Air Miles Andy buggers orf: Hospital houses: Jar head Bear: Dead Parrot: Nicked Hamster: and the Test Card returneth.

Oh what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day-there’s a bright golden haze o’er the Castle-------it won’t last.....

The study is overflowing with non working things; it seems that “they” all want their broken machines fixed while “they” are away on their hols to be picked up on their return, my storage charges have just doubled.

Up in the posh bit of the Smoke

Apparently the fat old Duke of York is to stand down as the UK's trade envoy.

Buckingham Palace has confirmed that Prince Andrew will give up his title as Britain's "special representative" for Trade and Investment.

The prince's judgement has been questioned for holding meetings with Libyan leader Col Muammar Gaddafi's son Saif, and for entertaining the son-in-law of Tunisia's ousted president Zine El Abidine Ben Ali at Buckingham Palace.

And his friendship with Mr Epstein, who was sentenced to 18 months in prison in 2008 for soliciting a minor for prostitution, led to calls for Prince Andrew to step down from his role in March, but Prime Minister David Cameron gave him his full backing. 

Another Piss Poor decision from U-Turn Cam....

And the Dept of Health

Believes that nearly 10 per cent of hospital land is "under used" – the equivalent of 276 football pitches. They want it to be re-allocated to build affordable housing, with the money reinvested in the NHS to benefit patients.

Critic’s fear that much of the land earmarked for development is green space – used by patients and relatives – and say that selling off surplus land now could make it harder for hospitals to redevelop in the future. But Simon Burns, a Health minister, said selling off the land could raise up to £2.5bn over the next five years – the equivalent of pay for 50,000 nurses.

"If we want to modernise the NHS and make it more efficient, then we need to be proactive and identify land that is no longer used or needed," he said. "Any money raised from surplus land will be used to benefit patients. We are increasing investment in the NHS by £12.5bn, but faced with an ageing population and rising costs of treatments, the NHS needs to be smarter with its resources."  

Err-OUR NHS-OUR resources, how about asking US?

 Over in the Great Smoky Mountains a fair way to the left

A black bear is back in the woods in Tennessee after getting help with a problem — a plastic jar stuck on its head.

State wildlife officers looked for the bear for three weeks after reports he was caught in the jug. The Knoxville News Sentinel said the male bear was roaming around Newport, in the foothills of the Great Smoky Mountains.

On July 17, wildlife officer Shelly Hammonds was checking another report of the bear when the animal ran in front of her vehicle. Hammonds fired a tranquillizer dart and the bear collapsed in downtown Newport.

The bear weighed just 115 pounds, about half its expected weight. It was released into the Cherokee National Forest. Wildlife officials believe the bear got into the jar while foraging through garbage.

 Recycled Bear?

Dahn in Pompey

A dangerous driver mourning the death of his bird was jailed for four months.

Father-of-eight John Williams crashed after a high-speed police car chase, then told officers he had only tried to flee because he was traumatised by his parrot’s demise.

Williams, 33, went for a drive at 3.30am to calm down after the death of his feathered friend, but sped off when police tried to pull him over for a faulty light.

The two-mile chase through Portsmouth lasted four minutes and ended with Williams smashing into a fence.

Christopher Wing, defending, told Portsmouth crown court: “That night his pet died and Mr Williams decided to go for a drive. When he was followed by a police car, he panicked.”

The court heard Williams had a long list of previous convictions, had been banned from driving nine times and at the time of the offence on January 17 was on bail for stealing from a car and going equipped for theft, for which he later received a 25-week prison sentence.


Anyway it was only asleep.....

Up to Forest Hall

Where police have been having a problem with an intruder which has been captured alive but has so far refused to reveal its true identity, greeting all questions with a dead-eyed stare and total silence.

It is described as ‘fully grown and mostly brown with a white underside’ and is known to like eating yoghurt and bananas.

Now police are appealing for its associates – or owners – to come forward. ‘We don’t usually have an issue of hamsters in the station and we’re concerned he may belong to a family who lost him,’ said Insp John Smith, of Forest Hall police station in Newcastle.

Good job Freddie Starr doesn’t live nearby...

And finally:

 The BBC is such a card

BBC bosses are to consider bringing back the test card overnight as part of a radical plan to save £1.3 billion, it has been claimed.

Daytime television schedules could also be slashed, expensive US imports reduced and major series repeated several times to cut the corporation’s spending.

Big budget sporting events including Formula 1 motor racing will also come under scrutiny as the corporation examines ways to reduce spending over four years.

BBC executives are reported to be meeting the governing body today to discuss the options as they look for savings in light of a licence fee freeze.

One proposal on the table is to scrap much of BBC 2’s afternoon schedule, replacing game shows with repeats from BBC 4 which would become largely an arts channel.

How about sacking some of the overpaid “executives” and “stars” that currently inhabit Auntie instead?

That’s it: I’m orf to hunt for magnetic monopoles

 And today’s thought: Give your money to charities . . . the ones you'll need in old age

 Angus