Once upon a time

In a land known as "dahn 'ere in 'Ampshire" lived a daft old fart who thought it would be a jolly jape to play chase with his young pussy.

Whilst chasing said young pussy up the garden he slipped on some wet grass and went arse over tip crash landing on his right elbow on what was part of the patio and is now crazy paving.

As the elbow swelled the daft old fart being of the male gender decided that if he ignored it, it would go away, three days later the elbow was the size and colour of a small pumpkin and the wiggley things on the end of his handie went numb he reluctantly went to see his general medic bloke who wrote a note saying how silly the daft old fart was and sent him (with note) to the most feared place in the area just over the border in Surrey-Grimley Dark.

The daft old fart managed to drive his carriage to the most feared place called Grimley Dark 'orspital and after many. many, many hours whilst watching the ransom on his carriage reach vast proportions was taken to have a magic picture taken and was relieved to find that the hard bits inside his elbow were still intact which meant that the organic mechanics didn't get their chance to slice and dice the damaged portion of his anatomy.

So after many, many many more hours (whilst the ransom on his carriage almost matched the deficit) the daft old fart was sent back to his Castle with a large paper bag full of pills and things and his arm encased in what seemed to be a drainpipe just to make it even more difficult to do "things".

What followed over the next four weeks were several more trips to his general medic bloke, more than three times several trips to the physiotherapy do-dah a couple of injections to the damaged elbow and the inability to blog.

Finally the drain pipe was removed, the pills ran out and his general medic bloke told him to sod orf the daft old fart was able to once again put fuctioning fingers to keyboard and produce his normal load of old bollocks.

So the rumours of my demise are greatly exagerated, and unfortunately for you I am still here...



And the moral of this sad tale-if you are a daft old fart and want to chase young pussy-wear spiked running shoes.


Angus

Aunties high cost rail: Most money-least tax: Bubble houses: Mac flashback: and an Elephant on mars.

A slight lack of warm stuff at the Castle this morn, but Dawn’s crack was quite impressive and the big yellow thing is climbing into the sky.

The garden is looking much better with more than a whimsy of wet stuff and I have been ‘spring cleaning’ the large cupboards-yet another trip to the “recycling centre” in due course, but I did find a sundial which has lain in repose for about thirty years (since the 1980s) and will go into the ‘new corner’ of the Castle grounds-pics to follow.

In “austerity” Blighty

According to the Torygraph the BBC has spent more than £2 million ferrying and flying staff and guests between London, Manchester and Salford in two years, despite promising to employ more people locally.

New figures show the public service broadcaster paid for more than 24,000 train journeys and at least 500 flights between the capital and the North West, where its new media centre is based.

The train travel bill totalled more than £1.84 million while air mileage cost licence fee-payers nearly £77,000.

The corporation’s bill for rail journeys increased by nearly 30 per cent in 12 months, the figures released under Freedom of Information laws show.

The statistics cover journeys made through the public broadcasters “central booking agents” for the financial years 2009/10 and 2010/11.

It covers journeys made by staff from all BBC departments and also includes travel undertaken by guests.

I can’t afford to use the chuff-chuffs anymore; still it is nice to know that Auntie is so generous...

Parallel universe time

Apparently alien reptile in disguise George (I have so much money that I need several bank accounts) Osborne is "shocked" that some of the UK's richest people have organised their finances so that they pay virtually no income tax.

George (oh god we have been rumbled) said he had seen "anonymised copies" of tax returns which showed him that some of the highest earners paid an income tax rate averaging at just 10%.

He said he would take "further action" but did not outline any new proposals.

At least not until he has managed to have a word with his accountants....

West to the warm bit of the ex-colonies (and back more than half a century)

The Bubble Houses are two historic bubble or airform houses located next to each other in Florida.

Completed in 1954 by Air-form, the Bubble Houses were designed by Eliot Noyes using the airform monolithic dome system developed by Wallace Neff, which consists of reinforced concrete cast in place over an inflated balloon to establish the house’s shape.

