WOULD YOU CREDIT IT?

Here I sit in the garden, it’s just before six and it is COOL, no sleep again last night, so I am giving up sleeping, and am going to prop my eyes open with matchsticks, aren’t 24 hour supermarkets great, went to mine at 3.30 am for some sustenance, no noisy kids, no dawdling “ladies” or old farts like myself wandering about talking to ourselves, self service checkouts only, and after that I went for a drive with all the windows open, wonderful! Clear roads, no jams and I must have seen about ten foxes and a couple of badgers, I think I may become nocturnal.


Anyway:



There is a pillock born every minute, especially when drink is involved: a young man used a pair of nail clippers in DIY circumcision, oh yes, pillock number 1 decided after a few drinks that it would be spiffing to hack at his todger with the aforementioned “tool”, he was rushed to the Lister Hospital in Stevenage, Hertfordshire. The wound was disinfected to cleanse it before he was given a bed in an observation ward.

A medic said “This is something we would advise men never to attempt," "The results can be quite horrific and long-lasting and have quite an affect on a man's sexual performance. Using a pair of nail clippers must have caused excruciating pain, even if he had had a few drinks beforehand."


You think?

Pillock number 2 Gregory McCalium decided that 72 year old Frank Corti would be an easy target, and burgled his house threatening the pensioner with a knife.

Frank, an ex boxer, dodged the knife and beat the crap out of the spineless interloper leaving him with a black eye and a swollen lip. He then restrained the attacker until police arrived.

McCalium, a barman, was given a four-and-a-half year prison sentence at Oxford Crown Court on Monday for aggravated burglary and was told by the judge he had "got what he deserved".

McCalium had denied the charge and claimed he could not remember what happened.

Brainless as well as spineless.

Pillocks of course are not confined to the UK, cross dressing burglar Stephen Murdoch of Tustin was arrested after a security guard spotted him in a workout room that was supposed to be closed and locked.

Police say a California man donning a bustier and watching porn on a computer in an apartment complex gym was arrested after officers found drugs in his backpack.When police peered inside, they saw Murdoch - also in a mini- skirt, fishnet stockings and heels - hiding behind exercise equipment and watching an adult film on a laptop.

Officers noticed Murdoch was sweating profusely and talking quickly. They arrested him on suspicion of drug possession after allegedly finding marijuana, methamphetamine and pipes in his bag.

Can you use a treadmill in heels?

Pillock number 3: NEWPORT, Ore. - Karen Noyes often fed the black bears that came to her home near the Oregon coast. Then things got out of hand.

One hungry bear stormed a neighbour's barn and killed 60 turkeys. Another got stuck in a doggie door.

Noyes asked wildlife officers to help remove the bears, but it was too late.

The 61-year-old Noyes was convicted of harassing wildlife and sentenced Thursday to three years probation.

Judge Thomas Branford also ordered her to stay away from her home and a seven-mile stretch of Yachats River Road for three years, beginning Aug. 31.

Bear faced idiocy?


And finally:

Probably the biggest pillock is the person who paid £7,100 on eBay for one of those “dateless” 20p coin, Experts had predicted that the coins, minted without a date mark, could be worth £50 each.
But collectors have been scrambling to buy the currency after it emerged that the Royal Mint made an error when producing tens of thousands of 20p pieces earlier this year.

eBay has been inundated with coins for sale as those who have found them attempt to cash in.
Many sellers are offering purchasers the chance to 'buy it now' at prices of up £6,200.

Several are hoping to get more than £3,000 for their 20p. But the top seller fetched £7,100 at 2pm yesterday - 35,500 times its face value - although it is not clear whether the coin has been paid for.

Bidding on the auction site started at 99p and it gradually crept up to £100 by Monday evening.
Yesterday one potential buyer started bidding off at £600, soon followed by a bid of £800.

Then it shot up to £5,000 and kept rising until the price reached £7,100.

A spokesman for eBay said: 'The winning bid was definitely £7,100, but I can't confirm yet whether the actual transaction has been completed yet.'

The coins were left dateless when the 20p piece was redesigned.

The Mint does not know how many undated coins were released into circulation, but estimates range between 50,000 and 200,000.

Minted!




Angus

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