Cold cuts: Car crash: Bulls’ Bollocks Beer: Parsnip poser: 'Pegomastax africanus': and Funny Honey.

Massive movements of atmosphere, bucketfuls of sky water, beneath contempt amounts of lack of warm and not a ray of solar stuff at the Castle this morn. 

Still putting coloured stuff on the walls and things (mainly the floors), still haven’t got the butler to fire up the furnace, and still watching the garden disintegrate “under the wevver”.

 

Staying on the meteorological thingy

Apparently scientists dahn on the sarf pole do-da are not happy snowpersons, a row has broken out over the fate of one of the country's most distinguished scientific organisations, the British Antarctic Survey. The 60-year-old outfit, whose achievements have included the discovery of the hole in the ozone layer, is to be merged with the National Oceanography Centre in Southampton as part of a cost-saving exercise.

The merger – which would create a Centre for Ocean and Polar Science based in Southampton – has been proposed to satisfy government demands for major cuts to be made in the budget of the Natural Environment Research Council (NERC), which funds the BAS. Science minister David Willetts wants a 10% cut in NERC expenditure and a 45% reduction in its capital spending by 2015. Polar research, which is costly, has been chosen to take a major hit.

But the downgrade threat has outraged scientists and politicians who say it will seriously weaken Britain's scientific reputation and its ability to carry out climate research.

 

Oh dear what a shame; I do climate research for free-just read the first sentence of this piss poor blog every day...

 

And all across traffic jam Blighty

 

 

A “Government advisor” has come up with a cunning plan to make the wevver better. Buyers of gas-guzzling sports cars and other large-engine vehicles would face a new purchase tax of up to £23,000.

Even the price of some small cars would rise by more than £1,500 in exchange for the abolition of annual Vehicle Excise Duty payments.

But buyers of new small efficient cars would get a government subsidy of up to £750, under the proposed rules, which are being promoted by the Liberal Democrats.

The proposals for vehicle taxation come as the Treasury considers the best way to reform or replace VED to respond to the increasing fuel efficiency of modern cars.

For instance, the purchase price of 1.25 litre petrol Ford Fiesta would rise from £9,084 today to £10,734. By contrast, a 1.6 litre diesel model of the same car would become cheaper, falling from £11,845 to £11,495.

Vehicles that currently have similar prices would diverge sharply under the new rules, Mr Leunig suggests. For example, he cites Ford and Chrysler people-carriers, currently both on sale for around £28,000.

Under the new scheme, the Chrysler would be £3950 more expensive than the Ford, because it has much higher emissions.

The biggest up-front subsidy of £750 would be applied to cars including the Toyota Yaris.

While the most-polluting cars would attract very large tariffs, with some Aston Martin models facing a new sales charge of £23,050.

Around 150 luxury models -- with total annual sales of around 5400 cars --would face a first registration fee of £10,000 or more, the report estimates.

 

The plan is put forward today in a think-tank paper written by Tim Leunig, who has recently been appointed a special adviser to the Government.

 

Bugger! I have been saving my pennies to buy a new Asbo Martin...should be able to get it in abaht two hundred and fifty years....

 

Left to the home of the six pack and the land of steaks

A US brewery which announced it was making beer out of bull testicles as an April Fool's Day stunt has now done it for real.

The Wynkoop Brewing Company, in Denver, Colorado, has named its creation Rocky Mountain Oyster Stout.

Head brewer Andy Brown said: "Yes, the beer was inspired by our April Fools spoof video this spring, in which we claimed to have released a beer made with bull testicles.

"When we sent out the press release and the video link last April, we heard from brewers and beer writers who thought the beer was for real and loved the idea.

"So we've turned our joke into a reality. We've been making ballsy beer for the past few years. And this is great proof of that."

Mr Brown described the beer as an "assertive foreign-style stout, slightly viscous, with a deep brown colour".

Rocky Mountain Oyster Stout, named after the local name for fried bull's testicles - a delicacy in Colorado, goes on sale at the brewery's pub in Denver on 8 October.

"It has equally deep flavours of chocolate syrup, Kahlua, and espresso, along with a palpable level of alcohol and a savoury umami-like note. It finishes dry and roasted with a fast-fading hop bite," he added.

 

Glad I don’t drink.

