yet another bailout fund.

Number six:

Is retailed as Tesco, who keep raking in astronomical profits while “giving” us ‘price drops’ and still manages to increase my weekly shopping bill by about five percent each seven days.

Number five:

Is emailed to “The electronic Media” such as Auntie BBC, Channels three, four, five, and even higher numbers who have managed to dumb down our viewing experience with such delights as Strictly come bleedin dancing, Britain’s got talent, Big brother, come dine with me, I’m an arsehole get me out of here, and East Enders which is even more depressing than real life.

Number four:

Has to be the BWankers that managed to lend billions to people who had about as much of a chance of repaying as finding a gold bar in the bog after a dump, and then gladly accepted hundreds of billions from us so that they could continue to pay themselves vast bonuses while we fell into the black hole.

Number three:

Is the first exception; Son of a B....aronet (and alien reptile in disguise) George (my wallpaper shop is going dahn the drain) Osborne who has managed to plunge sixty odd million inhabitants of our once fair land into abject poverty using his tunnel vision and lack of common sense, foresight, fiscal knowhow,  and total absence of an IQ.

  

Number two:

Is the second exception and is given with many thanks to U-Turn Dave and his brown nosed side kick what’s his name who have decided that we will not have a referendum on staying in the EU, will see our standard of existance decline to the point where Africa is offering us aid, has managed to put more people on the dole than their predecessors, borrowed more dosh on “our behalf” than you could shake a knob at, lied and cheated their way into power and all the while seem to exist in an alternative universe.

And ending at the start:

Number one:

Is of course.......us, the general public who once again believed the lying, cheating bastards that have ruined the economy, the NHS, the housing market, the job market and screwed all and sundry without actually being elected.

So on behalf everyone in broken, bollixed up Blighty I gratefully accept this prestigious award on our behalf.

Angus

Depressed Blighty: Out-in NHS: Virtual Numptys: Jesus! It’s the Takenouchi Documents: Arse prints: and Intelligent slime.

More than a whimsy of lack of heat at the Castle this morn, the butler has returned from his Crimbo hols looking like he spent the week in Syria and is begrudgingly shoving fat teenagers into the furnace, the study is overflowing with busted bodge-ups and his Maj has discovered the joy of diving under the duvet and biting my feet.

I see that Dahn in Sussex

Police officers have been banned from charging their mobile phones and MP3 players at work in an attempt to save money.

Sussex Police is attempting to save £50m in total by 2015.

Bloody hell! I didn’t know Leccy was that expensive.....

And according to “experts”

High levels of depression are costing the country almost £11bn a year in lost earnings, in demands on the health service and in prescribing drugs to tackle the problem.

The extent of the economic damage caused by the illness emerged as new figures showed that the use of anti-depressants and sleeping pills is soaring. Last night charities said the economic turmoil, increased job insecurity and mounting unemployment have contributed to growing levels of depression over the past three years.

According to research by the House of Commons, people unable to work because of depression lose £8.97bn of potential earnings per year. The cost to the NHS of treating depression is put at more than £520m a year. This comprises £237m for hospital care, £230m for antidepressant drugs, £46m for doctors' time and £9m for outpatients' appointments. 

But the best bit is “The loss of earnings from people who commit suicide is estimated at a further £1.47bn.”

 ????

Still in brown Blighty

Allegedly the number of NHS patients who have to undergo emergency readmission to hospital within a month of being discharged has increased by more than three quarters in the last decade, the Daily Telegraph has disclosed.

More than 660,000 people were brought back to hospital last year within 28 days of leaving, statistics show, sparking allegations that patients are being “hurried through the system” so the NHS can meet waiting-list targets.

The official figures show that some NHS trusts have seen their emergency readmission rate rise more than three-fold over the past decade – while some hospitals have seen only a modest increase.

Hospitals have been accused by ministers of treating patients “like parts on a production line” after official figures suggested that hundreds of thousands of people every year are being sent home before they are well enough.

Now I know why the BUPA using Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition wants to up the private income to 50 percent in ‘Orspitals.

East to the land of fireworks, clothing, toys, china ware, beauty products, furniture, footwear, and fabrics.

A man in China recently spent $16,000 for a virtual sword on a game that has not even been released yet.

"Age of Wulin," by California-based company Snail Games has not even been released on mainland China but that isn't stopping some from spending serious cash on the game.

