Still here: Don’t look Dahn Unda: Sea Launch: and not a Pooh stick in sight.

Usual at the Castle this morn-bloody cold, a whimsy of atmospheric movement, layers of week old snow and not even a glimmer of solar stuff, I spent most of yesterday “sorting out” my Bro-in-laws TV, something that should have taken half an hour turned into a five hour marathon-checked the aerial, checked the freeview box, checked the cables-all OK, checked the TV-OK, it turned out that the transmitter he was tuned to dahn near Haslemere had gorn tits up and all was returned to normal later in the evening.

 

Glad I use the London one.

 

The elbow is still about as much use as the Gov; it doesn’t work and refuses to listen to reason.

Many, many sorries for not visiting, answering emails, replying to comments, I will get round to it...

 

Fancy some gluten-free stuff Dahn Unda

Then don’t bother to go to Celiac Supplies in Brisbane because they are charging $5 just to have a look around, a sign on the store's door, posted online by Reddit user BarrettFox, reads: "There has been high volume of people who use this store as a reference and then purchase goods elsewhere. These people are unaware our prices are almost the same as the other stores."

The store's owner, Georgina, told the AAP newswire she's "had a gutful of working and not getting paid."

"I'm not here to dispense a charity service for Coles and Woolworths to make more money," said the woman, who didn't give her last name.

 

Bit of cutting orf the nose to spite the face methinks....

 

Somewhere on the one of the big wet salty things

Are two giant ships, a NASA-like mission control and a launch pad floating on the ocean, forming part of a multi-national venture for blasting commercial satellites into space. Sea Launch was established in 1995 as a consortium of four companies from Norway, Russia, Ukraine and the United States, managed by Boeing with participation from the other shareholders. Operated by the Russians, this commercial spacecraft launch service uses a mobile sea platform for equatorial launches of payloads on specialized Zenit 3SL rockets. Since the first rocket flight on March 1999, it has assembled and launched thirty-one rockets, with three failures and one partial failure.

The ship and launch platform operate from the home port in Long Beach, California, where the customer satellite is encapsulated in a Boeing-built fairing/adapter. The satellite is moved to the ship, where it is mated to the three-stage rocket, which then is moved to the launch platform for transportation to the launch site, where it is moved into upright position. The rocket is automatically fuelled and launched as engineers and customers control events from the nearby command ship.

 

I hope they have checked the batteries if Boeing is involved.....

 

And finally:

 

Messing about over the river-or not

The World Pooh Sticks Championships this weekend has been cancelled because the River Thames is too high and running too fast for safety boats.

More than 500 people from across the globe had been expected to take part in the game, invented by Winnie-the-Pooh creator AA Milne.

The competition, in which participants drop sticks into the river from one side of a bridge to see which emerges first at the other, has been taking place at Day’s Lock in Little Wittenham, Oxon for the last 30 years.

 

Oh.........POOH......

 

That’s it: I’m orf to have a gander at Jodrell’s big Orrery

 

And today’s thought:

 

Dunderheads are go

 

Angus

 

The joy of spring: fat flyers: kissing a pussy: and the Null Ship.

Much snowy stuff, even more lack of warm, not quite as much atmospheric movement and sod all solar activity at the Castle this morn, the white stuff, a touch of frost and skywater has managed to bollocks up the interweb thingy all weekend, every time I tried to post it went tits up and then came back on when I gave up-ditto-ditto-ditto, so I eventually submitted to nature and abandoned the blog until today. 

All seems connected-so far, the elbow isn’t recovering that well, been four days since the pecking and it still hurts like buggery (I know because I have had a prostate exam).

Shortish post this morn-just in case.

 

Right a bit to the land of Norwegians

Allegedly plans are afoot which would see passengers pay according to how much they – and their luggage – weigh.

Norwegian aviation expert Dr Bharat P Bhatta’s ideas could also mean falling costs for slimmer travellers.

Dr Bhatta of the Sogn og Fjordane University College in Norway said: ‘As weight and space are far more important in aviation than other modes of transport, airlines should take this into account when pricing their tickets.’

Airline bosses are to consider three variations, including a scheme where air-users would be charged according to their weight along with their luggage.

Another option would see passengers paying a base fare plus or minus an extra charge.

