Deluded dick: Deluded Lib Dems: Porsche to porch: Old Motor: Titfer tat: and Couch surfing.

Warmish, wettish and more than a touch wobbly at the Castle this morn, it hasn’t been a good start to this Olympic year-tooth falling out-falling dahn and lying in vomit thing, and now the Fallic Glu-which includes, coughing, falling dahn and lying in vomit, agonising sinus pain and the latest joy is a pulled muscle in the back and after tonking more than a carful of stuff to the “recycling centre” the right elbow has gorn-again.

Roll on 2013...

But it seems that according to no nuts U-Turn Cam

Elf Secretary Andrew Lansley is doing "a very good" job and understands the NHS better than most, David Cameron said today in defence of the under-fire Cabinet minister.

The deaf to all Prime Monster backed his colleague despite an opinion poll showing a majority of voters were in favour of ditching the legislation altogether.

More than two-thirds of people do not trust the Government's handling of the NHS, according to a survey commissioned by BBC 5 Lives’ Victoria Derbyshire programme.

Just 18% of adults surveyed in England think Mr Lansley is doing a good job as Health Secretary.

An ICM poll for The Guardian found that 52% believed the Health and Social Care Bill should be dropped, against 33% who said the Government should press ahead with the legislation.

The other 15% are in ‘orspital and want to get out alive.......

And staying with politicians who live in a parallel universe

Lib Dem activists are preparing an emergency motion for their spring conference urging the party to work towards defeating the NHS reform bill.

It "applauds the hard work being done by Liberal Democrat peers to remove the worst elements" of the Health and Social Care Bill.

It notes the government has "totally failed to convince either the public or NHS staff" of the need for change.

Ministers say the bill, currently going through Parliament, will boost the NHS.

It has been passed by the House of Commons but amended several times by the House of Lords, delaying its progress.

They have more chance of winning the next election-only two or three things need to be “reformed” in the NHS-dump the overpaid “management”, make medics personally responsible for their cock ups, and stop privatising the old lady.

Oh yes-do away with the “Foundation Trust” bollocks and bring ‘Orspitals back under the control of the patients.

Somewhere not in Blighty

The owner of a Porsche sports car got stuck in wet concrete after trying to beat traffic by manoeuvring into an empty lane.

The embarrassed motorist was trying to beat the traffic by driving his 911 Carrera S around a line of stationary cars.

But the lane he pulled into had only just been laid and the £75,000 car got stuck deep in the wet cement, reports The Sun.

The man had to stay in his Porsche while workmen tried to shovel around the wheels before it set any further.

And passers-by in San Francisco, California stopped to point and laugh at the driver.

Cyclist Robert Etzler, who photographed the car, said it was stuck for around an hour.

He added: "Eventually they had to dig out concrete from around and under the car to free it.

Oh yes!

Dahn in the very dry garden of England

A 1961 Ferrari 250 GTE which last passed its MOT in 1975 and has spent over 30 years going rusty in a garage is expected to sell for £60,000 at an upcoming auction.

The old banger which once belonged to famous Hollywood director Agostino De Laurentiis also needs £100,000 worth of work to be restored to its original condition.

Good luck with that...

Up in the Smoke

It seems that “fashion” has hit rock bottom, Welsh milliner Robyn Coles' debut show consisted entirely of nude models wearing only different titfers.

Coles said it was important for her to use models of different shapes and sizes in her show, but admitted her main motivation for getting them naked was for publicity.

Bollocks...

And finally:

Left a lot and up less than that

A 22-year-old man has died after a country road stunt involving a sled-mounted couch went wrong in Quebec's Beauce region Saturday night.

The man was critically injured while riding on the sled-mounted couch, which was dragged by a van down a country road in St. Benjamin, south of Quebec City.

The driver of the van lost control and the sled slid into an oncoming vehicle.

Two other people along for the ride were not injured.

Police say the 21-year-old driver of the van – who fled the scene – has been charged with dangerous driving and fleeing the scene of an accident.

The stunt has been commonly referred to as "couch surfing" in several viral online videos.

Glad I’m just a “couch potato”.

