I really, really, really hate Microsoft#1,000,999: Toxic pay: Non to the EU: Dumping Tortoise: Cruel and unusual Porn: and do you know your bobowler from a bishybarnabee?

I started this post at 6.30 of the am, it is now 8.30 of the am, office word decided to go tits up at 6.45am and froze, I had to use program manager to close it down and lost most of the work.

Then I had to run the “repair” thingy to fix it which took half an hour and here I am back at square 1.5.

Apparently it is the last day of summer at the Castle this morn-according to “them”, but at the moment it is sunny, calm, dry and more than a tad tepid.

The hip is still “hippy”, the garden is looking good, his Maj is asleep and I have already been to Tesco for stale bread, gruel and pussy food.

Over in the ex colonies it is Independence Day, let’s hope that the reptilian aliens in disguise keep away.

Dahn in Goodwood

A Bugatti racing car bought for £60 in 1950 has been sold at auction for £430,000.

The 1924 type 35 Bugatti was found by Jack Perkins, from Rugby, Warwickshire, at a Nottinghamshire aerodrome and restored to racing condition.

The car raced at Indianapolis 500 in 1936 and the American National Championship races in 1938.

The vintage car was sold at Bonhams' annual auction at Goodwood Festival of Speed in West Sussex.

That’s inflation for you-wonder what the Honda will be worth in 2099?

Lord Patten, the chairman of the BBC Trust, indicated that the taxpayer-funded broadcaster should set an example to fellow public bodies by showing restraint in the salaries it pays out to senior managers.

The BBC employs 110 individuals who earn more than the Prime Minister's salary of £142,500, and 38 members of staff earning more than £200,000 a year – about eight times higher than the average salary of workers in Britain.

These figures exclude so-called "talent", such as news readers and entertainers.

Mark Thompson, the director general of the BBC, was paid £838,000 in the year to the end of March 2010. The latest accounts are expected it to show his pay packet fell to £675,000, after he decided to scrap pension top up payments for the corporation's most senior executives.

Better late than never......

Apparently the Treasury has dismissed an offer from European Commission president Jose Manuel Barroso to give Britain a lump sum of £23 billion in return for giving up its annual EU budget rebate.

Mr Barroso said the Commission wants to go back to the ''original principles'' of the deal negotiated by Margaret Thatcher in 1984, which states that any country making a contribution which is out of proportion to its wealth should benefit from a ''correction'' when the budget is set.

With the next EU budget due to cover the years 2014-20, this could mean Prime Minister David Cameron receiving a massive cheque a year before the general election scheduled for 2015, when Conservatives are thought to be planning tax cuts to create a feel good mood among voters.

That’ll piss of U-Turn Cam.....

Over in Independence land

Thieves stole a 70-pound tortoise from a Chicago-area pet store, authorities say.

Spur, a 30-year-old female Sulcata tortoise, was stolen from The Animal Store, an exotic pet store in Lincolnwood, Ill., about 3:30 a.m. Saturday, the Chicago Tribune reported. Ken Bearman, owner of the store, suspects that the perpetrators may be getting more than they bargained for.

"The first time it takes a dump in your bedroom, you're going to be sorry," he said, explaining that to the right buyer, Spur could sell for $1,500, but the care and cleanup before selling her would not be worth it.

Hope they have a Vax...

Still in the land of almost freedom

A Michigan jail inmate says he's being subjected to cruel and unusual punishment because he can't have pornography.

In a handwritten lawsuit, 21-year-old Kyle Richards claims his civil rights are being violated at the Macomb County Jail. Richards says denying his request for erotic material subjects him to a "poor standard of living" and "sexual and sensory deprivation."

The Michigan Department of Corrections tells The Detroit News that prisons allow some pornographic material, though it's banned at the jail. The American Civil Liberties Union says prisons have a lot of leeway.

Richards was charged with bank robbery after police followed a trail of snowy footprints and dropped money to his apartment from a bank robbery scene in January in Fraser, north of Detroit.

Don’t rob a bank then you don’t have to wank.....

And finally:

Linguists at the British Library have assembled a list of thousands of rare words and phrases from regional dialects in order to preserve them - and make them available far beyond their native area.

Around 4,000 locally-used words and phrases have been contributed to the "wordbank" by members of the public who visited the library, in central London, or attended a series of events at provincial libraries, at which they were asked to provide phrases that are particular to their region.

The database has been compiled as one of a series of projects connected to the British Library's "Evolving English" exhibition.

Linguists are now studying them to investigate their etymology – how they came into use and the relationships they may have with other words.

Once completed, the wordbank will be available for use by language academics, as well as actors wanting to perfect regional roles and even foreign call centre workers looking to understand local British dialects.

And a bobowler is- a Birmingham and Black Country term for a large moth.

A bishybarnabee is- a Norfolk term for a ladybird.

A tittermatorter is- a see-saw, in Norfolk.

And tranklements are- a Black Country expression meaning ornaments.

Here are a few more for your delectation:

baffies - slippers (east coast of Scotland)

brash - to cut branches off trees after felling (South Wales)

brozzen - full (having eaten too much) (Swaledale)

coopers ducks - the end is nigh, it’s all over (Black Country)

deff - to ignore, split up, pack in, avoid (Birmingham)

dimpsy - half light, just turning dark (Somerset)

dodderman - snail (Norfolk / Suffolk)

dreckly - later, some time, 'manana’ (Cornwall)

gambol - forward roll (Birmingham)

ginnel - alleyway (West Riding)

gopping - unattractive (Manchester)

guddle - to rummage about (Northumberland and parts of Scotland)

gurtlush - the best (Bristol)

gully stottie - bread knife (Ashington, Northumberland)

kets - sweets (Darlington)

ladgin - something embarrassing or unpleasant (York)

man de don’t know what the buer is rockerin - I don’t know what the woman is on about, using “bewer” for “woman” and “rocker” - “to speak or understand” (Newark)

nesh - a bit weedy, being cold when you shouldn’t be (Nottingham)

on the box - off sick from work (Black Country)

on the huh - not quite straight (Norfolk)

pitch - snow that sticks to the ground (West Country)

spoggy - chewing gum (Grimsby)

ronking - smelly, disgusting (Black Country)

tiss up - forward roll (Leicester)

twag - to play truant (East Riding)

twitchell - alleyway (Nottingham)

while - till, until (Yorkshire)

I think my favourite is Dimpsy...

That’s it: I’m orf to check the moat for rare earths.

And today’s thought: Humour is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?

Angus (9.10am)