Cooking up a caution: How long are your Telomeres?: Rich Rozzers: Clarkson rakes it in: Bionic chicken: Glider boat: and a rusty old bike.

Quite clement at the Castle this morn, back to fixing fuddled fumbles in the study, and his Maj has discovered the joy of blackmailing me into giving him “Dreamies” with every meal.

It seems that if you are an old fart, rich, a “personality” and in with the management

You can snaffle stuff from Tesco with impunity, and yes I am talking about double barrelled Worral Thompson who managed to steal from my favourite retailer on more than a couple of occasions.

According to The Sun, a camera had been set up after he was spotted by staff not paying for some low-value items on a total of five occasions.

He was stopped by guards leaving the store in front of shocked shoppers.

A police spokesman said: "Thames Valley Police arrested a 60-year-old man from High Wycombe following a report of shoplifting offences in Tesco, Reading Road, Henley-on-Thames.

"The man has been issued with a formal caution for these offences."

A Tesco spokesman said: "It's a matter for police."

A-w-t said “"I am not the first and I certainly won't be the last person to do something without rhyme or reason - what went through my head, only time will tell.”

 Yeah-about five times apparently.

And: 

North of the border

Scientists at Glasgow University say they have found a key genetic indicator of how long an individual will live.

They say the lengths of tiny pieces of DNA called telomeres indicate whether a young creature is likely to live long into old age.

But before you rush out to get your telomeres stretched - were such a process possible - it is worth pointing out that the creatures they have been working with are not humans but altogether shorter-lived zebra finches.

At the ends of each chromosome lie the telomeres. They have been likened to the caps on the ends of shoelaces - they stop things from unravelling.

Over time they wear down - and when they do, the DNA they protect is compromised and the cell can malfunction or die.

 

 Think my laces are broken.....

Back dahn sarf

It seems that more than half of police officers are paid £38,000 a year or above, putting them in the top 20 per cent of earners, new figures show.

And almost half of officers working for the Metropolitan Police earn more than £47,000, putting them among the top ten per cent.

 

Value for our money?

Staying on the subject of value for money

My favourite Numpty Jeremy Clarkson made £2.14million off the back of Top Gear in just 12 months thanks to a lucrative BBC deal.

The controversial presenter earned twice as much as he did the year before, setting him up as one of the BBC's most successful TV personalities.

Clarkson's earnings are the result of a complex deal with BBC Worldwide which means he benefits from the show's popularity in 198 different countries as well as the spin-off DVDs, merchandise and live shows.

Accounts show that his cut amounted to £1.79million in the year to March 2011, up from £829,000 the previous year.

The funny man - who joked last year that public sector workers should be 'executed' for going on strike - is then paid an extra £350,000 by the BBC as a performance fee, taking his total annual pay from Top Gear up to £2.14million.

Although BBC Worldwide has 50 per cent stake in the company set up to specifically manage Top Gear, Bedder 6, Clarkson and co-producer Andy Wilman split the remainder of the money made from Top Gear T-shirts, remote-controlled cars, watches, mugs, magazines as well as royalty fees 30/20.

The show's recent success is largely down to its increasing popularity in the US, where it was remade for American audiences, and Australia, which receives the original British version.

Think I am going to vomit..... 

Up a smidge to Cheshire

Animal lover Sue Murphy loves her hen Amelia so much she paid £600 getting the bird fitted with a bionic limb when it suffered a fractured thigh.

‘I’d do the same for a cat or a dog,’ said Mrs Murphy, 51. ‘Everybody thinks I’m mad but she’s our pet. She’s got such character.’

The former nurse and husband John, 54, who keep nine other ex-battery hens, dogs, cats and horses, said: ‘I eat chicken if it’s free range but I couldn’t let them put Amelia down.’

Avian expert Richard Jones spent two hours fitting a metal rod supported by external ‘scaffolding’ to the one-year-old brown hen’s thigh bone – the first time the vet had carried out the procedure on poultry.