That’s it: I’m orf to toss all my Graphene in the bin

And today’s thought:

Porsche prick

Angus

Bent coppers: The Brownessie: Hair today (again): Reindeer ride: Seatbelt art: and the Marble Caves of Chile Chico.

Warmish, wettish, cloudyish and calmish at the Castle this morn, spent most of yestermorn gathering “stuff” for the recycling centre, think I need a bigger car...

And the electric fence has been erected around the moat to prevent water tealeaves-the only snag is that the butler has to power it with the cyclegen...

Allegedly some plod are not very law abiding

More than 900 police staff abused their access to confidential databases over a three-year period, it has been claimed.

The research findings from civil liberties group Big Brother Watch (BBW), which cover 2007 to 2010, were described by BBW director Daniel Hamilton as "astonishing".

Two hundred and forty three staff and officers received criminal convictions for breaching the Data Protection Act (DPA), and 98 lost their jobs, a freedom of information request revealed.

Many of the searches included background checks on friends and potential partners, but the information was also at times used in a far more sinister manner.

Mr Hamilton said: "Some have been convicted for passing sensitive information to criminal gangs and drug dealers. This is at best hugely intrusive and, at worse, downright dangerous."

The findings follow allegations that Andy Coulson, who served as David Cameron's communications director at No 10 for four years, paid the police in order to receive privileged information.

Emails handed over by News Corp appear to show that Mr Coulson, then News of the World editor, authorised payments made by staff to police.

A News Corp spokesman told Vanity Fair: "It is correct to state that new information has recently been provided to the police.

In Merseyside a combined total of 208 police officers and staff faced internal disciplinary action for "viewing a computer record relating to a high profile arrest."

Meanwhile in Lancashire one member of police staff was found guilty of disclosing confidential policing information on Facebook, whilst another received just a written warning for conducting 53 criminal record checks "for no obvious policing purpose".

 

To steal and sell on.....

Up to the place where water is abundant

Sightings of a creature not dissimilar to the Loch Ness Monster have caused a stir in the normally quiet waters of the Lake District.

Local swimmer Tom Noblett, world record holder in fresh water swimming, thinks he was within feet of the creature whilst out for a morning swim.

Photographer Linden Adams also claims to have seen the creature and has captured it on camera.

The picture is now being analysed by experts in forensic visual computing.

If it’s Nessie on its hols, I hope it has a passport...

Still in baldish Blighty

Apparently desperate mums are cutting off and selling their own hair to make ends meet in hard-up Britain.

The craze for extensions fuelled by Jordan and Britney Spears has led to dealers paying £150 a time for 20inch plaits of human hair.

And women struggling to cope with rising prices and a lack of jobs are chopping off their own locks as they look at new ways of ­making money.

Single mother-of-two Hayley Harding, of Leeds, sold 14 ­inches of her brown hair last month for £70. “Losing my hair was tough but it freed up cash for my kids,” she said. “Having children can be very expensive and cutting my hair off has allowed me to buy them music books.

“I’d much rather my kids get what they need than me walk around with long locks that could be worth money. It is about your priorities, I guess.”

Rosemary Looker, 48, of Newark-on-Trent, Notts, sold 19in of her brunette hair for £60 after she was made ­redundant. “I’ve always had hair below my waist and when I lost my job friends suggested I make some money out of it,” she said. “It helped pay bills. Things are so tough; I might have to do it again.”

Teacher Sarah Winfield got her ­hairdresser to cut 15in off her dark brown hair and sold it for £65 after her boyfriend lost his job. “I’ve always liked my long hair,” said Sarah, 25, of Lincoln. “But it was a no-brainer when I realised cutting it off would help pay some of our bills.”

Thanks U-Turn Dave...

Right to the place where people live in cars for months

A driver in the far north of Norway found an inventive way to transport his reindeer: he packed three in the back seat of his car and two in the trunk and drove off, The Local Norway reported.

None was wearing a seatbelt.

The Local said police were astonished to spot the antlered heads in the back seat of the Subaru Forester and then find the other two in the luggage compartment.

