Patten of greed: Dorries Dahn Unda: U-Turn Cam says EU can wait: Lord of the aisles: Hotel Hell: Isa going to pray for rain: and Redemption coupons.

Lack of cold stuff, not a whimsy of atmospheric movement, even less solar stuff and loads of condensed skywater at the Castle this morn, still putting coloured stuff on the study walls, still collecting stuff for the “recycling centre”, still knackered, still nursing the left hip, still wishing that I never started decorating.

 

Ex Hong Kong big knob and now Aunties top trust knob

Chris (what recession) Patten is apparently under a smidge of pressure to bugger orf after it has emerged that he has more than one or two other jobs paying him an extra pile of cash a year on top of his £110,000 stipend from our license fee for three or four days a week.

.
Allegedly he gets nearly £80,000 a year as an adviser to oil giant BP for two meeting and advice, plus up to £40,000 from energy company EDF for four meetings. 

The BBC said: “Lord Patten is absolutely committed to sorting out the BBC’s problems. This is taking up the vast majority of his time at the moment. A number of his other roles only require two to three days a year.”


Yeah right....

 

And Dahn Unda

Last night it was my pleasure to watch Nadger Dorries munching away on a lambs testicle and other savouries such as an ostrich anus.

It seems that Nadine entered the jungle promising to bring serious political debate to the masses and claimed that it would provide her with a platform for discussing political issues, including her desire to see the abortion limit reduced to 20 weeks and her support for Boris Johnson.

 

Life’s a bollock isn’t it Nadine (I would like to point out that I only watch the “Bush tucker trials” containing darling Dorries, not the rest of the baarmy crap, ITV 9.30pm)

 

And staying with arsehole MPs

The Prime Monster has yet again postponed his EU referendum pledge he originally planned to deliver it as a 2015 election manifesto promise at October’s Tory conference, along with a vow to win back key powers.

Senior No10 sources last night admitted the PM’s EU speech may slip to January next year — but no later.

And his reason for his procrastination-it would upset other European leaders ahead of a budget showdown.

Maybe it was one of his balls Nadine munched on....

 

Over to the left a lot and up many, many feet

A United Airlines flight from Denver has landed safely in Washington, D.C., after its crew reported an emergency because a passenger began praying in an aisle.

KUSA-TV reports the plane was escorted by military jets after the crew declared the emergency. The plane landed Thursday at Dulles International Airport.

The Denver TV station reports that the crew made the decision because a male passenger started praying in the middle of an aisle. 

And the reason for all this panic?

United spokeswoman Megan McCarthy says a passenger wasn't following flight attendant instructions for landing.

 

Wing and a prayer?

 

Right a jot to the land of legal wacky baccy

 

There is a place where for $30 a night you can expect sod all:

Its website warns guests that: “The Hans Brinker Budget Hotel has been proudly disappointing travellers for forty years. Boasting levels of comfort comparable to a minimum-security prison, the Hans Brinker also offers some plumbing and an intermittently open canteen serving a wide range of dishes based on runny eggs”.

They are advised that a park bench may be a better option, and not to expect fresh air, any space, or luxuries like a large bed, TV or swimming pool.

The owners have called its broken elevators and lack of hot water “eco-friendly” and the hotel is also helping to save the planet by making guests dry themselves off with the curtains, saving washing of towels.

And "GUESTS book here at their own risk and will not hold the hotel liable for food poisoning, mental breakdowns, terminal illness, lost limbs, radiation poisoning, certain diseases associated with the 18th century, plague, and etcetera."


Amenities include:

- A basement bar with limited light and no fresh air.
- A concrete courtyard where you can relax and enjoy whatever sunshine is able to pass the high buildings on either side on the extremely infrequent days when it’s actually sunny.
- An elevator that almost never breaks down between floors.
- A bar serving slightly watered down beer.
- Amusing witticisms and speculations about former guests’ sexual preferences scrawled on most surfaces.
- The Hans Brinker Budget Hotel, Amsterdam Luxury Ambassadorial Suite (featuring the Hans Brinker’s one and only bathtub).
- Doors that lock.

Sounds like somewhere Dorries would enjoy.

 

Back Dahn Unda again

 

It's been hot and dry in Mt Isa lately. Extra hot and extra dry, in fact, the northwest Queensland mining city has been so hot and dry that locals have taken to their knees to pray for rain.

“I've got callouses on my knees I've been praying that hard," Mt Isa mayor Tony McGrady told news.com.au today.

