Manopause: Dead Fleas anyone? SnapChat Twatt-ess: Parking Pratt and Elevating Public Transport.

Nary a whimsy of atmospheric movement, even less skywater, oodles of solar stuff and Dawns crack is the widest I have seen at the castle this morn.

The garden has been gardened, the “racing green” French motor is being very European and his Maj is in fine fettle.

Poor old Angus has been to see his general medic (again) and after much taking of blood and insertion of digits into orifices it has been confirmed that he has used up most of his manly ‘ormones and is suffering from the “Manopause” which may explain the last year or more, or it may be that ageing is responsible and the “manopause” is just bollocks or bollocks related.

If you are interested symptoms are:

• decreased sex drive (libido)
• erection problems, especially loss of morning erections
• tiredness and a general loss of energy
• depression and/or mood swings
• weight gain, especially around the belly
• poor concentration
• short-term memory loss and 'brain fog'
• irritability
• increased sweating, including night sweats
• hot flushes

Manopausal Angus has nine of the ten symptoms (you can guess which ones yourself) and is orf to see a bloke at Grimly Dark about his endocrinology.

More exciting news to come-or not....

Meanwhile over on EBay

An Innisfil man will make several thousand dollars this weekend selling dead fleas on eBay.

The 10-day auction ends at midnight on Saturday. Current bid: $4,000.

The items up for sale are known as “Pulgas Vestidas,” or “Dressed Fleas,” a lost Mexican folk art known to have been produced between 1880 and 1926.



About time he got some new ones then.....

Left to the land of the brave and the home of the free

A 22-year-old woman has shot and injured herself while posing with a gun while using the messaging app Snapchat.

The woman in Deltona, Florida, had been posing with her uncle’s .40-calibre pistol on Sunday evening when she accidentally pulled the trigger, according to the Volusia County Sheriff’s Office.

The woman told officers she had been “foolishly playing” with the gun when she accidentally shot her mobile phone, causing it to shatter and suffering lacerations to her thumb and index fingers,

The shot was heard by the woman’s aunt, who rushed to the scene and drove her niece to the Florida Hospital Fish Memorial.

Officers said the aunt threw the gun from her car while driving her niece to the hospital. The weapon has not yet been retrieved by police.



The good news is-she shot her phone....

Back in Brexit Blighty

This image shows a black Range Rover sticking half out of the space as it blocks other frustrated drivers attempting to shop at the Galleria in Hatfield.

A bemused fellow shopper Hayley Langton posted the image on Facebook alongside the caption "best parking ever!"

Speaking to Express.co.uk, she said: “I couldn’t believe it when I saw it. How could somebody leave their car like that?



Easy- selfish, arrogant and unBritish....



And finally:

East to the land of two Olympics ago 

A Transit Elevated Bus (TEB) hit the roads in Qinhaungdao earlier this week.

Once fully operational the vehicle is expected to hit speeds of up to 60km/h.

It will run on rails instead of the road itself but link together with up to another four TEBs, the equivalent of 40 conventional buses.

Engineer Bai Zhiming told CCTV: ‘The TEB has the same functions as the subway, while the cost of construction is less than one fifth of the subway.’

No shit Sherlock maybe that’s because it isn’t a subway....

That’s it: I’m orf to search the moat for purple globes.

And today’s thought:

"You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself." 

~ Ethel Barrymore ~ 

Manopausal Angus

Article 50: Salad days in Toronto: A load of bull: Pokemon Pratt: Monkey see-monkey vote and even more Bull.

Much lack of warm, a whimsy of atmospheric movement, even less skywater and Dawns crack is quite wide at the Castle this morn.

The temperature has finally dropped below 30c (or 86 in C of  E) which means that poor old Angus can finally operate within “normal” parameters and his Maj can move about without collapsing in a panting heap.

Oh to be in Blighty now that summers has come-and gorn-probably

                                             The Brexit bollocks is still dragging its feet

But apparently if the new Prime Monster gets orf her arse we could get out much faster- 

Theoretically, there is nothing to stop a British Government unilaterally withdrawing from the EU by simply repealing the 1972 European Communities Act. Article 50 compels only the EU to seek a negotiation, not the withdrawing member state. 

So come on May get us out and “negotiate” later, after all Blighty managed to survive for many-many years before the EU and it will survive after.

