Silly Billy does a U-Turn: Piss Poor lies: No long-er a Ferrari: Sex meters: and Rubbish flats.

Moist, muggy and mild at the Castle this morn, there is more than a smidge of fast moving atmosphere and the coronal mass ejection is affecting my communication devices.

Up in the sinking House of Commons

Silly (but not gay) Billy Hague was forced to play down the prospect of war with Iran today, after an urgent question in the Commons raised concerns about military action.

The alien secretary said: "This is not a set of actions designed to lead to any conflict but to lead us away from conflict.”

"There are many grounds for quarrel with Iran but we're not planning military action."

Silly (but not gay) Billy added: "Any attempt by Iran to block the strait would be both illegal and unsuccessful."

Right up his own rear exit....but not gay...

And allegedly the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition

Has been telling us non truths about WBankers bonuses, claims by U-Turn Cam and what’s his name that they are unable to influence the level of bonuses paid out by the Royal Bank of Scotland to its chief executive are misleading, documents provided to The Independent reveal.

RBS's board is due to meet today to discuss bonus payments for Stephen Hester and other senior employees. The meeting comes after the Eton shirt lifters suggested that the Government's ability to limit the payments at RBS – which is 83 per cent, owned by the taxpayer – was "constrained" as a result of "contractual arrangements" with Mr Hester by the last Labour government.

But it turns out that a copy of Mr Hester's personal contract with RBS, updated in 2009 and seen by The Independent, reveals he has no contractual right to a bonus – and the Government could use its position as the bank's largest shareholder to veto any remuneration it thought was excessive.

 

The Prime Monster and his fag lying to us...well, would you believe it...

Somewhere over the Limo

The world's fastest limousine – a modified Ferrari that can go up to 170 mph – may no longer be able to use the famous Italian name after the supercar manufacturer threatened legal action.

The owner of the vehicle Dan Cawley has been ordered to remove everything from the car that associates it with Ferrari as company lawyers claim he has infringed their trademark.

They argue that because he modified the 360 Modena when he cut it in half and stretched it with a 9.5ft section of hand-built carbon fibre, it is technically no longer a Ferrari.

But Mr Cawley said before he converted the 400bhp beast he specifically asked the car manufacturer whether he could go ahead and they agreed he could.

The new car is now 20ft long and seats eight people. It maintains a fast speed because it weighs just 160kg more than the original 1,390kg vehicle.

When it was built the modified 360 set the record for fastest limousine and longest Ferrari.

Mr Cawley built the car along with former McLaren carbon fibre expert Chris Wright for a total cost of around £200,000.

Stretching the truth?

Right a bit to the land of Vorsprung Durch Technik

A German city that introduced a surcharge on street prostitutes via kerb-side meters said Monday the programme had been a success and would continue.

The Bonn government said a "sex tax" covering levies on sauna clubs, "erotic centres" and automated pay stations similar to parking meters that were rolled out in August had brought in around 250,000 Euros ($326,000) last year.

"We are satisfied with that and plan to continue levying the tax," a city spokeswoman told AFP.

Bonn authorities said in a statement they had hoped to bring in 300,000 Euros in 2011 from the "sex tax" but had later lowered its projected revenue to 200,000 Euros based on the amount taken in early in the year.

About 14,000 Euros came from the sex meters, it added.

The former West German capital became the first city in Germany to introduce the meters for sex workers as a means of extending a general tax on prostitution beyond brothels to the streets of Bonn.

The meters were installed in an industrial area near the centre of town used by prostitutes to solicit clients, with each sex worker paying six Euros per night worked, regardless of how many customers they have.

Bonn voyage on the cards.

And finally:

Up North-ish

The view from these homes in Brierley Hill, West Midlands, really is rubbish -- because a refuse dump has been allowed to accumulate so much it is now piled higher than the flats around it.

The tip, has now reached a point that it towers over neighbouring four-storey buildings and can be seen from a mile away.

Standing at more than 30ft tall the rubbish heap is made up of household rubbish, rubble and industrial refuse and residents claim it's a health hazard.

They also say rats have been spotted running around the rubbish and that clouds of black dust coat their windows.

