Testing testing

Oodles of cloudy stuff, average lack of cold, not a whimsy of skywater (yet) and sod all solar stuff at the Castle this morn.

Real life has indeed been rather testing this last week or four, the elbow is still agony, the earliest I can get physio (and I would rather skip that route and go straight to the surgical option) is the middle of July and the quandary is that if I take the Tramadol I can do things but the old left handed brain cell loses its ability to string more than one word to another and vice-versa.

So I thought I would risk the pain and let "all" the friends, readers and commenter's know that I am still alive-physically at least. 

But I have managed to keep the garden looking fairly decent, and I decided to have the Honda serviced-Har-fucking-har, the cheapest I could find was £199 and the Honda people wanted nearly £400, so; I purchased the oil, oil filter, air filter, cabin filter and a set of plugs online for £33.50 with free delivery which arrived the next day. The service took me about an hour-including greasing up all the doors, handbrake, bonnet catch and various other bits and pieces.

 Up yours garages.....

And talking of places and people that rip you orf.

 

I see that Clone "B"

Otherwise known as the Ed Milli-Band has finally morphed into a Tory, now we have no choice whatsoever at the next election apart from old Niggle Garage and his unobtainable economic policies.

 

Over in the upper part of the Irish Isle

The multi millionaire leaders of most of the free world have gathered to work out how they will be able to get round the new agreements they will reach on tax evading/avoiding.

And what to do in the middle east, which has absolutely fuck all to do with the G8, us the Americans and everyone else apart from those in Syria who are quite welcome to blast each other to kingdom come, at least it keeps all the "terrorists" in one place.

 

Somewhere in a shed in Blighty

 

Designers John Foden, 37, and Yannick Read, 42, have spent two years working on an advanced prototype of the ride able aircraft that they have called the Paravelo, which is capable to travelling at speeds of 15mph on land and 25mph in the air.

When cycling the bicycle tows a lightweight trailer carrying a powerful fan. In order to fly, the bike attaches to its trailer, a flexible wing is unfurled and an electric starter motor fires up the biofuel-powered fan.

The say they need £50,000 to finalise the design that could be brought off the shelf and have launched a kickstarter project to raise the money from investors.

To contribute to the project click here.

 
Think I'll pass on that one...what I don't need is cyclists plummeting from the sky onto the new-ish motor....

 
And finally
 

Due to lack of self esteem

 

 

 

Old fart Arnie (I belong in a museum) Schwarzenegger is thinking of coming back as the Terminator in the franchise's fifth instalment next year.

The action star will be reprising his role as a futuristic cyborg for the first time since Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines from 2003.

The former Governor of California announced the news during a speech at the 21st Century Financial Education Summit event in Australia.

"I'm very happy that the studios want me to be in Terminator 5 and to star as the Terminator, which we start shooting in January," Arnie told fan-site TheArnoldFans.

 

Oh great-can't wait.....

 

That's it: I'm orf to blame the French for the prices dahn Tesco

 

And today's thought:

I didn't pay my license fee because-

 

 

Angus

 

Cop that: Last voyage: EU serve olive oil: Up over Dahn Unda: and Harry has a banger.

Quite a lot of lack of cold, too much drizzly skywater, just enough atmospheric movement and sod all solar stuff at the Castle this morn, the elbow is still playing up, the garden is still doing its thing and his Maj is full of the joys of.......something.

 

Some white-bluebells

 

Some other white stuff

And some purple stuff

 

 

Just returned from the stale bread, gruel and his Maj's food run dahn Tesco, prices are going up so fast by the time you get to the checkout the increases are added to the bill.

A while since the last post, the old left handed brain cell has been a bit foggy and there hasn't been much to write about.

And to be honest there still isn't.

 

The main "news" item seems to be

The ongoing saga of the shit shovers and pussy pummellers "right" to wed, which is causing a bit of a hoo-ha in the Millionaires Club Coalition ranks, while the rest of us are more concerned with paying the bills and affording food "they" seen to think that this "bill" will attract the younger generation to the Tory cause so that Dave and his non gay mates will return to power at the next election.

 

Does anyone really give a culled Badgers bollocks?

