Charlie and the “über-technical land yacht”: Japanese face pants: A couple of brain dead bong bangers: Letting rip at 30,000 ft: and Einstein-Rosen bridges.

A nice snatch of Dawn’s crack, oodles of scrapey, scrapey stuff, nary a breath of atmospheric movement and quite a lot of lack of warm at the Castle this morn, just returned from the stale bread, gruel and his Maj’s food run dahn Gee-up Tesco, the freezer thingies are full to bursting with Spag-Bol, “beef” hot pot and many, many other “processed” food stuffs from bovine sources, I took the calculator to sort out the cat food multi-buy/discount things and the cash machine decided it only wanted to hand out twenty squid notes which pleased the till operator no end.

 

Apparently due to a withdrawal of labour by Aunties “journalists” there is no news today so here is what I have managed to dredge from the interweb thingy.

 

Apparently old fart Charlie and the old nag are about to get a new motor

The £300,000 BMW is being considered by security chiefs after the royal couple’s limo was ambushed by a mob during student fees protests in December 2010.

The Prince and his wife looked shaken as demonstrators chanted “Off with their heads” and pelted the car with paint and bottles, smashing a window.

The BMW 760 – currently being tested by Scotland Yard – is capable of repelling bullets and gas, and has a removable bulletproof windscreen for an emergency exit.

Ex-head of royal protection Dai Davies said its planned use “marks recognition that after the disaster of the attack during the student riots, proper care is being taken to ensure the royal couple are secure”.

Dubbed an “über-technical land yacht”, the German model could be brought in to use later this year.

But Labour MP John Spellar said instead of choosing BMW, “police bureaucrats” should support British carmakers and go for a Jaguar.

 

Which is owned by India’s Tata....there’s a coincidence

 

East to the land where radiation has had no effect at all

The latest fashion trend sweeping Japan is schoolgirls wearing panties on their heads.

Photos are popping up of Japanese schoolgirls donning panty masks while doing mundane activities like laundry and performing karaoke.

Apparently Japanese superhero “Hentai Kamen” has inspired the trend. Billed as “the abnormal superhero” under salutations such as “panty bless you,” Hentai Kamen is a strange “homo-erotic parody of a Power Ranger” who wears panties on his head to conceal his identity and … nothing else.

Hope they washed them first....

 

West to the home of the lucky and the land of the idiot

Two brothers who were celebrating a $75,000 winning lottery ticket by purchasing marijuana and meth accidentally blew up their house on Friday, said Sgt. Bruce Watts of the Wichita Police Department.

The explosion sent one of the brothers – a 27-year-old – to the hospital, where he remains in serious but stable condition with second-degree burns on his hands, arms and chest.

The other brother was sent to jail, Watts said.

The brothers were in a house in the 100 block of North Nevada Court, near Douglas and West Street, about 7 p.m. Friday, Watts said. One of the brothers went to the kitchen to refuel the butane torches they planned to use to light their bongs. He emptied a couple of large cans of butane lighter fluid, leaking butane into the air.

“The butane vapour reached the pilot light in the furnace, and as you might expect, ka-boom,” Watts said.

The victim was wearing a lottery T-shirt during the explosion.

The victim’s girlfriend loaded him and some children into a car and took him to the Via Christi Hospital on St. Francis emergency room, where she dropped him off and left.

Officers went to the house with a warrant, where the other brother ran out, admitting he had marijuana and methamphetamine. He was arrested.

 

Natural justice?

 

According to “scientists”

 

In their report titled, 'Flatulence On Airplanes: Just Let It Go,' published in the New Zealand Medical Journal Friday, a team of British and Danish gastroenterologists suggest it's healthier to pass wind than fight the turbulence brewing within.

We tend to fart more on a plane because of changes in the volume of intestinal gasses as cabin pressure changes, they said, and restraining gas could lead to a raft of "significant drawbacks" including discomfort, pain, bloating, indigestion, stress and heartburn.

As well, battling the body's need to break wind could be problematic for those afflicted with fart incontinence or those who had fallen asleep, leaving both groups open to the embarrassment of involuntary farts triggered by turbulence, coughing and sneezing.