The company responsible for the dump, Refuse Derived Fuels Ltd, has now been told it has until 28 February to reduce the stack of refuse.

The Environment Agency was called in to help with the problem last summer and has repeatedly ordered the company to reduce the size of the pile.

David Hudson, environment manager with the agency, said: "Compliance has been very poor to date, very disappointing.

Rubbish flats, rubbish company and rubbish agency...

That’s it: I’m orf to forget about data.

And today’s thought:

Angus

Victory Mk1: No Swiss go juice: Calamita Cosmica: Onion committees: Aurora Blightyalis: and the Kuching cat museum.

Damp, drear and dodgy at the Castle this morn, I vandalised the mock orange with my new axe to try and separate it into smaller pieces so that I could move it-total failure-over to plan C.

Washed the Honda yestermorn-hence the weather today

And his Maj has discovered the joy of...........the magic red dot.

Orf the islands in the channel

There is a cunning plan in progress to raise the remains of the first HMS Victory nearly 300 years after it sank.

The vessel, predecessor of Nelson's famous flagship, went down in a storm off the Channel Islands in 1744, taking more than 1,000 soldiers to their deaths.

Along with a bronze cannon collection, some believe the ship was carrying a large quantity of gold coins from Lisbon to Britain, which would now be worth a reported £500 million.

And that’s the “cunning” part of it.

Dahn ‘ere in the sarf

One of the main oil refineries to London and the South East has been closed by its Swiss owner, raising the prospect of fuel shortages on the capital's forecourts.

Fuel sales from the Coryton refinery in Essex were stopped on Monday with "immediate effect" by Petroplus as the company's shares were suspended from trading on the Swiss market because of a dispute with creditors.

Coryton is a leading supplier of fuel to London and the South East, processing 220,000 barrels of crude a day and the indefinite closure of the refinery threatens major disruption to the region's petrol stations.

It matters not; most of us in the “prosperous” part of bollixed up Blighty can’t afford go juice anymore...

Over to the place where the demented El Papa resides

There lies Calamita Cosmica’ (Cosmic Magnet in English) a 28 meter long sculpture of a human skeleton created by Italian artist Gino De Dominicis and is on display at the Museo Nazionale della Arti del XXI Secolo – MAXXI museum of contemporary art in Rome, Italy. Except for the strange long nose, is a perfect scaled model of the human skeleton.

It toured Europe for a number of years visiting places such as Versailles, Naples, and Milan. The Giant was first unveiled in 1990 at Centre National d’Art Contemporain in Grenoble, France.

In 1996 it moved to the courtyard of the Palace of Capodimonte, Naples. In 2005 it was at display at Mole Vanvitelliana, Ancona, Italy - the home town of the artist. In early 2007 it moved to Palazzo Reale at Milan and after few months it landed in Versailles at 'Parterre d'Eau', in front of the facade of the Versailles Chateau.

In 2008 it was at display at Musée des Arts Contemporains, Hornu, Belgium. After the display in Belgium it was moved to Rome, where it currently resides.

Dem bones.....

According to the Flailing Sail

Interacting within a group – such as taking part in jury deliberations or mingling at a cocktail party - can lower your intelligence, with women being particularly susceptible, according to researchers.

Scientists at Virginia Tech Carilion Research Institute used magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) to investigate how the brain processes information about social status in small groups and how perceptions of that status affect expressions of cognitive capacity.

In other words, whether ‘feeling’ less intelligent than others can affect your decision-making.

When volunteers in a group were told how the others performed, it lowered their problem-solving abilities.

When placed in small groups and ranking their performance on cognitive tasks against their peers, and broadcasting those rankings to them, there were dramatic drops in the ability of some study subjects to solve problems. The social feedback had a significant effect.’

So committee meetings do make you dim-which explains the Piss Poor Policies coming out of the sinking palace of Westminster.

North of the border

Much of Scotland got a view of the Northern Lights on Sunday night, with green and purple colours visible across the sky.

The Northern Lights, known properly as the Aurora Borealis, are caused by charged particles colliding with the earth's upper atmosphere. These particles cause a change in atoms of the upper atmosphere which release light as they return to their normal state.

