Whether the Wevver will or not: Up your MP: Central park cannon: One pissed feller up a tree: Pants calendar: and Dummy Councillors.

Quite a lot of lack of warm, not a lot of skywater, even less atmospheric movement and nary a glimmer of solar stuff at the Castle this morn, Blogger and IE are still conspiring to stop me putting photos into this piss poor blog and his Maj has discovered the joy of lying underneath the radiators in an attempt to maximise his heat rating.

 

And staying with the wevver

 

The “experts” at the Met thingy have issued a yellow 'be aware' warning for snow and ice across the whole of southern England, the Midlands and Wales on Saturday.

Apparently Around 1-2cm of snow could fall across London and the South West on Saturday morning, before the wintry showers head further south towards Southampton and the South Coast.

The East Coast is also likely to see a covering, while northern areas such as Lincolnshire and Yorkshire could see as much as 5-7cm.

Temperatures are expected to plummet to as low as -9C in the early part of next week with widespread frosts forecast for the weekend.

 

This means of course that if “they” are actually correct and more than a metric millimetre settles on the ground then the whole of Blighty will grind to a halt for at least four days.

 

Makes you proud.....

 

And up in the bit next to the leaning tower of Westminster 

 

A bit of two day old news:

Members of Parliament believe they deserve a pay hike of one-third – with nearly 70 per cent believing that they are underpaid for the job they do.

Conservative members of Parliament on average would like a £31,000 increase in their basic salary – to £96,000 a year – while their Labour counterparts feel they deserve a £12,000 hike to £77,000, according to an anonymised survey carried out by the Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority (Ipsa). MPs are currently paid around £65,000 a year.

 

Yeah right: Now let me see, the average-ish salary increase for those lucky enough to have employment is about 1-2 percent, the increase in benefits for those not striving is going to be 1 percent.

 

I reckon that a 1.5 percent increase in our money that is given to Members of Piss-poor-arliament is a fair increase-don’t you?

 

Over the cold, wet salty thing on the left 

 

Apparently an 18th century cannon was found loaded with gun powder and a cannon ball Friday during a routine cleaning at the Central Park Conservancy.

Residual gun powder was spotted after a piece of rust was removed from the cannon, exposing the cannon ball, New York City Police said. Authorities were summoned to remove the gun powder and make the cannon safe for public display. The cannon came from a British Royal Navy Ship, the HMS Hussar, circa 1763 to 1780.

NYPD spokesman Paul Browne said "We silenced British cannon fire in 1776 and we don't want to hear it again in Central Park,"

 

I think that about sums up the USA’s attitude to us Brits...

 

Dahn a bit and left even more 

 

An allegedly intoxicated tree trimmer dangled 40 feet off the ground for nearly two hours Monday evening before rescuers were able to get him down from of a Eucalyptus tree in a heavily wooded, residential area of Brentwood.

"We were concerned about his condition because he seemed lethargic and once we got him down, we found that he had consumed a significant amount of alcohol from a bottle of tequila that he had in his work belt with him," said Battalion Chief Brian Schultz with City of Los Angeles Fire Department.

Thirty-two fire-fighters responded to the scene and used ropes, a harness and 35-foot ladders to rescue the tree trimmer, according to Erik Scott with LAFD.

 

Good job it wasn’t in broke Blighty-there would only have been an old fart with a loft ladder available.....

 

Right more than many Imperial miles to the land that thinks we are blackmailing them 

 

A pants calendar of men posing in their underwear with classic 1970s cars is proving an unlikely success in Germany.

The pictures - featuring male models of all shapes and sizes - show some classic bodywork has aged better than others.

One bearded model poses in a pair of baggy brown Y-fronts, holding a chainsaw, as he stands beside a classic Audi Quattro.

Another model in the £25 calendar is seen posing proudly in front of a Volvo Amazon while wearing skin-tight leopard-skin print trunks.