 

 

All across buggered Blighty

Quite a lot of plod are doing rather well, apparently almost 5,000 retired police officers who have been re-employed by their old force are receiving both a pension and a salary paid by us.

Allegedly they are ‘double dipping’ into the public purse by receiving both a generous monthly pension and a salary from their new job, with one force having more than one in five of all civilian staff jobs carried out by former warranted officers.

Among those senior officers ‘double dipping’ is Andy Trotter, the Chief Constable of British Transport Police, who earns £150,000 at his current job and receives a further reported £70,000 a-year in pension, having retired from another force. 

A spokesman for the Police Federation said retired officers who went back to work for their old forces were providing a benefit to the public.

“If a retired officer wishes to do a civilian post this is not only beneficial for the service but also the public as it retains the knowledge and skills gained and uses these in a complimentary and important support function.”

 

Oh well: That's alright then.....

 

Dahn Sarf

To Pompey: Large crowds are expected to gather later to watch aircraft carrier Ark Royal leave the port for the final time.

The Royal Navy's former flagship was decommissioned early following the 2010 defence review and is being towed to Turkey for scrap.

As part of a £2.9m deal she will go to the same yard that took her sister ship Invincible.

Former crew members are expected to watch as she leaves at about 13:00 BST.

 

A sad day for the Navy and Blighty...

 

Right a bit to where the hard round green things come from

Allegedly European Union bureaucrats managed to find the time on Saturday to impose strict new rules on how restaurants serve olive oil.

From January 1, 2014, eateries will be banned from serving oil to diners in small glass jugs or dipping bowls, and forced instead to use pre-sealed, non-refillable bottles that must be disposed of when empty.

The European Commission said the move is designed to improve hygiene and reassure consumers the olive oil in restaurants has not been diluted with an inferior product.

 

Nice to see that they have their priorities right.....

 

Dahn Unda

 A controversial British-made hot air balloon takes to the skies this weekend to commemorate the 100th birthday of Australia's capital city.

Dubbed the Skywhale, the colossal creation was designed by artist Patricia Piccinini and built by Cameron Balloons in Bristol.

With its turtle-like face and ten huge udders, the Skywhale has divided opinion, as has the £192,000 cost of the project.

It is 34 metres long - twice the size of an average hot air balloon - and took 16 people seven months to make.

Ms Piccinini sent her 3D model of the Skywhale to Cameron Balloons last year who imported it into their design systems.

Cameron Balloons then transferred the colours, patterns and textures of the design onto 3,535 metres of fabric.

Ms Piccinini said: "It is such an amazing chance to make something so massive and wonderful.

 

Yeah right....

 

And finally:

 

Still Dahn Unda

Tiffany Evans was about to take her children to school when her Samoyed Harry brought her a "present". "Harry came running to the back door with what I assumed was a stick in his mouth. He stopped and gave it to me and I thought: 'It looks like a stick of dynamite'," she said.

Mrs Evans put the explosive aside and took the kids to school before returning to investigate. She then took the explosive into the family's road machinery factory at the rear of her property in Haven - south of Horsham in Victoria's west.

After emailing photos to friends and searching the internet, Mrs Evans was sure Harry had brought home either dynamite or gelignite.

Police were called in and photos sent to the bomb squad.

"The officers asked that no one got within 10m of it," Mrs Evans said.

After a tense wait the explosive was revealed to be a large fire cracker.

The cracker has been put in a mechanic's pit in the family's factory until they can work out how to get rid of it.

The "Interesting" bit is " Mrs Evans put the explosive aside and took the kids to school before returning to investigate."

 

Talk about laid back......

 

That's it: I'm orf to upgrade the desktop computer

 

And today's thought:

Now that I have my pension and a job we can afford to get married.

 

Angus

Mobility police: Broken Coalition: ‘Flying’ car that didn’t: Welsh bum biter: and the Dahn Unda floating forest.

Not much lack of cold, even less atmospheric movement, quite a lot of drizzly skywater and sod all solar stuff at the Castle this morn, back again for a quickie: the old elbow is a whimsy better, the new painkillers are doing their job, but it has taken a few days to “adjust”, no post tomorrow as I have to go up to the Aldershot centre for Elfs to have a fasting blood test so I want to sleep as late as possible because if I don’t have my morning coffee I can get a bit “touchy”.