A third variant would see a standard fare for passengers within 25 per cent above or below a set weight limit, with a discount or surcharge depending on whether they are over or under that span.

 

Jumbo Jets?

 

East even more to Malaysia

Mulan Jamila, a four-year-old Bengal tiger, shares a sloppy kiss with keeper Soleh.

The pair has become inseparable and have regular rough and tumble play fights at the Al Khaffah Islamic school in Malang in Indonesia’s east Java province.

The tiger was a gift from a friend and is kept as a pet under a government permit.

Mulan Jamila has been Soleh’s pet since the age of three months and now gets through 11 pounds of meat a day. 

 

Good luck with that-wonder how much a human head weighs....

 

And finally:

 

Back to the land of Italians and about 343 years

A vacuum airship, also known as a vacuum balloon, is a hypothetical airship that is evacuated rather than filled with a lighter than air gas such as hydrogen or helium. First proposed by Italian monk Francesco Lana de Terzi in 1670, [1] the vacuum balloon would be the ultimate expression of displacement lift power. …

An airship operates on the principle of buoyancy where air is the fluid in contrast to a ship where water is the fluid. The density of air at standard temperature and pressure is 1.28 g/L and 1 L of displaced air has sufficient buoyant force to lift 1.28 g. Airships use an airbag to displace a large volume of air; the bag is usually filled with a lightweight gas such as helium. The total lift generated by an airship is equal to the weight of the air it displaces, regardless of the materials used in its construction or the gas used to fill the airbag; However for flight it is necessary for the total lift capacity to exceed the ship’s weight, which includes the weight of the gas used to fill the airbag

Using the molar volume, the mass of 1 L of helium (at 1 atmospheres of pressure) is found to be 0.18 g, since every displaced litter provides 1.28 g of lift the effective lift is reduced by 14%.

Vacuum airships would theoretically replace the helium gas with a near-vacuum environment and would theoretically be able to provide the full lift potential of displaced air. The main problem with the concept of vacuum airships however is that with a near-vacuum inside the airbag, the outside pressure would exert enormous forces on the airbag and causing it to collapse if not supported. Though it is possible to reinforce the airbag with an internal structure, it is theorized that any structure strong enough to withstand the forces would invariably weigh the vacuum airship down and exceed the total lift capacity of the airship, preventing flight …

Worth a try though....

 

That’s it: I’m orf to water an advert

 

And today’s thought:

Spring has sprung

 

 

Angus

Twitter Twat: Marmite Dahn Unda (and right a bit): The Cucamelon: Farting smokers: and Popeye’s home.

Masses of skywater, minimum atmospheric movement, much lack of warm and bugger all solar stuff (as usual) at the Castle this morn, the right elbow is still excruciatingly painful but at least I can use one finger-hence today’s load of old bollocks.

 

Son of a B.....aronet and alien reptile in disguise

George (fiddler in the sideboard) Osborne has decided to concentrate his massive lack of intelligence on something even more important than the economy-he wants to get more followers on Twitter than starey eyes Ed Balls.

Mathematically challenged Osborne who started using his account (@George_Osborne) yesterday morning, has already racked up over 34,000 followers despite having only sent four tweets.

In contrast, the Shadow Chancellor has sent over 3,000 tweets, and has gained over 77,000 followers.

When challenged by Daybreak presenter Lorraine Kelly as to whether he spent most of yesterday on the micro blogging site, Osborne replied: "I confess I didn't spend most of yesterday doing it. I did a couple of tweets and I'm getting used to it. But it's a pretty fast and furious world out there on Twitter.”

Within minutes of sending his first tweet, which included a photograph of the Chancellor apparently adding some final touches to his Budget, he was bombarded with abusive tweets.

 

Took me bloody ages to write them....

 

Dahn Unda and right a bit

Marmite has returned to New Zealand, after the 2011 earthquake in Christchurch makers, Sanitarium, closed its factory but "From March 20, Marmite is back on supermarket shelves across NZ.

Marmite was originally imported into New Zealand but by 1919 the country had come up with its own version, which tastes quite different from the English version.

As a result, importing English Marmite simply would not work, said Pierre van Heerden, Sanitarium's general manager.

Earlier in March Mr Van Heerden and former All Blacks captain Buck Shelford visited Christchurch to deliver some of the new jars.

