Compassionate Conservatives: No Tax cuts: No parking space: Fat coppers: and Driving away.

Yet again there be sun at the Castle this first morn of October, His Maj is getting his exercise by doing laps-out through the window in through the back door-out through the window-in through......

I have just watered all the wall boxes, hanging baskets and pots in preparation for the “Indian autumn” weekend and the sun lounger is placed on the dry side of the garden.

 

Up in Manchester

Where the blue bit of the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition starts its conference tomorrow, allegedly U-Turn Cam will tell the rest of the Tory know nothings that the Cons stand for “strong leadership and compassion”.

And to prove his point the Health Secretary, Andrew Lansley, announced last night that a new, free, 24/7 NHS phone line for non-emergency care and advice would be rolled out nationally by April 2103. The Tories said it would abolish the concept of "out-of-hours" care.

And; Ministers will announce policies designed to end the "something for nothing" culture that they say built up under Labour. People who "play by the rules" and "work hard for their families" will be rewarded while those who contribute "little or nothing" will get less help from state. 

“Leadership and compassion”-har fucking har.

Just to reinforce U-turn Cam’s mantra

Son of a B...aronet and alien reptile in disguise George Osborne has all but ruled out the possibility of tax cuts before the next general election, saying it depends on "how things develop".

George Osborne was cautious about the prospect of tax bills coming down, ahead of this weekend's Conservative Party conference.

It has been thought that, having reduced the deficit by the end of the Parliament, Mr Osborne would want to offer some kind of pre-election sweeteners by 2015.

He indicated that his primary focus was for now on promoting private sector growth and that he would only want to introduce tax cuts that would be permanent - "not just for Christmas".

Can’t afford Christmas this year......

Over in the land empty of Plumbers and Builders

A woman in Warsaw, Poland, abandoned her car after she jammed it between two walls trying to reverse away from a car park.

Wiola Nowicka, 67, attempted to turn around in the car park's narrow driveway once she noticed the high prices she would have to pay.

The driveway was blocked for five hours, as her car was wedged between the driveway walls.

'I didn't mean to be a nuisance,' said Nowicka. 'After a few turns I couldn't go backwards or forwards anymore.'

Engineers were able to get the car out from the tight space, with careful inch by inch precision.

 

Wish I could get the Honda in a space as tight as that.

Along with Nicholas Cage

It now appears that John Travolta has been alive since the 1800s, the seller is asking for $50,000 for the ruby glass ambrotype photograph, which he says could be proof that John Travolta has been 'reincarnated' (not into a new being but an identical body, presumably).

'I believe this is the photograph of a very young John Travolta taken around 1860,' said the eBay seller.

'Of course, time travel can't be ruled out as well.'

The seller, from Ontario, Canada, claims the man in his picture has 'identical' eyes and hairline to Travolta, as well as his 'very unique trademark chin'. 

'It hasn't been changed, tampered with or altered in anyway. It is clear and is as nice as the day it was taken roughly 151 years ago,' he said in the description listed on the auction site.

Earlier this month an eBay seller listed a photo of a Nicolas Cage lookalike from 1870, which he said may have been proof that the actor was a vampire.

One born every minute.......

Back in bollixed up Blighty

Police officers are likely to be spared compulsory annual fitness tests because chief constables fear too many would fail.

They fear front-line posts would be left vacant by officers found to be overweight and unfit, reports the Daily Mail.

Instead officers making up the not so 'thin blue line' will be encouraged to keep fit through a healthy lifestyle and diet.

Under the current system only new recruits must undergo a compulsory fitness test to make sure they are up to the job.

Earlier this year research by academics at Birmingham City University showed almost half of recruits to one force were overweight or obese.

Professor Craig Jackson, an occupational health expert, said: "Unlike the military, there is no annual medical - once you are in you can let yourself go to rack and ruin."

A national review of police pay and conditions raised the question of whether compulsory annual fitness tests should be introduced.

But police chiefs said there was no evidence that fitness testing would justify the cost. 

Maybe they should extend this thinking to Degrees, Doctors and Driving tests-just in case they fail.......

And finally:

Dahn in Tadworth

Sharon Gould, 52, from Spindlewoods, Tadworth, returned home on Wednesday, September 21, and was horrified to find that a large section of her original York stone driveway, dating back to 1910, had disappeared.

With prices averaging £100 per square meter, the stolen driveway could have a value of up to £12,000, according to Rock Unique, UK suppliers of York stone paving.

Mrs Gould, who lives in a period Georgian home shielded from the road by a row of trees, said: "I think they must have had a truck, backed it in and loaded it up.

Drive away drive...

 

That’s it: I’m orf to try out ripple power.

And today’s thought: Live each day like it's your last . . . one day, you'll get it right.

Angus