Tote that Bin, Mortar mayhem, Student stuff ups, Lotta bottle and Friends like this.........

Weather is very dark, this morning, the RFBT is screaming to go out and then runs away when I open the back door because it is raining, three times so far and it’s only 6.30.

My waterworks are still fine, just off for a nice hot shower.

First up:

Too big to collect

At least that is Copeland Council, Cumbria’s excuse, the residents of village of Ulpha. Who have to drag their wheelie bins a mile because the bin Lorries are too large to fit down the narrow lane leading to the village.

Dozens of complaints have been made to Copeland Council, Cumbria. One 82-year-old said he had to push his bin for a mile each week so it could be emptied.

The head of Copeland Borough Council's opposition, Councillor David Moore, has demanded that current health and safety regulations be reviewed to combat the problem. There are concerns elderly people could be injured pushing or pulling the bins such great distances.

The council has pledged to address each complaint.

Cllr Allan Holliday said: "If anyone who contacts the council has a problem with their wheelie bin, an assessment will be made about what would be the most suitable way of collecting that bin.

"We will do our best to make sure everyone's bin is collected, each individual is risk assessed and an agreement made."

You don’t need a risk assessment you Numptys; you need a smaller bin lorry.

Dumb and Dumbbell

A man from China decided to keep fit using two old mortars before a friend noticed the devices were still live.

Former army officer Xie Long, 87, said: "A colleague told me they were defused and because they were heavy and in the right shape I took two home to use as dumbbells.”Even my two sons used to use them as well for training. I can't believe we trained with them for 30 years with nothing happening."

The mortars were discovered by chance when a friend from the local police force who also specialised in explosives visited Long at his home in the Hechuan district of Chongqing.

The firing pin was in the position of readiness, and can explode if violently hit or shaken," said police officer Li Guangkui. Li said: "Once exploded, the result is beyond imagination."

Police have defused the mortars, and they will now be put on display in a military museum.

Seems to run in the family.

How not to write an essay

Here are a few excerpts of answers given by students:

The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by a surf, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.

The inhabitants of ancient Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.

Without the Greeks we wouldn't have history. The Greeks invented three kinds of columns - Corinthian, Doric, and Ironic. They also had myths. A myth is a female moth. One myth says that the mother of Achilles dipped him in the River Stynx until he became intollerable. Achilles appears in The Iliad, by Homer. Homer also wrote The Oddity, in which Penelope was the last hardship that Ulysses endured on his journey. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.

The government of England was a limited mockery. Henry VIII found walking difficult because he had an abbess on his knee. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When Elizabeth exposed herself before her troops, they all shouted, "hurrah." Then her navy went out and defeated the Spanish Armadillo.

In midevil times most of the people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the time was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote literature. Another tale tells of William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.

Makes you proud doesn’t it.

Bottle bank

A man who turned up at the Antiques Roadshow was left red-faced when he was told what he thought was an expensive bottle was an old bottle from Tesco.

Presenter Fiona Bruce revealed how the collector arrived with the item he had spent more than £1,000 on.

But a glass expert told him: "It's an empty olive oil bottle, Tesco, circa 2008 - it's worth nothing."

The footage will not be shown in September's new series, to save the collector's blushes.

She told the Daily Mirror: "It would have made great television but it was just too cruel. The guy was devastated. Poor chap.

"The thing about the show is not to humiliate people."

Still as they say....every little helps.

And finally:

Duck, no it's a dragon fly...no DUCK!!!

A man who says he was using his rifle to shoot at dragonflies accidently shot his friend in the head.

Police said when they arrived the friend was bleeding heavily.


But he was conscious enough to be able to tell paramedics that the whole thing had been an accident.

According to Georgetown Times, in South Carolina, in the US, the friend and a 38-year-old Johnsonville man were in the woods in a nearby hunting club practicing with a rifle.

The man said he was trying to shoot some dragonflies when his friend walked in front of him and was shot in the head.

It has been ruled an accident by investigators, police said.

Two local schools were closed down for a time as police investigated the shooting.

"Not knowing where the victim may be or where the shooter was, I advised the administration of Carvers Bay School to lock down the campus for student safety," Deputy Ryan Owens wrote in his report, the newspaper reported.

"Carvers Bay Middle was locked down as well."

The friend was flown to a Charleston hospital for treatment.

I’d hate to be that bloke’s enemy.

Angus

AnglishLit

Angus Dei-NHS-THE OTHER SIDE

Angus Dei politico