The aurora can take a variety of colours, depending on which atoms are involved, although green is the colour most commonly seen as this is associated with oxygen atoms.

The northern lights are normally only visible further north as the particles are attracted to the magnetic pole.

However, on Sunday the phenomenon was visible across much of Scotland on account of a solar flare which resulted in a far greater amount of the particles hitting the earth.

What a load of Borealis...

And finally:

A snatch of Pussy

East lots and lots of leagues there lay the Kuching Cat Museum which houses 2,000 different artefacts, ranging from a mummified Egyptian cat to strange cat headstones.

For centuries, Southeast Asia has had a history with cats, documented in great detail at the Cat Museum. Interestingly enough, Kuching actually means cat, making the location of the museum all the more apt. Besides stuffed cats, porcelain cats and gigantic fang doorways, the museum also recounts bizarre superstitions around the animal, like nearly drowning a cat in order to bring rain.

They also have the only stuffed specimen of Felis Badia, the rarest cat in the world.

Which has made it even rarer...

That’s it: I’m orf to freeze some Neutrons

And today’s thought:

Angus

Whining, dining MPs: Customised Tesco’s: Human wrongs-again: Wonder Vag and the Sperminator: and Because it’s there.

Cold, calm and clear at the Castle this morn, his Maj hasn’t discovered the joy of anything-thank him/her upstairs and I’m orf to Tesco on the stale bread, gruel and pussy food run in a mo.

Up to the bit attached to the leaning tower of Ben

MPs and their aides dining in the House of Commons restaurants have complained their soup bowls are too small, their beer is too expensive and their chips are not arranged in a ‘tower’ formation – despite receiving £5.8m a year in food subsidies from the taxpayer.

Their eggs are too watery, they receive change in coppers rather than five pence pieces, and the crisp packets from the vending machine are ten grams too light.

One customer said canteen staff made them feel “like a second class citizen” when they complained that breakfast had run out at half past ten in the morning, according to a log of complaints made to the House of Commons catering service.

One guest in the Members’ and Strangers’ dining rooms wrote: “’The bucket’ of chips, while attractive to some and no doubt trendy, makes for soggy chips. The tower arrangement is better.”

Another said their dinner in the wood-panelled restaurant with views of the Thames was a “dismal experience.”

A dish of kedgeree left one member feeling swindled. “The boiled egg had been cut into THREE quarters – no sign of the fourth.... Petty and insulting way to save a buck.”

The Commons catering budget received a taxpayer subsidy of £5.8m last year, an increase of £87,000, and the equivalent of a top-up of £7.60 for every £10 spent by an MP on lunch or drinks.

In the Members’ dining room MPs can enjoy Pan-fried red mullet with carrot purée and a soft boiled quail’s egg for £4.15 or Artichoke and tomato salad with truffle dressing for £2.05.

But drinks prices have risen after the Commons Commission ruled Parliament’s unlicensed bars should raise their prices to match high street pubs, prompting a boycott from patrons. A pint of bitter now costs £2.60 and a glass of Merlot is £2.35.

 The Commons authorities promised a “full investigation”.

Fuck off.....

And all across the land

My favourite retailer is expected to give its stores an overhaul to reflect the location and income of families who shop there, it was reported.

It will target more of its value ranges in poorer areas to keep customers from switching to budget stores Aldi and Lidl, while its premium lines will be promoted to stop those in wealthier parts from being tempted by Waitrose and Marks and Spencer.

The changes were revealed by Tesco suppliers in trade magazine The Grocer.

It said: "Tesco is set to launch a wave of price promotions and range reviews based on the affluence of areas they live in.

"Tesco has begun talks with suppliers aimed at launching price promotions in less well-off areas where it is facing competition from the likes of Aldi and Lidl."

Hope the Castle is in a cheap area...

An arse of a law

Taoufik Didi a foreign drug-dealing bigamist has won the right to stay in Britain because of his human right to "family life".

He had been sentenced to three years in prison for selling cocaine to undercover police officers, and so exceeded the criteria for "automatic deportation" under the law.

