Elf and expenses: Rent a McLaren: Mooving Civic: Underground subs: and a Choco-holiday.

Coldish, cloudyish and calmish at the Castle this morn, apart from a bit of minor vandalism the garden is sorted and those nice people at the Met office are even predicting a smidge of sky water.

I had beans on toast for my supper last day before eve and yesterday I went to an aboriginal art thingy, the beans did their job and as the old song goes-

I left my fart near sandy frescos...

From the second largest city to the largest city in barmy Blighty

Sir David Nicholson, the chief executive of the health service in England who told the NHS it had to find savings of £20bn over four years, is facing questions about his own ability to budget after details of his latest travel costs were published by the Department of Health.

They reveal that the NHS is spending £5,000 a month on his travel and hotel accommodation expenses. In the three months to September last year, the Department of Health spent £4,329 on his rail fares, £3,188 on hotel accommodation and £8,000 on an official car and driver.

Sir David is one of the best-paid civil servants in the country, with a basic salary of more than £200,000. But despite his job being primarily based in London, under a deal struck with the Department several years ago he is allowed to live in Birmingham and have his journeys to London paid for by the taxpayer.

The Department of Health also paid for the cost of a London flat where he stayed during the week until last year. That arrangement has now ended but, as a consequence, the Department has started paying for London hotel accommodation for its most senior civil servant and more first-class rail journeys to and from Birmingham.

In just one week in July last year, it paid £480 for what appears to be just three rail journeys to London from Birmingham described as "attending an internal meeting", and £774 on what was described as "accommodation and meals".

A number of the rail journeys between London and Birmingham appear to cost up to £240 each.

A spokeswoman for the Department of Health said that it did all it could to ensure good value for money.

Bollocks...

Somewhere on the Interweb

British drivers have been offered the chance to hire the £212,000 McLaren MP4-12C by Hertz, the car rental company.

The price tag is likely to hinder all but the most affluent travellers, however. One day’s rental starts at £1,134.30, although this drops to a slightly more modest £906.30 for rentals lasting more than 28 days.

The car – designed by the same company responsible for Lewis Hamilton’s Formula 1 vehicle – features a 3.8-litre V8 twin-turbo engine, which produces 592bhp. It has a top speed of more than 200mph, and can accelerate from 0 to 60mph in 2.8 seconds and from 0 to 124mph in 8.9 seconds. In July 2011, it registered the second-fastest lap around the Top Gear track.

However, anyone considering a trip to the German autobahns, to put the car through its paces, will be sorely disappointed. According to the terms and conditions, drivers are not permitted to take the car abroad.

Hertz is offering the car through its brand HertzSuperCars.com. According to the website, a damage waiver is not available. Should you scratch the paintwork, or worse, the excess charge is £5,000.

Michel Taride, president of Hertz International and executive vice-president of Hertz Corporation, said: “Hertz aspires to offer truly innovative rental experiences to our customers, and the spell-binding McLaren MP4-12C provides an opportunity of a lifetime to experience Formula 1 race-bred technologies on the road.”

Also available through the website is the Ferrari 458 Italia (from £826.50 per day), the Ferrari F430 Spyder (from £507.30 per day) and the Aston Martin DB9 (from £450.30 per day).

Think I may pass on that....

Left to the later bit of Mexico

Three men are accused of stealing a 220-pound calf and driving off with the bovine in the back seat of a Honda Civic, New Mexico authorities said.

The Luna County Sheriff's Office said Jose Coronado, 26, Gerardo Gonzalez-Balderas, 20, and Salvador Balderas-Gonzalez, 23, were pulled over around 3 a.m. Friday for speeding and the deputy was shocked to see a 220-pound Holistein calf in the back seat of the car, The Carlsbad (N.M.) Current Argus reported Monday.

The men, who work for a Sierra County ranch, initially told the deputy they were allowed to have the animal but later allegedly admitted they had taken the calf without permission.

The men were charged with felony counts of larceny of livestock and conspiracy as well as misdemeanour counts of lack of a bill of sale and exporting livestock.

Amazing what you can fit in a Civic...

