“M”: BoJoPro: Deep Fried Ice Cream: Failed Test: Kiss a Croc and No Boys or Girls.

Minimal lack of cold, moderate atmospheric movement, medium skywater and dawns crack seems to have healed up at the castle this morn.

It is 14 years to the day that a surgeon managed to kill my dear “M”, time doesn’t heal but it does distance you from the pain, the NHS covered up, lied, misinformed and protected themselves, the surgeon, CEO and the medical director have all retired, I hope that they have a long life to consider their self serving decisions.

If you want to read the whole sorry story click here

Allegedly our new Prime Monster has time travelled

And has shown a proclivity for a fan, you decide.

Up Norf and then some

Fish and chip shop McMonagle's Boat has introduced "frice-cream" - a roll stuffed with vanilla ice-cream then battered and fried.

Diners are enjoying the wacky £1 treat from the famous chip shop boat, which is moored on the Forth and Clyde canal, at Clydebank, West Dunbartonshire.

As well as deep fried heart attack you can also get "frickles" - battered pickles.

No surprise there then.

Right a lot to where plumbers come from

A driving examiner was run over and killed by a 68-year-old woman taking her test, police have confirmed.

The 35-year-old was struck down and killed by the candidate at a test centre during the part of the exam that focuses on manoeuvres.

The incident happened in the southern Polish city of Rybnik on Monday.

It's not yet known how the woman came to run over the man.

At the time of the accident, the examiner was likely testing another candidate, the police said.

I’m saying nothing...

Left a lot to somewhere else

A man kisses a crocodile for a boat trip of tourists in Costa Rica.

Juan Cerdas said it is one of his “hobbies” to feed and kiss the creatures for tourists on the ‘crocodile river tour’ that sails the Tarcoles River.

The river, in the province of Puntarenas, has one of the highest crocodile populations in the world.

Many of them are American crocodiles, who are typically found in Florida and are one of the only species that can walk on four legs.

They can grow up to 17 feet long and weigh hundreds of pounds.

And they can stay where they bloody are...

And finally:

Back in barmy Blighty

A primary school has sparked controversy after reportedly banning teachers from calling their pupils boys or girls.

Instead, teachers are the school are being told to use gender-neural terms for the benefit of kids who are confused about their gender.

Director of children and learning at Southend Council, Brin Martin, says the move from Leigh North primary in Essex is a positive one.

However Sidonie Bertrand-Shelton, of LGBT group Stonewall, argued: “It’s vital to create school environments where all children can reach their full potential.”



Absolute bollocks, boys are boys and girls are girls, let them decide when they are older, see my post 2 back.

That’s it: I’m orf to tickle me ears...just in case

And today’s thought:

"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen; it said 'Parking Fine.'"
~ Tommy Cooper ~ just like that....

Angus

Design flaws: More Brexit Bollocks: Lewis Hamilton: Lucky Bugger: and Ugly Dogs.

Much lack of bloody hot, promise of sky water a fair bit of atmospheric movement and Dawns crack is covered with wispy white stuff (think her upstairs needs to get the Caneston out) at the castle this morn.

I recently purchased an SDK card for my laptop, it arrived very quickly and then it took me about half an hour to open the bloody thing, eventually with the help of a Stanley knife and a pair of scissors I managed to extract the much needed memory card, which led me to think of other things that really piss me orf.

Those supposedly “childproof” pill bottles, toilet duck things, bleach bottles, milk container seals that either take a knife to get open or are so loose that you lay them on their side in the fridge and the next time you open the door there is a pint of milk all over the contents and then on the kitchen floor. And virtually anything wrapped in that see through plastic.

Is this the result of design flaws? Or is it us?

Auntie BEEB has produced a nice flow chart for Brexit

My guess is dahn the centre and then a left.

Over to the right a bit in German Germany

Lewis Hamilton is apparently not well.

At one point on Saturday morning, Lewis Hamilton was not even sure he would be able to race in the German Grand Prix, so bad did he feel with an illness that has been bothering him this weekend at Hockenheim and which took a turn for the worse overnight.

Oh dear, poor little sod.

