Educating retirement: “Transparent” Warsi: How to lick the heat: Handy stunt: $500 dollar: and tinned Hedgehog.

Sunny, calm, dry and hot, even hotter than hot, more heat than you could shake an ice cream at, at the Castle this hot morn.

Managed to bang the right elbow on a door frame yestermorn and spent ten minutes jumping up and down shouting “oh bother that really hurt”, still humping the bleedin watering can around the grounds, and talking of “Hump” I see that the geriatric crooner managed to make second to last place at the Eurobollocks song contest, no surprise there then....

Allegedly ‘Sir’ and ‘Miss‘are leaving classrooms in droves

The number of teachers quitting before reaching retirement age has reached a record high, as thousands of staff are driven out by plummeting morale and stiffer pension rules.

Apparently the number of "early retirements" due to ill-health and teachers opting to leave before their official retirement date soared to 9,370 last year, accounting for almost half the numbers retiring from schools in England. The total was 1,500 up on the figure for 2009/10, and double the number recorded in 1998/99.

According to teaching unions the hard evidence of teachers voting with their feet underlined complaints they had made about deteriorating pay and pension arrangements, and government measures, including tougher targets and the possibility of regional and performance-related pay.

But officials suggested the rise in people quitting was partly explained by a "bulge" in teachers who joined the profession in the 1970s coming to retirement at the same time.

Ah-the old bulging teachers excuse...

Up in the smoke

The Baroness who likes to tell us the Tory party is the most transparent ever born and that we should be grateful for its Piss Poor Policies is in a bit of bovver.

Warsi apologised last night for the breach of parliamentary guidelines by not declaring thousands of pounds in rent on a flat she owns in London NW from which oodles of dosh was pocketed, “blaming “an oversight, for which I take full responsibility”. However, she claimed she had paid tax on the rent.

Oh well that’s alright then-isn’t it?

Norf of the border

Libby the lioness was seen happily licking a giant ice cube at Blair Drummond Safari Park in Scotland.

Her mate-Dudley however didn’t quite get the idea and decided to attack it, while little Libby gave up and went for a nice cool shower instead.

Bless...

East to the land of noisy films and tea

Back in 2009 students at a school in the Indian state of Tamil Nadu allegedly pressured school officials to let a martial artist run over their outstretched hands with a motorcycle.

The event which took place on July 15, 2009, led to a ban of these types of “risky stunts and packages” across all 50,000 of the state’s schools.

Apparently, a lot of the parents consented to the event, stating that their children were trained in the martial arts.

The relative of a government minister eventually got wind and, after complaining, got the event shut down. 

Now that’s what I call education, a whole classroom of Cupid Stunts

West to the home of the panhandler and the land of the litter lout

A Cleveland man was busted for littering after he dropped a $1 bill on the ground.

John Davis said he stretched his arm out his car window to hand some money to a wheelchair-bound beggar at a highway exit ramp. Davis said he felt for the man, who was holding a sign that read, "Jesus loves you. Please help."

He rolled up some bills lengthwise and held them out. One of the bills fell to the ground, and the indigent man picked it up.

A short time later, a cop pulled Davis over and ticketed him for the offence of "Throw paper out window," and in parenthesis, "money to panhandler," the report said.

The combined fine and court costs could tally $500, and the would-be Good Samaritan told Fox 8 he plans to challenge the ticket in court.

Nice to see that American cops are just as Piss Poor as ours...

And finally:

Back in Blighty where Folks are still Nor

A hedgehog was found with his head firmly wedged inside an empty tin of carrots.

The hapless hog was discovered by a couple with his head wedged in the can on the side of a road in King's Lynn, Norfolk.

At first they thought the hedgehog might be dead but then he suddenly moved.

The couple could not remove the hedgehog themselves but cut off the other end of the tin can to allow the hedgehog to breathe and then contacted the RSPCA.

Alison Charles, manager of the RSPCA East Winch centre, said: "Had this hedgehog not been found he would have died a slow and painful death

The hedgehog had minor injuries including a wound to his left axilla (armpit), a grazed foot from scratching at the tin and a slight swelling under his chin.

Ms Charles added the hedgehog is doing well despite his ordeal.

And has decided that vegetarianism is dangerous....