However, the Moroccan launched a human rights appeal, telling immigration judges he had been in a loving relationship with a British woman, Marina Gregory, for 10 years. He now intended to wed her and start a family.

The judges believed the 47-year-old criminal and, to the disappointment of Home Office officials, granted his appeal under the Human Rights Act – ruling that his "right to private and family life" entitled him to stay on in Britain.

Despite two surprising admissions made by Didi in court, he told them he already had a wife, who he had married in 1989, and was awaiting a divorce which would free him to remarry.

And he "married" Miss Gregory three years ago in an open-air ceremony in Cyprus, while legally wed to his first wife.

A Home Office spokesman said: "We will consider any new evidence of abuse and where we can prove an individual has obtained leave to remain in the UK fraudulently we will seek to revoke it and remove them from the country."

Yeah right, and then the “judges” will overturn it because he has a cat.

Still in Blighty

London health officials are launching a sequel to their controversial online sex-ed game for young people that features such characters as Wonder Vag and the Sperminator.

In the sequel, the virgin with the Barbie-doll figure will be caged and the Sperminator will have lost his penis-arms and become a force for good.

The original Adventures in Sex City, an online game from the Middlesex-London Health Unit, were banned by officials with the London District Catholic school board because it ran afoul of the school's official stance on abstinence.

In the original version, the infected Sperminator fired sperm from penis-shaped arms at characters such as virginal Wonder Vag, who when struck might say, "Aggg! Right in the face."

While the original will be kept available at Getitonlondon.ca, a second version will officially launch Feb. 14 during Sexual Awareness Week.

Whatever happened to the Beano?

And finally:

Looking up

Apparently Daredevil climbers are shunning mountains to scale cable cars, lifts and furnaces.

Mr Lama swapped craggy mountainsides for a blast furnace in industrial Duisburg, Germany.

According to free-climber David Lama, 20 ‘Whether you’re in a city, the countryside, on rocks or metal, what matters is the result.’

Unless you fall orf.....

That’s it: I’m orf to find a black whitebird

And today’s thought:

Angus

NHS backlash: Scratch that itch: Digital curriculum: Royal fancy dress: Canadian stress balls: Snap a snap: and the Amazon walkway.

A touch of frost, more than a whimsy of wind and a smidge of cloud at the Castle this morn, the stock of fat teenagers for the furnace is running low and I am still catching up on sleep.

The Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition’s “reform” of our NHS

Is still under attack; this time by “an influential group of MPs”; their main concern seems to be that the plan to restructure the NHS in England and devolve more power to GPs was making it more difficult to achieve the target of £20bn efficiency savings by 2014-15.

And that it more often creates disruption and distraction that hinders the ability of organisations to consider truly effective ways of reforming service delivery and releasing savings."

Not a mention of patients....

But pop over to Jobbing Doctor’s blog it seems that the sleeping GPs have finally received the kiss of the Prince and are realising just what a balls up this is making of the dear old lady, have a read it will make you think...

Staying on the health-ish thing

Scientists have found that the ankle is the most satisfying spot to scratch, according to a research team who claim they are the first to compare the sensation of scratching on different areas of skin.

In the study, reported in the British Journal of Dermatology, healthy male and female volunteers aged 22 to 59 were made to itch by rubbing them with cowhage, a plant with tiny hairs that irritate the skin.

The itches were induced on three parts of the body – forearm, ankle and back. For five minutes participants were banned from scratching, while being asked to record how itchy they felt at each spot.

Then the researchers scratched each location themselves with a laboratory brush, to ensure a consistent technique. The volunteers were asked how pleasurable the sensation was.

Results showed that the itch was felt most intensely at the ankle, and that was also the spot where the pleasure of scratching was felt most keenly and persisted longest.

  

They obviously haven’t discovered the ring around Uranus....

 

East to the bit below Kim Jong more than IL’s place

South Korea, one of the world's highest-rated education systems, aims to consolidate its position by digitising its entire curriculum.

By 2015, it wants to be able to deliver all its curriculum materials in a digital form through computers. The information that would once have been in paper textbooks will be delivered on screen.