 

Spiffing, think I’ll stick to the Blighty version

 

And all over Blighty in the “spring”

Gardeners will now be able to grow cucamelons which are the size of a grape but looks like a watermelon and it tastes like a cross between a cucumber and a lime.

Suttons Seeds has started stocking the plants, Latin name Melothria Scabra.

A spokesman said: “The fruit can be used in a variety of dishes, including salads and salsa, or on a cocktail stick in a Martini, which works quite well.” 

Can’t wait, all you have to do is dig through the snow, break up the frozen soil with a pickaxe, sow your cucamelons and wait, and wait and.......

 

West to the land of Canadians

 

Ontario anti-smoking ads featuring young adults farting up a storm at a party has gone viral.

In its new Quit The Denial campaign, the province's health ministry compares social smoking to social farting.

"Well, it's true that I fart. But I wouldn't call myself a farter. I'm a social farter," says the blonde woman featured in the ads, as the camera pans across a party full of young, hip Ontarians letting 'em rip.

"I really only do it when I hang out with my friends that fart. We hang out. We drink. We dance. Just have some fun being together, farting."

The campaign highlights similarities between social smokers and social farters, noting they both do it to break the ice, and the smell tends to linger.

The video has run on blogs, ad sites and newspapers around the world.

Since then, the province has released videos comparing social smoking to social earwax picking and social nibbling food off other people's plates.

 

Nice to see that Canadians are into social equality....

 

And finally:

 

East to Malta

Tucked away in the small island is a place you’d probably never expect to find in the real world– Popeye’s Village. Also known as Sweethaven Village, it is an ideal family-vacation spot and one of Malta’s major tourist attractions. The fun park is modelled on the theme of the favourite children’s cartoon character, Popeye the Sailor Man. Interestingly, this village was the actual set used by Paramount Pictures and Walt Disney Productions to shoot the 1980 film Popeye, based on the comic strips by E. C. Segar.

At Sweethaven, you can expect to see models of all the main characters of the popular children’s cartoon – Popeye the Sailor, Olive Oyl, Bluto, Swee’Pea and Wimpy. You can also go on joy rides and visit play houses, puppet shows, museums, and cinema sessions featuring the film Popeye and the construction of the set. You can even star in your own film, record it and take it home. But that’s not all, there are a host of other things to see and experience, like face painting, balloon modelling, storytelling, open-air barbeques, crafts and Wii games. There’s also a mini golf course and a free wine tasting for adults. The season-specific activities are a huge hit as well, these include water trampolines, play pools and boat rides during the summer and a Christmas Parade along with Santa’s toy town in December.

 

Lovely, but at least the banks are still open….

 

That’s it: I’m orf to check the garden for wasp spiders-just in case

 

And today’s thought:

Aspiration Nation

 

Angus

Argy Atlantis: Boris exposed: Seven fingered Numpty: Brazilian virus: Death Wish Coffee: and Glowing with health.

Miserable misty stuff, much lack of warm, minimal atmospheric movement and sod all solar stuff at the Castle this morn, the butler is feeding fat, carbon neutral teenagers into the furnace with a will and his Maj has discovered the joy of ambush from the top of the kitchen cupboards.

I am orf to the General Medic tomorrow to have my elbow “pecked” so there may not be a post for a day-or three...

 

West to the land of ‘Orses and grass

Apparently until the 1980s, Villa Epceun was a thriving tourist hotspot 350 miles south of the Argentinean capital Buenos Aires. All that changed on November 10, 1985 though, when a prolonged period of heavy rain caused the salt water lagoon that brought so many visitors to the area to burst its banks, submerging the entire village in 30 feet of water.

But 27 years later the waters have almost entirely receded and the town has re-emerged from the murk.

Roads can still clearly be made out, particularly around the town's slaughterhouse and its religious monuments.

A launderette, complete with tumble dryers and washing machines, can be seen in one image but, as with much of the rest of the town, the sheer force of the water that engulfed it has left the area in ruins.

And as always an Argy has claimed a bit of land and has moved back in, the village's sole occupant Pablo Novak said he spends his days cycling around the ruins, remembering his home town's “glory days”.

The 81-year-old said: “Until about four or five years after the flood, when the waters were still high, nobody came around here at all...I was totally alone. All day, every day”.

