Killing us costly: Mona-Mona: Iranian Ninjas: Pricy motor: Nude birds: and useless objects.

Hard, shallow and crusty with a lack of warmth at the Castle this morn (just like the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition), his Maj has decided that he will wait until spring before he ventures out again and the butler is up to his knees in alcohol soaked, fat teenagers.

La grippe is making me feel a lot hoarse, and I have this urge to kiss people on both cheeks-up or down.

In cocked up Coalition Blighty

Allegedly the NHS faces a £15.7 billion bill to settle a rising number of clinical negligence claims.

The money has been signed off to pay for the care in future years of tens of thousands of patients who have suffered due to blunders in Britain’s hospitals.

Last year, more than 8,500 clinical negligence claims were received by the NHS, an increase of more than 30 per cent on 2009/10.

This clinical negligence bill is a calculation, based on the number of claims the NHS believes it will not be able to defend, the severity of the claimed errors and how much a victim would be paid out for these mistakes.

It therefore includes an estimate of the cost of mistakes that have not yet been claimed for.

Officials admit that the £15.7 billion compensation bill could be an underestimate if the NHS loses more cases than predicted.

Here’s an idea-why not make the knobhead “doctors” who kill and maim patients because of their errors personally liable....

Right to the land of warm winters

The Mona Lisa at the Prado in Madrid was thought to be just another copy, with added eyebrows and an odd black background.

But curators at Spain's national art museum yesterday announced that the painting was actually executed by an artist in Leonardo da Vinci's workshop at the same time as the original.

The copy has belonged to the museum at least since the 1666, first as part of the royal collection and then as a state treasure. It was first thought to have been produced by a Flemish hand after da Vinci's death. Then it was believed to be a later Italian copy.

But is it art?

East to the land where nuclear power is just that allegedly

Thousands of Iranian woman are training to be ninjas.

According to The Atlantic, roughly 3,500 females regularly change from their traditional garb to dress the part of high-kicking, wall-climbing, metal star-throwing fighters.



That’ll put the wind up Silly Billy Hague...

Back in barmy Blighty

A classic Ferrari has become the most expensive car ever sold in Britain - changing hands for £20.2million.

The legendary Ferrari 250 GTO is the world’s most sought-after car, especially as there were only 39 models built between 1962 and 1964.

This 1963 model - number 5095 - is believed to have been sold by British businessman Jon Hunt, who bought it in 2008 for what was then world-record at £15.7million.

When it was launched in the 1960s by Enzo Ferrari, the 250 GTO came with a price-tag of a relatively small £6,000.

The 250 GTO was fitted with a 3-litre V12 engine developing 300bhp - meaning a 0-60mph time of 6.1 seconds and reach a top speed of 174mph.

 

Wonder how much I could get for the Honda.....

East again to the land of oppressed people

An Israeli geneticist, Avigdor Cahaner, created the world’s first featherless chicken at the genetics faculty at the Rehovot Agronomy Institute near Tel Aviv, Israel. The bare-skinned bird was created by cross breeding a broiler with a species that has a featherless neck.

The idea behind the development of this naked bird is that it will create a more ‘convenient’ and energy efficient chicken which can live in warm countries where feathered chickens don’t do well and cooling systems are too expensive to be commonly affordable. And of course, the bird doesn’t require plucking, saving additional money in processing plants.

Well; pluck a duck.....

And finally:

 

Some useless objects.

That’s it: I’m orf to print out a spine for Nick Clegg

And today’s thought:

Angus

Money in the bank: Too rich to list: Digital socks: Brothel botherer: Manhole Numpty: and Books of wood.

Shallow, slushy and rough at the Castle this morn (just like the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition), just got back from the stale bread, gruel and pussy food run at Tesco, the roads are fine-no frost no wind, I can’t see what all the fuss is about.

The French farce continues with a longing for an equine steak...