Other than assaulting fellow passengers' nasal passages, taking the advice of the researchers has other drawbacks.

"Obviously, proximity to other passengers may cause conflict and stigmatization of the farting individual," the team said.

 

No shit..... 

And finally:

 

According to other “scientists”

 

Our universe could be located within the interior of a wormhole which itself is part of a black hole that lies within a much larger universe.

Such a scenario in which the universe is born from inside a wormhole (also called an Einstein-Rosen Bridge) is suggested in a paper from Indiana University theoretical physicist Nikodem Poplawski in Physics Letters B. The final version of the paper was available online March 29 and will be published in the print edition April 12. Poplawski takes advantage of the Euclidean-based coordinate system called isotropic coordinates to describe the gravitational field of a black hole and to model the radial geodesic motion of a massive particle into a black hole. In studying the radial motion through the event horizon (a black hole's boundary) of two different types of black holes -- Schwarzschild and Einstein-Rosen, both of which are mathematically legitimate solutions of general relativity -- Poplawski admits that only experiment or observation can reveal the motion of a particle falling into an actual black hole. But he also notes that since observers can only see the outside of the black hole, the interior cannot be observed unless an observer enters or resides within. "This condition would be satisfied if our universe were the interior of a black hole existing in a bigger universe," he said. "Because Einstein's general theory of relativity does not choose a time orientation, if a black hole can form from the gravitational collapse of matter through an event horizon in the future then the reverse process is also possible. Such a process would describe an exploding white hole: matter emerging from an event horizon in the past, like the expanding universe." A white hole is connected to a black hole by an Einstein-Rosen bridge (wormhole) and is hypothetically the time reversal of a black hole. Poplawski's paper suggests that all astrophysical black holes, not just Schwarzschild and Einstein-Rosen black holes may have Einstein-Rosen bridges, each with a new universe inside that formed simultaneously with the black hole. "From that it follows that our universe could have itself formed from inside a black hole existing inside another universe," he said.

Ah; the old Euclidean-based coordinate system known as isotropic coordinates ploy eh....

 

That’s it: I’m orf to get the one remaining left handed brain cell rewired.

 

And today’s thought:

Über Numptys

 

Angus

I’m confused: Charlie the lawmaker: Free doughnuts: Tesco go hunting: Denver bunny vandals: and Got an hour to waste?

A modicum of lack of warm, minimal skywater, minus atmospheric movement and masses of cloudy stuff at the Castle this morn, the butler is out collecting fat, carbon neutral teenagers just in case, his Maj is out hunting worms and there will be no post tomorrow-doing several things.

 

I’m very confused

Apparently Son of a B.....aronet and alien reptile in disguise George (I can’t find my arse in this dark room because the torch is broken) Osborne is thinking about giving us 300-400 squids worth of RBS (which we already own) “shares”, or phased disposal or attempts to place the shares in the market – allowing the public to invest their own money in the company but at a discount to the share price at the time.

 

Now: I am confused because “we” gave RBS £45,500,000,000 (without our knowledge) so that the employees could continue to get their nice big salaries and bonuses and we could suffer cuts in welfare, ‘Orspitals, council services and benefits,

And now “they” want to give us a pittance back because “they” don’t have a hope of putting RBS back into the private sector and recouping our money,

According to “A senior government source” (probably the cleaner at No 10):

"There is a realisation that there is no prospect of RBS's share price rising to the level at which we bailed the bank out and it's not good for the bank or the Government to hold on to our stake indefinitely. Obviously a give-away to taxpayers before the election, who after all paid for it in the first place, is very attractive."

In 2008 the Government invested £45.5bn in RBS to prevent the bank from collapsing. RBS shares closed last night at 344p, well below the 500p average at which taxpayers bought their 82 per cent stake. Last night's closing price equates to a £14bn loss.

 Which is why I am so confused because “taxpayers” didn’t buy an 82 per cent stake in the Royal Bank of wankers the piss poor millionaires club coalition did on our behalf and now they want us to take a £14 billion loss because they can’t do their sums.