Mr Novak says that in recent months, more and more visitors have been returning to the area, some to view the waterlogged village, while others return in an attempt to salvage possessions they never thought they'd see again.

 

Spiffing; with the extra territory they don’t need the Falklands then....

 

And Auntie is “doing” Boris

In a forthcoming BBC 2 documentary, the mayor of London says he thinks the job of PM is "very, very tough".

But he will say he would like to "have a crack" at it "if the ball came loose from the back of a scrum".

The mayor has been talked up as a possible future Conservative leader, but he has always said he would see out his second term as mayor until 2016.

Documentary maker Michael Cockerell told the Radio Times that when asked whether he harboured any desires for the top job, Mr Johnson answered: "I think it's a very tough job being prime minister.

"Obviously, if the ball came loose from the back of a scrum - which it won't - it would be a great, great thing to have a crack at.

"But it's not going to happen."

In the documentary, Mr Johnson says he feels embarrassed about his past as a member of the notorious Bullingdon Club, a dining group for ex-public schoolboys at Oxford University, whose members also included Mr Cameron.

"This is a truly shameful vignette of almost superhuman undergraduate arrogance, toffishness and twittishness," he said.

"But at the time you felt it was wonderful to be going round swanking it up. Or was it? Actually I remember the dinners being incredibly drunken."

Asked about the club's reputation for smashing up restaurants, he admitted: "Yes. And the abiding memory is of deep, deep self-loathing."

 

Bonkers Boris also reveals there is a strategy behind his public persona: "As a general tactic in life, it is often useful to give the slight impression that you are deliberately pretending not to know what's going on - because the reality may be that you don't know what's going on, but people won't be able to tell the difference."

 

No change there then.....

 

West again to where people have the right to bare arms

Police in Pennsylvania said a man is facing weapons charges after shooting his own finger while attempting to "get rid of his wedding ring."

Bradford police said officers responded at 8:56 p.m. March 2 to a home on a report of a man intentionally shooting off his own finger and they arrived to find Alfredo Fortunato Malespini III, 31, a lieutenant at the Federal Correctional Institution-McKean, bleeding from a severe wound to his left hand, The Bradford Era reported Monday.

Malespini, who police said was highly intoxicated, told officers he was "trying to get rid of his wedding ring" and had decided to "shoot it off."

Police said the man's attempt had been unsuccessful, as the finger was nearly severed but the ring was still attached.

Twat....should have used some Vaseline-I’m sure there is an ample supply in the prison.

 

 And East more than a whimsy

Allegedly having a Brazilian is bad for your health, a dermatologist in Nice, France, observed more and more patients coming to his office with molluscum contagiosum virus (MCV) outbreaks in their nether regions. About 93 percent of these 30 patients, both male and female, shaved, waxed, or clipped their pubic hair. This made Dr. Francois Desruelles, MD, wonder about the relationship between grooming downstairs and the spread of MCV.  

“Pubic hair removal is a body modification for the sake of fashion, especially in young women and adolescents, but also growing among men,” writes Desruelles in a letter published online in the British Medical Journal. “Anyway, pubic hair removal may be a risk factor for STMC [sexually transmitted MCV] or perhaps other STIs …”

MCV, a pox virus, spreads by skin-to-skin contact, from sharing items such as towels or clothes, or sexual contact. It causes pearly papules with dimples in the middle. While MCV looks unsightly, it is not painful and often goes away without treatment. Although a few bumps might be an inconvenience, some people develop hundreds of these papules, which can be embarrassing and disfiguring.

After looking at cases of sexually transmitted MCV, Desruelles believes that people are self-inoculating, meaning they are giving themselves pubic MCV from grooming. A person might shave a papule on her leg, for example, and the virus remains on the blade, which transfers it to her lady parts.

 

You’d need a strimmer to sort out my nether hair...

  

Left again to the place where apples are large

A New York man is marketing the world's strongest coffee - under the brand name of Death Wish Coffee.

Double the strength of an espresso, Death Wish Coffee even comes with a disclaimer warning drinkers to expect 'many sleepless nights'.

Mike Brown, the man behind the blend, used to work in a small coffee shop in New York, but got fed up with customers asking for stronger coffee.

"I always had customers coming in asking for our strongest and boldest roast," he said.

