Mobility police: Broken Coalition: ‘Flying’ car that didn’t: Welsh bum biter: and the Dahn Unda floating forest.

Not much lack of cold, even less atmospheric movement, quite a lot of drizzly skywater and sod all solar stuff at the Castle this morn, back again for a quickie: the old elbow is a whimsy better, the new painkillers are doing their job, but it has taken a few days to “adjust”, no post tomorrow as I have to go up to the Aldershot centre for Elfs to have a fasting blood test so I want to sleep as late as possible because if I don’t have my morning coffee I can get a bit “touchy”.

The garden is going through a blue period:

There are some Bluebells

 

 

Some blue globey things

 

 

Even more forget-me-nots

 

 

And just to bugger it up some immigrant Pinkbells.

 

 

Left to the Shire that isn’t very stiff

 

To the place that is plain; Wiltshire police have defended using a convoy of patrol cars to escort a community support officer riding a mobility scooter.

Apparently the scooter was being driven to a nearby police station in Salisbury following the arrest of a man on suspicion of theft and assault.

Police decided the easiest way of getting the scooter to the police station was to ask a PCSO to ride it there, escorted by two marked patrol cars.

 

Does that mean that every mobility scooter has to have a police escort?

 

Up in the bit next to the leaning tower of Westminster

The Millionaires Club Coalition is close to a divorce over the In-Out EU thingy, U-Turn Cam is allegedly going to publish “draft legislation” which would write into law the pledge made by the Prime Minister earlier this year.

Apparently the development, which emerged in Washington last night, came after Bollock Obama effectively backed Dave’s attempts to renegotiate Britain’s relationship with the EU before ordering a referendum.

The president called for the Prime Monster to be given time to “fix” the EU, as he warned that Britain would lose influence if it ever left the single market.

 

Har-fucking-har; what influence.......

 

Over the big, cold salty thing on the left

 

And up a lot; On Friday, an airborne car crashed near Ellison Elementary School in Vernon, B.C., after the parachute it uses to stay afloat collapsed.

The pilot and a passenger were taken to hospital with non-life threatening injuries, the RCMP told Global News.

The Maverick LSA Flying Car was made in the Florida by I-TEC and is certified by the U.S. Federal Aviation Administration.

On its site, I-TEC says the powered parachute's "design has been developed as an easy-to-operate – air, land, and snow craft. It is intuitive and safe to fly, drive and maintain by people in frontier areas of the world enabling them to use this unique vehicle in missions and humanitarian applications."

 

Or not as the case may be.....

 

Back over to Welsh Wales

 

A female council boss has been suspended over allegations she bit the bum of the only male employee within her department.

The man, in his early 20s, bled through his underwear and had to be taken to hospital for a tetanus jab following the alleged incident at Neath Port Talbot County Borough Council, in South Wales.

An internal investigation is now being carried out into the bizarre incident, which is believed to be the culmination of a series of office pranks that spectacularly backfired.

The council has suspended the department manager, who has not been named but is in her 40s, pending the outcome.

Junior female work colleagues, who witnessed the alleged attack, are due to be interviewed.

A council spokesman said: "Following a complaint, we have suspended an employee as a neutral act, as is standard procedure whilst an investigation is carried out. Therefore we are unable to comment any further."

 

Unable to comment my arse.....

And finally:

 

Dahn Unda

 

 

 

Photo Rodney Campbell

The SS Ayrfield (originally launched as SS Corrimal), was a collier ship built in England in 1911 and used by the Commonwealth Government during World War II to transport supplies to American troops in the Pacific. It was sold in 1950 and operated as a collier on the sixty-mile run between Newcastle and Sydney, until 1972 when the ship’s registration was cancelled and it was sent to its final resting place, Homebush Bay before the 2000 Olympic Games.

The SS Ayrfield, which locals often refer to as the Floating Forest has a bunch of full-grown mangrove trees growing on it now calling this rusty partly-submerged piece of metal home, creating a new and unique attraction that draws in photographers from all over the world.

 

Wood you believe that?

 

That’s it: I’m orf to buy a hard hat-just in case

 

And today’s thought:

Education, education, education....