The garden is going through a blue period:

There are some Bluebells

 

 

Some blue globey things

 

 

Even more forget-me-nots

 

 

And just to bugger it up some immigrant Pinkbells.

 

 

Left to the Shire that isn’t very stiff

 

To the place that is plain; Wiltshire police have defended using a convoy of patrol cars to escort a community support officer riding a mobility scooter.

Apparently the scooter was being driven to a nearby police station in Salisbury following the arrest of a man on suspicion of theft and assault.

Police decided the easiest way of getting the scooter to the police station was to ask a PCSO to ride it there, escorted by two marked patrol cars.

 

Does that mean that every mobility scooter has to have a police escort?

 

Up in the bit next to the leaning tower of Westminster

The Millionaires Club Coalition is close to a divorce over the In-Out EU thingy, U-Turn Cam is allegedly going to publish “draft legislation” which would write into law the pledge made by the Prime Minister earlier this year.

Apparently the development, which emerged in Washington last night, came after Bollock Obama effectively backed Dave’s attempts to renegotiate Britain’s relationship with the EU before ordering a referendum.

The president called for the Prime Monster to be given time to “fix” the EU, as he warned that Britain would lose influence if it ever left the single market.

 

Har-fucking-har; what influence.......

 

Over the big, cold salty thing on the left

 

And up a lot; On Friday, an airborne car crashed near Ellison Elementary School in Vernon, B.C., after the parachute it uses to stay afloat collapsed.

The pilot and a passenger were taken to hospital with non-life threatening injuries, the RCMP told Global News.

The Maverick LSA Flying Car was made in the Florida by I-TEC and is certified by the U.S. Federal Aviation Administration.

On its site, I-TEC says the powered parachute's "design has been developed as an easy-to-operate – air, land, and snow craft. It is intuitive and safe to fly, drive and maintain by people in frontier areas of the world enabling them to use this unique vehicle in missions and humanitarian applications."

 

Or not as the case may be.....

 

Back over to Welsh Wales

 

A female council boss has been suspended over allegations she bit the bum of the only male employee within her department.

The man, in his early 20s, bled through his underwear and had to be taken to hospital for a tetanus jab following the alleged incident at Neath Port Talbot County Borough Council, in South Wales.

An internal investigation is now being carried out into the bizarre incident, which is believed to be the culmination of a series of office pranks that spectacularly backfired.

The council has suspended the department manager, who has not been named but is in her 40s, pending the outcome.

Junior female work colleagues, who witnessed the alleged attack, are due to be interviewed.

A council spokesman said: "Following a complaint, we have suspended an employee as a neutral act, as is standard procedure whilst an investigation is carried out. Therefore we are unable to comment any further."

 

Unable to comment my arse.....

And finally:

 

Dahn Unda

 

 

 

Photo Rodney Campbell

The SS Ayrfield (originally launched as SS Corrimal), was a collier ship built in England in 1911 and used by the Commonwealth Government during World War II to transport supplies to American troops in the Pacific. It was sold in 1950 and operated as a collier on the sixty-mile run between Newcastle and Sydney, until 1972 when the ship’s registration was cancelled and it was sent to its final resting place, Homebush Bay before the 2000 Olympic Games.

The SS Ayrfield, which locals often refer to as the Floating Forest has a bunch of full-grown mangrove trees growing on it now calling this rusty partly-submerged piece of metal home, creating a new and unique attraction that draws in photographers from all over the world.

 

Wood you believe that?

 

That’s it: I’m orf to buy a hard hat-just in case

 

And today’s thought:

Education, education, education....

 

 

Angus

Oh to be in Blighty

OK I’m back-maybe; more than enough solar stuff, not enough lack of cold, just enough atmospheric movement and not even a watering can full of skywater at the Castle this morn, the last week or two have been “interesting”-ish, rested the elbow a lot, still managed to mow the moss (with a bit of grass in it), bordered the borders, hedged the hedges, visited most of the friends I have that are still alive, went to some nice places, cleaned the nu-Honda, sorted out the cupboards and fixed the leak in the shed roof.

