No fuel like an alien reptile fuel: Sin bin schools: Grounded old farts: Gas bags: The last glass eye maker: and The Vulgar Tongue dictionary.

Warmish and more than wettish at the Castle this morn, the fallic glu is still hanging on-I have this urge to buy a Gite and start brewing moonshine, the butler is enjoying the lack of fat teenager insertions into the furnace, and his Maj has discovered the joy of ambush from the kitchen windowsill.

And I popped dahn to a local plant place to replace the mock orange, parking was bit iffy...

As we look forward to next month’s budget

Alien reptile in disguise George (I need hearing aids in both ears) Osborne has allegedly decided that he won’t cut fuel duty.

Diesel prices hit 143.5p this week and a planned rise in fuel duty in the forthcoming budget has led to calls for protests at Westminster next month.

The Chancellor is set to raise fuel duty by 3p in August, after having deferred the rise from January. But his aides have said that the rise must go ahead as planned, in order to fund business tax cuts demanded by many in the Conservative Party. "Petrol prices have remained within a 5p range for some time," an aide to Knob head Osborne told the Financial Times.

"The price is a lot lower than it would have otherwise been if we had not intervened. We have no plans to change what we said at the autumn statement."

I would like to point out that I didn’t vote this load of shirt lifting tosspots into power-then again nor did anyone else...

And the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition

Has come up with yet another spiffing plan-Disruptive children are to be educated in “sin bin” schools that will concentrate on basic skills with longer teaching days.

Ministers will this week announce that the schools, to be known as pupil referral units, will be able to become academies with the power to set their own timetables, curriculum and staff wages.

They are designed to tackle what ministers have branded the “educational underclass”.

Head teachers have already been given powers to make it easier to expel unruly children. It is hoped that the disruptive pupils can be moved more quickly to the special units.

Bet there won’t be a stampede to move to those catchment areas....

Still in age related Blighty

The British Civil Aviation Authority said a LOT Polish Airlines flight from London to Warsaw was grounded when both pilots were found to be over 60.

The agency said inspectors had the flight grounded at London's Heathrow airport and passengers had to wait 5 hours for a reserve pilot to be flown in from Poland after inspectors discovered both pilots were over the age of 60, a violation of international air regulations, The Daily Telegraph reported Friday.

In 2006 the International Civil Aviation Authority required pilots over the age of 60 to be paired with pilots under 60 after it extended the maximum age to 65.

They could always get jobs as plumbers....

East to the land of wooden cutlery

At an oil/gas well near the west end of Huanghe 12th street in Binzhou, Shandong Province, oodles of villagers were using large plastic bags to carry natural gas.

On the morning of the 20th, when reporters first arrived, the oil extraction machinery was operating normally; a gas canister and large gas furnace were beside the machine with no people standing guard. At 10 am, a middle aged woman brought a large plastic bag to the machine. The woman skilfully opened the valve to the gas and connected it to the bag she was carrying; the plastic bag quickly rose and grew to be a 6 meter long, 1 meter wide balloon. After about 4 minutes the bag was full.

According to reports, there is more than one oil well in Binzhou; many other villages near oil/gas wells also had cases of villages self-filling gas. “Some villages directly connect the oil pipe to the village and divide it among the household. Once there was a power outage to the pipeline, uninformed villages continue to use gas to burn stoves, by the time the pipeline came back on, the rush of gas ignited the fires causing an explosion,” recalled an oil worker at Shengli Oil Field in Binzhou.

 

No wonder my gas bill is so bleedin high….

Back in Blighty where the one eyed man is king

In a tiny room in a north London suburb, Jost Haas makes a glass eye.

He holds a glass tube over a Bunsen burner, twirling it constantly, blows through the molten glass, and turns it into a sphere.

Haas uses coloured glass sticks to match the colour of the eye - not just the pattern of the iris, but the red veins of the sclera.

He also has to make the glass eye fit the shape of Dan's bad eye, and there is only one chance to get it right.

A glass eye is not a large solid marble. It is a hollow half sphere, a thin shell that fits over the non-working eye, if it is still there. Otherwise it goes over a ball that has been surgically implanted into the eye socket and attached to the eye muscles.

Most prosthetic eyes will have a degree of movement.