 

Back in bemused Blighty

Allegedly a survey has unearthed that one in five of us think that parsnips grow on trees.

According to the research, a worrying number of British grown-ups did not know that the root vegetable is grown underground.

Other figures dug up include 20% of adults who think that melons come from the ground.

And one in 20 believe they can find a Granny Smith in the potato aisle of a supermarket

To mark Potato Week, experts have now simplified how the veg is listed on shelves with signs stating “Fluffy”, “Salad” and “Smooth” so shoppers can select the right kind for their meals.

It comes as the poll of 2,000 Brits found half pick the wrong potato to roast.

More than a third can’t boil spuds without them crumbling or losing their shape and over a quarter ends up with lumpy mash.

Ms Evans added: “To get great results you need to pick the right type of potato.

 

Ye gods! Are we really that thick? Maybe the picture will educate the 20%.

 

Right a fair way and dahn more than a whimsy

 

A new species of puny dinosaur has been confirmed by researchers at the University of Chicago.

It has been named 'Pegomastax africanus' meaning 'thick jaw from Africa'.

The creature is so small it has taken decades to identity. The discovery was originally made in 1983 from a specimen found in a slab of red rock found in southern Africa in the 1960s.

Its size made Mr Sereno think whether "anyone else might spot the creature hiding among the lab drawers".

Pegomastax measures less than two feet (61cm) long and weighed less than a house cat.

It has been described as a cross between a bird, a porcupine and a vampire because of its fangs and blunt beak.

The creature belongs to a class of small herbivores called heterodontosaurus and lived around 200 million years ago.

 

Who’s not a pretty boy then...

 

And finally:

 

Over Le canal anglais

Bees at a cluster of apiaries in north-eastern France have been producing honey in mysterious shades of blue and green, alarming their keepers who now believe residue from containers of M&M's candy processed at a nearby biogas plant is the cause.

Since August, beekeepers around the town of Ribeauville in the region of Alsace have seen bees returning to their hives carrying unidentified colourful substances that have turned their honey unnatural shades.

Agrivalor, the company operating the biogas plant, said it had tried to address the problem after being notified of it by the beekeepers.

"We discovered the problem at the same time they did. We quickly put in place a procedure to stop it," Philippe Meinrad, co-manager of Agrivalor, told Reuters.

He said the company had cleaned its containers and incoming waste would now be stored in a covered hall.

Mars operates a chocolate factory near Strasbourg, around 100 km (62 miles) away from the affected apiaries.

 

M&M&M&M&M......

 

That’s it: I’m orf to test out Einstein’s theory

 

And today’s thought:

Two pints please landlord

 

Angus

He’s a poet-not: Back to basics: Virtual ID: Dead meat restaurant: All you can’t eat: 7 Election: and a Fishy tale.

Not much lack of cold, even less solar activity, a definite dearth of atmospheric movement and oodles of ex skywater at the Castle this morn.

Just returned from the stale bread, gruel and his Maj’s food run dahn Tesco, well every little helps considering their financial situation. 

Did even more coloured stuff application yesterday, I am knackered, today’s daily Dei decorating tip-pay someone else to do it....

 

And according to the Guardian

 

And Michael Gove, the education secretary reckons that primary school children should learn and recite poetry by heart as part of broader changes to the curriculum.

And to start them orf:

 

There was a young lady from Ealing

Who had a peculiar feeling

....

And:

There once was an MP called Hunt

Who was a really  daft.....

 

Today’s lesson is to finish orf the above limericks without using rude words...

 

All over our dear old NHS

 

Apparently patients are being treated so Piss Poorly because they are wrongly viewed by doctors and nurses as simply "medical conditions" to be dealt with rather than individual people.

According to the Royal College of Physicians medical staff frequently have such little time to deal with them, that patients' full medical and emotional needs are not met.

Patients are also being left in a high state of anxiety because staff do not talk to them enough.

The institution has joined forces with the Royal College of Nursing to publish new guidance today, urging hospitals to give the morning ward round the priority it deserves.

 

Not bad, it’s only taken them 60 bleedin years to realise that....still it’s not as if they are being paid to do their jobs...

 

And staying on the Piss Poor theme

Some gormless knobhead in the Millionaires Club Coalition sideboard has come up with a spiffing cunning plan.