The unidentified driver claimed he had received clearance from the Norwegian Food Safety Authority to transport five of his reindeer from Karasjok to Børselv, a journey of some 62 miles (100 km).

Glad I didn’t have to clean the car out afterwards....

Left to the home of the Midget and the land of recycling

Ann Conte and Jeanne Wiley have managed to renovate an old, beat-up car, by weaving it a new body, out of seat belt material.

The two artists set their sights on a 1960′s MG Midget that was used as support for firewood, in an American backyard. Their project was all about “recycling, reusing, repurposing and sustainability” so they decided to give their Midget a woven look. And what better material to use, than overstock seat belt material (over 500 yards of it). After weaving the body, the two simply bolted it to the car’s metal skeleton.

The seats of this woven vehicle are made of a partially recycled material, known as Corian Terra, and the headlights and tail lights are handmade ceramic. Conte and Wiley’s recycled car can be admired as part of a new exhibit at the South Shore Art Centre, in Cohasset, MA.

The ironic thing is that it doesn’t have any seatbelts…

And finally:

Dahn a lot to the not very warm place

In Chile the Marble Caves, or Cuevas de Mármol, are allegedly one of the most exhilarating and stunning caves to be found anywhere in the world.

The caves, made entirely of marble, were formed when water penetrated the huge blocks of rock and carved them in such a way that they formed beautiful caves and tunnels within the rocks.

Tourists can take a boat ride through the inner tunnels with a local tour company.

 Reminds me of gobstoppers....

That’s it: I’m orf to break Moore’s Law

And today’s thought:

Apple Pi?

Angus

Elfandsafety ‘Erberts: Flying high: Really big crack: Feeling blue in Kentucky: Laird of Glencoe-ish: and Picture perfect.

Cold, clear and sunny at the Castle this morn, just returned from the stale bread, gruel and pussy food run at Tesco, prices are still going up.

All across Blighty

Britain's health and safety watchdog has failed to meet more than half of its own targets for workplace safety.

Some 243 accidents or injuries were recorded in the offices of the Health and Safety Executive (HSE) last year, an increase of 16 per cent on 2009-10.

Nine were serious enough to merit reporting to the HSE’s national database of industrial accidents and diseases.

In all, the organisation fell short on seven out of 11 of its own targets on staff safety, according to an internal audit. They included regularly assessing staff on how they used computer monitors, taking action on risk reports within a month and providing “defensive driver training” to staff travelling long distances by car.

Critics say its inability to meet its own rules is indicative of the burden placed on employers by safety red tape.

 

Or it may be that those who want to work for Elfandsafety are Numptys....

  

In the posh County north of ‘Ampshire

An Oxfordshire flying club is building a new squadron of 12 Spitfires; Work has already started on one of the Supermarine Mk 26B Spitfires at Enstone Flying Club, near Chipping Norton.

When completed, each aircraft will weigh 810kg (1,782lb) and will be a 90% scale version of an original three-tonne Spitfire.

Manager of the project, Paul Fowler, 50, said the aim was to "keep the Spitfire legend alive forever".

Twenty volunteers are constructing the first Spitfire, but more volunteers are needed to build the following 11.

Spiffing, but shouldn’t they have gorn the other ten per cent....

  

Darn Sarf as far as you can go

The folks at NASA have rigged up a virtual fly through of a really big crack in Antarctica's Pine Island Glacier.

Using data gathered by NASA's Operation IceBridge science flight team, the agency generated an animated fly through over.

Glad my crack isn’t that big, but I suppose it is easier than flying to Mars.....

Up many, many miles and left more than a whimsy

Apparently For more than two centuries, the Fugate family has lived near Troublesome Creek in eastern Kentucky. Many of them, in the past, were blue.

As a result of inbreeding, the combination of a recessive trait caused them to be born with methemoglobinemia, a rare genetic disorder that turns the skin blue.  

Ooerrr...

North of the border to the land that may not be with us much longer

A company selling the title of “Laird of Glencoe” for just £29.99 to buyers keen for their own piece of Scottish ancestry has been accused of “making a mockery” of the nation’s heritage and “exploiting” one of Scotland’s greatest natural treasures.