Creator Janet Schurmeyer, from Wuppertal, says she and a photographer pal dreamed up the calendar as an antidote to traditional poses of semi-clad women draped over curvy sports cars.

"We only use men - most of them are our friends - and they are often not wearing the most attractive underwear, whatever it is they feel comfortable in" she explained.

"There is a minimum age of 20 years for the cars. For the men it is 18," she added.

If you must you can see the calendar HERE

 

Come on guys, we Brits could do much better than that.

Norf of the border

 

 

A pensioner has been cleared of registering a dummy to stand in a local government election.

• Renee Slater entered a mannequin called Helena Torry into Aberdeen council elections last year

• Case dismissed on technicality - Presiding Officer says he “will have no hesitation” in referring similar cases to police

Renee-Margaret Slater went on trial accused of entering a mannequin as a candidate in last year’s city council election in Aberdeen.

The 64-year-old lodged the name of Helena Torry on an official nomination document and delivered the paperwork to the returning officer at the city town house.

The former Labour councillor went on trial facing a charge under the Representation of People Act 1983 earlier this week. But yesterday the pensioner was cleared because the sheriff ruled that the charge was not relevant to the case.

Defence lawyer Gregor Kelly argued that the charge against his client related to parliamentary elections and local government elections in England and Wales. And Sheriff Peter Hammond upheld the submission that his client had no case to answer.

Following the hearing, Ms Slater said: “I just want to thank the people who helped out, the friends of Helena Torry who raised the funds for it. I couldn’t get legal aid.

“She ended up with a personality, and certainly has more charisma than some politicians.

 

Hear! Hear! And we wouldn’t have them whingeing about how poor they are....

 

That’s it: I’m orf to dismantle the asteroid shelter

 

And today’s thought:

A note for U-Turn Cam-hopefully 

 

 

 

Angus 

 

 

Advertising boobs: Cowboys and hay bales: The “sex wards” of Songziniao Hospital: Angling for a con: and the Palace of Winds.

A touch of solar stuff, a whimsy of atmospheric movement, a smidge of lack of warm and not even a threat of skywater at the Castle this morn, very, very late this Friday, overslept, then fell asleep on the sofa, then went back to bed and finally woke up at the noon day cloud.

IE and Blogger still haven’t sorted out the pic insertion balls up on posts so still using HMTL to bring you “interesting” photos.

And a bit of a truncated offering today.

 

East to one of the right hand countries

 

A curvaceous entrepreneur’s unique money making scheme is proving to be a real treasure chest, with interest growing quickly in the business.

Clients can advertise their products or events on one of her breasts for a bargain £5, with a special offer of just £9 available for both.

The advert was initially posted on a Gumtree-style website in the Czech Republic, before bring re-posted on Facebook where it has racked up over 2,000 Likes.

‘I am a beautiful young girl and I offer my breasts for greeting cards and adverts,’ explained the girl, proving that sex really does sell.

‘Send me your message and I’ll send you a pic with it written on my breasts,’ she adds.

There has been a lot of interest in the racy offer, with users on the social network responding positively to the proposal.

‘Its good value for money,’ said one user. ‘But I’d pay double if I could write the advert myself.’

 

Well; there’s no need to be smutty...

 

West to the home of the rancher and the land of the rustler

 

Allegedly Cowboys and Ranchers are stealing bales of hay; it seems that because of Droughts, fires and heat waves have sent the price of hay skyrocketing and “forcing” the bandits to do a bit of nicking hay while the sun shines.

As a result, ranchers and renegade cowboys are literally stealing bales of hay from their neighbours to feed their cattle or sell to the highest bidder, reports The New York Times.

One sheriff in Colorado told The Times that hay rustling was “the economics of the times.”

But, in reality, this is an economic need driven not by complex derivatives but by extreme weather and soaring heat, some of the first sustained climate change-related disasters to measurably impact the United States.

 

Nah; the thieving ranchers could have harvested their own hay instead of doing a bit of haylifting.