How much is Hamilton's deal with Mercedes worth? Hamilton's contract pays him £40million a year, a significant rise from his previous deal, which was worth £33million per season - on an equal footing with Sebastian Vettel. The new deal only runs for two years as the driver is unsure of his place in F1 once Liberty media make sweeping rule changes in 2021.



If they paid me that much I would happily drive round and round for two hours every couple of weeks even with Man Flu....

From many places across this plastic world

Dylan McWilliams, a 20-year-old from Colorado has apparently managed to survive a snake, bear and shark attack.

On the island of Kauai in Hawaii he was enjoying the Pacific waves on Thursday morning when he felt something hit his leg. He explained: "I saw the shark underneath me. I started kicking at it - I know I hit it at least once - and swam to shore as quickly as I could."

Back in the home of the free and the land of the brave in Colorado while sleeping outdoors, he was woken up to find his head being clamped in the jaws of a bear.

"This black bear grabbed me by the back of the head, and I was fighting back, poking it in the eye until it let me go," Dylan describes vividly.

His friends awoke to the commotion, but after the 300 pound (136 kg) male bear stomped on Dylan, it walked away.

Still in Trump land, "I was walking down a trail and I thought I kicked a cactus but couldn't see one, and then saw a rattlesnake all coiled up."

The then 17-year-old made the call not to go to the hospital because he figured he had only suffered a dry bite. "There was a little venom so I did get a bit sick for a couple of days,"



He is now impatient for his wounds to heal so he can get back on to the surf. Despite his run of bad luck, he encourages everyone to experience the outdoors. "I still go hiking, I still catch rattle snakes, and I will still swim in the ocean."



Some people never learn....

And finally.

Over again to the left a lot

The Worlds Ugliest Dog

Say no more....


That’s it: I’m orf to Buy some green car parts


And today’s thought: "Don't worry about avoiding temptation... as you grow older, it will avoid you."

~ Winston Churchill ~ 

Angus.

Bo-Jo Bollocks, LGBT-WTF Bollocks, Brexit Bollocks, Flying arsehole, and Russian sex.

Dawns crack is massive, not a whimsy of atmospheric movement, much lack of cold and massive residue of sky water at the castle this sweaty morn.

It has been more than many moons since the last post on this piss poor blog but, what is happening in what is left of Blighty has forced me to enter into the Web thingy again.

Bo-Jo bollocks

And yet again we have a Tory with no majority, no statesmanship and less than no chance of taking on the super state of the EU in a vain attempt to lead us from Germany’s domain.

So, we have yet another unelected Prime Monster, as Terry leather-legs May-be sidles orf back to the forest in Harry Potter, Bo-Jo slithers under the front door of 10 Downing Street.

What we will have is a repeat of the last three years, where moronic self serving MPs will bend Boris over the Commons mace and butt fuck him until he agrees to a second referendum.

Because no matter who is in charge and what is infesting the House of Commons “they” do not want to obey the people who put them in power and pay their not inconsiderable salaries and expenses.

Oh dear....

Is it me or are minorities taking over the asylum?

There appears to be a revolution, the LGBT portion of what used to be our free country have suddenly become the ruling class, there are massive gatherings, “Gay Pride” thingies and even the BEEB and the Co-op has joined the throng.

Don’t get me wrong I have no problem with chaps who want to shove their “man sausage” up another man's rear exit or Lady lovers who want to pummel another Lady lovers’ pussy, if that is their want then go at it, but PLEASE, PLEASE do not inflict your lifestyle on me.

I used to watch Holby City on Auntie but have stopped because the plot line has changed from the patients and the NHS to gay nurses, gay doctors and gay consultant/consultant, gay nurse/doctor, gay doctor/doctor and gay patient/doctor themes.

Good for them they should rename it Gaybe, I only pay the license fee which it seems I will be doing till I pop orf this mortal coil now.

And the co-op has released adverts extolling the virtue of celebrating LGBT people who “need to be loved” with a strawberry.

WTF!

How about a heterosexual pride gathering in the smoke letting all and sundry know that we black, white, brown yellow and any other colour who like the opposite sex still exist and are the majority in Bighty and across the globe.