Mayor McGrady has spent much of the week urging locals to attend today's official "Prayer for Rain" community meeting.

Now in its ninth year, the event got off to the best possible start in 2003 when 25mm of rain fell the night after the rain prayers, breaking one of the town's longest ever dry spells.

Things are almost as bad this year. Just 20mm of rain has fallen in Mt Isa in the last six months, and the Leichhardt River is bone dry.

If they want to pop over here with a bucket I could sell them a drop or two...

 

And finally:

 

Over to the Eastern bit of what is left of Europe

 

A Russian coupon site is offering a 50% Discount on Redemption just in time for the Mayan Apocalypse.

And more than a few Numptys have taken up the offer; over 100 people have bought the coupon.

According to the offer posted on Russian site Kupon Klub, it’s just 500 roubles ($16) for indulgences offered by an Italian Catholic church that has offered to pray for the forgiveness of your sins at half price.

All someone has to do is buy this holy coupon and send its unique number to an email address mentioned on site. No matter how much you’ve sinned over the years, you can buy just one coupon for yourself, but you can get as many as you want to have your loved-ones’ sins forgiven as well.

According to Lifenews.ru, the organizers of this campaign believe the number of sold coupons will be in the millions, but with 37 days to go to expiry, only 110 people have bought the discounted indulgence vouchers.

How much is $16 in proper money?

 

That’s it: I’m orf to see if my particles are decaying

 

And today’s thought:

Anyone seen my rear exit?

 

 

Angus

It’s a gas: Universal cretins: New Boomers: Sweaty sweets: Hit and vote: Sign of the Gov: and a Diamond Oliver.

Quite a lot of lack of cold, quantities of atmospheric movement, quadruple amounts of sky water and quizzical amounts of solar stuff at the Castle this morn.

Back to the study this day to try to move even more stuff to the dump pile, a bit more putting coloured stuff on the walls, a touch of carpentry and a lot of moaning is on the cards.

 

Allegedly the tosspots at the top have finally found out that

Wholesale gas prices may have been “manipulated”; the probes by the Financial Services Authority (FSA) and Ofgem follow claims by a whistleblower.

The whistleblower, Seth Freedman, worked at ICIS Heron, a financial information company that publishes energy price reports.

The FSA said: "We can confirm that we have received information in relation to the physical gas market and will be analysing the information."

Ofgem also said it had "received information" and was looking into the issue. It added that it would "consider carefully any evidence of market abuse that is brought to our attention as well as scope for action under all our other powers".

Energy Secretary Ed Davey will make a statement to the House of Commons later.

Four of the UK's big six energy suppliers have released statements denying any involvement.

 

Took them long enough to realise...

 

The Irritable Bowel Twins are in a bit of Bovver

The Government's flagship reform of Britain's welfare system, which is being piloted by the Secretary of State for Work and Pensions, Iain Duncan Smith, has been placed on a Treasury list of projects in crisis, The Independent on Sunday has learned.

Despite assurances from the Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) that universal credit will be rolled out on time and on budget, its national launch – scheduled for October next year – will now be limited to small regional projects. Sources within the DWP have told The IoS that a realistic national roll-out – regardless of the department's public assurances – is already a year behind schedule amid fears that technical issues over “computer software" could push that back further.

Senior DWP staff working on the project are understood to have reported concerns to their Treasury counterparts. The issue was a factor in Mr Duncan Smith remaining at the DWP during the recent Cabinet reshuffle.

Universal credit has a development budget of £2bn. It is supposed to be a paperless online IT system for claimants that would bridge the DWP's data with the Treasury. Six separate benefits are to be combined into one payment.

However, the project, according to senior Whitehall sources, is already suffering a £100m overrun. There are also concerns that a further £300m is being hidden by rising costs reallocated to child support payments.

A reorganisation of the complex IT system, following the departure this month of key senior civil servants in charge of universal credit, could mean an overrun of £500m by next spring.

A government adviser on information technology said: "IDS, like other ministers before him, has been hypnotised by promises of what an online system can deliver. Warnings were given to him more than a year ago. They were ignored."

 

Ah; the arrogance of cretins....

 

Boom two

England faces the biggest baby boom in 40 years as up to 20,000 more are expected to be born this year than last, putting enormous strain on NHS maternity services, the Royal College of Midwives is warning.