East to the land of non NHS ‘Orspitals 

 

According to Hug China “A hospital in Wuhan has recently opened VIP patient wards for infertile patients and couples having problems conceiving babies. The wards are furnished with all necessary furniture and tools for easy and successful sex, except condoms. Promoted as a “second nuptial chamber,” the luxury decoration and furniture in the rooms is to encourage pregnancy by inspiring sexual passion in the patients.

The luxury wards — dubbed by the Chinese media as “sex wards” — each have an area of 50 square meters. The standard furnishing includes red lamps, sex toys, automatically adjustable double beds and couches, and pictures illustrating human genital structure. Sex-skill videos, nurses’ uniforms, and flight attendant uniforms are available upon request.”

 

Bet that gets a bit noisy....

Back in fishy Blighty

 

Cheating Matthew Clark, 29, took the first prize worth £800 in an angling competition and proudly posed for photos clutching the 13lb whopper that he had pinched from a Guernsey aquarium on the final day of the competition.

But a rival angler recognised the monster fish following a trip to the aquarium in Guernsey and police were called in to investigate.

Clark was yesterday given 100 hours’ community service after admitting burglary and fraud.

He was allowed to walk free after taking a two-year oath of good behaviour. He will face jail if he breaks the terms.

Clark owed the manager of the island’s St Peter Port Aquarium £1,500 so hatched a plan to break into the aquarium, steal the bass and then return it while paying off some of his debt.

In July last year, on the last day of the Bailiwick Bass Club Open Competition, Clark scaled cliffs, climbed a rope ladder and snuck into the aquarium through a back door.

He dropped and injured the fish while racing to get his “catch” to the 8pm weigh-in at a nearby fishing shop.

The bass tipped the scales at 13lb 13oz – easily beating the runner-up which weighed 10lb 3oz.

Clark, of St Sampson, Guernsey, was congratulated by beaten anglers and was due to pick up his winnings later in the week.

But fellow competitor Shane Bentley, 38, was convinced he had seen the bass somewhere before.

He said: “My wife and I took the kids to the aquarium and saw the bass in a tank – it stood out because it had some very distinct markings on its head.

“It wasn’t until the winning fish was lifted for the photo that I thought, ‘That’s the fish from the aquarium’.

“Next morning, I went to the aquarium and asked to see the bass with the markings. But neither myself nor the owner could find it anywhere.”

Mr Bentley told the contest organisers, who alerted the police. Meanwhile, the thief had panicked and sold the bass to a fishmonger.

But police matched the head of the fish carcass to the missing bass and then arrested Clark.

After failing to reel in officers with a story about catching the fish at a nearby spot, he confessed in full.

 Scales of justice?

 

And finally:

 

East again to the land of hot things and many, many people 

 

 

Stands the palace of winds with 953 windows covering the lace-like facade designed to allow the ladies of the royal court to watch the drama of the streets unobserved behind their delicate latticework.

Known as Hawa Mahal in Hindi, the Palace of the Winds was constructed in 1799 for Maharaja Sawai Pratap Singh as part of the women's section of the enormous City Palace at the center of Jaipur. The facade we see from the street is essentially an enormous screened porch, one room deep in most places. Its distinctive rosy colour comes from the natural sandstone from which it is built which also gives Jaipur its nickname, “The Pink City."

The Palace of the Winds is considered one of the finest examples of Rajput architecture in India.

 

Think you would need more than a bucket and ladder to clean that lot....

 

That’s it: I’m orf to purchase some molecular apes.

 

And today’s thought

A public information announcement fro my old mate Bernard.

How you can tell that an earth-quake is coming!   This is lifesaving information for  people who live near beaches... This is the most reliable and most preferred early warning system known to humans. Please, be responsible and send this to all your friends in earthquake affected areas!   .   Right, that's my good deed for the day done! Enjoy and, thank The Lord for public safety bulletins! Amen

Angus

Black and white Blighty: Post a crime: Abreast of Venus de Milo: Rubbish old fart: Smurfs and fags: and Garlic smuggling.