The game is a role-playing one that is set in ancient China and is a massively multiplayer online role-playing game, or better known as MMORPGs.

The man is not alone in his purchases. A study released earlier in the year valued the virtual economy for MMORPGs is $3 billion. 

MMMind blowing....

Dahn a bit to the place where they don’t produce fireworks, clothing, toys, china ware, beauty products, furniture, footwear, and fabrics.

Apparently according to the 1,500 year old “Takenouchi Documents,”   JC visited Japan between the ages of 21 and 33, and spent this time studying the native language and culture, before returning to Jerusalem.

And he didn’t spend a rather bad Easter there but it was his younger brother Isukiri, who took his place on the cross.

After legging it to Siberia he travelled via Alaska and arrived at the port of Hachinohe, 40km from the village of Shingo. He lived the rest of his life in the village, where he married, had three children and died at the age of 106.

The Tomb of the son of what’s His/Her name is at the top of a wooded hill overlooking the rice fields, there are  two graves, each a mound of earth marked with a wooden cross. The grave to the left has the ear of Isukuri along with a lock of the Virgin Mary’s hair. The one on the right is where the bones of Christ himself are buried.

 

Discuss......

Still in the land of biblical cock ups

Researchers at Japan's Advanced Institute of Industrial Technology have developed a car seat that carefully scans a driver's backside to verify their identity before the car will start.

Researchers insist the method is less intrusive and more convenient than current fingerprint and iris scan technology. And drivers don't have to drop their drawers for it to work.

The system embeds 360 incredibly precise sensors within the driver's seat, the foundation of a system that is 98 percent accurate, according to researchers.

Scientists hope the sensor-filled seats will start rolling off the arse-embly line in two to three years.

Too much radiation methinks...


And finally:

Remaining in the place where mutations are rife

Toshiyuki Nakagaki, a professor at Future University Hakodate, northern Japan, cultivates slime in Petri dishes and has discovered how the brainless organism is capable of finding its way out of a maze.

The brainless organism is able to “organise” its cells to create the most direct route through a maze in order to reach a source of food, according to his studies.

The findings highlight how slime mould possesses information processing abilities shared by humans which are more sophisticated than the most advanced computers, according to Professor Nakagaki.

 

Unfortunately we only have the unintelligent form of slime in Blighty-it’s called Parliament.

That’s it: I’m orf to cross some intelligent slime with a brainless fish.

 

And today’s thought:

Angus 

Hello sailor: Stilton-not: No tomorrow: Brooming Bethlehem: and the Ball biter.

Cold, calm and decidedly non Crimbo at the Castle this morn, the new front toof is back in place anchored with what feels like a scaffold pole driven through the top of my skull, I am back to the un connected computers in the study and his Maj needs a new bed.

Dahn Unda

The Royal Australian Navy has sent a delegation to Britain to recruit some of the 5,000 Royal Navy personnel due to lose their jobs over the next four years.

It is understood that the Australian navy wants to speak directly to sailors facing redundancy to offer them “career transition options”.

Australia’s Chief of Navy, Vice Admiral Ray Griggs, promised his British counterpart, First Sea Lord Admiral Sir Mark Stanhope, that Australia will not recruit personnel needed by the British.

Royal Navy officers are said to have told the Australians they were “very comfortable” with the plan.

Goodbye sailor....

Back in Blighty

Villagers in Stilton are a bit more than miffed after an unusual law upheld by the Department for Food, Environment and Rural Affairs prevents them from naming their cheese after their home town.

The Stilton Cheese Makers Association has been fighting against the 1996 Protected Designation of Origin order, which has prevented Stilton cheese from being officially named so, outside of Leicester, Nottinghamshire and Derbyshire.

Liam McGivern, the landlord of the Bell Inn pub, said he is upset by Defra's decision to let him make the cheese but not give it the Stilton name.

'Anyone can make the cheese but they won't let us call it Stilton,' Mr McGivern said.

In the 18th century, the Bell Inn's pub owner was said to be the first to market the cheese,

Now, by law, the establishment must sell the cheese as 'blue-veined cheese made in Stilton'. Mr McGivern markets the cheese as 'Bell Blue'.

Smells a bit fishy to me.....

Shifting Samoa

Along with tiny Tokelau to the north the inhabitants of Samoa are going from midnight tonight straight to New Year's Eve.