The original interiors of the houses consisted of a bathroom and open concept living, dining, and kitchen area on the 569 square feet (52.9 m2) main floor, with a loft-style, raised sleeping space above.

They were built to sell for $6,500. Shortly after their completion, it was stated that more than 3,000 people had toured the newly constructed bubble houses.

The two bubble houses were featured in Life magazine in its February 22, 1954, issue, which described them as “both hurricane-proof and bugproof”.

Not “inflation” proof though.....

A message to all those smug Mac users

Last Thursday the computer security industry buzzed with warnings that more than a half-million Macintosh computers may have been infected with a virus targeting Apple machines.

Flashback Trojan malware tailored to slip past "Mac" defences is a variation on viruses typically aimed at personal computers (PCs) powered by Microsoft's Windows operating systems.

The infections, spotted "in the wild" by Finland-based computer security firm F-Secure and then quantified by Russian anti-virus program vendor Dr. Web, come as hackers increasingly take aim at Apple computers.

"All the stuff the bad guys have learned for doing attacks in the PC world is now starting to transition to the Mac world," McAfee Labs director of threat intelligence Dave Marcus told AFP.

"Mac has said for a long time that they are not vulnerable to PC malware, which is true; they are vulnerable to Mac malware."

Dr. Web determined that more than 600,000 Mac computers may be infected with Flashback, which is designed to let hackers steal potentially valuable information such as passwords or financial account numbers.

Hackers trick Mac users into downloading the virus by disguising it as an update to Adobe Flash video viewing software.

  

You have been warned....

And finally:

There is an Elephant in the cosmos

The image above is actually of the dried flood of lava over the Elysium Planitia volcanic region of Mars, as captured by the Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter.

Wouldn’t want to have to clear up after that...

That’s it: I’m orf to look for goldfish in the moat

And today’s thought:

I hope u-turn Cam has the right clothes with him.

Angus

Smoke ‘n’ mirrors: 00Семь: Less for more: Hotel Broadmoor: Watch this: and Quantum tunnelling.

More than a whimsy of wet stuff at the Castle this morn; dark and dingy too, in fact if it continues I may need a dinghy...

Finally finished the garden-spread the 8 bags of free compost around the beds and managed to go arse over tip while playing chase with his Maj on the moss-twisted an ankle and did even more damage to the right elbow.

The moral is-old farts shouldn’t forget that although the mind operates at the age of 12 years the body doesn’t...

I see that Knobhead Lansley is still living in a parallel universe

And has had yet another pop at smokers, this time he reckons that putting nicotine stuff behind doors will: a; help more addicts give up, b; ensure “we no longer see smoking as a part of life”, and c; stop encouraging young people to start smoking, and has put totally imaginary adverts on the box pretending that we will kill all our babies.

Couple of points:

Smokers contribute Billions more in taxes than they take out from the NHS, they die younger and therefore reduce the pension bill and if everyone gave up tomorrow the money lost will have to be recouped from those miserable sods of non smokers and the even more miserable ex-smokers.

Serves em right...

According to MI 4+1 and 2

Russia has as many spies operating in Britain today as it did during the Cold War, security services believe.

Up to half the staff at the Russian embassy in London could be involved in intelligence gathering, a senior source told The Daily Telegraph.

Around 40 Moscow spies are believed to be operating in this country at any one time. Some are involved in traditional state espionage, while others monitor London-based oligarchs or engage in industrial spying for the commercial benefit of Russian firms.

There are fears Russia will ramp up its efforts over the coming months while the UK security services focus on the Olympic Games and the Queen’s Jubilee celebrations.

Har, bleedin har-they are expecting to gather “intelligence” about the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition; I hope they copy all they have done-that will fuck up Russia even more...

And talking of the shirt lifting Eton dorm gang

Thanks to the Piss Poor Policies perpetrated by the self elected Millionaires Club Coalition spending on welfare payments, schools and hospitals will have to be slashed by billions of pounds more than the Government has planned for as a result of economic downturn, Treasury estimates revealed yesterday.