‘It meant Amelia could move her joints freely during the healing process and within half an hour she was walking again,’ he said.

Three more operations were needed to remove the rod and pins.

Amelia is now back to her old tricks trying to escape her run and perching on the roof of her owner’s home in Plumley, Cheshire.

‘She’s such a cheeky character and fingers crossed she doesn’t get into any more trouble with her antics,’ said Mrs Murphy.

Eggceptional.....

Somewhere on the big salty thing

An Australian adventurer is attempting to break the world speed kite surfer record this year with a hybrid glider-boat which can reach speeds of more than 100km an hour.

UK-based Paul Larsen, originally from Healesville in Victoria, hopes to break the record held by a kite surfer with his Vestas Sailrocket 2 in Namibia, Africa.

"Vestas Sailrocket 2 is truly a hybrid glider-boat,'' Larsen said.

"It is currently banging its head against the conventional limits which it is designed to break through.

"We are still very much in development and still believe that we will make the breakthroughs that will yield massive performance gains.

Why??? 

And finally:

 

Over to the bright lights on the left

A rusty 106-year-old motorbike is expected to fetch £50,000 when it goes under the hammer at auction.

The 1906 Indian Camelback was one of the first two-wheeled motorised machines. The single cylinder 311cc 4-stroke petrol engine produced 2.25hp.

Only 1,698 were made that year and this example is one of few remaining and enthusiasts are particularly keen on it because of its "unrestored" state.

It was owned by the du Pont family, which bought the 'Indian Motorcycle Manufacturing Company' that built it, and this cycle was last ridden in the 1970s.

Whoever buys the machine will probably use minimum efforts to restore it to a working condition, as a complete restoration would actually see its value reduce.

The Indian cycles were the great rivals of Harley-Davidson, but the company eventually went bankrupt in 1953.

It had a rudimentary braking system and a hobnail boot on the ground would have been needed to help it stop.

The motorcycle is going under the hammer at Bonhams in Las Vegas on January 12.

Ben Walker from Bonhams said: "This motorcycle is in such demand because of its condition and to restore it would actually take value off.

"The motorcycle will probably be 'oily-ragged', which means wiping it down with oil to preserve it as it is."

 

Wouldn’t pass the MOT anyway....

That’s it: I’m orf to look for the very tasty, extinct Galapagos tortoise.

And today’s thought:

Angus

Nonagenarian knobbled by Elfandsafety: Diesel hike: Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop arrested: Engrish products: Remember summer?: and the Zambezi bungeeeeeeee.

Dryish, coldish and calmish at the Castle this morn, the contents of the study have spilled out into the spare room, his Maj has discovered the joy of smacking into the locked cat flat at full speed before I get the chance to unlock it, and the falling down and lying in vomit thing seems to be much better this Monday, no anti falling down and lying in vomit pills as yet-still standing....

Just returned from the stale bread gruel and pussy food run dahn Tesco, two quid more than last week....

Up to the bit where they used to make pots

Eric Carter, 91, was delighted to be invited to inspect a newly-revamped Spitfire in the city where he trained to fly them.

But when he asked if he could get in the cockpit, officials at the Potteries Museum and Art Gallery in Stoke-on-Trent told him it was a health and safety risk.

Stoke-on-Trent City Council said on the day of Eric's visit there was no "proper seat" in the plane, which had been recently coated with paint containing traces of radioactive radium.

He added: "For those reasons, and because of his age, the people on the day thought it best he did not sit in the plane."

 

So it’s alright to allow visitors to be exposed to radioactivity but not to let Eric sit in the bloody thing...potty Elfandsafety.

And apparently Iran has pushed up the cost of diesel

 The average price of diesel on UK forecourts hit 141p a litre over the weekend.

Experts predict that by the end of January the cost of diesel will top the 143p a litre peak it reached on May 9 last year.