Highland Titles, based in the Channel Islands, offers plots of land measuring a square foot on a 750-acre area known as the Keil estate, and tells buyers that owning the land allows them to adopt the title Laird, Lord or Lady of Glencoe.

Unfortunately it seems that the titles are meaningless and that the land itself is nowhere near the famous glen. The Keil estate is 16 miles west of Glencoe on a spit of land that juts into Loch Linnhe.

Thousands of people across the world have purchased the title since the firm, based in the tiny Channel Island of Alderney, bought the land in 2007. It comes along with a Master Title Deed and some celebrities – including Nelson Mandela, Kate Moss, Philip Schofield, Ozzy Osbourne and Liz Hurley – have been gifted the title, or that of the Laird, Lord or Lady of Lochaber, which the company also sells.

So it’s really laird of a very small piece of land somewhere nearish to Glencoe-ish...

And finally:

Something for us Piss Poor Photographers

Swedish imaging firm Scalado have just revealed their 'remove' technology which can be used to delete unwanted objects and people who entered the frame.

The tech -- which is set to be shown off at Mobile World Congress -- takes a series of photos as people move around and then allows you to delete them with the composite photo filling in the missing background.

A spokesperson for Scalado said: "When capturing photos in a busy area, like a public square or a concert for example, it is often difficult to get a clean shot without unwanted objects entering the frame.

"Now you can capture the shot anyway, and simply let the camera remove the people for you!"

I want one....

That’s it: I’m orf to save a language

And today’s thought:

Angus

More bonus bollocks: Tesco wants you (for nothing): Anti-terror emails: Balloon blackout: Iron Egg Skill: Iowan bacon festival: and Flying fat tax.

Cold and clear with a thick layer of white crusty stuff at the Castle this morn, fat teenagers are sliding into the furnace faster than the “new” thingy at CERN and his Maj has discovered the joy of ambush from under the four poster.

Up in the Ministry of what is left of defence

Allegedly Ministry of Defence civil servants have been awarded £40 million in bonuses despite fierce criticism of the department.

One senior civil servant was awarded an £85,831 bonus on top of their six-figure salary - at the same time as members of the armed forces have been subject to a two-year pay freeze and 20,000 are to be made redundant.

The bonuses have been paid since April last year and have seen more than 55,000 officials awarded extra payments for their performance - out of a payroll of 83,000.

In other departments-

Department of Work and Pensions employees scooped £51 million. The Department of Transport paid out £9.2million, the Foreign Office £6.4 million and the Department for the Environment, Food and Rural Affairs £2.3 million. The Department for Education spent £1.9 million on bonuses, the Department for Health £1.7 million, the Cabinet Office £1.3million and the Department for Innovation and Skills £1.1million.

Whatever happened to just working for a salary?

Up in West Suffolk

My favourite retailer is looking for a permanent night shift worker in exchange for no wages, the job was offered under the Government's "workfare scheme", which is linked to payment of benefits. The advert said the wages would simply be "jobseeker's allowance and expenses".

A statement from the supermarket chain said: "The advert is a mistake caused by an IT error by Jobcentre Plus and is being rectified.

"It is an advert for work experience with a guaranteed job interview at the end of it as part of a Government-led work experience scheme. We take our responsibility as Britain's biggest private sector employer seriously."

Employment Minister Chris Grayling told the Commons last month that the scheme was working well and was much better value for money for the taxpayer than the last Labour government's Future Jobs Fund.

Jobseekers' allowance is currently paid at £53.45 per week for under-25s, or £67.50 for older staff.

If that is the way Tesco are going it’s about time they reduced their prices...

And the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition

Has come up with yet another gem, Details of every phone call and text message, email traffic and websites visited online are to be stored in a series of vast databases under new Government anti-terror plans.

Landline and mobile phone companies and broadband providers will be ordered to store the data for a year and make it available to the security services under the scheme.

The databases would not record the contents of calls, texts or emails but the numbers or email addresses of who they are sent and received by.

For the first time, the security services will have widespread access to information about who has been communicating with each other on social networking sites such as Facebook.