Minimal lack of warm, maximum lack of skywater, middling atmospheric movement and murky amounts of solar stuff at the Castle this morn, just returned from the stale bread, gruel and his Maj’s food run dahn Tesco, and now I know why their profits are up over the Crimbo thingy-a loaf of bread now costs £1.45, a bag of what used to be £1 fruit is now £1.99, my deodorant has gorn up 50p almost everything else costs more than it did before the “C” period.

The only good news is that all the electronics in the go-Juice bit have gorn tits up and they have had to close it until him/her upstairs decides that they deserve to keep trading.

 

Still having to use HMTL to insert pics into posts, I know what I would like to insert into the tossers at Blogger.

According to Auntie

 

 

More than 13,000 households across the UK are still using black-and-white television sets, London had the highest number of monochrome licences, at 2,715, followed by Birmingham and Manchester, it said.

The number of licences issued each year has dwindled from 212,000 in 2000. A total of 13,202 monochrome licences were in force at the start of 2013.

A black-and-white TV licence costs £49 a year, a colour licence costs £145.50.

TV Licensing spokesman Stephen Farmer said: "It's remarkable that with the digital switchover complete, 41% of UK households owning HDTVs and Britons leading the world in accessing TV content over the internet, more than 13,000 households still watch their favourite programmes on a black-and-white telly."

 

Oh no it isn’t-look at the price difference plonker....

Up in the Smoke

 

 

Victims could report crimes at the Post Office as 65 front desks in police stations across the capital are closed amid sweeping budget cuts of more than £500 million.

Stephen Greenhalgh, the deputy mayor of London, said post offices could be used to replace the “underused” counters as staff were typically security-cleared, used to taking cash and often had secure rooms as well.

The Metropolitan Police, Britain’s biggest force, is looking for more than 200 contact points in supermarkets, community centres and libraries where members of the public could access police services as stations close and is in the early stages of planning a trial with the Post Office.

 

Oh fucking great, now we will have to wait even fucking longer in the queue while some blood soaked mugger’s victim tells his story...

 

Dahn Unda

 

Stonemasonry boss Tom Finlay, 48, was standing 50m from his voluptuous hand-carved Venus de Milo when a flash of white light and an "almighty kaboom" sent stone flying through the air.

Mr Finlay said he was amazed her 30kg breasts had survived the phenomenon.

"There was a clap of thunder and the sculpture blew up like a rocket-launcher had hit it," he said.

"The lightning looked like a serpent.

"Everything disintegrated but the breasts - all that's left is what's under her hips," he added.

The 1.5m high sculpture, made of local porcelanite, was perched on a 6m steel reinforced column.

Shattered stone was strewn about the small courtyard at Finlay's Stonemasonry - near the Stuart Hwy, at Yarrawonga - where the top half of the headless Venus was obliterated about 2.45pm on Friday.

But her breasts withstood the 8m drop on to the stone mural below. Only one nipple was damaged.

Mr Finlay said he had not yet decided the fate of the surviving breasts "I might mount the breasts and hang them in my office." He said.

 

Whatever floats your boat cobber...

Back up a long way to the land below sea level 

 

A 76-year-old man trapped himself in an underground waste paper container in Amsterdam after he clambered in to hunt for a lottery ticket.

Police said in a statement the elderly man managed to open the container and climb in Thursday because he feared he had tossed out a lottery ticket along with other used paper.

Passers-by heard him calling for help and alerted the police who freed him with the help of fire-fighters.

 

Methinks the daft old fart has been visiting too many wacky baccy cafes.

 

Back Dahn Unda

 

Four men who were dressed as Smurfs when they were allegedly involved in an assault at a 7-Eleven have handed themselves into police.