This will sharply push up the cost of driving for owners of diesel cars, which account for a quarter of all cars on the road in Britain.

Iran’s threat of a blockade in the Strait of Hormuz and shutdowns at refineries contributed to a 4.5p per litre hike in the price that petrol stations pay for diesel between December 19 and January 5, according to figures from RMI Petrol.

The price of unleaded petrol could also overtake its record high of 137.4p per litre at some point this year. Unleaded petrol cost 132.3p a litre at the end of last week.

 

Sigh...if motors ran on air “they” would tax it because China pollutes so much...

  

Across to the land of the odd and the home of the over imbibing

 A Madison man is in jail after police said he violated his bail conditions from a previous run-in with the law.

Thirty-year-old Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop is tentatively charged with carrying a concealed knife, possession of drug paraphernalia, possession of marijuana and a probation violation after his arrest Thursday. He remained in jail as of Sunday. Jail records don't list a bail amount or an attorney for him.

He legally changed it to Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop in October. He was arrested in another Madison park last April after police found a loaded handgun in his backpack.

Court records show his previous name was Jeffrey Drew Wilschke

No wonder he changed it.....

 

East more than a lot

The Engrish language is thriving-sort of.

Not bad; they would probably get an A* at CGSE level....

Cast your mind back to last “summer”

Here are a few reminders.

And finally:

 

Left to the un-light continent

According to Australia's Channel 9, Erin Langworthy, fell into the Zambezi River on New Year's Eve after the rope snapped on her bungee descent.

As her friends looked on aghast, the 22-year-old managed to free her still bound legs and swim to safety through the crocodile-infested waters.

"I think it is definitively a miracle that I survived," Miss Langworthy told the television station.

The lucky survivor spent a week in hospital, but was not seriously injured in the fall, Channel 9 reported.

Bet some poo came out.....

That’s it: I’m orf to snap up a fifteen squid computer.

And today’s thought:

Angus

Olympic tosspots: Frack orf: Free Wi-Fi: A real laptop: Roadkill bill: A penny for inflation: and There’s an app for that Dave.

Cold, calm and curmudgeonly at the Castle this morn, the butler is inserting fat teenagers in to the furnace at faster than light speed, his Maj has discovered the joy of hiding things in my shoes and then watching as I hobble about, and the falling down and lying in vomit thing is still going on occasionally but at least I now have anti falling down and lying in vomit pills.

Ain’t life grand.....?

I see that the Olympic Numptys still can’t organise a long jump in a sandpit

And London 2012 has suspended the Olympic ticket resale system on the day it was launched after problems with the official website.

Earlier, Locog stopped customers from putting Olympic tickets up for resale but it was still possible for people to buy tickets.

The process was designed to allow people to try to resell their unwanted London 2012 Olympic and Paralympic tickets to others willing to buy them.

The main problem appears to be that the site, run by Ticketmaster, was slow to update sessions which had sold out.

Nah; the main problem is that the twats couldn’t find their arse in a dark room if they had a flaming giant cheese grater.

And dahn ‘ere in the sarf

The US oil firm that triggered earthquakes in the north of England last year has quietly secured permission to use its controversial “fracking” technique across the Home Counties.

Licenses at sites in Sussex, Surrey and Kent have been obtained by Cuadrilla Resources, which blasts high-pressure water, sand and chemicals into shale rock deep underground to extract natural gas.

One of Cuadrilla’s sites is near the Sussex village of Balcombe, close to the London to Brighton train line and within a mile of a reservoir serving 65,000 homes.

Nice; still it will give the “train people” another excuse-earthquake under the tracks....

Up in the Smoke

The largest free Wi-Fi zone in Europe will be launched in central London, providing internet access to millions of people, after a landmark deal between mobile operator O2 and local boroughs.

The deal between O2 and Westminster council and the Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea will allow residents and visitors to the capital to access free Wi-Fi on a host of mobile devices.