A national identity scheme which will allow people to use their mobile phones and social media profiles as official identification documents for accessing public services.

Want a tax credit, fishing license or a passport?

Choose from a list of familiar on-line logins from social media sites, banks and supermarkets to prove who you are.

Once you have logged in correctly by computer or mobile phone, the site will send a message to the government agency authenticating that user’s identity.

The system will be trialled when the Department of Work & Pensions starts the early roll out of the Universal Credit scheme, a radical overhaul of the benefits system, in April.

Users who access the Government’s online one-stop-shop of public services will be asked to identify themselves by choosing one organisation from a selection of logos. (This feature is called a “Nascar screen”, in reference to the logo-filled livery of the famous American racing cars.)

 

Splendid; what could possibly go wrong?

 

Left a lot to fried chicken land

An eastern Kentucky health inspector says he has shut down a restaurant after finding Roadkill in its kitchen.

Paul Lawson told WYMT-TV that he went to inspect the Red Flower Chinese Restaurant in Williamsburg after customers complained to the health department that it appeared employees had brought in a dead animal. Lawson said he immediately shut the place down.

Lawson said the restaurant owner's son apparently picked a dead deer up from a roadside and brought it to the eatery. Lawson said the owner reported he didn't plan to serve the animal to customers; he planned to feed it to his family.

The inspector said the owner wasn't aware of health regulations, and will not face any fines.

He said the restaurant can reopen if it passes another health inspection.

Num, num...

 

 Back in bulky Blighty

 

And dahn to the sarf coast, friends George Dalmon and Andy Miles have been banned from an all-you-can-eat restaurant - for eating too much.

For two years, ex-rugby player George Dalmon and his friend Andy Miles helped themselves to five bowls of stir-fry each during their regular sessions at the Mongolian barbecue.

But now the ‘greedy’ pair has been banned – because the manager feared for his business.

They were called ‘a couple of pigs’ and told never to return to the Gobi in Brighton.

The manager, who did not want to be named, said: ‘Basically, they just come in and pig out.

‘We have put up with them for two years but I’ve had enough.

The restaurant invites customers to create their own dishes from the buffet.

The chef cooks it and diners are invited to go up ‘as many times as you wish’ for £12.

The manager said the voracious eaters stuck to water, they never ordered drinks and never paid the optional service charge.

He added: ‘We are not a charity, we’re a business. It’s our restaurant and we can tell people not to come back if we don’t want them to.’

 

Still all publicity is good publicity-isn’t it?

 

Back in the home of Presidents and the land of 7/Eleven

You go into a 7/Eleven, you buy coffee, and you choose a blue cup or a red cup.

7-Eleven tallies the results, and correctly predicts the US election. It's called 7-Election and it's worked since 2000.

The blue cup is for Democrats and the red cup for Republicans. In 2000 and 2004 more red cups were chosen by coffee drinkers and George W Bush won those elections.

In 2008, the groundswell of public opinion swayed towards blue-tinged java and Barack Obama won the election.

The current stock take across the states participating in 7-Election has Obama getting up 60-40.

Maybe we should try that here-using loo rolls...

 

 And finally:

 

Over to the place where all the politicians reside

Apparently a Thurston County, Wash., man says he managed to shoot himself in the head with a .22-caliber rifle while fishing for salmon.

A sheriff's report says the man told deputies he fired a shot into the Deschutes River on Sunday afternoon but the bullet ricocheted off a rock and hit him in the temple. When he scratched the spot with his finger, he says the bullet fell out of his head and into the river.

The tale came to light although the man went home and refused to tell his girlfriend how he had been injured. After he left again, she called 911. When deputies pulled over the man's pickup truck, he told them what happened.

The man was treated at an area hospital and released. The Olympian newspaper says the man was not cited for any violations.

Apart from being a dickhead.

 

That’s it: I’m orf to stay away from wetlands

 

And today’s thought:

The Angus Dei view of the world

 

Angus

Universal Knobheads: NHS bollocks: Polish Plonkers: Sarnie barny: Golden bacteria: and Grilled dog.

Not much vertical movement on the lack of cold liquid metal gauge, no sign of solar activity, even less atmospheric movement and after oodles of skywater during the dark thing, not a jot of wet stuff.