 

Anyone else confused about this, or is it because they want to orfload this millstone in case Norf of the border gets its independence?

 

And staying with confusing things

Allegedly the Prince of Wales was secretly given a say over dozens of new laws, including those to ban hunting and to introduce the Government’s green deal, the Government has revealed.

A Freedom of Information request disclosed that the Prince has been consulted on an average of three laws every year over the past 11 years. In all he was consulted on 33 laws over past 11 years, far higher than previously disclosed.

Some of our laws that he was arsed about were:

The Energy Bill in September 2011, which passed into law the Government’s green deal which encourages homeowners to take out a loan to make their house more energy-efficient

The Hunting Bill in July 2003, the same month that MPs voted on a free ballot to ban hunting with dogs in the UK.

The Licensing Bill in June 2003, which was criticised for legalising 24 hour drinking after it came into force in November 2005.

The Health and Social Care Bill (July 2003)

Companies Bill (October 2006)

And the Land Registration Bill (February 2002).

 
It seems that being the heir to the Throne old nag loving Charlie is allowed under Britain’s constitution to be consulted on legislation that might affect his private interests.
 

Oh well as long as he can continue to keep his fifteen serfs, and thousands of acres of Blighty then that’s alright then.

 

Norf of the not yet free border

 

The opening of the first Krispy Kreme store in Scotland caused traffic chaos as thousands turned up for the chance of free doughnuts.

Before the store in Edinburgh had even opened its doors at 7am, more than 300 determined people had already braved the elements and formed a queue outside in the driving snow.

Staff served doughnuts to 400 sweet-toothed customers in the first hour alone of the store being opened, but bosses didn't anticipate the feverish popularity of the launch at the Hermiston Gait shopping centre - with traffic queuing on approach roads, including the M8 motorway and A720, for hours on end.

 

Why am I not surprised....

 

Dahn a bit to Warwickshire

 

My favourite retailer Tesco has been hit by another PR nightmare when a horse died after being hit by one of its delivery van drivers.

The crash happened as the supermarket remained at the centre of the horsemeat scandal after traces of horse were found in products labelled as beef.

The Tesco delivery driver hit the hunting horse while it was being exercised in the village of Little Kineton, in Warwickshire.

The exact circumstances are unclear, but the van somehow crashed into the back of the horse, breaking its leg.

The horse, named ‘Miller’, had to be put down following the accident

 

It was then put in the back of the van and taken to the nearest Tesco supermarket (only joking)-(I hope).

 

West to the home of the bunny and the land of the vandal

Bunnies have been wreaking havoc on cars parked at Denver International Airport - eating spark plug cables and other wiring.

The furry creatures have already caused thousands of dollars in damage as wildlife official’s work to solve the problem.

"I see at least dozens every morning," airport shuttle driver Michelle Anderson told KCNC-TV. "They go hide under the cars and the cars are warm."

A spokesperson from an automotive service centre said the rabbits are chewing on the insulator section of the vehicles' ignition cables, which can lead to hefty repair bills.

The station reported that wildlife workers are removing at least 100 bunnies a month while parking companies build better fences and perches for predator hawks and eagles.

Local mechanics have offered a more unorthodox solution for worried car owners.

They say coating the wires with fox urine - available at hunting shops - will deter the creatures.

 

But do not piss on the cables yourself-especially if the engine is running

 

And finally:

 

Got an hour to waste this weekend

 

Then watch the video, I lasted about thirty seconds before I lost the will to live...

 

That’s it: I’m orf to mine the moat for antibiotics

 

And today’s thought:

Oh I say-nice norks, good job there’s not a law against it

 

Angus

Pistorfius up before the beak: The ‘Orse meat list: Hook, line and sinker: Foamhenge: Dopey driver: and “Stingray”.

Substantial amounts of solar stuff, sod all atmospheric movement, mournful amounts of lack of cold and not even a dribble of skywater at the Castle this morn, managed to oversleep until 8.30 of the am but at least there be hot water in the pipes, turned out it was an air block in one of the pipes and after a gaseous emission all is now well.

 

I see that the media is in a frenzy about some runner with carbon fibre feet

 

On the serious side-condolences to Reeva Steenkamp’s family.