In the first three months of this year alone, 4,600 more babies were born than during the same period last year, according to official figures

Midwives are warning that the trend is continuing and will swell births to more than 700,000 in England this year - the first time that level has been reached since 1971.

Birth rates have been on the rise for a decade, due principally to immigration, with the number growing by about 12,000 a year.

In 2011 there were 688,120 births in England, according to the Office for National Statistics.

But this year there seems to be an extra surge.

Before U-Turn Cam came to power, he promised another 3,000 midwives across the NHS, but to date only an extra 900 have been employed.

The RCM is arguing another 5,000 are needed across England, to keep pace with the rising number of births.

 

Just wait twenty years when the new boomers turn on their parents over pensions, housing costs and jobs...

 

Over the large wet, salty thing on the left

Deo Perfume Candy, which is not yet available in the UK, contains geraniol from Bulgaria, which, according to Belgium-based manufacturer Beneo, aromatises as it evaporates through the skin.

Apparently 'The fragrant packets of Deo Perfume Candy bring you the sweet taste of the roses as a delicious treat of your senses. They take the pleasure of enjoying a delicious candy to a whole new level,' Deo Perfume Candy says on its website.

Beneo claims an individual who eats four sweets and waits six hours will come up smelling of roses, but experts are sceptical of the claim.

'I think we can probably agree that if you eat food with a lot of aromatic spice, like garlic and curry, eventually it will work its way into your sweat and influence the way you smell,' George Preti, a chemist at Monell Chemical Senses Centre in Philadelphia, told ABC News.

 'But no one has actually demonstrated that.'

 

Can’t wait...the sweet smell of suckness?

 

Still in the home of the car and the land of elections

 

An Arizona woman, in despair at the re-election of Democratic President Barack Obama, ran down her husband with the family car in suburban Phoenix on Saturday because he failed to vote in the election, police said on Monday.

Holly Solomon, 28, was arrested after running over husband Daniel Solomon following a wild chase that left him pinned underneath the vehicle.

Daniel Solomon, 36, was in critical condition at a local hospital, but is expected to survive, Gilbert police spokesman Sergeant Jesse Sanger said.

Police said Daniel Solomon told them his wife became angry over his "lack of voter participation" in last Tuesday's presidential election and believed her family would face hardship as a result of Obama winning another term.

Witnesses reported the argument broke out on Saturday morning in a parking lot and escalated. Mrs Solomon then chased her husband around the lot with the car, yelling at him as he tried to hide behind a light pole, police said. He was struck after attempting to flee to a nearby street.

 

PMT?

 

All across bemused Blighty

Pointless signs which clutter the British countryside and point out the obvious on the roads will be banned under new plans.

The Government is working on new guidance for local councils and highway officials on reducing the number of signs, as well as revising traffic sign regulations.

The proposals will be announced by Transport Secretary Patrick McLoughlin in a speech to members of the Campaign to Protect Rural England today.

He will say: "Too many country roads carry a reminder of how insensitive planners can be to the aesthetics of transport design with the ugly and unnecessary signage that clutters up the network.

The new guidance and traffic signs regulations will be issued by autumn next year.

They will give authorities greater freedom to simplify country junctions.

 

Nice to see that pointless Pratt Patrick McLoughlin is doing his bit to help drivers...

 

And finally:

 

Naughty Oliver

Hungry moggy Oliver was in the dog house - after swallowing his owner’s valuable diamond necklace.

The five-year-old cat polished off the piece of jewellery as it lay on a coffee table next to a pile of his favourite treats.

Owners Steve Digby and Francine Lace thought the pendant and chain had been lost after searching for it without success but finally turned their suspicions to Oliver.

 

Francine, 44, took him to an RSPCA hospital where an X-ray revealed the pendant and chain, which is 24-inches long and features diamonds and opals, was in his stomach

Vets waited to see if nature would take its course, but when the necklace got stuck, they removed it surgically.

The operation was a success and Oliver is now recovering at home in Wythenshawe, Manchester, with Steve, Francine and their four other rescue cats.

Alarm repair man Steve, 51, said: “You don’t want to get in the way of Oliver when he’s eating.

"He’s quite a large cat, and quite ferocious when he eats the treat sticks.

“His treats were down on the coffee table in the lounge.

"When my fiancée Francine came back into the lounge the treat sticks had gone, and so had the pendant.

"She searched high and low, all over the house, but couldn’t find it.

“When I got home I looked again, and in the end we came to the conclusion the cat’s eaten it.”