 

 

Angus

Oh to be in Blighty

OK I’m back-maybe; more than enough solar stuff, not enough lack of cold, just enough atmospheric movement and not even a watering can full of skywater at the Castle this morn, the last week or two have been “interesting”-ish, rested the elbow a lot, still managed to mow the moss (with a bit of grass in it), bordered the borders, hedged the hedges, visited most of the friends I have that are still alive, went to some nice places, cleaned the nu-Honda, sorted out the cupboards and fixed the leak in the shed roof.

 

This time of year is a bit dodgy for me, “M”s birthday four days ago, my old Mums in two days and my Dads five days after that which may explain my apathy, laziness, indifference, sloth or lassitude regarding the blog, visiting, commenting etc or it might be that I just couldn’t be bovvered or that I had nothing to say.

 

Anyway; after lying in the garden for the last few days soaking up the vitamin “D” and turning a nice shade of Bliar I decided to sweep the dust orf the laptop and put digit to keyboard, one thing I have noticed is that the hit rate (around a thousand a day) hasn’t changed much since I stopped blogging-maybe there is a lesson to be learnt there.

 

 

There is the usual bollocks on the box, Auntie is still only “reporting” one story each day-today it is the “Local Elections” which I didn’t bovver to take part in mainly because I can no longer tell the difference between the combatants, but it appears that old Niggle Garage’s lot seem to have soaked up most of the “protest” vote, the other load of twats are still arrogant enough to brush it orf as “mid-term blues” and “let’s wait and see what happens in the general election”.

 

Meanwhile back in the real world; the gas and leccy mob have put up my charges by 50% plus, the water thieves are still taking twice what I should be paying, the interweb provider has bumped up the “line rental” by over ten percent and I won’t even mention the price rises dahn Tesco.

 

So all in all not a lot has changed in the last fourteen days apart from getting more expensive, the Gov is still fucking about with All and Sundry, and I have to wait until next Wednesday to get the results of the x-rays and other “tests” before I know whether the elbow is treatable or the organic mechanics are going to get involved.

So there we are; the status quo is still in force, the country is still buggered, the Millionaires Club Coalition still can’t find their rear exits with a colonoscope, the economy is still verging on the ridiculous and I still don’t give stuff.

 

But on the bright side the garden is finally coming to life-there are oodles of those blue flowers-you know-oh yeah-forget me nots, the Brucie hedge has bloomed, the bluebells are on the rise, the azaleas are about to burst into blossom, the mock orange is almost mocking and the roses are shooting up faster than unemployment.

 

That’s it: I’m orf to get the sun longer out of the dry shed.

 

And today’s thought:

That’s the last time I sunbathe in the nude.

 

 

Angus

 

Not quite as buggered up: One news item a day Auntie- Did someone die?: Connolly goes retail: Scrap yard Numpty: and a slice of resignation.

Vast amounts of atmospheric movement, venal amounts of lack of warm, very little skywater and Dawn’s crack is as big as the biggest thing you can think of at the Castle this morn, after several days (plus a couple) of “resting” the annoying, painful, locked up elbow it feels OKish enough to attempt yet another piss poor post.

The good thing about the last few light things is that I have had the chance to catch up on stuff like watching a few DVDs, reading some books and other nice stuff.

 

Auntie is it seems suffering from a lack of news

 

And has resorted to “reporting” just one news item a day-all day and all fucking night, today it is the explosion of a fertiliser factory in the Lone Star state, earlier in the week was the “unexpected” terrorist attack at the Boston marathon, yesterday it was the 6.00 am to midnight coverage of the funeral of someone who popped their clogs at the ripe old age of 87 after a very long and very privileged life and was dragged through the smoke looking at the arse end of some horses.

Luckily I managed to miss this “spectacle” by turning orf the TV and doing “proper” stuff.

 

Is the BBC suffering from tunnel vision, or have they reached the stage that they can’t be bovvered to source out news that is relevant to the inhabitants of Blighty, where are the stories about the multitudes dying in NHS ‘Orspitals, or old farts starving to death so that they can put the heating on, or the dodgy deals of the Millionaires Club Coalition.

Do they think that we are so stupid that we can only cope with one bit of information at a time which comes from a foreign country or are they in league with “them” so that we aren’t aware of what is really happening?