The cuts – more than £10bn a year by 2016 – are likely to result in further swingeing reductions to benefits and public sector services well beyond the next election.

A cut of £10bn in the welfare budget roughly equates to an average of £500 a year for each of the 18 million people on benefits – a £10-a-week prospective drop in income for the poorest families. The current spending round has already has seen £18bn in welfare cuts.

On top of this, further departmental spending cuts are expected to be necessary – at a rate similar to the current reductions.

Alien reptile in disguise George (Bullingdon club bore) Osborne said “at current rates the welfare budget was set to rise and consume a third of all public sector spending”.

"If nothing is done to curb welfare bills further, then the full weight of the spending restraint will fall on departmental budgets," he said.

He added that even if the rate of cuts imposed on departmental budgets were to continue beyond the current spending review period they would need to find further savings in welfare payments of £10 bn by 2016.

"The next spending review will have to confront this," the Chancellor said.

Still, it won’t be their problem by 2016...

Mental NHS trust

Parts of Broadmoor high-security psychiatric hospital could be turned into hotel and housing under plans announced by its NHS owners.

West London Mental Health NHS Trust hopes to interest a developer to convert the old Grade II Victorian buildings at Crowthorne, Berks.

Officials said the plans would help fund a £254million redevelopment of the remaining facilities at the hospital.

The homes and hotel rooms would be just a few hundred metres away from the new psychiatric unit but would be shielded by trees outside the high security perimeter.

Last month Bracknell Forest Council approved plans for an upgrade of the hospital, which will have 10 new wards, providing accommodation for 210 patients.

Construction of the new building in the high security facility is expected to start in the autumn of 2013. It is expected to open to patients in late 2016.

Wonder if there be will a rush of bookings....

Right to one of the places that isn’t back in the USSR

40-year-old Ukrainian artist Dmitriy Khristenkho creates intricate miniature models of motorcycles using component originating from watches. Khristenkho carefully breaks up the watches, shaping each part using a grindstone to ensure they are all the perfect size and shape before spending hours painstakingly gluing each component by hand. Each motorcycle can take anything up to 50 hours to complete. The complex creations sell for more than £300 each, with demand for personalized bespoke models rising.

That works out about six squids an hour...cheap at half the price.

And finally:

Back in Blighty to the place that isn’t Oxford

Scientists at the Cavendish Laboratory in Cambridge have used light to help push electrons through a classically impenetrable barrier. While quantum tunnelling is at the heart of the peculiar wave nature of particles, this is the first time that it has been controlled by light. Their research is published today, 05 April, in the journal Science.

Particles cannot normally pass through walls, but if they are small enough quantum mechanics says that it can happen. This occurs during the production of radioactive decay and in many chemical reactions as well as in scanning tunnelling microscopes.

According to team leader, Professor Jeremy Baumberg, “the trick to telling electrons how to pass through walls, is to now marry them with light”. 

This marriage is fated because the light is in the form of cavity photons, packets of light trapped to bounce back and forth between mirrors which sandwich the electrons oscillating through their wall.

Research scientist Peter Cristofolini added: “The offspring of this marriage are actually new indivisible particles, made of both light and matter, which disappear through the slab-like walls of semiconductor at will.”

One of the features of these new particles, which the team christened ‘dipolaritons’, is that they are stretched out in a specific direction rather like a bar magnet. And just like magnets, they feel extremely strong forces between each other.

Such strongly interacting particles are behind a whole slew of recent interest from semiconductor physicists who are trying to make condensates, the equivalent of superconductors and superfluids that travel without loss, in semiconductors.

Being in two places at once, these new electronic particles hold the promise of transferring ideas from atomic physics into practical devices, using quantum mechanics visible to the eye.

Yeah right...I think...beam me up Scotty...

That’s it: I’m orf to get some smart clothing

And today’s thought: 

Natural physics

Angus

Do as I say-three core: Snowball’s chance: Law flaws: Towns for sale: and I don’t have a wooden car.