Haas is from Germany, which has always made the finest glass eyes. He came here in the 1960s. But now he is close to retirement, and when he switches off his Bunsen burner for good there will be no more glass eye makers in Britain.

Thank him/her upstairs for acrylics then...

And finally: 

Somewhere on the interweb

When it was published in 1811 by soldier Francis Grose the Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue was a hit but now it is getting tongues wagging again after being published online.

It was first available when Britain was under threat from Napoleon but it has now been re-published for free at the Project Gutenberg online digital library.

The book includes gems such as 'ace of spades' for a widow, 'all-a-mort' to be struck dumb, and 'angling for farthings', which means to beg out of a prison window with a cap or box.

Or:

ABBESS: Mistress of a brothel.

BABES IN THE WOOD: Criminals in stocks or pillory.

BLIND CUPID: Backside.

BOB TAIL: Lewd woman. Also an impotent man or a eunuch.

BREAD AND BUTTER FASHION: One upon the other. "John and his maid were caught lying bread and butter fashion."

COLD PIG: Punishment inflicted on "sluggards" who lie too long in bed — pulling off all the bedclothes and throwing cold water on them.

COW-HEARTED: Fearful.

DOCK: Lie with a woman.

DUGS: Woman's breasts.

ELBOW SHAKER: A dice player.

FLASH THE HASH: Vomit.

GLAZIER: Someone who breaks windows to steal goods for sale.

GOSPEL SHOP: Church.

HEMPEN WIDOW: One whose husband was hanged.

HOYDON: Romping girl.

INEXPRESSIBLES: Breeches.

JOLLY: The head.

KING'S PICTURES: Coin, money.

LEFT-HANDED WIFE: Concubine. Based on an ancient German custom where, when a man married his concubine or a woman greatly his inferior, he gave her his left hand.

NOISY DOG RACKET: Stealing brass knockers from doors.

OVEN: Great mouth.

PIECE: Wench. A girl who is more or less active and skilful in the amorous congress.

POISONED: Big with child.

QUEER PLUNGERS: Cheats who throw themselves into the water in order that they may be taken up by their accomplices, who carry them to one of the houses appointed by the Humane Society for the recovery of drowned persons, where they are rewarded by the society with a guinea.

RESURRECTION MEN: Persons employed by the students in anatomy to steal dead bodies out of churchyards.

RUM DOXY: Fine wench.

SHOOT THE CAT: Vomit from excess of liquor.

SHY COCK: One who keeps within doors for fear of bailiffs.

SNOOZING KEN: Brothel.

STRIP ME NAKED: Gin.

TIT: Horse or smart little girl.

TWIDDLE-DIDDLES: Testicles.

TWIDDLE POOP: Effeminate-looking fellow.

UNLICKED CUB: Rude, uncouth young fellow.

VAMPER: Stockings.

WINDOW PEEPER: Collector of window tax.

XANTIPPE: Socrates’ wife, a shrew or scolding wife.

YELLOW BOYS: Guineas.

ZEDLAND: Great part of the West Country where the letter Z is substituted for S.

My favourite is TWIDDLE POOP- a perfect description of U-Turn Cam, What’s his name Glegg and Alien reptile in disguise- George (I’ve lost my handbag) Osborne.

That’s it: I’m orf to get a TV filter.

And today’s thought:

Should have gorn to Specsavers.

Angus

Bus pass grab: the Naked Sledging World Cup: Are you a Hyperpolyglot: Space elevator: Bog standard desk: and Big de-daws.

Warm, non wettish and much less wobbly at the Castle this morn, the butler has turned orf the furnace-until tomorrow, and I managed to venture into the garden to try plan “P” on the mock orange “tree”; it’s still there....

But there are a few flowers enjoying the lack of cold.

According to The Social Market Foundation

The best way to get bankrupt Blighty back on the straight and narrow is to take away pensioners bus passes because they are a low-priority item of spending that did nothing to improve the economy and should be scrapped.

Other “ideas” are taking away winter fuel payments and free television licences from wealthier pensioners.

And another £1 billion could be found by preventing savers from keeping any more than £15,000 in tax-free ISAs and £2.4 billion from means testing child benefit payments.

That’ll work-stopping pensioners from being able to get to the town to spend what is left of their pittance will really boost the economy....