Or am I just getting old?

Above our green and bloody hot land

A passenger who allegedly caused two RAF jets to be scrambled to escort a plane back to Stansted Airport has been sent an £85,000 bill by the airline.

Chloe Haines, 25, is accused by Jet2 of a ‘catalogue of aggressive, abusive and dangerous behaviour’ on a flight bound for Dalaman in Turkey, including trying to open the aircraft doors during the flight.

The flight had to be escorted back to Stansted Airport by two Typhoon fighter jets while she was restrained by cabin crew and customers. A former bouncer who tackled her to the ground said she kicked, punched and screamed at the stewards.

Makes you proud...doesn’t it?

And finally.

Right a lot to what used to be part of the USSR

A woman died after being crushed under her partner when they fell nine storeys while having sex over a balcony. It is believed he survived after she cushioned his fall at the tower block in St Petersburg, Russia.

According to witnesses the man staggered back into the building and went upstairs to join his friends. When they turned up, police initially thought they were dealing with a murder and sex attack after finding the woman with no clothing on the lower half of her body at the base of the building.

They also found a TV at the scene and believed it may have been the murder weapon.

However, witnesses told them about the couple having sex in the flat before falling.


The man, who only sustained minor injuries, has been tracked down and is currently under investigation, according to reports.

Surprised he didn’t take the TV back up.

That’s it I’m orf to check under the cars bonnet. Just in case...

And today's thought.

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

~ Albert Einstein ~ 

Take note parliament...

Angus 

Here we are again? Manopause part 3, what a World, Saturday apocalypse, Buggered up Blighty Brexit and an anal Chinese worker.

Not much of a lack of warm, nary a whimsy of atmospheric movement, even less solar activity and more than enough skywater at the castle this last morn.

It has been many moons since the last post, this is dahn to the lack of testosterone and energy for poor old Angus, but after eleven long months of eight weekly injections in both arse cheeks and a “trough” level of 8.4 rising to 8.5 the “Consultant” finally increased the bum pricks to every six weeks and the result has been amazing, after just one round of jabs I have decorated the entire castle in lovely magnolia sorted out the garden, and replaced the piss poor Peugeot with a nice reliable Nissan, I did consider an Alfa but I didn’t want to spend most of my time waiting on the side of the road waiting for a breakdahn truck.

Over the big wet thing on the left

In the land of the brave and the home of the free America is being ruled by a childish septuagenarian war mongering psychotic fuckwit who it seems is intent on starting world war three with a childish Tricenarian war mongering psychotic fuckwit who seems intent on starting world war three.

Oh dear we are stuffed.

But it doesn’t matter because

Apparently according to Revelations 12:1 a huge hidden planet is about to hit this planet or what’s left of it that we call home.

It is due to hit today and will spark a series of events that is likely to kill us all,

Or not.......

Back in Brexit free Blighty

 Prime Monster Terry “leather legs” Maybe our beloved prevaricating leader who reminds me of the bastard child of a Dementor and one of the giant spiders in Harry Potter is still arsing about over Brexit, her latest crap “speech” which she had to travel to Florence to vomit out includes sound bites such as:

Transition period could be around two years, during which time access to the single market will continue on current terms

· a "bold new security agreement" between the UK and EU


· On trade, both sides could do "so much better" than adopting existing models


· The UK would honour commitments made while it remains a member


· There was "no need to impose tariffs where there are none now"




· EU chief Brexit negotiator Michel Barnier described the speech as "constructive"

Bollocks...

And finally:

East a lot to the land of many, many things

Construction worker Yang Ming underwent a seven-hour operation to remove the reinforced steel after it shot up through his anus and stopped just under his right shoulder, narrowly avoiding contact with his vital organs.


He accidentally electrocuted himself with live wires and fell backwards, landing on a bar on the ground in the building site.


Mr Ming’s intestines, bladder, pancreas, liver and lungs suffered minor tears but none of the injuries were critical.


He lost just a point of blood in the industrial accident and he is now recovering in hospital.


The bar was removed intact.



I know how he feels I’ve had a prostate exam......