East to the land of sub-basements

37-year-old Zhang Wuyi builds mini submarines in a makeshift workspace in the basement of a disused building. When he started off, he worked alone. Today, he has three orders under his belt and also employs ten workers. His submarine models are capable of diving up to 30 meters under sea level and travel at 20 kph for 10 hours. They can seat two people and also contain oxygen tanks and video cameras. The walls are made of wrought iron. It takes Wuyi up to a month to build a submarine, and each one sells for about $31,000.

Wuyi’s ‘small and simple’ submarines are aimed at local fishermen. The first and only sold sub so far was purchased by Cong Zhijie, a sea cucumber farmer. He says, “I was brave enough to be the first user of the submersible, but that machine helped me catch up to 50kg of sea cucumbers in 40 minutes.” The second submarine is currently under construction at Wuyi’s basement factory.

Think I’ll pass on that one as well…

 

And finally:

Up North

A chocolate shop in Yorkshire is offering sweet-toothed travellers the opportunity to spend the night in their factory during Easter.

The “chocolate suite” – on offer from today until April 8, courtesy of the Little Chocolate Shop in Leyburn – features edible furnishings, a chocolate fountain and a fancy dress box filled with Wonka-esque accessories, aprons and toques.

Guests will be free to watch chocolate being made in the factory, before ending their stay with a chocolate breakfast.

However, they are advised to be out of bed by 10am, when the factory begins accepting visitors on regular tours. The chocolate furnishings, which include plants and ornaments, are restocked each day.

Num, nun, mind you if you live dahn in the Smoke apparently the train fare will be £240 or more.....

 

That’s it: I’m orf to capture some Carbon

And today’s thought:

Spectator sport.

Angus  

Toeing the line: Snooper blooper: Man bites dog: Hand in your headlight holders: Big snake in the Big Apple: and Bear faced intruder.

Cold and clement at the Castle this morn, just returned from the stale bread, gruel and his Maj’s food run dahn Tesco-usual chaos-and as I passed the go-juice bit I see that unleaded has reached £1.40 per litre and the oily stuff is even more expensive.

While I dusted the fire yestermorn I had a bit of a shock-as it is that week where being nailed to several large bits of wood seems to be in certain people’s minds I noticed that the face of him upstairs has appeared on a bit of my coal-oh-err-holy coal hole?

Meanwhile according to ‘experts’ over the pond

Politicians with large big toes are more likely to succeed at the ballot box, American academics from the University of Strangersbarre, writing in the Journal of Biomechanical Politics, claimed to have established a striking relationship between the electoral success of politicians and the length of their largest foot phalange.

Five hundred and eighty seven politicians, mostly at state-level politics, participated in the research. Their careers were monitored over a period of ten years after initial measurements were taken in 1998.

"Our study has shown toe size can be a surprisingly important factor in the career success of a politician," lead researcher Professor Kham Elto said.

Which explains why the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition all have small feet...

 

And U-Turn Cam is in a bit of bovver

Over the half arsed plans for a major expansion of the Government's powers to monitor the email exchanges and website visits of every person in the UK.

Under legislation expected in next month's Queen's Speech, internet companies will be instructed to install hardware enabling GCHQ - the Government's electronic "listening" agency - to examine "on demand" any phone call made, text message and email sent, and website accessed, in "real time" without a warrant. 

That’s me buggered then...

East to the place where they nailed a certain person to several lumps of wood

Officials in Kfar Saba, Israel, have a bone to pick with an unruly suspect after the man bit the police dog sent into a cell to subdue him.

The man was initially detained by authorities for breaching a restraining order issued by his spouse. After the police showed up at the woman's home, the suspect reportedly threatened to jump out of a window and attempted to assault an officer with a screwdriver, according to Ynetnews.com.

After the officers took the suspect to the station, he again became unruly, which prompted them to send in the dog. While the canine cop managed to bring down the man, the suspect still managed to chomp down on the animal's ear.

The suspect kept biting the dog's ear until cops finally pried his jaws away and shepherded the German Shepherd away from its attacker, according to the Jerusalem Post.

Police said the dog suffered very minor injuries to its ear, and has already received treatment.

Num, num...

Back in bra-less Blighty

British charity Oxfam is calling on women in the UK to donate their unwanted bras to help females in West Africa.