The necklace, which was a birthday present from Steve to his fiancée, has now been returned to Francine - after a thorough cleaning

 

I would like to point out that Oliver is in no way related to his Maj, and anyway I can’t afford diamond necklaces...

 

That’s it: I’m orf to bung some cameras into a ball

 

And today’s thought:

Har-har-har-har-har-bloody-har....

 

Angus

Entwistle's exit (with our money): Dorries Dahn Unda (Dahn Unda): How to harvest a Numpty: Dead elections: Greggs gets ‘em orf: and Japan’s gadgets that failed.

Definite lack of warm, diddly amounts of atmospheric movement, not even a dash of solar stuff and oodles of condensed skywater at the Castle this morn.

 

Just returned from the stale bread, gruel and his Maj’s food run dahn Tesco- still a shambles, still infested with interweb robots, and still expensive; but afterwards I parked over the other side of the car park and decided to have a walk to the new Morrisons that has finally opened, bloody nightmare, it is all up hill and you have to pass four or five locked entrances to get to the main door, I tried the lift at “street level” but it wasn’t working so I staggered dahn the two sets of steps to the store, the place was almost empty of bargain hunters.

The reason why is that by some strange coincidence the prices of stuff is almost the same as Tesco, cat food-exactly the same, own make soup-bit dearer, bread-bit cheaper, fruit-the same because Tesco has adopted the one squid pack for fruit and veg, but it isn’t polluting the atmosphere with dry ice.

Other stuff roughly the same prices, so I purchased some bread and left, then had to stagger up the two sets of steps (because the lift to street level wasn’t working) and nursed my knackered left hip back to the Honda.

 

Which I suppose goes to prove the old adage-be careful what you wish for....

 

Meanwhile up at Aunties place

It seems that George (I couldn’t find my arse if there was a BBC cameraman hanging out of it) Entwistle has walked away with £450,000 of our license fee money for 54 days “work”.

After doing sod all since he was appointed on the 17^th of September and denying all knowledge of everything that happened under his “leadership” the twat resigned and has been paid a year’s salary.

And it gets even better-according to the Torygraph no nuts Entwistle walks orf with the golden handshake and a £877,000 pension pot to put in his bulging wallet. 

Now: I don’t know about you but if I signed a contract to work for an organisation and was completely useless at the job I would not expect to be paid for a year after only a couple of months, in fact I would probably have been sacked and prosecuted for obtaining money under false pretences not rewarded by the general public for being a useless Tosser.

It really is time to dump the license fee for a few adverts.

 

And Dahn Unda

Dorries is going even further Dahn Unda, nadger Nadine and Helen Flanagan are going to be buried for ten minutes while thousands of buggy things will be dropped in every sixty seconds. 

Worth every penny of the 15p I spent on the phone call...roll on tonight...

 

Left across the not quite as windy salty thing

 

 

A man napping in a Montana cornfield was startled out of his snooze when he was run over by a large harvesting machine - and Yellowstone County deputies say he's lucky to be alive.

Sheriff's Lt. Kent O'Donnell says the 57-year-old man had been travelling the country by bus and decided to take a rest three rows deep in a field on the outskirts of Billings, the state's largest city.

A farmer harvesting Wednesday felt his combine hit something. When he turned the machine off, he heard screaming.

Emergency responders found the man's clothing had been sucked into the cutter, ensnaring him in the blades.

O'Donnell says the man, whose name was not released, suffered cuts requiring stitches and may need skin grafts, but given the circumstances is "incredibly lucky."

 
Fields of gold-and red....

 

Still in the home of the voter and the land of the deceased

Allegedly voters in Florida and Alabama managed to elect two dead politicians in this week's US elections.

Earl K Wood, a Democrat standing in Florida, and Alabama Republican Charles Beasley both recorded convincing victories, despite the fact that they died weeks before the polls took place.

 

No wonder Obama won...

 

Back in baking Blighty

 

Women staff at a branch of bakers Greggs stripped for charity and covered their modesty with buns and biscuits.

The ­calendar is on sale at every one of the 1,650 Greggs shops across the UK.

Priced at £5 it has been flying off the shelves as fast as the sausage rolls and is on course to raise more than £100,000 for the BBC Children in Need appeal.

 

Good for them-nice cherries...

 

East to the land where nuclear stuff has never been seen

Here are a few “inventions” that never got orf the ground.