After 119 years to the east of the International Date Line, Samoa is shifting to the west so they can be on the same calendar day as their main economic partners, Australia and New Zealand.

When Samoa went the other way in 1892, because most of its trade had shifted from Sydney to San Francisco, writer Robert Louis Stevenson was living there.

Wonder if we could “shift” Blighty about two thousand miles south, that’ll piss orf the “energy providers”.

Over to the “village” where peace on Earth began

The annual broom battle took place again this Crimbo: Palestinian police stormed the basilica of the Nativity in Bethlehem after rival groups of Orthodox and Armenian clerics clashed in a row over the boundaries of their respective ancient jurisdictions inside the church.

Armed with brooms, around 100 priests and monks came to blows during the cleaning of the church in preparation for Orthodox Christmas celebrations.

Nice to see that JC’s mantra is working so well....

And finally: 

To the place where you wouldn’t want to have a dip in a river

Jeremy Wade, 53, spent weeks hunting for the perpetrator in remote Papua New Guinea after locals reported a mysterious beast which was castrating young fishermen.

He finally unmasked the monster as the Pacu fish - known locally as ‘The Ball Cutter’ - and managed to catch one in his small wooden fishing boat.

Mr Wade wrestled the 40lb monster on to the floor of his boat and opened its snapping jaws with his naked hands - to discover a jaw-dropping array of human-style teeth.

The Ball Cutter boasts an impressive set of man-like molars, which tear off the testicles of unwitting hunters, leaving them to bleed to death.

Pacu fish are usually found in the Amazon, where they need their teeth to crack into the tough cases of nuts and seeds.

The previously vegetarian fish were introduced to Papua New Guinea 15 years ago to increase stocks.

They quickly used their special technique to chomp meat due to a lack of suitable vegetation in the waters - making short work of human testicles.

Brings tears to one’s eyes...

That’s it: I’m orf to hack a chuff-chuff 

And today’s thought:

Angus

Wrong type of health care: Wrong type of wind: Wrong type of water: Cranky croc: Happy Easter: and dented Sainsburys.

Moistish, muggyish and a smidge moody at the Castle this morn, work on the defunct do dahs dawdling in the study will commence tomorrow and now that his Maj has figured out how to use the cat flap he has decided to tear in and out of it every ten seconds or so. 

I see that Kim Jung more than IL is being planted this morn

Allegedly tens of thousands of soldiers bowed their heads as a giant portrait of Mr Kim was carried slowly through the streets.

His successor and third son, Kim Jung-un, walked beside the hearse, images from state television showed.  

Wonder how ronery the new leader will be.....

And our Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition

Has come up with a cunning plan to balls up our NHS even more, hospitals will be allowed to earn up to half of their income from private work, it was reported today.

The current cap on income generated from private patients is typically limited to just a few percent but is set to rise to 49% in a move slipped out by the Government last week, according to The Times.

According to knobhead Health Secretary Andrew Lansley "Lifting the private income cap for foundation hospitals will directly benefit NHS patients.

"If these hospitals earn additional income from private work that means there will be more money available to invest in NHS services.

And for every private patient treated there will be an NHS patient that can’t be treated....because the Doctor will be busy earning even more money.

And:

Wind farm operators are on course to earn up to £10 million this year for turning off their turbines.

Official figures disclosed that 17 operators were paid almost £7 million for shutting down their farms on almost 40 ­occasions between January and mid-September. Continuing to make payments at that rate would lead to householders paying out £9.9 million in 2011 for operators to disconnect their turbines from the National Grid.

The scale of the payments triggered a review of the rules on so-called constraint payments. The payments are made when too much electricity floods the grid, with the network unable to absorb any excess power generated. The money is ultimately added on to household bills and paid for by consumers.

Last year, only £176,788 of such payments were made, but changes in the way the National Grid, which supplies energy to retail companies, “balances” the electricity network have meant a huge expansion in their use.

The rules meant that some renewable energy companies were paid more to switch off their turbines than they would have received from ordinary operations.

The wrong type of Leccy...so much for “green energy”.

Dahn Unda

A freight train was swept off a bridge during flooding caused by a cyclone in northern Australia.

The two drivers were rescued after being trapped in the vehicle and were flown to hospital in Katherine, south of Darwin, it was reported.