Damp, dingy and dismal at the Castle this morn, no post yesterday, the interweb thingy went tits up-not sure why, it could have been my “internet provider” or it could have been the sky water getting into the underground cables.

And by the time it came back on at around 9 of the pm I couldn’t be arsed to put digit to keyboard.

Three Core Cable has bored us all with his whingeing about the lack of apprenticeships

But it seems that the old fart has been accused of failing to “practise what he preaches” after it emerged his own department has stopped offering apprenticeships.

After claiming to be “very proud” of the Government’s commitment to funding apprenticeships at a time when budgets are tight, it turns out that his own Department for Business, Innovation and Skills is no longer taking on new candidates on its own apprentice programme because of the spending cuts.

Figures show the department had 30 apprentices just before the Coalition came to power.

However, this more than halved to 14 over the course of last year and there will be between six and 10 remaining from this year.

Useless tosspot...

Up Norf a bit

Frightened postal workers have been banned from delivering letters to one notoriously hazardous address after being repeatedly 'attacked' by a three-year-old cat called Snowball.

Following a thorough investigation the Royal Mail has stopped its workers from delivering mail to the address after labelling the black and white moggy a 'health and safety risk'.

Despite being described as 'absolutely harmless' by owner Ian Wilkinson, the UK's postal service said Snowball posed an 'unacceptably high level of risk'.

Royal Mail said three employees suffered 'quite deep cuts' after all being attacked by the 10inch tall feline.

Mr Wilkinson, 46, said he was shocked when he received a letter from Royal Mail saying its workers would no longer be delivering mail to his home in Peterborough, Cambridgeshire.

Royal Mail has insisted Mr Wilkinson will not receive any mail until an 'alternative safe delivery point' has been put in place.

A spokesman added: 'There are around 4,000 animal attacks a year on Royal Mail people.

'These attacks cause great distress and in too many cases serious injuries.'

Pussy Post persons....

All over backward Blighty

Hundreds of obscure laws which date back as far as the 14th century should be swept away in a bid to clear up the statute book, it has been claimed.

A joint report by the Law Commission for England and Wales and Scottish Law Commission said there are as many as 817 entire acts and sections of a further 50 that need repealed.

The oldest, dating from around 1322, regulated how animals should be taken to pay the king’s debts, including details on how they should be fed, cared for and sold, and what livestock should be exempt.

The most recent provision recommended for the scrapheap in the 19th Statute Law (Repeals) Bill is a tax provision from 2010.

Examples of redundant laws applied to Scotland include 16 acts passed between 1798 and 1828 to tax pints of ale, beer or bitter to raise funds for public works.

Or you could have-The abolition of imprisonment for debt brought about by the Debtors Act 1869, further 16 old enactments which were passed between 1798 and 1828 to tax pints of ale, beer or bitter brewed or sold in certain parts of Scotland in order to raise funds for building roads should also be scrapped, the report said.

* An 1800 Act to hold a lottery to win the £30,000 Pigot Diamond after its owners failed to sell it because its value, "the equal of any known diamond in Europe", was too great;

* Some 40 Acts relating to the City of Dublin and passed by Parliament before Ireland was partitioned in 1921;

* A 1696 Act to fund the rebuilding of St Paul's Cathedral after the Great Fire of 1666;

* A 1710 Act to raise coal duty to pay for 50 new churches in London;

* A total of 38 obsolete Acts relating to railway companies operating in British India and the wider East Indies.

Or even:

Wearing armour in Parliament.

Keeping a whale from the King

Beating a carpet in London

Hanging your washing across the street

Minding a cow while drunk

Firing a cannon near a house

Starting but not finishing a railway

Running a farm on your doorstep

Eating the Queen’s Swans

One they should keep is: Knocking and running (knock dahn Ginger) 

And one they should lose is the 1799 income tax rip orf introduced as a means of paying for the war against the French forces under Napoleon.

Because I think that conflict is just about over now...