British women are hoarding nearly STG1.2 billion ($A1.85 billion) worth of unworn bras, or nine each, according to Oxfam.

The charity's Big Bra Hunt aims to collect one million bras during April with the support of celebrities including Dame Helen Mirren, Zoe Ball and Miquita Oliver.

Many of the bras will be sold in Oxfam's high-street shops across the UK to raise money for the charity's work worldwide. Others will be sent to the charity's Frip Ethique (ethical second-hand clothing) project in Senegal.

A poll for Oxfam found that one-third of all women who have bras they no longer wear keep them because they forget they own them. Ten per cent did not know charities accepted second-hand bras.

Oxfam said the complex manufacturing required to make bras meant very few developing countries produced their own, making them one of the most desirable items in West African second-hand clothing markets.

 

Hanging out in Africa?

Left across the big salty thing

A prehistoric monster snake is making a quick stopover in New York City's Grand Central Terminal.

The full-scale replica of the Titanoboa ty-(tan-uh-BOH'-ah) was unveiled Thursday as a promotion for an exhibition at the Smithsonian's National Museum of Natural History in Washington, D.C.

When it roamed the Earth, the snake was 48 feet long and weighed 2,500 pounds.

Titanoboa was discovered in 2005 among a trove of fossils in one of the world's largest open-pit coal mines in Colombia. It lived more than 60 million years ago when dinosaurs no longer ruled.

The travelling exhibit runs from March 30 through Jan. 6, 2013. A special documentary will air on the Smithsonian Channel on April 1.

The giant reptile heads for Washington on Friday evening.

Good job it hasn’t got any toes-it could be the next President...

And finally:

Up a bit

Louis Reardon got the shock of his life when he leapt out of bed to his son's cries of "Polar bear!"

Mr Reardon said his 29-year-old son, Damien, woke up to the bear breaking open their dining room door in Newfoundland, Canada overnight.

The 55-year-old father said he fired two shots over the bear's head to frighten it.

"A polar bear doesn't usually back down," he said.

His cousin, Daniel Reardon, said the bear broke in doors at three other homes and killed sheep and ducks at a nearby stable without stopping to eat them.

Royal Canadian Mounted Police said wildlife officers shot the bear, which witnesses estimate weighed at least 135 kilograms.

 

Still, it will make a nice rug in front of the fire-but don’t forget to check out your coal...

That’s it: I’m orf to search for giant Octopuses in the moat-just in case.

And today’s thought:

Does my bum look big in this?

Angus  

Where’s you bin?: Dear dinner: More mash Vicar?: Maple syrup: and National cleavage day.

Cold, calm and still dry at the Castle this first of April morn, the garden is almost sorted, the Castle is shining like a new pin and his Maj has discovered the joy of pouncing on the stuff finally delivered by Royal Mail and shredding it before I can throw it in the recycling bin.

And talking of bins

It seems that local councils don’t want to take advantage of the £250 million discovered in Son of a B.......aronet (and alien reptile in disguise) George (my bins are emptied by servants) Osborne’s pants draw to reinstate weekly wheelie bin collections, but instead want to use the dosh to on schemes to increase recycling and collect only food scraps — not black bags — once a week. One even applied for money for a fleet of “low carbon” refuse trucks.

According to the Torygraph:

96 councils are not applying for funds. Most of them have already abandoned weekly collections, and 58 of the 96 are Conservative authorities

34 will apply for money but only to introduce weekly food waste collections, or increase the number of homes covered, rather than bring in a full service

31 wanted money for plans which will do nothing to bring back weekly collections, including sat nav systems for rubbish Lorries, more giant communal bins and even “nappy recycling” schemes

Two councils were in the process of ditching weekly collections — but were still applying to the scheme for funding for weekly food collections

Only 17 authorities which currently have full weekly collections said they would apply for money to guarantee their future.

Oh dear, what a “Pickle” Eric.......

Left to the place where the unsinkable never reached

A restaurant in Houston is offering what it calls the Titanic Experience: a 10-course meal comprised of similar dishes served to the ill-fated ship's first class passengers the night they met their demise-allegedly.

The whole event lasts for four hours, from the wine and beef appetizer to the after dinner cheese. To make the experience even more authentic, guests are given the chance to sample a bottle of Armagnac brandy from the year 1900 by the end of the night.