Right a bit to the land of BMW boxes

Porn actress Mia Magma is a big winner as 25,000 packed a German village to watch the 'nude winter Olympics’

Organisers said 25-year-old was "too naked and too fast for everyone else" as she conquered the 291-foot course in temperatures just above zero. 

One way to make a point-or two...

Back in multi lingual Blighty

Ray Gillon speaks 18 languages. To be precise, he only speaks eight fluently. His grasp on the other 10 is merely conversational.

Throw anything at him in Portuguese, Thai, Turkish, Russian, Polish, Dutch, Danish, Norwegian, Bulgarian or Mandarin and he will banter back.

In the UK, where there has been a growing anxiety over the failure to learn additional languages, Gillon might seem to be a bit of an anomaly. More and more children have been giving up languages since the last government made learning foreign languages optional in England from the age of 14.

Apparently;

Up to 7,000 different languages are estimated to be spoken around the world.

Mandarin Chinese, English, Spanish, Hindi, Arabic, Bengali, Russian, Portuguese, Japanese, German and French are world's most widely spoken languages, according to UNESCO

English is related to German and Dutch, and all are part of Indo-European family of languages

2,200 of the world's languages can be found in Asia, while Europe has 260

 

I ‘ave enough trouble with English, but who says you can’t learn anyfing on this blog.....

East to the land of things that glow

A Japanese construction firm claimed Wednesday it could execute an out-of-this-world plan to put tourists in space within 40 years by building an elevator that stretches a quarter of the way to the moon.

Obayashi Corp claims it could use carbon nanotube technology, which is more than 20 times stronger than steel, to build a lift shaft 96,000 kilometres (roughly 60,000 miles) above the Earth.

The company said it would carry up to 30 passengers at a time and travel at a speed of 200 kilometres per hour for a week, stopping off at a station at 36,000 kilometres.

That’s one way to get away from the radiation...

Up a bit and left a whimsy

One inventor believes he has found the perfect way to salvage unwanted toilets - by turning them into desks for local schoolchildren.

Loo manufacturer Gao Jianguo discovered a way to transform these bog standard unused toilets into fully functional desks by turning one lavatory's cistern lid into portable lap desks.

Alternatively students can sit on top of the toilet seat backwards and work from a fixed position.

Gao, from Shijiazhuang, northern China, has now donated hundreds of the wacky toilet desks to local schools in the area.

Flushed with success-still it might do away with toilet breaks....

And finally: 

Apparently according to Journal of Anxiety Disorders

The more you fear a spider the bigger it will appear to be, according to new research.

A study of arachnophobes found the worse their condition the larger they estimated the creepy crawlies size.

The irrational fear of spiders is believed to affect as many as half of women and girls, and up to one in six males.

And the latest findings explain why many sufferers hold out their arms shrieking "it was that big" when the reality of the situation turns out to be much less scary.

Psychologist Professor Michael Vasey, of Ohio State University, said: "If one is afraid of spiders, and by virtue of being afraid of spiders one tends to perceive spiders as bigger than they really are, that may feed the fear, foster that fear, and make it difficult to overcome."

“One” always has a rolled up newspaper to hand....... 

That’s it: I’m orf to sort out the Oscillation Project with Emulsion-Racking Apparatus’s wiring.

And today’s thought:

Non nude sledding.

  

Angus

Dear, old NHS: Centrica cashes in: USA UFO: Big Lobster: No pants out East: and Mirror, mirror.

Damp, dismal and a fair amount of positive numbers in the liquid metal gauge at the castle this morn, the Fallic Glu still has its hold on moi, I am “glowing” a bit more than gently and have just returned from the stale bread, gruel and his Maj’s food run dahn Tesco, still dodging the internet robots and watching as the total on the receipt climb to new heights. 

Bit late today-having all sorts of problems with the interweb thingy..

In old, decrepit Blighty

It seems that our NHS may need an emergency cash bailout before the next general election.

And apparently it is all the fault of us old farts: Alien reptile in disguise George (you are all in it, but we are still rich) Osborne reckons that despite the £20 billion cuts and “extra money” for the old girl there will not be enough to provide care for the growing number of elderly patients and meet the rising cost of advanced medical treatments.

Well, excuse me for not shuffling orf this mortal coil.....