Over to the land of the Zip code and the home of empty towns

Buford, Wyoming, the nation's smallest town, will lose its long-time - and only - resident on Thursday when the outpost along Interstate 80 is auctioned off to the highest bidder.

The minimum bid for Buford, 10-plus acres with a convenience store-cum-gas station situated between the capital city of Cheyenne and Laramie, Wyoming, is $100,000 for a sale to take place in town at noon local time.

Buford is one of two tiny Western towns to be sold by owners whose spouses have died and whose adult children have moved on.

Pray, Montana, population 8, is on the market for $1.4 million, a price realtors say is a steal for property just north of Yellowstone National Park in the scenic Paradise Valley.

Both communities sprang to life amid Western settlement in the late 19th and early 20th centuries when railroads brought people, supplies and prosperity to frontier towns, some of which failed to flourish despite hype by land speculators.

At least there won’t be any problems with neighbours....

And finally:

Right to the land of BMW boxes

A wooden 1955 Mercedes Benz 300SL Gullwing classic car has sold for £5,000 on eBay, Hand-carved from wood and listed as being on sale in the German city of Duisberg, the 1:1 scale replica comes with front wheels that actually steer, The seats also look to be authentic and in keeping with the original car’s style.

The dashboard and interior also appear to be very detailed

No MOT needed, but a woodworm check every couple of years would be advisable...

That’s it: I’m orf to print a couple of robots

And today’s thought:

Magic...

Angus

Elf and expenses: Rent a McLaren: Mooving Civic: Underground subs: and a Choco-holiday.

Coldish, cloudyish and calmish at the Castle this morn, apart from a bit of minor vandalism the garden is sorted and those nice people at the Met office are even predicting a smidge of sky water.

I had beans on toast for my supper last day before eve and yesterday I went to an aboriginal art thingy, the beans did their job and as the old song goes-

I left my fart near sandy frescos...

From the second largest city to the largest city in barmy Blighty

Sir David Nicholson, the chief executive of the health service in England who told the NHS it had to find savings of £20bn over four years, is facing questions about his own ability to budget after details of his latest travel costs were published by the Department of Health.

They reveal that the NHS is spending £5,000 a month on his travel and hotel accommodation expenses. In the three months to September last year, the Department of Health spent £4,329 on his rail fares, £3,188 on hotel accommodation and £8,000 on an official car and driver.

Sir David is one of the best-paid civil servants in the country, with a basic salary of more than £200,000. But despite his job being primarily based in London, under a deal struck with the Department several years ago he is allowed to live in Birmingham and have his journeys to London paid for by the taxpayer.

The Department of Health also paid for the cost of a London flat where he stayed during the week until last year. That arrangement has now ended but, as a consequence, the Department has started paying for London hotel accommodation for its most senior civil servant and more first-class rail journeys to and from Birmingham.

In just one week in July last year, it paid £480 for what appears to be just three rail journeys to London from Birmingham described as "attending an internal meeting", and £774 on what was described as "accommodation and meals".

A number of the rail journeys between London and Birmingham appear to cost up to £240 each.

A spokeswoman for the Department of Health said that it did all it could to ensure good value for money.

Bollocks...

Somewhere on the Interweb

British drivers have been offered the chance to hire the £212,000 McLaren MP4-12C by Hertz, the car rental company.

The price tag is likely to hinder all but the most affluent travellers, however. One day’s rental starts at £1,134.30, although this drops to a slightly more modest £906.30 for rentals lasting more than 28 days.

The car – designed by the same company responsible for Lewis Hamilton’s Formula 1 vehicle – features a 3.8-litre V8 twin-turbo engine, which produces 592bhp. It has a top speed of more than 200mph, and can accelerate from 0 to 60mph in 2.8 seconds and from 0 to 124mph in 8.9 seconds. In July 2011, it registered the second-fastest lap around the Top Gear track.

However, anyone considering a trip to the German autobahns, to put the car through its paces, will be sorely disappointed. According to the terms and conditions, drivers are not permitted to take the car abroad.