The walking toaster: which has a slit entrance for the slice of bread, which is then "walked" vertically down inside the toaster on metal rails and eventually emerges at the other end,

 Iwatsu Electric's "Both Phone" - two telephones attached back to back with only one receiver, apparently to allow someone to make calls from either side. But only one at a time.

Fuji Electric's double-decked electric fan - the "Silent Pair", which definitely is a pair, but not exactly silent.

The "Sharp Cinema Super" is a radio in the shape of a television and cost 10,900 yen ($108) - a little more than a month's salary for an elite public servant of the time.

Panasonic's television-shaped gas stove GSF-1 is the most expensive model among a range of gas heaters the company sold over 30 years.

The "satellite-type" washing machine - a round metal pod with a handle that stirs dirty laundry in water and detergent.

Hitachi's "Piano" is a desk-top electric fan that is, for no apparent reason, shaped like a miniature piano and is supposed to emit a gently scented breeze.

And:

Toshiba's "Snack-3", a device that can warm milk while toasting a slice of bread and frying an egg.

No wonder Comet went bust...

 

That’s it: I’m orf to don my cloak of invisibility

 

And today’s thought:

Spot the Dorries

 

Angus

Lest we forget

Another year has passed and I shall go down to the war memorial in the Prince’s Gardens on my own for the seventh year to stand with what seems to be a dwindling number of old and young folk to remember the millions lost to war. 

And as I stand there shivering in the cold wind I will remember those who were killed in the Great War and the two Uncles I never met or knew who were killed in the second “world” war, I will remember my old dad who came back from the ‘conflict’ with malaria and a piece of his soul missing, and the many young men and women who are still returning from foreign fields with parts of their bodies blown off or unable to cope with life because of what they have seen or done.

 

I will remember those in charge back in 1914 that sent wave after wave of frightened young men over the top to die in droves just to gain a yard of ground, and the lying politicians who started conflicts on the basis of non existing “intelligence” so that they can gain access to oil.

And I will remember all those who profited from the death and disfigurement of those that have given their all to protect their countries and continue to do so.

 

I will remember them all.

 

Angus

No news is good news

Chucking it dahn at the Castle this morn, the butler is feeding the furnace with fat, carbon neutral teenagers at the speed of time, and the study is about half finished, after three trips to the "recycling centre", four bags of non-recycling stuff, half a gallon of couloured wall stuff, two hundred trips up and dahn the stairs I am knackered, the left hip has decided that it wants a holiday, I have used two tubes of that well known stuff (which targets pain and has anti agony stuff in it) on my back I have managed to crawl dahn to the sofa to put fingers to keyboard only to find that there is bugger all to post about.


Where has all the "interesting" stuff gorn?


All I can find is:

 

TheStatus Quo has been restored over the very windy wet thing on the left 

Which means bugger all to us despite the billions of dollars and hundreds of hours of BBC air time spent on it.

 

 

Some dozy cow of an MP has decided to emigrate Dahn Unda

To spend a couple of weeks sitting in the "jungle" eating maggots and crapping next to the Koala bears in the woods rather than doing her fucking job which she is royally paid to do.

Apparently the whip has been withdrawn which is a shame because she deserves a good flogging.

The Interweb thingy is in a high state of Corporal Jones over the interfering with Kiddlies do-dah

 

 

 

Which seems to be publishing lists of people who are not connected to the Catholic Priests preference for buggering and fiddling with children at all.

 

 

 

 

and:

 

 

 

Apparently the Ginger Rodent has his own beer

 

 

And has allededly attended the Launch of said Ginger Rodent ale by Cairngorm Brewery in Aviemore, and even promised to take a couple of bottles back to Westminster for Harriet Harman.

 

Oh har fucking har, maybe he would be better orf sitting in his plush office sorting out the fucking economy...

 

 

 

and finally:

 

 

 

 

 

Fuckwit Cameron has sidled orf to somewhere warm

 

 

 

 

With a bit of luck he will wander orf into the outback and disappear...

 

 

and:

 

 

 

Charlie and his old Nag has fucked orf somewhere just as warm



 

 

 

Where the grazing is much better.

 

 

 

That's it:I'm orf to stock up on coffee

 

 

And today's thought:

Hello; and where are you from?

 

 

 

 

Angus

 

 



A few days orf

No posts until the weekend-ish, too much to do-decorating the study, getting rid of all the crap and unwanted computer stuff, and furniture.



