Numb nuts Nick has lost it: Not even a Monkey: Space Trike: S’now fun in October: Grumpy young men: Global warming-Nah: and the Undead for sale.

‘Tis wet, warm and wobbly at the Castle this morn, the study is filling up nicely with broken do-dahs, and his Maj has got the hump because he can’t go out.

And talking of his Maj-he has many, many toys, he has balls of all shapes and sizes (apart from the two that are attached), a rat, several mice and a variety of chasey things, but his favourite toy is.........a stick, yes the thing he likes the best is a bit of shrubbery that he found in the garden.

Just to prove it below is a short video of him with his favourite toy (apologies for the bad quality).

Up at the Lib Dem conference Cleggy has finally slipped through the tear in the dimensional rift and has come up with the biggest load of old bollocks yet.

The Lib Dem boss will issue a plea for some sympathy for the tearaways' plight in his set piece speech to his party conference.

And he will announce new £50million summer schools for 11-year-old potential troublemakers in a bid push them back on track.

Mr Clegg's "hug-a-young-rioter” approach is a marked contrast to the tough line Premier David Cameron took on the rioters, blaming an underclass's moral collapse.

But addressing the faithful in Birmingham today, the Deputy PM will say: "You know what really struck me? How so many of the rioters seemed to have nothing to lose.

Who voted for this arsehole?

And apparently a quarter of over 55’s have less than £500 in savings

While seven out of ten people in that age group do not believe that they should pay for care in their retirement.

The findings are contained in the Real Retirement Report from insurance company Aviva, which is based on interviews with 10,000 consumers.

The report shows that over-55s have seen incomes fall, savings drop and debts rise as they struggle to cope with the rising cost of living. The average monthly income for this age bracket has fallen by almost £80 over the last three months to £1,216 due to spiralling inflation. However 25 per cent of people have just £500 or less saved in the bank.

Clive Bolton, a director at Aviva, said: “Our research clearly shows that the majority of over-55s do not believe that they should have to pay for care in retirement.  

Maybe it is because WE HAVE ALREADY FUCKING PAID FOR IT!

Over the big wet salty thing on the left

Ex NASA “scientists” have teamed up to create a high-tech tricycle.

Called the Treycycle, it is powered by a Chrysler 300 3.5-litre engine, packs 260 horsepower and can go from 0-60mph in 3.6 seconds.

The part-bike, part-car is billed as the first race-engineered but street-legal three-wheeled vehicle.

There is apparently already a waiting list of 150 for the tricycle, which is being built in the shadow of Launch Pad 39A, where shuttle Atlantis once stood.

They aim to build two every three weeks in the first year of production, which is set to start next month

Michael Shulman, from promoters Emerging Growth Institute, said: "You can be sure this is going to fly."

I hope not, but Wallace and Gromit would be proud.

According to “experts”

Temperatures will fall sharply over the coming months and are forecast to drop below average for the time of year.

Long-range forecasters at Exacta Weather have also said that we should brace ourselves for another brutal winter from December through to February.

James Madden said: "As we head towards winter, I expect to see the first signs of some moderate to heavy snowfalls as early as October or November in certain parts of the UK.

"I expect December, January, and February to experience below-average temperatures, with the heaviest snowfalls occurring within the time frame of November to ­January across many parts of the UK."

The Met Office also warned that we should expect colder-than-average nights at the beginning of October, which would bring with them the chance of overnight frosts. The Midlands and the South-east are expected to bear the brunt of the cold snap.

Oh joy; I must send the butler out to stock up on fat teenagers.

According to the “Express”

Men really are grumpier than women – especially in front of the camera.

A study of more than 1,000 photographs in student year books found females far more likely to smile for the camera than males.

Psychologist Dr Nicolas Gueguen, who led the research, believes teenage girls associate smiling with attractiveness from role models such as actresses, female pop stars and models.

But boys’ role models – including rock bands and sport stars – tend to be sulkier and moodier.

Dr Gueguen said: “Women were more likely than men to smile expansively when photographed.”

No surprise there then.

Allegedly

 More than 31,000 scientists have signed a petition denying that man is responsible for global warming.

The academics, including 9,000 with PhDs, claim that greenhouse gases such as carbon dioxide and methane are actually beneficial for the environment.

The petition was created in 1998 by an American physicist, the late Frederick Seitz, in response to the Kyoto Protocol a year earlier.

It urged the US government to reject the treaty and said: "The proposed limits on greenhouse gases would harm the environment, hinder the advance of science and technology, and damage the health and welfare of mankind."

It added: "There is no convincing scientific evidence that human release of ... greenhouse gases is causing or will, in the foreseeable future, cause catastrophic heating of the Earth’s atmosphere and disruption of the Earth’s climate. Moreover, there is substantial scientific evidence that increases in atmospheric carbon dioxide produce many beneficial effects upon the natural plant and animal environments."

The petition was reissued last year by the Oregon Institute of Science and Medicine, an independent research group, partly in response to Al Gore’s film on climate change, An Inconvenient Truth.

See the article on weather.

And finally:

Jack Mord is asking $1million for a photo of a man, believed to have lived in Tennessee around the time of the American Civil War, who has a resemblance to a Hollywood star.

Mr Mord, a dealer in antique images, believes the photo is of Nicolas Cage himself and proves the actor is a member of the 'walking undead'.

The eBay listing for the photo reads: 'Original c.1870 carte de visite [a type of small photograph] showing a man who looks exactly like Nick Cage.

'Personally, I believe it’s him and that he is some sort of walking undead / vampire... who quickens / reinvents himself once every 75 years or so.

'150 years from now, he might be a politician, the leader of a cult, or a talk show host.'

The seller claims he found the photo at the back of an album of Civil War-era portraits, but he noticed there was something inconsistent with the other pictures.

He said: 'All of the other people in the album, living and dead, were identified by name - this man was not.'

 Numpty.....

That’s it: I’m orf to grow some bacteria. 

And today’s thought: "The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room."

 Angus