Who gives Le Bollocks: Nickelarse in the poo: Panic at Gothenburg: Cardboard man: Cool headlights: and the Sweep festival.

One guess as to the meteorological conditions at the Castle this morn-yes, it pissed dahn all night and it is still urinating from the sky as I write.

The saddest picture of the year so far-my sundial which is turning rusty.

And a happy picture of his Maj hunting for worms.

And here’s one he managed to bag.

Just returned from my favourite retailer on the stale bread, gruel and his Maj’s food run, I arrived at 8 of the am, it is now 8.55 of the am, I finished my meagre purchases at ten past 8 of the am and then spent 40 minutes waiting at the pharmacy for the computer (who definitely said no) to update itself, whist leaning on the counter waiting I noticed that the biggest (and richest) every little helps provider is still running Windows XP (which came out in 2001) no bleedin wonder they cock up so many prices.

And not only have they managed to move everything about again but have changed the packaging on all their own brand stuff so that this daft old fart is even more confused than ever.

Over the Chunnel thingy

Apparently the new “Socialist” Pres Francois Hollande is not happy with us in Blighty, it seems that “Britain is "indifferent to the fate of the euro area" and "In addition to relative indifference to the fate of the euro area, Britain is more protected because of speculation the central bank may intervene directly to finance the debt,"

According to what’s his name Nick Clegg "France is one of our oldest, strongest and most important allies".

"Hollande wants to put emphasis on growth. Who's going to disagree with that? But he knows you can't create growth on the shifting sands of debt."

He added: "Any emphasis on growth from whatever direction on the political spectrum has got to be good."

 

Blightyites "indifferent to the fate of the euro area"? Too bloody right...

Meanwhile the ex Pres of our “close allies”

Nickelarse Sarcozy could soon be called for questioning – either as a witness or potentially as a suspect – in several corruption cases when he loses presidential immunity a month after leaving office on May 15.

Judges are likely to want to summon him over an investigation into who ordered French intelligence to unlawfully seek to uncover the source of journalists working for Le Monde. France's intelligence chief is currently under investigation over the affair in which Le Monde exposed embarrassing links between Mr Sarkozy's government and Liliane Bettencourt, the l'Oréal billionaire caught up in a tax evasion and illegal party financing inquiry.

Allegedly Nickelarse is suspected of benefiting from brown envelopes of cash to help fund his 2007 campaign from Mrs Bettencourt and her late husband, André, whose former bookkeeper has told judges she withdrew 150,000 euros earmarked for Mr Sarkozy's then campaign treasurer. He also faces questioning over allegations he personally accepted cash from the Bettencourts during a visit shortly before his 2007 election. Mr Sarkozy denies wrongdoing on all accounts.

Do they still have the Guillotine in France?

Up a bit to ABBAs place

A Ryanair flight attendant was hospitalised with head injuries this week after falling from an aircraft in Sweden.

The cabin crew employee from the Irish carrier was left bleeding from the head after falling to the tarmac during a panicked late departure from Gothenburg City Airport, The Local reported.

She was finalising the process of securing the plane for take-off when a rear door was pulled open and she fell about 10 feet (three meters).

A passenger told the Expressen newspaper of the rushed loading of passengers for the flight, which was almost an hour late, "It was very confusing and unprofessional. It was almost like a state of panic when everything had to be done really quickly."

"The stairs had been removed and the door to the plane was closed. What made her open the door we don't know. I find it hard to believe that she took a step out, it is more likely that the door flew open while she was holding the handle. It is rather windy today," airport boss Annika Nyberg told news agency TT.

You pays peanuts.......

Up North

Mark Pearson, a 44-year-old repairman who loves comic books, has spent 14 months of his life creating an almost perfect replica of Tony Stark’s Iron Man suit, from sheets of cardboard covered in fibreglass.

”I don’t know why I did it”, the repairman from Bradford, West Yorkshire, says, “I guess it was just a moment of madness. I decided on making the helmet then I said to my partner – I’m going to make the full suit.” The comics fan bought himself a 12ft cardboard model of Robert Downey Jr. in his iconic superhero suit, started work on the helmet, but simply couldn’t stop. He downloaded the templates from the Internet, and made them into cardboard moulds. Once those were all created, he was able to create the fibreglass parts of his Iron Man suit.

Twat.......

The company that never made cars or motorbikes

Has come up with a spiffing invention to help the ladies through our hot summer- a new bra which comes equipped with refrigerated cooling gel pads.

The brassiere can also be worn with a skirt made of a mosquito net or bamboo shades, adding to its ability to offer relief in hot weather.

Both versions come with a small hanging wind chime that in Japan is believed to sound refreshing. There is even a little bamboo ladle added for good measure, in case the wearer wants a splash of water.

 

Shan’t be needing that then....

 

And finally:

Still in indifferent Blighty

The three day annual Sweeps Festival in Rochester, England dates back 400 years and was originally the one day in the year that the chimney sweeps could afford time off to celebrate the coming of spring. This year marks the festival's 32nd year since its reintroduction in 1980, with traditional activities including Morris dancers, who parade to Rochester Castle, and a Jack-in-the-Green ceremony. 

That should cut dahn on yoof unemployment...

 That’s it: I’m orf to draw a stroke.

And today’s thought:

Indifference.

Angus