"I had to go through the process every day of explaining to them that dark roasts were actually the least caffeinated.

"This began my journey for finding and roasting the Death Wish bean and after many trial and error processes I found it.

"The type of blend, bean and roasting process we use makes Death Wish Coffee the strongest in the world.

"Its actual process is a secret because we have created something revolutionary and we do not want it stolen."

The extra-strong coffee is available to buy on Amazon and can be bought in packs of either ground coffee or whole beans.

 

Think I’ll stick to the instant stuff...

 

And finally:

 

From the country of European invaders

 

The largest pain management centre in the world, and a popular health tourism destination, the Healing Caves of Gastein welcome over 75,000 people every year. They all flock to this miraculous place to undergo a controversial form of therapy with radioactive radon gas used to cure a variety of medical conditions, from arthritis to psoriasis.

When the people of Gastein started exploring the nearby Radhausberg Mountain in search of gold, they had no idea they would discover something infinitely more valuable – naturally occurring low levels of radon gas. In time, they realized that the radioactive gas combined with the mountain caves’ high humidity and temperatures of up to 41.5° Celsius helped strengthen their immune system and cured some very serious illnesses. Word about the Gastein Healing Caves spread like wild fire throughout all of Austria, Germany and other Central European countries, and today Gastein is known not only as a world-class skiing destination, but also as a miraculous place of healing with a mind-blowing success rate of 90%. Most of the people who come here for radon treatment say a few sessions in the caves keep them pain-free for a whole year. Apparently, the radioactive gas is absorbed through the skin and lungs, activating the body at a cellular level and stimulating the self-healing process.

 

Pass.....

 

That’s it: I’m orf to track the old eyes

 

And today’s thought:

Who is next...?

 

 

Angus

Busy doing nothing-ish

Misty drizzly stuff, not a lot of warm and even less solar stuff at the Castle this morn, spent the last few days doing absolutely bugger all, a bit of chillaxing, even more sleeping and watching the box in preparation for my assault on Rushmoor Borough Council’s council tax thingy. 

They sent me the expected bill on Saturday demanding an amount of loot almost equal to Cyprus’s national debt, and as from the 6^th of March as I am entitled to “Pension Credit Guaranteed Credit” I decided that they can shove their piece of un-recycled paper up their rear exit.

 

So I spent the weekend going through their 145page (I kid you not) PDF document issued by said council containing things such as:

 

And

 

And finally came up with:

 

So I phoned the Council Tax help line and was told that although I am receiving Pension Credit thingy I am not entitled to a rebate until I am 65, so I read out the pertinent paragraph (above), the nice lady then put me on hold and after a while came back and told me I was correct and that the bill was a “mistake” but it was all my fault because I didn’t qualify for the Pension Credit do-dah until March the 6^th and the bills were sent out “early” which turned out to be the 14^th of March. 

Now: I am not pissed orf about this, these things happen but what really worries me is the number of old farts that have received these bills and will just pay up because they don’t have access to the interweb thingy or are too frightened to make a fuss.

 

Anyway, apparently a “new” bill will be sent with the amended amount and all will be peace and harmony at the Castle again.

But remember, if you are of old fart status and in receipt in Pension Credit and you have received a demand for money-check it out with your council because you could save a lot of dosh.

 

Angus

 

Jezza CHunt and Nicholson: S’now parking: Useless machine: Cow shit air freshener: Higgs Boson +: and If you are dead stand up.

Drizzly amounts of skywater, doubtful amounts of lack of warm, draughty amounts of atmospheric movement and doubtful amounts of solar stuff at the Castle this morn, the ring of agony has finally subsided but the left elbow has flared up in retaliation and I am orf later to test out my old farts bus pass.

 

Jezza CHunt the Elf secretary has finally come clean-a bit

And reckons that “Sir” Dave Nicholson is “partly” to blame for the Mid Staffs massacre, speaking in the Commons during a debate on NHS accountability CHunt admitted that “Sir” David, the NHS chief executive, was partly at fault for the failings that led to Mid Staffs, where up to 1,200 patients died needlessly were killed.

Allegedly Jezza attempted to divert some of the attention away from Sir David by insisting the he does not bear "personal" responsibility for Mid Staffs and that the deaths there would have happened with or without the NHS chief overseeing the trust.