A statement from O2 said the deal, which would come at no cost to the taxpayer, was particularly important given the number of people expected to visit London during the summer for the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee and the Olympic Games.

The free Wi-Fi access will be made available ‘once the Metro wireless network is installed on the street furniture’, the statement declared - adding work would begin this month.

Just the “posh” bits then....

And east more than a couple of keyboards

Allegedly the latest thing is a wearable computer designed and made by a sci-tech company in Yunnan which includes an eyeglasses-shaped mainframe, a mouse and a folding keyboard.

The computer, the first of its kind in China, will be mass-produced and sold in March.

Can’t wait...

Over the big wet salty thing on the left

Anyone with an Illinois furbearer license will be able to salvage pelts or even food from the unfortunate fauna that prove no match for steel-belted radials.

At least 14 states have laws related to Roadkill, including those that let motorists' keep animals they hit, though some pertain only to deer or bears, according to an informal survey for The Associated Press by the National Conference of State Legislatures.

Since Illinois' law took effect in October, Champ, a 26-year-old who lives in Dix, about 80 miles east of St. Louis, has skinned a mink and three raccoons he found dead while driving for his job with an electrical supply company.

He hasn't sold them yet, but pelts from certain wild animals are fetching the highest prices in years, due to a strong demand in Russia, China and other countries where they are valued more for their warmth than as a fashion statement. A raccoon skin routinely gets about $9, red fox $14 and muskrat $6.50, with top dollar often twice that amount. In Illinois, furs — mostly raccoon and muskrat — brought in $1.2 million in 2010, up 95 percent from the previous year.

The state has offered some safety tips for those taking advantage of the law, including urging salvagers to wear gloves at all times and don protective glasses to avoid fluids splashing into eyes. Immediately washing hands and any fluid-stained clothing

Game meat must be cooked to an internal temperature of 160 degrees to kill any bacteria.


Think I’ll miss out on that one, anyway it wouldn’t work in Blighty, there is no market for cat and dog pelts.....or is there?

Staying in the land of the decimal coinage and the home of inflation

A once-cent copper coin from the earliest days of the U.S. Mint in 1793 has sold for a record $1.38 million at a Florida auction.

The news release said the coin is known as a "Chain Cent" because its chain of linking rings was supposed to represent the solidarity of the states. The design was changed to a wreath after some critics claimed it was symbolic of slavery.

Halperin said the auction had more than $64 million in transactions. The show runs through Sunday.

Penny for your thoughts....

And finally: 

Back in bemused Blighty

The Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition reckons that experts are considering developing a bespoke iPad app that would deliver key data straight to Prime Monster U-Turn Cam’s tablet computer.

Officials said Wednesday that the idea is being discussed, though Dave’s Downing Street office declined to comment on the details.

The Times reported the app could include statistics and information from government departments, real time news and Twitter updates.

Dick head Dave has previously discussed his affection for his iPad, but acknowledged he needed “a little bit of help from someone in IT” to set up the gadget.

No surprises there then....

That’s it: I’m orf to find out whether the fish is an octopus - or vice versa 

And today’s thought:

Angus 

Travelling treat: Strait Britannia: Potty old farts: Pregnant perv: Fat compo: and the Plop up restaurant.

Warmish, calmish and darkish at the Castle this morn, the furnace is nicely stocked with fat teenagers, the study is nicely stocked with duff differential do-dahs, and his Maj has discovered the joy of sitting on the bird nesting box-just in case, still it keeps him orf the streets.

The falling down and lying in vomit thing is much better this day, that’ll teach you.

Remember Dale Farm?

Well the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition has come up with a way to spend £47 million of our squids to “prevent” the problem occurring again.

Moves to create some 800 permanent sites across England for Traveller families will be announced today in an effort to defuse community tensions with settled residents.