That’s it: I’m orf to get my old ears tested




And today’s thought:


Seeing a spider in my room isn't scary. It's scary when it disappears.



Angus

And so-is this Christmas? Manopause part 2: Brexit-again: Russian river rat burgers: Knob of a robber: Frozen pussy and Spot the sheep.

Just a glimpse of dawns crack, total absence of atmospheric movement, quite a lot of lack of warm and molecules of skywater at the castle this Crimbo eve morn.

Went to Tesco yestermorn on the stale bread, gruel and His Maj’s food run, as it is apparently yet another Crimbo I thought I would get dahn there early-6.30 of the AM, what a bloody mistake that was, the place was heaving, had to park the Peugeot miles from the entrance there were hardly any trolleys left and it was even worse inside.

What is it that prompts “us” to totally lose control of our minds at this time of the year? There were umpteen pairs of “shoppers” staggering around with a trolley each piled to the gunnels with stuff that will not be consumed, screaming snot nosed brats demanding this, that and anything within reach of their podgy little arms, and the checkouts- all ten out of thirty were backed up to the dairy section with the flash of credit cards blinding those in the queues..

Could “we” not be a little more sensible?

The Manopause is still in motion, had two “treatments” so far, the first was a massive jab in the right buttock which managed to sting for two weeks and wore orf after a week, the second was half a massive jab in each arse cheek (because apparently the dose is too high for one jab)  four weeks later which hasn’t even kicked in yet but has managed to raise my blood sugar levels to stratospheric numerals.

The next treatment is on the 16^th January, really looking forward to that.....

Terry leather legs Maybe

Meanwhile the new Prime Monster Terry leather legs Maybe has issued her first Crimbo speech, and has urged Britain to "unite and move forward" after the Brexit vote.

Methinks Maybe is holding orf until the EU Elections are sorted because it “maybe” that many more countries are just as pissed orf at the EU as we are.

Time will tell......

East to the land of Trump’s mates

I know that times are hard in Russia but Moscow's latest food craze appears to have scurried straight from the river bed onto diners' plates. It's a burger made of rodent meat.

A chef at a Russian bistro said the burger is simple, tasty and full of nutrients.

It is made from the meat of a "nutria", or river rat.

Burgers made from its meat look like most hamburgers.

They have become the latest must-have dish in the Russian capital.

The chef said the rodent's meat has nutritional benefits that have recently been discovered.

He insists the river rodent is not actually a rat.

The U.S. Agriculture Department describes the nutria as a two-foot long, invasive rodent.

The nutria burger sells at the Moscow restaurant for the equivalent of about $8.50 in U.S. dollars.



Rather them than me......

West a lot to California

An armed robber walked into the Lotions & Lace store in San Bernadino with a covered face and what appeared to be a gun, shortly before closing time on Wednesday.

Store manager Amy said she wasn’t scared, and was convinced the gun was a fake – and she was having none of it.

CCTV captured the moment the armed robber was hit with a hail of dildos:

‘I just thought he was trying to be funny, to scare us,’ Amy told ABC.

‘But then I saw the gun and it was like, really? I don’t have time for this.’

She and another equally feisty employee began yelling and pelting dildos at the man, who fled the store empty-handed in a state of shock.

What a dick....

East again

A cat in Russia will be counting her lucky stars after being rescued from a freezing puddle.

The fluffy feline somehow managed to trap her paws in an icy puddle and panicked when she could not escape.

Luckily for her, a passing couple came to her aid – although her frozen fur suggests she had been stuck in the puddle for quite some time.

A bucket of warm water soon freed the shivering cat who remained calm throughout.

The lucky moggy was probably grateful she was rescued in time and didn’t have to give up one of her precious nine lives.

Why are cats so daft?

And finally:

Nowhere in particular

As its Crimbo here is a festive puzzle.

The answer is in the link.

That’s it: I’m orf to plug the Crimbo lights into the Solent

And today’s thought: Happy thingamy to all and sundryJ and a much better 2017....

Angus

Another one more year: Don’t pick it in the Philippines: Make the bad man go away: Bloody big bull: Wanna buy a nuke power plant and Washington rubbish.