 

Norf of the border

It seems that master William Connolly doesn’t have enough filthy lucre under his mattress yet and has gorn retail by hawking his own range of clothing and household good - including man-bags and
tea towels.

And best of all his not very handsome old face is emblazoned on most of his “merchandise”, in the form of the “Vitruvian Man” logo from his The Man Live tour and an Andy Warhol-style colourful mouse

His Fair-trade cotton “man-bag”, which features the logo inspired by the famous artwork by Leonardo da Vinci, is being sold for £4.50, while caps and beanies emblazoned with the slogan “Too old to die young” are on sale for £10 and £8 respectively.

The £10 tea towels are inscribed with one-liners including “Never trust a man who, when left alone with a tea cosy, doesn’t try it on” and “Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again so is a bicycle repair kit” and bear Connolly’s signature.

 

Oh fucking joy, I can’t wait to pay to advertise the rich old fart.

 

West to the home of the junk yard and the land of gear heads

 

On Tuesday evening at around 6 p.m., in Jamestown NY a 1995 blue Chevrolet Tahoe was travelling north on Monroe Street toward Eighth Street when it failed to stop at the intersection and was struck by a vehicle travelling east on Eighth Street.

An Alstar ambulance was called to the scene for occupants of the eastbound vehicle driven by a Kennedy man, while the driver of the Tahoe was not seriously injured.

Upon investigation it was found that Jason Burger, 28, of Barrett Avenue, Jamestown was attempting to take his Tahoe to the scrap yard. According to police, Burger indicated his vehicle did not have brakes.

Burger is facing charges of failure to stop at a stop sign and inadequate brakes. He is also being charged with reckless endangerment after revealing to police that he had removed lug nuts from the wheels of his vehicle and disconnected the battery before coasting down the hill and through the stop sign. Isaacson stated that the subject had intended to bring his car to the scrap yard located near the location of the accident, but was unable to cross over Eighth Street before being struck by the oncoming vehicle.

 

Thank him/her upstairs for Numptys...

 

And finally:

 

Back in newsworthy Blighty

 

A Cambridgeshire man recently gave notice with a message piped on top of a passion cake, Chris Holmes, an immigration officer for Border Force at Stansted Airport, handed in his resignation yesterday beautifully piped in neat black letters on a flawless page of white royal icing. "The writing was quite fiddly," he says (he had practised on a sheet of paper). "I would have done it a bit neater if I'd known it was going to go viral."

Addressing his letter to "The Management", Holmes writes in upright and looping script: "Having recently become a father I now realise how precious life is and how important it is to spend my time doing something that makes me, and other people, happy. For that reason, I hereby give notice of my resignation, in order that I may devote my time and energy to my family, and my cake business."

Holmes, 31, who lives in Sawston, Cambridgeshire, is otherwise known as Mr Cake, in the baking business that he has been building up in his spare time over the past two or three years. He arrived for his day job at Stansted on Monday with his large rectangular passion cake in a box – "a spiced carrot cake with pecans and sultanas and coconut" – and a resignation letter, and handed over both at once to the duty manager sitting on the podium behind the immigration desks. The manager and his colleagues "were surprised and amazed", Holmes says. "But they took it very well. It was a huge cake-Ten by 12 inches, with about 18 eggs in it." He made it in two parts, splicing them together with orange icing. "The people who tasted it say it was very nice," said Toby Allanson, a spokesman for Border Force.

 

No wonder there are so many illegal immigrants in the country...

 

That’s it; the elbow is playing up again: I’m orf to shrink some batteries

 

And today’s thought:

Time to go

 

Angus

Buggered up

No posts for the foreseeable future, the right elbow has locked up completely (and the left one isn't much better), awaiting appointment with the General Medic-next Monday.....

I have tried elbow grease with not a lot of success.

But here is a snap of his Maj in ambush mode on top of the kitchen cupboards to keep you amused.

Angus

Hijack a plane?-there’s an app for that: C-U Irn Bru: Soup of the day: Lambo Law: and Scottish polish.

More than enough skywater, nearly enough lack of cold, overdone atmospheric movement and bugger all solar stuff at the Castle this morn, I was rudely awakened at 3.05 of the am by the sound of wet stuff hitting the windows, or in other words it chucked it dahn until 5 of the am by which time I decided that it was time to rise and moan.