Under the £47m initiative, new locations will be found from Cornwall to Co Durham for Travellers, preventing them from having to put their caravans on unauthorised land.

There are believed to be nearly 19,000 Traveller caravans in England, about 20 per cent of them on unauthorised sites. The award of cash to local authorities and housing associations is combined with stronger powers for councils to remove illegal sites and to stop people applying retrospectively for planning permission.

The money will be used to provide 884 pitches, of which 617 will be new and 167 will be refurbished. A further £13m is being set aside to develop further pitches. Ministers say that with previous planning laws Whitehall told councils how many sites to allocate to Travellers – a top-down approach that forced some councils to encroach on the Green Belt.

Andrew Stunell, the Communities minister, told The Independent: "If there are enough authorised and approved sites for the Traveller population, there is no need for an unauthorised or illegal settlement."

Yeah right... 

And:

Philip Hammond, the defence secretary

Told delegates in Washington DC yesterday that Britain will not tolerate an enforced closure of the 34-mile Strait of Hormuz, where 20 per cent of the world's oil passes through.

Tehran threatened to cut off the waterway this month in response to US and EU sanctions against the regime's suspected nuclear weapons programme.

Mr Hammond warned Iran of Britain's "determination" to keep the Strait open in a speech at the Atlantic Council.

Ooh scary.....

And apparently:

A “new” study

Has found that past or present drug use doesn't seem to damage middle-aged brains, British researchers studied the mental sharpness of thousands of 50-year-old subjects, and found that those who had used illicit drugs—mainly marijuana—actually performed better than others on tests of memory and other brain functions, Reuters reports. Around a quarter of test subjects said they had taken drugs at some point in their lives; 6% were still using drugs in their '40s.

The middle-aged tokers may have scored higher than others because the drug users tended to have a higher education level than non-users, the researchers say. "The results seem to suggest that past or even current illicit drug use is not necessarily associated with impaired cognitive functioning in early middle age," the lead researcher says. "However, our results do not exclude possible harmful effects in some individuals who may be heavily exposed to drugs over longer periods of time."

Smokin.....it’s done me no harm-and I never even inhaled.....

Over in O......klahoma

Police in Oklahoma City say a man was jailed for exposing himself to an employee at a maternity store where he was trying on clothing.

Authorities say 48-year-old Jeffrey Don Watson of Norman was booked Wednesday on a complaint of indecent exposure and was freed on $2,000 bail.

Police records allege Watson was trying on bras and dresses at the store at the Penn Square Mall on Dec. 27 when he asked the store's female manager for assistance in the dressing room.

The Oklahoman reports the manager told police that when she entered the dressing room Watson exposed himself to her.

Police say Watson has been arrested several times before on lewdness complaints.

www.confused.numpty

And still in the land of slightly overweight and the home of the law suit

A morbidly obese man who fell through his lounge room floor sued the Department of Housing and claimed discrimination on the grounds the property was unable to support his 250kg frame.

Wayne Douglas told the Human Rights Commission that the department, which had allocated him a four-bedroom home in Macquarie Fields, had failed to provide him with a home suitable for his weight.

The commission terminated the case, so Mr Douglas went to the Federal Magistrates Court which heard evidence that the assigned home had termite damage and, when a carer moved some furniture so Mr Douglas could sweep the floor, he fell through to the ground below in November 2006.

Mr Douglas did not pay rent to live in the home - which the department had considered suitable due to it having a large shower recess - for almost six months.

Last night Mr Douglas said he suffered severe leg injuries in the incident, which led to blood clots, and he was still suffering as a result of the fall.

The court found Mr Douglas was free to refuse the property and apply for alternative residential tenancies.

It also found Mr Douglas had imposed conditions on where he lived, having asked the department to find him a home in the Macquarie Fields area. His case was dismissed and costs would be considered, court documents showed.

"They gave me a house that was termite-ridden, I went through the floor," Mr Douglas said.