 

 

Spent a while yestermorn putting coloured stuff on the loo walls and ceiling with my new “super duper” paint pad thingy:

According to the blurb on the box-

“It paints ceilings effortlessly”-only if there is someone on the other end of the handle.

“Uses less paint”-true

Does not splatter-true, it just deposits great globs of coloured stuff on the floor.

Cuts in to “awkward to reach corners”-Nah, not unless said corners are perfectly square (which none of mine are).

Another problem was that the pad thingy kept falling out of the holder and like a slice of buttered bread always lands wet side dahn, and putting it back in was more that a bit messy.

Great for doing the walls, as long as you don’t use it on the corners (keep a brush handy for those), and put dahn a dust sheet, and don’t forget to put your wellies on.

Another hint-do not use “non drip” coloured stuff-use the old fashioned runny paint-it works much better.

 

But what I did found out was that it was perfect for painting doors, if you can keep the pad in the holder you can paint both sides of a door in abaht ten minutes, and it gives a nice smooth finish with no brush marks.

 

More hints from Angus the decorator over the next few days...

 

Apparently Clone “Bs” Reddites have caught the Blueites syndrome

Liam (soon to be the ex shadow Work and Pensions Secretary) Byrne, said cuts to the welfare budget would have to be found because Labour would inherit a "dog's breakfast". Ed Balls, the shadow Chancellor, would look at every element of spending, he said and suggested that a Miliband government could target universal benefits such as the winter fuel allowance and free bus passes for pensioners.

Mr Byrne said: "There's been a balance in the welfare state between universal benefits and targeted benefits. And I'm afraid that as part of Ed's [Balls] zero-based review, that balance has got to be looked at (including “universal benefits” for old farts).

But “The Labour leadership” slapped down Liam’s faux pas; a senior source rapidly disowned the comments. He said: "You should be in no doubt as to our commitment to universal benefits. We believe it gives everyone a stake in the welfare state."

The issue of scrapping means-testing universal benefits paid to older people is highly sensitive – not least because of the number of over-65s who vote.

 

You bet your arse knobhead...

 

And according to “research”

Hospitals are failing to come clean over mistakes that result in serious harm to patients, for fear of being sued.

Some patients or their families are waiting over a year before being given any formal explanation of what led to a “serious incident”, researchers at Imperial College London have found. Some are never told.

They discovered that “fear of litigation” and “worry of being accused of malpractice” are among the most important reasons why NHS trusts are failing to hold open disclosure meetings with patients or their families.

A fifth of trusts only hold such meetings in a minority of cases, according to the research, which was based on an online survey sent to almost 400 patient safety managers. Only 209 responded.

In addition, two-thirds of trusts said they typically held the first of these meetings more than three months after the internal investigation had finished. Trust investigations often take months (or years, or in some cases decades) to complete.

While nine out of 10 trusts had a “board-approved” policy on open disclosure and awareness was high, the researchers concluded that “progress is slow and that some trusts have simply failed to recognise the importance of this issue”.

Although trusts are meant to tell patients or their families what led to a serious incident, there is no legal requirement for them to do so.

Peter Walsh, chief executive of the charity Action Against Medical Accidents said: “This report underlines the desperate need for a statutory requirement for a duty of candour.”

 

No surprise there then, after spending three and a half years trying to squeeze the truth out of Grimly Dark Hospital regarding “Ms” death, and failing miserably my advice is-forget the “complaints procedure” just sue the buggers, and most importantly-refer the no mates medics to the GMC, because if enough people do that eventually even the Piss Poor medical regulator will have to act despite the old boy’s club and covering each other’s arse.

 

Right a bit to the land where everyone is over here

Polish police have released a photo fit of the prime suspect in a bank robbery - complete with his ski mask disguise.

The image - released after a £10,000 bureau de change hold up in Gronowo - shows only the suspect's brown eyes.

And then detectives accidentally released the name of their sole witness, who had only agreed to speak to them if he could remain anonymous.

"We haven't excelled ourselves this time," admitted police spokesman Tomasz Stawarski.

 No shit...

 

West a lot to the home of food and the land of bad tempers

 

A western Nebraska man is accused of assaulting his wife with a sandwich.

The Scottsbluff Star-Herald says 50-year-old Larry Spurling, of Melbeta, is charged with disturbing the peace. According to the arrest affidavit, Spurling's wife called 911 late Sunday and reported he pushed her down during an argument and rubbed a sandwich in her face.