That’s it: I’m orf to do a bit of joyless shopping

And today’s thought:

making friends at the Olympics

Angus

Water, water everywhere-but not in Sarf-East Water’s area: NIMBY May: Too fat to compete: Paoletto and El Papa: No austerity in Monaco: Those who live in glass houses: Tea tips: and Stuck with stolen loot.

A touch more than warm at the Castle this morn, his Maj is already settled in the shady corner, still humping the watering can around the grounds, the Honda is covered in even more yellow stuff than before, and I spent most of yesterday picking things up that had been blown orf the windowsills by the wind. 

As you may know we have a hosepipe ban dahn ‘ere in ‘Ampshire

And if you click on this link you can read Sarf-East Water’s rules.

South East Water gives notice that, pursuant to sections 76 and 76A-C of the Water Industry Act 1991, it prohibits from the beginning of 5 April 2012, throughout its entire area of supply (extending across parts of Kent, Surrey, Sussex, Hampshire and Berkshire), the following uses of potable water supplied by it (that is water treated to drinkable standards).

Couple of sentences caught my eye:

Banned:

(f) Drawing water, using a hosepipe, for domestic recreational use (whatever that may be).

h) Filling or maintaining an ornamental fountain (including a cascade or any other display of moving water, and includes filling by permanent plumbing)

Not banned:

ii) watering a garden attached to a domestic dwelling or watering plants on domestic premises using a hosepipe, by people with severe mobility problems who hold a current Blue Badge as issued by their local authority; (how?)

iv) Using a hosepipe to water an area of grass or outdoor artificial surfaces used for sport or recreation, where this is required in connection with a national or international sports event;

v) drip or trickle irrigation watering systems, fitted with a pressure reducing valve and a timer, that are not handheld, that place water drip by drip directly onto the soil surface or beneath the soil surface, without any surface run off or dispersion of water through the air using a jet or mist;

Definitions:

(a) using a hosepipe to include both drawing water supplied by South East Water at the time of the prohibition through a hosepipe from a container and also filling or partly filling a container with such water by means of a hosepipe;

(b) garden to include a park, gardens open to the public, a lawn, a grass verge, an area of grass used for sport or recreation, an allotment garden as defined in section 22(1) of the Allotments Act 1922, any area of allotment used for non-commercial purposes and any other green space; and

(c) health and safety to include removing or minimising any risk to human or animal health or safety and preventing or controlling the spread of causative agents or disease.

The topping up of an established domestic pond is also permitted if the welfare of fish in the pond is at risk.

For the purposes of the prohibitions relating to the use of a hosepipe, the prohibitions apply whether or not any device such as a sprinkler is attached to the hosepipe.


Any person who contravenes any of these prohibitions is guilty of an offence, and is liable on summary conviction to a fine not exceeding £1,000.

 

Now you know…

Up in the Smoke

Our beloved Home Secretary Theresa May (or probably won’t) is drawing up contingency plans to cope with a possible large increase in immigration from Greece if the euro collapses.

She said "trends" were being examined to see whether immigration was rising from countries with stricken economies.

If the single currency breaks up, people looking for work abroad may see Britain as an attractive alternative as it is a non-eurozone country.

Har, fucking har.....

Allegedly a “high-ranking person” in what is left of British athletics

Reckons that Jessica Ennis who is 5ft 5in, weighs 8st 13lb is “fat and she’s got too much weight.” along with Louise Hazel who is 5ft 6in and weighs 8st 11lb is also “fat”.

Nice to see that we are encouraging our Olympic hopefuls...wish I was that fat...

East to the state that isn’t

Vatican police have arrested Pope Benedict XVI's personal butler following an investigation into the leaking of sensitive church documents.

The butler, identified as Paolo Gabriele, 40, was held by gendarmes after a special commission of three top senior cardinals had been appointed by the Pope to identify the source of the leaks which have caused severe embarrassment.

Mr Gabriele, who has been at the Pope’s side for six years, is one of the German born pontiff’s closest members of his inner circle which totals just four lay people and four nuns. Vatican sources said the Pope had been ''deeply pained and struck'' by the arrest of the man who has been a constant presence at his side

It is believed that Mr Gabriele, who is known by the nickname Paoletto (little Paul) was held as he arrived for work at the Papal apartments in the Apostolic Palace behind St Peter’s and on Friday he was being held in custody – the first time in years the Vatican jail had been used.