"You might remember me, I was on Today Tonight they said I was too fat to be a dad.

"I am still in the house, it is still shit."

Wanker....

And finally:

East is east

A new eatery called 'The S***house' dishes up its oriental delicacies served in replica toilets and bedpans.

The critics might pan it, but one restaurant in the Chinese capital Beijing has got food fans going potty for it.

The plop-up restaurant has queues around the block as punters prove that it's more than just a flush in the pan.

Co-owner Feng Lu said: 'We had the idea when we were discussing one of the worst restaurants we'd ever eaten in and one of us said it had been a real toilet. So we decided to see if we could make a restaurant that was just one big toilet.

"We can't quite believe how successful it's been. Now we're talking about opening a chain," added Feng.

Shouldn’t that be “pulling a chain”?


That’s it: I’m orf to try some herbal baccy

And today’s thought man:

Angus

Rickets return: Coalition con: Finally!: Nuclear cabin: Hover car: Arse art: and Video vandal.

Gale has finally buggered orf and Dawn’s crack is visible at the Castle this morn, I spent most of the day in the pit yester after morn after an attack of the falling dahn  and lying in vomit, ran out of falling dahn and lying in vomit pills; managed to make an appointment with the Doc, got some more tablets and went to the nearest “chemist”, there were six people working on prescriptions and only myself and another old fart were waiting-it took them 35 minutes to supply the necessary while we old farts had to stand around waiting (in my case jammed up against a corner to stop myself falling over)-no chairs to sit on, no wonder ballsed up Blighty is in such a state.

And I see that the 1950s are returning

According to the Flailing Sail the number of British children suffering from rickets has increased fivefold since 1997.

More than 760 were admitted to hospital last year with the condition, caused by a shortage of Vitamin D – the vital chemical which is boosted by sunlight.

Better nutrition had all but wiped out rickets, which was common in 19th century Britain, but rates have started to rise in the last decade. It is still a major problem in the third world.

Some experts blame its return on parents’ increasing fear of skin cancer, which encourages them to smother their children in sun cream and keep them out of the sun.

Apparently children are eating smaller amounts of fish and eggs than in the past, so they get less Vitamin D in their food.

And more children are now overweight and that can reduce their ability to absorb Vitamin D.

Oh joy; do we look forward to the return of polio and smog in the “future” as well....

Experts have worked out

That raising the speed limit from seventy to eighty is a Piss Poor Policies Millionaires club Coalition con.

Proposals to increase the maximum speed limit will cost lives, harm the environment and produce few of the economic benefits claimed by the Government, a report warns.

Public health experts, writing in the British Medical Journal, are "amazed" by the idea, which they insist contradicts international road safety evidence. Comparable speed increases introduced in the US in 1995 led to a 16.6 per cent rise in deaths in road accidents.

Martin McKee, professor of European public health at the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, said there was little evidence to support claims of economic benefits as heavy goods vehicles would still be capped at 60mph. "If the limit moves to 80, most people will drive at 90," he added.

The authors of the report suggested the proposal was nothing more than a "populist gimmick" and wrote: "It is difficult to see how any benefits of an 80mph speed limit would outweigh the costs. Past evidence shows that speed limit increases lead to substantial rises in road deaths, as well as other potential negative health and economic impacts."

Nah-it’s not a “populist gimmick”, as I said a while ago it is a cunning plan to rake in more tax from go juice because fuel consumption increases by 20 percent at the higher speed.

U-Turn Cam

Has finally made a decentish decision, he has a “new” idea for the NHS; Nurses will be told to undertake hourly hospital ward rounds under new plans to be unveiled by the Prime Monster.

The proposals will also see members of the public leading inspections of hospitals, to provide an independent assessment of cleanliness and treatment of patients.

Dave is pledging to strip away "stifling bureaucracy" and allow nurses to focus on what they do best, adding that the whole approach to caring in this country needs to be reset.