Up to the part of the Smoke that isn’t

Allegedly the Bank of Blighty Monetary Policy Committee is set to announce on Thursday that it is expanding its Quantitative Easing programme from £275bn to £325bn.

Several members of MPC signalled at their January meeting that they would vote for a further round of QE this month.

City economists had thought the committee would approve a further £75bn of asset purchases this month, but services and manufacturing surveys have suggested that the economy performed slightly better than expected in the early weeks of this year.

Yippee-I claim my share.....

And apparently Councils have given Eric (if it moves I’ll eat it) Pickles the middle finger

Despite ordering them to identify staff earning more than £58,200 a year and any spending of more than £500 council chiefs said they had so many well-paid staff the cost of listing them and their responsibilities could run into hundreds of thousands of pounds. They also said staff safety would be at risk if the public knew how much they earned.

Other councils claimed that taxpayers lacked the “evaluation skills” to decide whether spending was good value for money and would fall victim to “misunderstandings”. Several insisted there was little demand locally for information on how they spent public money.

 Oh shit.....

Over to the left where bits of sand make billions

The latest fashion accessory is flamboyantly coloured, audaciously patterned socks; it seems that wearing flashy socks is more than an expression of your personality. It signals that you are part of the in crowd. It’s like a secret handshake for those who have arrived, and for those who want to.

Lee Sylvia, a sock buyer at Sockshop and Shoe Company, which has stores in San Francisco and Santa Cruz, Calif., said that sales of wild socks were up, an observation echoed by other local sock specialists.

Selling particularly well are geometric patterns, pink and purple, orange and black for the San Francisco Giants, socks with words like “bacon” and “beer,” and “anything with ninjas,” she said.

The most popular styles cost $12 to $40 a pair and are made of combed cotton or wool by companies like Happy Socks, Anonymousism, Paul Smith and Corgi.

Sock it to me?

Dahn Unda

A firm of private investigators in Australia has been advertising for a £50,000-a-year 'brothel inspector'.

The post involves "partaking of sexual services" undercover on behalf of local councils in New South Wales.

The Lyonswood Investigations and Forensic Group in Sydney placed the ad for a 'Brothel Buster Investigator' in My Career magazine.

Applicants were required to be unmarried and preferably single, willing to have protected sex with prostitutes and to provide sworn evidence in court.

Lyonswood operations manager Lachlan Jarvis said the job involved visiting suspected illegal brothels and gathering evidence to prove they were offering sexual services.

"Some jobs require the offering of sexual services, some actually require the partaking of sexual services... because it is considered the most convincing evidence," he said.

Mr Jarvis said the ad had proved popular with Sydney job seekers.

"We had dozens if not more than that apply, it was certainly a popular job," he said, "the perfect job for a male."

I could do that-if I had some blood pressure pills...

Up a fair way to the land of brain dead parents

How not to teach your kids about explosives...

And finally:

Left to the place that looks like a high heel

In Padova University is the collection of wooden books, once a collection of roughly a hundred, nearly half of these rare wooden books have been lost or destroyed since their creation in the late 1700s or early 1800s, leaving only 56.

These books are both about trees and constructed of them, each volume is about a different species of tree, with its cover made from the wood of that tree, showing both wood radial, longitudinal, and cross profiles. And on each spine is a section of the tree's bark.

Inside are the book's contents - but rather than paper describing the tree, each book holds bits of the tree itself. Seedlings, leaves, roots, sawdust, charcoal, flowers, and seeds are all fastened in place and numbered. Each book is accompanied by a handwritten piece of parchment with a legend explaining what each sample is.

Now there’s somewhere to visit-if you are tired of life....

That’s it: I’m orf to have a look at Cetus.

And today’s thought:

Angus

Shit for brains Numptys: Get on my land: Cheers: Weighty problem?: Bottom rockets: and Her Maj’s old bag.

Oodles of deep, crisp and even stuff at the Castle this morn, his Maj seems to like the white fluffy stuff, and the dungeon is stacked to the rack with drunk, fat teenagers for the furnace.