Dozens of documents including private letters to the Pope have found themselves into the hands of the Italian media in what has been dubbed Vatileaks, a play on the Wiki Leaks website.

The documents show how contracts were awarded to favoured companies and individuals and also highlight allegations of internal power struggles with the Vatican’s bank known as the Institute for Religious Works.

 I must check out the butler’s bureau...

Left a bit to the fastest b road in the world

The Fairmont hotel in Monaco is offering F1 fans the chance to enjoy the Monaco Grand Prix without even leaving the building.

Snag is-it doesn't come cheap. The most expensive package overlooking the famous Fairmont hairpin bend costs £24,000 for four nights – and that doesn’t even include evening meals.

The last remaining room was snapped up three weeks ago and the hotel is now fully booked.

Oh well. I’ll stay in the Castle and watch it on the box then...

East to the place that definitely isn’t radioactive

Architect Sou Fujimoto has used modular tables in creating a see-through house.

The 914 square-foot, three-storey house is made entirely of glass walls.

Fujimoto said he was inspired by a concept of a tree: “The intriguing point of a tree is that these places are not hermetically isolated, but are connected to one another.”

 How amazing-is that a 2CV?

 

Don’t know what to do with those old tea bags?

Here are a few tips:

Black tea could be the answer to curing sunburn. Gently applying chilled black tea to the affected area will help soothe the skin, and the tea’s tannins can help speed the body down its road to recovery.

Cooled chamomile tea also has anti-inflammatory properties that can help treat skin affected by sunburns and irritants like poison ivy.

Applying a used tea bag to a sore mouth can help relieve the area and reduce inflammation by soaking up excess saliva. Biting down on the bag can also keep a wandering tongue from ‘pestering’ the wound

And adding a few cups of brewed black tea to a marinade will help tenderize beef before cooking.

Put some dry tea bags in running shoes or a smelly gym bag when not in use. The tea bags will help absorb the musky scents while imparting some of their own.

Dye your fabrics-to give them an antique or sepia tinge.

Feed your plants-break open the bags and sprinkle the tea around the soil of the plant or brew the tea a second time and water the plants with weak tea-This works best with acid-loving plants, like roses.

 There you go-and you can even drink the stuff....

And finally: 

Back in bollixed up broken Blighty

Three bandits were foiled in the Smoke when their attempt to pry open a stolen cash box ran up against a new security system that covered the bills with glue.

Baffour Amponsah, 25, Brian Ocaya, 28, and Daniel Collins, also 28, were part of a gang that ambushed a cash delivery man working for security company G4S in south London on Jan. 16, 2011. The group stole his cash box but ran into trouble when they retreated to a car park lot to try to open it.
Gavin Windsor, a G4S director, said the company's cash boxes had recently been fitted with a new security system which coats the bills with glue - along with dye and a colourless, traceable liquid known as "smart water" - if it is tampered with.

Very clever-but isn’t it illegal to deface Her Maj’s money?

That’s it: I’m orf to check out the moat for deep ocean stowaways

And today’s thought:

Cracking up at the Olympics

Angus

Dumb and dumber defence: Tell the truth: Zomerzet Elf and safety: Footbrawl: Big Oyster: and Ratty Hamelin.

A whimsy cooler at the Castle this morn, oodles of blue sky, the big yellow warm thing is once again climbing into the side opposite West and dawn’s crack showed itself many, many hours ago.

Getting fed up with humping the watering can around the grounds in the vain hope that “they” will do away with the hosepipe ban dahn ‘ere in ‘Ampshire, and I had to sleep in the sauna once known as “under the duvet” in order to prevent random attacks on my foot digits by his Maj.

And joy of joys the over clement atmospheric conditions will carry on next week.

Up in the smoke there is a typical Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition balls up

Apparently the Defence knobs are re-employing "thousands?" of civilians sacked by the Ministry of Defence as “consultants”.