Not a glimpse of Dawns crack even less atmospheric movement, quite a lack of warm, nary a whimsy of solar stuff and bugger all skywater at the castle this morn.

Poor old Angus staggered into the 65^th year of what’s left of his life yesterday to become an official old fart and looking forward to the “state” pension which apparently is enough to live on if you don’t want to eat, keep warm or travel about.

So after 48 years of paying 10% of my earnings it seems that I am “entitled” to 155 squids and a bit per week until I pop my clogs.

But who’s moaning.......

East many miles to the land of ....stuff

Apparently those in power have warned the Philippine police not to do anything that might create a negative impression among members of the public such as picking their noses, taking selfies, play online games, smoke or chew gum during their shifts.

The list also specifies that any bodily itches must remain unscratched, and officers should avoid "unseemly posture" such as standing on one leg,



Wonder if smashing up someone’s car with a baton is included.....

West to the land of the rug and the home of the wall

Nine-year-old Amariyanna ‘Mari’ Copeny has become an online sensation when her smile turned to a fearful expression upon meeting Donald Trump.


No surprise there then.....

Still in the land of thingy and whatnot

A giant, 1-ton Holstein steer who loves to eat bread and romps like a puppy at a Northern California zoo is vying for the title of world’s tallest bovine.

His name is Danniel and he measures 6 feet, 4 inches from the hoof to the withers, a smidge taller than the current record-holder, the Eureka Times Standard reported Wednesday.

A veterinarian and his keepers at the Sequoia Park Zoo in the city of Eureka measured Danniel on Tuesday to confirm his height, but Guinness World Records has yet to verify it.



Rather them than me......

Dahn a bit to Alabama

After spending more than 40 years and $5 billion on an unfinished nuclear power plant in north-eastern Alabama, the nation's largest federal utility is preparing to sell the property at a fraction of its cost.

The Tennessee Valley Authority has set a minimum bid of $36.4 million for its Bellefonte Nuclear Plant and the 1,600 surrounding acres of waterfront property on the Tennessee River. The buyer gets two unfinished nuclear reactors, transmission lines, office and warehouse buildings, eight miles of roads, a 1,000-space parking lot and more.


Initial bids are due Monday, and at least one company has publicly expressed interest in the site with plans to use it for alternative energy production. But TVA says it isn't particular about what the purchaser does — using the site for power production, industrial manufacturing, recreation or even residences would all be fine with the agency, said spokesman Scott Fiedler.



Cheap at half the price-are you listening Theresa Might?



And finally:

Up to DC

Harper Westover, age 2 received a “Notice of Violation” in the mail reporting she was being fined $75 for allegedly littering at the end of the alley by her home, on 9th Street NE.

Officials included evidence of a discarded envelope a city worker had found with a bag of trash in the alley. Exhibit A against Harpie the Violator was a photograph of that unopened envelope addressed to her from Bucky’s Buddies, a kids club for fans of the University of Wisconsin at Madison, the alma mater of her mother, Theresa.

Westover, an attorney for the National Labour Relations Board, called the solid waste inspector who issued the ticket and told the inspector, her daughter is 2. Could the Department of Public Works kindly rescind the fine?

“The inspector’s response was there was a piece of trash in the alley with Harper’s name on it. I said, ‘I understand that, but she’s only 2 years old. Are you willing to rescind the ticket?’ She said ‘No,’ ” Westover recalled. “They list Harper as a ‘violator.’ As a mom, it bothered me.”

Early Friday evening, a public works official swung by the Westover rowhouse and saw Harper and her mother in the alley, getting ready for an interview with a local news station. The official looked at Harper, jokingly calling her “the 2-year-old violator,” according to Theresa Westover. Then he said he would waive both Harper’s and her mother’s violations.

In a telephone interview with The Washington Post, Harper, fresh from an afternoon nap, insisted she was innocent.

But when pressed for more details about her whereabouts at the time of the alleged offense on Aug. 24 at 11:06 am, the wrongly accused litterbug laughed.

“Hide and seek,” was all she said.



Nice one.....





That’s it: I’m orf to count a few stars


And today’s thought:

Angus