Naughty overpaid racists: High value visas: Dying for life: Ferrari to Fiat: Cleaning up in Chongqing: That’s the ticket: and exploding wedding cakes.

Warmish, wettish and a whimsy of mist at the Castle this morn, the foreign flu is still around a smidge-I have this urge to make a silent film and I have just returned from Tesco on the stale bread, gruel and his Maj’s food run.

I see that while Blighty sinks into the west along with its economy U-Turn Cam is to hold a summit on racism in something called football in an attempt to ensure that the sport is not dragged back to the "bad old days" by recent race controversies, Jeremy Hunt, the culture secretary, said on Sunday.

The event will take place this month and, although details have not been finalised, it is expected to include player representatives and senior figures from bodies including the Football Association and the Premier League.

Simple answer-if one overpaid ballet dancer is found “guilty” of calling another overpaid ballet dancer a naughty name-sack the Pillock and ban him from kicking the leather bag full of air forever...

How to buy UK citizenship

The number of wealthy foreign nationals granted investor visas to stay in the UK has risen six-fold since they were introduced three years ago. In 2011, 320 visas were issued to individuals with £1m in capital, according to the commercial law firm McGrigors.

The biggest growth is among applicants from Russia and former Soviet states, who account for a third of investment visas, which are seen as a fast track to UK citizenship. Yuri Botiuk, a partner at McGrigors, said that Russian investors continued to see Britain as a place of stability in which to invest their cash.

Fifteen per cent of investment visas are now allocated to Chinese citizens who make up the second main national group.

Be a Blightyite-if you are rich....

Allegedly the British Moronic Arseholes-BMA

Want some patients to be kept alive solely so they can become organ donors as part of an urgent medical and ethical revolution to ease Britain’s chronic shortage of organs, doctors’ leaders say today.

A new BMA report also suggests hearts could be taken from newborn babies for the first time and body parts could be used from high -risk donors.

The BMA wants a debate about the use of an ethically contentious practice called “elective ventilation”, in which patients diagnosed as dead – such as those who have suffered a massive stroke – are kept alive purely to enable organ retrieval.

Nice to see that the NHS is “patient led”...

Right a bit to the land of pasta and posh motors

Italy's crackdown on tax cheats has many well-heeled drivers spurning their hot wheels for more prosaic cars to avoid unwelcome attention.

"Since December about 30 people have come to return their cars as they fear intense tax raids," a luxury car dealer said in Milan.

Domenico Minervini from the financial police in the central Emilia-Romagna region, added: "The tax office has begun to spread fear.

"Many citizens are bringing back their prestigious motors evoking the financial crisis but in reality they are scared and want to hone down their taxpayer profile as their declared revenues have been very low until now."

Buying a Fiat-that’ll teach em....

East even more

A large cargo truck carrying laundry detergent worth millions blew out a tyre in Qijiang county of Chongqing, drove through the centre divider, and stopped on the other side of the road, the cargo on the truck scattered all over the ground. After the villagers near the highway found out, one after another they rushed onto the highway to loot the scattered goods.

Seen the price of washing powder lately?

Dahn Unda

The Islamic Women's Welfare Association wants new migrants to get taxpayer subsidies to visit overseas relatives, and Australia should consider how to "facilitate the purchase of homes for new migrants".

In a submission to a federal multicultural inquiry, the association has urged the Government to give tax deductions to newly arrived migrants so they can visit relatives in their homelands.

"Migrants face a lot of sacrifices such as having to travel long distances to visit relatives, spending on communication costs, missing out on some events occurring in native countries etc," the submission said.

"This loss should be compensated by the Government in one way or the other to retain migrants in their country of adoption."

If you don’t like where you live fuck orf home-is that racist?

And finally:

Food artists Bompas & Parr are launching a food explosion service for weddings where for a fee a trained explosives technician will lay charges within your wedding cake ready for you to detonate.

A spokesperson for the firm said: "Traditional wedding cakes are a triumph of spectacle over taste. Bompas & Parr’s food explosion service pushes this ethos to its ultimate conclusion.

"The ritual of cutting the cake is significantly enhanced through the explosion, the sense of occasion heightened by the blast and your guests are spared eating flavourless fruitcake."

The service starts from £800 and includes a risk assessment and an explosive technician liaising with your cake provider to tell them how their creation will be destroyed.

That’ll go down a bomb...

That’s it; I’m orf to substitute some metal

And today’s thought:

Where to keep your brains.

Angus