While the MOD is supposed to “save” £4.1 billion and ‘lose’ 29,000 civilian jobs along with 25,000 military personnel an unknown number of ex Defence people (can’t tell you how many because the “MoD is “ not sure  how many former employees had been hired back as consultants.”) Are back on the payroll (after the Ministry of Dickheads shelled out £75 million in redundancy) at an estimated cost of £270 million to austerity blighted tax payers.

Nice to see that the PPPMCC is so competent...

In our dear old ailing NHS

Patients will be asked whether they would want their friends or family to be treated at their NHS hospital, with the results published to put pressure on the worst performing institutions, according to shit for brains U-Turn Cam.

NHS staff are already asked to take the “friends and family” test, but the Prime Monster will say that extending it to patients will bring benefits to the service.

The Prime Minister will also reveal a list of recommendations from nursing advisers on improving the quality of basic care patients receive.

In a letter to Dave the Nursing and Care Quality Forum made several other suggestions for improving basic care.

Ministers should ensure that nurses are “recruited for their caring nature and compassion as well as their knowledge and skills”, it said.

Hospital managers should also look at how nurses and their teams could use technology to free more time for caring, and to avoid patients being asked the same questions repeatedly.

Ward sisters and other senior nurses should be made more accountable for their clinical area, the panel added.

Please, please, please, if you are in ‘Orspital- tell the truth....

Dahn in Zomerzet

Traders in Burnham-on-Sea planned to hang several hundred feet of flags along the High Street to mark the Jubilee bank holiday event next weekend.

But Somerset County Council says every lamppost would have to be 'stress tested' to ensure they are strong enough to hold the decorations.

Town Clerk Eileen Shaw said: "I know there is an issue going on about the bunting and whether it can be put across the pavement and round the lighting columns.

"Personally, I would be worried about bunting going across the footway and back to the shops - the risk assessment would be worried. I know it's only minor but that's what happens these days."

Ah the old Elfandsafety Lamp post stress test ploy.....

Dahn Unda

Footbrawl was invented during the late 1980s as a training aid for martial arts students. Despite violence concerns, Footbrawl has been growing in popularity and may soon become an internationally played sport.

New Martial Arts Football, or Footbrawl, is a full contact sport in which participants have to fight to score and survive the game in one piece. As in many other sports around the world, the main goal of Footbrawl is to get the ball into the net and score more points than the opposing team.

We’ve had that for years in Blighty, it’s known as association football.

West more miles than the Olympic torch will travel

Richard Mesce, a retired navy pilot, has been searching for a big oyster since 2006 and he estimates he spent more than 100 hours over the last two years looking for the oyster by kayak, utilizing tide tables and also reading up on oysters.

And lucky old Dickey found one-Measuring 13 inches long and about 6 inches wide, the oyster is longer than the current recorded largest oyster, which measured in at 12 inches and 5.5 inches wide.

Since the oyster was covered by 8 inches of mud, Mesce guessed its age at about 80-years old. If the oyster really is the biggest, Mesce said Humboldt State University's Telonicher Marine Laboratory in Trinidad has agreed to keep the oyster in its aquarium and let it grow in a controlled environment.

"So, it'll stay the world's largest oyster," he said.

 Until a bigger one is found….

And finally: 

Right a smidge to the land that is a bit miffed with Greece

Apparently the German town of Hamelin is in need of a new Pied Piper again after a growing legion of rats managed to knock out one of the town's fountains.

Rats had "chewed through electricity cables" operating the fountain, said, Thomas Wahmes, spokesman for the town council, which stands outside the German town's railway station.

The rats' fondness for gnawing on cables has also led to occasional problems with traffic lights near the fountain.

Rats!

They fought the dogs and killed the cats,
And bit the babies in the cradles,
And ate the cheeses out of the vats,
And licked the soup from the cooks' own ladles,
Split open the kegs of salted sprats,

Made nests inside men's Sunday hats,
And even spoiled the women's chats,
By drowning their speaking
With shrieking and squeaking
In fifty different sharps and flats

Surprised they have enough water for a fountain...

That’s it: I’m orf to check the safety of me ‘elmet 

And today’s thought:

The Eton Olympic ice skating team

Angus

Mumbling idiot: Cupid stuntman survives: Tanks a lot: Finger wrestling: Android avatars: and Mechanical doors.