Cullen's restaurant special Titanic package was created to commemorate the 100th anniversary of the ship's sinking on April 15 and will only set you back $12,000… 

Num, num, num-not….bit too much salt for me…

Up North 

A vicar claims a potato got stuck up his bottom after he fell on to the vegetable while hanging curtains in the nude.

The clergyman, in his 50s, told medical staff at Sheffield's Northern General Hospital that the accident was definitely not due to a sex game.

He had to undergo surgery to extract the spud from his backside, according to The Sun.

A&E nurse Trudi Watson said: 'He explained to me, quite sincerely, he had been hanging curtains naked in the kitchen when he fell backwards on to the kitchen table and on to a potato.

'But it's not for me to question his story.'

And we all know that the clergy don’t tell lies…..

Left again and up a smidge

Apparently there is plenty of go-juice in Canada but a dearth of maple syrup, an unseasonably warm winter is being blamed for a maple syrup shortage in much of North America this year, and with a number of maple syrup festivals taking place in coming weeks true connoisseurs of Canadian cuisine and culture are beginning to panic. 

Mind you if that’s how they collect it no wonder there’s not a lot of it-I suggest that they fill up jerry cans just in case...

And finally:

Back in pert Blighty

Yesterday a harem of scantily-clad women strolled down Oxford Street in nothing more than their underwear.

The gang risked causing a pile-up on the busy road as they merrily flaunted their bodies in a variety of lingerie.

The stunt marked the opening of the new Ann Summers store on nearby Wardour Street, as well as National Cleavage Day this Saturday.

NCD is held annually to celebrate women's independence and power in their careers and relationships.

The recruited crew came in all shapes and sizes to show prospective Ann Summers customers that there's something for everyone inside its new store.

 Why do I keep missing these things?

That’s it: I’m orf to check out my apps

And today’s thought:

Keep an eye out for spaghetti trees

Angus

BMW box bangers: Care from a Virgin: Barmy burglars: Eat me: Neutrino Numpty: and Smokin Dahn Unda.

A definite lack of vertical distance in the liquid metal gauge at the Castle this morn, the big warm yellow thing has been replaced with lots of opaque sky stuff, the butler is back to shoving fat, carbon neutral teenagers into the furnace and his Maj has discovered the joy of waiting for me to “cultivate” the borders and then leaving me a present.

To all those plonkers who didn’t panic but rushed to their nearest go-juice station to “top up” their tanks-you have been had by the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition who has raked in quite a lot of loot from human nature...

Still in battery powered Blighty

BMW is recalling more than 100,000 cars in the UK due to a battery problem which could in extreme cases cause a fire.

A BMW spokesman said it was recalling 109,000 5 Series and 6 Series models in the UK because of "an issue with a battery cable cover which, in a small number of cases, has been incorrectly fitted. In rare cases this could result in owners not being able to start their vehicle. In extremely rare cases the electrical system could malfunction, leading to a scorching of the boot floor and a fire may result. This issue has come to light through the continuous testing and development of BMW vehicles and some customer feedback.”

No accidents or injuries to a person have been reported. The number of cars affected by this recall during the seven-year time frame in the UK is 109,000. Owners of affected cars will be contacted in the coming weeks and asked to arrange a visit to their dealer.

Any concerned BMW 5 Series and 6 Series owners should contact the BMW customer service number on 0800 325600.

Should have gone to Honda...

Despite “promises” that the NHS would not be privatised

Thousands of patients are to be cared for by staff working for a private company after Virgin Care finalised the biggest outsourcing deal yet for running day-to-day NHS services.

The company, part-owned by Sir Richard Branson's Virgin Group, has signed a £500 million, five-year contract to run a wide variety of community health services in Surrey.

Virgin Care will take over the running of Surrey Care Services, part of NHS Surrey, the local primary care trust.

Responsibilities include running eight community hospitals, where elderly people often recover after an operation, before being sent home.

Virgin Care will also provide community nursing - helping people stay at home, or providing end-of-life care - and health visitors for parents with young babies.

Other services being outsourced include breast cancer screening, sexual health clinics, specialist dental work, physiotherapy and rehabilitation.