Meanwhile lots of miles to the left and up quite a lot

Police have charged a 52-year-old Brampton, Ont., man with careless driving after a transport truck carrying large vats of salad dressing rolled over on a busy Toronto highway while making a turn.

The single-vehicle crash caused a flood of thick neon green and white sludge to spill over the road as the truck lay on its side.

Ontario Provincial Police Sgt. Kerry Schmidt says the incident took place at about 11 a.m. on Tuesday and left the driver of the vehicle with just a few cuts and scrapes.

He says the truck was "fully loaded" with bulk loads of salad dressing, mayonnaise and other food products.

Crews spent the whole afternoon at the scene of the crash (at the Don Valley Parkway northbound ramp to Highway 401 West) cleaning up the mess.

And having lunch-probably.

Right oodles of KMs and dahn a bit

A Spanish bullfighter is seriously ill in hospital after being gored three times in a horrific onslaught which saw a bull’s horn pierce his lung.

The incident comes a fortnight after Victor Barrio was killed in the ring.

Pablo Belando, 26, was “very serious” after being gored in his chest, leg and buttocks in Madrid’s famous Las Ventas bullring.

Twatt....

Right even more units of length and dahn a lot

JAKARTA, Indonesia -- Indonesian police say they detained a Frenchman who trespassed on a military base while playing the augmented reality game Pokemon Go.

A spokesman for West Java police said that Romain Pierre, 27, was caught at a checkpoint on Monday evening after initially running away when challenged by security guards at the military complex in Cirebon.

Pierre was released a few hours later because it became apparent "he unintentionally entered the complex as he was hunting Pokemon while jogging," the police spokesman, Col. Yusri Yunus, said Tuesday.

Le Pratt....

 Still in the same area-ish

BANGKOK -- Election officials in northern Thailand think they can buy off a gang of monkey vandals with fresh fruit and vegetables, after about 100 macaques tore up voter lists publicly posted ahead of next month's referendum on a proposed constitution.

District official Surachai Maneeprakorn said a large population of the monkeys lives behind the Buddhist temple where the polling station they raided Sunday is set up in an open hall.

"For some reason they were being very naughty and started tearing up the lists," he said.

Local officials brought the animals food Monday, and hope that if that does not deter them, then newly installed sliding glass doors protecting the reposted lists might, said Phichit district election official Prayoon Jakkraphatcharakul.

I do love an optimist......

And finally:

Back over to what’s left of the EU

Six foreigners, including three Americans, were among seven people gored in a second running of thebulls at Pamplona’s San Fermin festival, according to the Navarra regional government.

A 58-year-old Spaniard identified only by the initials FLR, a 73-year-old South African man 

identified as MHO, and a 48-year-old Canadian with the initials PCO were in serious condition, a statement said.

The regional government said one American, 55 and identified by the initials PGO, and another, aged 23 with the initials WRO, were gored but their injuries were reported to be less serious. A third American, a 46-year-old with the initials JGO, and a 26-year-old Indian, with the initials NSO, were also said to have sustained less serious injuries.

The regional government said nine others were taken to city hospitals for injuries from the run. Several of the six bulls used in the event became separated from the pack moments into the 8am run and began charging people in their way.

A mass of Twatts identified by the initials F------ I-----

That’s it: I’m orf to get my hips replaced

And today’s thought:

"Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian."
~ Dennis Wholey ~ 

Angus

Stop your bloody moaning: Brown Bum: slimy German: and Oh Sssssshit....

Vast amounts of residual skywater, not a glimpse of dawns crack, a touch of atmospheric movement and a mixture of lack of cold and hot at the castle this morn. 

 

Since just over half of Brits decided to give the EU the soldiers farewell “they” have not stopped moaning, “they” being the 27 remaining countries who are pissed orf because a) Germany and France will have to take up the slack and pay more into the bottomless well known as the European coffers or b) the other 25 countries will have to take less money than they think they deserve.

 

“They” are also that very annoying Scottish “bird” Nicola Sturgeon who seems to have got her panties in such a twist that her voice has raised half an octave over the fact that Scotland apparently voted to remain and has been whingeing and brown nosing around Europe in an effort to get special dispensation for said Norf country.

Unfortunately both France and Spain have said they oppose Scotland negotiating separately from the rest of the UK to stay in the EU. 

So unless she can persuade Parliament to let them have a second “freedom” referendum, win that and then apply to the EU to join she is to use the vernacular-stuffed.