South Korea's Minister of Education, Science and Technology, Ju-Ho Lee, said that his department was preparing a promotion strategy for "Smart Education", focusing on customised learning and teaching.

The project, launched during the summer, will involve wireless networks in all schools to allow students to learn "whenever and wherever", as well as an education information system that can run in a variety of devices including PCs, laptops, tablets and internet-connected TVs.

 

It would never work in Blighty, especially with BTs damp damaged network....

And Kate Middleton’s mummy and daddy

Have launched a range of outfits for "adult occasions" on their party goods website according to a British tabloid.

The Party Pieces firm, owned by the Duchess of Cambridge's parents Michael and Carole Middleton, offers a mini-skirted French maid outfit and a female pirate fancy dress costume under a section entitled adult occasions.

The site (www.partypieces.co.uk) shows pictures of the pirate outfit with stockings and a slit skirt and also advertises a short spotted "ladybug" dress and Superman outfit.

There is also a blow-up Sumo outfit described as "the funniest fancy dress costume you can find," the Flailing Sail reported.

Is that Pippa modelling the pirate outfit?

Over to the left and up a fair way

Canada's military -- facing belt-tightening, a spy scandal and having recently completed a nine-year combat mission in Afghanistan -- on Friday ordered 20,000 stress balls.

It says it needs the malleable, hand-squeezable toys designed to relieve stress by the end of March, before the start of a new fiscal year, according to a website that advertises government contracts.

Little other information about the stress ball order was provided, except that the rubber balls must be "orange."

Won’t that clash with the uniforms....?

Across to Pussy land and down a few fathoms

Russell Easton was snapping a Tiger shark in the Bahamas when it took a snap at him. “I was looking through the viewfinder of the camera when I suddenly saw this huge mouth and teeth,” said the 42-year-old conservationist.

“Sharks bite because that is how they find out what something is.

“It had its mouth wide open and was about to bite me, but bit the camera ­instead. That gave me a few vital seconds to swim away.”

Despite his lucky escape Russell, from ­Newcastle upon Tyne, is aiming to return to Cat Island to photograph more sharks



I do like an optimist...

And finally:

Left a bit and down a smidge

There are plans afoot to build a science centre and six-mile (9.6km) walkway through the rainforest in the heart of the Amazon, with the British organisers hopeful that "Avatar" director James Cameron will come on board the eco-project.

The $10 million site will serve as a meeting point for scientists from the Royal Botanic Gardens and universities, as well as a tourist attraction, The (London) Sunday Times reported.

It will also provide jobs for local Brazilian tribes who will take an estimated two years to construct the centre and walkway in Roraima, an isolated province in northeast Brazil.

"This will be the first scientific research centre to be built in the jungle proper," Robert Pasley-Tyler, from the Amazon Charitable Trust, which is backing the scheme, said.

The site will be designed by Marks Barfield Architects, the firm behind the London Eye and the treetops walkway in the UK's Royal Botanic Gardens.

Very bleedin eco-carving a six mile “road” through the forest...

 

That’s it: I’m orf to check out climate change hedgehogs.

And today’s thought:

Angus

Up your insurance: Pickles poleaxes Pinewood: Boney land: Bull surfing: A bird in the Bombardier: The World’s worst Tat “artist”?: and a Cupid Stunt.

Gale is hanging around at the Castle this morn, and I daren’t even think where Dawn’s crack is, his Maj has discovered the joy of consuming odd things in the garden and then puking on my lap to show me what he ate.

And I managed to catch up on another few years sleep yester aftermorn.

I see that in “austerity” Blighty

Insurers are charging jobless people more for car insurance, Research with three brokers for the BBC found that car insurance premiums averaged 30% more for those out of work but could be up to 63% higher.

The Association of British Insurers (ABI) said data showed unemployment was an additional risk for insurers.

AA Insurance Spokesman Ian Crowder reckons that "Unemployed people are likely to be distracted because of their circumstances, likely to be driving along unfamiliar roads and attempting to find specific addresses in search of job interviews."

Piss Poor Policy...

And after U-Turn Cam spouted his usual bollocks about supporting Blighty’s film industry

Pinewood studios where the James Bond films were shot had planned to build a £200m complex on the 105 acres that adjoin its site. It would have offered 1,400 homes for those working on films, and permanent locations from 17 cities around the world for shooting movies.