 

This time of year is a bit dodgy for me, “M”s birthday four days ago, my old Mums in two days and my Dads five days after that which may explain my apathy, laziness, indifference, sloth or lassitude regarding the blog, visiting, commenting etc or it might be that I just couldn’t be bovvered or that I had nothing to say.

 

Anyway; after lying in the garden for the last few days soaking up the vitamin “D” and turning a nice shade of Bliar I decided to sweep the dust orf the laptop and put digit to keyboard, one thing I have noticed is that the hit rate (around a thousand a day) hasn’t changed much since I stopped blogging-maybe there is a lesson to be learnt there.

 

 

There is the usual bollocks on the box, Auntie is still only “reporting” one story each day-today it is the “Local Elections” which I didn’t bovver to take part in mainly because I can no longer tell the difference between the combatants, but it appears that old Niggle Garage’s lot seem to have soaked up most of the “protest” vote, the other load of twats are still arrogant enough to brush it orf as “mid-term blues” and “let’s wait and see what happens in the general election”.

 

Meanwhile back in the real world; the gas and leccy mob have put up my charges by 50% plus, the water thieves are still taking twice what I should be paying, the interweb provider has bumped up the “line rental” by over ten percent and I won’t even mention the price rises dahn Tesco.

 

So all in all not a lot has changed in the last fourteen days apart from getting more expensive, the Gov is still fucking about with All and Sundry, and I have to wait until next Wednesday to get the results of the x-rays and other “tests” before I know whether the elbow is treatable or the organic mechanics are going to get involved.

So there we are; the status quo is still in force, the country is still buggered, the Millionaires Club Coalition still can’t find their rear exits with a colonoscope, the economy is still verging on the ridiculous and I still don’t give stuff.

 

But on the bright side the garden is finally coming to life-there are oodles of those blue flowers-you know-oh yeah-forget me nots, the Brucie hedge has bloomed, the bluebells are on the rise, the azaleas are about to burst into blossom, the mock orange is almost mocking and the roses are shooting up faster than unemployment.

 

That’s it: I’m orf to get the sun longer out of the dry shed.

 

And today’s thought:

That’s the last time I sunbathe in the nude.

 

 

Angus

 

Not quite as buggered up: One news item a day Auntie- Did someone die?: Connolly goes retail: Scrap yard Numpty: and a slice of resignation.

Vast amounts of atmospheric movement, venal amounts of lack of warm, very little skywater and Dawn’s crack is as big as the biggest thing you can think of at the Castle this morn, after several days (plus a couple) of “resting” the annoying, painful, locked up elbow it feels OKish enough to attempt yet another piss poor post.

The good thing about the last few light things is that I have had the chance to catch up on stuff like watching a few DVDs, reading some books and other nice stuff.

 

Auntie is it seems suffering from a lack of news

 

And has resorted to “reporting” just one news item a day-all day and all fucking night, today it is the explosion of a fertiliser factory in the Lone Star state, earlier in the week was the “unexpected” terrorist attack at the Boston marathon, yesterday it was the 6.00 am to midnight coverage of the funeral of someone who popped their clogs at the ripe old age of 87 after a very long and very privileged life and was dragged through the smoke looking at the arse end of some horses.

Luckily I managed to miss this “spectacle” by turning orf the TV and doing “proper” stuff.

 

Is the BBC suffering from tunnel vision, or have they reached the stage that they can’t be bovvered to source out news that is relevant to the inhabitants of Blighty, where are the stories about the multitudes dying in NHS ‘Orspitals, or old farts starving to death so that they can put the heating on, or the dodgy deals of the Millionaires Club Coalition.

Do they think that we are so stupid that we can only cope with one bit of information at a time which comes from a foreign country or are they in league with “them” so that we aren’t aware of what is really happening?

 

Norf of the border

It seems that master William Connolly doesn’t have enough filthy lucre under his mattress yet and has gorn retail by hawking his own range of clothing and household good - including man-bags and
tea towels.