 

That’s enough of being serious.

Allegedly Oscar Pistorfius got even more pissed orf and shot his girlfriend more than a couple of times.

And is appearing in court even as I write this.

The defence is expected to argue that Mr Pistorius is not a flight risk and should be given bail.

 

All they have to do is confiscate his “blades” and he ain’t going anywhere....

  

Worried about consuming Equine bits?

Auntie has published a list of what and where to avoid (click on the link above), which is a bit pointless if they have all been withdrawn. 

 

Dahn in Dorset

Steve Redhead, 51, was hoping to land some carp fish but became the catch himself after his lead weight snagged on overhanging branches.

He yanked his rod a couple of times to free the line before the bulbous object suddenly flew 50 feet through the air and struck him in the face.

Steve dropped to his knees and thought the object had just grazed him at first until fishing friend Matt Barnes told him it was embedded in his right cheek.

An ambulance was called and Steve, from Weymouth, Dorset, was rushed to hospital to have the 50 gram weight removed.

Luckily, the weight didn't break his cheek bone or jaw or damage any nerves.

Steve, who jet-washes wheelie bins for a living, was told the item could easily have killed him had it hit him in an eye, throat or gone through his mouth

After the accident, which happened at Walley's Carp Lake in Osmington, near Weymouth, Steve was taken to Poole Hospital where he had 12 stitches.

 

Apparently the carp which Steve didn’t catch was “THIS BIG” or it might have been “this big”...

 

Left to the home of not a lot of history and the land of the jealous

 

Photo credit

A full size replica of Stone Henge was built by Mark Cline of Enchanted Castle Studio in 2004, with the pieces in astronomically correct positions. Lest somebody mistook it for the real thing, a sign at the base of the hill cautions: "Please be gentle. It is foam, not stone."

Mark says he went to great pains to shape each 'stone' to its original shape, fact-checking his designs and measurements with the man who gives tours of Stonehenge in England. Each block is set into a hole in the ground and anchored with cement. "I put a 2.5 inch pipe all the way through each one down into the ground, like a nail holding it to the concrete.” And, Mark adds hopefully, "It's non-biodegradable so it might last longer than the original."

 

I do like an optimist....

 

East to the place where Swiss people come from

Manfred Hofer, 49, from Willisau plunged into a stream when he nodded off at the wheel was still asleep when rescuers pulled him out.

Apparently Manfred told police the last thing he could remember was feeling drowsy at the wheel.

Investigators believe he was fast asleep as the car veered off the road, down an embankment and into the stream.

"He says he wasn't aware of anything else until he was woken by the rescue team," said a police spokesman.

"They thought he'd been unconscious but in fact he'd just been sleeping very heavily."

Paramedics say Mr Hofer is recovering from fractures in hospital.

 

But at least he is sleeping well....

 

And finally:

 

Back over to the land of the free and the home of surveillance

Allegedly the FBI is using a secretive new tool. The device, which acts as a fake cell phone tower, essentially allows the government to electronically search large areas for a particular cell phone’s signal—sucking down data on potentially thousands of innocent people along the way. At the same time, law enforcement has attempted use them while avoiding many of the traditional limitations set forth in the Constitution, like individualized warrants. This is why we called the tool “an unconstitutional, all-you-can-eat data buffet.”

Recently, LA Weekly reported the Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD) got a Department of Homeland Security (DHS) grant in 2006 to buy a stingray. The original grant request said it would be used for “regional terrorism investigations.” Instead LAPD has been using it for just about any investigation imaginable.

In just a four month period in 2012, according to documents obtained by the First Amendment Coalition, the LAPD has used the device at least 21 times in “far more routine” criminal investigations. The LA Weekly reported Stingrays “were tapped for more than 13 percent of the 155 ‘cellular phone investigation cases’ that Los Angeles police conducted between June and September last year.” These included burglary, drug and murder cases.

 

Wouldn’t work here in Blighty-the signals are far too piss poor.

 

That’s it: I’m orf to update the sat-nav

 

And today’s thought:

 

Angus

Mental MPs: Photocopy Pillock: Whistling Otus jolandae: Chocwoccy heels: and Droning on.