Direct messages between subscribers to websites such as Twitter would also be stored, as well as communications between players in online video games.

A Home Office spokesman said: “It is vital that police and security services are able to obtain communications data in certain circumstances to investigate serious crime and terrorism and to protect the public.

No warrant no crime....

Left to the warmish bit of the US of A

A Valentine's Day gift is being blamed for a power outage in Southern California.

Southern California Edison spokesman David Song says a helium-filled balloon scored a direct hit on the company's Fontana substation Tuesday night, knocking out power to 15,099 customers.

Song says a utility crew rushed to the station and had the power restored by 9:51 p.m.

The substation was the second to encounter problems in Southern California on Tuesday night. A Huntington Beach substation went out at 7:42 p.m., affecting 21,285 customers. Song says power was restored there at 10:38 p.m.

There must be a moral in there somewhere.

East to the land of glowing man veg

Shoalin monks “practise” the Iron Egg Skill 

Warning-if you are of a sensitive nature DO NOT watch this video.

  

Bet that stings....

Back to the State of James Tiberius Kirk

Comes the simple pleasure of gripping a fistful of bacon strips in one hand, and an ice cold beer in the other.

The joy of biting into a giant bacon-infused doughnut ball topped with chocolate and even more bacon.

“Everything about bacon is like Hometown Iowa,” said Becca Swalla, 24, of Urbandale, who attended Saturday’s Blue Ribbon Bacon Festival. “I mean, really, you wouldn’t see this baconfest happening in California. Only in Iowa will people come together to eat a bunch of bacon-covered bacon.”

But even some of the 4,000 attendees acknowledged protesters outside the 165,000-square-foot bacon pleasure palace on the Iowa State Fairgrounds had valid concerns. Too many bacon tacos and cupcakes can’t be good for your health.

Num, num, num I’m orf to the kitchen....

And finally:

Apparently as soon as you have boarded a big silver bird

Key elements of Britain’s disability and discrimination laws do not apply, a court ruling could pave the way for the introduction of a “fat tax” for obese fliers, a leading barrister has claimed.

And it could also prevent passengers with a disability from seeking compensation from their airline if they receive unsatisfactory or inconsistent treatment during a flight.

“Judges” decided after considering two cases involving wheelchair users who sued their airlines after they were unable to sit next to their carers on board a flight. Both subsequently suffered “embarrassing” incidents.

But both cases were dismissed after the court ruled that the Montreal Convention, a framework of international rules and regulations on air travel, should take precedence over British law.

The introduction of a “fat tax” has been mooted by Ryanair in the past, following a survey conducted by the airline which suggested around a third of passengers supported it. A number of carriers already insist that obese customers buy an extra seat if they are unable to comfortably fit into one.

Nice to see that even Canada’s law supersedes Blighty’s....

That’s it: I’m orf to muzzle a scientist

And today’s thought:

The new RAF.

Angus

Pay up El Papa: The ladder of compo: Bankers Dahn Unda: Cracking up in Shanghai: Not working at the carwash: And talking to Angels.

Calmish, coldish and cloudyish at the Castle this morn, the mock orange “tree” is still in situ-plan N didn’t work, and the Francaise malaise is still infectious-I keep shrugging....

Right a bit and down a bit more

The Vatican is now facing a new €600m-a-year tax bill as Rome seeks to head off European Commission censure over controversial property tax breaks enjoyed by the Church.

As the EC heads closer to officially condemning the fiscal perks enjoyed by the Catholic Church and introduced by the Berlusconi administration, Prime Minister Mario Monti has written to the Competition Commissioner, Joaquin Almunia, saying that the Vatican will resume property tax, or Ici, payments.

Dig deep Benedict....

Back in Blighty

Apparently Whitehall civil servants can claim compensation for laddered tights or snagged suits.

They could be paid back for damage to clothing, handbags, and shoes while at work – even if the department where they worked was not to blame.

A £300 damaged woollen suit could be worth £225 if it was 12 months old and £150 if it was two years old.And a civil servant ripping a £5 pair of tights could be entitled to £4.50.