A whimsy cooler at the Castle this morn, there is a nice covering of cloud at the moment and the liquid metal gauge is reading in the mid seventies.

The Honda is covered in even more yellow stuff and his Maj has discovered the joy of lying in the bath to keep the heat at bay.

 

U-Turn Cam got in a touch of trouble during Prime Monster’s questions yesternoon-ish

Shit for brains Dave called Ed (starey eyes) Ball a “mumbling idiot” and was taken to task by Dopey speaker Bercow who told him to withdraw the remark as the word “idiot” was ‘unparliamentarily’.

A ''simple withdrawal'' would do, he said.

Shame Dave’s dad didn’t do that before he was conceived....

And cupid stuntman Gary Connery lives to jump another day

He managed to jump 2,400 ft from a helicopter and landed on a pile of cardboard boxes without using a parachute.

"I feel incredible, just completely elated," he told reporters, who had to put their buckets and shovels back in their motors.

Bet a lot of poo came out...

East to the place where Siberians live

The authorities have come up with a cunning plan to save money on children’s climbing frames.

Scattered around playgrounds are decommissioned ASU-85s and Т-62s Soviet tanks for kids to clamber upon.

They would have nicked them for scrap if that was Blighty...

West a smidge and dahn less than that

Lederhosen attired men gather in vast quantities for a lot of finger wrestling, competitors subject themselves to an intense regime of finger training in the build up to a tournament, with some preferring to squeeze tennis balls or holding their own body weight with a single finger, some insist that a series of one-finger press ups is the best method of strengthening.

 No wonder Europe is such a shit hole...

East again to the land of Russians

According to Dmitry Itskov and the people Russia 2045 immortality is just a smidge away, a team of real scientists working on a way to make us all immortal.

He used his ‘skills’ to create a social movement with the goal of connecting scientists, philosophers, visionaries and public figures to work on this common goal. They’ve already started working on androids, or human avatars, that will soon replace us physically, but carry on our spiritual and intellectual legacy.

By 2020, this robotic copy of a human being will be remote-controlled via BCI (Brain Computer Interface), and by 2025 we’ll be able to transfer a person’s brain into one of these avatars, after they die. By 2035 these androids will be so advanced they’ll be able to support a human’s personality as well, and finally, in 2045, humanity will have created holographic avatars able to carry our legacy beyond the stars and practically render us immortal.

 

Can’t wait...

And finally:

East even more and dahn a fair way

Japanese company Yuki Corp has “invented” the Auto Door Zero — the automatic door that needs no electricity to operate.

This automatic door uses the body weight of the person about to go in or out of the door. Those passing through it might notice that the floor just before the door sinks about two centimetres once they step forward. The rest is mechanical history.

 

And supersedes the door knob by a centimetre-or two...

That’s it: I’m orf to ask Google for a raspberry pi

And today’s thought:

Order; order...

Angus

Captive electorate: Infected NHS: Moving Museum: Drunk in Dubuque: Cupid stuntman: and a Sandwich and a bit-and a bit more-and even more...

Sunny, dry, calm and not very cool at the Castle this morn; and yes after only one day of solar stuff I am having a moan about the heat, had to sleep on top of the duvet last dark thing which his Maj took as an invite to attack my feet all night.

Still at least it isn’t raining....

I have sorted out the “router” problem by moving it up the spiral staircase and attaching it to my new Bluray/internet player-works a treat....

The European Court of ‘uman wrongs

Has decided that those who are banged up have the right to decide which of the members of the palace of Westminster will represent them.

Blighty has been given six months to lift its blanket ban on inmates voting despite that no balls David Cameron has said it makes him "physically ill" to contemplate such a move.

However the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition has won some concessions as the ECHR agreed with its argument that "each state has a wide discretion" as to how to regulate the ban and what type of offence should lead to disenfranchisement.

So the vote will only go to those who profess their total innocence-which is about 99%...

And all across the NHS

There is finally some good news-a drop in rates of the superbug MRSA and C. Difficile; unfortunately the bad news is that infections by salmonella and E.coli are on the rise.

Over the last five years, there has been a 35% increase in reports of E. coli blood infections, but apparently the ‘Orspitals aren’t to blame, it seems that a fifth of HCAIs (Health Care Acquired Infections) were present on admission to hospital.