And it seems that today isn’t going to get much better.

 

East a whimsy to the land of the Luftwaffe

A 30 year old tosspot called Hugh Teso reckons that he was able to exploit gaps in an aeroplane's data system and take it over with a few presses of a button.

Addressing the Hack in the Box conference in Amsterdam, Mr Teso said he developed an app for Android called PlaneSploit that could interfere with a plane's flight management systems.

Using a flight simulator he said he could make the plane "dance to his tune" and demonstrated how he was able to control everything from its air conditioning to its navigational systems.

The app itself appears as an animated cockpit complete with buttons to direct the aircraft to a specific location or send it crashing to the ground.

One function would make lights flash inside the cockpit, giving a terrified pilot the impression that the aircraft's systems were failing.

The hacking would only work if the aircraft was set to autopilot and could be over ridden by a pilot manually retaking control of the plane, Mr Teso said.

The US Federal Aviation Authority (FAA) said it did not believe Mr Teso's claim to be able to take over an aircraft.

 

Or at least they hope so.....

 

 Norf of the Border

 

A new advert for Irn Bru - under investigation over claims that it's anti-English - is becoming a smash hit online.

The ad, entitled New Fella, shows a Scottish dad drinking Irn-Bru to keep his temper in check as he meets his daughter's new English boyfriend, reports The Scotsman.

The father struggles to keep his cool as he chats with the lad who wears an England shirt and has a bulldog called Wembley which breaks wind on a Saltire rug.

So far, the 40-second clip has attracted nearly 70 complaints to advertising watchdogs - and more than 1.1million views on YouTube.

Irn Bru maker AG Barr's Facebook page was inundated with complaints about the advert, including one from Peter Menzies, who said: "It's too stereotypical that all Scots hate the English."

Craig Russell added: "When did racism become funny? Bru ads can be much wittier than this stereotypical trash."

A spokesman for Irn-Bru said: "We've not set out to cause offence. Our ads are known for their cheeky sense of humour."

An ASA spokesman confirmed the complaints were being assessed.

 

Never touch the stuff....

 

West to the home of the tealeaf and the land of GPS

Eusebio Diaz Acosta was arrested and charged with stealing a tractor trailer loaded with $75,000 worth of Campbell’s soup bound for a Publix grocery store from a truck stop in Central Florida.

The police were able to track the truck and its cargo via the truck’s GPS system, and pulled over the stolen rig on the Florida Turnpike. That’s when Acosta, 51, was arrested and charged with two counts of grand theft — one each for the tractor trailer and the cargo, according to the Sun Sentinel.


Wonder if he had a tin opener….

 

East more than a lot to the land of oil and stuff

Dubai's police force has unveiled its latest patrol car - a specially modified, quarter-of-a-million pound Lamborghini Aventador, capable of speeds up to 217mph.

In Dubai, where petrol is cheaper than drinking water, authorities face significant challenges to curb road accidents caused by speeding. 

Last year, official figures put road deaths at 122, with 2,161 injuries, many of which occurred on the emirate's notorious Sheikh Zayed highway.

Around 15% of traffic fines issued in Dubai every day are for driving at speeds in excess of 130mph, police figures released in March showed.

Last year, Dubai police announced they had issued 67,000 traffic fines in one month alone, 2,000 of which were for reversing on motorways.

 

Good luck with that, think I’ll stick to the Honda.

 

And finally:

 

Norf of the border again

Scottish company Mitchell & King has launched a limited edition car wax in honour of the ultimate luxury lifestyle car race – the goldRush Rally.

The GRV car wax boasts a gold shimmer and will apparently protect the vehicle for up to 4 months.

The container is milled from the finest grade Titanium, coated with 24ct Gold and encrusted with Swarovski crystals and 10 x 0.5-carat, F Colour, VS2, brilliant round cut diamonds and includes 2 24-carat gold rings, as well as the application of GRV wax by a Mitchell & King approved detailer. Oh, and the wax will be delivered personally by the company’s director.

 

And all for the meagre price of………£63005.53 per bottle

 

Pass….