A Cabinet Office spokeswoman said: “There is no free-for-all clothes replacement in the Civil Service. Departments can compensate employees for property damaged at work but only if there’s reasonable case for it.

But remember-“We are all in this together”...

Dahn Unda

ANZ boss Mike Smith is taking his top staff on a $1.75 million cruise just weeks after axing 1000 workers to save money.

The exclusive Silver Shadow cruise of Malaysia's Langkawi islands boasts gourmet food, drinks and luxury suites.

Each of the 200 passengers - 100 staff and their guests - will have a personal butler.

Just days after sacking 1000 staff - 600 from its Docklands HQ - ANZ revealed a $1.48 billion quarterly profit.

An ANZ spokesman said the trip was for winners of the ANZ CEO recognition program, which did not involve senior staff, and "the program recognises our 100 top performers who are mostly junior staff who often get little recognition for the job they do".

Oh well that’s alright then....

Up more than a smidge

Allegedly Lujiazui is falling down, the price to pay for having one of the world’s most iconic skylines, Shanghai’s Lujiazui is suffering from an increasing number of mini “fault lines” radiating outwards in every direction.

Particularly near Shanghai’s most iconic buildings: the World Financial Centre and the Jin Mao Tower. As progress continues on China’s future tallest skyscraper, the Shanghai Tower (situated directly across the street from the current cracks), one can only hope the entire area doesn’t end up collapsing in on itself.

Since 2003, Shanghai has been sinking under the weight of tons of concrete and steel at a rate of about 1.5 centimetres per year, prompting city officials to limit the construction of some skyscrapers. Over the past century, it has sunk over 2 metres.

Underground parking?

West to the home of the motor and the land of queues

Amy Johnson of Minneapolis bought a $12 carwash voucher in November from Calhoun Beach Automotive, a BP gas station in the Uptown area of Minneapolis, but found the line too long to wait in. So she stashed the receipt, which had a code that would let her enter the automated carwash and that expired in 30 days.

When she returned 37 days later, the code wouldn't grant her access. She thought that was unfair and is suing BP.

Johnson just wants her $12 back, but her lawyer, Shawn Wanta, said this kind of situation has happened to so many Minnesota consumers that it merits a class-action suit asking for damages of more than $5 million. That's what the law firm figures is the minimum value of carwash certificates since February

Shoulda, woulda, coulda….

And finally:

Right a lot and a lot more

To the land of the Norse, Princess Martha Louise, who has set up her own alternative medicine business, Thursday published her second book about angels, advising readers on how to talk to them.

"There are an infinite number of angels all around us who want to help us in all circumstances and at all times," the 40-year-old princess and fellow author Elisabeth Nordeng wrote in their introduction to the book "the Secrets of Angels".

"They are there for us. They are real. They exist," they added.

The book is a sequel to "Discover your Guardian Angel" which the two women published in 2009.

"In 'the Secrets of Angels' we reveal some of their secrets to make it easier for you to contact them. Angels want to be in touch with you, but it's important to know how they operate and how they get in touch," the women said.

The princess, who is fourth in line of success to the Norwegian crown, has renounced her title of Princess Royal along with most of her official duties in order to lead her own private life.

Think my Angel has buggered orf.....

That’s it: I’m orf to look for Lord Lucan

And today’s thought:

 Carwash

Angus

Bedroom tax: Read it: Titanic lawsuit: Tiger snake ball biter: Blue Calcutta: and Charlie Thornstein.

Non weather again at the Castle this morn, the butler has returned from his well earned rest and is once again stuffing fat, carbon friendly teenagers into the furnace and his Maj has discovered the joy of sitting on top of my bladder at four of the am. 

The foreign flu is still running its course-I have this urge to colonise an African country and borrow a nuke or two...

Up in the arse of Commons

Despite the defeat in the arse of Lords the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition is to press ahead with their 'bedroom tax' on under-occupied council housing.

The Lords had originally backed an amendment postponing the housing benefit cut until an offer of alternative accommodation had been refused.

But the ‘government’, which expects 85% of those affected will not be able to move elsewhere because of a shortage of housing, restored the measure - dubbed a 'bedroom tax' by campaigners - in the Commons.