That means that four fifths weren’t....

  

East to the land which invented everything

A museum is being moved lock, stock and barrel in China - on hundreds of steel wheel - 100 metres down the road.

The Yellow River Museum in Zhengzhou, Henan province was in the way of a new underground railway station.

But the building was considered too important to demolish for the city's new tube transport system.

So conservationists built a special track to wheel the 400 tonne building, centimetre by centimetre, on more than 300 steel wheels to its new site.

Inside, a steel framework supports the building to stop it collapsing in on itself as it moves.

Architect Zheng Jiatai explained: "The building is a mixture of Chinese and old Soviet Union styles which is unique.

"We could have taken it down brick by brick and rebuilt it, but the character would have changed forever."

 

Still be faster than Virgin trains...

 

A man gets into his pickup with a parrot and a zebra

And the punch line is-An Iowa man stopped outside a Dubuque bar with a small zebra and a parrot in his truck has been charged with drunken driving.

Officers arrested 56-year-old Jerald Reiter of Cascade on Sunday in the parking lot of the Dog House bar, where people had been taking photos of the animals.

Reiter says the zebra and macaw parrot are pets and like riding in the truck. Reiter claims he sometimes takes the animals into the bar, but the owner says they're not allowed inside.

Officers gave Reiter a field sobriety test and charged him with drunken driving. Reiter disputes the arrest. He says he was about to let a passenger, a person, begin driving.

 

The parrot probably has a higher IQ than “Jerald”....

And talking of cupid stunts

A stuntman will attempt to make aviation history later by becoming the first skydiver in the world to land without the use of a parachute.

Gary Connery, 42, from Oxfordshire, will leap from a helicopter a mile above Henley then glide towards a field using a specially adapted wing suit which will allow him to fly.

Moments before reaching the ground he will "flare" his suit to slow his descent to land safely on a "runway" of 18,000 cardboard boxes.

Mr Connery will approach his target at a glide-ratio of two-to-one - for every metre he falls, he flies forward two metres.

The landing strip will be 350ft-long, 40ft-wide and 12ft-deep. If he miscalculates his approach he will have a split second to abort the jump and deploy an emergency parachute.

If the jump goes wrong and he fails to react in time, he will miss the boxes and hit the ground. But Mr Connery insists he will be successful.

I do like an optimist... 

And finally:

Left to the home of the burger and the land of the fries

Weighing more than two stone and crammed with over 40 different cuts of meat, this carnivore's dream has been dubbed the world's meatiest sandwich.

Standing 1.2ft high and spanning 24 inches wide, it's estimated that it would take anyone hungry enough to take on the challenge over 10 hours to devour.

It contains 1.4kg of ham, 2kg of salami, turkey and bacon, 1kg of sausages, 720g of chorizo and just a sprinkling of salad.

The recipe for the meat creation is now available online for anyone wanting to take on the challenge themselves.

The monster meat masterpiece took chef Tristan Welch over four hours to create to mark the launch of reality TV programme Man vs. Food Nation on Food Network UK.

The food programme, which sees host Adam Richman taking on a series of outrageous eating challenges, has received a cult following since its launch in 2008.

Best advert for a diet I have seen...

That’s it: I’m orf to memorise some atoms 

And today’s thought:

Roll on the Olympics-again

Angus

Frack orf: Drought?-Nah-environmental stress due to rainfall deficit: Obama is a mug: Porsche v Porch: The Moray Moggie: and Badpuss.

Turned out nice at the Castle this morn, sunny, warm, dry and calmish, looks like I may be forced to get the sun-lounger out later, orf to what is left of the town when it opens to purchase a telephone socket after I destroyed one with the Hoover-I must wear my glasses when doing ‘ousework.

 

Apparently the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition

Has done yet another U-Turn, this time over fracking, because it will do little to cut bills or keep the lights on.

Allegedly industry experts made clear at a meeting attended by senior ministers, including U-Turn Cam and Ed Davey, the Lib Dem energy secretary that the UK's reserves were smaller than first thought and could be uneconomical to extract.

Today Mr Davey will publish the Government's long-awaited Energy Bill, promising that it will bring down energy bills and secure future supplies.

Well frack me...