Despite the warnings

And that we all know that more than a whimsy of snow will bring Blighty to a standstill, hundreds-nay thousands of shit for brains “motorists” ventured out on “important” business.

Up to 100 vehicles were stranded on the M40 between Junction 4 High Wycombe and Junction 9 Bicester for several hours and snow ploughs were brought in to help clear the roads.

One motorist told BBC News he had spent more than seven hours stuck in traffic in his car on the M25 in Hertfordshire.

Knob heads.....

 

In the part of Blighty that needs faster transport

Landowners and farmers are to be paid £1,000 each to allow contractors involved in the high speed rail project onto their property.

The payment will be to allow HS2, the company responsible for scheme, to carry out environmental surveys along the route, which will initially run from Euston to Birmingham before being extended to both Manchester and Leeds.

It is the latest move to appease those who live on the route which will see trains hurtling through the Chilterns, Warwickshire and Northamptonshire.

If further inspections are needed additional payments will be made under an agreement reached between HS2, the Country Land and Business Association and the National Farmers Union.

In the case of tenant farmers, the money will be shared with the owner of the land. In addition HS2 will pay for any damage caused to the land as a result of the survey work.

"We recognise that many CLA members would rather HS2 was dropped," said Harry Cotterell, the CLA president. "But now it is confirmed we owe them a duty of care to ensure the work is carried out with as little damage and loss as is possible."

 

High speed bonus...

 

For those who like to imbibe a bit

An 1825 formula that gives you a pint of beer for just 11p a pint has been "discovered".

It was written by ale lover Thomas Denton, who was determined to recreate his favourite tipple, London Porter.

For 72 pints of stout, you will need a peck of barley, 4oz of hops, 7lb of treacle and several gallons of boiling water.

Mr Denton, of Goole, east Yorkshire, also recommended letting the potent brew ferment for seven days.

 

Good luck with that...

Over in the place where Romanians come from

A model with a waist of just 20 inches has insisted she eats three square meals a day, including fatty foods such as crisps, pizza and kebabs.

Ioana Spangenberg, 30, measures in at 5ft 6 inches tall, weighing six stone.

The model told The Sun: 'No one seems to believe it, but every day I eat three big meals and I snack on chocolate and crisps all the time.

'I just have a small stomach. It's a bit like a gastric band, if I eat too much I feel sick'.

Yeah right....

Left to the land of rear exits and the home of the lawsuit

A college student claims he was injured when a fraternity member in a “drunken stupor” decided “that it would be a good idea to shoot bottle rockets out of his anus,” and did so, “but instead of launching, the bottle rocket blew up in the defendant’s rectum, and this startled the plaintiff and caused him to jump back,” and fall off the fraternity’s deck.

The student is now suing the fraternity, Alpha Tau Omega, for failing to provide a railing for the deck as well as the frat brother who lit the rocket in question.

 Bum deal....

 And finally:

Her Maj’s old bag

And no I am not talking about Charlie’s darling, the secret is out, Sally Bedell Smith, author of Elizabeth the Queen: The Woman Behind The Throne has revealed what is kept in the royal baggage (and no I am not talking about horse face Camilla).

Apparently there is a portable hook, which is used to hang it discreetly under tables, a mirror and lipstick, reading glasses, mint lozenges a fountain pen and a crisply folded £5 note to donate to the church collection on Sundays. 

Now we know...

That’s it: I’m orf to piss in the wind

And today’s thought:

Angus

Gassing up: Gassing down: Money talks: NIMBY Owen Jones: Ferrari box: Biting the bullet: and Iglu-Dorf.

Even colder at the Castle this morn, the butler has stoked the furnace to the brim with drunk, fat teenagers and the ground is so hard that I have had to issue his Maj with a pick so that he can do his business.

Le Lurgy is still hanging around and I have this strange urge to wear a beret and built up shoes.