About 2,500 NHS staff will be transferred to Virgin Care, although an NHS Surrey spokesman said there would be "no change" to their pay and conditions.

A joint statement from NHS Surrey and Virgin Care claimed: "This is essentially a transfer of management and follows national guidance that allows the trust to focus on developing, buying and managing the performance of services, leaving the provider to concentrate on delivering services."

Anne Walker, chief executive of NHS Surrey, described it as "excellent news for patients, carers and staff".

Yeah right...tell us that in a year or so when the “truth” comes out...

Up a smidge to Essex

Plod has come up with a cunning plan to prevent burglaries-by breaking into people’s homes.

Police in Shoebury, Essex, have been going round testing doors and windows of houses to check if they have been left unlocked - and if they find an easy way in they will wake up the household to warn them their house is insecure.

The new police campaign is aimed at warning people of the dangers of late-night break-ins.

 

That should make some poo come out....

Right to the land of Fallic Glu

At the 'Salon du Chocolat' in Bordeaux, France chocolate dresses are on show.

Num. Num, num and don’t forget that according to “experts” eating choccy will make you slim...

Up a bit to where faster than light is the norm

Antonio Ereditato CERN’s project's coordinator has disappeared at less than the speed of light after they discovered that neutrinos don’t blow Einstein’s theory into the past.

Probably some biscuit crumbs in the works-again...

And finally:

Dahn Unda and right a bit

New Zealand's first cannabis club has installed a vending machine to dispense the drug.

The club, the Daktory in the West Auckland suburb of New Lynn, has been using the machine to avoid any members being charged for dealing in the drug.

The hired vending machine, usually filled with toys or confectionery, sells one gram bags of cannabis for $NZ20 ($15.70), the AucklandNow website reports.

The Daktory opened in November 2008, but after its founder Dakta Green was jailed in June 2011 for possessing, selling and allowing the warehouse to be used for drug taking, its doors closed.

It has since been used as the headquarters for the National Organisation for the Reform of Marijuana Laws (Norml).

However, Norml president Julian Crawford confirmed the Daktory club was again open for business.

Mr Crawford said the vending machine has been a “hit” with guests.

Sounds a bit potty to me....

That’s it: I’m orf to tot up Super Earths

And today’s thought:

Private health care

Angus

Elf and biscuits: Barmy Medical Association: Wiped out: Asbo Numpty: Horsing around: and Naked golfers.

Not a lot of temperature at the Castle this morn, and allegedly it will be the last day of clement weather for a while, as I have sorted out the garden and we could do with some sky water I don’t mind that much but I think we will be left wanting.

While my shopping costs have risen by fifty percent over the last year

It seems that some departments attached to the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition have been splashing out on fripperies.

The Dept of ‘Elf has ordered an “urgent review” after it was revealed that it spent more than £100,000 in three months on "tea and biscuits".

Silly Billy’s crowd managed to piss away £214,059 for refreshments at the Home Office.

The Department for Culture, Media and Sport planted £3,527 on cut flowers and pot plants and the Foreign Office and its trading arm FCO Services exported £151,990 on taxi contracts over four months last year.

But apparently back at the Dept of Elf they have an excuse-a spokesman insisted the £109,017 biscuit bill was a marked improvement on the first three months of last year when officials managed to spend £137,000 on light refreshments and in 2010 when the spending reached £194,000.

And the ever useful Tory reason-"This spending relates to a hospitality contract that was started in 2005 under the previous administration”.

Oh well, that’s alright then....

Staying on the ‘Elf theme

Routine operations and doctor's appointments may be cancelled for 24 hours if doctors vote to take industrial action over pensions, the British Medical Association said on Thursday night.

Although the BMA's leaders ruled out a total strike, for reasons of patient safety, they have always made clear all other options were on the table. Stopping all but emergency work was the most radical possibility.

Allegedly "The action would be likely to involve the postponement of routine operations and non-urgent outpatient appointments in hospitals. GP practices would remain open and staffed so they could see patients in need of urgent attention, but routine, non-urgent appointments would not be available on the day of action." 

That’ll really hurt the BUPA enrolled rich gits in the cabinet....