Still in the warm wet UK

British gas has seen a 30% fall in operating profits at its residential energy division to a mere £522m.

The firm blamed lower consumption due to good weather and improvements in energy efficiency.

"2011 was a tough year, both for Centrica and our customers," said chief executive Sam Laidlaw.

 I don’t consider a £522m profit “tough”; more like a rip orf....

Left to the home of the unknown and the land of logos

Footage claiming to feature the best UFO sighting ever recorded has been released on YouTube.

Reported to have been captured from a moving car near Roswell, New Mexico – the site of one of the most controversial conspiracy theory incidents in US history − the clip has been viewed over 10,000 times.

Stephen Hannard, of Alien Disclosure Group UK, uploaded the eerie recording of the flying saucer.

He commented: “Possible leaked footage of a UFO arriving then landing at an unknown location in New Mexico.”

His speculation continued: “Could be one of ours, CGI, or could be the real deal. As Always You Decide.”

Odd thing is that this “UFO” seems to have the American “star” on it.

Up a smidge to one of the fishing bits of the States

A giant 27-pound lobster has been caught off the Maine coast, but it won't be going into a pot of boiling water.

Maine State Aquarium Director Aimee Hayden-Rodriques says Cushing shrimp fisherman Robert Malone caught the monster crustacean in his nets Friday. He gave it to the Department of Marine Resources to deliver to the aquarium, which the DMR operates in Boothbay Harbour.

The beast weighed in at 27 pounds and measured nearly 40 inches long. It was dubbed Rocky because it was caught in the Rockland area, but Hayden-Rodriquez says it could have been named for Rocky the boxer because its claws are big enough to pack quite a punch.

Hayden-Rodriquez says Rocky will soon be released into the ocean because he'll fare better in the wild.

Rocky go home....

East to the land of pants

Last week in Taiwan, a gaggle of young girls flaunted their assets on Taipei’s MRT subway line — all in the name of saving the world, of course. Mirroring the famed “No Pants Subway Ride” that has exploded in popularity in New York due to the efforts of groups like Improv Everywhere, the women (and some men) bared legs and smiles to a sea of gawkers in order to raise environmental awareness.

The group boarded the MRT at 9am to the shock of commuters and workers alike, and were surrounded by cameras in no time. When asked about their motives, they responded that they wanted to inject some excitement and liberation into their normally monotonous life, while also promoting energy conservation and reduction of carbon emissions (presumably by attracting attention to Taiwan’s MRT).

Nothing to do with getting on the telly then.....

And finally:

Left a fair way and up a bit

Every year, for 84 days in a row, the sun would disappear behind a 1,600-meter high mountain in the town of Viganella. As a result, the town with 197 inhabitants would be plunged into near-total darkness.

Thanks to the work of Midali, a large eight metres wide by five metres tall mirror has just been installed in November to bring light to this town during winter.

Workers also installed a powerful "altazimuth" computer that would move the mirror around so as to capture the sun's rays and convey them on the town's square for up to eight hours a day

That’ll bugger up the Leccy companies profits....

That’s it: I’m orf to see if I can get cheaper water.

And today’s thought:

Eggstaterrestrial

Angus

Deluded dick: Deluded Lib Dems: Porsche to porch: Old Motor: Titfer tat: and Couch surfing.

Warmish, wettish and more than a touch wobbly at the Castle this morn, it hasn’t been a good start to this Olympic year-tooth falling out-falling dahn and lying in vomit thing, and now the Fallic Glu-which includes, coughing, falling dahn and lying in vomit, agonising sinus pain and the latest joy is a pulled muscle in the back and after tonking more than a carful of stuff to the “recycling centre” the right elbow has gorn-again.

Roll on 2013...

But it seems that according to no nuts U-Turn Cam

Elf Secretary Andrew Lansley is doing "a very good" job and understands the NHS better than most, David Cameron said today in defence of the under-fire Cabinet minister.

The deaf to all Prime Monster backed his colleague despite an opinion poll showing a majority of voters were in favour of ditching the legislation altogether.

More than two-thirds of people do not trust the Government's handling of the NHS, according to a survey commissioned by BBC 5 Lives’ Victoria Derbyshire programme.