But fat Pratt Eric Pickles, Communities and Local Government Minister, refused to grant planning permission for Project Pinewood on the grounds that "The loss of openness would not only be visually apparent, but would all but destroy the concept of the site as part of open Green Belt land."

A spokesman for the local government department said: "Just because the Prime Minister may think it is a good idea, you can't get round the law."

The mind boggles...

Right a mile or twenty two

A French theme park is being planned in honour of Napoleon Bonaparte, almost 200 years after his death.

“Napoleonland”, the brainchild of former French minister and history buff Yves Jégo, is being touted as a rival to Disneyland – assuming, that is, it can gather the £180 million needed to leave the drawing board.

The plan is to build the unlikely amusement park on the site of the brilliant but doomed French leader’s final victory against the Austrians in the Battle of Montereau in 1814 just south of Paris.

The 1815 Battle of Waterloo, in which the Duke of Wellington ended Napoleon's rule in France, could be recreated on a daily basis with visitors perhaps even able be able to take part in the re-enactments.

  

That’ll be a short day then...

Right even further

Each August, the rural Pathanamthitta villages of Southern India come alive with a festival dedicated to the harvest known as Maramadi. After the harvest concludes, yoked bulls are sent charging down a football field-sized rice paddy soaked in a 1/2 foot of water.

These crazed bulls are then chased down and surfed around the paddy by brave, half-naked participants in a kind of rugged chariot race with much more dirt. Most participants begin by holding onto the rope attached to the bulls, and move to hang onto the tail when their surfing begins.

Think I’d be “crazed” if someone shoved their arm up my arse as well (see pic).

Dahn a fair bit

A Japanese Coastguard patrol plane narrowly avoided mid-air disaster when it was hit by an albatross.

The Bombardier DHC8-315 was flying 300 metres over the East China Sea when the bird smashed a one-metre wide hole in the aircraft.

But despite the dead bird being lodged in the plane’s nose, the pilot was able to fly for another hour on to his destination in Ishigaki, near Taiwan.

Nine crew members were on board the three-hour flight from Naha, on the Pacific Island of Okinawa. No one was injured.

So a bird in a Bombardier is worth two in the cockpit then.

Somewhere over the wet thing

There lurks “Synyster Ink” who is to tattooing what the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition is to Government.

“Synyster Ink” even has his own Facebook page Synyster Ink’s tattoos on Facebook where you can see his “work”. 

Heed the warning….

And finally:

Right to the sub continent

A video has emerged on the internet, apparently shot in India, showing a man risking his life as he lies under a moving train.

The footage shows a man walking down the rail tracks as an oncoming train speeds towards him.

Just seconds before he is about to be hit by the train he throws himself facedown onto the ground between the tracks.

After the train sped just inches over his body, the man seems to pose for the camera.

Now that is a Cupid Stunt...

That’s it: I’m orf to trick a quantum.

And today’s thought:

Angus

Dahn Unda Chinese water: Second class mail: The Toylet: Cave women: Engrish part 2: and the spotted lake.

Cold, damp and dismal at the Castle this morn, managed to catch up on several years sleep in the last 24 hours and his Maj has discovered the joy of opening the fridge.

And just after I have puchased my new Kodak digital camera-they go bust, sods'law.

Thames water who is not known for cheap H2o

Has flogged almost nine percent of itself to the China Investment Corporation (CIC), Thames Water is owned by Kemble Water, a consortium of investors led by Australian bank Macquarie.

CIC was set up in 2007 to invest some of China's huge $3.18tn (£2tn) in foreign exchange reserves.

In a one-sentence statement on its website, CIC said it bought the stake through a wholly-owned subsidiary. No purchase price was disclosed.

Thames Water, acquired by Kemble in 2006, is the UK's largest water and sewerage company, serving about 14 million customers.

No wonder my water comes out upside down and sideways....

And allegedly:

The price of second class stamps is set to rise by more than 50 per cent, under plans laid out by Royal Mail last night.