And Auntie is axing Total Wipeout

The show, hosted by Amanda Byram and Top Gear's Richard Hammond, will return for one more series in its usual teatime Saturday slot before being shelved.

A BBC spokesperson said: 'After four very successful series of Total Wipeout - and one series of Winter Wipeout - the BBC has taken the decision that the next series, due to transmit later this year, will be the last.'

Total Wipeout sees 20 contestants kitted out with elbow pads and a helmet as they attempt to navigate a padded assault course without plummeting into water below, with rounds including Sucker Punch, the Cradles of Doom and the notoriously tricky Big Red Balls.

Which will leave us with:

1.    18:00–19:00

Winter Wipeout (for a while)
Celebrity Special 2

12/12. Celebrities including Terry Christian and Sophie Anderton tackle the obstacle course.

19:00–20:20

The Voice UK
Blind Auditions 2

The coaches battle it out to win over the most outstanding voices for their team.

20:20–21:10

The National Lottery: In It to Win It
31/03/2012

Five contestants compete to win a big money jackpot. Includes the weekend Lottery draws.

21:10–22:00

Casualty
Series 26, Saturday Night Fever

29/41. Jordan's date with Yvonne is put on hold when a former patient nearly dies in the cells.

22:00–22:20

BBC Weekend News
31/03/2012

National and international news from the BBC.

22:20–23:45

Match of the Day
2011/2012, 31/03/2012

Gary Lineker presents highlights including QPR v Arsenal and Wolves v Bolton.

23:45–01:05

The Football League Show
2011/2012, 31/03/2012

Manish Bhasin presents highlights from a vital afternoon at Upton Park.

Oh joy....worth every penny of my license fee....

Right a bit to the place next to Germany

A wealthy oil sheik managed to write orf his brand new Aston Martin worth nearly a quarter of a million pounds on the way to a business meeting.

The multimillionaire from Kuwait, 37, took his £200,000 wheels for a drive in between meetings when he veered off the road as he tried to overtake a cyclist with another car coming towards him in the other direction.

With the car burst into the flames after it came to a stop, the driver was fortunate enough to scramble free in time before flames engulfed the vehicle to ash.

It took 55 fireman two hours to bring the blaze under control in the Austrian capital Vienna and what was remaining among the debris of the car was just the engine and four wheel hubs.

Still when he gets home he can take out the Bentley Continental GT he has in his garage...

Somewhere on our planet.

A brainless Pillock decides to slap a horse on the rump-and gets his just reward.

And finally:

Over in Essex

A World record was set yesterday by 30 people who played miniature golf naked to raise money for charity.

The event, held at Adventure Island on Southend seafront, Essex, set the new world record of the most naked people to play miniature golf in one hour.

The participants raised more than £3,000 for The Prostate Cancer Charity.

Adventure Island managing director Marc Miller said: “It’s been an absolutely superb day with people all enjoying the chance to do something memorable, have good fun and raise a large amount of money for a fantastic, charity, of which we are proud to be patrons.

“People have travelled from all over the UK to take part – from as far afield as Durham, Devon and Birmingham – and we’ve heard some amazing stories from so many who have been directly, or indirectly, affected by cancer and wanted to give something back.”

Good for them-let’s hope they hit the right balls....

That’s it: I’m orf to count stars

And today’s thought:

Cabinet meeting.

Angus

Pasty faced Pillock: Plods ‘leeking’ cash: Piste over prayers: Pay, pensions and petrol: and Taxing crap.

A lack of height in the liquid metal gauge, but it is still nice, sunny and calm at the Castle this morn.

Woke up this day to find that the one remaining brain cell has managed to fire itself up; so instead of a three cylinder two stroke DKW it has returned to a V8 Asbo Martin -took long enough...

Just returned from the stale bread, gruel and pussy food run dahn Tesco-the go-juice forecourt was heaving with a bit to spare at 07.30-I see that no one is panicking then...

Nice to be back though.

As we all know U-Turn Cam is an idiot

But it seems he is exceeding even his Piss Poor standards.

Not only is he facing the wrath of the pie gobblers over VAT on ‘warm’ food, but has plunged what is left of Blighty into a panic over flammable liquid in large boxy vehicles.