The newspaper says court documents don't detail the ingredients, but a deputy found several pieces of lunchmeat on the carpet outside a bedroom and some pieces of bread in the bedroom.

Ah the old luncheon meat assault ploy.

 

Allegedly researchers have discovered a bacterium’s ability to withstand incredible amounts of toxicity is the key to creating 24-karat gold.

 

“Microbial alchemy is what we’re doing – transforming gold from something that has no value into a solid, precious metal that’s valuable,” said Kazem Kashefi, assistant professor of microbiology and molecular genetics.

He and Adam Brown, associate professor of electronic art and intermedia, found the metal-tolerant bacteria Cupriavidus metallidurans can grow on massive concentrations of gold chloride – or liquid gold, a toxic chemical compound found in nature.

In fact, the bacteria are at least 25 times stronger than previously reported among scientists, the researchers determined in their art installation, “The Great Work of the Metal Lover,” which uses a combination of biotechnology, art and alchemy to turn liquid gold into 24-karat gold. The artwork contains a portable laboratory made of 24-karat gold-plated hardware, a glass bioreactor and the bacteria, a combination that produces gold in front of an audience.

Brown and Kashefi fed the bacteria unprecedented amounts of gold chloride, mimicking the process they believe happens in nature. In about a week, the bacteria transformed the toxins and produced a gold nugget. 

I did that this morning, or maybe it was the curry I had last night...

 

And finally:

 

Back over to the left

 

The East Providence Animal Control Centre is looking for the owner of a dog that survived being inadvertently transported about 11 miles from the Taunton area in the grille of a Toyota sedan.

According to William Muggle, animal control supervisor in East Providence, the driver of the Toyota was travelling about 50 mph on Route 44 near Segregansett Country Club on Sept. 20 when the dog — a white female, believed to be a poodle-mix — ran into the road.

Muggle said the driver then hit the brakes, and after not seeing the dog anywhere in the roadway, continued along Route 44 into Rhode Island believing he had not struck the dog with his vehicle.

Upon coming to a stoplight in East Providence, the driver was alerted to the dog being wedged in the front of his car by another driver on the road.

Expelius?

 

That’s it: I’m orf to hand back some Quasar gasses

 

And today’s thought:

I knew FirstGroup had their figures wrong

 

Angus

“Right time” Leccy: I’m in-not: Bangers and £75: Posh ketchup: Bubble trouble: and Abreast of booze.

Not a lot of lack of cold, less solar stuff, minus amounts of atmospheric movement and a deficit of wet stuff at the Castle this morn.

Decided to do some decorating over the next few days, starting with the smallest room and working my way up to bigger stuff, have invested in one of those “super” pad thingies kit which apparently holds eight times the amount of coloured stuff than a brush and will not drip or splash and will be able to get right up to the edges of walls and ceilings without having to ‘cut in’.

 

We shall see.....

 

According to the Institution of Mechanical Engineers

 

Liquid air can compete with batteries and hydrogen to store excess energy generated from renewables.

IMechE says "wrong-time" electricity generated by wind farms at night can be used to chill air to a cryogenic state at a distant location.

When demand increases, the air can be warmed to drive a turbine.

Engineers say the process to produce "right-time" electricity can achieve an efficiency of up to 70%.

IMechE is holding a conference today to discuss new ideas on how using "cryo-power" can benefit the low-carbon economy.

 

The process follows a number of stages:

"Wrong-time electricity" is used to take in air, remove the CO2 and water vapour (these would freeze otherwise)

The remaining air, mostly nitrogen, is chilled to -190C (-310F) and turns to liquid (changing the state of the air from gas to liquid is what stores the energy)

The liquid air is held in a giant vacuum flask until it is needed

When demand for power rises, the liquid is warmed to ambient temperature. As it vaporizes, it drives a turbine to produce electricity - no combustion is involved

 

Splendiferous, but what will we breathe?

 

After yestermorn’s hype about pensions for all

 

It turns out that Karren Brady, one of the “celebrity bosses” helping to promote these pensions to the nation's workers via a TV advertising campaign, has recently admitted that she does not invest in pensions herself.

 

Ah; the old stuff you I’m alright ploy...