It comes after it emerged that senior Government figures are considering a plan for “Sir” David to “pre-announce” his retirement.

“Sir” David (otherwise known as Teflon Dave) would then step down later this year or early in 2014, having managed the NHS through the first months of major Coalition reforms starting next month.

 

Walking away with a nice fat pension and no responsibility-as usual...

 

East a bit to the land of laughter

 

Traffic wardens in Germany left a parking ticket - on a full-sized snow sculpture of a Volkswagen Beetle.

Pranksters had built the car overnight in a no-parking zone in Aachen, complete with outlines for its headlights, windscreens and even the distinctive VW badge on the bonnet.

But the prank has received a frosty reception from local police.

A spokesman said: "We can take a joke as well as the next person and it was a very convincing prank.

"But whether it was made of metal or snow it was still obstructing a road that should have been clear."

 

No sense of humour those Germans....

 

West to the home of technology and the land of stuff

 

A Regina man is gaining a name for himself as a builder of 'useless machines' — devices which serve no practical purpose but are enormously popular among fans of gadgets.

"The concept of a machine that turns itself off has been around a long time," Coulthard explained. "I saw a video online [and] I had to have one, so I made one."

His first version was made about three years ago using items found at a dollar-store.

He takes particular pride in noting his machine is actually turning itself off, pointing to a mechanical finger that flicks a toggle switch.

Coulthard went on to design a number of useless machines and his devices have become so popular that he devotes himself to making them, full-time, and selling them around the world.

Coulthard has been selling a plastic machine and is currently working on one made of wood.

He created a business, the Frivolous Engineering Company, to market his gadgets online.

"It turns out that on many different levels, it is a useful machine," Coulthard said, talking about the success he has enjoyed. "To me it really is the ultimate machine. It's going to sound corny but it's changed my life."

 

And it is even more useless when the battery dies...

 

East to the place where Indonesians live

 Dwi Nailul Izzah and Rintya Aprianti Miki won first prize in the country's Science Project Olympiad with their alternative and environmentally-friendly air freshener.

The air freshener is said to have a natural fragrance of herbs and is good for human health because it doesn't contain any harmful chemicals like other freshener products on the market.

The girls collected cow dung from a cattle farm in Lamongan regency of East Java and left it to ferment for three days.Secondly, they extracted water from the cow dung and mixed it with coconut water.

Then the liquid was distilled to remove any impurities; the end product is a liquid air freshener with a natural aroma of herbs from digested cow food.

 

Can’t wait for that....

 

Back over to what is left of Europe

With the recent confirmation of a Higgs Boson discovery, many physicists were at least a little disappointed. That's because all signs point to it confirming the Standard Model, the nearly 100-year-old theory that explains the tiny bits of matter that make up the universe.

But some physicists still hold out hope for results that could provide a bigger shake-up, looking for the Large Hadron Collider and other experiments to reveal other hidden particles lurking in the universe. From gravitons to winos, here are five bizarre things that may exist beyond the Higgs. 

If a theory called supersymmetry is true, there could more than a dozen particles out there awaiting discovery. The theory holds that every particle discovered so far has a hidden counterpart.

In the Standard Model, there are two types of particles: bosons, which carry force and include gluons and gravitons; and fermions, which make up matter and include quarks, electrons and neutrinos, according to Indiana University physicist Pauline Gagnon's blog Quantum Diaries.

In supersymmetry, each fermion would be paired with a boson, and vice versa. So gluons (a type of boson) would have gluinos (a type of fermion), W particles would have winos, photons would have photinos, and the Higgs would have a counterpart called the Higgsino.

 

Will it ever bleedin end.....

 

And finally:

 

Dahn Unda

 

Dead people would be buried standing up under a city council plan to make better use of space at cemeteries.

Darwin City Council has asked the NT Government's Local Government Department to investigate if people can be buried feet first, The NT News reports.

"Vertical positioning of the body in the ground is a good use of space," Alderman Gary Lambert said.

The council also wants to see if up to three people can be buried in a grave in a "horizontal stack".

 

Does that mean that all coffins would have to have a “this way up” sign attached?

That’s it: I’m orf to dig up the car park-just in case

 

And today’s thought:

Shove a ticket on that you misery.