 

Meanwhile across the Irish Sea

 

“They” includes that annoying Northern Irish “bloke” Martin McGuinness who is moaning on about "I believe that the mandate that we got during the course of the referendum to remain puts us in a very special place,"

See above Martin.

 

“They” also include the Bremain MPs who cannot seem to fathom that they asked the electorate a question and got an answer.

 So come on you lot, accept the truth, we are going, stop your bloody moaning and get over it, we won you lost. Nah nah nah nah nah.....

 

East to the land that used to be a pain in the arse (and still is)

 

People in a Novosibirsk, Russia, neighbourhood say police have done nothing about a woman who sunbathes by hanging her legs and exposed bum out of a second-story window every day, for hours at a time.

Locals say they are concerned the skin show is visible to children, but police have yet to stop her from her near daily routine.

 

Anal neighbours?

 

Left a bit to the land of Merkel

 

 

German police say a driver lost control of his car after slipping on a slimy trail left by a procession of snails that were making their way across the highway.

The car -- an old East German Trabant -- flipped over and was wrecked, but the driver was unhurt.

Police said the incident happened early Wednesday near Paderborn, about 350 kilometres (220 miles) west of Berlin.

 

Surprised it got that far......

 

And finally:

 

Right a lot to the land that Gary Glitter isn’t allowed in anymore

 

 

A man in Thailand suffered huge blood loss after a python sank its fangs into his penis while he was sitting on the toilet.

Atthaporn Boonmakchuay tried desperately to break free after the huge snake attacked in the bathroom of his home in Chachoengsao, east of the capital Bangkok.

The 38-year-old reportedly reached down with his hand after feeling a sharp bite - only to discover the serpent's jaws clamped around the tip of his penis.

Atthaporn screamed out for his wife as he thrashed around trying to dislodge the 11ft python.

Moments before collapsing, he managed to tie rope around the snake's head and tie it to the bathroom door.


Note to self: place large amount of rope in the bathroom.



That’s it: I’m orf to mine some helium

 

And today’s thought:



"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
~ Albert Einstein ~

 

Angus

YES, YES, YES, YES, YES.

 

 

Dawns crack is about as wide as a wide thing can be, much solar stuff, remnants of skywater and not a lot of atmospheric movement at the castle this independent morn. 

It seems that Blighty is on the road to freedom, the great British (just over half anyway) public has expressed its hatred of the EUnuchs in Brussels and decided to go our own way.

Damn Cam has decided to throw his toys out of his Rolls Royce pram and bugger orf in October reinforcing the idea that he is a gutless Twat who hasn’t got the gonads to take it on the chin and soldier on.

Meanwhile alien reptile in disguise and chancer at the exchequer George I fucked up completely Osborn has it seems jumped into his space ship and gorn home to planet screw you I’m alright.

 

It may take years to sort out but it will be worth it, ignore the financial markets, the knobs that “run” them are only in it for the money not to help the people.

Now that most of us have told the Tories that we do not trust them and the Prime Monster is deserting I think it may well be time for a general election, and if as many people vote in that who voted in the referendum we may well get the government we deserve not the one we got for 30% of the electorate.

Just to kick things orf I am going to start a collection to pay for bricks to close orf the Chunnel.

 

And today’s thought: 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Angus

 

 

Transformer Monkey: Wash this: What a Wanker and Free the Nipple.

Not a glimpse of Dawn’s crack, nary a whimsy of atmospheric movement, even less lack of warm and a promise of skywater at the castle this morn.

 

Poor old Angus is doing OK, the garden is up to scratch the French racing green motor passed the mot after having a new cat fitted (I did offer his Maj as a replacement but they declined), the cat cost £46 and they charged me £100 to fit it, and then £46 for the mot, and then £40 VAT for the privilege-life in Blighty....

Tomorrow is the annual old farts Canadian Grand Prix gathering at my rich git of a mate's place up in Chobham, where we will do the usual, a trip to the Thames, up and dahn a bit, lunch at the pub then back to his house to watch said race on his 60 inch 4k TV.

When we started this there were five or sometimes six of us, this year we are dahn to three-the others having popped orf this mortal coil will not be attending (maybe in spirit) so we are going to have a sweepstake to see who is left for next year.

 

East a long way and dahn quite a lot more

 

Apparently a monkey caused a three-hour nationwide blackout, according to Kenyan officials.