Just 18% of adults surveyed in England think Mr Lansley is doing a good job as Health Secretary.

An ICM poll for The Guardian found that 52% believed the Health and Social Care Bill should be dropped, against 33% who said the Government should press ahead with the legislation.

The other 15% are in ‘orspital and want to get out alive.......

And staying with politicians who live in a parallel universe

Lib Dem activists are preparing an emergency motion for their spring conference urging the party to work towards defeating the NHS reform bill.

It "applauds the hard work being done by Liberal Democrat peers to remove the worst elements" of the Health and Social Care Bill.

It notes the government has "totally failed to convince either the public or NHS staff" of the need for change.

Ministers say the bill, currently going through Parliament, will boost the NHS.

It has been passed by the House of Commons but amended several times by the House of Lords, delaying its progress.

They have more chance of winning the next election-only two or three things need to be “reformed” in the NHS-dump the overpaid “management”, make medics personally responsible for their cock ups, and stop privatising the old lady.

Oh yes-do away with the “Foundation Trust” bollocks and bring ‘Orspitals back under the control of the patients.

Somewhere not in Blighty

The owner of a Porsche sports car got stuck in wet concrete after trying to beat traffic by manoeuvring into an empty lane.

The embarrassed motorist was trying to beat the traffic by driving his 911 Carrera S around a line of stationary cars.

But the lane he pulled into had only just been laid and the £75,000 car got stuck deep in the wet cement, reports The Sun.

The man had to stay in his Porsche while workmen tried to shovel around the wheels before it set any further.

And passers-by in San Francisco, California stopped to point and laugh at the driver.

Cyclist Robert Etzler, who photographed the car, said it was stuck for around an hour.

He added: "Eventually they had to dig out concrete from around and under the car to free it.

Oh yes!

Dahn in the very dry garden of England

A 1961 Ferrari 250 GTE which last passed its MOT in 1975 and has spent over 30 years going rusty in a garage is expected to sell for £60,000 at an upcoming auction.

The old banger which once belonged to famous Hollywood director Agostino De Laurentiis also needs £100,000 worth of work to be restored to its original condition.

Good luck with that...

Up in the Smoke

It seems that “fashion” has hit rock bottom, Welsh milliner Robyn Coles' debut show consisted entirely of nude models wearing only different titfers.

Coles said it was important for her to use models of different shapes and sizes in her show, but admitted her main motivation for getting them naked was for publicity.

Bollocks...

And finally:

Left a lot and up less than that

A 22-year-old man has died after a country road stunt involving a sled-mounted couch went wrong in Quebec's Beauce region Saturday night.

The man was critically injured while riding on the sled-mounted couch, which was dragged by a van down a country road in St. Benjamin, south of Quebec City.

The driver of the van lost control and the sled slid into an oncoming vehicle.

Two other people along for the ride were not injured.

Police say the 21-year-old driver of the van – who fled the scene – has been charged with dangerous driving and fleeing the scene of an accident.

The stunt has been commonly referred to as "couch surfing" in several viral online videos.

Glad I’m just a “couch potato”.

That’s it: I’m orf to toss all my Graphene in the bin

And today’s thought:

Porsche prick

Angus

Bent coppers: The Brownessie: Hair today (again): Reindeer ride: Seatbelt art: and the Marble Caves of Chile Chico.

Warmish, wettish, cloudyish and calmish at the Castle this morn, spent most of yestermorn gathering “stuff” for the recycling centre, think I need a bigger car...

And the electric fence has been erected around the moat to prevent water tealeaves-the only snag is that the butler has to power it with the cyclegen...

Allegedly some plod are not very law abiding

More than 900 police staff abused their access to confidential databases over a three-year period, it has been claimed.

The research findings from civil liberties group Big Brother Watch (BBW), which cover 2007 to 2010, were described by BBW director Daniel Hamilton as "astonishing".

Two hundred and forty three staff and officers received criminal convictions for breaching the Data Protection Act (DPA), and 98 lost their jobs, a freedom of information request revealed.

Many of the searches included background checks on friends and potential partners, but the information was also at times used in a far more sinister manner.

Mr Hamilton said: "Some have been convicted for passing sensitive information to criminal gangs and drug dealers. This is at best hugely intrusive and, at worse, downright dangerous."