 

 

Angus

New El Papa: Last El Papa: Fake walnuts: Numpty up to his neck: and a Hole in one fairway.

Lots of lack of warm, little atmospheric movement, even less sky water and much solar stuff at the Castle this morn, Dawn’s crack was enormous and kindly melted all the scrapey-scrapey stuff orf the Honda saving my poor old battered body from further pain.

The “ring of agony” has now subsided to an ache in the side and his Maj has discovered the joy of snuggling up to the heating pad I have been using to boil the pain away.

 

I see that the Vatican has a new boss

According to the bleedin endless coverage by Auntie after just a few votes El Papa Francis the first has taken over the reins.

The 76-year-old from Buenos Aires is the first pope to take the name of Francis - reminiscent of Francis of Assisi, the 13th Century Italian reformer and patron saint of animals, who lived in poverty.

As usual “they” have elected a conservative old fart who probably won’t sort out the buggering of kiddlies by priests and the buggering of priests by other priests, and won’t last very long.

 

Which brings me to this

 

Apparently according to Nostradamus the end of a pope and the Church itself at a time when a great comet was to fill our skies. Comet Ison, said to be one of the brightest for centuries, will pass by later this year.

Quatrain II.46

"The great star for seven days shall burn

So nakedly clear like two suns appearing

The large dog all night howling

While the great Pontiff shall change his territory."

Another of Nostradamus's writings has also been associated with the end of the Catholic Church:

Quatrain VI.6:

There will appear towards the North

Not far from Cancer the bearded star:

Susa, Siena, Boeotia, Eretria,

The great one of Rome will die, the night over.

And allegedly old Nostra isn’t alone: It is the writings of Saint Malachy, an archbishop of the 1100s, which definitively states this will be the pope of the end times.

A Benedictine monk claimed to have discovered in 1595 a collection of the Saint's papers where he had purportedly secretly written down 112 brief but vague prophecies. Each is associated with the reign of an individual pope.

 

The last phrase applies to Pope Francis:

Verse 112:

"In the final persecution of the Holy Roman Church, there will sit Peter the Roman, who will pasture his sheep in many tribulations, and when these things are finished, the city of seven hills will be destroyed, and the dreadful judge will judge his people.

The End." 

I wish.... 

East to the land of many people and even more fakes

 

A new product has hit China’s market –- fake walnuts.

Reports claim that vendors put small portions of cement inside the shells and glue them together –- making them look like real walnuts. In addition, the cement is wrapped in paper to avoid unnecessary movement and noise the cement might make when displayed or checked by shoppers.

“The Ministry of Tofu,” a Chinese news source, reports:

“Mr. Li bought 2.5 kilos of walnuts from a street vendor in Zhengzhou city, Henan province on February 15. After he got home and cracked open some of them, he found that inside the walnuts were broken concrete chunks. In order to reap more profit vendors cracked open walnuts that had thin husks, took out the nutmeat and put concrete nuggets inside, then sealed the husk with glue. To prevent the concrete nuggets from knocking on their husks and making noise, the counterfeiters wrapped them with paper.”

Nutty...

West to the home of Numptys and the land of big things 

(apart from the bleedin video)

 

A video of a man jumping into a puddle - only to find it is as deep as he is tall - is going viral online.

The clip starts with the man preparing to leap into a frozen puddle in a supermarket car park in the US.

To his apparent surprise, he ends up completely submerged as the cameraman keels over in hysterics.

The video has notched up more than 1.3million views on YouTube but some users expressed doubts whether it was genuine.

One asked: "So why is there a four feet deep hole in a parking lot?"

 

Why not?

 

And talking of holes

Still in the US of A; a golfer has had to be rescued from a sinkhole that swallowed him up at an Illinois fairway.

Mark Mihal was with three friends playing the 14th hole at Annbriar Golf Course near Waterloo last Friday.

But when the 43-year-old's buddies looked round he was nowhere to be seen. 

They heard him moaning and followed the noise back to where he had been standing.

The pit that swallowed him up turned out to be 18ft deep and 10ft wide.

A ladder brought from the clubhouse was too short and Mark only had the use of one arm to pull himself up. 

Wonder if he found his ball? 

 

That’s it: I’m orf to mine the moat-just in case 

And today’s thought:

 

 

Angus