Over in Eastern Europe things are getting hot

According to “officials” the freezing weather sweeping across Europe has led to a shortage of vital Russian gas supplies to several countries.

Poland, Slovakia, Austria, Hungary, Bulgaria, Romania, Greece and Italy are allegedly seeing gas supplies decrease.

Gazprom, the Russian gas export monopoly, said on Friday it was supplying as much gas as it could spare.

"We are doing everything possible... all the systems are working in a stable manner," spokesman Sergey Komlev said.

Time to get the “Snuggly” out....

And talking of hot air

The new Energy secretary Ed Davey has pledged to tackle soaring power bills in the first few weeks of his new job.

He will set out new plans that will allow homeowners to group together to buy cheap gas and electricity at knock-down rates. Bills have soared over the past five years.

The plans are based on the principles of the ‘Groupon’ website, which features discounted gift certificates for members that can to buy expensive products cheaply.

That’ll help-not....

Meanwhile over in the street where the millionaires live

A Freedom of Information Act request has disclosed that in the year after the general election, £32,651 was spent on refurbishing the Chancellor’s traditional residence and the flat at No 10 where reptilian alien in disguise George (my wallet is so full I have to use a van to move it about) Osborne actually lives.

David Cameron was previously forced to publish details of a £64,000 makeover of the flat in 11 Downing Street, where the Prime Minister and his family live.

Allegedly £32,651 was spent on “maintenance works” at the state rooms, offices and the No 10 flat.

Work carried out specifically on shit faced Osborne’s flat in 10 Downing Street included “electrical works and plumbing, structural improvements, general maintenance and restoration and flooring”.

A Treasury spokesman said last night: “No. 11 Downing Street is a Grade I-listed building and as such the Government is obliged to ensure that it is maintained to an appropriate standard.

 

Ah... the old if it’s old throw money at it excuse-unless you are a pensioner....

Dahn to the land of lurgy

The former head of cosmetics giant L'Oreal, Lindsay Owen-Jones, has asked a court in France to shut down a chip stand near his apartment in the ski resort of Val d'Isere.

Owen-Jones, a British citizen who led L'Oreal from 1988 to 2006, filed a complaint along with three neighbours in October asking a court in nearby Albertville to order the chip stand closed as a neighbourhood nuisance.

The complaint said the stand was a visual, auditory and olfactory nuisance and was violating local planning by-laws. The plaintiffs are also demanding compensation for a decrease in their property values.

 

Because he is worth it.....

Right a whimsy to the land of red F 0.5 motors

Ferrari unveiled their ‘Scuderia Ferrari 2012 single-seater’ on the team’s website after snow disrupted plans to launch in front of a selected audience on Thursday.

However, although Ferrari’s driver Felipe Massa described the new car as ‘aggressive’ looking, F1 enthusiasts flooded social networks and message boards with criticism over the ugly 'boxer's nose' design.

‘Ferrari F2012 is not a looker. Back to ugly noses like the shovel experiments of the 70's,’ said one Twitter user.

‘Ferrari F2012 is one ugly F1 car. Is it the ugliest car to ever wear the Ferrari badge?’ asked another.

Drivers Massa and Fernando Alonso were on hand at the unveiling to chip in with their less than overwhelming take on the new design.

‘We still need to get used to his new nose which is very strange, but apart from the nose the car is very aggressive, very nice, and hope we are going to see a very competitive car from beginning to end,’ said Massa.

While Alonso said: ‘With the new car the first feeling has been very good from the beginning.

'I like the creative shape that we see in this new car and I think when a car surprises you from the first look it is usually a positive thing. I quite like the car, I hope it is fast.'

Designed by BMW?

East to the land of whatever

A 74-year-old man died when he swallowed his dentures during a sex session with a prostitute.

The pensioner collapsed at the end of a 30-minute session with the 62-year-old hooker.