And best of all his not very handsome old face is emblazoned on most of his “merchandise”, in the form of the “Vitruvian Man” logo from his The Man Live tour and an Andy Warhol-style colourful mouse

His Fair-trade cotton “man-bag”, which features the logo inspired by the famous artwork by Leonardo da Vinci, is being sold for £4.50, while caps and beanies emblazoned with the slogan “Too old to die young” are on sale for £10 and £8 respectively.

The £10 tea towels are inscribed with one-liners including “Never trust a man who, when left alone with a tea cosy, doesn’t try it on” and “Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again so is a bicycle repair kit” and bear Connolly’s signature.

 

Oh fucking joy, I can’t wait to pay to advertise the rich old fart.

 

West to the home of the junk yard and the land of gear heads

 

On Tuesday evening at around 6 p.m., in Jamestown NY a 1995 blue Chevrolet Tahoe was travelling north on Monroe Street toward Eighth Street when it failed to stop at the intersection and was struck by a vehicle travelling east on Eighth Street.

An Alstar ambulance was called to the scene for occupants of the eastbound vehicle driven by a Kennedy man, while the driver of the Tahoe was not seriously injured.

Upon investigation it was found that Jason Burger, 28, of Barrett Avenue, Jamestown was attempting to take his Tahoe to the scrap yard. According to police, Burger indicated his vehicle did not have brakes.

Burger is facing charges of failure to stop at a stop sign and inadequate brakes. He is also being charged with reckless endangerment after revealing to police that he had removed lug nuts from the wheels of his vehicle and disconnected the battery before coasting down the hill and through the stop sign. Isaacson stated that the subject had intended to bring his car to the scrap yard located near the location of the accident, but was unable to cross over Eighth Street before being struck by the oncoming vehicle.

 

Thank him/her upstairs for Numptys...

 

And finally:

 

Back in newsworthy Blighty

 

A Cambridgeshire man recently gave notice with a message piped on top of a passion cake, Chris Holmes, an immigration officer for Border Force at Stansted Airport, handed in his resignation yesterday beautifully piped in neat black letters on a flawless page of white royal icing. "The writing was quite fiddly," he says (he had practised on a sheet of paper). "I would have done it a bit neater if I'd known it was going to go viral."

Addressing his letter to "The Management", Holmes writes in upright and looping script: "Having recently become a father I now realise how precious life is and how important it is to spend my time doing something that makes me, and other people, happy. For that reason, I hereby give notice of my resignation, in order that I may devote my time and energy to my family, and my cake business."

Holmes, 31, who lives in Sawston, Cambridgeshire, is otherwise known as Mr Cake, in the baking business that he has been building up in his spare time over the past two or three years. He arrived for his day job at Stansted on Monday with his large rectangular passion cake in a box – "a spiced carrot cake with pecans and sultanas and coconut" – and a resignation letter, and handed over both at once to the duty manager sitting on the podium behind the immigration desks. The manager and his colleagues "were surprised and amazed", Holmes says. "But they took it very well. It was a huge cake-Ten by 12 inches, with about 18 eggs in it." He made it in two parts, splicing them together with orange icing. "The people who tasted it say it was very nice," said Toby Allanson, a spokesman for Border Force.

 

No wonder there are so many illegal immigrants in the country...

 

That’s it; the elbow is playing up again: I’m orf to shrink some batteries

 

And today’s thought:

Time to go

 

Angus

Buggered up

No posts for the foreseeable future, the right elbow has locked up completely (and the left one isn't much better), awaiting appointment with the General Medic-next Monday.....

I have tried elbow grease with not a lot of success.

But here is a snap of his Maj in ambush mode on top of the kitchen cupboards to keep you amused.

Angus

Hijack a plane?-there’s an app for that: C-U Irn Bru: Soup of the day: Lambo Law: and Scottish polish.

More than enough skywater, nearly enough lack of cold, overdone atmospheric movement and bugger all solar stuff at the Castle this morn, I was rudely awakened at 3.05 of the am by the sound of wet stuff hitting the windows, or in other words it chucked it dahn until 5 of the am by which time I decided that it was time to rise and moan.

And it seems that today isn’t going to get much better.