 

At one of the big rubbery man’s starred restaurants

A Michelin-starred ­restaurant is charging £75 for a plate of bangers and mash.

L’Atelier de Joel Robuchon’s dish is 839% dearer than the standard £7.99 but comes with a few added extras.

Its signature mash contains black truffles and has almost as much butter as potatoes.

The sausages are from pigs fed on acorns, wild thyme, rosemary and ­mushrooms, then cooked in a vintage wine worth £75 a bottle.

Olivier Limousin, chef at the restaurant in Central London, said: “Working with this quality of ingredients is a dream come true.

"And putting my stamp on sausages and mash is also a delight.

A pared-down version of the dish is available in a £152 taster menu during Potato Week, from October 1 to 7.

The Potato Council said: “This dish gives a gastronomic twist on a meal most of us enjoy once a fortnight at home.

"But of course you don’t need to add expensive truffle to enjoy this classic.

 

Think I’ll stick to me Cumberland and King Edwards....

 

And staying on the posh grub theme

 

 

Heinz has put its trademark Tomato Ketchup into posh pots so it does not look out of place at fancy dinner parties.

It comes as more of us are eating at home rather than splashing out at restaurants.

But it is thought some hosts are too embarrassed to put the sauce on the table as it is not swanky enough.

Now two new upmarket flavours – Balsamic Vinegar, Basil and Oregano, and Roasted Garlic, Thyme and Honey – will be sold in 300g jars for around £1.80.

They will hit the shelves by the end of the month.

Heinz said: “The new jar is bringing a spoonful of panache to dinner tables.

"It’s been made to add excitement to your favourite meals.

 

Bollocks...

  

East to the land that invented everything

 

A wall of foam sparked widespread panic among locals as it rushed along a river in southern China.

The mass of soapy suds blanketed the water in Xintang, in China's Guangdong province, leading to evacuations along the banks of the river.

But officials have now said the only threat posed by the foam - thought to have been caused by chemicals washed into the river - was the possibility of 'one or two dead fish' lurking in the bubbles.

The bubbles were created when the chemical was swept over a waterfall, officials said.

Rubbery bubbery?

 

And finally:

 

Back to the middle bit of what is left of Europe

German Liquor Company G-Spirits has recently released a limited edition line of vodka, rum and whiskey that are poured down the chests of women before being bottled.

And it will only set you back $150 – $180, depending on the spirit.

 

Worth every dollar, pity I don’t drink…

 

That’s it: I’m orf to try out some MP4OX, well you never know...

 

And today’s thought:

Semi retired.

 

Angus

Illegal parents: Alcohol enemas: Double-Decker follow through: Kentish chickens: Vegas shooting gallery: and Floss that.

Chucking it dahn at the Castle this morn, oodles of lack of cold, more than a whimsy of atmospheric movement and no sight of solar stuff at all. 

And all the skywater is cocking up the interweb thingy-again...

 

More than a bit late, been dahn to Tesco on the stale bread, gruel and his Maj’s food run, and overslept from our grand day out dahn in the motor museum place.

But it was enjoyable, we saw lots of internal combustion driven vehicles, had a bit of a walk, thought about happy slapping some teenagers until we realised that none of us could run fast or far enough to carry it out so we settled for a cup of coffee and a bun near the toilets.

Followed by a "proper" roast beef, yorkshires, roast tatties, and some green stuff for  lunch dahn by the seaside.

 

A bit of flash stuff

 

A bit of nostalgia

 

 

Something for the donor riders

 

And something to make happy men very old

 

 

And as always where there are motors there is always a dodgy dealer.

 

 

Left a bit to Wiltshire

 

A school has banned parents from watching their children take part in sports events - unless they pass criminal records check.

The Isambard Community School in Swindon, Wilts, insists all parents must clear a Criminal Records Bureau check to weed out potential paedophiles.

The school introduced the new measure at the start of the term to prevent strangers from accessing other parts of the school from the playing fields.

A spokesman said: "It is with regret that from now on we will be unable to accommodate parents wishing to spectate at our sports fixtures unless they are in possession of an up-to-date Swindon Council CRB check.

 

Oh dear here we go again...

 

Over the rising salty thing on the left

There is apparently a new craze among students, in order to get smashed quicker than imbibing they have “invented” the alcohol enema.