The Edith River Bridge collapsed and some carriages from the derailed train floated downstream in the incident, a local MP told ABC News.

Environmental authorities in the Northern Territory are believed to be investigating if chemicals from the 20-car iron ore train leaked in the flooded river.

Heavy rain from Cyclone Grant led to isolated flooding in the territory, cutting off roads as drivers became stranded.

One couple climbed on to their car roof after the vehicle stalled but they were swept along into the Edith River.

They clung to a tree branch until they were rescued.

Now that is the wrong type of rain.....

Still in the land of hollow wooden tubes

A giant saltwater crocodile named Elvis with an apparent affinity for household machinery charged at an Australian reptile park worker Wednesday before stealing his lawn mower.

Tim Faulkner, operations manager at the Australian Reptile Park, north of Sydney, was one of three workers tending to the lawn in Elvis' enclosure when he heard reptile keeper Billy Collett let out a yelp. Faulkner looked up to see the 16-foot (5-meter), 1,100-pound (500-kilogram) crocodile lunging out of its lagoon at Collett, who warded the creature off with his mower.

"Before we knew it, the croc had the mower above his head," Faulkner said. "He got his jaws around the top of the mower and picked it up and took it underwater with him."

The workers quickly left the enclosure. Elvis, meanwhile, showed no signs of relinquishing his new toy and sat guarding it closely all morning.

Eventually, Faulkner realized he had no other choice but to go back in after the mower.

Collett lured Elvis to the opposite end of the lagoon with a heaping helping of kangaroo meat while Faulkner plunged, fully clothed, into the water. Before grabbing the mower, however, he had to search the bottom of the lagoon for two 3-inch (7-centimeter) teeth Elvis lost during the encounter. He quickly found them and escaped from the pool, unharmed and with mower in tow.

 

I’ve heard some weird excuses for not mowing the lawn, but that takes the Kangaroo meat...

Over to one of the European lands

Hashim Thaci, the prime minister of Kosovo, made a major error over the Christmas period, by wishing all Catholics a happy Easter rather than a merry Christmas.

In his festive statement, which was distributed by his office, he said that Easter is the most important holiday in the Catholic world.

He went on to congratulate the official Vatican and all Catholics on the occasion of the resurrection of Christ, rather than his birth.

The prime minister went on to say that he hoped the Easter festivities would bring the Kosovan Catholics 'more warmth, hope and success' as well as 'progress in society, harmony and peace'.

When officials in the prime minister's office noticed the error a second statement appeared on Thaci's official website, offering glad tidings over the festive period.

Nice to see that another country has a Prime Monster with his head up his arse....

And finally: 

Back in Ronery Blighty

A couple who completed a 33,000-mile trip around the world in a rare 1956 Bristol 405 Drophead Coupeclassic car came back to England to find a ''large dent'' in the side after leaving it in a supermarket car park.

Geoffrey and Hilary Herdman, who are both retired, took 16 months to complete the trip that they described as a ''wrinkly gap year''.

Their drive around the world was made in a 1956 Bristol 405 Drophead Coupe, of which only 42 were made.

Despite encountering some of the toughest roads in the world without any problems, it was when they got home and parked the Bristol in a Sainsbury's car park that they ran into trouble.

Having popped into the supermarket they returned to their prized car and found that another motorist had dented it.

 

Sod’s law....

 

That’s it: I’m orf to have a poke at my deep sea vent 

And today’s thought:

Angus  

And so that was Crimbo.

And what did I done....went to see my god daughter/partner/one year old great nephew/ various parents/ sisters/other in laws and random “young people”, listened to “music” for twenty something’s/got a headache broke my new toof on a walnut, listened to several choruses of “all I want for Crimbo is me two front teef” from the assembled masses, laughed until I nearly soiled myself-one year old great nephew already had, went home after more than several hours, cooked my Crimbo dinner in a box”-very tasty with the added veggies, fell onto the sofa and snoozed the rest of the day away with his Maj stretched out on my lap.

All in all a great day-orf to the dentist on Wednesday (hopefully).

I see that old fart Phil the Greek is still in ‘orspital

And was probably more than a bit miffed not to get the chance to blast any feathered thing that had the temerity to take orf for the annual bloodbath up in Sandringham.

Never mind there’s always next year-maybe....