He also emphasised the need for leadership on wards, saying people wanted to see a figure of authority, whether they were called matron, ward sister or team leader.

In October, the CQC found a fifth of NHS hospitals are breaking the law on care of the elderly.

Its study also found half of hospitals are failing to provide all-round good nutrition to elderly patients while 40% do not offer dignified care.

Of 100 hospitals investigated in England, 49 were found to generate minor, moderate or major concerns about nutritional standards for elderly people.

U-Turn said most patients were happy with NHS care but there was a "real problem" in some hospitals with people not getting food and drink or being treated with respect.

Great idea-few snags-not enough nurses to carry out the “old/new” orders, even less nurses as the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition “austerity” plans bite, and nurse aren’t the real reason for the lack of care; the responsibility rests with the senior management and consultants who only seem to care more about how much money they can take out of the “old lady” than treating patients.

Over to the Big Apple-ish

The upstate New York property, listed by Sotheby's for $1.76 million, looks like a typical weekend chalet in the forested Adirondack Mountains.

At least, that's what's above ground. But punch in a keypad code to open the door, head down some steep stairs and you enter another world.

First comes the old underground missile control centre, refitted as luxury housing. From there, you enter a tunnel, passing several massive blast doors, into the now empty silo descending seven floors down.

Bet that’s a sod to heat....

And yet another “new/old” invention

It can handle road, sand, ice and even water - and won't make a mark on the environment.

Chinese designer Yuhan Zhang, aged just 21, created the spectacular car - called the Volkswagen Aqua - for a competition sponsored by the German car manufacturer.

It features a shiny, sleek design with four fans and integrated airbags that inflate to make the vehicle hover.

It's also totally environmentally friendly - its two motors are powered by a hydrogen fuel cell which boasts zero carbon emissions.

One of the motors inflates a "skirt" around the vehicle to lift it off the ground, while the other drives it forward and controls the vehicle's direction.

Mr Zhang said: "There is no better form of transport than an air cushion vehicle because it travels equally well over land, ice and water.

"I hope Aqua will one day become an affordable supercar that is widely available to the general public."

The all-terrain vehicle, which has a top speed of 100km/h and works like a hovercraft, can move seamlessly between different surfaces.

Err no; it doesn’t work like a hovercraft; it is a hovercraft, which was invented by Brit Chris Cockerell back in 1956.

And we all know how difficult it is to control these vehicles when there is more than a whimsy of cross winds...

Back to the land of the protest and the home of art critics

A woman dropped her pants at a museum and rubbed her rear end all over a painting valued at $30 million, according to police.

Carmen Tisch, 36, was arrested after scratching, punching and rubbing her arse against Clyfford Still's "1957-J no.2" causing an estimated $10,000 damage to the artwork at the Clyfford Still Museum in Denver. Police believe she was drunk during the late December incident.

Tisch was charged with felony criminal mischief on Wednesday and has been held on a $20,000 bond since the incident in late December, said Lynn Kimbrough, spokeswoman for the Denver District Attorney's Office.

The oil-on-canvas abstract expressionist painting was spared additional damage when the woman tried to urinate on it but apparently missed.

That’s a bit of luck......

And finally:

Back in ‘Ampshire

Families in Kingsclere on the Hampshire-Berkshire border spent much of the festive season without heating after the failure of household systems which rely on digital technology.

One family, the Smiths were baffled when their heating, shower, doorbell and even their car’s remote-control door locks refused to work.

They then discovered similar problems were being experienced by their neighbours.

Chris Smith, whose wife’s birthday on Christmas Eve was ruined by the systems failure, spent more than £250 trying to fix the heating and shower but neither worked until late on Dec 27.

A spokesman for Ofcom, which oversees radio communications, said: “Often these problems can be caused by a video sender that transmits a television signal to other sets in the house. They are not the source of all the problems but in a lot of cases interference is tracked down to those devices.”