When Alexander "Xander" Broughton, 20, was delivered to the hospital in Knoxville Tennessee after midnight on Sept. 22, his blood alcohol level was measured at 0.448 percent — nearly six times the intoxication that defines drunken driving in the state. Injuries to his rectum led hospital officials to fear he had been sodomized.

Police documents show that when an officer interviewed a fellow fraternity member about what happened, the student said the injuries had been caused by an alcohol enema.

"It is believed that members of the fraternity were utilizing rubber tubing inserted into their rectums as a conduit for alcohol," according to a police report.

While Broughton told police he remembered participating in a drinking game with fellow members of the Pi Kappa Alpha chapter, he denied having an alcohol enema. Police concluded otherwise from evidence they found at the frat house, including boxes of Franzia Sunset Blush wine.

"He also had no recollection of losing control of his bowels and defecating on himself," according to a university police report that includes photos of the mess left behind in the fraternity house after the party. 

Oh shit....well bugger me-or him...

 

Right more than many miles to the land of high things

Some sadistic Muppet has come up with a spiffing idea, a double-decker cable car, reportedly the first one in the world, near the city of Lucerne. The cable car, christened The Cabrio, soars up the Stanserhorn Mountain at a dizzying height of 1.9km carrying 60 passengers at a time, with room for 30 on the open-air top deck.

The journey starts in the village of Stans, about a 15-minute car or train ride from downtown Lucerne. The cable car base station sits at 711 meters above sea level, and to access it one must first ride one of the world’s oldest functioning funiculars. Dating from 1891, the wood and wrought-iron funicular that brings passengers from the village of Stans to the Cabrio base station has a charm of its own - its vehicles adorned with frosted glass and curtains. 

Funicular that....

 

Back in barmy Blighty

Julie Smith decided to open up a luxury five-star hotel for chickens due to the huge demand for the service in her rural Kent community.

She was inspired to create the hen hotel, named Fowlty Towers, after being regularly asked to look after her friends feathered pets while they were on holiday.

'A lot of people asked what they would do when they went on holiday with the hens,' explained Ms Smith, who has 13 hens of her own.

'So I started looking after them as a favour and then I thought well it might be a bit of a business and we'll try and get them sorted.'

Free from their chicken coops, the feathered birds can relax in five-star accommodation or roam free in the hotel's fox-proof garden.

The birds are also taken for walks and on trips to the local village pub.       

 Clucking wonderful...

 

Back over to the land of the right to bear arms

Apparently British tourists are flocking to a new shooting range in Las Vegas which offers them the chance to shoot weapons like those used in the raid to kill Osama bin Laden.

The people behind Machine Guns Vegas say it is unlike any other gun range - featuring some of the most high-powered weapons in the world alongside the glamour of Sin City.

And they estimate as many as 20% of their customers are from the UK.

For $200 (£124) customers can choose from a range of guns - one modelled on those used by US Navy Seals, who raided Bin Laden's compound in Pakistan last year

The range has also teamed up with a nearby company which provides tourist flights in fighter jets to offer a James Bond-style experience.

 

Are we really that gullible?

 

And finally:

 

Dahn Unda

A man who was told to wait 10 hours for a doctor to fix his sliced lip decided to use dental floss and a sewing needle to do it himself.

Allan Dell, 26, from Stuart Park, in Darwin, said he had no medical background but had pierced meat in the kitchen.

"I grew up in the bush in country NSW and I'm also a chef so I'm not too strange with threading meat ... I used dental floss and a sewing needle - but I sterilised it all first," he said.

Mr Dell had his lip sliced from the base of his nose down to his teeth in a "pure accident" that saw him hit in the face with a guitar.

He also cracked one of his teeth in the same accident. He said he went to the emergency department at Royal Darwin Hospital about 2.15am Saturday but was told he should "try Palmerston" or wait until the doctor arrived for the day shift.

"I walked in with my face half split - and (they said) come back tomorrow," Mr Dell said.

After pondering on it, he decided dental floss was the best way to go. "I think Crocodile Dundee did it once," Mr Dell said.

"It worked," he said.

 

Only a ten hour wait? Wimp...

 

That’s it: I’m orf to measure me black hole

 

And today’s thought:

I never got one of those with my Honda...

 

 

Angus