And the usual Crimbo suspects still abound:

Over to the left

A convicted Numpty accidentally shot himself in the leg on Christmas Eve, police said.

New Haven officers arrived at 166 Thompson Street shortly after 10 p.m. Saturday to a report of a person shot during a robbery attempt. They found Darrel Johnson, 51 suffering from a gunshot wound to the leg.

After speaking to the victim, Johnson changed his story and told police he had actually shot himself. It turns out Johnson had forgotten he transferred his pistol from his pants pocket to his waistband, and during a trip to the bathroom, the gun fell, hitting the toilet and discharging, police said. The bullet struck him in the leg.

Police said Johnson told them he had recently acquired the gun for personal protection. As a convicted felon, Johnson will face several charges for possession a firearm, according to the rozzers.

Shame it didn’t hit him about three inches higher-in the brain...

Back to the garden of Blighty

Last year’s Crimbo crim.

Police found a large cannabis plant resembling a Christmas tree -- complete with brightly-coloured baubles -- while conducting a raid on Ian Richards home last December.

A judge sentenced Richards to 18 months behind bars for drug offences last month, a police spokesman told The Guardian newspaper on Friday.

Investigating officer Darren Dennett told the paper that "by using a 5 foot tall cannabis plant as a Christmas tree, Richards showed a total disregard for the law."

He said that one of the bedrooms in Richards' home had been "transformed into a very sophisticated cannabis factory.

"He claimed the plants were for his own personal use but the factory clearly had the potential to produce a large quantity of cannabis."

Cannabis Crimbo....

Still in eccentric England

A beauty therapist, who used to be called Charlotte Price, said she is obsessed with the colour pink. She mostly wears pink, lives in a house decorated in pink and works in a pink salon.

And is now known as Pink Sparkly And All Things Nice after changing her name by deed poll for a tenner.

The mother of three boys goes by the shortened version Pink Nice but admits many people still her by her old name. "My mum thinks I'm a bit mad really and so do my children. They stick to 'Mum'."

Other name Numptys are: Daniel Knox-Hewson, 23, and Kelvin Borbidge, 22, also of Nottingham.

The pair who work in a pub together changed their names with the Legal Deed Poll Service for £10 each and are believed to both have the longest names in the UK

Name Numpty number one is Knox-Hewson who renamed himself Emperor Spiderman Gandalf Wolverine Skywalker Optimus Prime Goku Sonic Xavier Ryu Cloud Superman Heman Batman Thrash.

And name Numpty number two:

Kelvin Borbidge now goes by Baron Venom Balrog Sabretooth Vader Megatron Vegeta Robotnik Magneto Bison Sephiroth Lex Luthor Skeletor Joker Grind



Waste of a Maj’s head brownish silver striped paper bank note.

Staying in the land of running and swimming

Some of the girls from Team GB will be raising temperatures after stripping down to some saucy lingerie to pose for a charity calendar.

Hollie Avil, Lani Belcher, Imogen Cairns, Jenna Hawkey, Vicki Hawkins, Katy Livingston, Rosie Morris, Jenna Randall, Nicola Sanders, Francesca Snell and Jess Walker are getting their kit orf for Wellbeing of Women, an organisation that is dedicated to improving the health of women and babies, and is available for £9.99 at www.nicholedecarle.com.

Already paid by Paypal....

And finally:

A Crimbo pressie for some people in the land to the East that used to be much bigger

Fragments of a Russian satellite that failed to launch properly have landed in a street named after cosmonauts in a remote Siberian village, reports say.

The Meridian communications satellite failed to reach orbit on Friday.

Parts crashed into the Novosibirsk region of central Siberia and were found in the Ordynsk district around 100km (60 miles) south of the regional capital, Novosibirsk.

Galactic Crimbo?

That’s it: I’m orf to look for some fairy shrimps at the bottom of the garden

And today’s thought:

Angus.

Old fart gets stented: Cost of Crimbo: Confiscated cupcake: Evicted snap: and the twelve days of Irish.

A cold, damp and slightly dismal start to the last sleep day before Crimbo at the Castle this morn, I have stuffed so many fat teenagers into the furnace that the Elfandsafety elves have been round to complain about the amount of smoke coming from the chimney, his Maj is eagerly awaiting the arrival of a big fat bloke in a funny red suit and this will be the last post for a few days. 