Vanishing skywater, verbose atmospheric movement, Volumous lack of warm and not a lot of solar stuff at the Castle this morn, just returned from the stale bread, gruel and his Maj’s food run dahn the stables (Tesco), so far this week his food has gorn from £3 to £3.68 per box but if I buy two boxes I can pay £3 each, likewise his Dreamies have gorn from £1 to £1.34 but if I but three packs I can pay for two and get the third one “free”, no bloody wonder Blighty is so ballsed up, you are going to need a PhD in maths just to get your shopping before long-if they haven’t removed everything from the shelves in case ‘Orse bits are involved.

 

Up in the bit next to the leaning tower of Westminster

It seems that some of those who “rule Britannia” are going more than a bit gaga, MPs will be able to access a mental health clinic within Parliament which is being set up to deal with the rising number of politicians approaching doctors about depression and anxiety.

And to prevent Mental MPs from losing their seat on the gravy train on Monday Parliament gave final approval to the Mental Health (Discrimination) Bill, which scraps a law that says MPs automatically lose their seats if they have been sectioned for more than six months, as well as a rule allowing company directors to be removed because of mental illness.

And just to jump the queues for the poor, struggling knobheads “officials” have approved £25,000-a-year funding for the specialist treatment centre which will run alongside conventional GP services.

The body which oversees MPs’ working conditions has agreed to fund treatment such as cognitive behavioural therapy from specialists at St Thomas’s hospital.

A consultant psychiatrist is available at Westminster to diagnose mental health problems and referral for in-patient treatment will also be available, the Commons Members’ Estimate Committee decided.

 

Which may explain why we are so deep in the brown runny stuff.....

 

West to the big bit above the home of bare arms and the land of technology

 

Cops are circulating an image they believe a break-in suspect took of himself with a photocopier -- during the break-in.

It happened very early Sunday at Dan Murphy Ford on Bankfield Rd. in Manotick Ottawa.

The man got in to the dealership by prying open a door -- which triggered the alarm system.

He made off with some items, but police have not said what was stolen.

Investigators believe he photocopied his face and left it behind.

He's described as white with facial hair and was wearing a toque with a football logo on it.

Anyone with information is asked to call Ottawa Police robbery detectives at 613-236-1222 or make an anonymous tip to Crime stoppers at 613-233-TIPS (8477).

Tips leading to an arrest or a charge, qualify for a cash reward of up to $2,000 -- enough to buy a photocopier.

 

Or a ski mask......

 

East many, many miles to the isle of Lombok in Indonesia

“Experts” have apparently discovered a “new” species of Owl that whistles instead of the usual terwit-too-woo, although the owl has been known for at least a century, it has only now been recognised as a new species.

Previously experts had confused the bird, with brown and white feathers and big golden eyes, with a similar looking owl.

Its official name is Otus jolandae but scientists are giving it the common name Rinjani Scops Owl.

Two members of an international team independently recorded the signature whistle in 2003.

Ornithologist George Sangster, from the Swedish Museum of Natural History, said: "It was quite a coincidence that two of us identified this new bird species on different parts of the same island, within a few days of being on the island

 

Yeah-after a century....

 

And west again to the lone star state

Texas chocolatier Andrea Pedrazza has created what can only be considered the perfect (allegedly) Valentine’s Day gift for the ladies – chocolate high-heels.

Master chocolatier Andrea Pedrazza pours the brown goodness into plastic high-heel moulds and decorates them with gourmet ingredients to make them look as realistic as possible.

Her most popular creations are chocolate Christian Louboutin shoes which sell for $35. To recreate the designer’s signature red soles, the food artist uses red ganache. Available styles include simple colours, zebra or cheetah print and polka dots, so men wanting to gift their wives with their favourite shoes for cheap are bound to find something they like.

 

Glad I am foot loose and fancy free...

 

And finally: 

East to the lands where Afghans and Iraqis live

Allegedly nearly 450 British military drones have been lost in Iraq and Afghanistan, The Ministry of Defence has disclosed for the first time the five Unmanned Aerial Vehicle (UAV) systems used in the conflicts and the number that have perished due to pilot error, technical faults or the undesirability of retrieving them from hostile areas.