Angus

Adolescent electorate: Go juice tax on tax: Ugly marriage: Nun got a lot: Baby polisher: Face Yoga, and a Pregnant Dwarf Galaxy giving birth.

Post one grand plus one. 

The first layer of white crusty stuff, an absence of atmospheric movement, a vast amount of solar stuff and not an atom of skywater at the Castle this morn.

 

Had an “interesting” day on Monday, my lovely young lady arrived to trim what is left of my hair, the interweb thingy went totally tits up, and after a couple of hours I gave up completely, so I decided to “sort out” the study and as I was dismantling shelves and stuff the phone rang and it was a mate who was in more than a state of panic, his laptop had frozen and all he had was a “page” telling him that the Police had taken over his computer because of “illegal use”, but if he paid them £100 it would all go away and he could compute away to his heart’s content.

Luckily he didn’t oblige and brought the laptop to me, it was of course a scam, so I did the old ctrl-alt-del thing and ended up with just his desktop background, the next step was to shut dahn the offending pieces of electronics and press f7/f8 during boot; boot up in “safe mode” and do a restore to a couple of days before-sorted.

 So beware; if it happens to you, follow the advice above, and do not click on anything if you are attacked by these thieving, fuckwit tosspots they are only after your money.

 

All over the disjointed United Kingdom

Lord Tyler who used to be the Liberal Democrats’ former shadow Leader of the Commons has come up with a cunning plan to totally balls up the electoral system.

He wants to extend the right to vote to 16 and 17 year olds in all elections and referenda in the United Kingdom.

The Voting Age (Comprehensive Reduction) Bill which is being published would make this change with a simple amendment to electoral law.

Lord Tyler’s Bill was backed Lord Adonis, by former Labour Transport Secretary, Lord Lucas, former Conservative Government Whip, and Independent Crossbench Peer and Baroness Young of Hornsey.

Lord Adonis said: “Young people should be able to vote at 16, so that political debate and democracy fully include them, and so that they start to consider and discuss while still at school how to use their vote.”

A Cabinet Office spokesman said: “The Government has no plans to change the current voting age.”

 

Nice to see that Cupid Stunts are still rife in Gov.....

 

In every go juice dispensing place

 

According to the shit for brains MPs on a typical litre of petrol costing 138.3p, 81p goes to the Treasury in fuel duty and VAT.

Under current Treasury plans, duty on petrol and diesel will rise by 3p a litre on Jan1 next year.

Motoring groups and campaigners, including Conservative MPs, are urging the Chancellor to scrap the planned rise, which they say will squeeze household budgets further and dampen Britain’s economic recovery.

The Commons library, which is politically neutral, tracks data on fuel and produces regular reports for MPs on prices and tax levels.

Its latest report shows that, after gradually falling over the summer, pump prices are close to levels seen in April, when a typical litre of petrol cost 141.7p.

The library’s researchers report that this year’s higher prices have mainly been caused by rising global oil prices, forced up by political tensions in the Middle East, especially over Iran’s nuclear programme.

However, tax has contributed to longer-term rises: “The price increases since late 2010 have been as a consequence of rising oil prices, the weaker pound and increases in duty and VAT,” the report said.

The library reported that overall, British fuel duty was the second highest in the European Union.

According to data from the European Commission, British diesel is the most expensive in the EU, “despite relatively low pre-tax prices”, the report said.

Petrol prices are the fourth highest in the EU, after Greece, the Netherlands and Italy.

 

A spokesman said: “The Government recognises that the rising price of petrol is a significant part of households’ day-to-day spending.

“Since coming to office the Government has listened to the concerns of motorists about high pump prices and acted. Fuel is now 10p a litre lower than under the previous government’s plans.”

 

Bollocks...

 

East to the land of plastic stuff

 

When husband Jian Feng saw his newborn baby for the first time he was horrified.

The girl was so ugly he refused to believe he and his stunning wife could have produced such a child.

And he rounded on his partner, accusing her of having an affair.

But she told him the terrible truth, her good looks were due to £62,000 of plastic surgery and the baby was indeed theirs.

Furious Feng took her to court claiming she had tricked him into marriage – and won his lawsuit.

Feng said: “I married my wife out of love, but as soon as we had our first daughter, we began having marital issues.

“Our daughter was incredibly ugly, to the point where it horrified me.” He told lawyers his wife had fooled him by having plastic surgery to make her beautiful and it was only the birth of their daughter that gave her away.