Video nasty?

That’s it: I’m orf to check the moat.

And today’s thought:

Angus

Synchronised cock up: Scrapped for cash: 'diamagnetic levitation': DIY art: Time cloak: and Snow monsters.

Gale is once again howling at the Castle this morn, the study is overweight with wonky what knots and his Maj has discovered the joy of changing the channel on the TV.

The Olympic Knobheads have done it again

Thousands of people who bought tickets to see synchronised swimming at London 2012 have been asked to return them, after the organisers discovered that they had sold 10,000 too many.

The problem arose after the first round of ticket sales last spring.

Synchronised swimming was an event which was not initially oversubscribed.

When sessions for the sport were put back up for sale, a human data error meant thousands of extra tickets, which did not exist, were made available.

About 3,000 customers who bought the 10,000 tickets in the second round of sales have been contacted by Games organisers Locog.

They have been offered the chance to exchange their tickets for other events for which they also applied, and were originally unsuccessful.

Is it really that difficult to do it properly?

 

Dahn at the second hand metal yard

Britain's £5bn-a-year scrap industry is facing tougher regulation as part of a government crackdown on metal theft.

People selling scrap could be required to register and face identity checks.

And cash payments could be banned, to make metal transactions easier to trace, Home Office minister, Lord Henley told the BBC.

Tougher regulation would be welcome according to an industry spokesman, but a cash ban could be counter-productive, he warned - encouraging illegal trades.

Hospitals, the rail network, utility companies, churches and war memorials have all been targeted in recent years by thieves attracted by the rising prices of non-ferrous metals such as copper.

Copper load of that?

Up North a bit

Scientists at the University of Nottingham have used Harry Potter-style powers to suspend fruit flies in mid air.

The technique they used, known as 'diamagnetic levitation', uses a strong magnetic field to allow the insects to become weightless and appear to walk on air.

Author of the research, Dr Richard Hill, and his colleagues, wrote: 'This study shows that the walking speed of fruit flies and their "activity" is altered significantly by counteracting gravitational force.'

He explained that the experiment shows that diamagnetic levitation can be used to investigate the influence of changing gravity of multi-cellular organisms.

Magnetic fields have been previously been used in a range of experiments to levitate organic materials, as well as small living organisms, including a frog, grasshoppers and fish.

Peter Main, a professor at the Institute of Physics who worked on earlier studies in the field, told Discovery News that it would be possible to levitate a human if there was a magnet big enough.

 Yet another load of old bollocks from the University of the bleedin useless.

Right a few imperial units

Art student Andrzej Sobiepan didn't want to wait decades for his work to appear in museums. So he took matters in his own hands, covertly hanging one of his paintings in a major Polish gallery.

On Dec. 10, Sobiepan put it up in a room with contemporary Polish art when a guard at the museum was looking the other way. Museum officials didn't notice the new painting for three days.

By Wednesday, the young artist was getting plenty of attention after a nationwide TV channel reported on his stunt at the National Museum in the south-western city of Wroclaw. He told reporters he hoped galleries would give more exhibition space to young artists as a result.

"I decided that I will not wait 30 or 40 years for my works to appear at a place like this," Sobiepan told TVN24. "I want to benefit from them in the here and now."

I don’t know young people today-want, want, want....

And over the salty thing on the left to another “breakthrough”

Scientists have made an entire event impossible to see. They have invented a time masker.

Their time cloak lasted an incredibly tiny fraction of a fraction of a second. They hid an event for 40 trillionths of a second, according to a study appearing in Thursday's edition of the journal Nature.

They tinkered with the speed of beams of light in a way that would make it appear to surveillance cameras or laser security beams that an event, such as an art heist, isn't happening.

I can do it several times a minute-it’s called blinking…

And finally:

East to the land of raw fish

Some snow monsters.

That’s it: I’m orf to flog an old laptop.

And today’s thought:

Angus