The MoD released details of the UAV incidents under the Freedom of Information Act, conceding that their operations were “viewed by some as contentious and there is therefore strong public interest in being as open and transparent as possible” about their use.

The figures show the military has lost one Reaper drone since 2007 – it is the only UAV that carries Hellfire missiles as well as surveillance and intelligence-gathering equipment. The drone, which has not been replaced, cost £10m.

There have been nine losses of another large UAV; the Hermes 450 Eight of the £1m aircraft were lost in Afghanistan and another in Iraq. The surveillance fleet has halved in size because of the incidents.

The UAV to suffer most is the Desert Hawk 3, a small hand-held UAV used by the army: 412 have crashed or been lost in the last five years. British forces have been using other mini-UAVs, the Black Hornet, and the Tarantula Hawk, in Afghanistan; 25 of them have perished during operations. The Black Hornet is the latest piece of UAV equipment to be deployed in the conflict. A mini-helicopter, it is equipped with a camera which gives troops video and still images.

Soldiers use it to peer around corners or over walls and the images are displayed on a handheld terminal.

A periscope would be much cheaper and you can’t hear it coming...

  

That’s it: I’m orf to demand some TV programmes and a film or two from Tesco

 

Today’s thought:

The anti-depressants are working then.

 

And the last mellow melody for a while

 

 

Angus

The Book-MP prize: Crepe MPs: Iranian Stealth plane-not: Up Helly: Beef emergency: and the dead centre of Paris.

Not a lot of anything at the Castle this morn, no atmospheric movement, no skywater, no solar stuff and just a hint of lack of warm.

His Maj is now 100% fit, we had a bit of a setback but time healed his battered face, but he still won’t go near a window.

 

Up in the bit next to the leaning tower of Westminster

Allegedly the most-borrowed book in the House of Commons library is How To Be An MP, by the veteran Labour parliamentarian Paul Flynn.

The book boasts step-by-step guides on how to placate constituents, advance one's career, claim expenses and fend off an inquisitive press.

 

So that’s who is to blame then.

 

And as Pancake Tuesday came and went

 

Members of the House of Commons beat teams from the House of Lords and the media to win the annual parliamentary pancake race yesterday.

Representatives from the Commons, the Lords and journalists took part in one of the most fiercely contested events in the political calendar, the parliamentary pancake race.

Conservative MP Tracey Crouch, who took part in the race, described it as "über-competitive" and said that she and her team-mates had been "sharpening their elbows".

Their tactics worked, and the MPs crossed the finishing line first.

 

What a load of old crepe....

 

East to the land of space monkeys, cloned drones and un-stealthy planes

Apparently Iran has been caught out in another Photoshop blunder in an effort to prove its purported stealth fighter jet is the real deal.

An Iranian state news agency released a new picture of the radar-dodging jet flying above snow-covered mountains.

 

But the picture was immediately suspected to be fake with the lighting on the plane and its position similar to its appearance in pictures on the ground in Tehran at the unveiling earlier this month.

President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad described it as "among the most advanced fighter jets in the world", capable of hitting ground and air targets by stealth, but experts dismissed it as a "laughable fake" which looks like a toy or mock-up model.

Now the new picture has also been laughed off, after it was revealed by The Atlantic Wire that the background image of the mountain was taken from the stock image site PickyWallpapers.com.

Aviation experts have questioned whether the jet shown can even fly as it was too small to accommodate a real pilot and the controls and wiring looked too simple. It also lacked the bolts and rivets found on all aircraft and offered wonky aerodynamics.

You can fool some Iranians some of the time.........

 

Up Norf and even Norfer

The annual Up Helly a fire festival in Lerwick on the Scottish Shetland Islands to pay homage to the country's Viking heritage has occurred; the daylong celebration consists of costumed parties and culminates in a torchlight parade and the burning of a Viking long boat. There are also plenty of kilts, marches to brass band music, even a new beer found only at the event.