 

And the Environment Agency

Has decided that we don’t have a drought anymore dahn ‘ere in ‘Ampshire, instead we are suffering from environmental stress due to rainfall deficit.

Which would distinguish small environmental impacts from emergencies that require drought orders, according to the stressed Environment Agency.

Ten days ago drought status was lifted in 19 areas of south-west England, the Midlands and parts of Yorkshire following persistent rainfall last month - the wettest April on record. These areas are now considered to be in "environmental stress due to rainfall deficit".

Areas across the south-east and east of England remain in drought environmental stress, with hosepipe bans in place.

 

Fuck orf.....

Dahn Unda

Barrack Obama has been smashed and buried in concrete, well 198 misspelled mugs have.

The government made 200 of the mugs to commemorate the president's planned visit to Australia in 2010, which was later cancelled. No mugs were created when the American president finally made it to Australia last year.

Only two of the mugs were ever sold from the Parliament House gift shop, including one to the journalist who reported that Obama's name had been misspelled.

"Due to the sensitivity associated with the mistake that was made with the president's name, the last thing we wanted was for the fragments to be found on a garbage tip somewhere," said Bronwyn Graham, the Parliament House official.

Now there’s an idea......

 

From the land that is conquering Europe for the third time

The Porsche 918 Spyder can accelerate from 0-62mph in less than three seconds, leaving most road supercars in its environmental dust.

But it is more economical than a Toyota Prius and its emissions are so low it will be exempt from the London congestion charge.

The ‘plug-in hybrid’ will be capable of 94miles per gallon making it twice as economical as a 1.6-litre Ford Focus. In comparison, a Toyota Prius will do 72.4mpg while the greenest version of Britain’s biggest selling car, the Ford Fiesta, manages 78.5mpg.

Its secret lies in its hybrid system where two electric motors generate power alongside a 4.6-litre engine.

Snags-It won’t be available until September 2013. Just 918 will be made and it will cost £670,000.

Think I’ll stick to the dusty Honda.

North of the border

A dog walker has stumbled upon the corpse of an animal experts believe may have been a puma near a Scottish beauty spot.

John Robertson, 50, was walking his two dogs along a rural path in Cullen, Moray, with his wife Pauline, on Monday when he found the remains of what appeared to be a cat the size of a large dog.

Just metres from the rotting corpse were the remains of what may have been its last meal – half a dozen mauled seagulls.

Mr Robertson, from Drybridge, Moray, said yesterday: “I was walking my two dogs on Monday morning when we came across all these dead birds scattered about everywhere.

“I couldn’t believe my eyes. I have never seen so many dead birds in one area. They were completely mauled; they had their guts totally ripped out of them lying on the ground.

“Then a little further on we came across a horrible rotting smell which was this big cat.

“It looks like it has feasted on the seagulls and maybe it has fallen down the cliff nearby, injured itself and just lay there till it died.”

But despite its 18-inch-long tail and its sharp teeth, Mr Robertson claimed the animal was a cub.

He said: “If you see its skin, its jet black and I actually think it’s a juvenile.

“I didn’t have a tape measure on me to measure the tail, but I’m a builder so I have a pretty good idea that it’s about 18 inches long, which is huge.

“I reckon it’s a cub – its teeth are too clean and there isn’t enough damage to them, which means they must be pretty new. If that’s a cub though, you can imagine how big its mother would be.

“I’m sure we’ll find out from the DNA tests what type of cat it is, but it certainly seems like one of the big cats.”

Bob Wallace, an expert with the Big Cats In Britain research group, is now studying the remains to determine what Mr Robertson found.

While the cat is not big enough to be an adult leopard or jaguar, Mr Wallace believes it is the right size to be a cub.

He said: “If it is a juvenile, it would have to be last year’s cub, as both leopards and jaguars mate between January and March.

No wonder it is dead-have you seen what seagulls eat.....

And finally:

Still in the land of the fried Mars bar

A photo of a loveable kitten taken by Roy McPeak at the Highland Wildlife Centre near Inverness.

Badpuss is a Pallas cat, usually found in China and Tibet.

Bless....

 

That’s it: I’m orf to fish for Robo-cod in the moat

And today’s thought for today:

Energy saving pussy:

Angus