The findings follow allegations that Andy Coulson, who served as David Cameron's communications director at No 10 for four years, paid the police in order to receive privileged information.

Emails handed over by News Corp appear to show that Mr Coulson, then News of the World editor, authorised payments made by staff to police.

A News Corp spokesman told Vanity Fair: "It is correct to state that new information has recently been provided to the police.

In Merseyside a combined total of 208 police officers and staff faced internal disciplinary action for "viewing a computer record relating to a high profile arrest."

Meanwhile in Lancashire one member of police staff was found guilty of disclosing confidential policing information on Facebook, whilst another received just a written warning for conducting 53 criminal record checks "for no obvious policing purpose".

 

To steal and sell on.....

Up to the place where water is abundant

Sightings of a creature not dissimilar to the Loch Ness Monster have caused a stir in the normally quiet waters of the Lake District.

Local swimmer Tom Noblett, world record holder in fresh water swimming, thinks he was within feet of the creature whilst out for a morning swim.

Photographer Linden Adams also claims to have seen the creature and has captured it on camera.

The picture is now being analysed by experts in forensic visual computing.

If it’s Nessie on its hols, I hope it has a passport...

Still in baldish Blighty

Apparently desperate mums are cutting off and selling their own hair to make ends meet in hard-up Britain.

The craze for extensions fuelled by Jordan and Britney Spears has led to dealers paying £150 a time for 20inch plaits of human hair.

And women struggling to cope with rising prices and a lack of jobs are chopping off their own locks as they look at new ways of ­making money.

Single mother-of-two Hayley Harding, of Leeds, sold 14 ­inches of her brown hair last month for £70. “Losing my hair was tough but it freed up cash for my kids,” she said. “Having children can be very expensive and cutting my hair off has allowed me to buy them music books.

“I’d much rather my kids get what they need than me walk around with long locks that could be worth money. It is about your priorities, I guess.”

Rosemary Looker, 48, of Newark-on-Trent, Notts, sold 19in of her brunette hair for £60 after she was made ­redundant. “I’ve always had hair below my waist and when I lost my job friends suggested I make some money out of it,” she said. “It helped pay bills. Things are so tough; I might have to do it again.”

Teacher Sarah Winfield got her ­hairdresser to cut 15in off her dark brown hair and sold it for £65 after her boyfriend lost his job. “I’ve always liked my long hair,” said Sarah, 25, of Lincoln. “But it was a no-brainer when I realised cutting it off would help pay some of our bills.”

Thanks U-Turn Dave...

Right to the place where people live in cars for months

A driver in the far north of Norway found an inventive way to transport his reindeer: he packed three in the back seat of his car and two in the trunk and drove off, The Local Norway reported.

None was wearing a seatbelt.

The Local said police were astonished to spot the antlered heads in the back seat of the Subaru Forester and then find the other two in the luggage compartment.

The unidentified driver claimed he had received clearance from the Norwegian Food Safety Authority to transport five of his reindeer from Karasjok to Børselv, a journey of some 62 miles (100 km).

Glad I didn’t have to clean the car out afterwards....

Left to the home of the Midget and the land of recycling

Ann Conte and Jeanne Wiley have managed to renovate an old, beat-up car, by weaving it a new body, out of seat belt material.

The two artists set their sights on a 1960′s MG Midget that was used as support for firewood, in an American backyard. Their project was all about “recycling, reusing, repurposing and sustainability” so they decided to give their Midget a woven look. And what better material to use, than overstock seat belt material (over 500 yards of it). After weaving the body, the two simply bolted it to the car’s metal skeleton.

The seats of this woven vehicle are made of a partially recycled material, known as Corian Terra, and the headlights and tail lights are handmade ceramic. Conte and Wiley’s recycled car can be admired as part of a new exhibit at the South Shore Art Centre, in Cohasset, MA.

The ironic thing is that it doesn’t have any seatbelts…

And finally:

Dahn a lot to the not very warm place

In Chile the Marble Caves, or Cuevas de Mármol, are allegedly one of the most exhilarating and stunning caves to be found anywhere in the world.

The caves, made entirely of marble, were formed when water penetrated the huge blocks of rock and carved them in such a way that they formed beautiful caves and tunnels within the rocks.