 

East a whimsy to the land of the Luftwaffe

A 30 year old tosspot called Hugh Teso reckons that he was able to exploit gaps in an aeroplane's data system and take it over with a few presses of a button.

Addressing the Hack in the Box conference in Amsterdam, Mr Teso said he developed an app for Android called PlaneSploit that could interfere with a plane's flight management systems.

Using a flight simulator he said he could make the plane "dance to his tune" and demonstrated how he was able to control everything from its air conditioning to its navigational systems.

The app itself appears as an animated cockpit complete with buttons to direct the aircraft to a specific location or send it crashing to the ground.

One function would make lights flash inside the cockpit, giving a terrified pilot the impression that the aircraft's systems were failing.

The hacking would only work if the aircraft was set to autopilot and could be over ridden by a pilot manually retaking control of the plane, Mr Teso said.

The US Federal Aviation Authority (FAA) said it did not believe Mr Teso's claim to be able to take over an aircraft.

 

Or at least they hope so.....

 

 Norf of the Border

 

A new advert for Irn Bru - under investigation over claims that it's anti-English - is becoming a smash hit online.

The ad, entitled New Fella, shows a Scottish dad drinking Irn-Bru to keep his temper in check as he meets his daughter's new English boyfriend, reports The Scotsman.

The father struggles to keep his cool as he chats with the lad who wears an England shirt and has a bulldog called Wembley which breaks wind on a Saltire rug.

So far, the 40-second clip has attracted nearly 70 complaints to advertising watchdogs - and more than 1.1million views on YouTube.

Irn Bru maker AG Barr's Facebook page was inundated with complaints about the advert, including one from Peter Menzies, who said: "It's too stereotypical that all Scots hate the English."

Craig Russell added: "When did racism become funny? Bru ads can be much wittier than this stereotypical trash."

A spokesman for Irn-Bru said: "We've not set out to cause offence. Our ads are known for their cheeky sense of humour."

An ASA spokesman confirmed the complaints were being assessed.

 

Never touch the stuff....

 

West to the home of the tealeaf and the land of GPS

Eusebio Diaz Acosta was arrested and charged with stealing a tractor trailer loaded with $75,000 worth of Campbell’s soup bound for a Publix grocery store from a truck stop in Central Florida.

The police were able to track the truck and its cargo via the truck’s GPS system, and pulled over the stolen rig on the Florida Turnpike. That’s when Acosta, 51, was arrested and charged with two counts of grand theft — one each for the tractor trailer and the cargo, according to the Sun Sentinel.


Wonder if he had a tin opener….

 

East more than a lot to the land of oil and stuff

Dubai's police force has unveiled its latest patrol car - a specially modified, quarter-of-a-million pound Lamborghini Aventador, capable of speeds up to 217mph.

In Dubai, where petrol is cheaper than drinking water, authorities face significant challenges to curb road accidents caused by speeding. 

Last year, official figures put road deaths at 122, with 2,161 injuries, many of which occurred on the emirate's notorious Sheikh Zayed highway.

Around 15% of traffic fines issued in Dubai every day are for driving at speeds in excess of 130mph, police figures released in March showed.

Last year, Dubai police announced they had issued 67,000 traffic fines in one month alone, 2,000 of which were for reversing on motorways.

 

Good luck with that, think I’ll stick to the Honda.

 

And finally:

 

Norf of the border again

Scottish company Mitchell & King has launched a limited edition car wax in honour of the ultimate luxury lifestyle car race – the goldRush Rally.

The GRV car wax boasts a gold shimmer and will apparently protect the vehicle for up to 4 months.

The container is milled from the finest grade Titanium, coated with 24ct Gold and encrusted with Swarovski crystals and 10 x 0.5-carat, F Colour, VS2, brilliant round cut diamonds and includes 2 24-carat gold rings, as well as the application of GRV wax by a Mitchell & King approved detailer. Oh, and the wax will be delivered personally by the company’s director.

 

And all for the meagre price of………£63005.53 per bottle

 

Pass….

 

That’s it: I’m orf to go bat hunting

 

And today’s thought:

You’re nicked

 

Angus