Police said a 37-year-old Pascoe Vale man had been buying cigarettes at a 7-Eleven store, on the corner of West and Pascoe streets, when he was approached by a man painted blue and dressed as a character from the 1980s cartoon, about 1am on December 16.

The Smurf-dressed man asked for a cigarette and was offered one, but demanded the man light it before handing it over.

The man refused and was later assaulted.

A police spokeswoman said the alleged victim passed out in the car park, only realising he had been assaulted when he woke up.

Earlier today, police appealed for the smoking Smurf and his three Smurf mates to come forward.

Two 19-year-old Broadmeadows men, a 19-year-old Greenvale man and an 18-year-old Jacana man handed themselves into police after the appeal.

They are expected to be charged with assault-related offences, police said.

 

Smokin Smurfs....

 

And finally:

 

Way up to the land of ABBA and Volvos 

 

Swedish prosecutors have issued international arrest warrants for two Britons suspected of masterminding a smuggling ring involving over a ton of Chinese garlic.

The men first shipped the garlic to Norway by boat, where it entered the country duty-free since it was considered to be in transit, prosecutor Thomas Ahlstrand said Wednesday. They then drove the approximately 1.2 tons of garlic across the expansive Norwegian-Swedish border, avoiding customs checks and thus Swedish import duties.

Ahlstrand said the men avoided more than $13.1 million in Swedish taxes through the scheme. A lengthy police investigation led to the identification of the two Britons allegedly behind the Swedish operation, which took place in 2009-10.

It was not the first time smugglers had shown a preference for garlic from China, which accounts for nearly 80 percent of world output and is often significantly cheaper than local varieties.

In 2010, Polish authorities seized six containers with 144 tons of Chinese garlic that had been smuggled into the country via the Netherlands.

It was not immediately clear whether the Polish smuggling was linked to the Swedish case.

 

You would have thought that they smelt them coming.

 

That’s it: I’m orf to have a butchers at Mingus

 

And today’s thought:

Police Post 

 

Angus

Piss Poor CQC: Piss Poor Procrastinators: Choccy baby bonces: Bigjigs bids for west coast chuff-chuff line: Vodka tampons: and a Brazilian pussy smuggler.

A touch of lack of warm, a tiddling amount of skywater, toss all atmospheric movement and terminal amounts of solar stuff at the Castle this morn, the toofache has gorn, the garden is in need of more than a fettle and his Maj has discovered the joy of ripping lumps out of the blind venation on the kitchen window. 

Back to using IE and HMTL couldn’t get on with Chrome....

According to Auntie

 

 

The health and care regulator for England has yet to win the public's confidence, according to a highly critical report by a committee of MPs.

The Care Quality Commission (CQC) was only created in 2009 but has been under fire virtually ever since.

The Commons health committee said the CQC has failed to grasp its primary role to ensure patient safety.

Previous reports have found recruitment problems have meant the quantity and quality of inspections have suffered.

Now a new review by the House of Commons' Health Select Committee said despite some recent improvements it was still was not back on track.

Eighteen months ago the cross-party group had produced a report which said the CQC had developed a "tick-box culture" and lost sight of its main role - to protect patients. 

This really isn’t much of a surprise to those unfortunate enough to have to use the NHS “complaints” procedure, if anything the CQC is worse than its predecessor, mainly because it is more interested in its public face than looking after those who have been maimed and killed by shit for brains “Medics”.

 

It is about time that those who cause injury and death to NHS “customers” were held personally responsible for their acts-both in law and financially.

 

And the Ronseal clones

 

Are allegedly going to publish a candid assessment of the Coalition’s successes and failures that was excluded from its Mid-term Review this non-sunny Wednesday.

Last month the Prime Monster reckoned that the Government would provide voters with an audit of which targets it had missed and which it had achieved alongside the official review.