Paramedics rushed to the scene but the man, known as Chen, was pronounced dead by the time he arrived at hospital.

Medical staff later found his dentures stuck in his throat, following the incident in New Taipei City, Taiwan.

The prostitute told authorities: "He fell back onto the bed. His eyes were open but he was not moving although I shook his body and tried to wake him up."

At least he went with a smile in his neck....

And finally: 

Back to the cold bit of Europe

Iglu-Dorf- a concept hotel that offers igloo villages in seven locations in Andorra, Switzerland and Austrian which are rebuilt every year, using 3,000 tons of snow from the Pyrenees and the Alps.

At first, the igloos were built block by block, the old Inuit way, but that took a team of five people two weeks to build just one 8-foot-wide and 8-foot-tall igloo, and they could only open the resorts at the end of January. They had to come up with a faster way, and found balloons were the best option. They filled up these big balloons, covered them up with snow and waited until it hardened, then simply deflate the balloons and voila, perfect igloos.

Although Iglu-Dorf does offer heated rooms with a stove, most of the snow igloos are only equipped with sleeping bags to keep you warm, but there is the cheese fondue fountain, or you can jump into the hot-tub built right in the snow.

Prices start at €99 per night, and go all the way up to €439, on New Year’s Eve.

Think I’ll stay in the Castle…

That’s it: I’m orf to plug the laptop into my rear exit 

And today’s thought:

Angus

Thar’s gold in the FSA: Spent Justice: ASDA cheap and cheerful-not: The Face Slimmer: The Gadabout TM 1050: and where to send your nipples to recover.

Cold enough to freeze the monkey orf its brass balls at the Castle this morn, his Maj managed to go out, do his business and get back in within a minute, the butler has changed the furnace fuel to fat, drunk teenagers because they burn for longer and the mock orange is still in place despite reaching plan “F”.

The Francaise malaise has progressed to the point where I am coughing up snails and have a permanent baguette, and today is the first time I haven’t had to go out somewhere.

Somewhere in the murky depths of the world of money

Allegedly the Financial Services Authority will cost an extra £78million next year, the 15.6% rise, three times the rate of inflation and will take the cost of running the Financial Services Authority from £500million to £578.4million.

This is despite the regulator, which employs 4,000 staff, failing to prevent the crises at Royal Bank of Scotland, Northern Rock and Halifax Bank of Scotland.

Combined with the cost of running three other bodies designed to protect customers, the total bill will rise by £121million to £1.2billion in the 12 months from April.

This is levied on the financial industry but experts warned last night that much of the extra cost will be passed on to consumers through higher fees

Thanks Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition...

And apparently Old Fart Ken Clarke

Has come up with yet another punning clan to allow killers, rapists, burglars and muggers to enter the job market.

The periods after which convicted criminals no longer have to declare their past offending are to be significantly cut in plans outlined by Kenneth Clarke, the Justice Secretary yesterday.

It will mean some rapists and killers who would normally have had a permanent record will now have it cleared after seven years at the most and possibly as low as two years.

Thousands of burglars and muggers will have their records cleared after as little as a year.

The changes centre on the 1974 Rehabilitation of Offenders Act which dictates when a conviction is “spent” and has a sliding timescale depending on the seriousness of the crime.

A “spent” conviction is when the offender no longer has to declare it on occasions such as a job application, insurance forms or visa requests.

Some periods have been cut by four fifths while others that would never have been spent now will be.

The reform means some serious sex and violent offenders could get jobs with the public without having to declare their past or a burglar could work as a plumber or gardener just a year after being punished and not own up.

However, the rules do not apply to those working with children, vulnerable adults or in other sensitive positions which require a formal background check from the Criminal Records Bureau.

Those disclosures reveal all past convictions regardless of whether they are spent or not.

The planned changes have now been added to the Legal Aid, Sentencing and Punishment of Offenders Bill, which is currently going through parliament.

Thanks again Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition...