But I would like to wish all the visitors and commenter’s who were unlucky enough to happen on my Piss Poor blog, and blogosphere friends a very happy Crimbo and a merry new year (after all it couldn’t be any worse than this one...can it?).

Apparently a ninety year old has been airlifted to hospital for heart surgery

Phil the Greek is in Papworth after suffering from chest pains at Sandringham, the palace said that following tests the duke was found to have a blocked coronary artery which had caused his chest pains.

This was treated successfully by the minimally invasive procedure of coronary stenting.

And as the old git lays there being waited on hand and foot I hope he has a think about the thousands of “older” people who are going to have to wait for a year or so to have their damaged hips replaced, their dodgy knees done and other bits repaired.

But he probably won’t; especially if the “staff” comes from foreign climes....

Allegedly:

If you do the 12 days of Crimbo thing

It will cost $101,000, an annual Christmas "price guide" says.

The "price tag" for all 364 items and services in each of the song's verses breaks $100,000 for the first time this year, the Christmas Price Index released for the 28th year by PNC Wealth Management, part of the PNC Financial Services Group, said.

The prices included nine ladies dancing at $6,294 and 11 pipers piping at $2,427.60.

And if you can't afford the $2,629.90 for the 12 drummers drumming, there's always that partridge -- although that's up this year to $15.

And that pear tree will run you $169.

Not too bad, I reckon that works out at about £64,421.39 for the lot in English, that’s only about twenty year’s money if you are unemployed....

Meanwhile the Crimbo spirit is thriving over to the left

A woman who just flew back home from Las Vegas says an airport security officer confiscated her frosted cupcake because he thought the icing on it could be a security risk.

Rebecca Hains said the Transportation Security Administration agent at McCarran International Airport took her cupcake Wednesday, telling her its frosting was enough like a gel to violate TSA restrictions on allowing liquids and gels onto flights to prevent them from being used as explosives. She said the agent told her the frosting was conforming to the jar it was inside.

Hains, who lives in Peabody, just north of Boston, said the agent didn't seem concerned that the cupcake could actually be explosive, just that it fit some bureaucratic definition about what was prohibited. She said he even offered to let her eat it away from the airport security area.
The TSA, which is entrusted with protecting the nation's transportation system, was reviewing the situation, agency spokesman Nico Melendez said. Passengers are allowed to take cakes and cupcakes through checkpoints, he said.


Apart from this time apparently.

Still in the land of the evicted and the home of the free

A pair of grandparents in Indiana were kicked out of a mall for taking photos - of their grandson.

Debbie Cassella and Don Oberloh were at the University Park Mall just outside of South Bend, Ind., on Tuesday with their five-year-old grandson who was visiting from California, local TV news outlet WNDU reports.

The couple had planned to take their grandson to see Santa at the mall, and were sitting in the mall's food court when Oberloh snapped a photo of their grandson, the station reported.

That's when a mall employee told them to stop taking pictures or risk getting thrown out of the mall.

"I thought she was joking and I said, 'I'm taking a picture of my grandson,'" Oberloh told WNDU. "I'd understand if I was taking pictures of the architecture or the products in the stores and she became a little hostile and aggressive."

Oberloh asked to speak to the mall's manager but security staff came and asked him to leave instead, he told the station.

A spokesperson for the mall told WNDU that mall managers are investigating the incident, and noted that the mall does have a policy prohibiting photography.

Sounds like the security staff were a bit “snappy”...

And finally:
 

The Irish version of the twelve days.

That’s it: I’m orf to raise the drawbridge, lower the portcullis, man the murder holes and boil the oil in case the carol singers come round.

And today’s thought:

Angus

Silly Billy for PM: Slumped Wallpaper : Gritty skid: Bad snaps: Barnsley Brussels: and the dancing Crimbo safety demo.

Warmish, wettish and wobblyish at the Castle this two sleeps to go morn, the Crimbo shopping is all sorted-one Crimbo meal in a box, a parsnip, six mince pies, custard, a bit of Crimbo cake and a partridge in a pear tree.

I have treated myself to a new “smart phone” which runs on android 2.2; I will let you know how good it is when I have worked out how to turn it on.

I staggered into the garden yesterday and believe it or not there are snowdrops in flower!

And the interweb thingy is still dropping in and out-I still blame the Government.