The national mail organisation said it is hoping to increase second class stamps by 53 per cent from 36p to 55p, and insisted that the increase was still “affordable” for “vulnerable groups”.

Royal Mail, which posted group profits of £1million a day for the most recent six month period, would then be free to increase the price of second class stamps from as early as April.

The price of second class stamps would then rise further by inflation every year for seven years. There would be no limit on the price of a first class stamp, which currently costs 46p.

Bye-Bye Royal Mail....

East to the land of WC lovers

Sega unveils the Toylet, a games console powered by the user's urine, for use in Japanese bars.

The games are 'Mannekin Pis' - simply measures how hard you can pee.

Then there is 'Graffiti Eraser' - lets you remove paint by pointing a hose in different directions.

Or perhaps 'The Northern Wind, The Sun and Me' - where you play as the wind trying to blow a girl's skirt up, and the harder you pee, the harder the wind blows.

Finally, the very odd 'Battle! Milk From Nose' is a multiplayer game where you compete against the person who last used the urinal. The strength of your urine streams are compared, and translated into milk spraying out of your nose. If your stream is stronger, your milk-stream knocks your opponent out of the ring.

At my age I have enough trouble just trying to keep my shoes dry....

West a fair bit to the land of cheese and hairy armpits

Anne Cautain and Bernadette Touloumond suffer from hypersensitive reactions to electro-magnetic radiations.

The symptoms include unbearable burning and terrible headaches, so bad that they couldn’t stand to live in the outside world anymore. After trying several other options, a cave has become their ultimate refuge.

 Anne and Bernadette’s cave is located outside the town of Beaumugne, on the edge of the Vercors plateau range, in France. To gain access to the area, a small ladder needs to be scaled while clinging to a rope.

A sign reading “Mobile Phones Prohibited” is displayed on the hillside. 52-year-old Anne says, “I can’t take any sort of electro-magnetic waves, whatever they may be: Wi-Fi, mobile phones or high-tension wires.” She was the first to settle down in the cave, and is now spending her third winter there.

 

What they need is the aluminium hat.

More Engrish

An advertisement for a “fuckin’ sale” at Gallerie (which appears to sell handbags and women’s clothing) has been making the waves on the Internet since it appeared earlier this year.

And:

And finally:

West even more

 Located near the city of Osoyoos in British Columbia, Canada’s Spotted Lake draws visitors from around the world. The Spotted Lake has a very highly concentration of numerous different minerals such as magnesium sulphate, calcium and sodium sulphates. It also contains extremely high concentrations of eight other minerals as well as some small doses of four others such as silver and titanium.

Most of the water in the lake evaporates over the summer, leaving behind large “spots” of minerals. Depending on the mineral composition left behind, the spots will be of white, pale yellow, green or blue in colour. The spots are made mainly of magnesium sulphate, which crystallizes in the summer to form harden natural “walkways” around and between the spots.

Lucky I spotted that....

That’s it: I’m orf to read up on the new WEEE law.

And today’s thought:

Angus                                                                                         

Moral capitalism: If you want to know the time: Big video game controller: Balls on a train: DIY beer pump: and Squirrel-tree-tree-squirrel?

Gale has returned to the Castle this morn and is howling at All And Sundry, Dawn’s crack is obscured by vast cloudy things, his Maj has decided that a warm, dry radiator is the better part of valour and the study is void of computing vehicles for the last time. 

Just returned from the stale bread, gruel and pussy food run at Tesco, strangely all went well, they had everything I wanted on the shelves, the one open checkout was clear and I managed to park close to the entrance. 

Just waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

The interweb thingy is popping in and out with more frequency than Big Bleedin Brother appears on the box. 

And:

Today is my first day of “retirement”, I have managed to acquire enough loot to see me through to “proper giving up of work” and even keep the butler on.

Which means sadly, that I may well be blogging more and even visiting my fave blogs with the chance of leaving comments.

That’ll teach you.

U-Turn Cam

According to the Prime Monster a new “popular capitalism” is needed to improve the bonus culture of banking.

Dave will set out his vision in a speech that is due to call for reforms to make capitalism more responsible.