At least 5,000 spectators come to watch more than 1,000 torch carrying "Vikings", in silver plates and helmets, with heavy axes and shields, march the galley around the town. Some enact the roles of famous "Jarls" from the local saga, the Orkneyinga. At the climax, all the Vikings throw their flaming torches into the galley. The whole crowd sings Viking songs and the party continues long after the last flames have died away.

 

Bugger-missed it again...

 

West to the bit where ship shape comes from

A pilot performed an emergency landing when a fire warning light came on in his cargo plane over Bristol– but the alert turned out to be a load of old cows.

No blaze was found on board and the pilot later said the alarm may have been triggered over Bristol by extra humidity generated by 390 cows being carried on board

 

But are they real cows-they could be fake cows made up from Yorkshire puddings or Welsh daffodils cunningly disguised.....

 

And finally:

 

East a whimsy to the city of French people

Fancy a stroll over some medieval gravestones-well now you can, “In the heart of l'Ile de la Cite, on the left side of the Cathedral of Notre Dame, a street called Chanoinesse winds its way through the heart of Paris.

A small part of the street was spared by successive urban transformation plans, and as a result it has kept its odd medieval character. This is because, until the XVIII century, this area was the protected domain of Chanoine monks who, isolated from the world, devoted themselves to their work and meditations.

But the monastic past of the street is not the only mystery to be found here: Behind the red door of the building marked number 26, you'll find one of the most unusual and macabre pieces of architecture to be found in the French capital.

A small courtyard rests silently behind the intriguing scarlet door, and the stone laid ground of the courtyard bares some gothic style texts. After a bit of examination, you'll realize their purpose- these are gravestones, which once belonged to churches religious institutions that eventually closed around the 19th century.

Much later, the gravestones were used by the architects of this lovely courtyard to tile the floor. And there they remain to this day, ready to be discovered and explored.”

 

That’s nice and respectful isn’t it?

 

That’s it: I’m orf to make sure the old todger is still attached

 

Today’s thought:

Real Iranian stealth planes

 

And today’s mellow melody

One of my favourites.

 

 

 

Angus

Bye-Bye Benedict: Building the economy-or not: Charlie is Kippered: Global warming-blame the worms: Dick-less Dick-head: PAYG Arsehole: Dining at McDonalds Dahn Unda: and the Rainbow Unicorn cake.

Lots of lack of warm, even more skywater, not even a cough of atmospheric movement and negative solar stuff at the Castle this morn, still no hot water-the “man” can’t get here until Wednesday morn, but he did suggest that I switch on the immersion heater in the tank-my reply was “have you seen the price of Leccy lately” to which he made an odd noise and went away.

 

 

I see that the Ex Nazi Joseph Aloisius Ratzinger (otherwise known as the Ex Nazi Pope Benedict the more than fifteen) has handed in his notice on the grounds that “I have come to the certainty that my strengths, due to an advanced age, are no longer suited to an adequate exercise of the Petrine ministry.”

 

Oh dear. What a shame, maybe he could spend his remaining time contemplating the millions of people murdered by his former employer...

 

All across non-nationalised Blighty

It seems that the same sex marriage of the ConTories and the LibDooms has managed to complete the massive number of seven of the 576 major building projects in the Government's much-trumpeted national infrastructure plan, according to a report out today.

Apparently only 1 per cent of the schemes are operational and just 18 per cent are said to have "started" or to be "under construction", according to data compiled by Labour from Treasury figures.

 

Plan “A” really is working then...

 

Up in the smoky Smoke Old fart Charlie otherwise known as the Duck of Pastyland

 

Has let go of the tree he has been hugging for the last decade or so and is preparing to battle authorities after Britain's oldest working fish smokehouse was shut down after a single resident complained about the smell.

It had survived for more than 130 years and was bombed in the Blitz but Walter Purkis and Sons was told to close by Haringey council following a complaint from a resident in a nearby flat block in Crouch End, North London.

The Purkis family were informed last month the smokehouse was in breach of the Environmental Protection Act 1990 and the Clean Air Act 1993.