 

That’s it: I’m orf to go bat hunting

 

And today’s thought:

You’re nicked

 

Angus

Second best Blighty: It’s a Pigs Life: Aunties Elfandsafety: and the Aryayek Time Travelling Machine.

Many, many drops of skywater, nary a wheeze of atmospheric movement, quite a lot of lack of cold and not a glimmer of solar stuff at the Castle this morn, just returned from the stale bread, gruel and his Maj’s food run dahn Tesco, even more interweb robots to avoid and according to the “price check” thingy I managed to save 1p over the other places I could have gorn to spend my dosh.

Woke up this morn with a really, really big Quasi, don’t know why I think it must be the loss of the rusty old bag taking its toll.

 

I see that the “debate” over the old handbag is continuing

 

Pic from Funny Pictures

And after almost two days, endless bleedin hours of mas-terbate in the arse of Commons and seven hundred “news” items the old fart will be planted next Wednesday after being dragged through the Smoke on a (part time) gun carriage.

Of course the Millionaires Club Sideboard won’t tell us how much we are going to fork out for the forking waste of time and money because as usual they don’t have a clue.

 

Roll on next Thursday....

 

 

According to U.S. “Economists”

Britain has been ranked as the second most advanced country in the world in a new measure designed to rival GDP.

And the UK outstrips the United States, Germany, France and Japan for overall progress in living standards, infrastructure and individual opportunity.

Only Sweden scores more highly overall in the new “Social Progress Index” (SPI), which ranks 50 leading countries by combining figures on everything from health and crime to broadband access and freedom of speech.

According to the authors, Britain’s constant efforts to “straddle” Europe and America have made it one if the best places to live in the world overall.

 

Oh har-fucking-har, you can tell they don’t live here....

 

West to the home of economists and the land of this little piggy

A pig pardoned by the Piggly Wiggly grocery chain and sent to a farm to live out the rest of its life has been shot to death after it escaped from its pen in Charleston County.

Deputies said the 700-pound pig named Maggie was killed Tuesday afternoon by a 26-year-old man, who told investigators he was afraid the pig was going to cause a wreck.

But witnesses told deputies the man said he was going to kill the pig and take it to a local butcher, then went home to get a pistol. They also told investigators the man appeared to be trying to load the dead animal into his vehicle before more people arrived.

Deputies wrote a citation for malicious injury to animals that carries a $1,092 fine.

 

“Malicious injury”, a bit of an understatement methinks...

 

Back in second best Blighty and to wherever Auntie is nowadays,

Allegedly BBC workers are fuming after being told they are not allowed to pick up hot sausages with tongs or make their own toast – in case they burn themselves.

The BBC Club, set up as a private-members group for employees in 1924, was put in charge of the Beeb canteen on April 2.

But just a week later, staff at the Media Centre in White City, West London, are complaining at the “health and safety crackdown” that means they cannot pick up sausages – even with tongs.

BBC bosses defended the apparently new restrictions, claiming that such actions had “never” been allowed.

Which does explain a lot....

 

And finally:

 

East to one of the “troubled” countries

Apparently Ali Razeghi, a Tehran scientist has registered "The Aryayek Time Travelling Machine" with the state-run Centre for Strategic Inventions.

The device can predict the future in a print out after taking readings from the touch of a user, he told the Fars state news agency.

Razeghi, 27, said the device worked by a set of complex algorithms to "predict five to eight years of the future life of any individual, with 98 percent accuracy".

According to the “scientist” "My invention easily fits into the size of a personal computer case and can predict details of the next 5-8 years of the life of its users. It will not take you into the future it will bring the future to you."

Razeghi says Iran's government can predict the possibility of a military confrontation with a foreign country, and forecast the fluctuation in the value of foreign currencies and oil prices by using his new invention.

 

Not working that well is it Razeghi; back to the drawing board: but you probably know that already.....

 

That’s it: I’m orf to edit some Google maps

 

And today’s thought:

This tinnitus is giving me the hump

 

Angus

If only: New Age lunacy: Sting in the tale vodka: Origami condoms: Big Dick at Nurburgring: and Smelling Rosemary.

Loads of ex skywater, limited atmospheric movement, little lack of cold and sod all solar stuff at the Castle this morn, the “nues” seems to have returned to its usual level of coverage and the left elbow appears to have come out in sympathy with its opposite joint.