Meanwhile with Valentine’s Day fast approaching

ASDA has come up with an “economy” card to send to a fancied one at the cost of 7p,  For just £1, a thrifty card-giver could buy one each for 14 different Valentine’s - and still have 2p change rattling in their pocket.

The supermarket chain even throws in a red envelope.

Featuring the supermarket’s “smart price” logo, the recession-busting card contains the cheeky message: “My love for you is priceless.”

Dead meat.....

East to the place where radiation is obviously affecting some people’s brains

The latest anti ageing gizmo is the Face Slimmer, a rubbery (not a lovely) thing that looks a lot like the mouth of a blow-up doll, and it supposedly solves your sagging face problem while giving you that coveted duck-face look.

Good luck with that-whatever the mouth of a blow up doll looks like...

DIY Time

Ever wanted to be in two places at once, now you can- the Cudworth-Hooper Gadabout TM 1050 is just the thing for you, a “lite-vacuum” time machine that’s economic, energy-efficient, and space-saving. It has “fully automatic space-time configurations and patented Chrono-matic Accuracy,” and is just the thing for short trips through time.

Even though the Gadabout makes time travel simple, there are still dangers involved if you operate the Gadabout improperly, so you’ll want to pay close attention to the red-bordered safety instructions. There are some of the expected warnings, like “do not immerse time machine in water” or “always turn off time machine before any maintenance or repair.” But there are many other warnings that you might not be aware of:

Do not go back in time and attempt to claim invention of time machine.

Do not connect your household vacuum to time machine.

Do not use time machine to determine ovo/Gallus domesticus order.

Do not use time machine as a hot tub.

Do not use time machine as a replacement for a moral compass.

The manual points out the useful features of the Gadabout TM 1050, like the cigar lighter, ice dispenser, and adjustable seat backs. (Ice build-up is a natural consequence of the functioning of the gravitational singularity, so Cudworth-Hooper decided to incorporate that into an ice dispenser which you can use to freshen up your passengers’ drinks.) The troubleshooting section covers what to do if you discover two of yourself when you arrive at a destination, accidentally kill your grandfather, or get stuck in a time loop. However, you’ll want to pay close attention to instructions about checking the battery charge, because there doesn’t seem to be any solution for failure of the dimensional collapse. (Recommended action: “exit the Gadabout immediately and seek shelter. If possible, communicate any final messages to loved ones.”)

So get on line and place your order for the DIY manual, a snip at $44.95 (or even cheaper if you pop back to 1953 when it was first printed) and find out if Time Travel is a breeze...but don’t forget to take your left handed smoke shifter with you.

And finally: 

Sore nipples? Send them here.

That’s it: I’m orf to collect all the moss in the garden just in case...

And today’s thought:

Angus

The MOT M.O.T.: Formula 0.5: Cutting costs: Big Apple leper colony: Chilly Chilean: Damp dining: and Fancy retiring to Ecuador?

It hasn’t been as cold as this at the Castle since yestermorn, his Maj still refuses to go out and le lurgy France’ has progressed to the point where I can’t feel my dangly bits and I am farting garlic gas.

The Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition

Has done yet another U-Turn, this time over the plan for the need to have an MOT test every two years instead of annually.

Transport Secretary Justine Greening said she had decided to stick with the present system, which had been under threat in a review of red tape.

Instead she set out a series of measures designed to improve the service offered by garages after official figures showed more than a quarter of tested cars had defects missed or wrongly assessed.

That’s the problem when you put a Lady in charge of transport-she has the map upside down.....

And staying on transport-sort of

McLaren have unveiled the new MP4-27 for this year’s F-0.5 season, shame we license payers will only see half of the races in full.

And apparently:

The Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition

Is on target with its cost-cutting, Analysis by the National Audit Office found departments spent £7.9bn less in 2010-11, as capital, administrative and programme budgets were all reduced.