But should we really be surprised; so far he has managed to bring the economy to a standstill, raise taxes for ordinary folk while reducing them for the rich, is about to privatise the NHS and the roads, and along with the rest of the Millionaires Club Coalition has reduced our warm and dry island to a third world country.

Still, at least he hasn’t taxed air-------yet...

Meanwhile:

Up in Warwickshire

Plod has “lost” £113,000 seized from criminals in 2009 from a "secure storage area" in the village of Leek Wootton.

The force, suspecting it may have been taken by a police officer, set up a secret investigation in an attempt to catch the culprits. But after a six-month inquiry no one has been caught and the force has decided to go public with an appeal for information.

That really gives one confidence in the Woodentops...

Right to the high, cold bit of part of what is left of Europe

It seems that the Duck and Duckess of the place that isn’t Oxford have decided that going on the piste is more important than attending Friday's service of thanksgiving for Queen Elizabeth the Queen Mother and Princess Margaret at St George’s Chapel, Windsor.

Nice to see that holidays come before duty....

And back to the go-juice crisis

Moves to start peace talks aimed at averting a strike by fuel tanker drivers will be stepped up today amid fears that panic buying of petrol will escalate.

Many garages have reported long queues after Cabinet Office Minister Francis Maude suggested drivers should fill up any spare jerry cans with petrol and keep them in garages.

But another Government minister admitted Mr Maude had made a "mistake" after fire safety experts warned of the dangers of storing petrol.

Conciliation service Acas is trying to convene talks between the Unite union and seven companies involved in the dispute over terms and conditions and safety.

Sales of petrol were up 45% on Tuesday and diesel was up 20%, in what appeared to be a sign of panic-buying by motorists, with the trend seeming to continue last night.

Unite has not set any strike dates and has been stressing its willingness to negotiate.

 Let’s put this into perspective, there are about 10,000 tanker drivers in privatised Blighty, on average they earn about £45,000 to £50,000 a year and are thinking of striking over ‘pay, pensions, safety and “job insecurity” ’.

Join the other sixty three million in the same club chaps....

And finally: 

Right quite a lot to one of the “Stans”

Kazakh farmers have voiced their opposition to the country’s new ecological legislation that imposes taxation on livestock manure, which has been declared an environmentally harmful substance, local television channel 31 said.

All livestock is currently being registered at the expense of the owners for manure taxation purposes, the channel said on Tuesday.

“We’d prefer if the state encouraged people to take up animal husbandry, rearing livestock for meat and milk,” farmer Viktor Khilchenko was cited as saying.

The annual payment will be moderate, costing under 1,600 tenge ($11) per ton of manure, a local official told the channel. The new Environmental Code, which came into force earlier this year, treats manure as a waste product and not a fertilizer.

Local rights groups will campaign to have the law overturned, the report said.

This is not the first attempt by Kazakhstan to tax manure. In 2003, authorities in the eastern part of the country unsuccessfully tried to impose a similar law, saying it will prevent local settlements from being clogged with livestock by-products.

Hope son of a B....aronet and alien reptile in disguise George (the public pays for my go-juice) Osborne doesn’t read this....

That’s it: I’m orf to check out J1120+0641’s carbon footprint.

And today’s thought:

 One can always hope.

Angus

Turning the corner- In more ways than one

Warm, calm and very clement at the castle this morn; after the recent bout of the Fallic Glu I had two choices-sit back and wait for it to depart, or go for it and work it orf-I chose the latter.

We all have one corner of the garden that has become a place to hide away all those bits where hidden things accumulate, and the Castle is no exception, so below is the story of “turning the corner”.

 If you want a closer look click on the pics...

First select your corner-about 8'x 8'

Then clear out all the rubbish-with help from his Maj

After that clear out even more rubbish

Then empty out the compost bin

Level orf the site-with more help from his Maj

Erect the bamboo screen

A bit more levelling

Re-use all the bits of stone, rocks and broken slabs and put up a trellis.

Plant some growing things and find a new home for the statue

Then take all the unwanted stuff to the ‘recycling centre’

Sit back and admire the weeks work....

And I even feel better-apart from a dodgy back, dickey hip and more than a touch of “tennis elbow”

But it was worth it.

Angus