But Charlie, who has been said to be a strong supporter of traditional and organic foods, has stepped in to help the owner of the business, John Purkis, whose family has been in the fish business for generations.

Last week a female member of the Prince's staff came to see the Purkis family and asked for details about what had happened.

It was explained that the smokehouse won a reprieve and was once again allowed to produce its kippers, smoked salmon and mackerel. However the family were worried the reversal of the ban may only be temporary.

 

That’s alright then; but are they real fish; could they be fake fish with Romanian slugs and snails and puppy dog tails cunningly disguised , perhaps the dept for Gee-Gee Grub could investigate....

 

According to “Scientists”

 

Human beings are not the only creatures on Earth who cause the climate of the planet to change. Ordinary earthworms also make a significant contribution to global warming. Scientists believe that in the next few decades, the population of earthworms will experience a real boom.

The soil produces about 20 percent of global emissions of carbon dioxide and two-thirds of nitrous oxide. Worms act as architects of this ecosystem. They make the structure soil more porous and interact with microbes that produce carbon dioxide. The presence of invertebrates in the soil is directly related to the amount of carbon dioxide that the soil releases in the atmosphere. Nitrous oxide produces the bacteria that live in the intestines of worms. The concentration of nitrous oxide is three times higher in the places inhabited by earthworms.

A while back, scientists faced the following problem. On the one hand, worms contribute to the growth of emissions in the atmosphere from the soil. On the other hand, then help "recycle" carbon dioxide, hiding it under the ground. This contradiction became known as the "dilemma of earthworms."

In a new study, an international team of scientists from the Netherlands, the U.S. and Colombia analyzed the results of 237 separate experiments that studied the role of earthworms in greenhouse gas emissions, says the Guardian. The researchers carried out experiments on the emissions of all types of gas and found that the worms increase the global-warming potential of soil by 16 percent.

 

And the results could even be worse if the worms drive about in cars...

 

East to the land of Thais

 

A 50-year-old man developed cancer in his genitals, after he injected himself with olive oil to enlarge his penis.

He required emergency surgery to remove his genitals to stop cancer spreading.

He had been injecting his penis with olive oil over a number of years and it had become infected which caused the cancer.

The un-named man had injected his penis with olive oil in a bid to make it bigger.

The procedure is quite common in Thailand, other substances also used include; bees wax, silicone or even paraffin.

There have been reports from one Bangkok hospital that they see up to 40 patients a month suffering from side-effects of this treatment.

 

Sod that....

 

Up a bit to where Sri Lankans come from

A prisoner who tried to hide a mobile phone was caught when guards heard his backside ringing.

The 58-year-old convict was admitted to the national hospital in Colombo where doctors later retrieved the handset from his bottom.

"The man had concealed the phone inside his person," the official said, asking not to be named.

"Unfortunately for him, the phone rang at the wrong time and guards knew he had a phone at the wrong end."

He said the man was in hospital for two days but was discharged and sent back to prison after the mobile phone was removed.

The prisoner was serving a 10-year sentence for theft at the high security Welikada jail in the capital.

 

 Should have put it on vibrate...

 

Dahn Unda

In a world first, a McDonald's franchise in Australia is offering full table service for its dine-in customers, complete with china plates, glassware and metal utensils in place of the more usual paper boxes and plastic.

Meals are also brought to the table by waiters and waitresses, and diners can daintily dab their lips with cloth napkins after eating.

"It's very popular," store manager Michelle Steain told Reuters of the five-week trial service. "Everyone seems to be loving it."

Glenn and Katia Dwarte, owners of the franchise in Warilla, some 100 km (62 miles) south of Sydney, sought permission for the idea after their habit of serving Mr Dwarte's parents with cutlery and plates caught the attention of other diners.

The dine-in offer is open to customers who purchase premium meals between 5 p.m. and 8 p.m. each day.

 

Spiffing; what next coffee in cups?

 

And finally:

The rainbow unicorn Pegasus cake.

 

Eat it if you dare...

That’s it: I’m orf to check out my non-4G freeview

 

Today’s thought:

Waiter I'll have two portions of that.

 

And today’s mellow melody.

Now

 

And then.

 

 

Angus