Welfare reform minister David Freud responded by acknowledging that the government did not expect all of the 670,000 affected people to move house. He said claimants had a number of options to try to "make up any shortfall and stay where they are" before housing benefit claimants lose £14 a week if they have a spare room.

Allegedly a DWP spokesperson said.

"The majority of the public agree with the Government's welfare reforms and we look forward to delivering on these radical proposals that will make our welfare system better and fairer."

Yeah right.....

In a horsebox somewhere in Blighty

The Duckess of the bit next to Devon reckons that she loves being able to “forget about everything else” and immerse herself in a novel.

“I spend my life reading to my grandchildren, trying to get them to concentrate. It takes you completely out of yourself.

"You can forget about everything else and bury yourself in a book,” said the Duckess, who is Patron of The National Literacy Trust, the Wicked Young Writers' Award, Booktrust and First Story.

 

Do stop horsing around...

Left even further than the bit next to Devon

An Imperial Beach woman named Princess Samantha Kennedy claims the script of the movie Titanic unlawfully draws from her unpublished biography and family history, and last week filed a lawsuit against Paramount Pictures for copyright infringement.

For the alleged infringement she wants all copies of the movie destroyed, and to be awarded all money made by the movie. The second highest grossing film ever, according to IMDB.com Titanic made $1.8 billion in worldwide box office sales alone after its premiere in 1997.

Kennedy claims the family history and biography was written between 1990 and 1992 and covers generations dating back to the 1800s.

Kennedy claims she only recently saw the movie on television within the last year.

The complaint also requests a preliminary injunction against the studio benefiting from the movie while the matter is being disputed.

 I do like an optimist...

Dahn Unda

A Blighty tourist was bitten "down under" by a killer snake while answering a call of nature in the bush.

The reptile sunk its fangs into Jackson Scott's testicle as he squatted in the dark.

Jackson, 29, of Glasgow, said: "I went into the garden at four in the morning after a night in the pub to save flushing the toilet because water is precious in the outback.

"Just as I finished and was about to tuck everything safely away, it bit me. I had my pants around my knees when I hobbled into Roddy's bedroom. My heart was racing and I was hallucinating.

But when he begged best mate Roddy Andrews to suck the venom out, his pal refused, reports The Sun.

Instead he drove Jackson on a 40-minute life-or-death dash to Hobart where doctors gave him an antidote to the deadly tiger snake poison.

One way to find out whom one's friends are...

East to the land of warmth and many people

Allegedly Calcutta will be painted blue, a local minister has said.

Government buildings, flyovers, roadside railings, and taxis are going to be painted in light blue colour, a minister in the ruling Trinamul Congress government said.

Owners of private buildings will be also be requested to paint them in the same colour, the minister said.

The capital of West Bengal, Calcutta is home to over 14 million people.

"Our leader [chief minister of West Bengal] Mamata Banerjee has decided that the theme colour of the city will be sky blue because the motto of the new government is 'the sky is the limit'," Urban Development Minister Firhad Hakim told The Indian Express newspaper.

Says a lot doesn’t he....

And finally:

Back in Blighty

Back in the days when men were men and bras remained un-burnt, MI5 investigated whether Charlie Chaplin was actually a Frenchman called Israel Thornstein, previously secret files on the Hollywood film star have revealed.

Intelligence officers could find no trace of the actor's birth in Britain despite Chaplin always claiming he was born in London in 1889.

The mystery surrounding his origins emerged when the US authorities asked MI5 to look into the comic actor's background after he left America in 1952 under a cloud of suspicion over his communist links.

But British officers could find no birth certificate and the earliest official record was a passport issued in 1920.

They investigated suggestions he was born in Fontainebleau, near Paris, or nearby Melun, while the Americans claimed his real name was Israel Thornstein and raised the idea he may have been a Russian Jew.

Despite extensive searches, MI5 could find no evidence of any of the claims leaving his true origins a mystery to this day.

A funny Frenchman..........Nah...

That’s it: I’m orf to check “my favourites” for Typosquatting sites

And today’s thought:

Angus