The Kenya Electricity Generation Company said in a statement late Tuesday that a monkey climbed onto the roof of the Gitaru Power Station and fell onto a transformer, tripping it.

The company said this resulted in the loss of 180MW from the plant, triggering a national blackout. The statement did not say whether the monkey survived.

The blackout lasted more than three hours Tuesday before power was restored.

The company said that its facility is secured with an electric fence.

"We regret this isolated incident and the company is looking at ways of further enhancing security at all our power plants," the firm added.

Kenyan businesses regularly complain that power cuts — due to its aging grid — and unreliable supplies make them uncompetitive and hurt growth.

 

Shocking....... (What?)

 

Up quite a lot and right just as much

 

Fire-fighters in southeast China's Fujian province responded to an unusual kind of emergency Sunday -- a man had gotten his head stuck inside a washing machine.

Luckily, he was pulled out by a team of fire-fighters after less than an hour, according to the official Weibo social media account of Fuzhou City's Fire Department.

 

The fire-fighters separated the drum from the washing machine to free the man.

 

This unidentified man accidentally got his head stuck inside the machine while trying to fix the drum, the Fire Department's statement said.

 

Twat.....

 

Left an enormous amount to the land of the brave and the home of the free

 

A Bronx hospital worker found dead by a colleague may have died of a heart attack while masturbating, police sources said Wednesday.

The 48-year-old man was found about 10 a.m. Tuesday in a remote area of North Central Bronx Hospital.

A source said no foul play was suspected and that it appeared the man had partly disrobed and was watching pornography on a computer when he died.

 

And I thought it made you blind.....

 

And finally:

 

Back in Brexit-Bremain Blighty

 

Two hundred women and men gathered around Brighton Beach to highlight controversial social media policies about banning female nipples.

The afternoon march started from Brighton Pier, and then headed along the East Sussex city seafront before stopping on the beach – where everybody sunbathed topless.

One member who attended the event said: ‘It was lovely, I felt proud and fantastic.


The event was organized by comedian Samantha Pressdee, who came to Brighton with her one-woman comedy show about nudity and sexuality.


Samantha said: ‘I’ve been a member of the Free The Nipple campaign over the past year.


‘I joined the campaign to challenge the way women’s breasts were perceived.

‘Breasts have been sexualized and the point of this campaign is that they don’t have to sexual.’

Whatever; does anyone care apart from the campaigners?

 

That’s it: I’m orf to stone my CO2.

 

And today’s thought: "Why is it when we talk to God we're praying, but when God talks to us, we're schizophrenic?"
~ Lily Tomlin ~

 

Angus

In-out-in-out and what’s this religion thing all about?

Much solar stuff, nary a whimsy of atmospheric movement, quite a lot of lack of cold and not a sign of skywater at the Castle this morn.

The moss has been mown, the weedy bits have been weeded, the hedgy bits have been looked at and stuff is growing faster than a fast thing can grow.

 

Is it just me or is this EU thingy really, really annoying, according to the Bremain lot we will suffer  world war, pestilence, boils, frogs, a crippled economy, a decade of austerity and  £4000-ish will be lost to every household if we leave.

And if we stay all will be well, immigration will reduce to a couple of people a year, the sun will always shine, it will only rain at night, every person in Blighty will be better orf, we will not have to accept any more EU laws, trade will be stonking, we will be left alone to govern ourselves and the second coming will ensue. 

On the other side, if we leave we will be able to make our own laws, immigration will fall to a couple of people a year, the sun will always shine, it will only rain at night, every person in Blighty will be better orf, we will not have to accept any more EU laws, trade will be stonking, we will be left alone to govern ourselves and the second coming will ensue. 

I suppose it all comes dahn to personal choices, we all know that politicians lie, cheat and try their hardest to fool us into believing them so that they can keep their jobs but more importantly (to them) their power. 

If we stay “they” will still get their jaunts to exotic places like Berlin, Brussels, India, China and America, if we leave they will still get their jaunts to exotic places like Berlin, Brussels, India, China and America. 

So what is the difference-buggered if I know, to be honest at my age-64 ¾ it doesn’t make much difference, personally I will vote to leave, I want to be able to go dahn the town and understand what everybody is saying, I want to know that housing is available for the young people, I want to know that there are jobs available for those that want them, I want to know that I can go where I want when I want and not be blown up by some bleeding religious lunatic with a bomb strapped to his plums.