He will argue that the Conservative agenda is well-placed to usher in a new era of moral capitalism.

And will say that the Tories are naturally opposed to monopolies and favour transparency in business as the best way to root out unacceptable practices.

Though he will promise to act to ensure excessive pay is tackled, he will insist on the benefits of free markets.

His address in London will come after Goldman Sachs disclosed that its staff pay and bonuses for 2011 totalled almost £8 billion.

How stupid does he think we are? Old scraggy Thatcher came up with the same thing back in the eighties, and look how well that went....

Meanwhile up in the Smoke

The Metropolitan Police spent more than £35,000 on 115,000 calls to the speaking clock in the past two years.

Staff also spent more than £200,000 calling directory inquiries, figures released under the Freedom of Information Act showed.

A spokesman said “evidential and operational reasons” meant that officers and staff, many of whom had no internet access, required the exact time and contact details.

Staff spent a total of £16,879 calling the speaking clock in 2010-11, down from £18,402 the previous year. At 31p per call, that amounts to almost 55,000 calls to find out the time last year, down from almost 60,000 in 2009-10.

Despite a Scotland Yard spokesman saying that the force was “committed to reducing such costs wherever possible”, staff also spent £95,313 on directory inquiries in 2010-11, although that was down from £121,501 the previous year.

“A huge number of our officers and staff will not have direct access to the internet as they are not office-based,” said the spokesman. “There are evidential and operational reasons for them requiring the exact time and contact details.

Bollocks-so none of them have watches or smart phones then?

And somewhere in slightly bonkers Blighty

The World's largest video-game controller has been unveiled -- gamers jump on buttons.

The record-breaking device -- revealed at London’s Liverpool St station to launch the Guinness World Records 2012 Gamers’ Edition -- measures 30 times the size of a standard NES controller.

It was created by British Engineering student Ben Allen (23), who studies at Delft University of Technology in the Netherlands and took five months to make at an estimated cost of £4,000

Commuters even got to have a go on the 366 cm x 159 cm x 51 cm joypad which weighs 18 stone, but it took more than their thumbs… it requires at least two gamers to press the buttons by jumping on them.

At least it will give the couch potatoes a bit of exercise.....

East more than many miles

The Indonesian state railway company is taking drastic action to stop passengers trying to catch a free ride -- by installing hanging concrete balls along domestic tracks that will knock off anyone sitting on train roofs.

PT Kereta Api Indonesia official Akhmad Suyadi said the preventative devices, known as Goal Bola-bola (Goal Balls), consist of heavy concrete spheres suspended from a frame like a soccer goal, the Jakarta Post reported.

Akhmad said the balls would initially be set up at random intervals on the railway between Bekasi and Tambun on West Java, adding that they would be installed by Wednesday morning.

Despite the obvious potential for injuries, Akhmad said the devices were being used to improve safety and passenger comfort -- not to harm people.

Jakarta think they are Numptys?

Up to the North of blighted Blighty

A pub landlord in Barnsley has come up with a novel solution to help customers avoid big queues at the bar.

Dave Barron has installed a customer operated beer dispenser.

A swipe-card machine that can be used to dispense beer during busy periods has been installed at a South Yorkshire pub.

The machine enables customers to pre-pay for four pints at a time in the Queen's Head pub, Hoyland.

Landlord Dave Barron said customers must go to the bar to buy the pre-paid card so staff can control its use.

Sort of defeats the object.....

And finally:
 

Over to the left

Two Austin women were taken to Mayo Clinic Health System in Austin early Saturday morning after their car crashed into a tree.

The driver told police she was travelling west on Sixth Avenue near the intersection of Seventh Street Northwest when she swerved to miss a squirrel. She lost control of the 1998 Chevy Blazer, and it hit a tree in someone's yard, according to Police Chief Brian Krueger.

The driver, 35, complained of stomach and abdominal pain after the crash. She was cited for violating an instruction permit before being taken to the hospital, Krueger said. The passenger, 31, was also taken to the medical centre because her mouth was bleeding.

The women's names were not released.

The squirrel was charged with jayhopping.

That’s it: I’m orf to mull the leap second

And today’s thought:

Angus