But the annex, which consists of about 100 pages, was not published on Monday. Its existence emerged only when one of U-Turn Cam’s senior advisers was photographed in Downing Street on Tuesday carrying a document that discussed the advantages and disadvantages of releasing it. The audit is understood to concede that the Coalition has missed dozens of pledges covering pensions, road building and criminal justice.

Downing Street insisted on Tuesday that the annex would be published this week and that it had been delayed to allow for the checking of “facts and figures”. However, its existence was unknown to many ministers and advisers.

It is understood that the Coalition has missed more than 70 pledges.  

Above is the picture of the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition’s “successes”, there isn’t enough space to show its failures.

 

Up Norf-ish

 

Like kids? Fancy a snack? Now’s your chance, Annabel de Vetten has been swamped with orders for her life-size, solid white chocolate creation weighing nearly one kilogram and containing 5,000 calories  chocolate baby heads.

Mrs de Vetten, 41, made the first of the £35 heads as a one-off commission and was briefed to produce ‘something that would shock people’.

The heads are too big for most people to bite – so how best to prepare them? Smash them with a hammer, says Mrs de Vetten.

 

That’ll get Esther Rantzen on her broomstick....

 

 

Still in bollixed up Blighty

 

A toy firm that bid for the West Coast Main Line franchise after it was bungled by Government officials has spoken of its surprise at receiving a response.

Bigjigs, which makes children's wooden trains, wrote to Transport Secretary Patrick McLoughlin after the bidding process ended in chaos.

FirstGroup were awarded the franchise but it later emerged officials had messed up their sums and the deal was axed, costing the taxpayer millions.

Bigjigs decided to proffer their services as a joke and in a letter to Mr McLoughlin declared that it should be a "serious candidate" for the role.

"This company has been delivering exceptional service on time and to low cost for its customers for years," the letter said.

It explained that it could offer customers an efficient service on various train models, including the Bullet, Princess and Heritage.

Its trains also had the added bonus of no delays - "our track is not affected by sun, rain, snow, wind or leaves", the missive pointed out.

Every commuter was promised a seat and ministers were reminded that the company "had never, nor never will, have an accident".

Best of all for would-be passengers hit days ago by more fare hikes, the Bigjigs train service is totally free.

"We are confident we will 100% deliver to the 31 million people who travel on the West Coast Main Line every year," communications Chief George Poole wrote.

 

The letter was sent in October just as the rail fiasco erupted and it took almost three months for the Government to respond.

But instead of just firing back an acknowledgement; aides took time to respond to the offer in jest - with clear recommendations for improving the bid.

Mark Reach, private secretary to Mr McLoughlin, welcomed the "helpful proposals" about the train route and says he took a "keen interest" in them.

Continuing the light-hearted theme, he wrote: "I am afraid there are some necessary bureaucratic hurdles you will need to overcome before you are able to run passenger services."

He hailed the "expert craftsmanship and high build quality" of the company's rolling stock but pointed out that wooden carriages might not meet the necessary standards.

"Aluminium might be a better bet," he advised.

His other recommendations showed impressive technical detail, pointing out how the trains could maximise space and increase their suitability for high speeds.

It concludes: "Notwithstanding the above, your vibrant livery would certainly brighten up the railway. Good luck in refining your proposal."

 

My brain hurts.....

 

All over the boozy globe 

 

Apparently the “latest” thing among teens attempting to get pissed is vodka soaked tampons, which work as the alcohol is absorbed directly into the bloodstream.

Allegedly the practise isn’t limited to the female of the species; the tampons can be used by girl’s front bottom bits and boys can shove one up their arse.-also known as “butt chugging” over the big salty thing on the left.

 

Now there’s a marketing gold mine the brewers and chemists have missed out on....

 

And finally:

 

Over to the land of prisons and pussy

 

A cat has been detained at a Brazilian jail after it was caught creeping through the gates with a saw and a mobile phone strapped to its back.

Eagle-eyed prison guards spotted a white cat crossing the main gate of the prison with its body wrapped with tape.