 

Allegedly the bit next to the leaning tower of Westminster

Will be packed with those on benefits to laud the memory of the old bag that snatched milk from the young.

 

Now North Korea NOW!

 

Left a whimsy from the Smoke

A woodland beauty spot is to be turned into what is believed to be the first official purpose built New Age travellers camp in Britain.

The site at Haldon Hill, near Exeter, Devon, has been used illegally by travellers for 12 years, but is now to be revamped using £1.11 million of taxpayer’s money.

The proposal will replace the existing ramshackle camp with 15 official plots for “new travellers” under plans approved by Teignbridge District Council.

Communal allotments, a children’s play area and composting bins will all be installed at the site as part of the project.

Parking for visitors along with new sanitation will also be installed while the camp will have a permanent site manager.

It has been given approval under a Government initiative announced last year to provide £60 million of funding for new official gypsy and traveller sites.

 

Wonder how many “proper” homes £1.1 million would build...

 

East to the land where radiation has no effect-honest...

It is said that the Japanese giant hornet has a quarter-inch stinger that pumps out venom containing an enzyme so strong that it can literally dissolve human tissue. The sting of a giant hornet causes excruciating pain, yet some people are willing to endure a few stings while trying to capture them to make a special kind of shouchuu (Japanese liquor similar to vodka).

Allegedly someone who is stung by a Japanese giant hornet who doesn’t receive proper treatment soon thereafter can die from an allergic reaction to the venom. About 40 deaths related to giant hornet stings are recorded every year.

In Japan’s Kumamoto Prefecture huntsmen catch hornets and leave them to ferment in alcohol for three years, fermented wasp shouchuu apparently has an unappetizing muddy-brown colour and smells a bit like rotting flesh.

To prepare the liquor, a large number of live wasps are placed in a large mason jar, which is then filled with shouchuu. The jar is then sealed and the hornets left to drown in the alcohol. Desperate to escape, they release their venom which gives the drink its signature taste and curative properties.

 

Num-num-num can’t wait to try that....

 

Staying with the Japanese theme

A small business in California called Origami Condoms is working on a revolutionary new prophylactic modelled after the Japanese art of paper folding which has won the approval of the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation for being the only design to radically change the contraceptive.

Origami Condoms' design, which has condoms folded up rather than rolled up like the ones currently sold at most stores that sell health and convenience products, acts as a loose-fitting sheath when it's in use and is said to move with the natural movement of the body.

Origami Condoms are still in clinical testing and will not be available for purchase until early 2015 at the soonest, according to Resnic.

The condom designs must first go through several phases testing before the company can apply for FDA approval, he said.

Resnic said his company has not yet set a price for their accordion-shaped condoms, that they will likely cost more than traditional rubbers.

 

Of course they will-that’s the price of “progress”....

 

Over to the land that is known for precision and engineering

Germany’s iconic Nurburgring, home of motor racing since the 1920s, has been defaced by vandals who daubed a penis onto the track at the notorious Brunnchen corner.

The incident is believed to have happened on Saturday night, with the world ‘Danish’ written alongside the genitalia – apparently aimed at a Danish driver who has previously used the track.

The incident left German police to call in a paint-stripping machine to remove the artwork and dry out the surface – an operation which took hours and left the Nurburgring out of use to ‘tourist rides’ on Sunday.

 

No sense of humour the Germans...

 

And finally:

 

According to “experts”

The smell of rosemary could boost your memory; the aroma of essential oil from the herb could improve memory in healthy adults, according to researchers from the University of Northumbria.

The smell may enhance the ability to remember events and to remember to complete tasks at particular times, they said.

A group of 66 people were given memory tests in either a rosemary-scented room or another room with no scent. Participants were tasked with various tests to assess their memory functions, including finding hidden objects and passing specified objects to researchers at a particular time.

The results, presented at the British Psychological Society's annual conference in Harrogate, showed that participants in the rosemary-scented room performed better on the prospective memory tasks than those in the room with no smell.

 

Great.....now what was it again......

 

That’s it: I’m orf to have a frack in the garden-now that is safe...

 

And today’s thought:

 

 

Angus