Hertz is offering the car through its brand HertzSuperCars.com. According to the website, a damage waiver is not available. Should you scratch the paintwork, or worse, the excess charge is £5,000.

Michel Taride, president of Hertz International and executive vice-president of Hertz Corporation, said: “Hertz aspires to offer truly innovative rental experiences to our customers, and the spell-binding McLaren MP4-12C provides an opportunity of a lifetime to experience Formula 1 race-bred technologies on the road.”

Also available through the website is the Ferrari 458 Italia (from £826.50 per day), the Ferrari F430 Spyder (from £507.30 per day) and the Aston Martin DB9 (from £450.30 per day).

Think I may pass on that....

Left to the later bit of Mexico

Three men are accused of stealing a 220-pound calf and driving off with the bovine in the back seat of a Honda Civic, New Mexico authorities said.

The Luna County Sheriff's Office said Jose Coronado, 26, Gerardo Gonzalez-Balderas, 20, and Salvador Balderas-Gonzalez, 23, were pulled over around 3 a.m. Friday for speeding and the deputy was shocked to see a 220-pound Holistein calf in the back seat of the car, The Carlsbad (N.M.) Current Argus reported Monday.

The men, who work for a Sierra County ranch, initially told the deputy they were allowed to have the animal but later allegedly admitted they had taken the calf without permission.

The men were charged with felony counts of larceny of livestock and conspiracy as well as misdemeanour counts of lack of a bill of sale and exporting livestock.

Amazing what you can fit in a Civic...

East to the land of sub-basements

37-year-old Zhang Wuyi builds mini submarines in a makeshift workspace in the basement of a disused building. When he started off, he worked alone. Today, he has three orders under his belt and also employs ten workers. His submarine models are capable of diving up to 30 meters under sea level and travel at 20 kph for 10 hours. They can seat two people and also contain oxygen tanks and video cameras. The walls are made of wrought iron. It takes Wuyi up to a month to build a submarine, and each one sells for about $31,000.

Wuyi’s ‘small and simple’ submarines are aimed at local fishermen. The first and only sold sub so far was purchased by Cong Zhijie, a sea cucumber farmer. He says, “I was brave enough to be the first user of the submersible, but that machine helped me catch up to 50kg of sea cucumbers in 40 minutes.” The second submarine is currently under construction at Wuyi’s basement factory.

Think I’ll pass on that one as well…

 

And finally:

Up North

A chocolate shop in Yorkshire is offering sweet-toothed travellers the opportunity to spend the night in their factory during Easter.

The “chocolate suite” – on offer from today until April 8, courtesy of the Little Chocolate Shop in Leyburn – features edible furnishings, a chocolate fountain and a fancy dress box filled with Wonka-esque accessories, aprons and toques.

Guests will be free to watch chocolate being made in the factory, before ending their stay with a chocolate breakfast.

However, they are advised to be out of bed by 10am, when the factory begins accepting visitors on regular tours. The chocolate furnishings, which include plants and ornaments, are restocked each day.

Num, nun, mind you if you live dahn in the Smoke apparently the train fare will be £240 or more.....

 

That’s it: I’m orf to capture some Carbon

And today’s thought:

Spectator sport.

Angus  

Toeing the line: Snooper blooper: Man bites dog: Hand in your headlight holders: Big snake in the Big Apple: and Bear faced intruder.

Cold and clement at the Castle this morn, just returned from the stale bread, gruel and his Maj’s food run dahn Tesco-usual chaos-and as I passed the go-juice bit I see that unleaded has reached £1.40 per litre and the oily stuff is even more expensive.

While I dusted the fire yestermorn I had a bit of a shock-as it is that week where being nailed to several large bits of wood seems to be in certain people’s minds I noticed that the face of him upstairs has appeared on a bit of my coal-oh-err-holy coal hole?

Meanwhile according to ‘experts’ over the pond

Politicians with large big toes are more likely to succeed at the ballot box, American academics from the University of Strangersbarre, writing in the Journal of Biomechanical Politics, claimed to have established a striking relationship between the electoral success of politicians and the length of their largest foot phalange.