Upon closer inspection, it appeared the feline was in possession of a mobile phone, drills, an earphone, a memory card, batteries, a phone charger and tiny saws, or files.

Officials confirmed the items could be used to carry out an escape plot, or to communicate with criminals in the city.

There are 263 detainees in the prison in Arapiraca, a city of 215,000 people in the state of Alagoas.

All prisoners are being treated as suspects in the plot, which is being investigated by police.

However, the investigation has hit some hurdles.

‘It’s tough to find out who’s responsible for the action as the cat doesn’t speak,’ a prison spokesperson told local paper Estado de S.Paulo.

 

The cat has been taken to an animal disease centre to receive medical care.

Should have gorn to jail breakers.....here kitty, kitty.


 

That’s it: I’m orf to read the revised Climate model forecast

And today’s thought:

I'm sure this tampon should be smaller 

 

 

 



Angus  

 

 

Dumbing dahn: Boomers “costing” the NHS: Big Tablet: Don’t piss orf Icelandair: and her Maj wants a dishwasher.

A middling amount of lack of warm, a massive amount of lack of solar stuff, meandering amounts of atmospheric movement and missing amounts of skywater at the Castle this morn.

I have taken advice from those who visit this piss poor blog and am using Google “Chrome” to post this, don’t really like it because it doesn’t have all the bells and whistles I am used to on IE but needs must.

Bloggers “advice”:

The photo upload icon is not appearing for some users on Internet Explorer. We're investigating the issue and will update this post as soon as we have more information.

In the meantime, you can workaround this issue by using a different browser (such as Chrome or Firefox) or temporarily switching to the Edit HTML mode of the compose editor.

Thanks for that.

Just a comment on the “Ronseal” clones-You do get what it says on the tin; a pair of rich, useless, overeducated, inexperienced mind numbingly arrogant twats.

According to “experts”

The male of the species is getting dumber, Dr Gerald Crabtree, a biologist from Stanford University in the US, thinks that human intelligence peaked at the time of hunter-gatherers and has since declined. He says “genetic mutations” have slowly eroded the human brain’s intellectual and emotional abilities.

According to Dr Crabtree, whose hypothesis has just been published in the journal Trends in Genetics, our ancestors had to think more critically and creatively to survive. When the right decision could mean the difference between life and death, they always had to be at the top of their intellectual game.

With the advent of industrialisation and our mastery of the natural world, that need became less apparent. As a result, natural selection has been weakened and the door opened to genetic mutations that leave us just a little bit dumber.

Dr Crabtree’s hypothesis suggests that all humans are getting dumber. But other research finds that really, it’s mainly just men.

For 100 years men outperformed women in IQ tests, right up until the latest figures were released this July. They showed that women had caught up with men and in many countries had taken a slight lead.

One possible explanation is that women’s lives have become more demanding as they juggle raising a family and doing a job. Another is that women may have a slightly higher potential intelligence than men but have only been able to fully realise it in the last few years.

The research, by renowned IQ expert James Flynn, does offer one crumb of comfort for men. It contradicts Dr Crabtree’s assertion that people are becoming progressively dumber.

“In the last 100 years the IQ scores of both men and women have risen but women’s have risen faster,’ said Flynn. “This is a consequence of modernity. The complexity of the modern world is making our brains adapt and raising our IQ.”

We are fucked guys......

And according to Tory MP Dr Phillip Lee

The NHS can't go on being free if selfish baby boomers consult GPs for the slightest aches and pains and
bother the doctor with minor complaints when their grandparents would have grinned and borne it, and have unrealistic expectations of what the health service can provide.

And his solution is that we are going to have to start paying for some medical services at the point of delivery.

And according to Andrew M Brown who edits The Sunday Telegraph's Comment pages and also writes about mental health and the influence of addiction on culture.