And talking of the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition

According to (I will never take a Lordship) John (I really needed a new fake beam on my house) Prescott if U-Turn Cam pops his clogs Silly Billy Hague is the most likely candidate to fill his boots.

Oh joy.....

 

Allegedly:

Son of a B.....aronet (and alien reptile in disguise) George (we are all in this together) Osborne’s family business is having a bit of a slump.

Osborne & Little, the luxury wallpaper and furnishings firm run by Sir Peter Osborne, the Chancellor's father, has posted a loss and predicted tough trading conditions ahead.

The £32.8m turnover company, which has glamorous showrooms on the Kings Road in London and in Paris, Munich and Milan, paid one director £736,000 in salary and pension contributions.

But no dividend was distributed to its shareholders, led by Sir Peter Osborne, who founded the firm with his brother-in-law Antony Little in 1968. George Osborne retains a 15pc stake via a trust.

Sir Peter, the 17th holder of a hereditary baronetcy, said the rise in raw material prices had reduced its gross margins to 53pc and that had directly led to the loss.

Osborne & Little made use of its banking facilities with HSBC, drawing more heavily on its invoice financing and its overdraft during the year. The overdraft is up for renewal in January and the directors said they were confident the bank would renew the facilities.

Oh dear what a shame....

North of the border

A runaway gritter hit black ice, skidded down a hill and crashed into the garden of an Inverness home.

Audrey Barnett, 40, was woken by a loud noise on Tuesday morning and found the vehicle embedded in the front garden of her home.

The gritter’s crew was unhurt, although a neighbour’s car was also damaged in the crash.

“I heard a loud bang, and thought, this sounds close. I looked out of the window and there was a snow plough sitting in my garden,” Mrs Barnett said. “It had bashed into my next door neighbour’s car, then through the dividing fence and completely taken out the top half of my garden.

“I could see two shocked men in the plough. They opened the doors, and the driver got out and fell on the ice before they came over.”

Having offered what help they could and given Mrs Barnett a council phone number to ring, the men then reversed the vehicle and left. Highland Council officials visited her house on Tuesday and confirmed they would rebuild the garden and foot the bill.

Ironic or what....

Still in slippery Blighty

Photography tuition company Red Cloud has launched the contest to find the country’s most inept snapper.

Entrants have included blurred faces, missed animal shots and extreme close-ups that go so far they miss the subject.

Organisers said they want to prove even the most hapless photographer can be turned into a budding pro.

‘We think everyone has the potential to take great photos with a little help and training,’ said Red Cloud founder Lee Brown.

Pictures should be submitted, with the photographer’s permission, to badpics@redclouddays.co.uk before the end of February.

Competition entries can be viewed at www.redclouddays.co.uk, where people will be able to vote for their favourite ‘worst’ image.

 

Already sent in my entry...

 

And still in non white Crimbo Blighty

Andy Simpson says his new delicacy of Brussels coated in finest Belgian chocolate are selling like hot cakes at just 25p each.

Andy, who has a store at the Elsecar Heritage Centre, near Barnsley, South Yorks, came up with the idea while on one of his regular visits to schools, where he teaches pupils about the origins of their favourite treat.

The 49-year-old said: "I am always looking for something new and with Christmas approaching Brussels sprouts immediately popped into my mind.

"I decided to try them out on customers and they are proving popular and I'm hoping to sell a lot more to people looking for something a little different to have with their Christmas dinner.

"I know Brussels sprouts are a bit like Marmite, you either love them or loathe them. I like them, they are a nice chocolatey shape but I must admit they are an acquired taste."

 Think I’ll pass on that one.

And finally:

East to the land of not a happy Crimbo

Cabin crew from a Philippine airliner who danced to fame after incorporating Lady Gaga into their safety demo have learnt a new routine set to Mariah Carey's All I Want For Christmas.

Manila-based Cebu Pacific airline gained fame by dancing through their safety routine to the backing of Lady Gaga, but this time have updated it for the festive holiday period.

The Philippine airline says the choreographed dance helps passengers pay more attention to the demonstration, which instructs passengers of how to use their seat belts and life jackets.

Candice Iyog, an airline spokesman, said: "Now that it's Christmas, we wanted to bring a little more fun into the flight."

They haven’t been watching the news have they...

 That’s it: I’m orf to count the toes on a Jumbo

And today’s thought:

Angus