Departments "successfully managed" within the new limits, it said. But it warned most had "no detailed plan" on how to meet tougher targets by 2015.

Ministers said plans were "on track".

Oh joy; and I expect that those who have seen their standard of living plummet to poverty levels, have waited months for a hospital appointment and have to choose between “heat and eat” will be bleedin ecstatic...

Over the big salty thing on the left

Just 350 yards from the Bronx there lays an abandoned leper colony, North Brother Island was first employed as a quarantine centre in 1885.

It was soon a home to six lepers. Its most notorious resident was 'Typhoid Mary' - the first healthy carrier of any disease ever to be identified - who spent years confined in its bleak woods.

Closed in 1963, it is now a haunting labyrinth of crumbling ruins, protected birds are its only inhabitants and the waters around the island are patrolled by armed coastguards who ensure the sanctity of the former quarantine zone is never violated

Reminds me of Grimly Dark ‘Orspital...

Dahn a bit plus a bit more

Police in the southern Chilean city of Cochrane arrested a man who attempted to steal over five tons of ice from the Jorge Montt Glacier, 1,700 kilometres south of the capital Santiago, El Mercurio daily reported on Wednesday.

A truck loaded with five tons of ice was stopped near Cochrane, the city’s prosecutor Jose Moris told the El Mercurio

Police think the ice was to be sold to Santiago bars for mixing cocktails, the paper said, adding that the driver would face charges of theft and damage to the nation's cultural heritage.

Ice theft is considered a major crime in Chile, according to the daily, as the Jorge Montt is one of the most rapidly receding glaciers. It is a part of the 13,000-square-kilometer Southern Ice Field, the world’s third biggest frozen landmass, shared by Chile and Argentina.

The seized ice, valued at an estimated $6,000, will be used for irrigating drought-hit local crops in Cochrane, El Mercurio reported.

Don’t they have fridges in Chile then....

Across the peaceful sea

In the Quezon province of the Philippines, Villa Escudero is a nice hacienda-style resort with cosy rooms and an exotic atmosphere. But the best bit is the waterfall restaurant that allows tourists to enjoy a nice meal right at the foot of a small waterfall.

People are encouraged to take off their shoes and get as close to the falls as possible. Set right at the foot of Labasin Falls, this special place invites customers to taste popular Filipino dishes, while fresh spring water from the falls flows under and over their feet.

Lovely; apart from the yellow streams running over your plates….

And finally:

Back across to the lower Americas

An international magazine is looking for volunteers to spend a month in Cuenca, Ecuador to test its potential as a retirement destination.

"We're not giving away a free vacation," said Jennifer Stevens, the executive editor of International Living magazine, which launched the competition.

The winner of the competition, who will be announced on May 30th, will receive round-trip air fare for two, a furnished apartment and $1,500 in living expenses, according to an ad posted on InternationalLiving.com.

The magazine said the competition gives it the opportunity to show readers the benefits of retiring abroad.

Applicants must be near retirement age and be willing to relax, explore shop, try local restaurants, maybe take a Spanish class, and report on their experience during an all-expense paid month in the Latin American country.

The only snag is that you must live in the United States or Canada.

Oh well nobody’s perfect.....

That’s it: I’m orf to crate up the Elephants

And today’s thought:

Angus

The Dark Lord pulls a fast one: Not so smart meters: The Brain museum: Tubeless toilet paper: Le Roy Tourette’s: and a De-Daws dick.

Ye gods its cold at the Castle this morn, the liquid metal in the temperature gauge has curled up in a ball at the bottom of the bulb, his Maj refuses to go out and the birds are ice skating on the water bowl.

And since my day in the land over the channel I have contracted some sort of French lurgy...

Up to the bit of Westminster that isn’t common

Dark Lord Mandelson has found a way to get round having to disclose a list of his business clients under new rules intended to improve transparency in the House of Lords.

He was expected to publish a list of his clients at his advisory firm, Global Counsel, which was previously registered as a “Category 1” directorship of a public or private company.