Five hundred and eighty seven politicians, mostly at state-level politics, participated in the research. Their careers were monitored over a period of ten years after initial measurements were taken in 1998.

"Our study has shown toe size can be a surprisingly important factor in the career success of a politician," lead researcher Professor Kham Elto said.

Which explains why the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition all have small feet...

 

And U-Turn Cam is in a bit of bovver

Over the half arsed plans for a major expansion of the Government's powers to monitor the email exchanges and website visits of every person in the UK.

Under legislation expected in next month's Queen's Speech, internet companies will be instructed to install hardware enabling GCHQ - the Government's electronic "listening" agency - to examine "on demand" any phone call made, text message and email sent, and website accessed, in "real time" without a warrant. 

That’s me buggered then...

East to the place where they nailed a certain person to several lumps of wood

Officials in Kfar Saba, Israel, have a bone to pick with an unruly suspect after the man bit the police dog sent into a cell to subdue him.

The man was initially detained by authorities for breaching a restraining order issued by his spouse. After the police showed up at the woman's home, the suspect reportedly threatened to jump out of a window and attempted to assault an officer with a screwdriver, according to Ynetnews.com.

After the officers took the suspect to the station, he again became unruly, which prompted them to send in the dog. While the canine cop managed to bring down the man, the suspect still managed to chomp down on the animal's ear.

The suspect kept biting the dog's ear until cops finally pried his jaws away and shepherded the German Shepherd away from its attacker, according to the Jerusalem Post.

Police said the dog suffered very minor injuries to its ear, and has already received treatment.

Num, num...

Back in bra-less Blighty

British charity Oxfam is calling on women in the UK to donate their unwanted bras to help females in West Africa.

British women are hoarding nearly STG1.2 billion ($A1.85 billion) worth of unworn bras, or nine each, according to Oxfam.

The charity's Big Bra Hunt aims to collect one million bras during April with the support of celebrities including Dame Helen Mirren, Zoe Ball and Miquita Oliver.

Many of the bras will be sold in Oxfam's high-street shops across the UK to raise money for the charity's work worldwide. Others will be sent to the charity's Frip Ethique (ethical second-hand clothing) project in Senegal.

A poll for Oxfam found that one-third of all women who have bras they no longer wear keep them because they forget they own them. Ten per cent did not know charities accepted second-hand bras.

Oxfam said the complex manufacturing required to make bras meant very few developing countries produced their own, making them one of the most desirable items in West African second-hand clothing markets.

 

Hanging out in Africa?

Left across the big salty thing

A prehistoric monster snake is making a quick stopover in New York City's Grand Central Terminal.

The full-scale replica of the Titanoboa ty-(tan-uh-BOH'-ah) was unveiled Thursday as a promotion for an exhibition at the Smithsonian's National Museum of Natural History in Washington, D.C.

When it roamed the Earth, the snake was 48 feet long and weighed 2,500 pounds.

Titanoboa was discovered in 2005 among a trove of fossils in one of the world's largest open-pit coal mines in Colombia. It lived more than 60 million years ago when dinosaurs no longer ruled.

The travelling exhibit runs from March 30 through Jan. 6, 2013. A special documentary will air on the Smithsonian Channel on April 1.

The giant reptile heads for Washington on Friday evening.

Good job it hasn’t got any toes-it could be the next President...

And finally:

Up a bit

Louis Reardon got the shock of his life when he leapt out of bed to his son's cries of "Polar bear!"

Mr Reardon said his 29-year-old son, Damien, woke up to the bear breaking open their dining room door in Newfoundland, Canada overnight.

The 55-year-old father said he fired two shots over the bear's head to frighten it.

"A polar bear doesn't usually back down," he said.

His cousin, Daniel Reardon, said the bear broke in doors at three other homes and killed sheep and ducks at a nearby stable without stopping to eat them.