I don’t want the people of Blighty to be absorbed into the mish mash of Europe to become some clone and lose our Blightyness we have a proud history (some of it anyway) we are known for our tolerance and good sense (some of it anyway) we are not “European” we live on an island which is quite full of people. We are innovators and inventors and are unique in the world, let’s keep it that way.

I suppose I just want my country back...

 

And talking of other religions

 

What the hell is that all about?

 

Apparently if there is a God there isn’t just one, so we have Gods who tell their followers different things, and everyone is at odds with everyone else and grudges are not easily forgiven.

Some followers are convinced that if we sin we will go to purgatory unless we admit our sins, some think that the crusades some 900 to 1100 years ago is a good reason to explode innocent people into small pieces (including their own followers), some think that they have been hard done by for millennia and have the right to revenge by annexing other peoples land.

Some think that all life is sacred and won’t even step on an ant (I like that one except for spiders).

And some believe in other things.

What we believe is of course up to us but what really pisses me orf is those that want to impose their religion on others, that seem to think if they are not followers of their God they should die or be invaded or absorbed into their beliefs.

If you live in Blighty say and believe in some prophet who says that their religion is the only one and can’t accept the British way of life then bugger orf to a land that supports your religion, so that you can stone people or behead them or cut their hands orf or whatever else is allowed in your religion. 

I make this point: all “holy” writings are written by man for man in order for the “upper lot” to control the lower lot, religion as in all things is about power and control, if God or a God had actually written a text to follow then there would only be one religion and we would all believe and follow the rules but God didn’t and human nature is to suspect those that have other ideals and think that they are right and everyone else is to be conquered.

 Well that’s what I think anyway... 

And today’s thought: What you are is what you have been. What you’ll be is what you do now.” Buddha

Angus

No Surprises There Then:

Much lack of warm, oodles of sky water, more than a bit of atmospheric movement and not a glimpse of Dawns crack at the castle this morn.

It has been many moons since I put finger to keyboard, bits have dropped orf and been replaced, other bits have broken and been fixed, but poor old Angus is now up and “running” on seven out of eight cylinders.

His Maj is just as batty as ever, but has grown into a big, friendly, playful boy.

The butler is still refusing to “do” outside and the garden is waking up from its winter sleep.

Finally upgraded to Windows 10, with the help of “classic shell” I have managed to make it look like windows 7-win, win.

 

Many, many things have happened just lately, apparently “They” (otherwise known as the rich) have been hiding their stash abroad without telling the taxman, Prime Monster Damn “Dave” blames his dad, and is trying to scare us out of leaving the EU.

Not working is it Dave....

 

Son of a B.....aronet and alien reptile in disguise chancer at the exchequer George (where is Panama?) Osbourne has jumped on the Bremain band wagon and is threatening interest rate rises if we dump Europe.

 

Or maybe not......

 

Meanwhile old fart Jezza Corbyn who is also in the Bremain camp (this time anyway) was fined for sending in his tax return late.

 

                                                      Left across the big salty thing

 

A “Tiger whisperer has been mauled to death Malayan tiger inside its habitat, Stacey Konwiser, 38, suffered a "severe bite" wound while inside the big cat's habitat on Friday afternoon, say zoo officials.

She was performing basic tasks with the male Malayan tiger at the time, said zoo spokeswoman Naki Carter.

 

                                                          Dahn Unda and right a bit

 

 

Apparently those attached to the Victorian mode of transport have finally emerged into the nineteenth century-electric bikes.

With 2327 imported last year, they were 1 per cent of all bike imports, but this marked a near four-fold increase since 2012. Retailers report sales growth of 35 per cent a year.

Importer and retailer Neil Pollett, owner of Flux, in Ponsonby, says the "grey-power" age group were first to embrace e-bikes, but the trend had caught on with people in their 30s to 50s, and even younger.

New Zealand Post has 280 e-bikes and 25 more on order, a spokeswoman said. "The New Lynn, Rotorua, Kapiti and Timaru branches are all using e-bikes, plus we have a sprinkling of others around the country. The e-bikes are good on hills and on the flat.

 

And finally:

 

                                               Apparently the “new” Papa is a catholic

 

 

Better than being a Nazi I suppose.

 

That’s it: I’m orf to cancel my trip to India

 

And today’s thought:

It is terrible to speak well and be wrong. -Sophocles 

Angus