Incredibly, the court agreed and awarded Feng £75,000 after his wife admitted she had not told him about the surgery.

A judge in the northern Chinese court said she had tricked Feng into marrying her – and also granted a divorce. He ruled that since Feng had not been aware of the surgery, his wife had used “false premises”.

 

Your genes will find you out...

 

West to the land where there is apparently some sort of election

 

A nun with a gambling addiction was accused of stealing $128,000 from two rural parishes where she worked.

Sister Mary Anne Rapp was treated for a gambling addiction and is in recovery, her order said Monday, but she still faces a criminal charge of grand larceny following the thefts from the St. Mary and St. Mark congregations. She was expected to plead not guilty at an initial appearance in Kendall Town Court on Monday evening.

In 2010, two linked parishes were assigned a new pastor who sought a routine audit, said Kevin Keenan, spokesman for the Roman Catholic Diocese of Buffalo. The audit turned "some irregularities" that were turned over to a county prosecutor, he said.

Rapp is accused of taking the money between 2006 and 2010, Keenan said.

She was placed on leave from her position as pastoral associate in February 2011 and fired in April 2011, he said. St. Mary's in Holley and St. Mark's in nearby Kendall serve a combined total of about 600 families.

Officials believe Rapp spent the money at casinos. She is a member of the Sisters of St. Francis, based in Lewiston, north of Buffalo. Sister Edith Wyss, provincial minister of the 138-member order, said that when Rapp was placed on leave, she agreed to seek treatment for a gambling addiction.

"She spent 9 1/2 months in an in-patient treatment program and has maintained her recovery in the year since," Wyss said.

Wyss said the order does not condone the conduct but continues to pray for Sister Mary Anne as she deals with her addiction.

 

That'll help the poor and starving who are poorer and even hungrier whilst “sister” Rapp lived it up...

 

Still in the home of the Democrats and the land of Republicans

 

A US company is combining baby grows with mops so that babies can polish the floor as they learn to crawl.

Website BetterThanPants.com is hoping to clean up with its £25 invention which it calls the Baby Mop.

Inspired by a spoof Japanese advert for a similar invention, it promises to "teach your baby a strong work ethic early on in their life".

And it adds that the baby "will get a nice workout, burn off energy, and do muscle toning. And sleep better too."

Mike Parker from BetterThanPants.com said: "We have sold about 100 in just one month since adding it to our site.

"So far all the feedback from customers has been very positive; however we get some negative emails surrounding the idea of the actual product.

"The idea formed to make the actual product from a Japanese commercial on the web.

"I believe the idea was submitted as part of a contest on ridiculous inventions in Japan but was never actually sold anywhere.

"But this is the real deal; it's a legit product and is proving very, very popular."

 

Stick a broom handle up its arse and you could do cobwebs on the ceiling as well....

 

Instead of Botox and plastic surgery

 

Have a bash at Face Yoga, developed by Annelise Hagen, who calls is the ultimate face-lift.

The New York yoga instructor says her technique is meant to be a natural alternative to Botox and cosmetic procedures, which cost Americans billions of dollars every year. She started working on her unique set of facial exercises after she learned that her students, most of them well-educated professionals, were practicing yoga, but also getting Botox shots during their lunch breaks to hide their wrinkles.

Hagen just didn’t feel that was in the spirit of yoga, so she decided to create a proper alternative. Based on the premise that, like any other muscles in the human body, facial muscles need exercise to stay toned, face yoga offers a range of exercises to help people looking younger for longer.

Just make sure there are no horses around...

 

 And finally:

 

In a galaxy, far, far away

The Hubble Bubble telescope thingy has snapped the faint irregular galaxy NGC 3738, which is located about 12 million light-years from Earth in the constellation Ursa Major, which turns out to be a Dwarf galaxy giving birth to oodles of new stars.

NGC 3738 is a type of galaxy known as a blue compact dwarf, researchers said. Unlike elliptical galaxies or spirals, blue compact dwarfs tend to be chaotic in appearance, lacking distinctive features such as central bulges or spiral arms. They're thought to resemble some of the universe's earliest galaxies and could provide clues about how stars looked shortly after the Big Bang, researchers said.

 

Lubbly Jubbly, hope there aren’t any rugby players about....

 

That’s it: I’m orf to avoid any news about the Trans Atlantic election

 

And today’s thought:

Who gives a shit...?

 

 Angus