However, he has re-labelled his business interest as “remunerated employment”, meaning he no longer has to provide this detailed information.

Peers are now under an obligation to publish the precise source of their pay if they are directors of public or private companies, as part of a new drive to tighten up disclosure of business interests.

Or maybe not....

And apparently smart meters aren’t

The Government had promised that every household would have a smart meter by 2019 in a £12 billion programme to stop gas and electricity bills being estimated.

But officials are now devising plans to allow people to reject the smart meters, which communicate remotely from households to energy companies.

Because allegedly the devices emit electromagnetic radiation 24 hours a day and cannot be turned off.

About 400,000 have been installed in British homes. Most of the devices emit similar radiation to mobile phones, microwaves and wireless internet.

Campaigners are worried about the build-up of such devices in the home.

Some people claim to be sensitive to electromagnetic fields, saying it gives them symptoms such as nausea, fatigue and headaches.

The real reason is of course that in America, utility companies have been hit with multi-million dollar class action lawsuits from people who have had the devices installed in their homes.

So using the excuse of Elfandsafety Charles Hendry the energy minister has done a Coalition U-Turn and said: “We believe people will benefit from having smart meters, but we will not make them obligatory.”

 

Dahn in Sarf America

Tucked behind the Institute of Neurological Science down a decrepit street resides the largest display of human brains in Latin America.

The Brain Museum in Lima is run by Neuropathologist Diana Rivas, this one-of-a-kind collection contains over 3,000 examples of damaged brains and fetuses, displaying abnormalities caused by an array of neurological diseases, psychiatric

The modestly-sized museum is packed with morbid examples of stroke, Alzheimer's, tumors and trichinosis, but the star of the show is the Creutzfeld-Jacob disease specimen, commonly known as the human strain of mad cow disease.

Collecting brains and deformed fetuses since 1947, the museum also houses an autopsy room where Dr. Rivas supervises 100 autopsies a year, allowing her the convenience of hand-picking new residents for her shelves.

There are 650ish “donors” available in the sinking houses of Parliament, or have they already contributed?

The end of the tube

Kimberly-Clark the firm behind Andrex have announced what it says is the world’s first toilet paper roll without a tube which will go on sale in the US.

It's claimed doing away with the cardboard tube -- which has been the central fixture of rolled toilet paper for more than 100 years -- will massively reduce paper waste.

But the manufacturer claims the move has not been as simple as it sounds and they've had to develop a revolutionary way of winding the paper around itself.

A spokesperson for Kimberly-Clark, said: "By eliminating the tube, we are making it easy for consumers to help tangibly improve the environment, without compromising on product quality or performance.

That’ll fuck up Blue Peter...

Still in the land of mystery and the home of hysteria

Allegedly; in Le Roy High School New York up to 15 girls have developed Tourette’s over the past few months, there has been an outbreak which causes twitching and uncontrollable verbal outbursts - including swearing in some cases.

Doctors say the symptoms could be due to conversion disorder - once known as mass hysteria.

Even though it is a psychological condition, the symptoms are real.

According to the Mayo Clinic, females are much more likely to get conversion disorder and it is more common in adolescents or young adults.

Twitching, unruly, swearing teenagers-and the problem is....

And finally:

A de daws dangly thing

When the male orb-web spider has its first, and sometimes last, sexual encounter it has a trick up its sleeve: detachable genitalia which keep pumping even after their owner's moved on.

The orb-web spider Nephilengys malabarensis is sexually cannibalistic and the male has detachable genitals. These spiders have at most two chances to mate: They have a pair of sperm-transferring organs, actually called their "palps" but analogous to a penis, which detach from their bodies when they disengage from mating — either when the female pushes them away and possibly eats them or they successfully run away to risk death another day.

Handy...

 

That’s it: I’m orf to cancel my trip to Edinburgh zoo.

And today’s thought:

  

Angus