We should applaud Dr Lee’s courage in stating politically unpalatable truths, and his common sense. (He is refreshingly honest, for instance, about how difficult a job dispensing prescriptions is: “It’s like counting Smarties.”) We need to accept reality rather than hand over even more problems to the next generation: if we want to continue to enjoy the sort of health service where GPs are on hand to fuss sympathetically over every twinge, and dish out expensive medicines in vast quantities as well, it is going to cost us more money. Either that, or we will have to learn to be as tough and lacking in self-pity as the wartime generation, and that’s unlikely to happen.

And according to Angus Dei-fuck orf you Twats, we pay our “national insurance” and are entitled to treatment whether you like it or not, if you don’t like being a doctor then go and get a job that you enjoy, and if you want to pay for medical treatment join BUPA.....

Lenovo has got a big one

Lenovo's new PCs have screens the size of eight iPads and can respond to ten fingers touching them at the same time.

The IdeaCentre Horizon Table PC is allegedly the first "interpersonal computer" - as opposed to a "personal computer".

At first glance, it looks like a regular all-in-one machine in the vein of the iMac: it is a 27-inch screen with the innards of a Windows 8 computer built into it and it can stand up on a table.

But you can pick it up off the table, unhook the power cord and lay it flat for games of Monopoly.

It is big enough to fit four people around it and the screen can respond to 10 fingers touching it at the same time.

As a tablet, it is a monstrosity. The screen is the size of eight iPads stitched together and it weighs 15lbs. It is almost as homebound as a flat-panel TV.

The Table PC will include plastic "strikers" for Air Hockey, and joysticks that attach to the screen for other games, including multi-player shooter Raiding Company.

Lenovo, a Chinese company that owns IBM's former PC business, said the Table PC would go on sale this summer starting at £1,060.

Spiffing, I’d like to see the case and keyboard for that.....

High above the big salty thing on the left

A passenger who became unruly after allegedly drinking too much alcohol had to be taped to his seat on a trans-Atlantic flight, witnesses and authorities said.

A photo of the subdued man ended up on a blog run by New York businessman Andy Ellwood, who said he received the picture from an acquaintance who witnessed the incident.

“My friend was on the flight and he sent me the photo because we like to trade travel war stories,” Ellwood told NBC News.

His friend did not want to be identified or talk with the media, Ellwood said, but he recounted the story to him in detail.

The passenger “drank all of his duty free liquor on the flight from Iceland to JFK yesterday,” Ellwood wrote in his blog post.

“When he became unruly, (i.e. trying to choke the woman next to him and screaming the plane was going to crash), fellow passengers subdued him and tie (d) him up for the rest of the flight. He was escorted off the flight by police when it landed.”

Icelandair did not immediately respond to a request for comment, but a spokesman for the airline confirmed the incident to Icelandic media, adding that plastic ties and tape are standard on board flights to help in such situations. 

Aerobatics?

And finally:

Her Maj is looking

For a dishwasher prepared to travel from palace to palace to accompany the Royal Family around Britain.

The travel to royal residences – including the Palace of Holyroodhouse in Edinburgh and Balmoral on ­Deeside – is a “mandatory requirement” for the £14,200-a- year-job. The general catering assistant (wash up) – as it has been formally described – will mainly work in the staff restaurant of the Royal Household but also wash other ­royal dishes too.

“You must be willing to work away from London for up to three months of the year,” says the job advert on the royal website. “You will join the team responsible for maintaining the cleanliness of the staff restaurant, wash-up areas and equipment in accordance with the health and hygiene regulations to ensure the smooth operation of the staff restaurant.”

Although based at Buckingham Palace, the successful ­applicant must “be happy to travel and work at other royal residences in the UK and at weekends”.

The 40-hours-a-week job is an official position paid for from the Civil List. Experience of a similar job is “desirable”. The closing date for ­applications is 15 January.

Be cheaper to buy old Liz a pair of marigolds....

That’s it: I’m orf to give a Sony a bath

And today’s thought:

Message to Dave and what’s his name.

Angus