Tourists can take a boat ride through the inner tunnels with a local tour company.

 Reminds me of gobstoppers....

That’s it: I’m orf to break Moore’s Law

And today’s thought:

Apple Pi?

Angus

Elfandsafety ‘Erberts: Flying high: Really big crack: Feeling blue in Kentucky: Laird of Glencoe-ish: and Picture perfect.

Cold, clear and sunny at the Castle this morn, just returned from the stale bread, gruel and pussy food run at Tesco, prices are still going up.

All across Blighty

Britain's health and safety watchdog has failed to meet more than half of its own targets for workplace safety.

Some 243 accidents or injuries were recorded in the offices of the Health and Safety Executive (HSE) last year, an increase of 16 per cent on 2009-10.

Nine were serious enough to merit reporting to the HSE’s national database of industrial accidents and diseases.

In all, the organisation fell short on seven out of 11 of its own targets on staff safety, according to an internal audit. They included regularly assessing staff on how they used computer monitors, taking action on risk reports within a month and providing “defensive driver training” to staff travelling long distances by car.

Critics say its inability to meet its own rules is indicative of the burden placed on employers by safety red tape.

 

Or it may be that those who want to work for Elfandsafety are Numptys....

  

In the posh County north of ‘Ampshire

An Oxfordshire flying club is building a new squadron of 12 Spitfires; Work has already started on one of the Supermarine Mk 26B Spitfires at Enstone Flying Club, near Chipping Norton.

When completed, each aircraft will weigh 810kg (1,782lb) and will be a 90% scale version of an original three-tonne Spitfire.

Manager of the project, Paul Fowler, 50, said the aim was to "keep the Spitfire legend alive forever".

Twenty volunteers are constructing the first Spitfire, but more volunteers are needed to build the following 11.

Spiffing, but shouldn’t they have gorn the other ten per cent....

  

Darn Sarf as far as you can go

The folks at NASA have rigged up a virtual fly through of a really big crack in Antarctica's Pine Island Glacier.

Using data gathered by NASA's Operation IceBridge science flight team, the agency generated an animated fly through over.

Glad my crack isn’t that big, but I suppose it is easier than flying to Mars.....

Up many, many miles and left more than a whimsy

Apparently For more than two centuries, the Fugate family has lived near Troublesome Creek in eastern Kentucky. Many of them, in the past, were blue.

As a result of inbreeding, the combination of a recessive trait caused them to be born with methemoglobinemia, a rare genetic disorder that turns the skin blue.  

Ooerrr...

North of the border to the land that may not be with us much longer

A company selling the title of “Laird of Glencoe” for just £29.99 to buyers keen for their own piece of Scottish ancestry has been accused of “making a mockery” of the nation’s heritage and “exploiting” one of Scotland’s greatest natural treasures.

Highland Titles, based in the Channel Islands, offers plots of land measuring a square foot on a 750-acre area known as the Keil estate, and tells buyers that owning the land allows them to adopt the title Laird, Lord or Lady of Glencoe.

Unfortunately it seems that the titles are meaningless and that the land itself is nowhere near the famous glen. The Keil estate is 16 miles west of Glencoe on a spit of land that juts into Loch Linnhe.

Thousands of people across the world have purchased the title since the firm, based in the tiny Channel Island of Alderney, bought the land in 2007. It comes along with a Master Title Deed and some celebrities – including Nelson Mandela, Kate Moss, Philip Schofield, Ozzy Osbourne and Liz Hurley – have been gifted the title, or that of the Laird, Lord or Lady of Lochaber, which the company also sells.

So it’s really laird of a very small piece of land somewhere nearish to Glencoe-ish...

And finally:

Something for us Piss Poor Photographers

Swedish imaging firm Scalado have just revealed their 'remove' technology which can be used to delete unwanted objects and people who entered the frame.

The tech -- which is set to be shown off at Mobile World Congress -- takes a series of photos as people move around and then allows you to delete them with the composite photo filling in the missing background.

A spokesperson for Scalado said: "When capturing photos in a busy area, like a public square or a concert for example, it is often difficult to get a clean shot without unwanted objects entering the frame.

"Now you can capture the shot anyway, and simply let the camera remove the people for you!"

I want one....

That’s it: I’m orf to save a language

And today’s thought:

Angus