Royal Canadian Mounted Police said wildlife officers shot the bear, which witnesses estimate weighed at least 135 kilograms.

 

Still, it will make a nice rug in front of the fire-but don’t forget to check out your coal...

That’s it: I’m orf to search for giant Octopuses in the moat-just in case.

And today’s thought:

Does my bum look big in this?

Angus  

Where’s you bin?: Dear dinner: More mash Vicar?: Maple syrup: and National cleavage day.

Cold, calm and still dry at the Castle this first of April morn, the garden is almost sorted, the Castle is shining like a new pin and his Maj has discovered the joy of pouncing on the stuff finally delivered by Royal Mail and shredding it before I can throw it in the recycling bin.

And talking of bins

It seems that local councils don’t want to take advantage of the £250 million discovered in Son of a B.......aronet (and alien reptile in disguise) George (my bins are emptied by servants) Osborne’s pants draw to reinstate weekly wheelie bin collections, but instead want to use the dosh to on schemes to increase recycling and collect only food scraps — not black bags — once a week. One even applied for money for a fleet of “low carbon” refuse trucks.

According to the Torygraph:

96 councils are not applying for funds. Most of them have already abandoned weekly collections, and 58 of the 96 are Conservative authorities

34 will apply for money but only to introduce weekly food waste collections, or increase the number of homes covered, rather than bring in a full service

31 wanted money for plans which will do nothing to bring back weekly collections, including sat nav systems for rubbish Lorries, more giant communal bins and even “nappy recycling” schemes

Two councils were in the process of ditching weekly collections — but were still applying to the scheme for funding for weekly food collections

Only 17 authorities which currently have full weekly collections said they would apply for money to guarantee their future.

Oh dear, what a “Pickle” Eric.......

Left to the place where the unsinkable never reached

A restaurant in Houston is offering what it calls the Titanic Experience: a 10-course meal comprised of similar dishes served to the ill-fated ship's first class passengers the night they met their demise-allegedly.

The whole event lasts for four hours, from the wine and beef appetizer to the after dinner cheese. To make the experience even more authentic, guests are given the chance to sample a bottle of Armagnac brandy from the year 1900 by the end of the night.

Cullen's restaurant special Titanic package was created to commemorate the 100th anniversary of the ship's sinking on April 15 and will only set you back $12,000… 

Num, num, num-not….bit too much salt for me…

Up North 

A vicar claims a potato got stuck up his bottom after he fell on to the vegetable while hanging curtains in the nude.

The clergyman, in his 50s, told medical staff at Sheffield's Northern General Hospital that the accident was definitely not due to a sex game.

He had to undergo surgery to extract the spud from his backside, according to The Sun.

A&E nurse Trudi Watson said: 'He explained to me, quite sincerely, he had been hanging curtains naked in the kitchen when he fell backwards on to the kitchen table and on to a potato.

'But it's not for me to question his story.'

And we all know that the clergy don’t tell lies…..

Left again and up a smidge

Apparently there is plenty of go-juice in Canada but a dearth of maple syrup, an unseasonably warm winter is being blamed for a maple syrup shortage in much of North America this year, and with a number of maple syrup festivals taking place in coming weeks true connoisseurs of Canadian cuisine and culture are beginning to panic. 

Mind you if that’s how they collect it no wonder there’s not a lot of it-I suggest that they fill up jerry cans just in case...

And finally:

Back in pert Blighty

Yesterday a harem of scantily-clad women strolled down Oxford Street in nothing more than their underwear.

The gang risked causing a pile-up on the busy road as they merrily flaunted their bodies in a variety of lingerie.

The stunt marked the opening of the new Ann Summers store on nearby Wardour Street, as well as National Cleavage Day this Saturday.

NCD is held annually to celebrate women's independence and power in their careers and relationships.

The recruited crew came in all shapes and sizes to show prospective Ann Summers customers that there's something for everyone inside its new store.

 Why do I keep missing these things?

That’s it: I’m orf to check out my apps

And today’s thought:

Keep an eye out for spaghetti trees

Angus